Just Hit 'Send' - The College Years

by Grasshopper

Ch. 3

Summer came before the four friends blinked. Markie went home to Pensacola to have it out with her old high school boyfriend, Jerry stayed at the apartment to take 2 summer classes and Jordan drove Danny home to Daytona.

"Hello, Jordan."

"Mr. Trainor."

"What are you going to be doing this summer?"

"Catching up, sir. Mending fences if I can."

Mr. Trainor looked at their hands tightly laced together, the unshed tears in his son's eyes, the strain around Jordan's mouth. "The summer will go by and you'll be back at school before you know it. And Jordan? You're welcome here anytime."

Jordan helped Danny get his stuff out of the Blazer, carrying the heavy stuff and piling odds and ends in Danny's lap in the wheelchair. Together, they dumped it all in the middle of Dan's big bed.

"This is SO not the way I want it," Danny sighed, a little hitch in his voice.

"I know baby. Me either. It's just a couple more years and we can be who we want, where we want and then I'll never leave you, not like this." A soft kiss, a gentle hug and Jordan was gone. Danny sat huddled in his chair, watching until the taillights blinked out of sight.

"You okay, Dan?"

"UmHm," Danny mumbled, not wanting to talk right that minute.

"Jordan can't help the way his life is right now, son. You know that, don't you?"

"Sure, Dad. I know it but it still hurts."

"He will straighten it all out with his father. You'll see."

"I hope so, Daddy," Danny sighed, knowing there more things in Jordan's life than just his dad that needed straightening out...and some things just CAN'T be fixed. "I'll always love you," he whispered.

Griff was home from Gainesville and Easy hadn't changed at all. Life could have just gone back to "normal" if it hadn't been that Jordan knew what it was like now to be with Danny almost 24/7 and 10 weeks without him was not gonna make it.

"You okay, Jord?"

"Yeah."

"Can I help?"

"Not this time, Griff."

"You really with Dan now, huh?"

"Yeah. It's for always."

"Then what's wrong?"

"When does 'always' start?"

They spent more time on the computer and the phone than anything else.

"Next summer........I'm not coming home."

"Me either."

"Miss your blue plaid boxers?"

"The ones I sleep in?"

"Uh huh. I um...stole em."

"Perv."

"I can smell your skin."

"Dannyyyyyyy!!"

"I can taste you."

"Stop now before I die."

"You KNOW where I want you right now."

"sighhhh.....tell me."

"Inside me......filling me.......never stopping."

"God!"

Claire was so happy to have Jordan home but she knew it would never be quite the same. Her little boy was gone. She could feel the resentment in the air, in the tone of his voice, in the closed door and the veiled eyes. She hugged him every chance she got and she felt him lean into her.

"I love you."

"I know, Mama."

"How's Danny?"

"Lonely, just like me."

At the dinner table, Jordan's dad asked, "Got a girl yet, Jordan?"

"Huh?"

"All the phone calls...I figured a cute Tallahassee girl had caught your eye."

Jordan stopped himself just before he rolled those green eyes. "No, sir. Just some friends." God, he hated himself. Please, make the summer gone.

Griff and Jordan did manage to drive across the state 2 times to see Danny but what Jordan wanted he couldn't have with 6 other people on the beach and in the car. A quick hug, a kiss sneaked at the water fountain behind the palm trees and a scramble of braces, zippers and mouths in the handicapped stall at Wendy's.

"Shit, Dan."

"I know."

"I'm goin back early."

"I'll be ready."

Sophomore year, the four musketeers back in the apartment. Markie with new curtains and towels and the guys with well......themselves.

"Do you guys EVER fight?" Jerry asked one night as they all sat around pretending to study, bored to death. Markie stretched out on the floor, Jerry at the desk and Jordan on the sofa with Danny's feet in his lap.

"We never have," Danny smiled, his dreamy voice cutting in, purring cause Jordan was rubbing his toes just like he liked.

"It's like the Twilight Zone. I don't know anyone who doesn't fight with the person they love."

"And yeah," Markie grinned, "What about the make-up sex? That's supposed to be reeeeeeeeeally good."

"Lovey sex is just fine, thankyouverymuch," Jordan grinned. "I'm not gonna pick a fight with Dan just to see if the sex is better after." He felt Danny's feet begin to do that cat thing in his lap, kneading and rubbing, and his "lap" began to perk up. "Well, um.....I gotta.....Um, Dan? Wanna see the notes for the um....whatever quiz? They're in the bedroom."

"Oh God !.....GO!! Go in that room!!" Markie groaned. "C'mon, Jer. Let's go to the library. I can't stand all the noise."

Danny giggled. "I hate you so much, Jordy."

"Me 2 U. Let's go make-up."

"Why don't we ever fight?" Danny sighed, his face pressed against Jordan's shoulder.

"I don't know, baby. Maybe we've just seen too much hurt and more would make us break. I don't ever wanna fight with you."

"Me either. Jordy?"

"Mmm?"

"If you left me, I don't what I'd do."

"You'd be you. You're strong. Dan, I'm just always gonna be here to watch and make sure you don't get hurt. If you had to make it on your own, you definitely could, but I'm not leaving you. I could NEVER leave you, my beautiful blue-eyed boy."

"What if I left you?"

"I'd crumble and die. Are you gonna?"

"Nope."

"Then shut up, silly." Jordan rolled Danny over on his tummy, crawled between his legs and shut him up.

All through sophomore year, through the late nights of studying, the exams, the changes in the weather, Danny struggling with the braces and the chair in the wet and cold, the two boys were together. Jordan drove him to and from classes, waited for him, studying in the warm library and sometimes in the cold car. Jordan was always at Danny's elbow, to catch him if he fell.

Everyone who saw them knew they were together. They never showed affection in public, but it was still just there, shimmering. Aside from the occasional 'fag' whispered under someone's breath, no one seemed to care. Maybe it was the braces, maybe it was their manner.......whatever, Jordan and Danny felt safe.

Then Markie came home one afternoon, her face red, her breath fast and furious. "I hate people who hate people," she growled.

"What?"

"Oh, some jerk asked what it was like living with.......with fags. What's wrong with them anyway?" she sighed.

"And what did you say?" Jordan snapped, anger in his voice.

"I told her that you two were better than any guy she'd ever find. That you were loving and fun and sweet and gentle and smart and.....and..........," she gasped for breath.

"Whoa. Slow down, sweetie."

"AND.........that you were SOOOOO much better than anything her fat ugly cow face would ever trap. So there!!"

"God, Marks........." Danny started to giggle. Jordan punched him but when Jerry walked in a few minutes later, they were all three choking on giggles and snorting out more horrid things.

"What did I miss?"

Wiping her eyes, Markie answered, "Just defending my guys."

"Yeah," Jordan hooted, "From A Mad Cow Fag Attack."

"You declared your major yet?" Jordan knew this was sore subject.

Markie sighed. "I still want to get a degree in Modern American Lit but my daddy says I have to get an elementary education degree and teach school. It's why he sent me, so I guess I better just get the piece of paper."

"You could teach Lit, Marks."

"Haha. Yeah, sure. Remember high school? No one wants to learn anything."

"So, get your degree in Ed but make sure you get all the Lit classes they offer. Teach a year and then move on."

"Jordan, it's not that easy."

"I know sweetie. Believe me.......I know."

Jordan was already taking Ed classes. He wanted to be the best high school teacher anyone had ever seen. He wanted to make a difference. He wanted to be there for the kids.

"You won't make any money, Jordy."

"Nah, but I'll have Dan and we can be happy." 'Finally', he thought.

Markie bit her lip. Jordan had to have a flaw. If she could just find it, she'd be able to breathe again and get on with her life.

"What about Dan?"

"He's definitely going to work in physical therapy."

"How can he............?"

"Marks, he feels like he can inspire people to try. He can do all of the teaching of the therapy. He just can't walk."

"Jordan?" Markie asked softly. "Will he ever walk?"

"Who knows? The doctors say it's partially in his head. That the trauma created a block but it's been so long now that his legs just don't work anymore."

Markie saw the sadness in Jordan's eyes. She wished she could make it go away but only a certain blue-eyed boy had the power to wipe away the pain.

"Well, I'm gonna be the next Bill Gates and wallow in money," Jerry laughed.

"Yeah, and screw every poor soul who buys your stuff." Jordan dodged the pillow that flew across the room aimed at his head.

Life was good that second year. All four kids were growing, changing, maturing. They were gaining confidence and pushing toward their goals.

Jerry got himself a girlfriend named Melissa. She thought he hung the moon and he tried really hard to keep it that way. Markie felt strange without her little puppy dog following her around but she was happy that Jerry had found someone to love. She still hadn't found anyone to suit her, knowing the only one that would was taken. And Danny and Jordan...they just kept on keeping on.

The first time Jerry brought Melissa to the apartment was sort of a test. He loved her dearly but he hadn't told her about Jordan and Danny other than that they were his roommates. She had been really confused, and really jealous, about Markie until they had met and become friends. He wanted to see her reaction to his other two best friends.

"Hey guys. I want you to meet Melissa."

"Hi," Danny said shyly, his bright blue eyes smiling. He was sitting on the floor playing Blood Drayne on his Playstation, axing vamps as they ran toward the screen.

"Hiya," Jordan grinned, seeing Melissa's blonde hair and thinking "Markie".

He was working on a late paper on his laptop propped up on the sofa.

Both boys stopped what they were doing to meet Jerry's girl. Jordan closed down the computer and Danny turned off the game.

"Sit here, Melissa," Jordan patted the sofa.

"Call me Missy. All my friends do," she smiled, thinking "MY GOD!" Jerry talks about them all the time, but he never said they were both gorgeous. She saw Danny's sweet innocent smile, huge blue eyes and deep black curls; Jordan's muscular tanned legs, dimples and mop of golden hair.

"Missy then," Jordan laughed. He schooched over and slung his arm around her shoulders and squeezed.

"Missy?" Danny asked softly, "What's your major?"

"I'm going into PreMed. I want to be a pediatrician. I love kids," she answered, warming to her favorite subject.

"That's super," Danny smiled. "Kids are great, aren't they." Jordan looked down into Danny's face and saw a moment of sadness, gone in the blink of an eye. Kids. They'd never have any.

"Don't worry, Dan," he smiled. "We'll get a dog." He reached down and thumped Danny lightly on the head. Danny beamed up at him.

"Jer...Missy, I've gotta get Dan to his 4:00." Jordan stood up, walked over to put his laptop on the desk and pulled the chair and braces out from the hall closet. Reaching down, he swooped Danny up under the arms and dumped him on the sofa next to Missy, pushing his hair back off his forehead gently. "I'll be right back," he said as he went out the door with the chair.

Missy watched Danny struggle with the braces, shocked even though Jerry had told her that Danny couldn't walk well. Reaching her hand out instinctively to help him. Jerry gently tucked it back in her lap, shaking his head.

"It was great meeting you, Missy. Come over again soon and we'll tell you all about Jerry; all his weird stuff."

"Hehe, okay Danny. That's a deal," she laughed, grinning at Jerry, who was protesting way too much.

Jordan came back in the room, slung Danny's backpack over his shoulders and turned to Missy. "Good to meet you, Missy. Let's all go out Friday night and catch a movie. Okay?"

Missy, overwhelmed at even the thought of going somewhere with all 3 of these boys, could only nod her head.

"Jordy. I couldn't find my blue notebook."

"It's in the bedroom. You were studying your notes last night. Remember?"

"Oh yeah, okay." He turned toward the bedroom door.

"I'll get it, baby. Hold on."

'Baby?' Missy thought to herself. 'Did I just hear 'Baby?' Jerry caught the slip and watched her face.

"Here it is. Told ya. You so owe me one."

Danny grinned but didn't answer one what cause they had company.

"See ya, Jer. Missy, we'll see you soon, I hope?"

"Sure.....sure," she stammered. "See ya."

Jordan got the door and she could hear them laughing and fussing all the way down the hall.

"Missy?" Jerry knew she'd heard.

"Jerry? They.......Jordan and Danny.......they aren't.........?" a frown creasing her face.

"Would it make a difference?"

"But they're both so..........."

"So.....what?"

"So cute and sweet." She knew that sounded really stupid but she'd never met any um.........any gay people before. Her mind was doing flipflops.

Jerry thought for a minute. "So, if a boy likes another boy, they can't be cute or sweet? What would they be?"

"But....my daddy says.........," she trailed off.

"No Missy. What do YOU say? If you loved someone and people told you that you couldn't, you couldn't be cute or sweet anymore? You'd be somehow what? Evil or bad?" He was watching her eyes as she processed all this. Jerry loved her but he needed to know this about her. He was so protective of his 2 best friends and he didn't want to choose. He knew in his heart he couldn't love anyone who was too prejudiced to accept differences.

"Wow, Jerry. I never would have known until Jordan said that."

"You're in their home. I guess he either forgot to hide it or thought I'd already told you."

"They have to hide?"

"Think, Missy. What was your first reaction? How do you think all the other people out there react?"

Missy reorganized a lot of her misguided values in about 10 seconds. "I'm sorry I reacted badly. They didn't see me. I wish you hadn't. I was brought up that it was wrong. I believed that until I met them. The way Jordan helped Danny.....the way they laugh and obviously, well, wow.......love each other...........," She could see it plainly now, the touches, the caring.

"I wish other people could see it," Jerry sighed. "Jordy and Dan can't be who they want to be, who they are, and it hurts to watch sometimes."

"Well" Missy smiled, "We'll all go to the movies Friday and I'll have a date with the 3 best looking boys in Tallahassee."

Jerry laughed, pulled her close and knew he'd found a 'keeper'.

Summer rolled around again and Markie went home. "Guys, be good while I'm gone. Don't rent my room out? Jerry had to go home to Chattanooga to work for the summer and Clarissa left for Mobile. Danny stayed for Jordan. Jordan stayed because his life was with Danny.

"I'm staying at school this summer."

"Why, Jordan?" his mama asked, missing him so much but knowing already knowing the answer.

"Danny needs me here and it's where I belong."

"What will I tell your father?"

"I wish you could tell him that it's been three years and we're still together and that he needs to accept that we always will be....but just tell him that I have a summer job at the science lab, which is the truth."

"I love you, Jordan."

"I know, Mama. I wish it was easier. I really do."

"Stay safe and Jordan............hug Danny for me."

Claire hung up the phone, tears running down her face. Nothing was settled. Jordan had run away those years ago, but still nothing was settled. She missed Adam. She missed Jordan........one almost as lost as the other.

"Jordan's staying at school this summer."

"Why?"

"He has a summer job in the science lab."

"He can work here, can't he?"

"David!"

"Has he got a girl yet?"

Claire looked at her husband, love in her eyes but great sadness as well. "David......."

"What?"

"Nevermind."

"What do ya want for supper, Dan?"

"I don't know. You pick."

Jordan walked up behind Danny sitting in his chair and dropped a kiss on top of the tossled black curls. "What if I pick you?"

"Mmmmmm, K." Danny raised his arms and Jordan lifted him out and up, walking toward the bedroom. The bed dipped down as he laid Danny down and crawled over him.

"Jordy?"

"Mmm??" he asked as he began to gently run his fingers down Danny's chest.

"I need to ask you some stuff." Danny ducked his head down so that his words were muffled in Jordan's neck.

"Sure baby."

"Does..........does.....am I..........are you, Jordy.....?" He jumbled his words.

"This sounds serious," Jordan smiled, kissing Danny's ear.

"Don't joke."

"K.........no jokes." He pulled away a bit and looked into those wide blue eyes.

"Wait..........come back. You know I can't say stuff with you way over there."

Jordan laughed softly and slid back. He remembered the times when Danny could only talk to him if he talked into his mouth. Lips pressed softly, tongue kinda licking Danny's mouth open, Jordan whispered, "I'm right here." He could feel Danny's breath on his lips.

"Jordy. I'm only holding you back."

"Back from what, baby?" He could feel Danny's body begin to move and he slid his arms around and held on. "No you don't. Talk to me."

"I'll never be what you need. I try to be. I want to be. If I could walk, I could walk by your side and you could hold my hand and you'd be proud of me." Tears trickled down his face. Jordan caught one with his tongue.

"I....I watch the other people, all so happy and hugging and no one having to help them down stairs and through doors and even in the damn restroom.

I did this to myself. There's no reason you should pay for my stupid act."

"Whoa, Dan. Aren't you happy? What can I do to make it better?"

"No No. That's not it. You know that's not it, Jordy. I want so much to be able to love you right. You have to pick me up and put me places like some ridiculous sack of flour. You can't love that."

"I do love that. I love YOU so why would that matter?"

"Because..........because I'm a cripple!!!" Danny's eyes squeezed shut and his body heaved great sobs. There, he'd said it. All this time and he finally said it.

Jordan rocked back. Jesus! Where had that come from? "Dan? Look at me.

C'mon....look at me." He took hold of Danny's chin and turned his face up.

"Do you love me?"

"Yes," his voice wavered.

"Well, I love you too. Nothin will ever change that. If I got in a car accident tomorrow and I was.............was.........what? Blind!! Would you stop loving me?"

"Nooo."

"Well, that's how dumb this is. Give me some credit here. You've been um..... how shall we put it? Walking Challenged ever since I've known you. Why now?"

"Cause I see other couples, dancing and running, riding bikes and walking together......we'll never do that. You'll always be stuck with me."

Jordan took a deep breath. "Ooooooookay, one huge PityParty coming up. I'll buy the balloons and you can get well.......the big bowls of pity."

"Jordan!!" Danny tried to pull away.

"Sorry baby, but don't go all drama princess on me here. I want you. I think you are the sexiest, most beautiful boy in the world. I don't want anyone else, not ever. Anyone else would be second best. What can I do to make you feel better?" His fingers began to wander, trailing down........"Let me see if I can find your "Go" button."

"My.....my go button?" Danny sniffed.

"Yeah. The 'Go' button that tells me you want me."

"You already know I do," he sniffled again.

"Dan," Jordan reached over and grabbed some Kleenex. "Blow," he held the tissues up to Danny's nose. "I'm not messing with a snot-nosed little kid here." He looked in Danny's watery eyes and felt the pain but had no idea how to make it go away.

"Jordy?"

"MmHm?"

"My...my 'Go' button is kinda somewhere down around your Property sign.

At the intersection of Please and Right Now !!"

Jordan's smile broke free. "Well, let's see if I can find it." His little car noises cracked them both up......until Jordan pressed that 'Go' button. J