Are You Scared Yet?

by J J Janicki

Chapter 5

At the end of the last chapter, I said that I wished I could put into words how it felt but, really, it was almost beyond mortal words even before he swallowed my balls. Both of them along with the rest of me and... well, that just did it, and from there to the inevitable conclusion, words fail me. And it's like I said, it had been feeling good up until then. So I'd probably been moaning some. Happy, blissed-out moans. But I still don't think I ever once went "Awoooooo."

Only Earl kept trying to tell me that I did. He said I sounded like Miss Honeywell in "Porky's" That's the lady gym teacher who was nicknamed Lassie because whenever she smelled a jock strap or the like, she'd lose control and if she was with a man, she'd attack him. She wanted to have sex right then! So of course the guy would be all for it, but as Lassie's passion mounted, she'd start howling. I saw the movie once when it was on some movie channel and if you can overlook the fact that the "adolescent boys" appear to be at least in their mid-twenties - some even had receding hairlines - it's funny. I've seen worse.

But at any rate, soon as I got most of my breath back and my eyes cleared, I said, "Ho...ly shit!"

Earl was sitting back on his haunches, looking smug. "You liked that, huh?"

... "God... yes. That was... It was unreal!"

"You know you almost passed out?... Maybe you did."

"Well, for a few seconds, I might've.... It was like nothing I ever imagined!"

"You know you were howling?"

... "No I wasn't. You're making that up. I-"

"You were! Just like Lassie in "Porky's" You know, Miss Honeywell? Awoooooo! You got rid of the bats, you were making so much noise.... Shit, Natty, you're blushing!... You don't care if I call you that, do you?"

"Natty's okay I guess. But I still think you're making that up about me... Howling? That doesn't sound like something I'd-"

"You were."

"Wasn't. Because-"

"How do you know?"

And so on. I still don't think I did - at least not loud enough to scare the bats - but it really was feeling awesome. So if I could've held out longer, just feeling better and better... well, who knows?

But at least now we had something else to talk about while we were recharging our batteries: movies with interesting sound effects. Although the only one I could think of with anything in it like "Porky's" was "Amélie". (Up until then, my visits to adult sites featuring XXX movies had always been very brief because those movies were like, totally gross. Or at least that was my initial opinion and... well, actually I'd just as soon not dwell on it. I'm trying to forget.)

So maybe there's something to "age-appropriate" after all. But they're sure not much for foreplay. In some cases, not any!

Speaking of which: there's also something to be said about wearing some clothes. I mean, getting out of your clothes is what's fun, but obviously, if you're both already completely naked...

On the other hand though, it's also fun being naked... so I'm still trying to make my mind up.

But while on the subject of interesting sound effects, we also discussed how the sublime could be put into words in the first place. "Their passion mounted to indescribable heights." That's inadequate. "Something happened, and there was no going back." And that's even more inadequate. "He squirmed." "He bucked." "He thrashed wildly." "He wiggled." Wiggling is good.

"Ooooooohhhhh..!!" "Aaarrggghhh!!!" "Oh, I say, that really was quite remarkable!"

We finally agreed that achieving an "Oooooohhhh!! Oh... shit!... Aaarrggghhh!!!" would be almost as good as it could get. And I suppose if, aside from the two of us, no one else was in the immediate vicinity, then "Awoooooooo" would be decent as well. Although I'm still not saying that I really did that.

But we also talked about all the places we'd like to visit someday... and more about our various interests... and about Carlie's driving. After awhile though, it seemed as though Carlie was re-entering the discussion quite a bit. He'd love it out in Nevada, because out in the open country there aren't any speed limits. And he could probably go naked, too. I mean, it was Carlie this and Carlie that and while I'm far from psychic, it began to dawn on me that Earl was really hung up on him.

So of course that left me feeling a bit awkward. Icould hardly be accused of cheating, but I wasn't sure if Carlie could or not. Obviously, because I had no way of knowing what went on between the two of them. Although based on Earl's saying that for three years he hadn't really had any sex... and then there was him saying that he'd never had anyone blow him before... and that he wasn't ready for "back there" yet...

"So okay, apparently he likes Carlie a lot, but maybe he hasn't ever said anything about it to him. But why not? He told me he was gay, so why wouldn't he have told Carlie?... And it's not like Carlie acts all that straight either, you know... not hardly... and near as I can tell, he likes Earl too, so... You know, I'm really not ready for a soap opera here, but this could get complicated!"

And it sure could've, but after I started lapsing off into slightly uncomfortable silence - or at least I was at a loss for words more often than I'd been before Carlie started entering the picture - a bit apologetically Earl remarked, "Guess you've noticed that I keep talking about Carlie a lot, huh?"

"Um... Well, he's pretty cool... and it's hard not to like him... I mean, he's crazy, but he's a lot of fun to be around.... How long have you known him, anyway?"

"Ever since I started living with grandpa. About three years.... And you're right, he's fun to be around.... And he's crazy..." (then after a deep breath, he rushed on), "but I'll just ask you then. You and him... have you messed around?"

I swallowed hard. "Well... nothing at all like what we just did... not even close... but... yeah, a little. But see, I didn't know-"

"You know, you're the first person... well, I've never told anyone that I was gay until I told you."

I've thought it over since, and I suppose there was as good a place as any for him to interrupt, because I was definitely floundering, but now I was really getting confused. I mean, I had no idea where he was going, but finally I managed, "Well, prior to you, I'd never outed myself either.... But it looks to me like... well, I'm not an expert, but I know Carlie's talked about you a lot... and it's all good stuff, I mean, I definitely get the impression that he likes you. He thinks you're a good friend, so..."

"Really?" Earl was looking at me very intently.

"Yeah, really."

Then pregnant silence reigned for at least a minute, which was time enough to wonder if I'd just recommitted myself to a summer of near-celibacy. And if that was the case...

Well, at least I could feel good about being selfless. Occasionally, and I guessed I would... but to be honest I'd still much rather be having sex.

But finally Earl broke the silence. "I guess I was scared to come out to him. I was really scared.... And I still am, but you want to do a group therapy thing here? I'm trying to explain, all right?... And I really hate talking to shrinks, believe me, I've had my fill of that bullshit... but I'm still trying to work things out, okay?"

I shrugged, then carefully answered, "Yeah, I guess it'll be all right.... And I know about shrinks too. I think therapy is my mom's religion. So while I haven't had an enormous amount of experience - personally, I mean - I've at least had enough to agree with you completely.... So okay, where do we start then? Because right now... well, I'm feeling... confused. But then I've only just arrived, so you go first, okay?"

He never explained why he wanted to dress up like a rabbit, and I was still trying to fill the blanks in regard to what things were like for him before he moved in with his grandpa: he just said it was something he had no control over. But whatever it was, it was bad enough to have Social Services involved for quite awhile afterwards and, if nothing else, that explained his disliking shrinks as much as he did.

But I suppose it also explains why for the longest time he didn't want to be gay. Guess you might say he had a bad role model - or models - but that's how he felt about it the summer before when he was spending the night with Carlie. When he woke up and Carlie was feeling him off. So it was a bad scene, because what Earl told him was: he still wanted them to be friends, but not that way.

So it would have been better if Carlie could have been in on our "therapy" session, but he wasn't, so we tried to figure him out in absentia. It seems reasonable, though, that if you were caught doing something like that and your friend says that he isn't that kind of a person, then you might pretend that you weren't either and apparently that's what Carlie had been doing from then on. And he'd done a good job of it, because until I showed up Earl was thinking that there was no chance.

He finally comes to accept that he's gay, only he's already scared Carlie off.

Or at least that was my take on it, that Carlie was only putting on an act, and if he was willing to do that just to remain friends, well... "I think you ought to tell him, that's all."

"That's easy for you to say, " replied Earl, so that led to me detouring off to Stephan and how I could... well, I don't know... feel his pain?

Well, I was just trying to emphasize, but I guess I can understand how if you really like someone a lot, it can be more difficult than if you just like that person some. You might have more to gain by coming out, but you also have a lot more to lose.

I took the news that he'd come out to me sort of as a trial run fairly well, though. Mostly because I was pretty much doing the same thing and I'd have to say that it worked out very well.

But fine, soon as we had Internet access, I'd try getting in touch with Stephan again, even if I wasn't going to come all the way out immediately. No, I'd try to sneak up on it, sort of like Earl eventually agreed to do with Carlie. Sort of, because after all, Carlie was right here and Stephan was all the way back in New York. So I couldn't play escalating sex games with Stephan, but we could with Carlie. We could.

Obviously I liked that idea a lot more than celibacy, but before getting to that, I probably should explain that Earl wasn't particularly psychic either. No, he'd just made an educated guess that me and Carlie might be playing around when he noticed that I wasn't wearing any underwear. So even though he knew very little about rich kids from the Upper East Side, it seemed odd. Especially since Carlie was notorious for not bothering with underwear in the summer, so he guessed that I was probably being influenced to do likewise... which then led to wondering why I would let myself be influenced... which led to the size comparison... and I certainly reacted favorably to that... but then shortly afterwards he almost drowned and lost his rabbit suit... which wasn't planned, but it still drew us closer... and so on. And if you think about it long enough, it almost makes sense.

And the fact that at first he was jealous of me makes even more sense.

But at any rate, Carlie getting me out of my clothes was equivalent to first base and he'd done the same thing to Earl. Only in Earl's case it had happened the year before when Carlie was still learning to drive fast and it was in a pickup, so I guess there was even more reason to be scared out of your clothes. Especially since once they really had ended up out in the middle of a field, but they both had their seat belts on and they came out of it better than the pickup did. But first base was okay. All three of us or even just me and Carlie.

Second base was mutual jerking off. Carlie and Earl had never reached the mutual part, but they'd whacked off in each other's presence a few times. And again it was because Carlie suggested making it into a contest, but there'd been none of that since Earl scared him off. But that was okay too.

Third base was oral. We didn't know if Carlie would be up for that or not, but if he was, well, that was also okay. (!!!!)

Although we weren't going to try for third base right away. At least not with Carlie, unless there were some strong indications that he was up for that before any hints were thrown out. But until then Earl and I could still practice from time to time.

"O-kay. I'm all for that. When I can swallow him down to his balls... well, that'll be good, but it takes some practice. Lots of practice. So..."

Home base was anal. This was the Holy Grail and was to be a private affair and only between two people who cared about each other a great deal. Like for example: Stephan and myself - or someone who could eventually replace him... as long as it wasn't Carlie. Or at least not unless it wasn't in the cards for Earl to ever make it that way with Carlie.

Only in that case it probably wouldn't be in the cards for me either - not with Carlie - but that remained to be seen.

And besides, I said I didn't want to rush into that and I still didn't. It was something I wanted to experience, because from what I'd read, it sounded awesome, but I wanted to save it for someone special. Although...

"Well, what about fingering? I mean, you need to gradually increase the size anyway... you know, to prepare yourself, because from what I've read, it works out better that way-"

"Yeah, it does, " Earl agreed, "but you can use your own fingers."

"Well yeah, but-"

"Carrots work good too. Then maybe a small cucumber... something like that, or-"

"Actually, I was thinking about in the future, " I interrupted, "but I've heard that fingering while you're doing the oral thing heightens it quite a bit."

"True. So we might negotiate later, but for right now... well, you've never experienced a sixty-nine, right?"

Right. And I need to practice all I can."No, have you?"

"Of course not. So..."

"I think I'll start with your balls this time, " I said speculatively, "because I really don't know if I can manage both them and your dick yet.... Probably not. But I think I'll do that... and maybe down between your legs a little... just barely, but not... um... well, back there.... I mean, that's out."

"Well, I heard it really heightens the experience... But I don't think I want to rush into that either."

"No, " I giggled, "I don't think I want to rush, but..."

I took a deep breath, then seconds later, "Howth thif?" ("How's this, " only my mouth was full, so that's an approximation.)

I was gentle, though. It was like I was handling eggs. But it did produce some squirming. Maybe wiggling wouldn't have been a good idea, but even so, I got some nice squirming and an "Awoooooo!" I'm sure he was only pretending with the sound effects, but then when I started licking on his perineum...

"Ooooohhhh, " and thistime, he wiggled. Quite a bit, actually.

So I was making progress, but when I went down on his dick again, that's when he went down on me. "You're getting smelly, " he observed just before.

"Gooth!" I replied, "Youth arf tooth!" I mean, that's hardly unexpected, you know.

Then Earl said, "Awoooothh!" Now, that tickled. In a really good way, but once again, words fail me. So I guess I'll just stick to ooohhhing and awoooooing. Under the circumstances, I think they sum things up very well.

Although it took us awhile. It was still awfully exciting, but the problem was, we'd already lost it not once but twice and there really is a limit. So the first was premature, the second was downright explosive, but number three took some work and we had to call time out a few times. I didn't mind though, because that meant the feeling off routine lasted a lot longer, and I didn't mind that at all!

But that took care of that. Or at least for the day it did, because we were drained. In fact, I doubted if I'd even be able to get up later on that night. Carlie might be feeling frisky, but...

"That could be a problem."

It could have been, because I'd promised not to tell Carlie anything about what we'd been up to. If everything worked out, Earl would tell him later, but not right away. But still, if I was having problems getting it up, how could I explain it? "It's been a long day, Carlie. You wouldn't believe everything that happened. The boat almost sank, mosquitoes were biting me everywhere, Earl almost drowned, we lost our clothes and had to walk home naked..."

And speaking of getting home...

Yeah, that was something to worry about. I hadn't thought about it too much, but now that we were both pooped out...

"You know what? We probably should try to get home before it gets dark, " remarked Earl out of nowhere. That was interesting timing. Except I wasn't really thinking of leaving quite that soon.

"But... but... I thought we were going to wait until after it got dark, " I stammered.

"Well, I've been thinking about that and the problem is, in the dark we could end up stepping in a hole. There's really no telling what we might step off into or on. Like on a rattlesnake, for instance."

I've looked it up since and, near as I can tell, very few people in North Dakota have even seen a rattlesnake, much less stepped on one. The Prairie Rattlesnake tends to be shy and reclusive, so if at all possible it avoids contact with humans.

Only I didn't know that when he first brought the subject up. But what I did know was, I don't like snakes. In fact, snakes scare me. That may well be because there aren't any poisonous snakes in NYC - or at least not any that aren't in glassed-in cages - but never mind that, because the bottom line is: I don't like snakes!

So that's also why we didn't wait until almost dark to leave, no, I thought right then was as good a time as any. It was going to be just as broad daylight in a few hours as it was then, so... "Let's go. Now." I was fairly insistent. Irrational or not, my fear of snakes took precedence over my fear of being seen by whoever was on that tractor we could hear off in the distance. In fact, all at once it was sort of comforting to know that somebody else was in the general vicinity.

Although it took several minutes to convince him that then was as good a time as any, but really, if you're in a house fire, you think you're going to worry about how you're dressed? If somebody is trying to kill you, are you going to worry about somebody who's not trying to kill you seeing you?(I didn't say I was being rational, I just said I was insistent.) Is it our fault we lost our clothes? No, it isn't. So what are we supposed to do, wait until we get snake bit?

I started having second thoughts once we really were out in the great wide open, but I tried to act nonchalant. You gotta do what you gotta do, that's all. And at least it didn't seem likely that we'd be popping one for awhile.

Yeah, well, guess again.

It started about ten minutes after we'd left Lake White behind us, out in the middle of a big open field, about a minute after we actually sawthe tractor (and whoever was on it) at the top of the hill. But at least we were too far away to tell if whoever did a noticeable double-take. But still, if we could see... whoever, then that person could hardly be expected not to notice us. Although at least whoever just kept doing whatever he, she or it was doing and was soon out of sight again. Out of sight, yes, out of mind, no, and that's when mine started straightening out again. You really have to admire its persistence. It's not very intelligent, but...

"Oh shit!" giggled Earl nervously. His was just as stupid as mine was.

Somewhat anti-climatically, though, our dicks retreated back to normal after a few minutes. Even if it can be argued that for them, stupid is normal as it can be. But at least they decided that we weren't going to be messing with them right then and went back to wiggling and jiggling and after what seemed to be a very long time, we were finally inside Earl's room. We only saw two cars pass by while we were in sight of the highway and whoever might or might not have seen us, and that's all I can say about it because we were running as fast as we could. But once inside... well, we put some clothes on.

Then we got something to eat and watched TV for awhile, wondering if anyone connected with law enforcement was going to knock on the door. No one did, so after about an hour we decided to see what was happening back at the garage.

Well, for starters, the pickup wasn't any closer to being fixed. Carlie would find one problem, fix it, then there would be another. So of course Abe was upset and kept saying that he was going to get his money back.... Except he needed something to haul his stuff in. Carlie every once in awhile had reminded him that he wasn't supposed to be driving at all, but by the time we arrived, he'd apparently given up.

Although not long after we showed up, he suddenly came up with the idea of Earl driving.

So this caused Earl to glare at Carlie. Earl was already feeling fairly aggrieved, but that clinched it. "I don't know how, and I ain't gonna learn on that piece of shit, no way!"

"I can teach you, " replied Carlie cheerfully.

And that caused Earl to glare some more, but it didn't look like the truck was going to be drivable anytime soon anyway.

Only all at once I was wondering...

Well, I was just wondering, but learning to drive a car with an automatic transmission would probably work out better. A lot better.

So that caused Earl to briefly glare at me... and Abe mentioned that learning to drive wasn't as easy as it looked, but he'd learned on a Model T... but you had to crank 'em by hand... and "I'll tell you what, that old Model T could kick like a mule, it could"... but then Earl changed the subject.

"We got your boat back, " he started.

"So where'd you put it?" asked Abe.

So Earl told him. Only Abe didn't want it there, he wanted it on his property.

"Yeah, well, it's got a hole in the bottom, so if anybody wants it, they can have it!" shot back Earl.

"It's my boat and I want it where it belongs! Why didn't you just row the blamed thing back?"

"Well, it's a really long story, " said Earl, but he left it at that.

Carlie wanted to wrestle some more that night, so we did and it really didn't take me long to get hard again.

So of course we ended up having another contest, although not too surprisingly he came a lot sooner than I did. We didn't go any further than that, but it was still nice.

I told him about our adventure, and he thought it was hilarious.

I didn't mention any of the sex, though. That was left up to Earl. I had no idea how long it was going to take him to get his nerve up.

The following day (Wednesday) the boat was finally where Abe wanted it: in their back yard. John drove down, threw it in the back of his GMC and that took care of that.

Abe's pickup was no closer to being fixed, although Carlie was still trying everything he could think of up until early that afternoon, then the guy who was going to install the Internet dish showed up and within an hour we were on-line. Carlie was really excited, but at first all he wanted to do was to find out as much as he could about '84 Ford Rangers. So after reading up on various problems (along with possible solutions), he was back at it again. He's very dedicated and to him that truck was a challenge.

But that left me and Earl and it didn't take long to figure out that Earl was really excited. He had a decent knowledge of things because they had computers at school, but still, he'd barely scratched the surface. At school lots of sites were blocked. YouTube, for instance. Not to mention Facebook, MySpace, ESPN, all personal e-mail... Netflix (???)...

And also Nifty. (No!)

So of course I had to show it to him. Just briefly though, because after all I had close to a hundred stories I'd saved to a folder including some that ran over a MB in size. Long multi-part stories.

So Earl said I'd have to print some of them out for him. Only I hadn't brought my printer with me. And besides, it would be a lot easier to save the files on a memory stick and that way he could read them on his own computer whenever he wanted to.

Only he didn't have one. I forgot about that. But at any rate, that took us to eBay, only in no time at all he was looking for bunny rabbit costumes.

But nothing came of it because as far as he was concerned, they were too expensive.

So I shrugged and said, "Well okay, why don't we just google it then?"

"Google what?"

So after going to Google, I typed in: "make your own bunny rabbit costumes" and... voilà! "How to make a rabbit costume", just like that. (Inexpensive, too.)

"Cool!" said Earl.

But after he took down all the notes he needed on making his own costume, he was wondering what else you could google.

"Well, just name something, " I said.

"... Death Valley."

So in no time at all I had links to images, history, lodging, weather... you name it... and it happened again, one thing kept leading off to another. It's happened to me often enough, but just how did we get from Death Valley to arguing about whether appoint was the antonym of disappoint? I'm still not sure, but I think it went like this: One of the quick facts about Death Valley was that during the Pleistocene Era, the floor was once a lake. So that led to googling Pleistocene Era, which led to googling mammoths (one of the largest land mammals of the Pleistocene), which led to a link that didn't provide very much information, which led to Earl saying, "Well, I'm like totally underwhelmed here."

So okay, we went to another site which was a little more informative, so at that point Earl remarked facetiously, "Okay, now I'm whelmed. Not overwhelmed, but at least whelmed."

Only that led to us wondering if there really was such a word as whelmed.

Well, guess what, it's a legitimate word. Basically it means the same thing as overwhelmed, but still, it's a word.

Only problem was, we found a thread on that question and one contributor said something like: "Yeah, I'm whelmed every time I chalantly walk into a room." Chalantly, nonchalantly. So okay, we googled chalant, and not only was it a word, (which almost no one has ever heard of), it also was the antonym of nonchalant! So okay, forget Death Valley, the Pleistocene Era and mammoths because now we were wondering if there was such a word as... well, embodied. (Disembodied, of course... embodied... Yes!)

Okay, combobulated, then. Surely not, but... well, I'll be damned. It's a word too! (And the opposite of discombobulated. Really.)

So at any rate, we soon arrived at illusioned as opposed to disillusioned. So illusioned means the state or condition of being deceived while disillusioned means to be deprived of an illusion or a belief, so for the sake of argument that led me to say, "Well, if you're disillusioned with our government, that's the same as being disappointed, right?"... which led to Earl the cynic saying. "Well, duh..."

But that led to disappoint as opposed to appoint and that's where we were when Carlie came back in wanting to look up manifolds or something. So of course Mr. Practical quickly informed us that we were both crazy. Or at least hopeless nerds, but as he (Carlie) was walking back out the door, Earl said, "But you still love us, right?"

So that could have been taken the way I'm sure it was meant to sound - as a wise-ass question - or it could have been taken differently. And considering that Carlie stopped, looked back at us a bit wryly, then shrugged and said, "Yeah, well, maybe, " I guess it's understandable why I read a lot into that.

Or maybe it's not, but whatever, I looked over at Earl and said, "See?"

"See what?" he asked. Well, naturally, but I could tell that he was thinking about it.

He definitely was, because right after that he asked me, "So you going to try to get in touch with Stephan now?"

"I'm afraid this time it's just going to get bounced back, " I answered.

"Well, you'll never know if you don't try, now will you?"

"And if I do, you're... you going to keep your end of the bargain?" Death Valley, Pleistocene era, mammoths... and so on... to this. But still, it's a logical progression, right?

Well, possibly not, but at any rate...

Earl took a deep breath and said, "Well, soon as...I see a good opportunity."

So as far as I was concerned, that was a pretty indefinite answer, but I swallowed hard and asked, "So what happens if it doesn't bounce back but he still doesn't answer?"

"You tried.... So go for it. You don't have to say much, just something. Okay?"

It was a strange feeling. On one hand, I was afraid I wouldn't get an answer. Although with email there are lots of reasons why you might not get an answer right away, but still, if it went unanswered for more than a day, it was about time to give up hope. So I wasn't just afraid, I was scared!

But on the other hand... well, number one, there was the possibility that I would get an answer from Stephan - a good answer - if I just tried one more time, but beyond that was the fact that if I kept my end of the bargain, then Earl was going to keep his end. Only like he said, at first it was going to be stuff all three of us would be engaged in. Group sex! It might start out being nothing more than some mutual wanking, but I knew where Earl wanted it to go and I was fairly sure that Carlie would be all for it.

So I was scared, but I was also feeling that familiar crawling sensation in my groin. Even if my love life was destined to be a tragedy, I could still be wanton, you know? And really, I liked both Carlie and Earl a lot!

It was a very strange feeling and it seemed like my fingers were poised above the keyboard for a long time. I was trying to think of something magic to say, but I didn't even know where to start.

But finally I sighed and keyed in:

Hey Stephan,

I want to talk to you, okay? I know my dad screwed you guys, but I didn't know anything about it till it went down.

Biggest thing, though, I just want to know if you're okay. So if you can, I'd really love to hear from you.

Hopefully yours,

Nathaniel.

Then I took a deep breath, hit the send button, turned to Earl and asked, "Okay?" It was a funny feeling, part resignation, part hope, but strangely enough that crawling sensation had gone away all at once.

"Yeah, that's okay, " said Earl quietly. It sounded like I wasn't the only one who was scared.

But then - it couldn't have been more than a minute - Earl said, "Hey! You've got new mail. One." (It showed on my task bar.)

"That means it just bounced back."

"Well, see if-"

"Yeah, okay, " I said dully.

Only it hadn't!

Hey man, I'm really glad to hear from you. Hope you're doing okay. I can't say much now, we're about to go out, but soon as I get a chance, I'll send you a long one. It could be tomorrow, but I will. Promise.

Stephan.

My eyes started watering. I just kept staring at that email, rereading and rereading it, but without looking at Earl I said, "Sometimes... I get emotional, you know?"

"Yeah, that's cool." He gave me a quick squeeze on my shoulders. "Totally."

I still didn't know what to expect, but it sounded like Stephan was okay, and more importantly, we were still friends. Good friends. Maybe even best friends still. Being 1850 miles away... well, it mattered, but not as much as before, because there was still hope for one day. I had no idea when that day would come, but at least there was hope, and right then it was all I could ask for.

Next chapter: "I don't want to have a goddamn moral dilemma! I'm too young to have one of those things! Shit!"