Two weeks later, yet another storm, worse than the first one, as far as snowfall is concerned, hit our area. With the already white blanket of snow on the ground and in the trees, this one is especially bad because it adds insult to injury.
And once again the power went out at Rocky, Kay and Virginia's home. This time, though, thankfully, the power went out during the day, and their phone remained in service. Though Kay didn't necessarily want to, she called asking for Dad's help... He and Thomas took off on the big tractors, plowed the road just enough to get there, then with Rocky sitting on Dad's lap and Kay and Virginia sitting on either side of him, they made it here in one piece, safe and sound. Thomas had shut off the water to their house, after making sure the livestock were just as replenished as possible, to keep from having pipes freeze and break.
Meanwhile, I changed sheets and tidied up my room in anticipation (duh) that Rocky would sleep in my bed, plus I hoped we would be in the 'mood'... it's been a few days...
In any event, to get back to the present, Thomas called a few minutes ago to say that the power to Rocky's home had been restored, that the utility company was prompt to respond since they did not want yet another incident concerning people who had come close to losing their lives.
He also made mention that Kay and Virginia were balking about coming here to stay since their energy had been restored. Suffice it to say that after we put 'a little bit' of pressure, they relented, accepting our offer. Yeah!
They arrived about an hour later, just a few minutes ago, in fact, and then we took off to clear away the snow so that we could get to the out-buildings without too much trouble. With the 4 of us, Eric, Luke, Rocky and me, we got chores done in record time. We'd let the young'in horses out to pasture so that they could meet up with their parents, cousins, brothers, sisters, and whohaveyou, while we cleaned their stables and replenished their food supply and bedding. They weren't all that interested in coming back, so we left them out with Dad's permission, with the understanding that we'd round them up later in the day, before nightfall.
Dad took off with the big tractor to plow the road from the split to the blacktop, while Eric fired up the large industrial size kerosene heater which performed two functions: first it gave a good burst of 'warm up' to the barn interior.
Having nothing better to do, we went up into the loft (don't tell Dad) to smoke cigarettes and talk about various things, one of which was school... classes had been canceled for the rest of this week. The drawback, what with modern technology (Dad's words), is that the teachers, from their homes, were able to send us assignments so that things did not get hopelessly behind.
With that, our smoke break was cut relatively short, knowing that Mom and Kay would be on our case until the homework was completed.
We thought about giving her a bit of a hard time about our not having textbooks to study by, however, the instructors had emailed our work assignments, such as math equations, English composition, and other things, including book reports for history and geography. What a drag, yet Mom 'stressed' the importance of keeping up, of not wanting to get too far behind, and besides that, she emphasized the teachers gave instructions, and we were to follow them.
Since only one of us could work on the single computer at a time, Stacy was 'elected', much to her consternation, to be first, then Eric, then me. Mom was home-schooling Luke to keep him as up-to-date as possible, given his disability. He's actually very intelligent. His favorite subject is science, specifically biological science. Living on a farm has its advantages. Year around, Even in the cold he goes down to the creek and monitors, on a twice daily basis, records temperatures, and makes observations about the hearty critters that live in or around the water. Sometimes we went along, but, mostly he liked doing it himself. I know the feeling. Sometimes I just want to get away from all that is going on around the house... not that I don't love my family with all of my heart, I do, there are just times when I need or want to be alone.
Since Stacy had a couple hours of work to do, we asked for and received permission to go check on the horses. Of course, on our way to the pasture, we stopped and smoked to the point where our lungs were burning from the rapid smoke-smoke-smoke-until-you-can't-smoke-anymore-right-now symptoms, such as hacking a lung up. Eric turned off the heater and we headed outside to check on the horses. They were nowhere to be seen, so, with the snow tapering off, we headed toward the pasture, using the path Dad had plowed to get us there.
Hey, I guess horses like to do things to stay warm, too. Yup, Coltrane and Gerta were doing their mating thing, even though Gerta wouldn't be going into season until Spring. And, they didn't seem to be in any hurry. Coltrane whinnied and neighed quite loudly to announce his 'arrival', and then they separated but stayed close together, too. Good Lord, that horse is hung, if you know what I mean... it quickly retracted to get out of the cold... hell, I couldn't even imagine having my wet 'thing' exposed to the frigid temperatures; in fact, any excitement that I might have felt, at seeing their rutting, went away!
Dad had already replenished their food supply, having brought two bales of hay, and setting them against the mountain of snow used to provide them with a wind-block.
Coltrane was happy to see me... to prove his point, I got slobbered, but good, the stuff nearly freezing on contact with the little bit of exposed skin on my face. The only evidence I saw that would indicate that he was cold was that he blinked quite often. They do this so that the warmth of the fluid would keep their conjunctiva from freezing.
Finished with those chores, and every other that we could think of, Rocky said, "The creek is frozen solid. Let's go ice skating."
So, off we went. The trees all around pretty much kept a lot, but not all of the snow from getting too deep, but it was deep anyway, but not too much so. With the two pairs of briefs, the thermal underwear and the snow suit, the cold wasn't bothering my legs or hips in any way... I have to add that having no pain was fucking awesome! Even, now, Rocky and I could easily assume some seriously compromising positions, if you know what I mean.
Speaking of 'compromising positions', Rocky much, much preferred being on the receiving end. At first, this caused us an issue, simply because I prefer that position. His favorite 'notice' that he was ready to make some serious loving is that he'd go to the restroom, do whatever he needed to do, then it would be my turn. While I was gone, either to his bathroom or ours, depending on whose house we were staying at, he would slick up his back door, relax it, position himself on pillows, with particular attention to having them under his hips and belly... and, well, that's how it is. Of course, I don't turn him down. I'd taught him, and he learned very quickly, how to relax... a good percentage of the time he would be 'so ready' that all I had to do was lay on him and enter easily. Another good thing we learned is that since we are both predominately 'bottoms', our lovemaking could be extended, most of the time, though not always. If it had been quite some time between our sessions, then we'd cum very quickly, say within 15-20 minutes. Unlike me, Rocky cannot experience orgasm when he's plugged... though, because it's fun and pleasurable, we try to get him going at or near the line at the same time I pop my cork.
Here I am... talking about our love making abilities and practices... heh... making my concentration less than it 'should be' under the circumstances, namely I slid down the bank to the creek, on my ass. If my thinking is any indication, the next thing I knew was Rocky sliding down, too, and landed straddle-wampusing my body with his outstretched legs. Immediately, he pulled down our scarf like things, and before I could say 'cheese', our mouths were together and seriously sucking some face, searching for tonsils.
I grabbed his appendage through those thick clothes, got busy with my hands, as did he with mine. I vaguely recall seeing Eric and Luke close by, but then again, I was in no shape to form any kind of intelligent conclusion to anything, nor did I care.
Now, mind you, I don't make 'much' stuff, but what I do make made that area down south of the border feel very wet... and gooey. When I started coming up, or coming down from that far away planet, Rocky was just entering that time zone... so I held him firmly to keep him from sliding on down into the creek. Even though the creek appeared to be frozen solid... still that landing and sliding would be one hell of a rude awakening!
When he returned to this planet, we heard breaking little twigs and footsteps behind us. Looking backwards, Eric and Luke were standing there observing, grinning.
Rocky, less accepting of other people watching our most intimate moments, released his hold on me and stood up, adjusted his stuff, gave me a wink, reached out his hand and helped me to my feet. We kissed one last time before bracing ourselves against the cold. Though my seedling offerings are scant, I still felt wet and damp 'down there'.
Rocky then hit the ice, skating like a professional, even while wearing his boots. Luke, too, appears to be an accomplished skater. Eric, being more cautious, less confident, skated around the periphery. I'd never skated before. I wasn't all that crazy about trying it. Mirroring my thoughts, Rocky came over, got off the ice, and said, "Maybe you shouldn't. I don't want you to hurt yourself. What are you thinking?"
"Yeah, I agree. I guess Dr. D. doesn't want me to knowingly take chances."
"You're healing up faster than he expected you to, but, you're right... I'd play it on the side of caution, too. Are you about ready to go? I'd like to stop at my house, just to make sure everything's okay."
So, that's what we did. The trek up the hill was arduous to say the least. Even though Dad had plowed a path for the horses to come and drink creek water, from their house, walking through the 18-20 inches of new snow was quite the challenge, but we made it.
The troughs were fully filled and thawed, so their animals had good water to drink, and all was well despite the ongoing severe cold snap deep within the heart of winter.
Arriving at the barn, we went up into the loft (don't tell Dad), grabbed a couple of packs of smokes, had a cigarette, then headed down from the loft and up to the house. Thomas' truck was sitting out front. He was sitting at the kitchen table when we entered. After pleasantries were shared, I went to Rocky's bedroom and stripped to the long-johns, went into the bathroom and released a menagerie of liquid and solid refuse into the sewer system, leaving me feeling much lighter in the socks.
Entering the kitchen, Rocky grabbed an apple from the basket on the table and tossed it to me, then took a bite of his own. His face scrunched up at the tart tingle attacking his tongue. I took a large bite, chewed a couple of times, and then felt my face scrunch up, too, for the same reason. Apples always do that to me, I don't know why – heh, neither do I care.
Thomas said, "The power has been on for quite a while... do you guys want a ride back, or do you want to walk?" Looking at me, he continued, "How's your hip?"
"It's fine, but, yeah, I'll ride back with you. Are you ready to go?"
"I'm going to go check the troughs, one more time, just to make sure they're fully powered."
Rocky offered, "They're fine. We've already checked them. They're full, too. Thomas, do you think it would be okay if I stayed here? I mean, if the power goes out, then I'll call, but somebody needs to be here."
"Oh, I don't know about that. During the daytime would be fine. At night is a different story... no, I don't want you staying here by yourself. You guys just about..."
"That's because we weren't expecting it to happen. I guess you're right, besides I don't want to call you in the middle of the night."
Rocky sat down, reached for his boots, and began putting them on. I went into his bedroom, and got into my snow suit and stuff... I was just getting ready to zip up the overalls when Rocky entered. He said, "Sorry... I debated on asking you to stay, you know, so that we'd have some time alone, but Thomas is right... I sleep hard when I get to sleep... and don't usually know what's going on around me. If you want to stay, we can."
"Nah, you guys are right. It's just too cold to even think about walking to my place. We'll have another time. Is this okay with you?"
"Yup. Not a problem. First thing tomorrow morning, we'll come over and do chores." Rocky replied, then reached his hand down into the warm sanctuary between the threads of the snowsuit and the skin of my belly, and then, well I got a bit excited, then just as quickly he zipped it up and kissed me.
"Not fair!" I groaned while trying to get certain things arranged comfortably.
"Later, I promise... come on. Damn, these things are hot."
"No, it's you that's hot!" I said, then gave him a good goosing.
We went back to school the following Monday.
At mid-morning, I was summoned to the office... I had no clue what it was all about... and, I must say that I was a bit anxious, because the other times I'd been called to the office, in my old school, it was always about my absences. As I walked down the empty halls, the anxiety lessened, knowing that I was doing the right things, feeling good about them, and doing well on my tests and stuff.
The receptionist made a call after telling me that the counselor wanted to see me about the test results. I sat down and waited, feeling good about the situation, knowing that I hadn't done anything wrong or questionable, and that I'd tried to do well on those examinations.
Mr. Meigs, the school counselor for my part of the alphabet called me into his office. He didn't close the door so that it latched, but he closed it most of the way, saying, "I'm sorry; the doors have to remain open... not that anybody's going to eavesdrop. Our school made some significant changes after the Columbine event... I have no worries about you or any of the other students here in our school... it's just the rules."
I nodded, sat down, briefly scratched my left nut when he turned away, then got comfortable in the soft chair.
He asked curiously, "Is everything going okay at home?"
"Yup. It's all good. Thanks."
"Just checking up. If you have any problems, then you can bring them here. Are you having any flashbacks or nightmares?"
"It's been about 3 weeks... I'm doing okay, really I am... honest."
"Oh, James, I don't think you are telling me anything but the truth... I'm just asking. Relax. I just want you to know that we're here for you. If something comes up, then feel free to come talk with me at any time."
"Okay, thanks. I'm doing good. I'm really happy."
"The Richardson's are good people... okay, you're probably wondering why I called you here. I wanted to go over your testing results... I've already talked to your Mom. I have some really good news to share with you about your testing... first of all, you are reading and writing at the 10th grade level... this is commendable, James. Social studies and geography are at grade level... this means that you are in the average percentile for your age and grade. Life sciences are a year ahead of your age and grade percentiles... also very good. Math is at grade level. What you need to work on is government and US history... these are lagging about a year behind. With some hard work, you'll bring these up, probably before the end of the school year. Lastly, PE is not an issue. You've been excused for this year due to your operation... this is no problem... it's not going to hold you back. By the way, how are you feeling... are you getting better?"
"Oh yeah, I'm doing good. I'm getting back into my chores... No problem. Can I ask you a question?"
"I don't understand why we have to take government and history... I mean, do we really use this stuff in... you know, when we get to be adults and stuff?"
"That's a good question. It is a question that's asked fairly frequently. I've come to realize, and just so you know... I wasn't a government and history buff, either... in an ideal world, people would learn from their mistakes over time, and our government would do well by not repeating the same mistakes over and over again... the other reason, the main reason for taking history and government is because these classes are a curriculum requirement, sorry."
"Yeah, well, they're all a bunch of idiots... I mean the people in Washington and the other countries, too. Why don't they just sit down and talk about things, rather than getting all pissed off all the dang time... they make no sense."
"It's all about power and control... it all boils down to 'I am right, you are wrong!'"
"Well, it's just stupid. But, I'll work on the subjects... you have my word."
"That's good enough, James. I hear ya."
"So... what does all this testing mean? I mean nothing's going to change, right?"
"Good question, James. We're talking about accelerating you a year, which means you'll skip 8th grade and go on into the 9th..."
"No... I don't want to do that... my friends... I've not had too many friends in my life... they're important to me... look, I just got a family that gives a fuck about me, sorry, but, I give a fuck about my friends and family, sorry, I'm working on my language 'skills'."
"Yes, you definitely have some work to do on that, that's for sure. Tell you what... normally, I'd have to report this to your parents... our school does not teach basic essentials about kids communicating with between themselves and adults... we leave this to parents and children... I am willing to make an exception here... with a condition."
Without waiting for an apology or offering, he continued, "You're an intelligent person, James. Your test results show that you have a good command of the English language, so I expect you to keep this always in your mind, and to practice it on a very regular basis... James, if I hear you using the f-bomb, or if I hear that you are using the f-bomb, then I'll have no choice but to bring your parents in... what would their reaction be?"
"Oh... it would not be good. You don't have to worry about me any more... my mouth gets me in more trouble than anything else... that's for sure."
Mr. Meigs nodded, but didn't say anything more except to ask if I had any other questions for right now. I brought up, "Sir, is there any chance that we could get a GA chapter in our school?"
Here I go... I thought, for sure, he'd know what GA was all about, without having to be told, or have it explained... I just said, after thinking about it for about 30 seconds, "Never mind... I was reading up on the Internet... may I go, now?"
"I'm sorry, James. If you'll explain what it is, then I can answer your question, or I can get someone to answer it."
"Uhm, well... GA stands for Gay Alliance... it's a youth group... you know... for gay people... students especially." I said, then stood up, ready to go back to class, but he stopped me, and motioned for me to sit back down. I thought, 'Okay, here it comes..."
Much to my surprise, he replied, "Oh, okay, I've heard of Gay Alliance... I'm afraid that we do not have enough students to get something like that started here. Besides, this is a pretty close-knit, conservative area... I'm not sure how it would be taken... why do you ask, if you wish to say... you don't have to... and you are not required to... however, any request like this has to be taken to the board for approval. The board also gauges community sentiment... different communities have their own set of what's called 'mores'... that's pronounced more-aays."
"You mean – there are no gays in this town."
"Not that we know of..."
"Oh... well, I know different. It's just not talked about... that's all... so, I'm talking about it."
Mr. Meigs squirmed in his chair, then got up, walked to the door... and closed it, came back, sat down in a chair next to me, and asked, "Is there something you need to talk to me about... I cannot directly ask you, and I'm not sure I can talk to you about it – given certain rules that I'm ethically and legally bound by... if you want to tell me, then this is a completely different ball-game."
"Sir, for obvious reasons I asked the question because I've got them... let me just put my question a different way so that the question isn't a question... there are gay people in this school."
"Really? Nobody's come to me..."
"Yes, really. I kid you not." I said, looking directly into his eyes, then when he didn't say anything, I continued, "Okay, this is the first time I've publicly referred to myself like this: I'm gay. I know, for a fact that there are other gay people in this school, but they are afraid, just like me, to say anything to bring attention to ourselves."
"As I said, James, this community is tight-knit and conservative... and we have quite a few staunch Christians... their beliefs are strong, and their beliefs are good strong principles to live and work by."
I was getting ready say that I, too, had, and do still have strong beliefs in what is right and wrong, and am learning how to apply them into my life. He continued before I could formulate the words I wanted to use, instead of 'That's fucking crazy!" "On a purely individual basis, I have no problem with accepting gay people. It's just that nobody has ever come to me to tell me what you've shared about yourself... I don't know why... you are probably correct... according to the Kinsey studies, performed back in the 1950's and reiterated in the 1980's... according to them, about 60-70 percent of boys have had, at least, one, or, perhaps, more homosexual encounters, and nearly all have had and continue to have self-pleasuring, uhm, self-stimulating... practices."
"Like masturbation? Jerking off? Like that?"
"James, I hope you understand that I really can't go there. It's not that I wouldn't go there; it's just that I cannot, for legal and ethical reasons. Things are changing within the education system, some good, some not so good."
Remembering dad's references to chapter and verse, though I don't remember exactly which chapter or verse, I offered, "Well, the Bible Thumpers don't have it right. My Dad read several Biblical passages that actually contradict what the Christians use as their references... don't get me wrong... Mom and Dad are strong Christians... they just don't believe what a bunch of people are saying about hating one another... or thinking and believing and acting like we're cretins, or something bad like 'em. Mom and Dad tell us to think outside the box so that we can make our own ideas and stand up for them... that's all... when I came out to them, they both said that God loves us anyway... cuz he made me like this... I'm not all that much different than anybody else... you even said as much. Can I go back to class, Sir?"
"James, are you sure? Are you absolutely sure that there... I mean... can you tell me who, I mean, can you tell me how many, uhm, gay people there are here?"
Quickly side-skirting the question, because breaking their anonymity wasn't something I wanted to do, nor would I do, I offered, as a last ditch effort for support of the group, "Sir, GA is not only for gay people... it's for family and friends, too. According to what I've read, the organization is for anybody that wants to support gay people, and it is for gay people, too, so that we're supported... and so we can support the straight folks who come into contact with us, so that they know the truth because they are looking for truth... so they get the truth... they can find out that there is no real differences between us, us and them, so there isn't an 'us' and 'them'."
"Okay, James, I hear you... let me bring this up at the next board meeting, or at the earliest meeting where there is an available opening for a new agenda item. James, if I may say so, I feel that you have leadership potential... you know how to present yourself so that you aren't disagreeable. This is a very good quality... it will do you well in the future, as an adult. The best I can do is to take your concern to the board."
"It's not just me, Sir. I don't like to bring attention to myself... I just think GA would be good for this school... you know... like it would be forward going, instead of living in the dark ages."
Mr. Meigs chuckled. He looked to the floor, then back to my eyes, "We just procured computers for student usage just last year. I'll see what I can do." He then walked to his desk, filled out an admission slip to my next class, handed it to me, and added, "You have my promise that I'll bring this concern to the board... just know that whatever the outcome I'm behind my students so they are whole human beings who give back to the world they live in... this is very important... sometimes we're successful, sometimes not."
That night, just before bedtime, Mom and Dad, sat me down, and brought up their good thoughts and support about my testing results, and how I've grown up since I've been living here at home, my giving freely, and the increasing ability for me to receive love.
Hearing it from them makes a bigger difference than hearing it from outsiders... and I said so... and thanked them for their love and support. Then I broached the subject of GA, "Mom, Dad, I asked the counselor if we could get a GA support group going at school." Both looked at me, not understanding what GA means... my bad... I should have known, "Gay Alliance... it's an organization for both gay and straight people, so that everybody knows we're on the same page, so that we're not all that different, that most of our lives are the same. Mr. Meigs isn't very hopeful, saying that we're a tight-knit, conservative and Christian community. I don't think it's going to work out, really I don't."
Dad spoke up, "But that doesn't mean things can't change." He, then, looked to Mom, then turned back to me, "Son, we don't go to church very often, simply because we do not feel they are telling the truth in a lot of ways... one of the differences we have with them has to do with sexual orientation... what I'm saying is that while gay is not the 'normal' way of doing things... I don't think I'm saying this correctly..."
Mom continued, "Honey, what your Dad and I have come to realize is this: although gay people beat to a different drum, they are still a part of the orchestra... every instrument, every voice is important in the whole of everything, of society itself. Does this better explain how we feel about you, and all other gay people in the world?"
"Yeah, it does. Thanks."
Dad offered, "It's like a tractor, kind of. All of the pieces have to be in good working order, so that it does what it needs to do... all the belts, all the washers, all the bolts, all the tires, all the everything... make it work..."
"And nuts, too."
Dad looked at me like I was crazy, or something, and then cracked up laughing. Mom rolled up her eyes, patted my back, and sent me off to bed.
I talked to Rocky about GA, the board meeting... together we just came to the conclusion that we're really not all that different from anybody else. The only real difference, based on our young experiences, is that we share our most intimate moments with a guy, not a girl, and then we proved it one more time... blissfully so. He gave. I received. And, all is well.
Three weeks later, I was called into Mr. Meig's office. I arrived and was called in almost immediately.
He left the door open.
I seriously thought we would be talking about grades, or some such thing.
But we didn't. That's not what we were going to talk about, instead, he said with a frown on his face, "James, since you and I last talked, I've spoken to several of the board members, and, well, I'm sorry to say that they do not want to discuss the matter... however, here is what I can offer. There is an open 7:30pm slot come Monday night at the board meeting... if you 'choose', then I will introduce you, and anybody else who might be interested..." Then he winked. Nothing more needed to be said.
Friday night, yeah! The weekend was here! Yah! And to top it off, we weren't given any homework in any of the classes – double Whammies!
The day was beautiful – the skies were sunny and clear; the temperature even warmed up to 43 degrees... I even thought about going to the creek with an ice pick, crunching through the frozen water, and going skinny dipping, however my balls rebelled at even the thought... understandable! Brrr.
In any event, Rocky, Eric, Luke and I got chores finished, and then we went to Rocky's and helped with his, getting them done by 8:30. Rocky grabbed some clean clothes, put them into a bag, then we set off for home. After the sun went down, the temperatures plummeted to the teens and the breeze really picked up. Wearing only coats, regular jeans, regular shirts, regular socks, by the time we got home we were frozen. Without waiting for invitations or orders, Rocky and I headed upstairs, stripped to the skin, and were in the warm-hot bathwater before you could say lickety split. While we didn't do anything, directly, sexual, we set the stage for some very serious physical exertion for later when we went to bed, and were alone.
Unbeknownst to any us, Mom and Dad had planned a family meeting while eating our before-bedtime snacks.
The topic for discussion, I should have known as much, was the board meeting on Monday evening at 7:30pm. I already knew that Thomas, Eric and Rocky would be all for it, that we should not be treated any different than anybody else. Even Stacy, through not saying anything, and not giving me dirty looks, supported us in her own way.
Rocky, who had been, and was one of the more reluctant ones, agreed to get up there with me, to talk to the board at its monthly meeting. He wasn't keen about the idea because he, too, didn't like to bring attention to himself, to set himself apart, and he didn't want to cause any problems with any of the townsfolk. I knew, in a lot of ways, he was at their mercy since he was a boy, and Kay and Virginia were women doing the best they knew how on a fairly large farm. If they didn't have townsfolk to help them out, then surely they'd lose their place to live.
Dad said for him not to worry about that, but understood and acknowledged Rocky's fear, though he didn't support that fear, by saying that the community would support him and his mother, no matter what. They knew that the problem had been his father, and Kay and Virginia's husbands. I don't think that Rocky was totally convinced, yet he felt assured that he wouldn't be alone.
When we went upstairs to bed, there lying on my sleeping abode was the letter from 'her'. Rocky picked it up and put it on the dresser while I closed the door, then, in one fluid motion, or so it seemed, he was standing before me wearing only a sheepish smile. Then with a full-out grin he handed me the tube of lube... which meant I get to be on the receiving end of our physical love-making. Yeah!
This morning, I awoke before Rocky. He was cuddled up against me with his warm moist area straddling my thigh, slightly snoring in my ear, with his hand comfortably resting in my favorite place. Carefully, gently, quietly, I reached down and kissed his forehead.
I was wide awake. Although I was far from bored, restlessness took hold. I'm thinking about the board meeting where I would have to get in front of a bunch of people, from town, and explain why I thought a group of us would want to get together, and shake things up, a bit. Mom, Dad, Kay, Virginia all said that they'd be there to support my endeavor. Still, Rocky was reluctant, still fearful of what might happen. In school, our friends and acquaintances were pretty much neutral on the subject, which was brought up in a nondescript way, so as not directly implicate ourselves. Last night when we shared 'notes', we decided to just go for it... that is – attending the board meeting and let the cards lay where they landed.
Taking care to not wake Rocky, I got up and out of bed, went to the restroom, relieved myself, shook the evidence of my maleness several times too many, returned to my room, stripped to the skin, grabbed the letter lying on the dresser, got back into bed, got comfortable, put my arm around Rocky's leg, then looked at the letter, wondering why I didn't just toss it into the trash, unopened.
I really couldn't come up with a good reason to toss it, and I couldn't come up with a really good justification to read it, other than I just needed to see what lies she would tell 'this time'. Through the many discussions had with Mom and Dad, I just came to my own conclusion that she was filled with lies about what I was, would amount to, and my life with them as their child. When this realization came to my being, they no longer had a stranglehold on my life...
Rocky shifted positions, lying on his side, facing away. His still, somewhat, slick bottom was resting, pushing against my thigh... he wiggled a few times to get it just right, and then settled down into a very, very deep sleep, evidenced by his deep, rhythmical, regular and deep breathing. He doesn't snore while lying on his side, so it was totally quiet in my room, save for our breathing, and creaks and groans of the old house, normal occurrences, found if you were just listening... I'd listened to the house talk many times over the past several months, while living with my new family, and had grown fond of its 'words'.
With that fully implanted, I opened the envelope, retrieved the contents and tossed the remnants to the floor, then unfolded the letter, then turned on the bedside lamp and began to read:
Please do not tear up this letter. I know you probably want to, and you have every reason to, but please hear me out. I will not contact you again... any further contact is up to your decision.
(I thought: No, I haven't even thought of that. You really don't know me, do you?)
I'm writing to apologize. What I did to you was wrong, so very wrong. I lay awake most nights, thinking about how different things could have been, and how I really want things to be different, now, today, just for today. It's been said that everything happens for a reason.
(What the fuck... you think that all the bullshit you did and said to me - all happened for a reason... what fucking planet did you come from, huh?)
There's no way I can ever apologize enough, James. What is done is done. I sincerely hope that you're doing okay, now. Mr. Good says that you've been placed in a foster home... I hope, for your benefit, that this is working out okay for you. I was hoping, James, that you'd give me another chance to make things right. Once I get out of here, I'm going to get a good job, and I promise, oh how I promise that I'll be a good mother to you. Would you please give me another chance? I promise that things will be different.
(You are kidding me, right! I mean, what the fuck, you didn't give one good goddamned thing about nothing other than you and 'him').
Your Dad loved me, James. But his love turned to hate the second he found out that I was pregnant with you. I don't know why he hated you, or me. The only consolation was that he was largely not involved in your life... maybe, in his own way, he accepted you as his flesh and blood, and somewhere deep down inside, I think he loved you... but I don't know this for sure.
In any event, your Father and I are finished. I'll not go back to him, even though he thinks I will. He's not right for us, James. Let me prove to you that you are loved by me. One of my goals is to take you to Alaska. When we went there without you, I knew it was wrong to break that promise to you. Just know that my hands were tied.
I love you, James. You're my son, and always will be.
I'm sitting here, feeling totally numb. I mean, what do you say to that? How can you possibly beat that? She's insane, she's gotta be. Like I'm going to stop my life now, just because she says she's sorry. Like that's going to happen … NOT!
I folded the letter, put it back inside the envelope, reached down, kissed Rocky's knee, looked over his leg, saw his limp appendage lying lazily across his pubes, reached down, ran my fingers through his sparse hair offerings, squeezed his dick once then twice, untangled my legs from his, got up and walked to the window where I'm looking out into the winter wonderland of ice and snow, and I'm even feeling the frigid cold... causing me to involuntarily shiver. And, no, the shiver is not caused by any external force; instead, the shivers are transmitting from the inside out. I'm still not feeling anything else, other than love... not for her, though. I wasn't even warring. The thoughts running through my head simply boil down to incredulous. Her writing the stuff she wrote is just incredible, unbelievable, even.
I tried, oh how my God I tried to find something, to remember something good for all of those years I'd lived with them... where I felt safe and sound and loved, like I do now, and cannot remember one single time where I felt this way. None. Zero. Zip. Zilch.
And then, I remembered so many times where I tried, oh so hard, to be a good boy so that they were proud, or could be proud... I was a little kid, just a boy who had been born without being asked.
I walked back to my bed, made my way under the covers, spooned into the love of my life, but could not get comfortable, the restlessness was nearly overwhelming. Rocky woke up, pulled my arm around him tightly, as if that was possible, pushed his most private of places up against me. When my moment arrived, I went 'there' knowing that everything was okay, just like it was, right then and there.
In turn... my whole being accepted his offerings. This time, by far, was our most passionate physical experience, ever... and this is because we were, are totally 'there' – as one. Aside from well placed whimpers, our coupling was quiet and serene, and complete.
Finished, satiated, restful and relaxed, I said to Rocky after he lay down beside me, "There's something I have to do. I have to do it to put the past to rest."
Rocky nodded, then kissed my lips, made his way out of bed, reached down to the floor, picked up the letter, went to the window, stood in the light and read it. Meanwhile, I just watched him, and then tears started running out of my eyes and down my cheeks, landing on my chest. I was crying because his silhouette was totally and completely – angelic.
I got out of bed, waked to him, pulled his arm around my waist, put mine around his. Together, we looked out into the winter wonderland, and wondered what Alaska had what we didn't have. Mentally, spiritually, I came to realize that they didn't have anything, that Dad's broken promise meant nothing more than a broken promise.
We kissed meaningfully, but not wantonly, not sexually, yet it was passionate; very passionate, in fact, but, no need arose, yet it did, in a different way.
The love of my life said, softly, "Do what you need to do... I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be back in a little while."
With that, he grabbed the robe, put it on and took off, leaving me standing there looking outside. Luke and Eric were lobbing snowballs toward each other, having fun, being free, and then Kevin poked his head up, standing next to Eric, and throwing his little snowballs, too, and having a total blast.
With peace and tranquility in my heart, I walked to my desk, grabbed a towel, folded it properly, then sat on it, pulled out a piece of notebook paper, retrieved a pen from the drawer, turned on the desk lamp, and this is what came out of my being... short, simple, to the point, but not resentment filled:
I just looked out the window of my room and saw enough of Alaska to last me a lifetime. So, sorry, I won't be going there with you.
I live on a farm, now. I have my own horse. I have chores to do. I have playing to do. You know, it's like I'm a boy. The family here, my family, gives their kids birthday parties. They give us love, unconditional love at that, and do you know the best part about it is?
I didn't think so. You just don't understand. The best part is that I do not expect you to understand, and it's okay.
Here's the deal Angela... the truth:
There will be no son and mother relationship between you and me. You gave birth to me... thank you... but this is where it stops, now and forever. You see, I have a Mother, a woman who opened her home and heart to me... all she asks of me is that I be happy and contented, to tell the truth in all ways, to share my feelings, to live a decent life, and to be able to love others as they love me, if not more so.
And you know what else? I have a Dad that loves me, unconditionally. He didn't give birth to me, but I feel that he did. And you know what the really good thing is? He hasn't just about killed me like James Senior did... yeah, good ole Dad, or rather Ex-Dad, or rather Dead Dad, left me to die in the basement with the mice, cock roaches, and without food or water... while he went wherever or did whatever he wanted to. Yup, the doctors said I was about 2 days from dying.
And then, he just about killed me again at the courthouse. We went to court so that I could get adopted into this family that loves me, and the family whom I love with all of my heart, when he showed up. Yeah, he showed up. He was supposed to be in prison until I was a gray haired old man, but somebody at the prison screwed up. My Real Dad came to rescue me, not kill me. My friend Tony killed your husband because your husband was going to kill me. This is love. It's love when we're willing to give our lives for someone else.
Sorry, Angela, but I'm going to pass on your offer to become my mom. I already have one... she's the best there ever is, now and forever.
You were right about one thing... although I don't consider myself a faggot, I am gay, and I have a boyfriend that loves me completely in every way. He's the best there is. I love him in every way. And he loves me the same way.
I wish you well. I forgive you. I have to forgive you. I have to, otherwise holding onto my old life is going to hold me back from living today.
It's Monday morning... I'm writing a few notes before getting dressed to provide insulation against the freezing cold. Dad said the current temperature was 'only' 4 above zero, Fahrenheit, to dress warm, to get chores done as efficiently as possible, yet get them done correctly.
He had reason to emphasize the latter... you see, Eric and I, while doing the chicken house, once again, got into a bit of an egg lobbing contest... and well... to make the story short, Mom was none too happy about the way we presented for breakfast. And because Mom was irritated, so was Dad, even more so. Needless to say, the incident resulted in Eric and I going to the bar to receive 3 swats... they weren't (don't tell Dad) too bad, cuz he thrashed us while wearing our jeans and 2 pair of brief underwear... of course, to give the correct 'response' we walked around quite 'gingerly'... ah hem...
Truth be told, and quite surprising, when Eric and I took a bath together, we compared cheeks of the southern variety, and found that those same orbs of flesh were quite red, and by seeing the redness came the stinging sensation. I quipped, "Delayed reaction. Dayummm."
This evening came the board meeting. The meeting room was full, the entire board was seated... both of which were quite unusual for this small town... usually not too many people, according to Dad, showed up, what with being busy with their own chores and whathaveyou.
In any event, the main part of the meeting was boring in that no major issues were on the agenda to be talked about and decided upon. Midway through was a 15 minute break before open items for discussion was put on the table for debate and vote, if a motion was presented to act upon.
I'd decided to wear good clothes. And by good clothes, I mean suit pants, a suit jacket, a white button down shirt and a maroon tie. I waited on the tie until the bathroom break. Thomas took me to the restroom, and using the mirror showed me how to tie it and adjust it properly. I used the can, taking care to not splash my good clothes.
Just as I was leaving, Rocky entered carrying a plastic wrapped package, of sorts, relieved his bladder, then undressed and put on those clothes. I walked to him after he'd buttoned up his shirt, and then put on his tie, and I tied it for him and got his shirt arranged 'just right'. When Thomas walked out, after seeing that we were all put together, Rocky said, "We're in this together. I'm sorry for holding back... I'm just a bit scared, okay, I'm a bunch scared. Mom asked me if you and I were together, or were we going to be separate."
I replied, calmly as I felt, "Rocky, it doesn't matter if this thing is approved... I don't really care... and I don't even have to bring it up... I mean, well, it doesn't change us one bit... I still love you, and will love you, no matter what we do here. Virginia told me something last night that knocked my socks off, something that I didn't even realize... yeah, sure, we might be doing this for ourselves, but the bottom line, what really counts is that we aren't the only gay people in this school district... there's Larry, then there's Shelly, and Melinda, Michael, Terry, Winston and Zack. Then there's us. So we're not alone. So... we need to talk about it... we need to do what we can."
I didn't know there were more of us. Rocky giggled, "It's called Gaydar, Dufus. Man, you have a lot to learn!"
That little comment earned him a tongue lashing, if you know what I mean.
Just as we parted, the door opened, and in came several people to use the facilities. I winked, and then we left, got bottled water from the counter, walked back into the board room, sat down, and waited.
When the call came, Mr. Meigs arose, walked to the lectern, adjusted the mic, adjusted his tie, picked up a pencil... even I could tell that he was buying time to get himself together. He finally looked to me. I nodded.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Our School Board, friends, family, our community, a few weeks ago, a young man approached me about an idea that is important to him and our youth, both here and elsewhere, but since elsewhere is not this board meeting, for now, this applies to us. He astutely stated that we should be going forward so that we don't get stuck in the proverbial rut of what we often call 'normalcy'. He pointed out that we are and can continue to be 'normal', as I think we all are... we represent this community, and well, that means we're normal. As a parent myself, as a school administrator, as a counselor, although I balked at his proposal, I'm now onboard, and I will be supportive, in fact, should this proposal go forward, then I will be a sponsor. James, if you would like to come forward to present your idea, then now is the time."
I swallowed hard.
The time had come. It was now or never.
Rocky, sitting on the other side of our group, leaned forward, winked and nodded. He stood up first, which prompted me to stand, too. Together, side by side, we walked to the podium, looked out over the group of people sitting in front of us... my knees got shaky, but then, much to my surprise, Rocky turned the microphone toward his mouth, and...
"Good evening. My name is Rocky McBride. I go to school in this district. I was born and raised here. This is my home. And it is your home, too. I'm scared. I'm scared that you will withdraw your support... after you've given so much to my family, and you know why, so I'm not going to go into that. Anyway, I became good friends with a boy who goes to our school. He's opening my mind up to the rest of the world, so that I see the good in it, instead of always looking for the bad. I love him for that. But, I'm not only scared for me and my family, but I'm afraid for his, too. As I've found out over the past few days, today in particular, we're not alone with how we think, feel and act toward ourselves and others, and what we know as our truth."
We were behind the lectern, which came to the level of our upper chests... I had Rocky's hand in mine... his were wet, surely from nervousness and uncertainty.
When he stopped speaking, perhaps he was only catching a breath of air; I turned the mic toward me, and said, while squeezing Rocky's hand affectionately and reassuringly "My idea is that our school form a Gay Student Alliance, in short known as GSA. GSA is an organization that brings not only gay people together, it joins the non-gay population, too. What I'm really saying is that I am gay. It's something that I can't change. I can only, and have only just accepted myself for whom and what I am. The truth be told, I am no different than anyone else on this planet. Sure, I had a screwed up life before moving here with my new family, but this did not cause me to change, to become gay. This is true for all of us... we are who we are... and it really doesn't matter who or how we love, does it?"
Rocky took a deep breath; he continued, "I'm, uhm, I'm... gay... too. Yes, I'm gay. I like boys, not girls, uhm, 'that way'... I like girls, they're fun, and, well, yes, they can be sexy, too... now you know more about me than I knew about myself just a few days ago..."
The audience laughed, then they got quiet again.
I continued, "Yeah, I guess... I don't really know too many people around here – yet... but I'm learning, and I'm getting friends... if it comes down to it... then I'll be the way I'm expected to be... but it won't be easy... you see, I can't change something that deep down inside... I just can't."
A question came from the audience, an older lady, vaguely I recalled seeing her before... oh, it was the lady down at the Fast Stop, "How much is this going to cost the district?"
Another person, this time a man, spoke up, rather loudly, "This is not a matter of cost, Winifred. We're talking about our youth, kids you will be taking care of you when we're old and gray..."
"Well, I never..." She smiled, then said, "Put that way... so long as there is no cost to our already strapped budget, then count me in."
Several affirmative nods were seen in the audience, and then everything changed, when two women, two kids about 11 years old, stood up, reached down, and then brandished big, blow up, fucking balloons that screamed
GOD HATES FAGS!
HOMOSEXUALS – BURN IN HELL!
GOD BLESS AMERICA FOR KILLING OUR TROOPS!
They then began chanting their hate and venom, telling us, telling the board, and everyone else in the room that they were surely going to hell, and would burn forever!
Hastily, Dad came to the podium, as did several other men, big men. They presented a shield to protect us from those screaming 'idiots'. Then it quieted down. A door closed. The room was, now, completely devoid of any sound. Dad put his arm around my shoulders. He did the same for Rocky. I was scared shitless... "What happened?" I asked Dad, in no more than a whisper.
Using normal conversational voice, he said, "They're gone. We can't keep them out of a board meeting because it's public. They have their right to free speech, just as does anyone else in America... but, let's just say that they're being detained until the sheriff can get here and sort things out."
"Dad, they can't say that stuff... God loves us, right? No matter what..."
"That's right. You are loved. I'm a Christian man, but I sure do hate to see what God has in store for those people who spread hate like that. That's not what life is about... love is the answer. If a person can't love, then that's their problem, not ours. Let's hurry this up..."
Little did Dad realize, the microphone was still on. The group heard everything he'd said...
A man's voice, from way back in the room, said, "I motion that our school permit and support a GSA group for our kids so that they can be upstanding, helpful, loving and supporting adults when they grow up."
The Secretary of the meeting, stated, loudly, "This is out of order. This meeting is..."
Another woman's voice, the same woman who brought up the cost issue, stated, "All in favor..."
The room applauded loudly, then it died off when the Secretary brought order to the room. He then said, "This is totally out of order... this has to go through the process..."
Dad spoke up, "Harry, this room elected you to this prestigious position. You serve the town. You do not own it. My suggestion, and it is only a suggestion, is for you to accept the Aye vote... the next thing would be for you to ask for those opposed, and then let it be. I'm not telling you how to do your job; I'm just suggesting that you let this community decide for itself. That's all."
"Mr. Richardson, thank you for spelling out my responsibilities. You are at least partially correct with what is best for our community; however, we still have decorum to uphold. The board has heard the community voice, however, to maintain order, the Board will vote during closed session, as is usual for any big decisions... give us the opportunity to discuss this. This issue will require funding. We must locate resources in order to pay our teachers, who are already overworked and underpaid, if I do say so myself... strike this... oh my..."
The audience roared at the gaff. The poor Secretary's mouth was going up and down, much like a fish does when it's out of water, trying to get oxygen, trying to maintain life.
Then, when Mr. Meigs said, "Mr. Secretary, the Board, Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, I will sponsor this group, at no cost to the district."
Three other teachers stood and offered to support and sponsor our group, too.
Contrary to objections from a few people, the board members went into a closed room... Dad said that closed door sessions are permitted under the Open Meeting statutes, but only for certain issues; this was just one of them.
No sooner, had Rocky and I, and the other kids, just like us, had returned from getting soda pops than the board members filed out of the little room. The Secretary got everyone's attention. One of the board members walked out of the big room, then, at the doorway, proclaimed, "Rot in hell, you Sons of Satan", then she stormed out.
The room, quiet to that point, turned and looked toward Mr. Secretary... he didn't look so good; in fact, his color had turned somewhat ashen. The room came to life... lots of indecipherable murmurs, lots of chit-chat, and even a laugh or two was heard.
My nerves were getting to me... if I hadn't just drained my bladder, surely a puddle would have formed at my feet.
"Order in the room, please. May I have your attention?" The Secretary stated, professionally.
The room quieted. He continued, "The Board has reached its decision. The community has spoken. We are bound to honor the wishes of our community, so, therefore, the motion is carried. Meeting adjourned. Good night."
Rocky and I both looked at each other. He shrugged his shoulders... I looked to Mom. She was smiling, then she nodded and said, "The motion passed. They will probably want you boys to head this group up... with adult supervision, of course."
"You mean, we get to have our GSA? But what about them?"
"Don't worry about them... we live in a loving and supporting community. Their hate is not welcome, here. We do not live in hate." Dad said, as seriously as I'd ever heard him.
Some people left the meeting without saying anything. Others opened their arms. Only two people said anything against the organization... but, they left without really saying anything.
Stacy walked over, took me aside, looked into my eyes, and without warning crushed me into a hug. With tears in her eyes, she said, brokenly, "Thank you for opening the door for US... you're okay."
*** The End ***
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