"I still don't get it," I say, packing up my stuff.
"Get what?" Carson asks, concentrating on his stupid phone.
"You and Zack and… this whole thing!" I say, and he finally turns his attention to me.
"There's nothing to get. It is what it is," he says, shrugging his shoulders.
"What are your intentions with Zack?"
"You sound like you're his father or somethin'," he smiles.
"I care about him and I don't want him to get hurt," I say.
"You don't even know him."
"Yeah, I do. I had a good talk with him and I really like him."
"You just like him because he gets off on you and Tyler."
"I like him because he's nice and supportive and real and… approachable… and–"
"Would it make you happy to hear that I love him?" Carson asks with a straight face.
"No, cuz I'd know you're lying."
"I love him as much as I could love a dude."
"You use each other. You use him for material things and he uses you for physical things."
"That's about it," he yawns.
"How could you just stand there and look me in the eyes and tell me that you love him?"
"I mean it. What we have… works. It may be the most successful relationship I've had with anyone in my whole life! Yeah, we use each other, but he's my best friend. I trust him. He doesn't annoy the shit out of me. He keeps me from fucking up too bad, and I can just hang out with him and be totally fine. I've never been that way before. I used to not be able to stand hanging around other dudes. I always just wanted to go out hunting pussy or be by myself. Plus, I kinda like the physical stuff, too. I'm a sexual person, and I like to be touched… and wanted."
"I'm glad it works for you… and Zack would say the same, I'm sure… but I'm afraid he might like you too much."
"You mean that he'll fall in love with me?"
"We talked about that. I promise… I won't let it happen. You have to trust me, I do NOT want to hurt little Zachary."
"You can't help it. I mean, I fell in love with Tyler… REALLY HARD and REALLY FAST! I felt like I had no control over it. It just happened, and it could happen to Zack… if it hasn't already."
"We have a plan for that."
"We'd be done. I'd have to find another roommate."
"That's the way it has to be. C'mon. Let's take your stuff to the car."
I take a deep breath as I hoist my bag over one shoulder and Tyler's over the other. Carson won't touch anything that could possibly have cum residue on it. Tyler and Zack have been gone over twenty minutes. They're finally having the talk. I feel my heart pounding. This could go really well or disastrously bad.
"I feel like I should say 'thank you' like… a million times," I mutter, struggling to balance both bags as we head through the large entrance doors. "I got in a lot of Tyler time in this weekend."
"I don't think we'll ever get the smell of brother sex out of that room," he says, crinkling up his face.
"I think you know… that since you're having us here… to do what we do… you're like, approving of us. You do… approve of our relationship, don't you?" Carson remains silent and eventually lets out an uncomfortable groan.
"You don't want to ask me that question," he says, flatly.
"Yes, I do."
"I think it's what's best… for Tyler… right now," he says, looking back at his phone.
"What do you mean?"
"I think it's good for Tyler… right now… to have someone love him."
"What about me?"
"What about you?"
"Don't you think our relationship is what's best for me, too?"
"I think a smack upside the head is what's best for you!" he says, smacking me as I try not to drop both bags on the pavement.
"Wait up!" Zack calls to us as he and Tyler emerge from the dorm entrance. I watch them approach and I can't read Tyler. His hands are in his pockets and he's staring at his feet. I can't tell if he's angry or embarrassed or just being shy. "I gotta tell you somethin'," Zack says, catching up to us. He takes one of the bags, slings it over his shoulder and puts his other arm over my free shoulder.
"What?" I ask, still looking at Tyler.
"That guy over there," he points at Tyler, "the one with the black t-shirt… the adorable one… the one that's a little embarrassed and trying his hardest not to smile… the one that's been trying to hide a hard-on ever since we started talking about you–"
Tyler finally breaks and shoves Zack as hard as he can, sending him sprawling onto the grass in hysterics.
"I think I know the guy you mean," I chuckle, setting my bag down and helping Zack back to his feet.
"That guy… loves you LIKE CRAZY!" Zack says with sudden seriousness as he stares into my eyes. "He totally made me cry, okay?"
"Yeah, he's good at that," I smile, looking back at Tyler, who has his hands buried in his pockets again as he stares at his shoes. We reach the car and I toss the bags into the trunk. I'll have to remember to air out the trunk later because it will surely smell of sweat and cum.
"Just so ya know," Zack says. "If you ever fuck things up, I'll dump what's-his-name over there in a fucking SECOND if Tyler ever comes on the market."
"Sorry, I'm never gonna let him go." Tyler looks up at me with a sweet smile and a huge amount of love in his eyes. I need to kiss him… very soon. "Thanks for everything, guys!" I say, giving Zack a half-hug and then chasing Carson down for a bear hug.
"We'll see you next month," Zack waves as we get in the car. "I'm gonna stay on campus for summer term since Carson will be here."
"Sounds good," I say. They turn around and head for the dorms.
Tyler is just sitting behind the wheel with the key in the ignition, not moving. He hasn't said a word since they caught up with us. I hope he's not angry.
"I want to do it," he turns to me with a smile. "I want to make love to you."
"REALLY?!?" I almost scream.
"Yeah." He grabs my hand, gives it a squeeze and interlocks our fingers.
"You have to tell me!" My heart is beating faster than right before our first kiss. "You have to tell me every single thing that he said!"
"Okay, but we gotta get on the road. If we don't get home, Mom's gonna freak."
He pulls out onto the street, and eventually onto the highway. He keeps smiling, enjoying making me wait."
"TELL ME!" I erupt. "I'm dyin' here!"
"Okay, okay!" he laughs, taking a long gulp from his water bottle. "First he said that… making love to you… is the best way for me to show you how much I love you."
"Good… yes! What else?" I ask impatiently.
"He said… this part kinda made me laugh… he said that you were, like giving me… your hole. You're like giving it to me as a gift."
"I am!" I confirm the idea.
"Like it's mine now, and it's mine to use to make love to you. If you use it for… other things… I don't have to know about it. It's just that… its main purpose now… is for making love."
"Yes, yes, yes!" I try to breathe more slowly.
"It's not a butthole anymore."
"I get it! What else did he say?" I laugh.
"He said that once we started doing it, I wouldn't even think about it like my dick was in your butt anymore."
"Yeah, just thinking about it as your love-making hole is perfect. I wish I woulda thought of that."
"He said that it's going to be super, super hot," he glances at me with a smile.
"Yeah," I moan.
"He said that it's always best when the bottom loves getting fucked… I mean… loves being made love to."
"Mmmm, I'm gonna love it soooooo much," I close my eyes.
"He said that I'll have, like… moves."
"Yeah, like… I'll learn how to do moves that… feel really good to me, and other moves that will… drive you fuckin' wild!"
"Holy shit! I think I'm gonna cum!"
"I know. That sounds so fuckin' awesome!"
"No, I'm seriously about to cum!"
"Yeah," I groan, arching my back in the car seat.
"Hang on," he says. He pulls off the road into a gas station and parks behind the carwash. I unzip my shorts and release my dick. Tyler's eyes grow very wide as he leans over to take me in his mouth. "Yeah, you're totally about to cum."
In seconds I moan out, squirting a big load into Tyler's mouth as I stroke his hair.
"Mmmm." He sits back up, licking his lips.
"My turn." I quickly pull out his dick from his shorts. This is going to be a big load, too. It has been churning and building up during his entire conversation with Zack. I give it a few firm sucks, and chug down his warm cream. He moans and rubs his hands over my back. The whole routine takes less than two minutes and Tyler nonchalantly pulls the car back onto the highway.
"Oh yeah," Tyler continues. "He said that whatever we do, we shouldn't watch porn before we do it… and try to copy some stupid porn scene. We should try to make it our own."
"Like American Idol?" I laugh.
"Totally," he smiles. "It makes sense, though. I want to figure out what I like and what you like. I don't want to copy anyone."
"That makes sense. We will make it great! It may not be perfect at first, but it WILL be perfect!"
"Yeah… and the last thing he said… this was what really got me…."
"He said… 'You think that boy loves you now? Just wait and see what happens when you make love to him!'"
"Holy shit," I lick my lips and close my eyes.
"Yeah… I almost came, just thinking about it."
"I can do it. I can love you more!" I say. "I can't fucking WAIT!"
"I guess we should figure out… when we're gonna do it," he says, biting his lip.
"I don't want to try to do it after school during our forty minutes. It will feel too rushed."
"Yeah… I wish we could go to a motel and spend the night," he moans.
"I know… but we couldn't afford it and there's no way we could sneak out of the house and get in the car without someone catching us."
"Can you ask to sleep over at a friend's house?"
"I haven't done that since fourth grade."
"DUH!" I slap my forehead. "Water park day!"
"No, I can't ask you to do that," Tyler says. "That's like… your day."
Water park day has always been the highlight of my year. We could never afford a vacation, so we always went to the water park the first day after school is out. Tyler and I always behaved the last few weeks of school because there was no way we were missing water park day. I don't know why I love water slides so much, but I was always the kid who was running desperately to go on one more slide when everyone else was sun-burned, sun-stroked, starved, half-asleep, and ready to go home.
It will be the perfect day to make love. It's over two-hours of driving. We always left the house around 7am, and didn't get home until after 10pm. No Mom… no Dad… no Parker… no Jackson…. We can take our time and spend all day in bed together… perfecting our new activity.
Tyler is the easy part. Last year, he earned a lifetime ban from the park. He actually got in three separate fist fights that day. I don't know what was with him, but that was certainly one of the old Tyler's low points.
I'm going to be the hard part. Mom and Dad know how much I love it. If I suddenly said I don't want to go, they're going to be beyond suspicious.
"Umm… love-making day is going to blow water park day out of the… water," I laugh.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course!" I lightly push him. "I'm a big boy now… I don't need water slides anymore. I need LOVIN'!"
"Okay, okay," he takes a deep breath and smiles. "Damn, that's like three weeks away."
"It'll be worth the wait."
"Yeah… so how do we get you out of going with them?"
"I dunno. Do you think I can just say I don't wanna go anymore?" I ask, knowing the answer.
"You? Fuck no."
"I can't fake getting sick…." I could kick the twelve-year-old me. Three years ago, I had an ear infection and hid it from Mom and Dad so I could go to the water park. It got a lot worse, but I didn't give a shit. I still went on the slides all day, just like any other year. If I faked being sick, Mom would sniff it out immediately.
"You could get in trouble," Tyler suggests.
"Yeah, I think that's my only option. I have to get in big trouble."
"You can't just do something stupid that's like…."
"Out of character," I mumble.
"Yeah. If you do something weird right before water park day, she'll know you're up to something."
"Dammit!" Mom sure is a worthy adversary. I grind my fingers into the car seat, trying to think of something. "What is something that I do that Mom hates?"
"You could call me stupid," Tyler says indifferently.
"No, I think that could work. Mom always gets so mad when someone calls me stupid… then she turns around five minutes later and does the same thing… in her own way."
"I can't do that. It kills me that I was such a jerk to you before… and when I think about some of the things I've said to you, it makes me want to cry." My voice cracks, and I stare out the window.
"It's just stupid brother stuff. I don't care about that… and didn't we erase all that stuff a while back, anyway?"
"Yeah, we did… I just don't think I could do it. It would kill me to say something mean to you and have to look in your eyes as I say it… I'm not that good of an actor."
"Could you be a good actor… just for a few seconds… if it meant that I could make hot, sweet love to you?"
"Mmmm… yeah," I moan.
"We'll work it out. We'll figure out exactly what's gonna happen and exactly what each one of us are gonna say. That way, I'll know you don't mean it, and you'll know that the tear rolling down my face won't be real, either."
"SHUT UP!" I shove him a little too hard and the car swerves a little. We laugh for a few seconds before returning to think about the plan.
"I think it's the only way. We'll get away with it."
"We'll practice. Maybe, that way, it won't be so bad when I actually have to do it."
"Yeah." Tyler lets out a long, satisfied sigh. "We're gonna make love. It's gonna be so awesome."
"There won't be any words for how good it will be." I smile, shaking my head. "Hey, can I ask you something?"
"You never told me… why you got in those fights with those guys at the water park last year."
"Do I have to tell you?" he laughs.
"Yeah, I want to know what was going on with you."
"Well, I was like… going totally guy-crazy."
"Yeah… I was so horny and so lonely… and not jerking off, which you know. The water park was full of hot dudes, and I was determined to kiss a guy before the day was over."
"Did you get to kiss anyone?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.
"Nope… it was a little harder than I thought."
"Wait… did Mom or Dad find out that you were getting in fights because you were trying to kiss dudes?" I had no idea what was going on because I was on the slides all day.
"No, it never got to that point. I'd pick a kid that I thought was cute, and I'd try to talk to him… to try to see if I could pick up a vibe. Then, he'd eventually get sick of me or creeped out that I was following him around. He'd say something mean to me or call me a name, and then I'd get mad and I'd punch him."
"Aww… you poor baby!" I pat him on the knee. "It's a good thing you have a guy to kiss now."
"Yeah, that's a really good thing," he says. "Hey Mace?" he asks after a few minutes of silence.
"Since you're in a good mood… there's something that I gotta tell you."
"Uhoh," I say, my heart instantly beating faster.
"It's nothing really bad… it's just that… I have to get a job."
"I have to get a job. I'm going to be a busboy at that Italian place on First Street… Alfredo's."
"Why do you have to get a job?"
"I have to make some money… I have to be able to buy stuff… cuz I kinda, sorta… have a girlfriend."
His words stab me like a dagger in the stomach, and I double over in my seat. Before I realize it, I'm laughing hysterically.
"WHAT?" he giggles. "I'm cute! I can have a girlfriend if I want."
"Okay… this is gonna be a great story!" I try to stop laughing. "Go ahead."
"Well, there's this slutty girl in my Basic Skills class… Angelique."
"Anyway, after class one day... I dunno… I think she basically wanted to blow me."
"That BITCH!" I get a new case of the giggles.
"Yeah, but I'm not used to girls paying attention to me at all, much less talking to me about that kind of stuff. I was like… really nervous and stuttering, and these other two guys heard it all. When I turned her down, one of the guys said, 'He must be a fag.' The other one agreed, and they laughed."
"Yeah, so I threatened to fight them, and they backed down."
"So Angelique is your girlfriend?"
"No, I thought about it for the rest of the day. I realized I needed a girlfriend for school so that no one would suspect me."
"Oh… you found yourself a beard."
"It has a name?" He looks disappointed. "I thought I invented the idea."
"Not quite. Anyway, go on."
"I thought of this girl in my Earth Science class… her name is Clara. She's a big Christian, and I've heard her talking about how strict her dad is to this other girl…."
"Clara… sounds like a Christian."
"Yeah… plus, a few times, I'd just happen to look at her, and she'd quickly look away from me… like I caught her staring or something."
"Yep, she likes you."
"Yeah. I asked her friend if she liked me, and she said yes. So, I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes."
"There's just one problem with this whole thing."
"You don't know?" I ask incredulously.
"You're like… the best boyfriend in the world! She's totally gonna fall in love with you!"
"She's like one of those… purity ring Christians. She told me that the relationship can only be at school and her dad can't find out."
"You're stronger than any purity ring." I take a deep breath. "Have you kissed her?"
"Are you going to?"
"I might have to."
"I might have to murder her."
"If you do, then I'll have to go back to Angelique." We laugh as we pull up into our driveway.
"I was so nervous that since I had Zack talk to you, you would be mad," I confess.
"What are you talking about?"
"Zack asked me if we were fucking, and I said no. He said that he would talk to you about it, and I told him not to… that it would embarrass you. He said to trust him and that he would take care of it." Tyler just laughs. "What is it?"
"I went to him! I said that I wanted to make love to you, but I didn't think I could get past the whole butt thing. I asked him to help me… to be able to give you what you want."
"Wow… you must really love me," I say.
"Yeah," Tyler smiles.
We both lean in for a final kiss before we head back inside… and have to pretend the whole weekend didn't happen.
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