Once more I experienced an almost sleepless night. When I was awake my mind could not assimilated all that Steve had told me, not to mention all the wonderful new sex he had introduced me to. There had never been a time that I ever doubted that Steve and I was the best friends ever, but for some reason I had never realized that I may actually be in love with him.

Then came the times I would drift off to sleep. My thoughts would be replaced by dreams. Each dream was always the same; I would have the most magnificent cock of all times in my mouth and moaning Steve's name. But each time I looked up across that sleek masculine stomach I would be looking into the smiling face of Rob and his steel blue eyes would hold mine captive.

At two o'clock in the morning I slipped out of bed. I started to turn on my small lamp then trashed that idea. I did not feel like having the room flooded in light I did not know if I was happy, sad, or feeling sorry for myself. I had never felt like this in my life. Now could my life suddenly become so confused? I moved to my window that overlooked the street, I slid the curtains back and stood there nude with my forehead pressed against one of the small pains of glass. The moon shown bright and I knew I could be clearly seen standing there if someone was to pass by, but I just did not care. My brain was so scrambled being modest seemed of little importance.

Since I had finally admitted to myself that I was gay I had searched and dreamed for just the right boy to come along. And now that he had after only a few days he was treating me like he could not stand to have me near him. And, if that was not bad enough now I may be; No… fuck I am in love with my best friend.

I stood with my head against the warm glass; I felt a tear trickle down my face as I muttered to myself, "Jamie, how could you be so fucken dumb? You know you can't have both!"

I know what you are thinking. 'How could I know Rob was even close to being gay? Why don't you just take the sure thing and latch onto Steve?' Well if I were that brilliant I would not be in this predicament now would I. I did not know if Rob was gay I was just hoping. Hoping I could become his best friend. Let him realize that I would do anything for him. And hopefully he would see something in me besides being just another boy. I had walked, and talked carefully all week so I would not scare him off, but I must have said something, looked at him strangely, or made a suggestive move that had turned him off. Sometime before sunrise I determined in my heart that I would find out what had came between us and do everything in my power to turn it around. After all I owed it to myself. No, I owed it to Steve. Steve was in love with me, or I felt pretty sure he was. No I owed it to Steve because he was my best friend, and my new love. We both had to know if Rob was meant for me or if I was just being a total ass about things, letting my pride and self-confidence run my life.

At six-thirty I finally staggered from my bed to the shower. Today was the first morning in I could not tell you how long I had absolutely a zero desire to masturbate. I showered and dressed for work trying to keep my mind completely void of thought. God, was this the way love was suppose to feel, if it was I sure did not think I was going to enjoy the rest of my life very much.

Mom was placing our plates of bacon, eggs, and toast on the table when I entered the kitchen. She looked up and gave me her normal bright and cheery morning smile. Much to my disappointment I saw it quickly fade. I had no right forcing my problems on her. Now I was mad at myself for causing her unneeded concern.

"Well, I didn't need to ask to know that. Sit down, I'll get you a cup of coffee."

I watched as she fixed my coffee just the way I liked it. I knew she would not be happy until I told her what my problem was. But, you just can't burst out and tell your mother that you are gay and that you are being torn apart by two lovers, one for sure and the other hopeful.

Mom sat down across from me. She used her fork to rearrange her strips of bacon, than looked up at me with that look of concern that only a mother can give.

"Seem we were having much the same conversation just about a week ago. Care to share your problems with your old Mother?"

I flashed her my biggest smile hoping somehow the compliment and grin would change the subject.

"Thank, but I'm not going to let you off that easy. You know we always share the things that trouble us."

"I know Mom… but… this time it's just something that is really personal. Something that a guy just has a hard time talking about to his parents, especially his mother."

I saw a smile turn the corners of her mouth and I knew instantly I had said the wrong thing.

OK smart guy. How do you get out of this? I have never lied to Mom, not even a little white lie. I know that may be hard to believe, but I just never have. It's not like I never screw up, or do something that I knew I should not. But, for some reason when I am found out I just admitted my wrong doings and take the punishment that she feels fits the crime. But this was something that could destroy our relationship, or at least I believed it could. Just twenty-four hours before I probably would have told here everything, but after Steve opened my eyes to the fears of being gay now confession was an option that was just not open.

"Well I suppose, but I have to admit it hurts a little when you won't let me help."

We finished our breakfast in almost total silence. I gathered the plates and put them in the sink. Then I stepped up behind Mother as she sat finishing her cup of coffee. I leaned down and gave her a big hug letting my head lay against the side of her face.

"Mom, I love you so much. Please don't be mad at me. I promise I will tell you all about it someday. I really want to, but right now may not be the best time."

"OK, I guess I must let my little boy grow up into a man. Just don't try to do it too fast, and don't be afraid or ashamed to ask me for help. There is nothing that is so personal that I would be shocked or embarrassed to hear about it."

I kissed her softly on the cheek, "Mom there is something I was planning to ask you this morning."

"Well, I was wonder if you would go out to dinner and a movie with me tonight when I get home from work?"

"Jamie, Jamie you are one marvelous son. Yes dear I would love dinner and a move."

I left her standing in the kitchen her smile once more back in place. Now if only I can keep my problems to myself. No, I didn't ask Mom out just to cover my problems; I really had planned on taking her to dinner all week. That is ever since Mr. Barney had told Rob and I just how much we could make each weekend.

I had no idea what to expect as I peddled to Rob's house. I was as nervous as if I were going on my first dated. My mind was still racing trying to understand the reason he had so suddenly pulled back from me. As his home came into view I could see him sitting astride his bike waiting for me.

With that he began peddling away hard. 'What the hells going on?' I thought to myself. Now I was beginning to get angry as well as worried. He had no cause to act this way.

By the time we reached Mr. Barney's place I was really getting steamed. Rob had allowed me to catch-up but he had ridden the six blocks in total silence. We chained our bikes to a small oak tree and started for the front door.

"Say Buddy, you're going to have to get up earlier. Our first day on the job and we are five minutes late."

Pissed! Mad! Put whatever descriptive adjectives you want on it at that instant that's just the way I felt. Before I could say a word, a smiling Mr. Barney met us at the door. Which in after thought I decide was a good thing, I was so mad at that point I was ready to back Rob into a corner and give him a peace of my mind. OK, OK, I know he stands a head taller than me, and I would have probably gotten my ass kicked, but when you are pissed you just don't stop and think about things like that.

Rob sounded so damn cheery it was almost sickening after the way he had acted toward me. I was so flustered I failed to speak to Mr. Barney.

Soon we were assigned to our truck and were following Mr. Barney to our first job site. Once we were alone in the truck, the silence between us resumed. I was still mad but at least I was now thinking and in more of a rational state of mind.

"Good! Now maybe you can come over and listen to some of my CDs. How about tomorrow night? Mom and I are going out for dinner tonight."

"Yeah, but we aren't little kids anymore you know. We don't have to be in bed by nine."

Well I'll be damn. This conversation isn't going any better than the rest of the morning has. Perhaps I have become a leper and no one has bothered to tell me. While I was mulling over my next move Rob pulled the truck to a stop behind Mr. Barney's car.

"Wow! I've heard of people living in homes like these, but I never thought I would be working among the uppercrust."

I stepped out on my side of the truck and like Rob was a-stricken by the mansions we were in the midst of. Mom and I had driven through this part of town before, however because of the gated community and massive walls I never realized just what lay inside.

"OK boys, this is your little part of heaven." Mr. Barney said with a big smile on his face. "There are nine homes here and they are all our customers."

"Yes Jamie, really. Today you will do the five on Lambart Court, tomorrow the four on Tenly Drive. Then next week you start all over. Now I think you understand why I am able to pay you so well.

"I am going to work with you until around noon. Like I told you Wednesday I expect almost perfection with these customers, and I want to make sure you know just how I want everything taken care of."

For the next five hours we worked almost nonstop, I was always amazed that a man of sixty years old was able to maintain the pace that Mr. Barney could in this sweltering heat. I had worked side by side with him before and I knew we would be taxed just to keep up. I was drenched with sweat and I think I had drunk over a gallon of water when we finally stopped for lunch.

"OK fellows, time to give the body a rest." Mr. Barney announced as he came from the back of our fourth home.

The thought of lunch had never crossed my mind. I had always worked after school and a four hour shift did not require bringing a meal. I just looked at Rob and shrugged.

"Ah, but I did. Follow me boys. I always come prepared. Besides I had an idea you may not think about such trivial things." Mr. Barney chuckled as he led us to his truck.

Soon we were seated under a massive weeping willow and feasting on fried chicken, potato salad, and homemade rolls, all to be washed down with copious amounts of sweet tea.

Mr. Barney sat between us. When we were about finished he reached out and put a hand on each of our shoulders. "Boys, I hate to leave such good company. But, to be honest I'm pooped. I am proud of both of you. I don't think I have a thing to worry about when it comes to my best customers."

Before I had a chance to speak, Rob spoke up, "Thanks Sir. Jamie here has been my inspiration. I knew I would have to put my best foot forward to keep up with him."

I was shocked, had I heard right? The way he had been acting a compliment was the last thing I expected to hear from him.

Mr. Barney stood and brushed the fresh cut grass off the seat of his jeans. "You boy keep the cooler here, you may need a snack later. Just leave it in the truck and I will take care of it later."

I took the cooler to our truck then followed him around back to finish with the yard before we moved on to our last home of the day. I tried unsuccessfully to get a conversation going, all I ever got out of him was a grunted "Yeah," "No," "Maybe," or some other terse reply. By the time we finished with our fourth yard, my anger was working in full gear once more. I had not said a word to him for close to half and hour and was beginning to think I may never want to speak to him again. Yes, I was mad but more than that my heart felt like it was shattered.

After we moved to our last job of the day, I almost fell over when he finally spoke.

"Do you think Mr. Barney would mind if I worked without my shirt? I seldom wore one out on the ranch, just to damn hot."

I caught myself staring in anticipation as he began to unbutton his shirt. When he stripped it off his shoulders I think I gasp, I hope I didn't, but I think I did. I was getting my first look at a real live six-pack. I don't know how long I stared at him, but when I finally pulled my eyes from that marvelous stomach, I was look directly into those hypnotic eyes. My heart melted, and my anger was quenched before I realized it had even happened. His expression was hard to read, but I could tell there were questions there as to why I was mesmerized by his body.

"It's just… I never say someone with a six-pack before. In real life that is."

Rob just chuckled and stepped up on the mower. He glanced at me over his shoulder as he slipped it into gear. Again, I had difficulty reading his expression. But, I was sure it was one of wonderment. Probably something like 'I wonder who or what I have teamed up with?'

The rest of the day went well enough. My emotions were mixed between lust, anger, heart ache and love. As soon as I would get one under control one of the others would take over.

As we biked home Rob was a little more talkative but that was still a debatable issue also. I was still trying to decide if I really had any options when we reached Rob's home. Slowing to a stopped at the gate that leads to his garage Rob looked at me with a completely neutral expression on his beautiful face.

I took Mom to one of the better restaurants in West Port that evening. And, as I expected she was full of questions about the days work. I tried to be pleasant, and stay upbeat, however I felt I was anything but. At the movie I was pleased one needs to be quiet during the film. But, on the way home the questions came again.

"Jamie, I know something is bothering you, and I really want to help. Won't you please tell me your problem?"

"Mom, I can't talk about it. And I really couldn't here on the bus if I wanted to."

I just shrugged my shoulders and hoped she would forget by then, but I knew she would not. Here I was back in the same mix, Mom wanting to know and me being forced to secrecy because I was gay and in love with a boy that could not stand to be around me. Jamie Rusher, how could you get things so screwed up? You could have Steve all you have to do is ask, but no you have some make-believe romance that will never come to pass and you are making your life miserable because of it. We rode the rest of the way in silence and I knew I had to say something to Mom when we got home to defuse the conversation.

I was ready as soon as we stepped through the door. "Mom, I know I haven't been very good company tonight. I'm just tired and have a lot of school work on my mind that I need to finish tonight."

"Son, I had a wonderful evening. A mother could not ask for a more loving son. I know you have a problem but I won't pry. All I ask is you come to me when the time is right."

I started down the hall to my room, then stopped and winked at her over my shoulder. I was startled to see tears in her eyes. Oh, great big guy, now you have your Mother feeling as low as you do. I hurried to my room, threw myself on my bed face down, and cried uncontrollably. Crying came easy for me, it always had. All my life my heart could break over the most trivial thing and I always seemed powerless to stop the tears. My inability to control my emotions was a main source of contention with Hank. Many a night I had gone to bed red eyed and with a sore butt because he had spanked me for crying just because I did not understand a homework assignment. Tears were a part of my makeup but I hated the was they just seemed to start and I had little control over them. I did not mind being soft hearted, I felt like that was a gift that I could well use to help other people I just did not want all the blubbering that seemed to go with it. But tonight was different. My emotions were completely out of control and I just wanted to wallow in my own self-pity.

I don't now how long I cried, all I knew was when the last of the tears finally stopped I felt more exhausted than I had from the days work. I swung my legs over the edge of my bed and sat up, what I saw in the mirror looked like warmed over death. I looked myself straight in the eye. "What kind of a fool allows himself to become so emotional over someone he hardly knows? A real STUPID fuck up, that's who!" I suddenly realized I had spoken out loud. I was like a little kid who though he was about to be discovered playing with his dick. I sat motionless, not moving a muscle, my eyes searching the room as if I expected someone to jump out and yell, "Caught you!"

I chuckled nervously but continued to mutter to myself, "After all, when you really get to know him you may find he is someone you can't stand. On the other hand, there is Steve. A life long friend, always there when you needed him, ready to stand by you in thick and thin. You would have to be really stupid to walk away from someone like him in dreams of someone you hardly know."

I continued to look at myself in the mirror and saw tears streaming down my cheeks again, "But I have to know if Rob is the one for me."

Sure I have to know, like I need another hole in my head. I forced myself from my bed, stripped naked and pulled on my robe. I needed a glass of milk; perhaps that would help and I could get some sleep. I started for the kitchen hoping Mom would be in bed. I stopped and listened at her bedroom door just to make sure.

"Hello June, I'm sorry to bother you this late, but I was wondering if I could possibly speak to Steven?"

Speak to Steve? Why would Mom want to talk with Steve this time of night? I pressed my ear hard against the door trying not to miss a word. Finally I could tell Steve came to the phone.

"Steven, you are Jamie's best friend, and I know how guys are always protecting what they feel is secret or sacred, but do you know why Jamie would be so unhappy?"

There was a long pause while I assumed Steve was trying to answer Mom's question.

"I know that Dear, but Jamie is so unhappy, and I heard him crying in his room tonight. Anything you can tell me would mean so much."

Oh thanks Mom! Now my best friend knows I'm a crybaby. Thanks, I really needed that!

"I know Steven, I know. But, I hate to ask you to do that, not at this late hour."

Do what? What was Steve going to do? It is almost eleven o'clock; surely whatever he thought he could do would wait until morning.

"OK Steven, if you think that would be the best thing to do. But you know I will have to speak with your Mother.

Mom then must have moved to her window seat. For the longest time all I could hear was muffled words and bits and pieces. "June please… being unreasonable… yes I will be here" Then Mom's words became more audible as she moved back closer to the door. "OK, June I promise this will be the only time."

"All right Steven, I'm sure you heard that it will be OK. Oh, and Steven I hope Jamie knows just how loyal a friend he has. Good-bye Dear."

I could hear Mother moving about in her room. I hurried back to my room not know just what to expect. I slipped my robe off and lay naked on top of my bed. My mind was torn between Rob and what a wonderful friend I had in Steve. I had no idea what my best bud had in mind but I knew it would be something completely unselfish. I sat upright at the sound of the doorbell. I could hear Mom hurry down the hallway and muffled voices coming from the living room. I reached for my robe and stepped to my door just as a faint tap came from the other side. Easing the door open I was greeted by Steve's smiling face.

I stepped back and Steve closed the door behind him. Before I realized it I was in his arms and receiving the tenderest kiss I had ever experienced.

When Steve broke our delightful connection I leaned back in his arms and searched his eyes. "Whatever have I done to deserve such a hot hello?"

"You're my Bud, and when you hurt I hurt. Your mother called me and asked if I could come over and cheer you up. I thought that was a good way to begin."

I don't know what happened; it felt as though every emotion in me suddenly wanted out. I put my arms around Steve's waist and pulled him tight against me then suddenly the floodgates once more were opened. I lay my head on his shoulder and sobbed uncontrollably. I know you think I'm stupid after all; my little problem wasn't that big a deal. And you know you are probably right. But, this is my first love, and first loves are the biggest ones. I loved Rob so much it hurt. I loved Steve so much it hurt. Rob was now treating me like a leftover friend and that hurt the most. And I was caught in the middle. Rob probably would never love me, Steve already did, and I wanted them both but could only have one. It made no difference which one I chose, two of use was going to be hurt if my dreams about Rob were true.

"Steve… Steve, I don't deserve you." I kissed his beautiful red lips and I could taste my own salty tears on my lips. "You are just too much." I shuddered hard and kissed him again.

"Hush now Baby, I'm here to make you feel all better. Not to cause your beautiful eyes to be all red and puffy, and your cute little nose all stuffy."

That made me chuckle and I let him slip my robe off my shoulders. It fell to the floor and Steve French kissed me hard. My cock came to attention and was drilling holes in his hard stomach. He cupped my ball and made me moan around his searching tongue. We never broke our tongue-sucking kiss; he simply stepped back a little and disrobed completely all the while suckling my tongue like a baby feeding on his mother's nipple.

"That's me, the feel good guy. Now come over here and lay down and tell The Feel Good Guy all your problems."

He laid me on my back than slipped half on top of me his left leg over both of mine and partly resting his upper body on my chest so he could look down into my eyes.

I didn't know what to say, I just started talking. It seemed like every other word I got a peck on the lips or a nibble on my ear; my cock staid hard as a rock and I could feel his press tight against my hip but I continued to share my feeling with my best friend. What made it so easy was I could tell he really wanted to hear and to help, and that made it so much easier to voice things I never felt I could with another person. I could feel the tears starting to slide down my face again I didn't want to cry any more tonight but it felt I was helpless to stop it.

"But, I don't want to cry anymore. I think I know what I want...no I do know what I want." I sobbed hard, "I want you to say you will be my boyfriend."

Steve looked deep into my eyes and I could see a sparkle in his. "Baby I want that too. But, I have already told you I want all of you. I can't share you with Rob. It would not be fair to you or me, not to mention Rob."

"Baby you are so sweet and a true friend, but a terrible liar. You love him; first you have to settle that in your heart it won't go away just because you want it to."

When did Steve get so smart? I have known him all my life and never realized before just how much wisdom he possessed. I nodded my head slowly and pulled his face to mine. As we kissed he stroked my forehead softly and once more the thought crossed my mind, "There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother."

I spread my legs wide so he could settle between them, "There… in the nightstand… my jack off lube."

My breath was already coming in short raspy gasps just feeling Steve grinding his cock and balls against mine. Once he had the lube in hand he sat back on his knees and began to slowly spread the cool slippery cream onto my opening.

Then he slipped his finger in, "OH! ... Steve!" Then he began to move it ever so slowly in a small circle.

I opened my eye and the sweetest, cutest, most gentle smile I ever say was looking down at me.

His dick head pressed against my opening and I thought I would swoon. "Relax Baby, you are too tense ... just relax. Let your stomach relax."

Using the back of his hand he gently stroked my stomach, than ran both hand under my butt and picked me up a little kneading my buttocks as he did.

"You are so beautiful, so beautiful. I can't believe you have let me be your friend all these year. My beautiful boy."

Steve's words were like and aphrodisiac to me, they aroused me sexually but they also brought a calming quiet through my body. I felt every muscle feel as though they suddenly collapsed, and when they did Steve was inside me.

There was a brief moment where it stung just a little but that was quickly replaced with a feeling of total euphoria. The head of his cock was just inside my tight ring but I wanted him all, all of him! I wiggled my hips trying to slide closer to him, but he knew what I was trying to do.

"Easy Baby, easy just take it slow. We don't want to hurt you." He chuckled a little when I continued trying to get him in deeper. "Baby, let me do it. I want this to be as special a moment for you as it was for me."

I forced myself to lie still and just enjoy all the new sensations I was feeling. Soon Steve started moving ever so slow and pressing in just a little with each movement. I had taken time since our last love session to do a little research of my own on the net, I now knew that it was my prostate that Steve had touched when he had finger fucked me. This time when he slid past it the feeling was so much more intense, and I clamped down hard on his dick trying to savor every glorious feeling.

Not all the way in? I felt like I was as full as a tick. I had measured Steve's dick but I never realized seven inches would be so far up inside me. To my surprise when I felt his hips touch me, and his balls swing against my butt, I was wishing he had seven more inches to give me.

He slowly moved my legs so my knees were over his shoulders. Then he leaned forward doubling me almost completely over, this raised my butt higher and allowed him to penetrate me even deeper.

He moved so slow and easy, and I could see the love in his eyes. How could I have someone love me this much and me being so inconsiderate that I though I needed someone else?

I have to be some kind of jerk, there is no other word for my action. Steve is my friend that has stuck by me closer than a brother all my life and I have been so self-centered I could never see it.

"Baby," and this time he drove into my butt hard enough to bring me out of my feeling of self-pity.

"Your eyes, your face, your cute little butt that I'm in. I've know you almost all your life, I know what you are thinking. Come on Baby, let me make you happy tonight."

Tears flowed from my eyes like a faucet was suddenly turned on. "Steve...Honey...I don't deserve you."

I started to answer but he covered my mouth with the tips of his fingers than leaned down and covered my lips with his. Again he started moving slowly in and out. Soon the bliss flooded my soul, my being; my every pore came alive to what Steve was doing to me and for me. If this was not the true feeling of love than I would never know what love felt like. I could feel the heat starting to build inside me and the more it built the more alive I became. For the first time in my life I wanted an orgasm that really meant something, something beyond just a good feeling and a fun time. Steve must have read my mind again; he reached between us and began stroking my cock in time with his earth shaking thrusts. Suddenly my prostate came alive and I knew this was going to be the orgasm I was searching for.

The first spurt landed on my face, but it did not stop there I was soon drenched in my own cum. I spurted and pumped until it almost hurt and yet my body tried to expel more of my love juice. I never dreamed it possible to ejaculate so much cum. I suddenly realized Steve was shuddering through the throws of his own climax and I could actually feel him spray my inside with his own sticky offering. Just as I though I could stand no more his thrust slowed and came to a gradual stop. He allowed my legs to settle back to the bed than he lay on top of me.

I started to protest more but those big brown eyes held me captive as he slowly shook his head 'No.' I new there was no need to objection farther and I really was not able at the present time to do so. I never felt so relaxed and completely drained in my life. I could feel sleep coming on and knew it was going to be the best rest I had had in days. I drew Steve tightly into the circle of my arms and let sleep have its way with me.

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Discovering the Unknown

Chapter 5

By Angel Love