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Westpoint Tales

by Kiwi

Entangled Tales - 41 - Justin & Billy

All across the town various couples slept through the night. Peter Lewis slept, blissfully content, wrapped in the arms of his Big Guy, in one of the twin single beds in his room. Claire was asleep in Carl's bed. Lucas and Shelley were asleep together in his mother's car, parked down by the Shingle Beach. Jonathan had found another bed for the night - Claudette's - and they were happily sleeping there. Toddy lay alone but happy that his friend was happy. Jinks lay with a girl in his bed, for the first time ever. It would probably be the last time too!

Back at the Adelphi, things were not so good. Billy was awake but pretending not to be as he lay with his back to Justin. Justin knew that he was awake. He lay facing Billy but not daring to touch him. He would have liked to leave the room and go and find somewhere else to sleep, but he dared not - just in case Billy might relent and turn around seeking him.

But, he didn't, so they just lay there, wide-awake, waiting for sleep or the morning, whichever came sooner.

Billy had dropped another bombshell on him not long after they'd gone to bed. He was going home in the morning and Justin wasn't going with him. He needed some space, time out to think about what he wanted. They'd had a great little holiday, a lot of fun, but he still wasn't sure what he wanted. He didn't know if he wanted to commit to an exclusive, long-term relationship.

He knew that Justin loved him, and he did love him back, but maybe not in the same way. Justin might know who he was and what he wanted in life, but Billy didn't. Not really. Maybe he was just too young or something. Anyway, he needed some time at home with just his family. He'd be in touch, sometime, probably next week.

Justin had flared up and spat angry words at him, then was immediately tearful, fearful and apologetic. They'd made up, sort-of, but damage had been done. Now they just lay there, together but separate.

Justin woke in the morning light. He opened his eyes and looked at Billy's back. He lay there for a minute quietly thinking. Would this be the last time he woke up like this?

He knew from his breathing that Billy was still sleeping, so he quietly slipped out of bed. He took a towel from the en-suite bathroom, wrapped it around his naked body, and went out and down the hall to the guests' bathroom.

When he snuck back in a few minutes later, Billy was awake and lying there looking at him.

"Hi," he ventured with a sad little smile.

"Hey," said Billy. "Where did you go?"

"I just went and had a shower in the bathroom down the hall." He knelt down at his drawers, selecting clothes to wear for the day.

"Why would you do that? Isn't the shower in here working?"

"It's working fine. I just didn't want to wake you up."

"Oh. Thanks. I'm awake now anyway. I might as well get my shower too."

Billy got out of bed and walked, naked, the few steps into the bathroom. Justin knelt, forcing himself to look the other way.

"I'll be down in the kitchen. Breakfast's ready."

"'Kay, thanks. I'll see you soon."

Justin finished dressing and went down to the kitchen.

"Good morning Superboy. How're you today?"

"Good morning, Mrs. Connors. 'Morning Grandmother, Lisa."

Kathleen looked around. Her wide welcoming smile faded at the sight of Justin's face.

"Good morning, my Boy. What's the matter?"

"Oh, nothing. I'm just . . . Billy's going home this morning."

"Yes, well I can see how that would take the smile off your face. Justin, we really like your friend. Billy's a nice kid. He's welcome to come back and stay here any time at all."

"Thank you, Grandmother. I like him too. I hope he does come back."

"Oh. Things are not so good between you then? Have you had a fight?"

"No. Yes, no. Look, it's private, I'd rather not talk about it."

"Okay then. I don't want to intrude, but if there's anything we can do, anything at all."

"No Ma'am, there's nothing. But, thank you."

"Ah well, Lovey," said Connors. “I hope things work out, but if they don't, you're young and handsome. There's plenty more fish in the sea."

"Thank you, Connors. But, you're wrong; there's only one fish in the sea for me."

Kathleen changed the subject. "Is Jonathan awake yet? I didn't hear him come home last night."

"I don't know where Jonathan is. He's not in his room this morning."

"He's not? I hope he's all right. Who was he with last night?"

"No need to worry about Jonathan. He can handle himself. I think he went to see Lana last night. Or, it might have been Claudette."

Connors smiled. "Now there's a boy who's playing the field. Your brother's not about to get tied down with anyone, is he?"

"Maybe he is. He doesn't really get around that much. It's only Lana and Claudette he's seeing."

"Just those two? Well, there's no hurry, he's young yet."

Billy came down and was welcomed like he was one of the family. Kathleen told him to sit by the heater. ("It's still a bit chilly these mornings.") And she made sure that he knew that he was welcome back there, any time at all. They ate breakfast, with little conversation, then went back upstairs to repack Billy's case.

Justin sat at the computer desk, took a piece of paper and tore it in half, then in half again. On one of the quarters he drew a heart shape, then he handed it to Billy. "Take this, Sunny."

"What's this then?" He took the piece of paper and inspected it. "A heart?"

"It's a symbol, Billy. I've already given you my heart, this is a symbol of that. If you decide that you don't want it, just tear it in half and send it back to me."

"Rip it in half? But what if you want to give it to someone else?"

"That's the whole point. I won't need it again. I've never loved anyone but you and I never will."

"You can't say that. You're fifteen, Justin. You're just fifteen! How do you know how you'll feel when you're 25, or 35, or 65?"

"I'm fifteen and I love you Billy. That is what I know. I wasn't even alive until I saw you."

"But you still don't know what the future will bring."

"My future will be with you or with memories of you. There will never be anyone else. There can't be."

"Oh, Justin." Billy hugged him, he squeezed him tight, then he backed off. "Justin, I do love you, but can't you see? This is the whole problem. You're too deep for me - too intense. I'm not you, I'm nothing special, just an ordinary kid. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I want. Why can't we just keep it in today? Keep it casual and simple and just enjoy today? I'm not ready for anything else, you're too deep for me. I'd better be going. Keep your heart, Justin. I can't accept it, not on your level."

"Billy, no! Please. I'm begging you - take it. Take it with you and think on it. Whatever you decide, I will accept. You know what I want. I want you - all of you, forever. But, if I can't have that, I'll take whatever you will give me. Please don't cut me off." He held the paper out to him.

"Your level, Billy. Any level you want."

Billy took the piece of paper from him, folded it and put it in his shirt pocket. "Okay. I'll take it, for now. We've got to sort this out, Justin. The last thing I want to do is to hurt you. I'll phone you tonight, and every night, about 7 pm."

"Thanks Billy. Can we kiss and say goodbye?"

"Sure we can."

Later, they walked quietly downstairs. Billy went and thanked the Reynolds for having him.

"Our pleasure, Billy. Come back any time you like."

Then he and Justin stood outside the front door waiting for his aunt to come and collect him.

"You're not ordinary, Billy. And don't say that you're nothing special, because you are. You're more than a star and I love you and I always will."

"I love you, Justin. I love you, full stop. Don't mention always, that's too much."

Billy's Aunt Margaret came up the street in her clapped-out old car, smoke pouring out the back like a steam engine climbing a hill. She stopped to collect him, called out a cheery, "Morning Superboy," then they disappeared up the road in a blue haze. Justin waved a reluctant goodbye.

Without any plan in mind, he started walking, over to the wharves along the riverbank, along there, across to the old railway route around the edge of the town and out to the North Beach. He walked north along the deserted beach, waded across the shallow mouth of the Williamson River, and went around to the cemetery.

There, he was surprised to find that there was already a headstone in place on Gemmy's flower strewn grave. At the top it read "GEMMY," then below, "Jeremy James Carver, born Westpoint (birthdate), died London, England, (deathdate). A loved and missed friend and twin brother." With a tear in his eye and a lump in his throat, Justin, once again, vowed that he was never going to lose his brother again.

He passed on to the other Jeremy's grave and sat there quietly contemplating for a few minutes. Then he rose up, feeling fortified and determined to face whatever his life might bring him, and he walked back into town.

At the hotel, he looked into the kitchen and asked whether they'd seen Jonathan yet.

"He was here a few minutes ago - came in and ate, changed his clothes, and he's gone again. He didn't say where to."

"Ah well, Granddad, if you see him again, would you please tell him that I'm looking for him. I think I'll go around to the Square. I don't want to be on my own all day."

"Is everything all right, Justin? You haven't fought with your brother again have you?"

"No, we haven't fought. I'd just like to see my brother, I'm missing him. 'Bye Sir."

At the Square, he walked up high into the grandstand to sit down out of the sun. He was soon joined by a group of youths, laughing, chatting and swearing at each other, but he still felt alone in the crowd. It was with some relief that he saw Lucas and Carl arrive to start their daily run.

He went down and started walking the track, waiting for them to come around and catch up to him.

"Hey Superboy. How's it going?"

"Hey Lucas. Hey Carl. When's Claire going to be back Carl?"

"Give her a chance, Superboy. She only left this morning. She'll be back next Tuesday."

"Tuesday? Damm. That's ages away."

"Yeah, well, that's holidays for you. Claire's gone, Shelley's away tomorrow. Dee has already gone. I'll be glad when school's back and everything's back to normal."

"I know what you mean. It can be hard just filling in the day."

"Feeling a bit lonely are you? Where's your boyfriend then?"

"Billy has gone home, but I don't know if he is my boyfriend now."

"Oh? You can come and hang with us if you like. We've got a hedge to cut, which is going to fill in most of the day, trimming it and carting stuff off to the dump."

"Sounds good. I'd like to help. I can't do the trimming - don't know how to - and I can't drive, but I could help load the trailer." He looked over at the town clock - ten to one.

"I'll walk around to your house, Carl, and meet you there."

"Great, Justin. When will you be running again?"

"Tomorrow," he grinned. "Tomorrow you can eat my dust."

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