Singer Without a Song

By Chris James

Chapter Eight

The image that continued to stick in Alan's mind was that of the monk, but not one of the Tibetans who had been so kind to him when they had visited the temple. No, rather it was an older monk, his orange robes engulfed in flames as he burned himself in protest over the terror inflicted by the harsh Diem regime in Vietnam.

He kept getting flashbacks to that grainy image they had shown on the television news. The old man's posture had been so straight and rigid as the flames took his life. My God, to burn yourself like that. How could anyone do that?

Alan knew in Buddhist belief that the body was nothing, the mind and heart everything. In this act of self sacrifice the monk had achieved his destiny. The world had been taught a valuable lesson, but at what a cost? John must have seen the pictures but Alan didn't want to be the one to bring it up, it was unspeakable.

A firm hand slid across his back and sought his waist, the grip tightened. Alan tensed as the fingers pressed against his stomach and then the whistle blew. He felt his right arm being pushed under his body and the pressure of Steve Chung's head pushing into his ribs. He tried to swivel his knees and cross his body with his opponent's like he'd been taught.

"Sit out, sit out," He heard the coach yell and Alan tried for the move. His timing was bad and Steve flipped him over on his back, the pin was inevitable. Damn, he just couldn't do anything right today. Steve slapped him on the back as they walked off the mat.

"Better get your mind back on business," Steve said, "Save the daydreaming for later when you have your dick in hand."

Alan liked Steve, but like most other boys on the team everything equated to sex. Alan wondered what he would say if told about the monk. Steve was Asian, maybe he would understand.

John was sitting on the bleachers and he shook his head sadly as Alan walked over and plopped down.

"You're never gonna make enough points to get in a tourney at this rate, old chum. Steve pushed you over like a rotten log, what happened?" He asked.

"I forgot to react in time, that's all," Alan said.

"Are you sure?" John looked around but no one was sitting close enough to hear. "Sure you weren't mooning about last weekend again?"

"I told you that isn't a problem, there will be other times. I have faith in you, John. Besides, I think you're worth waiting for, unless you have someone else in mind?" Alan grinned.

"Oh you're funny," John said, but he smiled too.

"The Chung man thinks I'm into self abuse," Alan said.

"He's right; you hang with me don't you?" John laughed.

"You want me to tell him that? He probably thinks I'm dreaming about Marcy Williams."

"Aren't all the guys after her?" John asked.

"I'm not, are you interested?" Alan asked.

"Physically speaking, she is an amazing specimen of the mature female species. But don't you worry. Dating her would be just another form of self abuse."

"I have no fears where you're concerned, except that maybe I won't get to hold you again until my next reincarnation," Alan said.

"Oh, I dunno, I think your karma is better than that. What do you say we do something special this weekend," John said.

Alan grinned and raised his eyebrows. John just shook his head.

"Seriously, I want to talk about the New York thing. I was hoping we might be alone long enough to complete a thought without interruption," John said.

"And..." Alan said

"Well, you pick the place," He suggested.

"Are you sure, I might try and shock you," Alan said.

"Hey, go for it. I love your crazy ideas, surprise me."

"Ok, I will."

Alan went to see Louie at the animal hospital after dropping John off at home to study for a test in trig. With Louie he had to ask permission first, that was the deal.

"Hey, Alan. Where you been kiddo?" Louie asked.

"I'm learning to be Buddhist," Alan said.

"So when do I get to meet the sexy monk in your life," He asked.

"Oh don't even suggest that, Buddhist monks don't have sex at all."

"Ouch, I'm sorry. Have things changed since last weekend?"

"No. But that's what I wanted to ask you, can I bring him over to your house this weekend, please," Alan said.

"Oh dear, the Fall Ball is at Ta Ta's this weekend, don't you remember? Sure you do and... oh, you devious boy," Louis said. "You think John will find it amusing?"

"Or run for the hills. I don't know, Louie, I haven't told him that much about the drag scene."

"This will be one hell of an intro. But honey, you aren't a real queen anyway so why worry? If he's as observant as you say he is then he might find us girls a big hoot. I'll even give you the Blue Room for the weekend."

"Ok, I appreciate that. He doesn't drink, you know that."

"Good, all the more for me," Louie said, "Does he party at all?"

"Not much, it all depends on his mood," Alan said.

"That seems to apply to everything about him," Louie said. "All right that's settled, be a dear, the dogs made a mess back there, would you...please?"

"Anything for you, Louie."

"Oh, don't say that my dear, you aren't old enough," He laughed. Alan went towards the back, shovel in hand.

So how could he broach this subject with John? Maybe he should just come out with it. Oh John, want to go watch a bunch of drag queens, you know, like ladies in waiting or waiting to be ladies? Ta Ta was sure to give quite a show and do her best to impress John.

Louie had been right about one thing. Miss Ta Ta had turned out to be a dear man after all. The past few months she had been at Louie's house several times for dinner and Alan got the impression that she was trying to find out if there was anything going on between them.

Her snooping around had led to some frank discussions about the gay world and the people in it. William Devine, Bill to his friends, was a scholar of some repute. Away from the drag scene, he could charm his audience like no other.

Coming from a wealthy New York family, Bill had attended Princeton and then Yale. Intending at first to be a lawyer, he instead chose a career on the stage as an actor. His speaking voice was rich and mellow from the occasional cigar he smoked and the fact that his diaphragm was buried under several hundred pounds of excess body fat.

He began to speak with Alan as if they were equals in this world. He expected the boy to ask if he didn't understand something that was being discussed. He once said, 'With your looks dear, you would be a sensation upon the stage...so don't go there.' All of life is a stage, he had explained, why waste your talents for a few measly dollars a week.

Bill had finally left the theatre to pursue a literary career and had hit the big time. His romance novels were read by every housewife and gay man in the world. His cultural tomes on art and society were treasures on many library shelves. Louie obviously revered the man and it didn't take long for Alan to realize why.

Bill was the mentor Louie had met when he was just a boy. And now he was repeating this act of kindness by allowing Alan into his world. But even though Alan sometimes worried that Bill had other motives for his kindness nothing ever happened.

Louie had come from a poor family and when he came under Bill's wing his life changed dramatically. Throughout Louie's high school years, and in the time it took to work his way through veterinary school, Bill had never wavered in his support. For that reason Louie loved the big lug. To Alan's surprise Louie told him that Bill had never even invited him into bed.

"He thought it would be like incest," Louie said. "Although I was willing, Bill would rather think of me as the son he never had. Isn't that sweet?"

Alan wanted to talk about the weekend plans as they met for breakfast on Friday but John beat him to the punch.

"So, Alan, what do you want for Christmas?"

"Do Buddhists celebrate Christmas?" Alan asked.

"No, of course not, but you're Christian, right?"

"My folks are. I think Christmas is for little kids, you know, all the presents and stuff."

"Don't you guys go to church? It's a religious holiday, man," John said.

"I used to, but they don't like homos so I quit," Alan said.

"Their loss, I'm sure. What were you planning for Spring break?"

"Oh, is this the beginning of a trip to New York speech?"

"I wasn't trying to be duplicitous, it's just hard to start a conversation with you sometimes," John said. The pained look said a lot more.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be difficult. Are you going to New York at Spring break?"

"Yes, I wrote the monastery and they invited us both, if you want to come along," John said.

"Really? But would you like to have me there? Won't I be a distraction to your meditation?" Alan asked.

"You already are but I'm learning to use it. Look, it would be nice to have a friend along, and I mean you. For once I know what you're thinking. I'm not planning to become a monk, ok? Besides, they don't do much in the way of heat in some of these places, I might need someone to keep me warm up in the mountains."

"I'm your man then, when do we leave?"

"Hold on, Romeo, you'll have to get your parents permission to go in writing. Even Buddhists have insurance companies that make the rules. I was thinking about the 20th of March, it may still be snowy in the mountains, just think of breathing all that fresh clean air."

"I'm thinking about freezing already," Alan said. "And speaking of changing the subject. How would you feel about going to a very special party this weekend? I can guarantee it will be like nothing you've ever seen."

"Ahh, I was wondering what little trick you had up your sleeve. Knowing you this will be a humdinger, am I right?"

"Oh, you don't know the half of it," Alan laughed.

"Uh oh, I'll just tell my parents I'm staying with you this weekend, my dad likes you," John said.

They drove by John's house after school and he packed a bag, Alan had asked him to bring a sport coat and tie. He raised an eyebrow but complied. Alan intended for the two of them to be as manly as possible amidst all the queens on Saturday night, he was still worried how John might react. He had packed about the same kind of clothes that morning, now they were ready for Louie's.

Alan had spoken about Louie for weeks, but that had been in context of how he had been saved from the depravity of a dirty bookstore. Now Alan figured John was ready to meet the other man in his life, he hoped they would click.

Louie was having cocktails on the verandah, in a parka and combat boots. He was really out there in the yard to fill his bird feeders, but it was the cocktail hour too. Washington weather was so notoriously fickle they all might be in shorts the following week. Louie stopped what he was doing and put on a big smile, especially when he saw John.

Alan had to hand it to the boy, John hugged Louie and they kissed on each cheek like they were old friends. Gotta love the both of them, he thought, and he really did. There followed a conversation on the correct feeding of the various species of ornithological beings that inhabited the area. Alan was lost at the starting gate on that score so he took the bags up to their room.

Sweet, lovable Louie had already turned down the bed and a spray of red roses lay across the pillows, their fragrance filling the room. Alan filled a vase down in the kitchen and was heading back up the stairs when John intercepted him.

"What a wonderful man," He said.

"Yes, he's so sweet, come look what he did for us," Alan replied.

The smell of roses met them at the door and John smiled.

"He said you were the most lovable creature he'd ever met, I think he's sweet on you," John said.

Alan put the flowers in the vase on the bureau and turned to find John stretched out on the bed.

"Are you comfortable?" He asked.

"Oh, yeah... but something is missing, oh yes... you."

Alan pounced on him and they rolled across the king-sized mattress. Then they lay beside each other and stared at the ceiling. Slowly the smell of baked fish floated up the stairs followed by a Mozart cello piece.

"He plays cello?" John asked.

"Like a fury," Alan said, "Wait until after dinner, he'll give us a concert if you ask."

"I'd like that, you have neat friends."

"Oh, you haven't met everyone just yet, wait until tomorrow."

"Ah, yes, the surprise?" John asked.

"No, you might get that tonight," Alan laughed.

"Are you referring to us sleeping in the same bed?"

"No. Be assured I have no evil intentions towards your body, we're just going to sleep."

"I'm sorry," John said. "I know this is difficult for you."

"Why do you say that? I love just being here with you."

"It's just, well, you know. I don't want to be a source of frustration."

"I deserve to be frustrated," Alan replied and he smiled. He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at John's face. "But you're a source of great joy in my life too. We both have our doubts and fears about this relationship changing, don't we?"

John nodded his head in reply.

"I believe when the time is right we'll both know it. The sense of mystery and excitement I feel right now is simply wonderful and I'm enjoying the ride. You know I'll wait for you, John. The decision will always be yours."

"Just so you understand that your patience is appreciated. I don't suppose I'd be a very good Buddhist if all I did was look for the down side while you showed me nothing but compassion and love."

"But you are a good Buddhist and maybe that's what attracts me," Alan said.

"Then you should know that I spend more time thinking about us than any other subject while I meditate."

Alan smiled, "Thanks for telling me, it helps."

The grilled swordfish with basil and lemon was out of this world, and the boys stuffed themselves. Louie sat smiling at their obvious appreciation of his chef's talents. Things got going so well Louie forgot and offered John a brandy after dinner, amazingly he accepted.

"Wow, this stuff is strong," John gasped...his throat on fire.

"A small sip goes a long way," Alan cautioned.

"Louie, did I hear you play cello?" John asked.

"That wasn't the bagpipes, honey. Want me to play a few bars for you gentlemen?"

"Oh, please," John said. He was saying all the right things tonight.

The living room at Louie's was the size of a tennis court with a glass wall surrounding a fireplace that looked out towards the woods behind the house. Alan had seen deer stealing the leaves off the bushes the week before, he loved this peaceful place.

The room smelled of expensive cigars, Louie's biggest vice. I'm drinking brandy, John thought, am I trying to get wiped out? No, maybe this was just relaxing, that felt just about right.

John curled up in the huge pile of pillows Louie called a couch and they sat watching the fire crackling in the massive pile of stones he called a fireplace. This place was too big for just one man, friends helped fill Louie's life and like a true gentleman he was grateful for the opportunity to share it.

Louie began with another Mozart piece and Alan listened to the swell of the instrument as the sound filled the great room. John squirmed around until Alan found himself leaning back with his head in John's lap. Tender fingers played with his hair, John had always said it was one of his best features. The Mozart gave way to a Vivaldi piece and then on to Bach before Louie yielded the floor. He received a standing ovation when he was done.

"Thank you gentlemen," Louie said. "But the orchestra is quite tired from a long day of castrating collies and kittens so I need my beauty sleep for tomorrow night's event. I bid you both adieu until breakfast at noon. Stay up as late as your youthful bodies and good looks desire. I'll see you in the morning."

They kissed and hugged and then Alan was finally alone with John, they both yawned.

"Maybe we should retire," Alan suggested.

"Yeah, I'm a little tired and I know you want to hop into bed with me anyway," John chuckled.

"It's my constant dream," Alan said.

They marched up the stairs and John looked puzzled.

"Where does Louie sleep?" He asked.

"Louie sleeps in the Pink Room, down the hall and about two miles around the corner," Alan said.

"Yeah, this place is huge," John agreed.

"But you haven't even seen a real mansion yet, have you?"

Alan shut the door behind them and began to undress while John went into the bathroom. He was under the covers when John came out the bathroom door clad only in his boxer shorts and slid in on the other side of the bed.

"John, are we where I think we are?"

"Yes, Alan, you got your wish. We're finally in bed together."

"Is it all right with you?"

"This must be what a first date feels like," John said, and then he giggled. "You're thinking, aren't you?"

"The moment seems familiar but it can't be," Alan said.

"Can I have a kiss goodnight?" John replied in the darkness.

They rolled together and their lips met for a few moments. Alan immediately became embarrassed as his stiffness pushed against John's stomach and he realized that the boy wasn't erect at all.

"I'm sorry," Alan said.

"Don't be, that was nice," John replied.

"I didn't mean to touch you like that."

"And I don't have an erection, that's true. But it's not your fault, I love being here with you. I guess a long time ago I learned to control myself. When you're as big as I am it becomes a necessity. Meditation allows me to control it. But it has nothing to do with my feelings for you, Alan."

John leaned over and they kissed again. "I've never really had sex before, you know that. I'm not rejecting you, Alan, I would never do that. I just need some time to understand it all. I have to learn to accept that a beautiful young guy cares about me and why my heart tells me to return those feelings. I do love you, Alan. What we share has become more than just a friendship. I love you."

Alan snuggled his face into the hollow of John's shoulder and kissed his neck.

"I would never ask you to do anything until you're ready," He said. "But just knowing we love each other gives me joy and a wonderful sense of peace."

"I don't plan to be celibate my whole life. I am human after all," John giggled.

"You feel very human to me right now," Alan said.

They fell asleep in each other's arms, snuggled under the warmth of the blankets and secure in the love that had finally been declared.

Morning came and Alan woke as he felt John slip out from under the covers and head for the bathroom. He felt the loss of warmth but John finally came back and they snuggled close.

"Hi, you awake too?" John asked.

"Yeah, but wish I wasn't, thank you for last night," Alan replied.

"Did I have a good time? You were so gentle, I didn't feel a thing."

That started the pillow fight and soon they were both laughing so hard the fight ended with a hug.

"Do you shower in the morning?" Alan asked.

"Yeah, but how about we take a bath instead. Did you see the size of the tub in there? You could do laps."

They got out of bed and John led him into the bathroom where they filled the tub. What Alan thought might become a shared bubble bath instead became a spiritual cleansing. How very much like John.

Allowed to play out the whole thing, John could do rituals so very well. There was sandalwood incense and warm sweet oil produced from his backpack, Alan truly felt his spirit go through the wash cycle and rinse itself clean.

It was ten o'clock in the morning, thirty-six degrees and sunny when it was all done. They sat on the deck outside the patio doors from the bedroom. Alan thought they might freeze but he felt almost nothing of the cold. John had placed himself just so and then asked Alan to sit in front facing him.

They were going to meditate but Alan had doubts he could concentrate as they were both still naked from the bath. John spoke calmly, suggesting the moment was right for this purpose. Alan felt his mind drifting as they began the mantra.

Om Mani Padme Ohm, the one he knew so well by now. Alan could feel the cold air moving around him and yet it soon began to fade, his skin felt warm. The sun beamed down on them and he felt like his body was floating

A bright light seemed to descend about him and through the glare he saw Tommy's sweet face appear. The boy was smiling. He hadn't been thinking about Tommy but there he was. He heard the boy's laughter echoing around him. And although it had once been so familiar, it was difficult to remember the texture of his soft skin, the upturn of his nose, the curve of his brow.

There was no sadness in his mind, only joy. Tommy was fading and yet it seemed like he wanted to go, to mingle with the earth and the elements, to finally be at peace. Alan relaxed his thoughts and the boy was gone, the only sound a soft hissing, as if waves were lapping at the shore of a great ocean and the grains of sand were rubbing against one another.

He heard birds calling and slowly his mind realized just where he was. The birds were chattering at the feeders in Louie's back yard and there in front of him sat the only boy he truly loved.

John sensed the change in their meditation and he became silent.

"Did you hypnotize me?" Alan asked.

"No, I can't do that. Meditation just focuses your energy," John said. "But what happened? I felt something change."

"It was so extreme. I saw Tommy's face and a bright light."

"You had a vision."

"I saw Tommy laughing, he was surrounded by a bright glow and I could hear the sound of the ocean. And I've heard that sound before, John. When we sat with the Tibetans at the temple and the film ended I heard the same sound. That older monk, he knew what I was hearing, he even smiled at me.

"But just now, I was in Tommy's presence for only a short time and then things began to fade. I became concerned but he laughed and I knew this was all supposed to happen. He faded, and I couldn't remember what he looked like towards the end. Then there was only the sound of the waves left until I heard the birds chirping. Wow, it was intense, what does it all mean?"

"In the teachings of the Buddha, we are shown that death is but a return to the elements. When a body dies your life energy becomes like a drop of water mingled in the vast ocean of the universe until we are reborn. We are all reborn unless we have achieved nirvana, the object of our desires in spiritual terms."

"So it's as if I saw him being reborn?" Alan asked.

"Not exactly. Symbolically he became as one with the universe from which all life begins again, he simply faded away from this one. Maybe your memory of him kept him from departing before now. It must be comforting to know that he is ready to be reborn and that his laughter was a parting gift to you for all time.

"Death is not the ultimate answer to our lives, Alan. We may grieve the loss of the body in our minds as you have cried for Tommy. But his essence will be reborn from the universe and the cycle of life will go on. The wheel will continue to turn as it always has since the beginning of time."

"I felt no sadness, only joy. I think I would like to be a Buddhist," Alan blurted out.

"Because of me?" John asked.

"No. I think you would still love me if I worshipped that large rock out there in the garden. But I want to know more of what brings you such strength, such peace. I feel it every time I'm with you, John. It's like you have an aura around you. It would be wonderful to become one with the universe and be at peace."

"A thirst for knowledge is the first step," John said. "So you'll come to New York with an open mind?"

"I think I'm ready for just about anything," Alan said. "And John, thank you, it was a great comfort to see that vision this morning."

"Really I did nothing except say the mantra. Maybe it was my destiny to bring you here for that moment with Tommy. You certainly did all the rest yourself."

"I still think you were involved somehow," Alan said.

"I am involved, but only with you. I like looking at your naked body, that delicate curve of your neck as it meets your shoulder and all that spun gold shimmering in the sun. You are one beautiful dude, Alan. See, maybe there's hope for me yet?"

They went down for breakfast at noon and Louie managed to keep a straight face. Alan knew he was dying to know what had happened but would never ask. John managed to divert the awkwardness of the moment as they sat sipping coffee around the kitchen table

"Who is this Ta Ta person Alan has mentioned, is anybody going to tell me the real poop on this guy?"

"Uh oh, you didn't tell him?" Louie said accusingly.

"Uh, I didn't get much of a chance," Alan replied.

"Hello guys, I'm right over here," John said.

"Ta Ta is a drag queen, honey," Louie said, "Alan was supposed to tell you that we're taking you to a drag party tonight. The Fall Ball is one of our biggest events of the year."

"Really! Cool, that sounds like a blast," John said. "Oh, Alan. Let me guess, you were afraid I'd run screaming out the door, am I right?"

"This a bit different than anything you've ever seen before," Alan said.

"I love new things," John said with a wink. "I hear you do drag, Louie."

"Oh yes, tonight I'm going to do my Marilyn Monroe bit." And with that he launched into the song 'Diamond's are a Girls Best Friend'. John clapped, laughing with glee at discovering something new about the gay world.

The conversation turned to costumes, makeup and cleavage, Louie showed them the sequined gown he was planning to wear, Alan knew he'd sewn each bead and bauble on by hand.

"Oh wow, it's beautiful," He managed to say, "The best one you've ever made."

"You sew all this yourself?" John asked, "That's amazing."

"Alan sews with me. You should see some of the stuff we've made. Matter of fact, I have some photos around here somewhere."

"Oh, that's ok, Louie. Maybe we'll see them some other time," Alan suggested.

"Why not now?" John asked, "Are you embarrassed?"

"I'll bet it's because his cute little butt was hanging out all over the place in that skimpy Egyptian costume," Louie said as he produced the photos. Alan knew he had been set up.

John howled at the pictures of Alan in the slave costume and groaned at the photo of Ta Ta. "You do have a nice ass, Alan."

"I wish you two had been around last week, we might have made plans for you to wear something," Louie said.

"You mean we could go in costume?" John asked, "Like what?"

"Marilyn always had well dressed men around her, I'd put you in white tie and tails, you could've been my escorts. What an entrance we would have made," Louie sighed.

"So why not now," John suggested, "Can't we rent tuxedos?"

"Sure Louie, we'd love to help," Alan said.

Louie looked like lightning had struck and Alan saw the wheels turning.

"It's one o'clock, gentlemen. We have until eight-thirty tonight to accomplish the impossible. The show commences at ten o'clock sharp. Alan, you call the Posh Togs store and see if they have the tails. You guys look about the same size but you'll have to be fitted in person. John, you call the florist for boutonnieres. I'm going to rent us the biggest limo in town. Hop to it boys, we have a show to do."

Alan followed John upstairs to get dressed and once the door was closed pinned him against the wall.

"I knew I loved you for a very good reason," Alan said. "Maybe you always thought it was because I was hot for your body but it's really because you're the most considerate, kind individual I've ever met.

"This will make Louie the belle of the ball; you know that, don't you? He'll make the grandest entrance of all the girls and they'll be so jealous of him, you just don't know how much this means to him... and me."

John kissed the tip of his nose and asked, "Do you still have the slave costume?"

"Yeah, it's around here somewhere, why?"

"It turns me on. Will you wear it for me sometime?"

"Oh Lord, you're not kidding," Alan said.

By five, they each had white tails in hand. Shoes, top hats, canes and flowers completed the wardrobe; everything was in white except for the red bow ties. They drove back to Louie's to begin polishing the shoes and removing every speck of lint from the jackets. Dinner was at six but Louie just couldn't eat since he had a major case of stage fright. By seven they were bathed, dressed and looking like a million dollars.

John led the way outside to the verandah, standing in the cold air to keep from perspiring

"You do look handsome," John said. Alan was beginning to enjoy the way John kept admiring his looks. But in fact they both looked handsome as hell, shining faces scrubbed clean and even their fingernails trimmed, Louie was into details. Alan had pulled his hair back in a ponytail. It was finally long enough for that once again. John had tried to follow suit, but it wouldn't work until his hair was considerably longer.

"Are you nervous?" Alan asked him

"Should I be?" John countered.

"The girls are a hoot, you might even have them coming on to you," Alan suggested.

"Then we're going be Siamese twins tonight, ok?"

"I will defend your honor 'til my last breath," Alan said.

"You really mean that, don't you?" John said.

"Yeah, but you know the best part? I finally have someone to share my feelings with, someone to tell about what I feel inside. I've missed being able to do that."

"I'm still coming to terms with discovering I can be in love with a guy," John said.

"I'm sure that takes some getting used to."

Alan felt totally elated, this was their first venture into the gay world together and he knew John felt it too. Alan reached over and straightened his tie, John kissed him in return. The wash of light from the flashbulb lit the whole verandah, Louie was taking pictures again.

"Shall we take a few photos before the limo gets here?" Louie asked.

The blonde wig, the white skin and especially the legs, he had duplicated her perfectly.

"Oh wow," John said," What a babe you are." He always said the right things.

"Incredible, you look just like her," Alan said.

Marilyn blushed and did a bit of a curtsey. They all stood for photos. The limo driver rang the bell and they made him take a group photo, he probably thought they were all nuts.

The mansion on Cedar Run Lane, in fact the only house on the street, was the most impressive John had seen since he toured the White House. Ta Ta was incredibly wealthy and loved to show his opulence, sometimes in garish fashion. Four men in eighteenth century French livery stood at the bottom of the marble steps to open car doors. Alan said it always felt like they were visiting royalty.

The driver had delivered them to the portal at the appointed time and the press was waiting. To his credit, Ta Ta had set the stage for each appearance of a famous person, the party's theme. Three hired photographers rushed forward to greet Marilyn as they exited the limo. Flash bulbs popped and questions where shouted at her as they ascended the stairs, it all felt so real. The exterior of the mansion was floodlit with colored lights and the Christmas decorations looked more expensive than the ones at Macy's.

Two footmen and a butler were at the door to receive them as they rushed into the hall like some scene from a Hollywood photo shoot. A woman took their coats and Marilyn retired to the ladies room, of course, to powder her nose before the big entrance.

John and Alan checked each other out and then did a once over in the hall mirror. The huge sheet of glass was bigger than any mirror John had ever seen. This place was really incredible. John couldn't stop gawking at all the lavish decorations.

"Just wait," Alan told him, "I'm sure we haven't seen anything yet. Ta Ta is a master at staging these events. Everything builds to the grand moment."

"So how will I know him, I mean her. What costume is she wearing?" John asked.

"Ta Ta could never be mistaken for anything but Ta Ta," Alan chuckled. "Tonight she is the Queen of France, Marie Antoinette herself. Personally, I used the think she was the world's biggest bitch."

"But you don't anymore?"

"No, Bill is the kindest man you will ever meet. He's just a little rough around the edges until he gets to know you."

They heard a fanfare of trumpets from behind tall doors at the end of the long hall. Another grand entrance had been made. A footman approached them and bowed.

"Excuse me, gentlemen," He said, "Is Miss Monroe ready? She's on in about ten minutes."

"I'll go get her," Alan promised. But Louie was already on the way.

Her diamonds glittered, the furs were perfectly arranged and the red dress sparkled. Everyone looked smashing as John bent and kissed her hand. "Knock 'em dead babe," He said, and Louie beamed.

They walked slowly down the hall towards tall golden doors. John watched in amazement as Louie wiggled his hips and seemed to become Marilyn Monroe right before his eyes. The huge doors opened and the major domo announced Miss Marilyn Monroe and escort.

The heralds played a fanfare from the balcony above and down the stairs they glided into the most amazing world John had ever seen. Flash bulbs went off everywhere as they entered the ballroom. John and Alan remained a few steps behind Marilyn and stopped when she paused to accept the audience's accolade.

The hall was filled with flowing gowns and beautiful people, although some were decidedly more beautiful than others. A swirling sea of colors and faces turned their way and Marilyn smiled as someone handed her a microphone.

"Oh thank you," Marilyn said in her breathless tone, she giggled, "You're all just so sweet."

The band struck up the intro to 'Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend' and John heard Louie clear his throat. Alan had mentioned that the vet had a really good singing voice and now they were about to hear it.

Louie sang his heart out through two choruses of the song and it brought the house down. Alan could see Ta Ta as the Queen sitting on her throne clapping away. She really loved Louie a lot.

Marilyn finished her performance with giggles and lots of blown kisses before they were escorted to greet the Queen on her throne. John looked Ta Ta over and grinned. She looked outrageous in her costume but somehow it all fit together. Ta Ta was gracious to Louie, and winked at Alan, but her eyes lit up when she saw John. They took off their top hats and bowed deeply to the Queen, she nodded her head royally.

"So my dear," She said to Louie, "Who's the boychick you brought tonight?"

With a grand smile and still in character, Louie said, "Oh, that's Alan's new friend, Your Majesty."

Ta Ta turned to Alan and gave him a genuine smile.

"You have good taste, Master Alan, well done."

"Thank you, Bill, uh, Your Majesty," Alan replied. "May I introduce Mr. John Bateman. He is new to Her Majesty's court."

"And so he is, a welcome addition I might say," Ta Ta smiled.

Like a real trooper, John knelt on one knee and kissed her hand.

"I am honored, Your Majesty," John said.

"And you are welcome young man. You keep such excellent company that my home is yours," Ta Ta said. She must have liked him a lot, Alan thought, and he was the proudest peacock in the house that night.

Another fanfare sounded and the next in along line of celebrities made her entrance at the top of the stairs. John tried to decide if it was Mae West or Judy Garland? With some of these guys in drag you couldn't tell the difference until they started singing.

Louie went to do the kissy-kissy thing with all the girls so John and Alan scooted towards the end of the hall where the bar was set up. Alan ordered a beer, John shook his head no.

"Man, this place is huge," John said, "Any idea how many rooms he has here?"

"Over two hundred, Louie told me once. I've been all over the place, want a tour?"

"Oh we shouldn't," John said.

"But when Ta Ta said to you, 'my home is yours,' he really meant that, John. You made quite an impression."

"Ok, then let's go look," John replied.

The ballroom and a grand dining room were joined by a long enclosed promenade, which actually disguised the many portals and entranceways used by the kitchen staff. Alan took John quickly through the madhouse of the prep area into the actual kitchen, which could prepare meals for several hundred people with ease. Tonight there was only a small staff of twenty or thirty to cater the party.

They ducked through a pantry and up a back staircase to the servant's quarters. The hallway was silent, everyone being at work. Stepping through another door they came into the upstairs hall of the house proper. Ta Ta it seems was into decorating his private space in bright colors and with beautiful wooden statuary. John ran his fingers over several pieces of art.

"I don't think any of these statues have clothes on," John said. "And they're all boys."

"He had a friend that carved most of these. I imagine the models are still around somewhere. You know Bill likes his boys. How about a look at the Queen's bed chamber?" Alan asked.

"But that's her private space, man," John said.

"Nothing's private about Ta Ta, you'll see."

The formal bedroom was reached through a double door off the hall. A huge bed, lots of paintings on the walls, beautiful carpets on the floor.

"Wow, it's beautiful," John said.

"Sure is, better than a Holiday Inn. Want to see her real bedroom?"

"Bill doesn't sleep here?" John asked.

"I wouldn't," Alan replied.

A small elevator built into the wall took them to the top floor and as they exited John found himself standing at the base of a huge glass covered dome. It was cold outside and the dome seemed to be covered with a million stars shining brightly through the crisp clean air. He thought it was a bit like visiting the planetarium on a third grade field trip.

"This is awesome," John said.

"Ta Ta is into astrology you'll discover, he connects with the stars and planets in a big way. If you get the chance, ask him, I'm sure he'll tell you all about it."

"I caught that. Is he into young guys or something?" John asked

"Can't you tell? The statues?" Alan replied.

"Then stay close, will you?" John said.

"You're safe with me," Alan said.

They stood under the dome of stars for a while and then Alan took John down a spiral staircase all the way to a door at the bottom of the tower, but it was locked.

"Damn, we'll have to climb all the way back up," John said.

"Naw, I'll bet there's a key hidden over the door," Alan said. There was, but he already knew that.

"Hey, you knew that didn't you," John laughed.

"Just messing with you," Alan said.

The room on the other side of the door was Ta Ta's art gallery. Bill had some famous and not so famous paintings stashed away in here. Most of it was modern, not Alan's favorite form of art. He led John through the room to the opposite hallway.

"Hey, that's a Picasso," John said as he was dragged along. "Holy shit, this place is full of famous painters. That's a Van Gogh."

"Yeah, Ta Ta loves to collect things, expensive things," Alan said. He opened the far door and snapped on the lights, John gasped.

"Welcome to the torture chamber," Alan said.

No kidding, it was just that. There were chains and leather straps, handcuffs and whips, more chains and leather; this was the dungeon at Ta Ta Mansion.

"Oh man, this is spooky," John said, looking at a rack of leather covered dildos.

"I think it's mostly for show. The gay scene is into some pretty strange stuff but personally I follow the love and kindness method of seduction, I don't believe in pain."

"Thank you for that," John said. He picked up a bell shaped device, "What's this for?"

"I saw that in a magazine once, it's supposed to make your cock bigger when you pump it. Not something you'll ever need," Alan laughed. "Come on, let's go to the real play room."

Alan led them down a brightly lit hall way to the arcade. Ta Ta had a room filled with pinball games, a shooting gallery, pool table and even a small bowling alley. The place was all decorated to look like a section of boardwalk on any tourist beach in America.

The machines ran on tokens, John discovered, and there were ample supplies of those sitting in bowls placed around the room. They took off their jackets and carefully hung them on the coat rack, Alan even rolled up his sleeves. They shot eight ball for almost an hour before they heard the elevator whine and when the doors opened a tipsy Marilyn stepped out.

"I knew I'd find you here," Louie said, "Did you get a tour, John?"

"Oh, yeah, all of it," He replied.

"Oh, Alan, you nasty boy, did you take him to the chamber too?"

"Yeah, he did," John laughed, "I was afraid he wanted to tie me up or something."

"I'll bet he doesn't have to," Louie snickered, tweaking John's nose between his fingers. "I just came down to check up on you, it's a madhouse upstairs."

"Don't worry, we're being good," John said.

"Oh honey, you'll always be good," Louie laughed.

He stayed a few minutes longer and then left, staggering back on the elevator. John could see him become Marilyn once again before the doors slid shut, what an actor. They played around for another hour before getting bored.

"He thinks we're having sex, doesn't he?" John asked.

"I've never told him anything of the kind. I'm sorry...he is a little bit drunk."

"It's alright, I like Louie," John said.

"What shall we do now?" Alan asked, wishing the subject had never come up. He'd give Louie a piece of his mind later. "Want to rejoin the party?"

"Not especially, too loud and crazy for me. How long do these things last?"

"Until dawn, I'm afraid. We could go into the library."

"Cool, maybe we'll find something he's written," John suggested.

"Probably, I haven't read any of his stuff either."

The library was all the way in the other wing of the house. Along the way they encountered some more male statuary.

"Whoa, look at the thing on that guy," John said.

"Compared to whom? If Ta Ta ever finds out about you there will be another statue, but he'll have to build a room to handle it," Alan laughed. John punched him in the arm.

"That's our secret, right?" John asked.

"You can trust me to keep silent. I hate sharing."

Alan had only been over here once and they took a few wrong turns before finally approaching the large oak paneled doorway he was seeking. The library doors were partially open and they heard a voice speaking inside. It was a poem and a nice one from the sound of it. Alan looked at John and shrugged as he pushed the door open a bit and stuck his head in.

There was a woman in a leather biker's jacket and jeans standing on a small platform, she was the one giving the reading. Her audience consisted of two other women, similarly dressed but younger. All of them seemed to be in their twenties and had really short hair.

They were probably lesbians, John guessed. He knew that gay was not the proper term. They preferred to be called lesbian. He had always wanted to know more about them and here was the opportunity. Alan knocked on the open door and the woman stopped reading.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to disturb your reading. It sounded wonderful," Alan said.

"Aw, that's ok, kiddo," The woman said. "Come on in and join us."

Introductions were made all around and the woman turned out to be Bill's younger sister. Her name was Mitch, which they learned was short for Michelle. The two on the couch were Laura and Jinks. Their relationship as lovers was made obvious from the way they stayed stuck to each other.

"I was just reading some of Billy's new material," Mitch said. "I'm probably his worst critic."

"Billy?" John queried.

"Oh, you know him as Bill," she laughed. "I used to call him Ta Ta when I was a little kid; he likes to use it for his drag personality."

"I always wondered about that, thanks for filling in the information. I didn't know he wrote poetry too," Alan said.

"Oh gosh, dear, he writes volumes of stuff. Look, all the portfolios on this shelf are his manuscripts," Mitch said, indicating about thirty feet of shelf space.

"I'm sorry, we didn't mean to interrupt your reading," Alan repeated.

"Oh, that's all right. I suppose we shouldn't be here anyway, I picked the wrong night to come for a visit. What brings you boys here, the party?"

"Yes, we came as Marilyn Monroe's escorts," Alan said.

"Right, you're Louie's young friend, I've heard about you," Mitch said.

"I deny half of it," Alan replied. She chuckled.

"No dear, it's all good. Is this a particular friend of yours?"

"I'm his boyfriend," John said. He said it so easily that despite the shock Alan felt at hearing those words he knew John had been thinking about their relationship all night long.

"You two make a cute couple, don't they Jinks. Hey you two, we have company," Mitch yelled at the two women necking on the couch, "Come on Jinksey, be sociable."

Jinks and her girlfriend had been kissing heavily. Alan guessed that was a polite term for what the two of them had been doing. Jinks pulled her hand out of the girl's pants and smiled.

"Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Never mind," Mitch shook her head. "Couple of stoned lesbians, what ya gonna do with 'em?"

They left the two lovebirds alone and the three of them began to talk about Billy's poetry, which led John into a discussion about Buddha and then the conversation turned to religion, literature, and history. Mitch was bright as hell and she seemed to admire the way John spoke up for his convictions.

Alan guessed the leather garb was deceiving; she really wasn't a biker babe at all. Finally they heard noises outside the French doors and went to see. Alan thought the party was breaking up but Mitch assured him it was just the party poopers leaving, hell, it wasn't dawn yet.

Mitch lit a joint and handed it to Alan. He looked over at John who just shrugged. Why not, it was a party after all. John even tried a few hits but only managed to cough himself into a small high. Then they decided it might be fun to take a peek at the party. Mitch led them up to the second floor and through a doorway Alan had never noticed before.

"Hey Sam," Mitch said to a man sitting behind a sound console, "How's the show going?"

"Same old, same old," He replied. They were in a control booth high above the ballroom floor. The whole room was laid out before them through a large window. Alan noticed there were TV monitors here as well. Ta Ta must have had the whole place wired.

Down on the floor Ta Ta was sitting askew on her throne, her wig was on crooked but she roared with delight at something going on out on the floor. Alan looked down and saw two of the girls brawling, complete with kicking, biting and hair pulling. Mitch shook her head in disgust.

John pointed at a row of tables that had been brought in, the midnight buffet. Several naked young men lay on them covered in cold cuts and cheeses. That was a really naked lunch being served down there.

"Does that make you hungry?" Alan asked him.

"I ate dinner," John said, "But I haven't had dessert."

"Oh my," Mitch said, "Do you boys want to be alone?"

"Oh no," John said, "I'm sorry. We're kinda new at this."

"Oh how sweet," Mitch said, "Young lovers make the world go round."

John asked Sam a question about the sound console and they soon got into a technical discussion. Mitch pulled Alan aside.

"Look kiddo, if you two do get horny be sure and go up to the dome room. It's probably the only place where Billy doesn't have hidden cameras around, ok? Just a word of advice, I'd hate to give him anything like that he could use against you later, you know how he plays sometimes."

"Thanks for the warning," Alan replied, "But I don't think it will happen here."

"Well maybe, but your boy looks really cute right now, doesn't he? Hell, we still have at least two hours 'til dawn. You never know."

"I want to go someplace quiet," John said a few minutes later, "My brain needs a rest."

Alan took them back up to the dome room and locked the door. They lay down on the circular bed in the eerie glow of starlight from above. Lying there directly under the center of the dome it felt as if they were floating up there in the sky. After a few minutes John rolled over and gave him a kiss on the lips.

Alan inhaled the smell of John's skin and savored the taste of those lips. They held each other tightly. John had definitely come to some conclusions about their relationship. But Alan had realized from the beginning that John would always be in control no matter how much he yearned for it to go faster.

"Thinking again, aren't you," John said.

"Do you read minds too?" Alan asked.

"Only yours."

"Am I really your boyfriend?"

"I believe it's written in the stars up there," John said.

"You've made me so happy tonight."

"I'm glad that your first thought didn't turn to sex."

"No way," Alan said. "It's there in my head, sure, but I won't... "

"Hush," John said. "I will teach you patience and then, when you least expect it, we will become lovers. I want it to be special between us, Alan."

The faint glow of dawn was lighting up the sky when they walked back downstairs. John was amazed at the new feeling inside head as he followed Alan down the corridor. It did seem like they had been meant for one another.

He smiled to himself. Maybe Jesus had been right after all. But then that meant this was going to be a long term commitment and he had never rushed into anything like that in his life. He needed time to reflect on these thoughts and feelings and he couldn't think of a better place than the Buddhist temple they would be visiting. It would show him a side of Alan that he didn't think the boy even knew about himself.

Love, so this is what it felt like? The smell of coffee and bacon wafted up the stairs. John smiled. His eyes were watching Alan move gracefully across the carpeted hall and somehow he felt possessive. It was a sense of power to know that Alan would be his for the asking and that would be wrong. Their moment would come and it would make itself known to them both. John's stomach growled. And as they reached the top of the stairs he slipped his hand into Alan's as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Yes, it was.