Nevermore!

by and © Henry Higgins

Chapter 15 - Facing More Facts

I stumbled back into the kitchen, where the boys were finishing the last of their pizza and Coke. Kenny looked at me intently. I sat down to finish what was left of my last piece, aware of his steady gaze.

"So..." I said. "Do you guys want anything else to eat?"

Rusty looked at Kenny. Kenny looked at me.

"What?" he said.

"I said, do you want anything more to eat," I answered.

Kenny responded, "No... not that. What happened?"

My face grew warm. With a mouthful of pizza, I tried to dodge his question. "Whadda ya mean, 'Wha' happened?"

"C'mon, Jim. You're different. You walked back in here like you're drunk and your face is all red. What happened? Are you okay? Did you and Rog have a fight or something?"

I swallowed my pizza and sipped the last of my Coke. "I... uhm... ahh... Roger kissed me." I stared at the table, fighting the urge to cry and laugh at the same time. Why couldn't I handle my emotions any better than this - a grown man for Pete's sake! I couldn't hold it back. My tears rolled and I sobbed. Kenny reached his hand over to cover mine.

"So?" Kenny probed. "What's that mean, Jim?"

I sighed. "Rog and I have known each other since we were in junior high school - a little younger than you guys are."

"Junior high school?" queried Rusty.

"It's what they used to call seventh and eighth grade before they got Middle School, " Kenny said.

"Oh."

The boys regarded me seriously as I continued. "Roger and I met when we got to seventh grade. We were in the same homeroom and took to each other immediately. Rog turned me on so bad! Just about every time I'd see him, I'd bone up - big time! I jerked off to him so much I worried about rubbing my dick off.

"Being in the same homeroom, we had lots of other classes together - including gym. I had to work like mad to avoid being in the showers at the same time he was. Otherwise, I'd have been permanently boned. Only much later, when Roger and I ran into each other after college, did I find out that he'd felt the same way about me. But by then, he had Peter, and I had Butch, and we kind of figured we'd just have to get past all that. He's been a wonderful friend. But just now... in the hallway... as he was leaving... I learned that our feeling is just as strong for each other as it always was." The tears rolled down my cheek as I tried to stifle the sobs.

"But what about Pete, or Butch, or whoever those guys are?" Rusty wondered.

"Yeah," said Kenny. "Who is this Butch guy, anyway?"

"Rog and Pete still live together," I replied. "Butch lived with me for a while. What we had was good. But after a while, he changed and I didn't, so things didn't work out."

"You mean you still liked kids and he didn't anymore?" Kenny posed.

His gaze still bore through me. By then, I might have thought that Kenny's insights wouldn't have startled me so much, but they still did.

"Yeah," I said, feeling startled and growing red again. "That was part of it. Another part of it was that he started wanting to go out to bars and shows and to meet new people. I was happier staying home with him. I think that was the major thing that split us up."

Kenny's expression seemed to soften a little. "So you're not gonna dump us if you fall in love with some guy?" Then his expression darkened again. "Oh, no! What about Rog? You guys still love each other! What about Rusty and me if you guys decide to get married or something?"

"Kenny, I've got plenty of love to go around for all of us; besides, as I've said, I'm finding that my love for you guys goes way beyond being sex partners. I mean... you guys are like the sons I thought I'd never have... the little brothers that I used to long for when I was younger. If I ever fall in love with another guy, he's gonna have to fall in love with you guys, too. Otherwise, it just never could work out." The tears continued unabated. "And honestly," I said through a tight throat, "I could never do anything to break up what Roger and Pete have, no matter how much Roger and I might love each other."

Kenny still studied me intently and I hoped I saw the beginnings of a realization - that he and Rusty were secure with me - that they could depend on the relationship we were building - that he and Rusty weren't just another pair of lovers for me. As I thought about it, I too was becoming more and more aware of the strength of that relationship.

"Um, Jim..." Kenny said, "Could loving us like sons or brothers include teaching us to have sex together like what Rog was talking about?"

Rusty brightened. "Yeah! Like, you wouldn't hafta touch us or anything, but you could, like, tell us what to do."

"Hey, yeah!" Kenny warmed to the idea. "And, like Rog said, if you wanted t' jack off by yourself while you were watching us, well that would be okay, wouldn't it Rusty?"

"Oh, yeah, that would be th' coolest! Like, we could put on a little show."

My adrenalin surged at that thought. Could this be a way for us to share at least something sexual among us? But then, the alarms kicked in. Could I really control myself? I wanted these boys sexually so bad! But even more, I wanted to do right by them and give them what none of us had ever had. And then, how fair would it be to them to develop a sexual love that could interfere with their finding their own lovers in this world. I knew that I couldn't expect them to cling to me till I died and left them screwed up for the rest of their lives. More than that, how fair would it be to me to fall in love sexually with someone who would be leaving me in a few short years? It all got too much for me to ponder any more that night. "I'll have to give that one some thought, boys. But I'd say it certainly could have possibilities."

The boys shared an intimate glance. Looking at my watch, I saw ten o'clock approaching.

"Guys, it's been quite a full day, wouldn't you say?" Two heads nodded their agreement. "I think we all need to go to bed and get some rest."

"Jim?" Kenny asked quietly. "Rusty needs to be with me tonight; but... he needs to be with you, too. We both do. Could we... like... all sleep together? I promise - no funny stuff."

The thrill ran through me again - not to my dick, but this time to my heart. "Y-yeah," was all I could muster. Damn tears!

There were no whoops of joy, or even gloating over winning a mini-victory. Instead, both boys smiled calmly and turned, arm over the other's shoulder, to walk down the hall to their bedroom. I locked the front door, turned out the lights in the front of the house, and then followed them down the hall.

As I got to my room, I looked across the hall to see the boys whispering earnestly to each other as they undressed. I let it go. I'd probably learn about it soon enough. I faced my closet to hang up my clothes as I took them off, so was somewhat startled to hear, "Jim?" from Kenny, who had padded in on silent, bare feet. I turned around to see Kenny and Rusty, both naked, standing just inside the room - still holding each other. Kenny was flaccid and Rusty was erect. Every now and then he'd touch himself lightly; but otherwise, he was totally absorbed in what was happening.

"Yes, boys?"

"Well, um... me'n Rusty worry when we see you cry so much. I mean... It's like we don't want to make you so sad all the time. We don't really want to make you sad at all."

I said, "Why don't we get our bathroom stuff done and then we can talk about that." Okay, it was lame, but it would buy me a little time to think about it. I didn't even know myself why the tears were there so much.

"Okay," came at me in unison and we all made our way to the bathroom. Soon, bladders were emptied and teeth brushed, all very perfunctorily. Kenny attended to changing Rusty's wound dressings as I turned on the nightlight and we made our way back to my bed. I got under the covers in the center, while the guys sat facing me on top of the blue and yellow tulip quilt that I used as a bedspread.

"A lot of the time, guys, I don't know myself why the tears are there - like just now. I think a lot of it has to do with what I did to David and the fact that I don't know what ever happened to him. I loved him so much!" I sobbed. "I still do. I'm so very frightened that the same kinds of horrible things could happen to the three of us and I don't think I could take that again. You guys are so wonderful; I really, really want this to work out. I know Roger's concerned about it, too. I've come so far, and both he and I really need me to stay clear of any more entanglements with the law.

"So, it's like it's all mixed up in my head, and I only barely understand it. Part of it is that I don't want to lose you guys. I definitely don't want to go back to jail. And, I'm terribly afraid of what would happen to you guys if I should have to. Another part of it is that I want to have sex with each of you and with both of you so bad! And it's worse for me to know that you guys want that, too. And yet what Rog and I have said about it has to go for now - no sex until you guys are eighteen. Then, if we all want it, it's okay.

"The thing is that I get all mixed up with this stuff and a lot of the time I wind up crying out of the frustration of it. Another thing is that I am growing so deeply in love with the two of you - as sons or brothers or whatever - that the depth of that feeling makes me cry. And yes, I still love Roger very much! Some of the tears are for the regrets over what we might have had if we could have found more courage."

Each of the boys got under the quilt on either side of me and soon I was enveloped in hugs, with their bodies pressing into me.

"Jim," said Kenny, "Rusty and I... neither one of us has ever had a dad... I mean, like a real dad that would love and care for us. You're the closest thing to that we've ever had." I could see tears making their way down his cheeks as I heard a sniffle from my other side.

"Yeah, Jim," said Rusty. "Since I've been with you and Kenny, I feel all giggly and happy, like all those dorphins runnin' around in me."

Kenny and I said in unison, "ENdorphins."

"Yeah," Rusty grinned. "Those things, whatever ya call 'em. Anyway, I can't think of when I've ever been so happy."

"Yeah," Kenny said. "Me, too!"

"Well, I guess that makes three of us," I said. "And people can cry because they're happy, too."

"Hey, yeah! You're right," said Kenny. "All I know is that it feels so good to be here in bed next to you and all warm and cuddly. I haven't felt this way since before my mom died."

I could say nothing more. I could only hug each boy to me as tightly as possible and lie back in heaven. Each body pressed against me and I thought I could detect some tumescence on either side. But, nobody said anything about it, so I ignored it, too. And so it was that we all drifted off to sleep about the same time, wrapped in a tight man-hug.

I remember waking sometime during the night as Rusty turned from his back onto his side to face me, with his left arm grazing my lower belly. I had been sleeping on my side facing him, with my right arm draped loosely over his chest. He didn't grasp my penis, but his hand lay just next to it so that I could feel his body heat through my dick. My organ started to swell. The more I erected, the closer my penis got to Rusty's hand, eventually touching it. I could feel my pulse in the connection between us. I couldn't remember when I had been so hard. Every nerve in my penis tingled as I lay there, not daring to move. Still, Rusty did not grasp my penis.

I reveled in the strong vibrations that passed between us. It was as though I could feel the boy's heart, his love, his life force - all of this through my penis. My right hand drifted lower to Rusty's nether region until it rested near his erect penis. About that time, Kenny, on my other side, turned over to face my back, spoon fashion. His tumescence pushed up along the cleavage of my buttocks, aimed directly at my anus, and seeming to complete some kind of connection. Waves of bliss would pulse from Rusty through my penis into my pelvis and on out through my anus into Kenny's probing hard-on. Then they would come back into my anus, move through my pelvis and out through my penis. I lay there astounded at this cycle. Never had I felt such bliss, such... exquisite love.

Did I doze? Dream? Or, was I lifted to some higher level of consciousness? The room was totally dark, yet there seemed to be light all around, almost as if the three of us were glowing. Our hearts were completely open to one another and to another presence that was both in us and around us. It was with us, yet I couldn't see anything. It was more like I knew that something was there. And from that something came a most exquisite sense of peace and well-being. My eyes swelled with tears of joy.

The pulsing intensified. I could feel my whole body grow more rigid. Through the genital contact, I could detect a similar intensification in each boy. There was no movement, only the intense pulsing. Yet, the feeling was ten, no, a hundred times sweeter than that of my first orgasm. The intensity would mount, plateau, and then mount again, each plateau lasting longer than the previous one. Finally, the sweet agony was at such a pitch that it seemed as though we'd been there forever. And then suddenly, the ecstasy of release was upon all three of us. I soared with the feeling as it peaked and then resolved into the cathartic throbbing of ejaculation. My juice surged up and gushed out through my penis onto Rusty's hand. I felt a similar throbbing against my anus followed by a warm wetness running down my left bun and thigh. Likewise, my right hand that draped near Rusty's penis was bathed in a warm cream.

We all huffed and panted as we came down from what had been a very real, mutual orgasm. I don't think either boy ever awoke during all of this and I soon drifted back into a deep, most peaceful sleep.

When I awoke the next morning, light was poking through the blinds and I had the distinct feeling of being watched. In fact, my two yearlings were watching me as they perched arm-in-arm at the foot of the bed, peering intently at me and waiting patiently for me to wake up.

"Sheesh," said Kenny. "We thought you'd never wake up! You always snore like that?"

"Like what," I mumbled, trying to push back curtains of sleep.

"Like a train goin' through th' house!" offered Rusty, grinning widely.

"I guess, if you say so," I said. "I'm never awake to hear it."

They shared one of those intimate looks with one another before breaking out in unison, "Oh, good one, Jim. Keep that up and you'll get onto Comedy Central!"

"I've gotta pee," I announced.

"We do, too," Kenny said, as they followed me into the bathroom.

"Did you guys ever pee together and make an X?" I asked.

"Noo..."

"Well, let's try it. With three of us, we can make an asterisk," I said.

"A what?" Rusty asked.

"An asterisk," said Kenny, "You know, like a splat."

"Oh," said Rusty, as if he understood, though it was obvious that he did not.

I stood in front of the commode, with a boy on either side so that we could all pee into the pot at once.

"Hey," said Rusty. "Just like an aspargus."

Kenny and I just looked at each other, raised our eyebrows, and shrugged.

Usually, urination took care of the remains of any morning tumescence I might have had. But this morning, none of us had any swelling at all. That struck me as curious. Sure... there were mornings when I didn't have an erection. But I doubted that my two young charges got to any morning at all without at least some wood. And then I remembered the dream. Or was it a dream? I felt so sated. I still felt a strong sense of calm relief that carried with it none of the edge of horniness that even I at my age still felt.

We each got to the end of our load and then clenched to squirt out the last of our morning urine. Rusty shivered as I reached behind him to get some toilet paper to wipe my leaky slit. Each boy studied my actions.

"What's that for," Kenny asked.

"Well, when you guys get to be as old as I am, you'll get to experience the joys of mopping up after a leaky dick. It's a lot better than putting it back in your pants and then having it leak through."

"Yeah... pocket change!" grinned Kenny.

"Huh?" said Rusty.

"You know... Spots on your pants that show you've been to the bathroom," said Kenny.

"Oh. Whatever..." answered the little redhead.

I chuckled to myself. Yes, these two were definitely good for one another. Kenny was a marvelous mentor for Rusty and the younger boy gave Kenny someone to nurture.

"Look at this!" said Rusty. "What's all this crusty stuff on me?" He felt down around his genitals and I could see where some of my semen must have dried in his pubes.

"Yeah," said Kenny. "There's some on me, too - right in my pubes. Jim, you didn't shoot on us last night, did ya?"

"Yeah," I chortled, "Like I could shoot so much it would go on both sides of me!"

There was a pause as the boys took in what I said, translated it to a visual concept, and then were smitten with the dawning realization of the improbability of me spraying all over myself and them. They giggled.

"Well, it could happen," Rusty whined.

"Yeah, and pigs could fly," I said. "However, I did have a strange experience last night. I woke up during the night and we were all close together, just like when we went to sleep. But I was on my side, facing Rusty. And Kenny, you scooted up close behind me. I could feel your hard-on poke between my buns, right at my hole. And Rusty, you must have just shifted, because I felt your hand near my penis. Like, it wasn't touching it; it was just nearby - and I could feel the warmth of your body through my penis. I started to get stiff and it grew until it touched your hand. And then I felt this pulsing vibration - very strange. It was like it would start in you, Rusty, pass through me into Kenny, and then come back again. As it cycled back and forth, it got stronger - just like when you jack off. Then we all tensed at the same time and shot off.

"I could feel you come between my buns, Kenny. And Rusty, I felt you shoot into my hand. I've never felt any stronger or more satisfying orgasm - not even my first time. I guess some of my come shot over onto your belly, Rusty. It seemed that all three of us were glowing. And then I felt something else in the room. It made me feel so peaceful and content. And it was like the three of us... like our hearts were all one - like I'm part of you and you're both part of me."

Kenny looked at Rusty and the younger boy nodded yes. Then he said, "Uh, Jim... we were, like, gonna tell you this, but we couldn't figure out a good time to do it. I guess now's th' time."