As They Say

by D K Daniels

Entry Three: A New Kind Of Friend

5th May 1991: Part 1

It took me forever for me to fall asleep last night, after I finished with you know what. I thought it would have made me sleepy as it usually does. I guess I have always been too scared to do it during the day, due to the risk of falling asleep because my energy levels would just go from 100% to 0%. It just usually zapped me of my energy and it would be mortifying if my mam had come looking for me and accidentally walked in while I had fallen asleep in that sort of position.

I hope I am making sense. I wonder if I am the only one that this happens to. I find that after I masturbate I have to wait for a couple of minutes to get my energy back, it's just a hard thing to do. I mean to stay awake afterward. The house sounds like a crypt right now, just like yesterday but I'm not going to risk it again, so I will put a t-shirt on when I go downstairs. I also need to dispose of my underwear. I kinda used it last night to clean up my mess. I was too lazy to get out of bed and go clean up, but now I have to find an effective way to get these soiled boxers into the washing machine. Mam puts the washing machine on first thing in the morning so that means the laundry basket is most likely empty already. I will just have to hide them somewhere and wait until tomorrow or tonight to ditch them. I am going to knock for Ross today, he is something else. I'm not just talking about how hot he is. He seems really cool, a little quiet but he seems like someone I would like to get to know aside from just being obsessed with his hot body and adorable face.

I wonder if Ross has a bike? I have two bikes in the garage and I guess he would be the right size for my older bike he is a little smaller than me, and I think he is the same age as me. I actually never asked what age he is; I'm so dumb… ugh. I haven't used that bike in donkeys. I guess it would have flat tires by now. I do have spare tires somewhere in the shed so all I need to do is go rooting for them. I was hopeless at remembering where I put things down, my dad is like that in a sense, but I would never tell him that, otherwise he would truly be offended.

When I went downstairs I was relieved that only my mam was there, she had come back inside from hanging out the washing. I guess I had my fair share of chores to do before I could go anywhere. I did also beg mam about the album of R.E.M and I was so stoked when she relented.

When I actually finished my responsibilities as my parents call it. I went next door and knocked for Ross, he didn't really hesitate about coming out. He was already showered and dressed, it was almost he was waiting for me to knock. That was so cool, it gave me a funny feeling that he was ready to go out with me before I even knocked. The both just messed around for a little and talk nonsense as we walked back and forth between the two houses and then found a permanent lounging grounds in our front garden. I mentioned the bikes idea to him and he seemed too happy with that idea. I said that I had a spare bike and that two of us could go exploring the village tomorrow if I could find what I needed for the bike by this evening. He offered to help but I didn't want to show him the giant railcar model I have in the garage, it's way too dorky. I knew that I wanted to do this on my own, then again Carl knew about the model and he thought it was pretty awesome, but I did kind of build some of it with him. So, I and he had that common interest. While I worked on perfecting the look of the model he was usually busy sculpting the mountains out of foam.

During dinner, mam actually invited Ross in for dinner and she publicly announced that she got the album I had been wanting to get in front of everyone. When Ross pipped up with a cute smile and asked what it was I was so embarrassed to say R.E.M.

He did go quiet for a moment but then his smile returned and ensured everything was okay. I ate dinner and I then walked Ross to the ended of the driveway and said goodbye. He did look a little tired and well I was feeling tired but I wanted to try and settle the bikes for tomorrow if I could. I think there was a moment that he felt like I was trying to get rid of him. I wasn't actually trying to hurry him. I was just thinking ahead for tomorrow. I wanted tomorrow to be good. I did have a bit of a struggle searching for the tires and I did find what I was looking for, but the worse part was that goddam pump, it had gone missing and I had to tear the place apart looking for it. After some shouting from frustration. I found it, in a really obvious place that I felt stupid for not looking the first time around.

Anyway, the bikes are ready to go for tomorrow, well I think. I'm going to try to listen to some of this music and see what sort of sound and vibe Ross likes. - Night

5th May 1991: Part 2

Oh, My God! He's beautiful. I'm not sure if he knew I could see him but I got a glimpse of him partially naked. From my bedroom window, I have a clear view of the Wilsons house; their house is sorta slanted towards the back of our house. I could see Ross naked. Well, I'm pretty sure he was. Although I didn't see his thing, he defiantly has a great body. He mustn't have been aware that I have a clear view from my bedroom window, but in all retrospect, I happy. I didn't have anything to complain about, who would. I had a lamp on so it wasn't that bright, even if he had looked out the window and caught me. But it looked like he had come from a fresh shower, he had a white towel draped over his shoulders and when he proceeded to dry himself I got a chance to vaguely see his defined chest and the slim body all the way down as far as his belly button. The window ledge obstructed my view but oh god that was a sight. At a time like this, I wish I had a telescope, okay that sounded inappropriate, and largely creepy. But come on he was so damn hot. My shorts are tented right now under the desk. I said to myself that I would cut down on this hobby of mine. I'm not going to be able to skip it now. It's even really hard to focus while writing this. 'Crying on the inside' I really need to do this now, fuck sake, Ross. Why are you so hot?

Night - Adam (who's got a major erection to take care of)

6th May 1991: Part 1

Do you know happened today, that kid Eli had punched confronted me while I was town? With Ross, with ROSS! He came up to me while I was showing Ross around and he started talking leisurely with me, which was okay for the most part. I didn't really hang around with Johnathan King, he was after all the village idiot when it came to us. He was a little weird and nerdy, but he was genuinely okay. I'll never understand why we make it so hard for him to just fit in. He had always had a soft approach with me because I never really gave him shit. I kinda stood up for him when I felt that a situation was wrong. However, I was there when Eli hit him on the GAA grounds behind the cluster of trees that separated the pitches from the tennis courts.

I had made no effort to intervene when Eli hit him, and he took that frustration out on me in town. He started his conversation with me like any normal person would and then it turned subjectivity onto the topic of bullying. He got defensive as we had moved the discussion onto why Eli had hit him. I wasn't sticking up for Eli or what he had done. I was trying to defend myself. All in all, Ross just stood not sure what to think. I hope this doesn't affect what Ross thinks of me. I hope he doesn't think I'm a bully or a selfish person. I really am not, just sometimes I want to stay out of things. Look what this has done for me now. If I hadn't had come to his recuse all those other times he probably wouldn't have wanted me to help him that day. But he must have expected me to do so. I mean something would have eaten me up if I stood by and not done anything. I mean that day that Eli hit him, still bothers me a little. It's not subconsciously plaguing me all the time but its definitely toying with me. I could not believe where all this anger was coming from but he just suddenly lashed out without no warning and swung his arm at me and hit my head.

My immediate response was to drop my bike and shove him back, and I did. I didn't mean to make matters worse, I was just defending myself. But he acted like a dog with rabies. It's not my fault, why did he want to tear into me. He was going to lunge at me again but Ross got in-between the both us and pushed us apart. Johnathan did not have any bad words for Ross because he didn't him know. I was kinda glad that Ross had done what he had done. It was the crossing the line when Johnathan had said coldly before walking away that hurt most. He said "I would be careful with the sort of friends you choose, this one here is no different," and just like he walked off down the street. I felt like I could cry from embarrassment and part guilt. I don't know what I had done to cause this but now I felt that I had jeopardized my friendship with Ross. I should have stood up for that fucking moron. "Ugh…" Sigh, he's not a moron as much as I'd like to call him it. He's just angry at what my friends, well for what Eli was doing to him. Is Eli a good friend? I mean he has always had my back when I needed him, he is a little moody and temperamental but so is Carl, yet carl is not like Eli.

Anyway, for the most part, I got to show Ross the village, or well most of it. But I didn't really feel all that up to it to show him around more and I asked could we split and that I'd talk to him tomorrow. I then cycled home after I made sure that he knew his way home or an idea of the direction. I did find it a bit strange that he wanted to remain in the town. I could have cycled to Eli's house and gave him punch for all my troubles, but that sort of violence was not in me. Instead, I tossed my bike on the lawn and went inside to contemplate what had just transpired. Sometimes this diary is good for venting, I don't do a lot of it in the real world. I would not want anyone to see how I'm suffering. So, I guess it's a relief that I have you to write in. Is that weird, I called a diary "You."

6 May 1991: Part 2

Okay, so the day got worse as it went on. I should have gone next door to check on Ross. The reason I knew he was home was that when I went out to put my bike in the garage he had left the bike I had given him beside mine. Why didn't he knock when he got back? I know I didn't leave him in the best of positions but I was offended and embarrassed. I needed to get out of there. I didn't exactly show enthusiasm or thoughtfulness when I abounded him in town. After I came home I did nothing but just listen to R.E.M until the sun started to slowly set. I guess I still have time knock for Ross, but did I feel up to I questioned myself. Did he even want to be around a person like me, what if what Johnathan had said had taken a toll on Ross? Maybe he was second guessing about me, maybe I am a terrible friend. Maybe I should just go next and apologize for earlier to him. But what happens if he doesn't talk me, sigh. Okay, Adam, you have to get up and go next door. I wish it was easier than it had sounded, but the truth in the matter of fact, it wasn't. There was something different about Ross, well I mean since he arrived. I have been, changed or something. Normally I'm okay with my friend or when I see someone who sparks my interest, but I feel different since he arrived; I'm treading on a thin wire. I want to make an impression, a good one, that is lasting but not a ridiculous or bad impression that would scar me for the rest of my life.

I think I like him, this is so awkward. He is definitely straight, even if he isn't why would he even hold hands with someone like me. I guess I should just do the right thing a say sorry. Just to be there for him as a friend even. I know my mind has other thoughts, but I feel like this is the best thing to do at the moment. Maybe I should bring my new album with me so I can break the ice with him. Anyway later - Adam (Just breath… It's no big deal.)