The Light

By and © Joe Writer Man

Chapter 16

I awoke at 7:20 the following morning feeling very well rested. Without waking anyone, I got out of bed, grabbed my crutches and headed off to the bathroom for a good morning piss, to brush my teeth, and to wash the sleep out of my eyes. Everybody was still asleep when I returned so I took off downstairs where I poured me a glass of orange juice then went out to the pool and swam several laps to keep myself in shape. Done with the laps, I sat on the steps then performed some repetitive isometrics to my legs, hips and butt. Shortly after I began, Jeremy came out, sans clothing, sat down beside me, then smiling said "Morning bro" then without warning turned my face to him and gave me a quick brotherly type kiss on the lips.

"Sheesh. What's that all about bro?" I asked grinning.

"What? You aren't used to being kissed by another guy?" Jeremy asked giggling.

"Only my boyfriend, he's not just any other guy, bro." I said then kissed him back, "Cept for my bro once in a while."

Jeremy smiled his approval then took off and swam several laps of his own returning a few minutes later.

"You okay, bro?" I asked him as he settled back down onto the steps next to me.

"I'm good."

"For real?"

"Yeah, for real." Jeremy said while appearing deep in thought then added "David, I had a dream last night. It was a really good one. Normally I don't remember them but this one was clear and unmistakable, I still remember it vividly. I've never had one like it before. Everything feels okay this morning. God only knows what else that guy might have done to you, maybe even Peter too, or any of us for that matter."

"Did mom come to you?" I whispered quietly into Jeremy's ear.

"Mmm hmm. She did."

"She came when I was the sickest during my cancer treatment. At one time, I wanted to fucking die. I really, really wanted to. When she came to me, she said that everything would be okay and that good things were on the horizon, that I just needed to stick around for them to happen."

"You changed. I didn't know the extent of your pain, you kept it all inside, and I, well, was really worried about you, bro."

"You remember when mom was at the end? Wasn't it the morning of the day that she passed when she told us her time here was just about up but that she would be with us in spirit?"

"Uhm hmm, I remember what she said well." Jeremy said smiling.

"Well, bro, should we go in and fix breakfast for the family like we used to do?"

Jeremy nodded then we got up, dried off and went into the kitchen where we fixed a huge breakfast and it did not take too long for the smells of frying bacon to wake everyone up and come trapsing downstairs.

After devouring a wonderfully delicious breakfast, everybody pitched in on cleanup which was, in short order, complete. Dad said he had some work to do so he excused himself and left for his office to get it done. Jeremy took off to rearrange the junk in his room from one place to another, calling it 'cleaning my room'. We chuckled knowing what he does during his periodic 'cleaning' modes. Likewise, Peter and I went and did the same however we actually cleaned and did a couple loads of laundry.

While Peter was away loading up the washing machine, I got into the packages of underwear the manager at the underwear store had given us and began sorting them and putting them away. I held back two pair of string bikinis that I imagined would look exceptionally hot on him. After all we had to make sure they fit, right?

When I heard Peter walking down the hall towards our room, I quickly gathered the two pair selected and put the crotch areas in my mouth and let the strings hang onto my chin.

He entered then got this really shocked look on his face then he broke out in giggles that were infectious. He walked over then we kissed, somehow. When we came up for air, I said while putting on my best puppy dog face, "The only problem with these is that one or both of them do not yet have your aroma... ya need to something about it there Mr. Sexy."

It worked. Quickly, he took them from me then, with some difficulty because I was reaching for his maleness with one hand and his ass with the other... nevertheless he got them, and oh my God, he looked so fuckin hot that I exclaimed, "Whoa, those are hot, hot, hot! Check it out."

Peter walked over to the full length mirror, giggled at his tent pole sticking straight out then turned around to see the piece string that was deeply embedded between his cheeks. He asked, "Do you really think so?"

"Oh yeah. For sure. Definitely, for sure. Come here sexy man." I asked, then thought 'screw that', grabbed my crutches and then quickly closed the distance between us then pulled him in, kissed him seductively while using my hands to trail the skimpy, bead like straps across his fine buns on around until I reached my hand into the tiny little patch somewhat holding in his junk then began massaging the prize inside then added when he was at full staff and moaning slightly, "Hmm, they seem to be holding their shape pretty well, even under duress."

When I felt him start to undulate his hips with more urgency, I said "Not yet" then let go of his privates.

"What?????" Peter yelped.

"Just hold... let's try something out first." I said grinning.

"I'm so close, David. And this isn't even funny." Peter said in exasperation. He definitely had a wet spot showing. Amidst his angst he got this seriously ornery look on his face then grabbed my jewels, stroked a few times and added, "Now what's so funny, huh?"

To make matters worse, he turned around and began rubbing my dick up and down and through his natural lower cheeks. Leading me with my dick, we walked over to the bed where we plunked down... and in one feld swoop I raised his legs up just enough so that I could get between them then began lapping hungrily at anything in sight... and then some more. When I moved my head down to begin an attack on his rose petals, he quickly grabbed hold of my ears and positioned his cock back in my mouth... taking that as a hint, I lapped then engulfed his pride and joy utterly and completely then went for home plate taking every single millimeter of his fully elongated pleasure stick into my warm and moist cavern. It was more than he could take, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" he screamed in ecstasy as his hot molten offering blasted down my throat.

When the initial blast and the aftershocks ceased, without saying a word, he grabbed the bottle of body lotion, squeezed some out on his fingers then reached down and began working his favorite place for my residence. First one finger, then two, then three. I leaned over so that he could rub the rest on my now raging bone in preparation for some serious one-on-one bonding time.

Without another word, he positioned himself atop my straining love muscle then worked it so that I was impaling him to the hilt. Soon we were wildly making love... that's what we were doing... we were really, really, really making love... finally, I could take no more of the slow stuff so I grabbed his hips and began slamming my dick home into his hot and spasming anal orifice, which on the seventh or eighth thrust caused my dick to explode torrents of steaming hot love juices into his depths.

When the cascading avalanche of spermies ceased, we both collapsed for a moment before I got a kewl idea... I reached around my love mate and scooped my hand through his crack retrieving ample lubrication fluid then after urging him off of me, I dipped the creamy goo into my own anal orifice... when I was sufficiently ready, I raised my legs up and out widely... Peter's a pretty smart cookie ya know. Without a moments' hesitation or further invitation he stuffed my love tunnel with his beautiful prong and went to pounding me without mercy until he too got lost in his moments of release. Just as he was returning to earth a knock on the door returned us to the 'here and present'... "Yah?" I said weakly.

"Get a shower boys, get dressed, Ella's here." Dad said loudly through our closed bedroom door.

After one more little chaste kiss we got up after cleaning ourselves up as good as we could using whatever we could find then took off for the shower where we quickly washed up, combed our hair out and brushed our teeth. We then headed back into the bedroom where we got dressed and I put my Leg on then we went downstairs.

When everybody got downstairs, Ella and dad were sitting at the dining room table. It had belonged to our grandparents' grandparents... it was where all significant conversations took place in our family for as long as I could remember.

"Boys, Peter, a slight complication has arisen that needs our attention before the adoption can proceed." Ella said professionally.

"I thought everything was kewl..." I said trailing off with trepidation in my voice.

Peter looked worried, his shoulders sagged noticeably. I softly put my hand on his forearm and squeezed lightly to comfort him.

"Son, its better that we get this straightened out now, if we can, before we get to court tomorrow. As David said, we love you and will go to all ends of the earth to protect you, but we cannot protect you from something you need to be protected from if we don't know what it is." Dad said softly.

Ella put her hand in a protective manner on Peter's wrist then said "Peter, I know what's bothering you. We found it during a Home Study background check. It would be better for you to tell your New Dad and New Brothers now instead of them having to hear it from a third party. This is not a show stopping event but there are some things we have to do before the adoption can move forward. Don't be afraid, Peter. I truly believe that this family is the best one that you could possibly have, ever, so don't mess this opportunity up by holding back the information that they need to know now. We're all here to help in any way we can."

**************

Peter's POV

I looked to David then turned my attentions to dad. Dad's brief look of disappointment soon turned into concern. I remembered the incident we had had up in the bathroom where I was terrified that he's beat me for what David and I did in the pool. I relaxed knowing that he wouldn't get pissed. During that incident, I learned that trust is a two way street, that trust is earned and that this family, my family really does love me. They already know pretty much how I lived much of my life prior to coming here ...

"Okay." I said then looked into David's eyes first. David had nothing but love in his eyes, yet he also had faint tension and worry lines in the corners of them. Dad's eyes had a gentle, and yes, even a knowing look. He nodded.

Jeremy smiled then said "Hey, bro, remember what we talked about... we're in this together, count on it."

"May I have permission to speak freely?" I asked.

"Of course, Peter. Your story is your story. Everybody has one, it's how we got to where we are today and then guides us in the choices we make for tomorrow." Dad said.

I nodded.

"Daddy, can you set up the laptop because there are some things I have to show you?"

"Let's move to the TV room then. We have everything we need there. If we don't, then just let me know and we'll hook it in. Okay?" Dad replied.

Everybody agreed, besides the room is much more comfortable because this might take a while.

David sat next to me on one side and Dad sat on my other side. Dad put his arm around my shoulders. David held my hand.

"We had always lived on the streets or in subhuman shacks on or near the beaches of Oahu. Mom waited tables all day and most evenings for as long as I can remember. We ate, though I ate leftovers from her shifts. She ate meals at the bar or restaurants where she worked anyway to my knowledge she did."

"The last restaurant she worked at was different. Her boss, everybody called him 'The Boss'. Anyway he paid a lot of attention to me and her. Mom called it love. At first, I felt kinda safe with him. He fed me good, read stories to me at bedtime and other times too, made sure I had good clothes, hugged a lot and took me to school on the mornings when mom was too hung over or strung out on alcohol and drugs, or if she had gotten beat up too bad to move, or whatever. He always had a camera along and many times told me I would one day be a movie star."

"How old were you then, Peter?" Ella asked.

"Uhm, I don't know for sure. I was little kid though."

"Okay. Sorry to have interrupted you, Peter." Ella said, while making notes on her PDA.

"S-okay."

"Sometimes he would bring us over here on a private jet to spend a lot of time down here, down by the lava flows and that general area. We always had a good time. I thought maybe mom and he would get together and get married. His name was actually Bart but everybody called him Bo or The Boss."

"Being a little kid with all the freedoms down there and with my propensity of being a naturist back then, most often we would go to the naturist beaches. I started noticing he would carry along his camera and tripod. Mom and he would get into arguments about that, but after a short time mom stopped protesting and the arguments stopped, or did not happen too often when I was around. He told me I was very photogenic and kept reiterating that someday I would be a movie star."

"We lived with him for 3 or 4 years. I think I was 12 when mom and I no longer lived with him, but we all spent weekends together. Mom started 'working' another job that required lots of people at wherever it was that we were staying. I asked mom one day what she was doing and she just told me it was a consulting business and not to ask questions. She would smack me good when I would go to those people and talk to them or when I asked why they were there at our place."

"After some while, I spent weekends with Bo without my mom. We played out in the ocean mainly. He fed me and took good care of me. Out on the beaches, he always took his camera, he would snap picture after picture. He said I would be a box-office smash hit at the ticket counters one day. He was always smiling, kind of a droopy smile although it seemed real. I was happy with him, whereas I was not too happy around mom. She was always stressing out about everything, it seemed. There were time when she took it out on me. She'd write excuses so I didn't have to go to school. On those nights when mom wasn't there, Bo and I slept together. Nothing happened for a long time. I think I was 12, maybe I was 13, I don't remember exactly, when our relationship changed, not bad but good - well, maybe it was good... I get a little confused sometimes about it. It all changed was when I woke up and had to go pee in the middle of the night. When I went to the bathroom, I noticed this liquid stuff all over my penis and thighs."

"Backtrack a bit, sorry. When I first woke up he had his hand on my private areas, he was asleep or at least he appeared to be asleep. Anyway, when I went back to bed, I cuddled into him as was the case most of the time and I found that liquid stuff on him and the sheets too. I didn't think much of it. I just thought it was weird that we would pee the bed. Anyway, when I went to the bathroom, no pee came out and soon the need to pee, the feeling that I did went away. Weird."

"Another night, shortly after that, I woke up and found that gooey shit on my back and butt. Another night, I awoke and his dick was between my uhm <Ella nodded for me to continue>... well his thing was between my butt cheeks, sorry. He was still asleep but he was moaning and pushing into me. I pulled his dick out of there. That just seemed to be totally weird. But I didn't say anything because I didn't want mom to get pissed off, or Bo either for that matter, I didn't want to get him pissed because he had quite a temper, though he never used it on or against me."

"One day I asked him what that stuff was. He told me all about spermies, how we start making them when we start developing our sex glands, and how our bodies have to get them 'out' someway. The school I was attending on Oahu taught us something like that, so I didn't question him."

"In any event, I started getting kind of embarrassed when we'd go down to the beach, when he had that camera and tripod with him and was taking pictures, more pictures than usual, it seemed. He also started taking pictures of me on the overhanging patio we had. One evening when I thought he had gone to bed, I was just sitting out there. I had an, uhm, well ... well, I had an erection that would not go away, and it was hurting some. I went in the house to take a shower. I thought a shower seemed like a good idea. Maybe the water would take it down, but it didn't. If anything, the pain seemed to be worse. Not really pain, I guess. It was just uncomfortable."

"I looked for Bo and found him in his office. When I went in, he acted all nervous and stuff. He quickly turned the monitor away so that I wouldn't see what was on there. His eyes locked on my dick, and I swear his eyes bugged out of his head. Recovering quickly, he asked what I wanted. Take a-back, I just asked him why my dick hurt. I asked him because he seemed real knowledgeable and had answered other questions I had had before."

"He told me that I would probably be making a wet dream that night, but if I wanted him to he could show me a different way so that I would not mess the sheets up, and would not have to get up in the middle of the night to change them. Not feeling real comfortable with the idea, I went ahead and said okay, mainly because he hated to have his sleep 'interrupted' by such things that could be taken care of beforehand."

David looked at me and nodded. Jeremy had a look on his face that I could not read. Dad nodded and squeezed my shoulder. Ella was looking between me and the PDA as she continued to jot down notes every once in a while.

"Anyway, Bo taught me how to jack it off; I mean masturbate, in his office on the couch that day. He also taught me how to, ehem, uh, <nod from dad and a squeeze of my shoulder>, I mean .... How to suck dick. Most often he sucked mine. Thankfully I did not have to suck his very much because his was gross, all fat and ugly. We always did it in his office. Usually he would suck me while I was lying on his desk. I always found that weird, but my privates thought differently."

I took in a deep breath and looked around the room. Jeremy looked like, the TV room was kind of dark, but I could tell that his eyes were totally on mine and they were not casting judgment nor casting blame, it was almost like there was an understanding in them. They were comforting.

David left my side, only to get down on his knees and look up in my eyes with each of his arms on one of my thighs. He kissed my thighs, one following the other, then gazed back up and nodded.

"This is really hard. It's hard to tell you this part."

Dad nodded. David came up and kissed me on the lips then returned to his knees and squeezed my thighs. Jeremy nodded.

"I'm ashamed to admit it, but I liked him sucking me. It felt really good. I didn't feel it was bad, I just thought it was just kind of weird."

"That's not unusual, Peter." Ella said then added "Our sex organs really don't know the difference sometimes. Go ahead, we're listening."

Dad squeezed my shoulder. Jeremy nodded. David smiled then nodded his approval to continue.

"Over the next few weeks, he started touching my... uhm... <I pointed to my back side>, he'd touch my butt. He'd pull my cheeks apart with his thumbs then while he was sucking my dick he would tongue my balls all over and lick my anus, which drove me over the top. That I thought was totally weird, and disgusting at the same time. That stopped all of a sudden one day when I passed some air. I mean I was wide open and it just happened. The problem was however the puff of air was not all by itself ... if you know what I mean."

"Please don't say anything. Bo reacted by slamming his fists into my butt cheeks and threw me off of the desk head over heels. I landed on my head and the lights went out, I don't know for how long. I awoke all alone in that room and every bone in my body hurt. I had also shit myself and the carpet beneath me, I was laying in it. I went to the bathroom, finished what was not finished, then took a shower and came back to his office with wet towels and cleaning solutions to clean everything up. I figured if I cleaned it up, then he wouldn't be angry at me, and we could just push this aside as if it had never happened."

"Your body was relaxed, there was nothing you could have done differently, Peter." Ella said quietly, then after a moment for me to look for words to say but couldn't, she added, "When the body is unconscious or the anus and rectum are relaxed like that through physical means, well that state of total relaxation causes our bodies to eliminate that which needs eliminating. It's just a fact of life. You don't now need to be ashamed of what your body does naturally. Has this ever happened with you and David?"

I shook my head no. "Uhm, we make sure we 'go' .... First, I mean, you know." I felt this tremendous heat rise from my face, clear down to my toes. David nodded, equally hot with his own blush.

"Okay boys, we can talk about that at another time, soon. Cleanliness both inside and outside are keywords with any kind of anal-oral ministrations. Why don't you go ahead, Peter, we can talk about this later in a setting where you guys are not soo embarrassed." Dad said gently.

"Anyway, when I got finished cleaning, I stood up and noticed that the computer in his office was booted up and had a picture on the screen which appeared to be me lying on the floor. At the same time, I heard footsteps coming down the hall that sounded like Bo's. I quickly gathered up the cleaning stuff and met him in the hallway. I told him I was very sorry, and that everything happened accidentally, and to please not be mad at me, that I loved him. Instead of being pissed off, he took me in his arms and kissed me firmly on the mouth then said it was okay and that he would teach me how to not make that happen again."

David laid his head down on my thigh, shook his head and sighed, then returned his eyes to mine and then nodded for me to continue.

"He'd never kissed me, not on the mouth anyway. We didn't do anything for several days after that. He even let me at least wear underwear. While he treated me well, he never did apologize for knocking the shit out of me that one day. Oh crap, I didn't mean it that way." I said mortified.

Everybody else thought it was funny though. Soon I was laughing at the unintended pun. Dad squeezed my shoulder and said "Welcome to the land of foot and mouth disease, son. How about we break here for a few minutes and refill our drinks."

Everybody approved.

David and I filled our drinks then we went out to the pool area where we embraced and kissed for a while. He told me how much he loved me, and would always love me, and that it was nonnegotiable.

We all returned to the TV room and to our positions in the room, except David sat down next to me with his hand on my thigh.

"Over the next several days, we did some painting and hung some new wallpaper in the bedrooms, bathroom and his office. Then we hung these little raised flower like things just above the crease between the paneling and painted areas. I thought they were different because they had tiny copper looking wires that came out of their backs, but I soon dismissed it as no big deal, I just thought they helped to keep them on the wall. The neat thing about them was that they glowed very lightly. We also did some work outside and hung up some really neat track type lighting for our deck area."

I felt dad's arm tense up a little then he quickly pulled me into a hug, kissed me on the top of my head, released the squeeze and gave my shoulder a light scratching motion.

"When we finished that job one early afternoon, we went down to the beach and had a wonderful time. When we went back to his crib, I took a shower and decided to stay all natural, or naked. We fixed steaks on the grill that night, along with all of the trimmings and had a feast. Soon after dinner, I got really sleepy, and just attributed it to all of the great food and papaya juice."

"I asked him to be excused but found it difficult to get up because I was so tired. We worked hard that morning and played real hard that afternoon Bo said. He helped me to the bathroom where I peed and washed my face and hands.

He then left the room saying he would be right back. When he returned a few minutes later, he had a package in his hand. He asked me if I needed to go #2, and when I said I might, he sat me down on the throne."

"After a few minutes of no results, he got into the package and said that sometimes teen-aged boys get constipated, that it is just a part of the deal of growing up. He pulled his thing out that looked like a measuring cup, but it had a tube coming out of it. He filled it with warm water, lubed up the end of it with Vaseline and sat me back down on the commode. I asked him what he was going to do with it. He replied that it would help me go and to just relax while he slid it into me, released the water, and when he removed it he told me to hold it for as long as I could. When I could no longer hold it, well, nature took over and appropriate deposits to the sewer system were accomplished. He cleaned me up and gave me a shower then took me to his bedroom, he said it was because I was so tired and he was concerned about me."

"They gave me one of those enema things when I was in the hospital. I was blocked up from all the pain medication, the nurses told me. The first one coming out hurt like hell, but then the rest were okay." David offered.

"Anyway, Bo took me to bed and tucked me in. He got in on the other side and pulled me into a cuddle where his front spooned into my backside. We'd done that many times before. Feeling safe, I immediately went to sleep. Don't know how long it was after I had gone to sleep, but I awoke with a start because I had a major fullness in my ass. Not painful. Just a feeling of fullness as if I needed to take a crap again. As I started to get up and hit the bathroom, Bo harshly pulled me back onto the bed and I felt that fullness leave. Bo swore a couple of times and reached for a towel and wiped his hands off. I slept the rest of the night without any further problems, except in the morning when that gooey shit was all over my back and butt again. I too had it all over my front."

"He told me to go take my shower, and that he would be in shortly. We had taken showers before. His shower has 3 heads and it's huge. When he came back, he got in, came over and wetted himself down using my shower head, which I found odd. He soaped me up, which was new for us because while we often took showers before, we had washed up separately. His washing me felt really good though. His washing was not fast, and it was not slow, it just felt good. By the time he got down to my private areas, I was hard as a rock and knew that I needed to release soon. When I started to tense up towards that moment of no return, he squeezed my dick real hard. It hurt. He told me to wait, that I would blow the end of my dick off with a mind shattering cum if I would just wait. He let go of me and turned the water to real cool but not ice cold. It worked."

"He finished washing my legs, my balls and now that my dick had relaxed some, he washed it. He then turned me around, gave me a light kiss on the mouth and said his turn. I washed him all over. He rinsed then told me he would finish me up. I protested a bit by telling him I was done then he reminded me we had not washed my butt. Reluctantly, I turned around to do it myself, but he pulled the bar of soap out of my hand and started doing it himself. When he got to my butthole and started washing it, I was once again hard as a missile, only he did not leave my butt alone. He pulled into me and then I felt his dick up against my hole and he was pushing, and pushing hard. When I felt his dickhead pop that outer place that apparently keeps other things from coming out, I fought back by landing an elbow into his gut and pulling away from him, then slammed his head into the shower wall. He went down on the floor and did not move. I gave him a powerful kick to his chest and got the hell out of there, in fact I got the hell out of that house because I realized why I had felt full that one night I told you about. I packed up basically all of my possessions and then left."

"I hitchhiked into town, caught a shuttle to the airport and purchased a one-way ticket to Oahu using the debit card I had been given by him."

"When I got 'home', I went looking for my mom but couldn't find her. I slept in the park at night then spent my days looking for her."

"Finally, I found her in a dive joint hustling tables to what I had thought were paying customers ... but soon learned they were drug dealers and pimps. Mom looked all crazed and shit, like she had been out on the town for several nights since her last shower and putting on of any makeup."

"She led me back into the 'kitchen' area, which smelled like some kind of chemical factory and started slapping the shit out of me and saying over and over again that I had killed Bo, and that the cops were looking for me. She shoved me into a corner and told me not to fucking leave. She had a spot up in Tent City on the north shore, which she took me to that night. She told me to stay there and to lay low, and that I should leave if any cops come snooping around. So, I spent most days just hanging around the beach. Since I had no swimsuit, and was wearing jeans with no underwear, swimming the surf was out of the question."

"While I was there, I met this guy named Rascal who was probably a couple of years older than me. We kind of became friends, started hanging together and hustled for something to eat at some of the shops down on the strip then we'd return to camp later that evening. We did this for several days, but sometimes he would just leave me on the beach down there and hook up with someone and be gone for a couple of hours."

"One day, while doing our usual thing, he returned from one of his 'out periods', showed me a wad of cash ... and well, we went shopping."

"We rented a hotel room, took a nice hot shower, separately, and stayed the night there. We went to the hotels' souvenir shop where he bought me a pair of boardies so I could go surfing and swimming. We also purchased a lot of non-perishable junk food and returned to camp. He never tried to do any shit to me, but was not opposed to me sucking him off for something he did especially nice for me ... like bringing back ice cream, popsicles and Gatorade when I was sick with sore throats and shit."

"When we returned, mom was frantically looking for me. When she found me, or I found her, I'm not sure which happened first, probably mom found me because I was no longer looking for her. If that makes any sense ..."

"She angrily grabbed my hair and told me we were going back to the Main Island with this dude who had taken a liking to her, and was not opposed to her having a son so long as he was not a pain in the ass. Since I was showered, we headed out right then and there for the airport where we caught a commuter back here. A limo picked us up and took us to this way too fuckin expensive palace type joint where mom and he called home. She lied. We did not go to the Mainland... she did, but I didn't I mean."

"I'm going to get sick... excuse me." I said then hurried into the bathroom, got my pants down in the nick of time..."