It had been hard to tell David about The Messenger and what happened between Ben and me. Telling him the story had taken longer than I had expected. I wound up spreading the story out over several nights. I wouldn't answer any of David's questions, however, until I'd finished the story.
During the days, David showed me around L.A. We toured the sights, worked out at his gym, ate dinner at some excellent restaurants, and we went to the theater. He even took me to his office and introduced me as his boyfriend. Each night, we made love, and then I would tell him the next part of the story.
The night I finished, I felt relieved. I didn't want to relive anymore experiences from my high school days. I wanted to move on – with David.
"May I ask a few questions now?" David said.
"Since you've been so patient, sure," I replied. "I'll tell you anything you want to know."
"Do you still think I manipulated and betrayed you back at Joliet?" he asked.
"No," I told him. "We were really young, and my heart was broken. I wasn't able to see things clearly. I know you loved me. I know you were trying to protect me. That last night we were together was amazing, and it was one of the best nights of my life. Looking back, I would have done only one thing differently had I known we'd be separated the next day. I would have stopped you from going home, and I would have made love with you all night."
David pulled me close to him. "I've never stopped loving you, Joel. I never want to manipulate or betray you – ever. And, I'll make love with you 'all night,' anytime you want."
"Promise?" I asked.
"With all my heart," he said.
I laid my head on his chest, and I felt so much love and intimacy with David.
"Any more questions?" I asked.
"Well, I was wondering what happened to Corey Anderson," David said.
"I heard that he did recover," I said. "Sara told me he never came back to Joliet. He and his family moved to Ann Arbor so he could continue outpatient treatments at the U. of M. hospital. Sara said he has no memory of the day of the crash."
"I think Sara was right about Corey's accident," David said. "It wasn't your fault."
"Thanks," I said. "But, part of me will always feel guilty."
"Is it okay if I ask you about Ben?" David said.
I nodded, and David asked, "I know you said it was just a crush, but did you love him?"
I had to think before answering. "No, I didn't," I finally said. "I just needed someone to care about me, and I wanted some attention and affection. Ben gave me those things - at least for a while. But, I think he only gave them to me because he needed me, and it was convenient for him at the time. At some level, I always knew I couldn't trust him. He had a bad temper, but he could be charming at times, too. I think he had a difficult time seeing things from other people's perspectives. He understood how characters felt from a theatrical point of view. But on a personal level, he mostly saw things his own way."
"Do you think Ben took advantage of you because you were so young?" David asked. "I mean, he was an adult. And, you were just 16."
"Of course, he was in the wrong," I answered. "Ben shouldn't have allowed himself to have a sexual relationship with a teenager – even though I had reached the age of consent in Michigan; even though we waited to have sex until his legal commitment to Joliet was technically over. But, I encouraged the relationship. I wanted it, probably more than he did. Ben would have stopped the whole thing if I had told him that was what I wanted. But, I didn't. Instead, I did everything I could to get him to want me."
"Do you think about him often?" David asked.
"Not really," I answered. "But, I still have that bottle of Aramis. You know how scents can bring back feelings and memories from the distant past? Sometimes, if I am tempted to make a bad decision, I open that bottle and take a whiff. Then, all my memories of Ben come rushing back. And even though that hurts, it helps strengthen my determination to make good choices. And then, I feel stronger – less vulnerable."
"I'm sorry I left you so vulnerable," David said.
"Some of it was a good thing," I said. "When I went to Lakeside, I started acting stronger, and I stopped showing so much emotion."
"I am stunned that you wound up at Lakeside," David said. "Wasn't that place too snobby for you?"
"Yeah, but I was trying to fit in there. I thought the Lakeside students were the kind of teenagers I was supposed to be," I told David. "I became just like them."
I wanted to wind up this conversation and move on. "So, what did you think of my story?" I said. "Tell me in just one sentence."
"Well," David said. "That's going to be a challenge, but I'll give it a try."
He paused for just a moment; then he began speaking.
"I really wasn't surprised that you were depressed and vulnerable after I left, but I was very surprised - and disturbed – that you became the 'boy toy' of a mercurial, but mostly bad tempered, theater director who used you, treated you like shit, and then screwed you on the cement floor of a basement storage room, driving you to become a closeted prep school snob who was ultimately rejected by the Ivy League college of his dreams."
David looked pleased with himself. "How was that?"
"Disturbingly good, despite the run-on sentence," I answered. "I might have expected a slightly more positive spin. After all, you are a public relations professional. But, I guess I got what I asked for."
"I had one more reaction to the story that I couldn't work into my one sentence. May I share that with you now?" David asked.
"Sure," I answered.
'This is kind of hard to say. And, I hope I don't offend you," David said. "But, I sort of think you may have enabled Ben to be abusive toward you. I heard you say that even if you knew Ben was taking his frustrations out on you, all would be forgiven if he offered up just a few kind words. And, when he said mean things to you, sometimes you would chastise yourself for speaking without thinking. Joel, you were much too forgiving. And, blaming yourself for any of his temper outbursts wasn't a healthy thing to do. It just let him off the hook, and it probably let him know that he could mistreat you and way get away with it."
I'd never thought about my relationship with Ben in the context that David suggested. "I need to think about that," I said. "But, you're probably right."
"Just promise me," David said. "Don't let anyone take advantage of you like that again. And, if I ever take my frustrations out on you, call me out for it."
"David, you'd never do that to me," I said. "And, even if you needed to let off a little steam and said some things you didn't mean, I'd want to help you - in any way that I could."
"That's exactly what I mean, Joel," David said. "You forgive too easily, and sometimes you let people take advantage of you. You know how to stand up for yourself. But, if you care about someone, you don't always choose to defend yourself. You always want to please people, and you expect yourself to be perfect. Joel, we are all less than perfect. And in the end, we can only try to do as well as we can, for all the people we can, for as long as we can. But, that never means you should tolerate someone's abuse."
"You're right. I get it," I said. "But there's one thing I don't get. How did I ever get so lucky as to find someone like you?"
"I'm the lucky one," David said. "You've agreed to be my boyfriend again. And, I couldn't be happier." David leaned over, and we enjoyed a soulful kiss.
When the kiss ended, I smiled at David. "I can't wait to hear some stories about you," I said. "And, by the way, you have to start tonight."
"Soon," David said. "But, not tonight. It's late, and we have to go to sleep. I have a surprise for you – and it begins tomorrow morning."
"What kind of surprise?" I asked.
"We're taking a road trip. You'll find out the rest tomorrow," David said. "For now, my cute 'boy toy,' it's time to get some shuteye."
"What should I wear?" I asked David the next morning as we were preparing to leave on the mystery trip he had planned for us.
"Jeans," David said. "And, I bought you a plaid shirt for later. It's hanging on the far right side in my closet."
I never wear plaid shirts, but I decided not to question David's plans. After all, I loved to do things that made him happy.
David called out to me from the bathroom. "And, bring anything you need for overnight. We won't be back here until tomorrow."
After some fresh fruit, eggs, and coffee for breakfast, we went down to the parking level about 11:00 o'clock that morning. David walked right past his Tesla, and he unlocked a red convertible parked next to his car. "We going farther than the Tesla can take us without recharging," David explained. "I rented the Mustang. I thought it would be fun." He put the Mustang's top down; we got in, and David headed for the freeway.
It was a warm, sunny day. It felt great to be out in the open air – heading for a surprise adventure with David.
We drove about six hours north into California's wine country. David had reserved a room for us at the local Marriot. When we got to the room, I started to unpack.
"Change into your plaid shirt," David said. "We're leaving right after dinner."
The drive north had been hot and windy. I wanted to freshen up before continuing on our adventure. "Do I have time for a shower?" I asked.
"Sure. That's an excellent idea. I'll take one too," David said.
"Want to join me? It could be more fun that way," I said.
"True," David answered. "But regrettably, I have to decline. I'm saving that kind of fun for later."
After dinner, we went back to the room and picked up our overnight bags. We got into the Mustang, and David drove north on a two-lane highway. Soon, he turned onto a dirt road. We passed several farm houses before David pulled into a driveway. He drove past a big, white house with a smaller house behind it. He stopped and parked the car by a large, red barn at the end of the long driveway.
"So, what do you think?" David asked. "Could this be the barn of your dreams?"
I broke out into a huge smile. "Yes! Absolutely!" I said. "Can we go in?"
"No," David said sarcastically. "I brought you all this way just so you could see a real barn from the passenger seat of a car."
"Okay, okay," I said. "I get it. It was a silly question. Let's go in and look around!"
"Not so fast," David said. "We're not quite ready. Let's get out of the car." When we were both outside, David opened the trunk of the Mustang. He pulled out two cowboy hats – one black and one white. "This is your night, so you can choose which hat you want." He handed both hats to me.
"Ah," I said. "So, I get to cast this production of my fantasy come to life. Well, let me see. Who will I decide is the good cowboy? And, which one of us should be the bad cowboy?"
I pretended to debate the casting decision in my mind, just to tease David. Then, I put on the white hat and handed him the black one.
"Yes!" David exclaimed. "I really wanted to be the bad guy!"
"I guess I'm guilty of type-casting," I said.
David put on his black hat and carefully adjusted it to a provocative slant. He took our overnight bags out of the trunk before closing it. Then, David set my bag down and opened his bag, taking out two bandanas. Putting down his bag, he handed me a blue bandana. "Hold on to that for a minute," he said. David tied the red bandana loosely around his neck. He carefully tied the blue bandana around my neck. I started to feel aroused by David's touch. Carrying both of our bags, he walked to the barn door, opened it and held it for me.
"Get a wiggle on, Wheel House," he said. "You're looking 'bout as fine as a steaming pot of cream gravy, and I'm as dreadful horny as a cowpoke in a whorehouse on nickel night!"
I found David's sexy 'cowboy talk' to be hilarious, and for a while, I couldn't stop laughing. Finally, I caught my breath and asked, "Did you come up with that on your own? Or, did you have one of your copywriters working overtime?"
With a big grin, David reached into his bag again. He pulled out a pamphlet and held it up for me to see. The book was titled, "How to Talk Like a Cowboy."
"I see how it is," I said. "You brought this city slicker out here in the boonies, figuring that your cowboy talk would make me shuck my clothes and let you have your way with me."
I knew my attempt at cowboy talk wasn't as funny as David's. It was, however, the best I could improvise on the spot.
We went into the barn, and David closed the door behind us. The inside of the barn became somewhat dark when the door was shut. There were, however, a few last rays of sunshine squeezing between the wooden slats of one wall. There was just enough light so that we could see to walk around safely.
It was just as I had imagined in my fantasies – horse stalls along one side, bales of hay stacked up, farm tools leaning against one wall, and a lantern hanging from a hook. And most importantly, there was a ladder going up to a hayloft.
"This is amazing!" I said to David. "It's perfect!" I looked around again. "No horses?"
"Not tonight," David said. Then, he looked concerned. "Is that okay? Were horses part of your fantasy?"
"No, no - not at all," I said. "This barn is perfect, and you're the only stallion I need to make my fantasies come true."
David looked relieved. "I'm so glad you like the barn," he said. "It's ours for the night - well, until 10:00 tomorrow morning. Guaranteed privacy until then. And, we can use 'the facilities' in the guest house."
"Let's go up to the hayloft," I said. "That's where the best parts of my fantasies always take place."
David smiled, and I saw a gleam in his eye. He grabbed a blanket that was hanging near the horse stalls, and he handed it to me. I placed it over my shoulder, and David picked up the overnight bags. I climbed the narrow ladder, and David followed me. Once we were in the loft, I spread the blanket out on the hay, and we sat down.
"This is so great!" I said. "When did you have time to arrange all this?"
"Well, it was my idea, of course. But, I had help in making it happen. We'll have to send my assistant a nice thank-you gift," David said. "He loves planning parties and coordinating special events."
We sat close to each other just looking around the barn and enjoying the atmosphere. I held David's arm and leaned my head on his shoulder. "This is wonderful," I said. "No one has ever done something this nice for me. I'll remember it always."
"Joel," David said. "What we have is almost unbelievable. I think we both know that there's magic whenever we're together. You've told me you'd do anything to make me happy. I want you to know that I will do the same for you. Tonight is just a sample of what I'll do for you. You make me so happy, and I'm totally in love with you."
I was so moved by David's profession of love that I felt like I might cry. I didn't want to do that, however. So, I simply said, "I'm totally in love with you, too." I kissed him as we both lay down on the blanket. Our hats came off, and I could feel the hay beneath me. I knew my fantasy was coming true – with David, the love of my life.
Lying there, with David's arms wrapped around me as we kissed in the hayloft, I felt almost like I had been transported into another dimension. It was as if the world had ceased to exist – except for the barn, the hayloft, David and me. What started out as gentle kisses of love grew more passionate. They became kisses of sexual excitement and desire.
We started to pull together tightly, and I heard the soft crackling of the hay as we moved around trying to merge our bodies. David's strength, his fit and masculine body, and his loving but demanding sexuality made me feel like I was his. And, I wanted to please my bad cowboy.
David and I looked into each other's eyes. He had a sexy smile on his face. "Now it's time for the fun," he said.
I started to undress him. David let me enjoy myself as I slowly took off his clothes. I left the red bandana tied around his neck. And, I waited to take off his low-cut briefs. He didn't try to take off any of my clothes just yet. I think he understood that stripping him bare was part of my fantasy.
I admired the tall, manly body stretched out before me, fully exposed except for the parts covered by his bandana and briefs. I kissed him and then spoke softly in his ear. "I love how you're making my fantasy come true tonight, but I haven't told you exactly what I've imagined. My fantasy is to drive a cowboy crazy – to drive you crazy – until you beg me to make you cum."
David's face lit up. "I've never had to beg before," he said. "But, it does sound kind of exciting. I'm in!"
"I'll be the one who decides when it's time for you to come in," I told him.
David assisted me as I started to remove his briefs. When he was completely naked from the chest down, I had to stop again and savor the scene - the rustic atmosphere of the barn, the sense of seclusion provided by the hayloft, and the drop-dead gorgeous man lying naked and aroused looking back at me with love and desire.
I ran my hands over his body and admired everything – out loud. I told him how much I adored his face with its classically handsome features. I told him how the kindness in his heart reflected beautifully in his soulful eyes. I explored his chest and waist while describing the muscular shape of each part of his perfect torso. I rubbed his feet and legs with both of my hands. "So masculine, so strong, so perfect," I said.
And then, I got to his genitals. I caressed both of his testicles, describing the large, egg-shaped orbs and how they make me lust for his body. I gently took hold of his cock. "Since I was 16," I said. "I have been fascinated by this cock. I love how long and thick it is. I love its perfect shape and the feel of the soft skin covering your mouthwatering, steel-like erection." I began to feel almost dizzy from my hunger and need for him.
I leaned over and kissed him passionately while lightly stroking his now throbbing cock. I pulled away and smiled at him as I moved down his body. I kissed all over his chest. David's nipples are extremely sensitive, so I lingered until he was moaning from the feeling of my lips and tongue circling and savoring his areola and hardened nipples.
I slowly kissed my way down while caressing his balls with one hand. His cock was fully erect, and I could resist no more. I lay my head right next to his manhood, and I watched as my hands held it, massaged it, and moved softly up and down on the long shaft. Then, I continued to play with him just using my fingers as I tried to drive him crazy with sensuous tingles. I noticed drops of pre-cum collecting on the head of his penis. It was time to move on.
Using both hands, I spread David's natural lubricant all around the head and shaft of his manhood. I took hold of it with a firm grip, and I stroked him for several minutes. Then, I put my tongue on the tip of his cock. I licked the head as if I were enjoying a Popsicle on a blistering hot afternoon. I began licking lower and lower until my tongue's long strokes were traveling up and down David's full-length.
David began squirming around on the blanket, and I knew I was driving him crazy. I decided I should stop teasing – for now. I took my tongue off of him. "You have a magnificent cock," I said.
I leaned over and took him fully in my mouth. At first, I opened my mouth wide and went down directly to the base of his shaft with as little contact as possible. I wrapped my lips and mouth tightly around him and moved up – slowly. I heard him react. "Oh, God." he moaned.
David's obvious pleasure inspired me to intensify my assault on his fabulous cock. I began sucking him with full pressure on each upward and each downward stroke. I took the bulging head back into my mouth and circled it like swirling water being sucked down a drain.
Soon, I was once again going up and down on David in a lustful and furious manner. Each time that I sensed his excitement was starting to build toward a crescendo, I backed off. Waiting for him regain control, I would fondle his thighs, hips, and abdomen for at least a full minute before slowly returning to the epicenter of his excitement. After several such episodes, I finally heard what I was waiting for David to say.
"Joel, I'm going crazy," he said. "I can't take it anymore. I've got to cum. I'm begging. Please make me cum!"
I took my mouth off of his cock and sat up. "You sure that's what you want, Cowboy?" I teased.
David looked desperate. "Please, Joel. I am begging – for real!" he panted.
With David's help, I took off my clothes, leaving my bandana still tied around my neck. "Did you bring any Gun Oil?" I asked.
Without speaking, David reached for his bag, opened it up, and pulled out the lubricant. "Hand it to me," I said. "And give me my hat." David quickly complied with both of my requests. I put on my white hat and then covered his manhood with the Gun Oil.
I put one leg over his torso so that I was straddling him and looking into his eyes. I leaned down and moved forward until I could feel his hard cock rubbing up against my ass. David and I both maneuvered into position, and I felt David push into me. I was transfixed by the view of David's beautiful face and his sexy upper body beneath me. And, I was overwhelmed by the sensations of his cock starting to fill me up. I thought I might reach orgasm right then and there.
As I started to ride him, I said, "Enjoy yourself, Cowboy. No need to hold back any longer."
I saw the relief on his face as he heard my permission to let go and cum whenever he was ready. He started to thrust up into me as I began to ride him as if he were a bucking bronco.
David took hold of my cock like it was the horn on a western saddle. He stroked me firmly as I straightened my back and savored the rhythmic movements of our sexual convergence. I could see the tip of my blue bandana bouncing up and down. I could feel the white cowboy hat shifting on my head as our movements became more intense.
Considering that only moments ago he had been begging me to make him cum, David lasted a long time in this new position for us. I experienced a glorious sense of elation as I looked around the hayloft and continued to ride him. The carnal indulgence of having David's huge cock pumping in and out of me, and the indescribable bliss of David's hand pumping my erection, were incredible! Truly, it was my fantasy come to life.
I watched David's face as it became apparent he was building up to a climactic eruption. "Come on, Cowboy," I said. "It's time for the fireworks."
And then, David pushed into me one final time and stopped. I felt him explode inside of me as I listened to him cry out in orgasmic ecstasy. The look on his face captured the essence of my cowboy sex fantasies, and that sent me over the edge. I shot my semen onto David's chest, hitting his red bandana.
A few moments later, we resumed our movements, slowly this time, as we tried to prolong the magical effects of a potion made of love, intimate contact, and mutual orgasmic bliss.
Finally, I let out a huge sigh of satisfaction and relief. Exhausted, I rolled off of David.
I stretched out next to him on the blanket in the hayloft. I put my head on his chest. My fantasy had come true, and I was physically and emotionally blown away. I felt more peaceful and content than at any other time I could remember.
"Was it as good as your fantasy?" David asked.
"Better!" I answered. "Absolutely amazing!"
"I liked it, too," David said. "Especially you riding me like that. We'll have to do that again!"
I stretched up and kissed him. "Anytime you want, Cowboy," I said.
"May I ask you something, Joel?" David said.
"Of course," I replied.
"Do you think it's possible for two people to stay this much in love for a lifetime?"
"If it's true love," I said. "I won't even try to define 'true love.' But, I think you know it when you have it. It's more than physical attraction and more than fantastic sex. It's more than affection and even more than having similar values and goals. It's an indescribable connection between two souls. I've known what 'true love' feels like since the day we met."
"You're talking about that first day in debate class?" David asked.
"Yea," I said. "From the moment you walked in the door and introduced yourself, a part of me knew you were the one."
"I was in love with you even before that," David said. "You gave a debate demonstration in my ninth grade English class. I couldn't take my eyes off of you, and you made me feel strange in the stomach. For the rest of that year, I looked for you wherever I went in the school. It made my day if I just saw you. And when I did, I'd go home and dream about what it would be like if we were friends. On the last day of school that year, you and I were leaving the building at the same time. You were with Jim Roberts, but you smiled at me and said, 'Have a great summer.' That was the first time you spoke to me directly, and I almost keeled over with excitement. That night, I decided to do everything I could to get onto the varsity debate team in the fall – just so I could try to become friends with you. I studied all summer, and it was the best investment of time I could have made."
"That's about the sweetest thing I've ever heard," I said. "I didn't know any of that. Had I known, we could have had the summer of every teenager's dreams!"
"Once, after I was in California," David said. "I tried to write you a letter and tell you how much I loved and missed you. But, I couldn't find the words, and I was scared that if I mailed a letter to you, your father would find out."
"I wrote you many letters over the years – in my head," I told David. "A few weeks after you left, I even wrote a poem – on paper - about my love for you and what it would be like if we were together again."
"Do you still have it?" David asked.
"Sadly, no," I said. "When I decided to go to Lakeside and change my life, I tore it up."
"Did you keep the poem you wrote for Ben – the one for that contest?"
"No," I said. "When I was finally done with The Messenger , I wanted Ben out of my life – and out of my head. Besides, the poem was silly. I mean really, a humorous birthday card verse sent from a gay, old geezer to a former boyfriend? Not exactly something that would make the best seller list at Hallmark. Besides, what I wrote was pretty bad. Even Ben told me it was garbage. Tearing up that poem was easy. Tearing up the poem I wrote about us was – well – that was painful."
David pulled me close and kissed my forehead. "I really love you, Joel," he said.
I looked up into his eyes. "I really love you too, David, and I always will."
The Poem That Joel Wrote for Ben
Baby Jane's Locker Poetry Contest
Category: Gay Greeting Card Verses - Humorous
First Place Prize - $100.00
Awarded to: Ben Califonte
To My College Boyfriend on His 80th Birthday
By Ben Califonte
To honor your birthday, I wrote you this ditty,
To wish you a day that is fun - and not shitty.
Getting old is no picnic, and I think it's a pity
That our shrunken old dicks now look itty-bitty.
So, just remember the days we were young, virile and gritty,
But wanted nothing to do with pussy or titty.
Like that great summer night that we drove to the city
For an orgy all night with Keith, Joey, and Smitty.
Though things at our age aren't looking so pretty,
Let's stay gay and alive, and may we always be - witty!
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