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Emo Boi Finds Love

Chapter Five

by Terrance MacDonald

Tyler still wasn't happy, though over a week had passed since he had broken up with Corey. Tyler had been friends with Corey for a long time, well before they ever ventured into the realm of sexual activity with each other, and his ending their sexual relationship seemed to have screwed all that up. Actually, when Tyler thought about it honestly, he realized that their getting involved with each other sexually had probably been the real catalyst in driving them apart. More than anything, Tyler missed having Corey as his best friend.

Tyler thought about it a lot, and decided that what had really been lacking in their relationship was love, or at least love being returned to him, for he really had loved Corey. In some way Tyler still did love him, and always would. It was just different sort of love now. What they had really been the last few months was just sexual partners, perhaps 'fuck-buddies' was a cruder, but more accurate way to describe it - except that term would imply that Corey had sometimes allowed Tyler to penetrate him - and that certainly hadn't been the case. Still, in Tyler's heart there was no way for him even to dislike Corey; he was a far too loving person.

Tyler needed love. He wasn't finding it though, not in his neighborhood, and not at his school, so like many teens in the computer age, he turned to the internet. Of course Tyler's parents loved him very much, but as is often the case with teens, Tyler didn't recognize it. He often thought of them as more intrusive in his life than anything else. Somewhere deep down though, he did know they loved him and cared about him, and more than anything he didn't want to disappoint them. He had a hard time admitting this though, even to himself.

Tyler was thinking about that final day as Corey's boyfriend. He kept going over it again and again in his mind:

Tyler was facing Corey as they lay in bed. He had tears in his eyes as he said "Corey, you were my best friend, and then my boyfriend. I've had a wonderful time with you and I loved you very much."

"Loved me," Corey responded, "what do you mean by loved?"

"I can't do this anymore. I don't like the cutting, I never really have and I can't count the times I told you that. You're using me like I'm just an object and I can't take that anymore. I want to be loved, and loved for who I am. I want to be a full member of this relationship not just someone for you to screw. I told you over and over that I wanted to try being the 'top' sometimes, even just once, and you never were willing to let me. Always being your bottom isn't what I want from this relationship." That was just before he said the final words that ended not only their sexual relationship but apparently their friendship as well - "We shouldn't do this anymore..."

Tyler kept thinking about their last few weeks together as he walked home from Corey's house that day. Sure, Corey had still been sucking his dick before he used his hole, but he had also started making little cuts with a razor blade just above Tyler's hips so that he was also able to suck Tyler's blood, going back and forth between that and working on his cock, even though he had asked Corey to stop cutting him. Each time Corey had just given him the poppers bottle, told him to take a sniff and then continued to make the little cuts on his body so he could suck blood out of him. Every time Corey made the cuts he had also made Tyler sniff the poppers. Poppers, the same solution he used every time Tyler offered even the slightest objection to anything he wanted to do.

Tyler's mind drifted back to the present as he sat down in front of the computer on the desk in his bedroom. He had been turning more and more to online friends in various chat rooms and on MSN Messenger in his quest to find love, even before he had finally broken up with Corey. There were four or five people who he was chatting with regularly, and he had even exchanged pictures with some of them. There were a couple of these people that he really liked. One in particular, whose name was Jordan.

Jordan was a very cute boy, and at fourteen was a year younger than Tyler. He had short brown hair that he kept a little longer in the front so he could spike it up with a little gel. He had clear, ice-blue eyes and an infectious smile with perfect teeth. They referred to themselves as boyfriends, even though they had only met online - never in person. But they did live just barely within range of each other, had either of them had a car, or more importantly a license. It wouldn't be long before Tyler turned sixteen though, then he could make the drive required for them to be together.

They even made plans to meet at Wonderland, an amusement park they had both been to before and enjoyed once Tyler was able to drive. The trip for Tyler to get there to meet Jordan would require an overnight stop because of the distance from his home, but fortunately he had an aunt who lived near the mid-way point. He had gone there before with a cousin, who was a couple years older, and they had stopped over there. Jordan lived close enough so that his parents would be able to drop him off for their 'date.'

When Tyler logged on to MSN Chat, he hoped to see some of his friends available. As the Messenger window opened, a dialogue box popped up with a message for him - ", you have 15 news messages waiting." When Tyler saw this, he clicked the icon to open his e-mail, excited about what he might find there since no one he knew was online at the moment. He saw that one of these messages was from Corey, and it was only about 15 minutes old. Curious, since he and Corey hadn't so much as talked to each other for more than a week, he read it first:

Ty, I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted or what you needed. This last week all I could think about was how much I must have hurt you. I hope you can forgive me, but I have to let you know that I can't live with the heartbreak of having hurt you and losing you because of it anymore.

I hope you'll have SOME good memories of me. I've written you a poem to remember me by, I hope you'll like it.

Standing there,
The past comes to me,
Cold and dark,
A new meaning,
Darkness, loneliness, forgotten.

Ivy covered and rain colored,
A dingy gray,
The past so real,
The only one I love.

No one notices it standing there,
To the side of the forgotten willow tree,
Sad, Tall, Proud,
in the shade,
All its life never remembered.

Must we see that it's alone... no,
It hides in shadow,

Nothing more than a forgotten memory.

Never to be persuaded by time,
Never known,
Always there for all time,
The grave.

Goodbye Ty, I'm sorry I couldn't love you the way you needed me to.


It only took seconds for the meaning of what Corey had written to sink in. He was going to kill himself, or possibly already had. Tyler was sure of it; there wasn't anything else Corey could have been talking about. Tyler didn't even bother logging out, he just ran as fast as he could to Corey's house, hoping that he would be at home. If Corey wasn't there, Tyler had a couple other places in mind that he could look for him. He just hoped that he wasn't too late.

When he got to Corey's house, the front and side doors were locked and no one answered when he rang the doorbell. Tyler was worried about his friend; all sorts of horrible scenarios had been running through his head since the moment he had read Corey's e-mail, each one having the same ending - Corey lying dead somewhere. Tyler rushed around to the side of the house where Corey's bedroom was, jumping down off the five foot retaining wall next to his bedroom window, stumbling and falling when he landed. When he got up, he was able to look into Corey's bedroom window as the curtains were parted open a few inches.

Corey was lying on his bed, face up. His eyes were closed, and there was a deep, blackish-red stain on the sheets under each of his arms. 'Holy shit, he's done it, he's killed himself!' Tyler thought.

Panicked by what he had seen, he tried the window first, but finding it locked, ran around the corner of the house to the sliding glass doors that opened onto the patio. Tyler was almost relieved when he discovered that it was unlocked, but then was disappointed just as quickly a fraction of a second later when the broomstick Corey's family lay in the track kept it from opening more than half an inch. 'Fuck! How am I going to get in?' Tyler's panic was growing by the second.

As he ran back around the corner of the house to Corey's window, he stumbled over the end of a row of bricks that outlined a flowerbed which ran along the back of the house. He knew it right away - that was his answer! The bricks were not cemented in, but simply set into the ground at an angle, so he pried one loose and used it to break the pane above the lock on Corey's bedroom window. He reached in and unlocked the latch, then slid the window up. It only took him a few seconds to climb in through the window and reach Corey's side. Kneeling beside him on the bed, Tyler had the presence of mind to call an ambulance before holding his friend, telling him that he loved him and willing him to live long enough for the paramedics to arrive.

Tyler was almost in a trance when he finally heard the paramedics pounding on the front door and ringing the doorbell a few minutes later. That was when he realized the upstairs doors were still locked. When Tyler got upstairs and opened the door for the paramedics, he had so much of Corey's blood on him that they thought at first he was the person for whom they had been called, and this wasted precious minutes getting them downstairs to Corey's bedroom. Fortunately they made it to him in time.

The paramedics set to work on Corey immediately and put an IV line into his arm after bandaging his cuts. As they were loading Corey into the ambulance, Tyler begged the paramedics to take him along with Corey to the hospital. The younger of the two told him that unless he was family, there was no way he could be permitted to ride in the ambulance. As Tyler continued to plead with him, the elder of the two put his hand on Tyler's shoulder and told his partner, "I think this one's pretty traumatized by everything that's happened. I think it might be better if we take him to keep an eye on him rather than risk having to come back for him later."

Tyler turned and looked up over his shoulder at the man, who returned his gaze and giving him a knowing wink and smile. "Up you go," he said as he helped Tyler climb into the back of the ambulance.

When they arrived at the hospital, Corey was rushed into an operating room where a doctor quickly stitched up his wounds. It had been about half an hour since arriving at the hospital when a doctor came into the waiting area where Tyler was sitting with the elder of the paramedic team who had brought them to the hospital. He hadn't thought that it would be a good idea to leave Tyler alone, so he sat with him while they waited for some news. Tyler had called Corey's parents to let them know what happened and where he and Corey were now, but he was too emotional to speak coherently after Corey's mother answered her cell phone. The paramedic gently took the phone from him after a moment and explained what had happened. He then told her that it would be best if they got to the hospital right away.

Corey's mother told him that they were at least an hour away, but would be there as soon as traffic allowed. Before he had ended the call, the physician who had been attending to Corey appeared in the waiting room. He was mistaken by the similarities in their appearance, and made the assumption that they were brothers. He walked up to Tyler, noticing that he was covered in blood and correctly surmised that he must have been the one who had found Corey.

The paramedic handed the doctor Tyler's phone and told him who was on the other end so he could explain Corey's condition to his mother. The doctor hadn't yet said anything about thinking the two boys were brothers, so no one had been able to correct his mistake. Tyler listened intently to the doctor's end of the conversation:

"Your son inflicted quite a bit of damage to himself," the doctor explained. "There were long slashes up each of his wrists and he's lost a lot of blood as a result..."

"Yes ma'am, he's stable at the moment, but I'm afraid that he's going to require a blood transfusion, and he'll need it very quickly. We have a real problem there though..."

"It's the blood. Your son has lost a lot of it, which is why he'll need the transfusion. The problem is that Corey is A-negative, and the hospital just doesn't have any on hand. It's a very rare type. Perhaps his brother will be a match..."

The doctor paused as he listened to Corey's mother's confusion on the phone. He looked at Tyler, and then said, "But there's this boy here who came in with him and the paramedics, they look so much alike..."

"Yes ma'am... I understand. It's a natural confusion. Well, our best chance then is for you or your husband to be a donor, with his blood type both of you will probably be a match, and we really have very little time."

"Yes ma'am, just please hurry; time is really of the essence right now." Then he flipped the phone shut, ending the call and handed it back to the paramedic, who in turn gave it back to Tyler.

Tyler had fully comprehended everything he had heard the doctor say. His friend needed blood if he was going to live, the hospital didn't have the right kind, and his parents, the best possibility to provide what his friend needed right now might not get there in time to save him. Tyler had a big decision to make, and he had to make it quickly.

Tyler hated needles, he always had. He didn't like to get shots, and he damn sure didn't like it when he had to have blood drawn for a physical when he started high school. That was just a small vial though, and he knew his friend needed far more than that if he was going to live. He also knew that he could help. Tyler knew that his blood type was O-negative, probably the only type more rare than Corey's if a transfusion was required, and it made him a universal donor. He could give blood to anyone, but could he brave the needle long enough to save his friend?

Working up his courage as best he could, Tyler looked up at the doctor, who was starting to turn as if to walk away and said, "I can give him blood, use mine."

The doctor stopped, turning back to Tyler with an incredulous look on his face. "And what makes you think you would be a match for such a rare blood type?" The condescension in his voice was clear as he spoke, and that pissed Tyler off a great deal.

He stood and took a step toward the doctor. "I'm O-negative," he said. "I know I can give him blood."

The doctor looked surprised for just a moment, but regained his composure. It was unusual for a teenaged boy to know his blood type, so he had to ask, "And you know this how?"

"I had a physical last year and they drew blood to test it for some shit. I got a letter telling me about it." Tyler was getting angrier, and his face was starting to flush from the increase in blood pressure his anger was causing. "Now, are you going to try to save my friend or not?"

The doctor put his hand on Tyler's shoulder and said "Come with me then, we don't have a lot of time and I'll have to do a couple tests on your blood before we can give it to your... friend." He had almost said 'brother.'

Corey only had to stay in the hospital two nights because of the actual physical damage he had caused himself by slitting his wrists. He was there far longer for psychiatric observation though. He was in the hospital for a week for inpatient counseling as well as being referred to an outpatient suicide prevention counselor for teens after he was finally discharged.

Throughout his stay, Tyler had either visited or phoned every day to check up on him. Although they both knew that they would never again be sexual partners or boyfriends, their friendship was rekindled. They both knew they would continue to be close friends, and were a lot happier as a result. Tyler wanted love, and although Corey could not provide it, they had so much common history that they could talk about anything to each other. Intimacy might not be love, but every boy needed someone to whom he could be open.

Tyler continued to get more and more involved with the friends he had found online. There were a few people that he and Jordan had introduced to each other during their chat sessions. This was how Tyler met Thomas. Thomas was an older guy, in his thirties. Sometimes when Jordan and Tyler would get into arguments, Thomas would sort of act like a referee, not taking anyone's side, but pointing out where one or the other had a valid point. Jordan always expected Thomas to take his side since they had known each other longer, but this wasn't always the case.

Tyler and Jordan started to argue in their online chats more and more. It was in Tyler's nature to be loving and trusting. This worked against him more and more in his online relationship with Jordan. Jordan had introduced some friends from his school to Tyler in their online sessions, and the frequency of one of them saying something rude to Tyler was increasing. Each time one of them would do this, Jordan would side with them. Only one of these people who Jordan had brought into the chat sessions knew that he was gay - his off and on again real-life boyfriend, Kevin. Jordan always said he was sorry later, but as they say - actions speak louder than words, and Jordan's actions never showed any true signs of remorse.

Tyler refused to see this though. Every time Jordan would tell him that he loved him, Tyler would believe it. Thomas tried to point out to him what Jordan was doing, and Tyler agreed with him when they were chatting alone, but as soon as Jordan would come online, Tyler would immediately forgive him for everything. This went on until finally some of Jordan's friends really ganged up on Tyler in a group chat session and shortly after that Jordan dumped him for another 'online boyfriend.'

The irony of it was that Tyler had introduced the two. The end result had actually brought Tyler to tears. He was glad they hadn't been able to see his true reaction, as he managed to maintain a brave front for the people who were online - that was easy though, they couldn't see his tears or hear his quiet sobs. He had only told Thomas how the way he was being treated was making him feel, but he still hadn't opened up completely to him. Perhaps if he had, things might have turned out far differently.

Inside, all this was burning Tyler up emotionally, and that's what led to one of Tyler's biggest downfalls - drugs. Tyler knew right where to find them. He had never bought anything from Bryan before; in fact Tyler had never bought any drugs before from anyone. Bryan had seen him tagging along with Corey every time Corey came for the poppers (and sometimes a little something extra), so he figured that it was only going to be a matter of time until Tyler was a customer too, and sure enough, he was right.

Thomas had told Tyler time and time again to stay away from drugs, but he hadn't been smart enough to say why - that he had personal experience with them from when he had been Tyler's age and that they had nearly destroyed his life. He would come to wish that he had, but that would be jumping too far ahead in the story to talk about it now.

Tyler only wanted some pot to numb the pain in his mind from all he had been going through, and Bryan was more than happy to accommodate him. Bryan was sure that he was going to have a repeat customer. And he was. And his sales were going to go up in another area too...

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