True to his word, Jonathan was back a few minutes before 7pm. Justin was lying on the bed reading the print-outs of Jonathan's notes and adding his own comments and queries. He was also trying to compose a letter to Billy at the same time.
When the phone rang at a couple of minutes after 7pm, he got up and went and stood in the hallway outside the room. Jonathan let the phone ring a few times before picking it up.
"Hello, Jonathan speaking. Is that you, Mathieson? My brother doesn't want to talk to you. . . No, I'm just pulling your tit, Billy. Justin's not here - he had to go out. No, I don't know what he's doing. Yeah, if I see him, I'll tell him to phone you. It might be a while though, I'm just going out myself. Things to see, people to do. Okay, maybe he'll talk to you tomorrow. See you, Billy. Bye."
Justin came back in and flopped down on the bed. "Thanks, I appreciate that. I hate lying to him but I've got to do this right. If I stuff up, I might lose everything."
"You might lose everything anyway, you know."
"Yeah, I know, but I want Billy to make his own choice knowing what he's choosing."
"He's right you know, Justin. You are too bloody deep. Well, I've gotta go. Everything's sweet with Lana, sort of. Now I've got to see Claudette and see how things are there. I might not be back until late, but I will be back."
"Okay, Brother. Don't worry about me. I'll be here and keeping busy. This skin stuff is fascinating. So, I'll see you when I see you. Thanks again, my beautiful brother."
Next morning, bright and early - well, dull and early, it was going to rain again. Justin woke up alone.
'Things must be sweet with Claudette - unless he went back to Lana's.'
He got up and dressed and went out for a run. He didn't feel like going to the Square, too many people were coming to watch him, like it was a freak show or something. So, he ran out of town, over the bridge and out to Carver's Beach and back.
Jonathan still wasn't back after breakfast. Justin went out again, still in his running shoes and brief, blue, shorts, but with his old gray sweatshirt on top. He ran across town to the Lewis' house and knocked on the door. He was about to leave, when the door opened and Emily Lewis, dressing-gowned and sleepy-eyed, looked out.
"Good morning Mrs.Lewis."
"Is it? Yes, I suppose it is. Hello Superboy. Claire's not here, I'm afraid. She won't be back until Tuesday."
"Yes, I know that. It was Peter I came to see. Is he here?"
"Peter? No, he spent the night around at Jay's. What did you want him for?"
"He was going to help me with something. I was supposed to see him here at 9 o'clock this morning."
"Well it's not quite 9 yet. You'd better come in and wait for him. Come down to the kitchen while I make a drink."
He followed her into the kitchen where she put the coffee on.
"I'm sorry if I woke you up, Mrs. Lewis."
"Yes, you did. But it's not a problem - time I was getting up anyway. Would you like a coffee? A coke then?"
"No. Just a glass of water would be good, thanks."
She poured a glass of filtered water and put it down before him. "There you go. I'm glad to get a few minutes alone with you. Justin, will you be coming back to school next week?"
"Yes Ma'am. I'll be back there for a while yet."
"Good, good. What about the show then? Will you be coming back to do Oliver Twist with us?"
"No Ma'am. I'm not part of that now."
"But you should, Justin - or should I say Dodger? Don't worry about Carl, he's just your stand-in. I'm sure he won't mind moving aside, not for you."
"No Ma'am. It's Carl's part now, he'll do it fine and I don't want it now.'
"But you'd be ever so much better. You have real star potential you know."
"No Ma'am. I don't want it."
"No? Ah well, that's a real shame. If you change your mind. . ."
"I won't change my mind, Mrs. Lewis."
"But if you do - it's going to be a really good show this year. We're thinking about taking it down to Brownsville and doing a couple of performances there as well. That way we could raise some much-needed funds for the Music Department. Are you sure that you won't change your mind?"
"No Ma'am. We could do this all day you know."
"I'd do it all day if that would get you on board. Still, you were right about casting Billy as Oliver you know. I never would have thought of it, but he's really good and just adorable too - a red-haired Oliver."
"That's good, I'm pleased it's working out for him. Mrs. Lewis, can I ask you a question - a personal question?"
"Sure, ask away. But if it's too personal, I may not answer you."
"Fair enough. It's about Peter."
"About Peter? Justin, Peter's very happy as he is right now - happier than we've seen him in a long time."
"That's good Ma'am. Please don't get the wrong idea. I love Peter like a brother. I've never had a little brother, so I've, sort-of, decided to adopt Peter."
"Oh have you now? Well I couldn't think of a better big brother for him. What were you going to ask?"
"Well, he's spending a lot of time with Jay. Does that bother you at all?"
"No, it doesn't bother me a bit. I like Jay and Peter needs all the friends he can get. Like I said, he's happy now and that makes me happy too."
"That's good, Ma'am. You're a great mother you know."
"Well thank you Sir. Nice that somebody notices. I do know what Peter and Jay are doing you know. Whenever they sleep here it's both of them in the one bed. I'm not stupid, but I know my boy and I know what he needs. We just don't talk about it, okay? And, if Jacob Kynnersley ever hurts my boy, I'll cut his nuts off."
"Mrs. Lewis! What sort of way is that for a teacher to speak?"
"This is the mother talking, not the teacher. I don't think it would ever happen anyway. Jay's a good kid and Peter loves him."
"He loves Peter too - he told me so. I think they're a good pair, but I've already told Jay that if anyone hurts Peter, then I will hurt them. You won't need your carving knife."
"You told Jay that? What did he say?"
"He said that if anyone hurts his Little Elf, I'll have to get in line behind him because he'll be there first."
"Yeah. Jay's a good kid. Thanks Justin. Peter is in good hands - maybe I could have put that better."
"Mrs. Lewis!" Justin laughed. "You're amazing, you really are. You're so understanding."
Emily Lewis sat across the table from Justin, looking thoughtfully at him over her coffee mug.
"Justin - you don't know Peter's story do you? I think that it's about time you did - especially if you're going to be his big brother. Peter is gay you know."
"Yes, I know that. That's no secret."
"But wait, there's more. I've always known that he was gay - long before he did himself, probably. Even when he was a tiny wee boy, I suspected it. Not that he's girly or effeminate or anything. He was always just - well, different. Anyway, he got involved in a relationship with a boy when he was just thirteen. It all went horribly wrong and Peter wound up getting badly beaten and outed to the whole school, the whole town.
His 'boyfriend' never stood by him, he ran away, scared - well he was just a kid really. But Peter finished up hurt and alone - so very alone - for a long time, until Jay came into his life, and now you too. I'm grateful for that."
Justin sat staring back at her. His face whitened and his fists clenched. "Who?" he demanded. "Who did that to Peter?"
"Whoah! Calm down, Superboy. It's all over and done with now. The people involved were dealt to by Peter's dad and some of his fisherman mates. It was before your time and there's nothing you can do. It's over, I only told you so that you'll know why our family are so protective of Peter. He's been hurt but it's finished with now. That's why I know that Jay is good for him."
"Thank you for telling me. I know something of what he went through. I was abused too."
"You were? But who could beat up Superboy?"
"It was a long time ago. I was a little boy, not super at all."
"I'm sorry, Justin. Really sorry, that's awful. So you do know something of what it was like. Peter was beaten by four older boys - men really."
"I was abused by men, dozens of men. I lost count of how many."
"Oh Justin, Sweetheart. That's just horrible - you poor little boy."
"It was awful, Ma'am, but it was along time ago and it sure as hell is never going to happen again."
"No," she smiled and wiped her eyes. "It sure as hell is not. Justin, you're an amazing kid. I can see why Claire and Peter love you so much." She reached across and held his hand.
"Thank you, Ma'am. And I can see why Claire and Peter are such great people - they couldn't miss with the mother they've got."
"Hey, hey, hey." Peter walked into the room. "What's going on here then? Are you putting the moves on my mother, Justin Reynolds?"
"What? No - I, er. . ." He blushed and stammered as Peter and his mother both laughed.
"Peter!"
"Okay. Okay. Just teasing. She's far too old for you anyway."
"Watch it, Boy!"
"Sorry, Mum. You ready to make music, Justin?"
"So that's what you're doing here? Recording more songs. Great, I hope I can hear them."
"They're just songs, Ma'am. They're old songs but they mean something."
Mrs. Lewis went to have a shower. Peter led Justin into the living room. They sat and went through the down-loaded karaoke music and backing vocals, then he took an acoustic guitar, tuned it to his liking, and sang along straight through the five songs, recording them all in one take. He asked Peter to label the CD with their titles and his own sub-titles.
When I Fall In Love (What I Wanted)
"Maybe I'm old fashioned, feeling as I do.
Maybe I'm just living in the past.
But when I meet the right one, I know that I'll be true.
My first love will be my last
When I fall in love, it will be forever, or I'll never fall in love.
In a restless world like this is, Love is ended before it's begun,
And too many moonlight kisses, seem to cool in the warmth of the sun.
When I give my heart, It will be completely, Or I'll never give my heart.
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too. Is when I fall in love with you . . ."
Da Doo Ron Ron (What I Saw)
"Met him on a Monday and my heart stood still,
Da doo ron ron ron, Da doo ron ron
Somebody told me that his name was Bill . . ."
Little Boy (What I Felt)
"Little Boy, you probably don't know this, but on the night we met you stole my heart away. . ."
The Twelfth of Never (How I Feel)
"You ask how much I need you, must I explain,
I need you oh my darling, like roses need rain.
You ask how long I'll love you, I'll tell you true,
Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you. . ."
I Will Always Love You (Goodbye my Love)
"If I should stay, I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know, I'll think of you every step of the way.
And I will always love you. . . ."
As he sang the songs, the first was wistful and thoughtful. The second was upbeat and happy, as was the third - all full of power and yearning. The Twelfth of Never was slow, clear and thoughtful, but the last song was heartwrenching. His voice was soaring and penetrating with just the smallest waver as he struggled through to the end.
From the very first line, tears started to roll down his cheeks and at the climax, he collapsed in a silent sobbing heap in the corner.
He pulled himself together and sat quietly on the floor as they listened to all five songs being played through. When I will Always Love You played, he cried all the way through it. When it finished, Justin said, "Cut the sobbing after the end off please. That shouldn't be there."
"But, Justin," said Mrs. Lewis. "That adds a whole new element to the song. It makes it really personal and alive somehow."
"No. It should not be there. It makes it sound like blackmail."
"Okay then, it's your song. Justin, you know, I have contacts - I know some people. If you were to send any one of those songs to a record company, you could have an amazing career."
"No. No career. I don't want to sing again - ever."
"Not sing? But how could you not? You have such amazing talent, such a gift."
"Mrs. Lewis, what is the date today?"
"It's, ah? The ninth of September. But what's that got to do with it?"
"The ninth of September is the day the music died then. My music died. I will not sing again."
Peter burnt the songs on to a CD, tested it, labelled it and handed it to him. "I don't know what you're doing, Superboy, but I hope it works out for you. Thanks for letting me be involved."
"Thank you, Peter. Anytime I can do something for you, I will. Now I've got to do this before I chicken out."
He took the CD, ran home to the hotel and put it in an envelope with the letter that he'd agonized over, then, with the envelope in his hand, ran the 25k. out of town to the Mathieson's home.
In the letter he told Billy that he would not be seeing him again, that he was breaking up with him and letting him go free as he needed to be. Billy was fourteen and he needed to be free - to be young and do the things that kids did, to date other pople and to have fun Justin was fifteen, but he was old, far too old for Billy.
They wanted different things so they needed to be apart. He asked him to listen to the songs, to really listen, they were a message straight from the heart. He asked him to listen to them in private, his message was too personal to be heard by the others. He said that he was sorry, but he would always treasure the time they'd had together. He said goodbye.
All the way out on the highway, he ran at the slow to medium pace of the long-distance runner. He tried to keep his mind clear - to think of nothing but the running, but his rebellious brain kept thinking back to the time he had run, on crutches, across the town to the drama at the school. He hadn't wanted to do that, but he had to, and he really didn't want to do this either, but he had to. He didn't cry, but he sure-as-hell wanted to.
Arriving, at last, at the Mathieson's mailbox at the side of the road, he dropped the envelope in there and stood catching his breath before starting the run back to town. Just before he was ready to move off, Denise appeared, on a pushbike, from further up the road.
"Justin!" she cried happily. "What are you doing here? Did you run all the way out from town?"
"Yeah," he shrugged. "I like to run."
"You're bloody incredible, Superboy. That's a long way. So, are you coming in? Billy will be delighted to see you."
"No, I can't. I'm just going to head back to town now. I left a message for Billy - it's in the mailbox. Would you give it to him please?"
"A message?" Denise opened the box and took out the envelope. "But you can give it to him yourself. Come on in, Justin. You've come all this way."
"No. I can't. I've got to go. I may not be welcome here when he reads it. Just give it to Billy, okay? Thanks, Denise, see you!"
"But Justin," she called after him. "You'll always be welcome here."
She looked at the envelope in her hand and muttered. "What the hell does this say anyway?"
Denise wheeled her bike up the drive and went inside to the kitchen where Billy was busy kneading the dressing into a huge bowl of coleslaw.
"Hey Billy. I've got something for you. It's some sort of message, Justin said to give it to you."
"Justin? Is he here? Where is he?"
"He's not here. He was, I met him out on the road, but now he's gone - running back into town. He says he likes to run."
"Yes, he does that. But why didn't he come in? Could you open it for me, Sis? My hands are all mucky."
She slit the envelope open with a kitchen knife. "There's a letter here. I'm not reading that, it says personal and private. I don't want to know. And, there's a CD too - a burnt CD."
"A CD? Cool, Superboy sings! I love it. Put it on, Sis. I'll read the letter later."
She stopped the music that Billy had going on the CD player and put Justin's on instead. Billy carried on kneading the coleslaw as he listened. The first song - When I Fall I Love - played and Billy shook his head.
"Too much, Justin. Just too much."
When the bright, upbeat music of Da Doo Ron Ron filled the room, they were laughing, dancing around and singing along with the chorus. Little Boy played and they slowed down; listening now - not singing.
Billy pulled a chair out and sat down listening to the clear, precise words of Justin pouring his heart out in the Twelth of Never. All the family there were quiet now, watching Billy as he listened quietly.
His head came up as he heard the opening, acapella words of the final song.
"If I should stay, I would only be in your way. So I'll go -" At the first rendition of the title, I Will Always Love You, he started to cry. As the song progressed, he cried more and more. Before it was finished, he was gone - leapt up and ran out the back door.
Margaret turned off the player and they all stood looking at each other - Cecily, Denise, Margaret, Dianne and Brian. The younger twins stood in the doorway, watching.
"Well!" said Margaret. "Gay or not, that was beautiful. I wish that someone loved me like that"
She picked up the cover and read the label. "I will always love you - Goodbye my love. Does that mean . . goodbye?"
Billy's mother put the CD back in its cover . She opened the letter and scanned it then quickly refolded it and put it back in the envelope.
"I don't think we should have heard that." She took them both and went out to see Billy in his room; but he was not there. He must have gone off into the bush to hide. So she left the CD and letter on his bed and went back inside.
Billy stayed outside most of the day - sitting down by the river actually. He came back in for dinner, but didn't speak. None of the family were brave enough to broach the subject, so Justin's presence - or absence - hung like a ghost over the kitchen table.
After he had eaten, he went out and sat, alone, in his room, in the dark. Cecily waited a few minutes, then she went out and sat down beside him.
"Billy, this is not easy to talk about, but I have got something to say. I'm your mother, but I can't tell you what to do here. However, I'll tell you this - we all heard those songs and I looked at the letter. Whether I should have or not, I did.
I loved your father, Billy. There's enough kids around here as proof of that. We were just kids when we got together. I was only fifteen when Denise was born, that's only a few months older than you are now. I lost my Bob when his boat went down and I still miss him every day, but I don't regret a single minute that we spent together. I loved him very much and I think that you'll be a fool if you let that boy go. He loves you and I think that you love him too.
This is not another Dennis McGuyver here. This is Justin and he's a good one - pure gold. Goodnight Billy."
She rose to go, but he stopped her at the door. "Mum. Thanks Mum, but he broke up with me - he dumped me!"
"Only because that's what he thinks you need. Go and get him back. You can fix this. Goodnight Son."
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