Discovering Love

Written by Rick Beck

Chapter 15

Some Other Brother

After gym the next day I was sitting in the bleachers taking my time getting to the showers because second lunch was all dressing out early for gym. I liked to wait until there wasn't so much confusion in the locker room. There were half a dozen guys on the far side of the gym working out on the wrestling mat. When I saw one of them was Greg, my attention was riveted to him. He wrestled with two different guys and seemed to be bigger and more agile than both of them.

It excited me to see the way Greg hung on their backs, driving his hips into their ass as they struggled to get free of his weight. I knew it was called riding time, and it was an apt description, the way Greg applied it. I wondered if there was ever a time it wasn't on his mind. I wondered if any of those boys got pissed off when Greg used them for his pleasure, when they weren't willing participants in one of his games.

It took me awhile to recognize Timmy in the spandex wrestling uniform. I thought he went to school with Doug. He had on protective headgear, and it took me a minute to realize whom it was Greg wrestled. In the skin hugging tights Greg seemed even that much larger than the younger boy. The longer I sat there the more difficult it was for me to take my eyes off the action.

Greg's hips drove even harder into Timmy than the two boys who he wrestled before him. There was no pretense it was wrestling as far as I could tell. The harder Timmy struggled the more Greg adhered to him, grinding his hips into Timmy's ass. It was like they were screwing, right in front of the two dozen people who were now starting to fill the gym, waiting for the next period to begin, staring at the wrestlers copulating on the mat. No one paid attention, watching the grinding for a few seconds before walking away unconcerned. Greg's crotch stayed pressed tightly into Timmy's ass. Didn't anyone notice that little detail besides me?

No one watched them for long, moving away to where they belonged. There was one wrestler left, waiting for a turn. He sat with his head bowed and his arms dangling down between his bent knees. His eyes followed the two wrestlers much as mine did as he held one wrist in the other hand. Everyone else had wrestled and returned to the locker room. He watched as Greg kept one hand on Timmy's stomach and one on the inside of Timmy's left thigh, and his dick stayed glued to Timmy's bottom. You couldn't see it but you knew and so did the last wrestler. I thought I could see alarm in his eyes while he watched the way Greg was humping against Timmy. His eyes never left the spot where the were welded together.

Greg finally rolled off and onto his back. I could see him breathing hard as sweat rolled off of him and onto the mat. The hair under his arms was matted and wet. Timmy rolled up beside him, laughing like he'd just heard a funny one, and then he was looking at me. He said something to Greg, who lifted his head up to look at me, and then he let it drop back down on the mat like it weighed a ton. He rolled over onto his knees to get up and then he started toward me with Timmy in tow.

"You're next, Paul," Greg yelled back over his shoulder as he jogged toward me looking like he was worn to a frazzle.

"Hi, Martin," Timmy said as Greg pulled up short and stood behind him.

"Hi, Timmy," I said, nodding at Greg. "I didn't know you wrestled."

"Oh yeah! He's a load," Timmy said, breathing hard and his uniform was covered in sweat. "He wrestles all us smaller guys to keep us in shape. Most of the older guys won't take the time. Coach makes him do it because he's good at it."

"I'm good at everything," Greg said, leaning forward with his hands on his knees.

"You forgot one," I said.

"Paul? Little boy lost," Greg said. "I'm saving him for last. I like to piss him off. Fucker never wears a jockstrap."

"His got this long skinny dick like Herbie. You should see that thing," Timmy whispered loud enough for it to echo along the bleachers. "Got this wicked bend in the middle of it."

"That one," I said as a group of people walked past the mat.

"The red head," Timmy said, nodding over to a tall thin boy who leaned against the wall and watched us or Greg.

"He's a pussy," Greg said. "Like you, Martin. No competition. Light weight. Knows what he wants but can't ask you for it."

"Riding guy's asses? Yeah, that's your specialty isn't it, Greg?" I spit the words out without planning to say anything.

"Fuck you, Martin," Greg growled in flash of anger.

"We making a date or you blowing hot air?" I asked as he turned his back on me.

"You had your chance, Martin, and you blew it," Greg shouted, causing everyone to look.

"I guess I'll see you this weekend, huh?" Timmy said as he turned to follow the god of war back to his lair.

"Yeah, sounds like fun," I said. "I'm looking forward to it."

"We're going to shoot some pool after school today. You coming over?" Timmy said, walking backwards as he moved back to the mat.

"No," Greg snapped. "He had his shot yesterday."

Timmy looked at me and then Greg. I couldn't read his face but something was going through his brain that hadn't been going through there a minute before.

"Come on, stud. Don't want to disappoint Paul. He's probably on hard already from thinking about it."

Paul couldn't help but hear, but he showed no expression. He just watched the two boys as they moved back onto the mat. I watched them going back to the other side of the gym. Timmy jumped on Greg's back, forcing him down on his knees as they reached the mat. Greg yelled and threw him over his head roughly, bouncing him twice before he jumped back up and rushed him again.

I finished taking off my shoes and socks while remembering Greg riding my ass the day before. I didn't know why but every time we got together we ended up arguing about something. The day before I believed Greg really wanted to be with me. Not like he was with everyone else but he wanted me because I wasn't like everyone else. I watched him riding Timmy down flat onto the mat where he stayed, looking totally exhausted.

Paul stood up and there was a snake in the front of his tights that wiggled when he walked toward the mat. You couldn't miss it. He threw his weight at Greg's chest, catching him off guard and knocking him off Timmy. Paul was nearly as tall as Greg was, but maybe twenty pounds lighter.

"I got to get to class," Paul complained, not sounding at all happy with the delay. "Coach said I got to get five minutes in with you today."

Greg jumped up and they were fanning their arms at one another. That damn snake kept wiggling in those tights and looked like it could actually peak out the bottom of the right leg as he is stalking Greg. Then Paul lunged in and caught one of Greg's thighs. When he couldn't knock him off balance, he stood back up and they locked arms. Greg ended up behind him with his hands locked on the boy's stomach just above the slithering snake started.

Paul faked a move in one direction and then another and he swiftly reversed their positions. He tripped Greg from behind by using his ankle against Greg's, still working in an effort to get him off balance. You could see Greg tiring and his opponent seemed fresh and determined to prevail. He adroitly pushed his weight in such a way that collapsed Greg onto his stomach and at the same time that slithering snake ended up right in the middle of Greg's butt crack with the boy riding him hard. I almost stood up and cheered the move, as Greg seemed helpless under him.

His mouth gapped and the mat grew wetter from the sweat. I could see Greg breathing hard as his opponent stayed in control as he seemed to run out of gas.

"Yes," I said, watching Greg make one grand effort to slip out of the other boy's hold. I didn't want to see Greg defeated. I guess he was some kind of hero to me even if I didn't know what kind. I wanted to hurt him but I didn't want anyone else to do it.

Paul managed to hang on and shifted to keep Greg under him. I thought I'd finally found someone who could put Greg in his place but I didn't need to see it. I watched the boy trying to enhance his hold on him. He reached around Greg, getting his hand on the inside of his thigh, all the time his round bubble butt was churning hard, as he drove his body into Greg's. Greg's attempts to escape seemed half-hearted at best. Perhaps he'd worn himself out and this was the consequence, but in the back of my mind I suspected there was a larger web being woven and the humping boy was already in it. For too long Greg seemed helpless and each move was countered easily as the boy rode a previous tormentor hard.

I was running late for fifth period and I couldn't shower because of watching the boys wrestling, or whatever it was they were doing. I looked back when I got to the door, and Greg had slipped the hold and was circling Paul for the kill. I shook my head and said, "I knew it." Greg was up on his toes looking like a formidable foe yet again. As the door was closing behind me in the locker room, I heard a resounding thud echoing from the gym. I knew who was riding whom now. Greg was indomitable. He'd only been resting while he toyed with the prey.

I couldn't concentrate the rest of the day and I kept thing about what I'd seen in the gym and what Greg and I had done in his bed. My mind refused to think of anything but sex. I carried my books in front of me as I started out of the school on my way home. I'd need to do something about that immediately if I wanted any peace.

On my way home that afternoon I kept picturing Greg with the wrestlers. It gave me a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach when I thought about what was really going on. The day before it was my ass he wanted to ride. He didn't seem to be able to pass up a chance to use his dick on someone.

As I came down the street toward my house, two boys were sitting on the cover of the old well that had been closed off since before we moved into the house. At first I wasn't sure who was waiting there until I recognized Doug. The other boy was taller and thinner with short dark hair. As I got closer they stood up and the taller boy brushed off the seat of his khaki pants.

Doug smiled when we were an easy distance apart. His even white teeth showed in perfect rows and accented his shapely lips. The other boy stood fast as he watched my approach.

"Hi, Martin."

"Hi, Doug. Fancy meeting you here."

"This is Kent. I been telling you two about each other," he said, looking at me. "Figured you should meet so we would all be friends."

Kent took one step forward and thrust out his hand. "Good to meet you," he said in a strong formal tone of voice that I'd suspect you might here at Rotary Club meetings.

"Yeah," I said, finding my way to his blue eyes and then almost immediately becoming out of breath. My heart seemed to flutter as our hands collided. The smile took a second to develop. We held each other's hand as the stare took on a life of its own as we smiled together.

"God, you two cut it out already. I knew you'd like each other but not in the middle of the fuckin' street," Doug said.

"Come on," I said. "I'll fix you guys a Coke and get out of these clothes."

"Yeah!" Kent said. "Can I watch? Not the Coke, you getting out of your clothes."

"He's a nice boy, Kent. He hasn't been around like you. Give it some time, will you?"

"I'm not so nice," I said. "Doug's the only one who thinks I'm nice. I try to humor him."

"My mother," Doug said. "She knows nice when she sees it. She says, Martin is a very nice boy."

"Herbie. Herbie says, "Martin's nice. A bit naïve, but I'm working on it." Herbie's my big brother, you know."

"I'm not that nice," I protested, turning around to look at Kent with Doug walked beside me to the front door. "Herbie got robbed!"

"Does that mean I get to watch?" Kent asked as my stomach tightened and a herd of butterflies tried to get my feet off the ground. "It only gets better."

"Jesus, Kent, don't start yet. You two cool off while I'm around."

"Sure," I said sounding giddy when I heard the word get away from me.

I let them in the house and took them to the kitchen to pour Cokes.

"I'm going to go change. It'll only take me a minute," I said, heading for my bedroom so we could make a quick getaway before my father got home.

"Small, huh," Kent said, coming to the door of my room with his Coke in his hand. He was looking right at my somewhat stained white briefs.

"Big enough," I said, checking my lap as my pants rested on my knees.

"My room is big," Kent said, looking all around at my piles of junk and discarded clothing.

"Oh, yeah, it's big enough for me though. I don't take up much room when you get rid of the trash and dirty laundry."

"Size is a problem for you," he said as he focused on me as I stood to grab my last clean pair of jeans off my dresser from when I hadn't put them away since they were last washed.

"Not usually. Being around your brother and Greg could give a guy an inferiority complex."

"A big bedroom gives you a lot more room for junk. Mine's a mess," he said.

"I'm sorry. You were looking at me and I thought you meant, you know, size size. It's not a problem."

"I did," he said, smiling and giving me a total once over with those twinkling eyes. "I'm just being an asshole. You look just fine to me. Size is over rated anyway."

"Only a guy with it would say that," I said.

"I suppose. I've got all I'll ever need, but like I said, then I've got to clean up all those piles when the old man gets on us about being messy."

"I don't have any idea what we're talking about," I said.

"Size," Kent said and I pulled my fresh shirt on over my head and then thought of my Right-Guard and before putting my arms through the holes, I grabbed the deodorant and swiped under each arm without being able to see what I was doing.

"You got hair," Kent said, letting his eyes work me over some more.

"Ah, I suppose. It just grows."

In a sudden move he jammed his right arm straight up in the air and held out the sleeve of his blue to examine what was inside. "I'm hairless except on my head and around my...." His glance down at his midriff made an inquiry unnecessary.

"I wouldn't know about that," I said, trying to sound nice as my eyes lingered on his crotch now that he'd taken us there.

"Herbie told me about you and Greg yesterday," Kent said. "I know you aren't nice. Not too nice, anyway."

"He what?"

"Oh, it's nothing personal. He talks about whatever he did every night after we go to bed. Any thing to do with sex. Herbie talks about, thinks about, and is engaged in sex about ninety percent of his waking hours."

"Your brother tells you about his sex life."

"No, he tells me about anything to do with sex. He thinks it gets me in the mood."

"Your brother?"

"Herbie," Kent said with clarity in his voice. He sipped from his Coke. He watched me watching him.

"You do it with your brother?" I couldn't hide my shock.

"Lighten up, Martin."

"Your brother?"

"After he told me about you and Greg, I knew I had to meet you. It was my idea."

"What did he tell you?" Doug said, slipping up to the door beside him.

"Herbie tells me everything. It would take all afternoon."

"Herbie is not someone to tell your secrets to, Martin," Doug advised.

"Especially if he knows you're having sex with someone we know," Kent said.

"Anyone," Doug said, "But let's not get into that. Does every conversation have to be about sex. I'd really like to forget about sex for one afternoon."

"We're fourteen, Doug, of course every conversation is about sex. Was when I was thirteen, come to think of it." Kent look thoughtful as he spoke.

"Fifteen," I said.

"Oh, you stop thinking about it at fifteen," Kent said. "Right! I'll mark that down."

"Ah, I don't think you ever stop, Kent. Not until you are dead," I said.

"My brother's seventeen and it's all he thinks about. I could never keep up with him."

"Everyone isn't like you and your brother," Doug said. "Some of us have lives that aren't always leading away from or toward a sexual liaison."

"Speak for yourself," I said.

"Greg?" Kent added.

"Not every one is like you, your brother, and my brother. I think your father might have gotten with my mother and that's how Greg got your family sex gene."

"Herbie tells me everything, Doug, every night, everything. I'm there when you sleep over, remember?"

"Does every conversation have to be about that?" Doug yelled. "That's all I'm saying. Yes, I'm fourteen. Yes, I think about. Yes, I do it. No, it isn't all there is to my life."

"Nice day," Kent said.

"Might rain tomorrow," I said.

"When I lay in the bed and listen to the rain on the roof, it makes my dick so hard," Kent said.

"Hopeless," Doug said, shaking his head.

"You want to get out of here. I can show you where I live," Kent said as we moved to the living room.

"Cool," I said. "That way we can avoid my old man."

We left my house and started walking up the gravel road.

"My parents go away most weekends. Pop's a pilot. Maybe you could stay over one time?"

"Cool," I said.

"He's going to the Mountains with me this weekend," Doug said.

"I didn't say this weekend," Kent explained.

"Well don't," Doug said as we walked.

"Root Beer, Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, or Sprite?" Kent asked as he dropped two ice cube trays onto the countertop.

"Let's go downstairs," Kent said. "We can put on a movie. The old man just got a shipment from Denmark."

"Kent!" Doug said.

"Okay, okay, we've got other movies besides those," Kent said. "I'll show you the private stock when you stay over. Some neat shit, Martin. You'll be hard for a week."

"Cool," I said, getting a stern stare from Doug.

Kent burst through the door at the bottom of the stairs and straight ahead on the biggest television I'd ever seen was two girls locked in a sixty-nine position.

"Close the door," Herbie screamed.

"You said you were going to be out this afternoon," Kent said meekly.

"I changed my mind, okay. I ran into Nicky and Ben, okay!"

One boy sat at the end of the couch staring into the screen. I'm not sure he knew we were there. Another smaller boy was in the middle looking at us, and Herbie was in his bulging boxers with his shoulders leaning up against the arm of the couch closest to the door. The middle boy was partially leaning back against Herbie's bent right knee that leaned on the back of the couch.

"That's Nick, Timmy's brother on the end over there. That's Ben, Timmy's brother in the middle. This is Martin," Doug said. "He knows your brothers. He's cool."

"You aren't," Herbie said. "Can't a guy get some privacy."

"I seen you up the bowling alley," Ben said, swinging his legs as he looked at me.

"Yeah, I go up there some times," I said.

"Yeah, you was with my brother one time," Ben said, looking at my face. "That's how come I remember seeing you."

"We're busy," Herbie said, looking back at us. "This is just getting good."

"I got to go before my old man gets home," Ben said, jumping up. "Come on, Nicky. Let's cruise."

"Huh," Nick said, mesmerized by the image of the girls now kissing on the television.

"We got to go. I got to be home when the old man gets there or else."

"Okay, just a minute," Nick said, standing up without taking his eyes off the screen. His pants stood partially open with dark hairs sprouting out of the yawning hole. The two boys went between us and up the stairs after another minute. They were giggling by the time they got to the top.

"We can go to my room," Kent said. "He'll be at it for awhile."

"One of you can stay for a few minutes, Doug," Herbie said, feeling himself through the white boxers and looking over his shoulder directly at Doug.

"We'll be down in a few," Kent said. "Martin hasn't seen my room."

"That's cool. Give me some privacy and leave my new Playboy alone, Kent. I want to read it before you get the pages all stuck together, okay."

As we started up the stairs Herbie yelled, "Doug, come here a minute. I got something to tell you. They're only going up stairs."

"I'll catch up," Doug said. "Don't worry, nothings going to happen."

I didn't know if he was talking to me or to Kent, but I didn't believe it because he didn't sound like he meant it. I don't think Kent did either but we said nothing about his absence. The first thing Kent did was get Herbie's new Playboy out of the bedroom closet. It had a pink cover and the girl was sitting on her feet and had two huge white bunny ears on her head. She had a set of bodacious tatas and no one had to explain what that was. He did find it necessary to lick the both, one ta at a time, while he kept his hand busy rubbing the front of his pants.

"How long you lived here?"

"We moved in last year. How long you lived here?"

"Most all my life," I said. "Did you know Doug in Germany?"

"Yeah, I've known Doug since forever. We've been best friends since then. We can talk to each other, you know. We did stuff together for awhile but we stopped after we was maybe twelve."

"He's a nice guy," I said. "I mean really nice."

"He thinks you're nice. He talks about you all the time. Doug likes nice guys."

"I've heard," I said. "I sure like him too, but Greg really complicates that."

"Yeah, Greg's a handful.

"Ain't that the truth."

"He said I'd like you, you know. He said we ought to meet. He said we'd be good for each other. Doug."

"Do you?"

We laid flat on the bed with our heads turned so we could stare into each other's eyes. He was handsome, but it was more than that. There was something about him that was powerfully attractive to me. And he was nice too, and I really liked that most about him. He seemed direct and smart and there weren't any games or any attempt at deception that I could detect.

"Do you bowl?" Kent asked.

"A little. I'm not very good at it," I said.

"Good, neither am I. I'm a walking spaz attack when it comes to sports, like my brother. I do like it. Maybe we could go when you stay over. Early before anyone shows up to see me bowl."

"Why do you want me to stay over?"

"Well, Doug's been telling me I got to meet you. Herbie told me about you and Greg Yesterday. I figured we could, you know, if you want. Doug thinks you're so innocent that I figured you'd be a big fat waste of time. I mean I got plenty of friends."

"Is that all you think about?" I said, imitating Doug's rebuke.

"Yep, 'fraid so. How about you?"

"It's getting to be," I said.

We kept staring into each other's eyes and I wanted to bite my tongue for saying stupid shit. Kent was like totally cool. I felt like I'd known him about a million years or so. In some ways he did seem a lot like his brother but he was way different too. I don't know how to explain that. There was something about Kent that was very special and I felt totally comfortable being with him.

"I do think about it an awful lot. When I first meet someone, I always know if I would or wouldn't. If I would, I got to figure out if they would. After that it's a matter of if I do or not. I've gotten used to it."

"Do you do it a lot?"

"When I get a chance. I like sex, Martin. Do you want me to lie? I get all I need and it's fine; it doesn't keep me up nights. Well, that's not exactly accurate. It does as long as we're going at it."

"What else do you do beside that?"

"I read some, not just Playboy. I liked that Stephen Crane book on the Civil War. How the guy ran and then got back and fought. Who would figure you could get back once you run?"

"Red Badge Of Courage," I said, knowing the book.

"Yeah, did you read it?"

"Three times. I do a book report on it every year but I've read it every year since seventh grade until this year. Usually I read books once and then do a book report on it every year."

"I like to paint. Nothing fancy. Still life kinds of stuff. It gives me a weird feeling to see something I done. Weird, eh? I paint nude some times."

"I'm a total waste when it comes to art - I write," I said.

"What do you write?" Kent asked.

"Poems. Stories. About my life, my friends."

"You want to bring one over. Read it to me. I want to know about what you write. What's inside your head. That's so neat. You going to write about me?"

"No doubt. I like you. I write about people I like."

"You could write about stuff we do. We can figure some really fun shit, and then you can read it to me once you write it. I want you to read me something."

"Maybe when I stay over," I said.

"I haven't scared you off yet? My dick's hard thinking about you writing about stuff we do."

"Me too," I said.

It startled me when I felt him trying to pry up my fingers until he had woven his fingers into mine. I can't describe the feeling it gave me knowing he wanted to hold my hand. God! It was weird because I'd sucked guys off, licked places I didn't necessarily think folks ought to be licking, and I'd kissed a guy while my lips were loaded full of his... just desserts, and yet I'd never held hands with another human being. It created a warm and wonderful feeling in my heart. We stayed eyeball to eyeball and neither of us blinked.

"Can you come over tomorrow after school? We could do something."

"If you want me to, yes," I said.

"I want you to. Herbie's got plans. What's your favorite color?"

"Blue."

"Me too."

"Favorite ice cream?"

"Rocky Road."

"Me too. Favorite toy from when you was a kid?"

"Teddy bear."

"GI Joe doll my old man brought me back from Oki, Okinawa."

"It's close," I said.

"Close enough."

"What's up? You two playing nice?" Doug said as he came to the door.

"Nicer than you've been playing. Is that all you ever think about," Kent said, looking Doug over.

"I didn't do anything. He wanted to talk. You know how he is."

"Doug!" Kent said.

"Well, we did talk. The whole time we was talking. I swear."

"Look, I don't care what you do with him, but my old man'll be home any time, and if he sees your pants unzipped, well..., what's he gonna think?" Kent said, sounding concerned.

Doug grabbed for his zipper but it was up. He glared at Kent.

"Just checking. I know my brother well enough to know what, come here a minute means."

"You don't have to tell Martin everything you know. He might a figured we were talking."

"Did we hit a nerve? Doug, it's okay if you do stuff - no one cares. We'll still like you. Even more knowing you're human like us."

Kent tried to back away from the confrontation he'd stirred up but now it was on Doug's mind.

"I don't want everyone knowing my business, that's all," Doug shot back.

"We're all friends, Doug. It's okay for you to be what you are," I said. "I like you just the way you are."

"I keep saying I'm going to stop," he said to me, sounding depressed. "Then I always say, just one more time and I'll quit. I don't want to be that way."

"Let's face it, Dougie, we both have brothers who aren't never going to let us stop. You can't not want sex anyway. You just need to take control so you are doing it when you want to be doing it and who you want to be doing it with."

"Greg doesn't bother me any more. He's more interested in getting new boys to do it. I want it at the time when I'm doing it and then I feel guilty for doing it. Why do you want it and feel guilty once you're done?"

Doug dropped down on the bed between us and Kent rolled over and put his arms around his friend in a comforting way. He reached his hand out to touch my hair and face while he was holding Doug.

"It's not normal to be doing... or wanting to do it ALL the time," Doug protested.

"It is normal, Dougie. The only thing that ain't normal is having other guys that feel the same way and admit it."

"It's not. It can't be," Doug said firmly. "I think I'm becoming Greg some times."

"Martin, is it or is it not normal to be doing it or wanting to do it all the time when you get to be our age?"

"Mostly I wanted to be doing it all the time because I had no opportunity to be doing it with anyone," I said, trying to get all the words in the right place so he could figure out what I was saying.

"You haven't been around these guys before," Doug lamented. "They're all pervs."

"Thanks, buddy. I love you too," Kent said. "Of course you and my brother are normal, right."

"You're a nice perv, Kent. My brother and Herbie are just pervs. You're a victim of an overactive sex drive."

"Why do you do it with him then? It's not like they weren't at it the entire time we was hangin' out at Martin's. They didn't just get here and left when we showed up? Ben's been over here every afternoon when I get home the last week. He just started bringing Nick with him."

"Where does he live," I asked, curious about the two boys that had been with Herbie when we got there.

"Ben's house is directly behind ours. Nick's is directly across and over three to the left from where Ben lives."

"At least I'm in good company," I said. "I thought I was the only perv. You think it's in the water around here."

We all laughed and hugged each other for comfort, but it wasn't a jovial kind of laughter, more ironic, I think. We were all thinking how nice it would be to be happy about who we were and what we were doing with each other. I wasn't happy about it. I wasn't exactly happy wanting guys. I wasn't happy being wanted by guys. I didn't know what I was looking for when I did the things I did, but right then, I wanted Kent and Doug together or separately, it didn't matter.

I wanted Herbie too when he came to the door, still in his underwear, feeling himself through the pee hole once he saw me look there. I remembered the snake in red's spandex condom, how it squirmed around and slithered on his long lean thigh, and how he then worked it into the crack of Greg's ass and humped him hard for the longest time. Why couldn't I see Greg fat dick wiggling in his tights? Why not Timmy's? Why was that guy's dick so obvious and why did he wait until he was last to ride Greg's ass? I decided I could make time for red too.

"I told you not to mess with this," Herbie snapped as he yanked the Playboy up off the bed and out from under us. He immediately unfolded the centerfold and held it up against his crotch as he looked at the naked form. "God I want her."

"You want everyone," Kent said.

"Creates more opportunity that way," Herbie said, kissing the picture and I remembered Kent licking the cover. They were brothers in every sense of the word. Kent was handsome and Herbie was homely, but they even sounded similar. They both had something that drew me to them. Their smiles were a come-on and their body language was an invitation.

"Kent's going to be here. You want to see some films, Martin."

"Herbie," Doug said, alarmed. "You ever want to get together again?"

"I figured you were done for now, Doug. I didn't mean. You know you're my main man, champ. You always are, it's just that...."

"Shut up," Doug said, and I heard Greg in his admonishment.

"Oh, I'm fine if Doug isn't up for a go, is that it?" I inquired in mock anger as he held his underwear tight around his erection.

"Oops. I better split before I get into any more trouble. Doug you are welcome to come watch another movie with me and if you aren't interested, then Martin, I'll finish what the Gregor started yesterday if you like. I'm not as rough as he is."

I hadn't had a chance to talk to Doug yet and I could tell by the expression on his face that he understood more about what was going on in his bedroom the day before.

"Herbie!" I said.

"Oops! I'm going, I'm going."

Kent whistled a happy tune as the conversation ran out of steam with the departure of Herbie.

"I don't care, Martin. I mean, I care that I don't want you to get hurt. That's why I introduced you to Kent. He's okay and he won't use you."

"Well, maybe just a little," Kent said, smiling shyly with his gentle puppy dog eyes. "On days when you feel up to it. We could use each other even."

"I've got fifteen minutes before I need to head home," I said eagerly.

"Martin!" Doug said. "Wait until I'm not around. I should have known this was a mistake."

"Tomorrow," Kent said silently while holding his hand over Doug's eyes.

"I heard that," Doug said, pulling the hand away and looking at both of us.

"Heard what? Did you hear anything, Martin?"

"Not a thing," I said, looking around the room.

"I know you two are cooking something up," Doug said, scooting off the foot of the bed. "I was hoping you liked each other. Come on Martin, I'll walk you as far as your road. I got to get home too.

Kent stood when I got up and he held my hand as we walked to the front door. Doug looked at us and he shook his head. I stared up into Kent's heavenly eyes as we said goodbye. Doug leaned on the door, sighing loud enough to break our trance. Kent stood on the front porch to watch us moving away from his house. I looked back over my shoulder at him until just before we went out of sight to make sure he was still there. He waved at the last instant we could see each other, and I waved back.

"Now you can forget about Greg, okay," Doug said. "He'll only cause you grief. I love my brother, but he's a dick. You need to leave him alone."

"What about you? Does this mean I've got to leave you alone too? Now that you've passed me on to Kent that changes everything? I can't stop feeling what I feel, Doug. Don't ask me not to feel what I feel."

"I can't be what you need, Martin. I want you to be happy and I want us to be friends. If I try to make you happy, I'm afraid we will end up not being friends. I'd rather be your friend."

"I am happy but I like you. I thought we were friends. Doug you do it with Herbie. Everyone knows you do it with Herbie. What's wrong with me?"

"I know, but I'm not ready to be liked the way you're wanting to be liking someone. I'd only disappoint you and I don't want to do that. Let's be friends, Martin. I want us to stay friends."

"Kent is?"

"Uh-huh. Kent's fourteen going on forty. He's honest and up front about who he is. I think you two can be very good friends and I've never fixed anyone up before."

"He likes girls," I said.

"So do I," Doug said. "Kent likes girls the way Herbie and Greg like boys. It doesn't mean anything once you get past the feel good. It's sex. Kent likes guys in a way I don't understand. I mean he merges with them somehow. There was a kid in Germany he was with every minute he could be with him. It was neat to see Kent so happy. He told me he loved him and I believed him."

"You and Kent?"

"He's my best friend. If I could like a guy the way you want, I'd like Kent first. I can't explain it, Martin. I like guys okay. I like sex. I don't like guys for sex. I know it doesn't make any sense. I don't want to get a girl pregnant either. I don't know what I want."

'Herbie?"

"He's about sex. No complications to think about. Do I need to get off or don't I. That's what Herbie is to me. Don't get me wrong, Herbie loves me, and I love him, but only because he always takes care of it for me. I love him because I don't need to do anything else to get it taken care of. I don't have to risk someone else thinking I'm queer. Without him I'd go nuts, I suppose. It's kinda nice, knowing he wants me all the time."

I didn't know what else to ask him and we split up when we passed the gravel road that led down to my house. He didn't look at me and I didn't look at him. I don't know why, I just couldn't, but I still wanted him.

"You're late," my mother said as she slid plates onto the table like a dealer spit out cards at the black jack table.

"Yes, ma'am," I said. "I forgot what time it was."

"You have a doctors appointment after school tomorrow. Don't be late," she said, moving past me to go into the bathroom.

"No!" I said, thinking of Kent and his bed and my desire.

"Don't say no to me, young man," my mother protested without slowing down or looking at me.

"No, ma'am," I said. "I mean yes, ma'am."

Kent would be expecting me and I had no way to contact him. I called Doug after dinner.

"Doug, it's me."

"Martin, what do you want? I gotta go eat."

"Kent, I told him I'd be over tomorrow. I've got a doctor's appointment I forgot about. You go to the same school, right?"

"Yeah, we have math together third period. I'll tell him. No big deal."

"Okay, don't forget."

"I won't. I gotta go - night."

He hung up the phone and I felt an ache in my heart. I didn't want to go to the doctors. Life was such a crock some times.