Loneliness

by Andrew Foote

Chapter 17

Jus was asleep in a matter of seconds but it took me rather longer.

Something inside my head, a worry or a concern wouldn't allow me to relax enough although it was nice to see Jus wasn't as spaced as I was.

I propped myself up on my elbow and watched him sleeping so peacefully and I concluded there was absolutely nothing that I could find fault with.

His beautiful face, those wide cheekbones and equally wide-set eyes which when closed, his eyelashes seemed to form a protective shield over them, almost as if he was wearing mascara.

He had full ruby-red lips that just begged to be kissed, his hair, a dark blond, slightly unkempt and by his standards, in need of a trim.

He sported a few freckles undoubtedly brought about by the summer sun and while he didn't tan easily like I did, his body seemed to radiate a glow and with the exception of his 'Speedo-line' was perfectly uniform.

Dear God I even loved his little feet!

That's weird because I've never thought of feet being even halfway sexy before but his were perfectly formed, perfectly proportional with the rest of him and the urge to kiss them was enormous!

His body was firm, tight and slim. His bubble-bum turned me on no end and as for his other 'bits and pieces'? I knew them well enough now to adore them!

Eventually sleep got the upper hand and I lay down not waking until the first bird song and the rattle of tea mugs from the galley.

Jus had woken first.

"Oh so you're awake then?

I thought I'd bring you tea in bed! It's normally you who does that for me and so I thought I'd return the compliment for once!"

"Thanks. I won't get in your way! I didn't sleep well or rather, it took me ages to drop off."

"I went out light a light! Never heard a thing until the Salter steamer went past.

Why do they have to make such an early start Alex?"

"They moor upriver to prevent vandalism. They bring her down early to get her cleaned ready for the tourists. It is a pain but then it's really fun swimming in her wake as she passes!"

"You going this morning?"

"Nope and anyway, I'd only go if you were coming as well and you don't have a wetsuit. The water's too cold without one now.

Come on. Let's go back to bed with our tea."

We lay in bed and what with it being only 6am we were not in any hurry to properly 'start the day'.

Jus finished his tea and turned over putting his head on my shoulder.

"Why do nice things have to end Alex? I could stay like this forever."

"I don't know, I don't want this to end either but if it's of any conciliation, my Dad said it's like Einstein's theory of relativity, for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction, so it follows that everything that is bad in the world is countered by something good. e=mc 2 ?"

"Forever the optimist!"

"I'm not going to argue against the greatest theoretical physicist that ever lived?"

"Your Dad?

I giggled!

"Einstein you wanker!! Oh God!"

Jus took his free hand and stroked my nipples sending shivers down my spine and I was hard in a heartbeat.

Slowly he traced his fingers delicately downwards and across my hip bone to my thigh where he changed direction working his way back up the inside of my leg until he reached his goal.

Tenderly he cupped my balls then slipped his fingers between my legs caressing my perineum and then alternating between the two, moved himself down taking my cock in his mouth and holding it there.

I was unable to speak! The feelings that tore through my body were unlike anything I'd ever experienced.

My entire body was trembling as if I was running a fever but then Jus upped the pace and seemed to swallow me whole. He pulled off slightly as he was coughing but took a deep breath and resumed his ministrations on me and I could feel the head of my dick touching the back of his throat.

Gagging once again, he pulled back slightly but it was as if he was a boy on a mission because no sooner had he regained composure, down he went again but by now the sensations he was causing me to feel were just too much for me to cope with. I almost screamed.

"Jus!!! I'm there!! I'm cuummiinngg!!!" and with that I went ridged and almost blacked out as wave after wave after wave of ecstasy flooded my very being.

I remember suddenly panicking as it felt as if I was pissing in his mouth but whatever was happening I was too far into the moment to do anything about it.

Jus held my still-hard cock in my mouth until I came back down to earth, only then did he released me.

As he did so, I opened my eyes only to see him open his mouth and show me a small pool of cum on his tongue.

He leaned into me and kissed me, sharing my essence.

"God Alex! Am I privileged or what!? I've just tasted your first ever wet cum! That is something almost as special as the 'family tree'!

Are you alright?"

"Alright? I've never, not ever felt so good! That has to be the single most unbelievable thing I've ever experienced and I'm lost for ways to say how much it meant, how much I love you!"

"I needed to do that for you, no wrong. I WANTED to do that for you but you did sort of surprise me when you shot off! I mean you've not even started growing any hair down there yet but anyway, I took your first offering and not only that, we shared it like we were blood-brothers or something.

For ever there will be a trace of you inside me. I'll never forget this morning Alex? I love you back one-hundred fold!"

We lay together until about 7.30 when, at my suggestion we each took a shower before I cooked breakfast for us.

Had the situation been different with Jus not having to return to Down House, I honestly don't believe I could've been happier. Jus was animated and cheerful but in the recesses of my mind, I still was frightened about the future. It would not let go of me no matter how much I tried to think nice thoughts and stay positive. It was almost as if I was having a premonition about things to come but the lifestyle we lived, our culture of love and peace didn't seem to fit with my feelings so one night when Jus was spending the night up at the house, I invited myself to supper and talked to my Mum and Dad aboard 'Casio'."

They were both attentive if rather subdued.

I'd put things out as I saw them but leaving aside the really personal stuff. They didn't need to hear that although they'd probably have guessed we didn't spend our evenings or nights together doing crossword puzzles but this was something way more important than just mere sex and later that evening as I was leaving to get back aboard 'Spook', my Mum gave me a good-night cuddle.

"We are all of us bothered Alexis. The difference now is awareness.

We are all going to be on his side, all of us willing to help him in whatever capacity so go to bed and try and get some sleep. The last thing Justin needs at the moment is for us to be sad for him. Negative waves breed negative wave's y'know?"

I turned to my Dad but he was bent over the hob and his eyes were closed.

I hugged from around his waist and he reached around and patted me on the back.

"Go son. Go now before I completely lose it? I love you and in case you didn't know, we love Justin too and we will do anything for him!

Go on now……please?"

I walked across the decking and went aboard 'Spook' but I wasn't feeling tired so I raided the fridge for a bottle of pop and made my way out onto the well deck and sat out watching the reflections of the clear night sky on the water and as I looked on, a massive urge to go for a swim right then and there overtook me and scurrying back inside, I dressed in my wetsuit and lowered myself into the water, the only bits of me in contact with the water were my face and hands.

I pushed myself away and allowed the current to take me down stream and out of hearing reach of our boats before striking out for the opposite bank and once I was close, I turned onto my back and floated, just watching the stars flickering in the abyss of space.

I must've stayed like that for a while as I remember floating under Caversham Bridge and feeling disappointed that my view had been interrupted but then I was suddenly aware of a voice.

"Bloody-hell! There's a fucking body in the river!"

I turned over and struck out for the bank and on reaching it, I was confronted by a policeman.

"What on earth do you think you're doing boy? That river is bloody dangerous and anyway, what are you doing out this time of night?"

I was wary of the police, something to do with their dislike for hippies so my reply was flippant to the point of rudeness.

"Umm, try….swimming maybe?

It's not dangerous if you know what you're doing and anyhow, is there a law against it?"

"You cheeky little sod! I think you'd better come with me!"

"You'll have to catch me first fatso!" and with that I ran as fast as I could back up along the bank until I caught sight of our boats away upstream and dived into the water.

I surfaced once to get my breath and looking back I could see Mr Policeman shining a torch on the water but he wasn't expecting me to have swam so far over nor as quickly. I took a lung full of air and ducked back under and swam towards 'Spook' and once I felt her keel, I made my way under the jetty and pulled myself back onto the well deck and out of trouble.

I ducked inside, stripped out of my wetsuit and peered out of a porthole to see what was happening.

Five or six torches were focused on the water, how he'd managed to summon so many assistants I'll never know but none of them thought to shine as far over as us so I decided enough was enough and went to bed.

The following morning I cooked myself breakfast and once I'd washed up after me, I went aboard 'Casio' for the start of my morning studies.

Jus was already there and shot me a massive grin before going back to the newspaper that he and my parents were busy reading.

Dad looked up at me, obviously trying his utmost to suppress his laughter but my Mum spoke first.

"Today's headline is, 'Merboy in the Thames Foxes Police.'

It goes on to say how a certain PC Jenkins, an experienced police officer had to almost drag a young boy from the water near Caversham Bridge at 1am last night but when confronted, the boy ran away and whilst repeated attempts were made to apprehend him, the boy threw himself back into the water. Despite an extensive search, a body has yet to be recovered although the search is ongoing at Caversham Weir.

Well, well! I wonder who that might have been…. Alexis?? "

"Yes okay, it was me but I wasn't doing anything wrong? You know I swim in the river all the time, the only difference being, last night it was dark."

"Did he have to 'almost drag you out'?"

"No! I was on my back looking at the stars and he thought I was dead. I was out of the water before he even reached the bank.

I thought by what he said I was going to be arrested so I said something and did a runner, dived back in the water and stayed under until I was far enough across for him to be unable to see me. Black water, black wetsuit."

"What exactly did you say?"

"He said I'd have to go with him so I said something like 'you'll have to catch me first fatso' and then I ran."

Dad and Jus were quietly wetting themselves with laughter. Mum just shook her head."

"God! You boys, and I include you as well Tim! You're all the same!

Okay. Here's how it works.

No more night swimming, alright? The last thing we need are the cops sniffing around, do you understand? We have a duty towards Sir George and Lady Eleanor who have accepted us into their lives despite our lifestyle, not to bring their good name into disrepute. Do you get it Alexis?"

I was rather taken aback. I'd never seen my Mum so flustered.

"You have my word Mum. No more night swimming. I'm sorry if I've upset you."

Mum never stayed angry for long, it wasn't in her nature.

She came over and gave me a hug.

"Look Alexis. You've not upset me! If we'd still been continuously cruising, I'd be right behind you but we're not. We have found ourselves in a far better place. Dad has a position here which, together with his lecturing at the Universities and his papers gives us a decent income plus we have a really nice and valued friendship with George and Eleanor and what is even more important, there is someone else in your life now. It might just help cement that promise you've just made to me by thinking about what might happen if you really did screw up?"

I looked over at Jus, somewhat shame-faced.

"You're right. I never thought of it that way. I'll think things through before I go doing something stupid."

Dad burst out laughing!

"Bad choice of words!

What you just said would imply that you'd still do daft stuff but you would think about it first!"

Mum gave Dad the 'killer look'!

"Tim for God's sake! You know full well what he meant! Let's settle down, have some coffee and get on with our studying."

The next two weeks seemed in one respect to fly by but in another, they dragged like hell.

Ticking off the days was tedious but time itself sped away.

Jus seemed to hold it together very well, that was until Sir George ran him into town to pick up his school uniform from the tailors, when, on his return, instead of running down the lawn, he ambled, almost without direction or purpose.

Once he was back on board I looked at him and it was obvious he'd been tearful. I took him in my arms and cuddled him.

"Do you want to tell me about it or do I have to wring it out of you?"

Jus sort of giggled but it was very half-hearted.

"I'm alright. It's just picking up the stuff from town made me suddenly realise, today is Friday and on Sunday morning I have to go back there again.

I can't lie to you Alex, I love you much to do that. I'm scared! I'm scared shitless!!"

"It can't be that bad surely? You've been there before and survived?"

"Yes I know but now it will be different. The taunts of 'have you got a boyfriend then you queer?' will start all over again but unlike before, I cannot deny it and my life will be like so much shit."

"Tell them you haven't. Tell them to piss off why not?"

"You didn't when Tim and Kaz quizzed you? Why should I act differently Alex?"

"Because my life wasn't ever at risk of being made miserable, that's why."

"I hear what you say but for me it's a point of principle.

Look. If you were just a friend who I really liked and that we umm, messed around together then maybe I would but it goes deeper than that.

You are the single most important part of my life. To deny my feelings for you would be like giving up breathing. I cannot do it Alex? I'm in love with you, I'm proud to be around you, you're my world, my very reason for being alive so no. If the situation occurs then I shall stand up and be counted."

"That's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me and you know that I echo those sentiments towards you one hundred times over but Jus? You can't live your life on sentiments, you have to be realistic."

"I know how you feel about me but that's the whole point. Oh shit, I'm not doing a good job here. Let me try to explain.

Look, I've given this a lot of thought, I really have Alex? Chances are I'm going to get hard times when I go back to school and no matter what I say or do is going to make much difference one way or the other so given that's where I'll find myself, I think I'll be better able to cope if I look people in the eye and acknowledge my feelings towards you. It will give me strength knowing that they know I'm not ashamed of who and what I am and more importantly, I'm really proud of our relationship and if they can't handle the truth, then tough shit. At least I've been true to you and I'll go down fighting rather than just cowering away in a corner."

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I was just so proud of him!

I leaned into him and buried my face in his neck until I'd calmed down then taking his hands in mine, I stepped back from him smiling as I looked him in the eyes.

"Okay then! If that's the way you intend to play it, I'm right there with you!"

Jus looked confused.

"You are?"

"Sure I am! Every time my Dad collects you or takes you back to school, I'll be with him and while I promise not to go snogging you in front of anybody, I'll happily hold your hand and give you hugs, show them that also I am not embarrassed or ashamed in fact the complete opposite, I'm proud to be your boyfriend and happy to show it to the world!"

Jus lead me to the bed and fully clothed, we lay in each other's arms and for a few minutes, not a word was spoken but then he kissed me tenderly on the lips.

"I can live with that Alex and I don't even mind if you want to kiss me as well!

I'd had a talk to Grandfather the other night and it was he who spelt out my options. Don't misunderstand, he didn't try to persuade me one way or the other, he just was able to help me think things through clearly and concisely and so when I went to bed, it was then I made up my mind."

Jus giggled to himself.

"It was probably around the same time you were having your run-in with the local constabulary actually but the strange thing is, I knew that if I was able to explain myself to you, I was absolutely sure what your reaction would be. I knew you'd support my decision!"

"You're getting to know me well!"

"Nowhere near as well as I want to Alex. I've barely made a start on that wonderful journey."