INTP

by Nico Grey

Part 9

Josiah tried to speak with Jodi again during their homeroom period the following morning. Again, she was rather cool toward him. He really wasn't certain whether he should try harder to show her that he really was interested in her, or whether too much attention might just annoy her. He decided that he needed to think about the situation. It was the practical thing to do.

After English class, Mr. Fisher was in a cheerful mood. "I hear that Mr. Harding is trying to broker a deal for us," he told Josiah. "My soccer team gets a new member, part-time, in exchange for one of my players spending some of his time with the cross country team."

Josiah hadn't thought much about that suggestion since his conversation with the vice principal. Was Ian even willing to consider something like that?

"He was pretty excited when I mentioned the possibility to him," Mr. Fisher told Josiah. "For some reason, he seems to enjoy running." He smiled broadly.

Josiah was pleased with the news. Trying to fit time for soccer games and some practices into his schedule might be challenging, but the idea of spending more time in shared activities with Ian was appealing. As they spent time together, he was noticing that they made a pretty good team.

"Mr. Wyman tells me that you demonstrate decent ball skills in Phys Ed. I'm also available to work with you to improve those skills and teach you about the system we use here at Ball Mountain. If you aren't getting enough of that with Ian, come find me whenever you have some free time." Mr. Fisher smiled again.

Josiah was happy to see Mr. Fisher in better spirits than he had been for weeks. His only concern was that plans seemed to be progressing rapidly. He preferred to have more time to think through important decisions. But he liked Mr. Fisher. And he really liked the idea of teaming up with Ian on something new.

Josiah was happy to see that most of the freshman group that had been eating lunch with Ian was back at his table. It was just further evidence that Daniel and Russ had moved on from tormenting Ian, if the herd also sensed that the danger was past.

Ian seemed awfully excited to see Josiah. Josiah didn't quite understand the reaction. They had been eating lunch together every day for three weeks. And they had classes together for the rest of the afternoon. But Ian actually bounced out of his seat when Josiah approached the table.

"Did you talk to Pax?" he demanded.

Realization dawned for Josiah. He hadn't considered that it might be such a big deal for Ian. But the kid was naturally outgoing and enthusiastic. And with the promise that his ordeal with Daniel and Russ might be behind him, he was returning to form.

"Hey, guys," Ian commanded the attention of the table as soon as Josiah was seated. "How about some soccer this weekend? Pax finally talked Josiah into playing for the team. We can start getting him up to speed with us right away!"

Several of the boys at the table started chattering excitedly. Josiah hadn't realized how many of them played for the school team. He was also surprised they would be so enthusiastic with the start of soccer more than half a year away. The ground was still covered with snow!

They ground was covered with snow. Josiah didn't want to chill their thrill, but it did seem like something to consider.

"Oh, yeah." Ian seemed surprised by the news… and that he hadn't even thought about it. His shoulders slumped. But he rebounded just as quickly. "But we are going running this weekend. Hey, Josiah?!" His eyes took on a hopeful expression. "Can the guys run with us? We have to do something to prepare for soccer!"

It would have been hard for Josiah to deny Ian's enthusiasm. Besides, he had an inspiration! His partial conversion to soccer could turn out to be a bigger win for his favorite sport!

"That sounds like a good idea," he told Ian. "With the daylight sticking around longer, we might even plan regular runs during the week." He felt some slight discomfort at the idea of a regular activity with a large group, but they seemed like good kids in the main. "Are any of you guys going to come out for track with us this spring?"

Ian's excitement was peaking again. "Come on! It will be amazing to do it together! And all the running will keep us in great shape for futbol," he wheedled.

Several heads were nodding enthusiastically.

"Come on, Jake!" Ian insisted.

Jake's disappointment was plain. "I can't, dude. I promised Mr. Gilchrist that I'd play baseball."

"Oh." Ian's excitement dimmed. "Yeah. I forgot. You're a great ballplayer. We used to play together."

Jake nodded. "But I still want to run with you and Josiah!" His smile was eager, but Josiah thought that his eyes looked a little sad.

The level of malicious enthusiasm felt familiar to Ian and Josiah when they appeared that afternoon for their Psychology class. Ian was ignored completely, but it felt like everyone in the class was watching Josiah as he took his seat.

There wasn't any delay or pretense this time. Britney Parker, one of the junior girls from Mr. Waxon's Physics class slinked up the aisle to his desk.

Josiah anticipated where the encounter was going. He was polite to her and he didn't try to interrupt her game. But when she asked if he wanted to take her to the Valentine's Day dance, he declined politely, opened his backpack, and started to pull out Ms. Porter's homework assignment.

The class erupted with laughter anyway, but it gave Josiah some satisfaction to see that Daniel and Russ seemed disappointed that they hadn't got more mileage out of their entertainment.

Ms. Porter entered the classroom before Britney had even returned to her desk. Their teacher glanced toward Josiah and Ian, but avoided addressing the mood in her classroom. She simply observed drily that she expected to be disappointed in some of the results from her homework assignment.

Josiah felt bad watching Ms. Porter. She was a good teacher who seemed to enjoy her work. But it only took a handful of students to drain much of the enthusiasm out of her.

Josiah was still feeling his disappointment when he and Ian stopped to chat after their run. Ian sensed that it might be because Josiah had become the new lightning rod for Daniel, Russ and their friends. But Josiah explained that he was most bothered by the way the other students' behavior was affecting Ms. Porter. In some ways, it was similar to the way Mr. Fisher had been affected while Ian was being tormented.

"Mr. Harding told me something when I spoke with him Monday," he explained. "I was telling him how much I hated the way some things worked in the adult world." He considered explaining the full context to Ian, but decided that there were too many details that the vice principal had shared with him in confidence.

"He didn't laugh at me. But he told me that life would be really hard if I thought that everything in the world always had to be fair. And it would be even harder if I made it my mission to make life fair. That it would be kind of like that Spanish guy, Don Quixote," Josiah said, "tilting at windmills." He assumed that he didn't need to explain that analogy to Ian.

"I forget exactly how he put it. He told me that the goal was admirable. But he said that even if I was successful sometimes, I would still fail a lot. Then he told me that when that happened, I shouldn't let it break me."

Josiah stopped to think about what he would say next. It felt strange to him to be making such a serious assessment about an adult. "I wonder if Daniel and Russ, and the rest of them… I wonder if they might break Ms. Porter." Just the thought made him feel sad; both for what it would do to the teacher, but also for the fundamental 'wrongness' of it.

The idea that a handful of teenagers, blinded by their ignorance and anger, their petty need for revenge, and their frustration over having their revenge thwarted by Josiah, could be so caught up in selfish obsessions that their behavior might be able to break the spirit of someone who was just trying to do a good job for them… well, that was just horribly wrong! His breath hitched.

"I think we need to do something for Ms. Porter," Josiah said. "I just don't know what we can do."

"Let's go talk to Mom," Ian suggested.

Josiah was so absorbed by his own concerns that he didn't make much effort to speak with Jodi in the morning. But he wasn't so distracted that he forgot to greet her with a smile and a few pleasantries. He just really had too much on his mind to say more. She didn't appear to care.

Ms. Burton had spent almost an hour talking with him and Ian after their run. She didn't give much away, it just wasn't in her nature, but Josiah had the impression that his concerns about Ms. Porter surprised Ian's mother.

She wanted more information about what was happening in the class. She seemed grateful to Josiah when she discovered that he had accepted the negative attention that had been focused on her son. But she was also concerned for him.

The boys' concern wasn't for Josiah. They knew that he could tolerate the negative attention well enough. Ian understood that Josiah wasn't overly bothered by two silly attempts to embarrass him or the ill will of a few classmates. They were worried about their teacher and about the fundamental wrongness of the situation.

Ms. Burton gave them a psychologist's version of Mr. Harding's advice. She agreed that the world could be very unfair, and the people in it could be even worse. That judgment from a mental health professional surprised Josiah, but he certainly couldn't disagree with it.

Ian's mother suggested that the best thing they could do was to let Ms. Porter know that her efforts were appreciated and that they were doing some good. She tried to help them see events from their teacher's perspective, and advised them that part of her sense of discouragement might come from the feeling that she was failing her students. Ian and Josiah could make sure she knew that she wasn't failing them and that they were benefitting from being in her class.

Ms. Burton's advice about how to reassure Ms. Porter that she was appreciated was quite simple. "Just communicate clearly," she told them. "And make sure that she hears the message from you often."

Josiah found it difficult to stay focused in class. He knew that school and getting good grades was important. It was a constant refrain in his home. But he had always thought that the point of school was to help prepare him for adult life. He was starting to figure out that the lessons he had learned in the classroom might not be the most important things he needed to know to succeed as an adult.

It was strange, he reflected. In a way, school was teaching him things he would need to know later in life. But how well he learned those lessons wouldn't be reflected in any way on his report card. He suspected that how well he learned those lessons also wouldn't make any difference at all when it came time for him to take his SATs in a year.

Josiah prided himself on his ability to think clearly and to solve problems using reason and logic. He was disappointed in himself that it had taken him more than ten years to figure out that so much of what went on in his life wasn't real. He had accepted adult explanations for the world because he assumed they knew what they were talking about and would be truthful with him.

He was deeply discouraged to realize that much of what he thought he knew would have to be examined carefully. He would have to pay much closer attention to figure out for himself what was real.

Josiah made plans with Ian and his friends for the weekend. He suggested that they meet on Saturday to get used to the idea of running as a group, but Ian's enthusiasm carried the day. Plans were made in advance for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Josiah thought it might be hard to keep everyone interested enough to run every day, but he figured that Ian knew what he could inspire his friends to do. If the training runs had to be shorter and the pace slower so everyone could keep up, Josiah would just put in a few more miles at a faster pace at the end of each session.

Training with a group and no adult supervision would be a new experience, but Josiah was actually feeling some enthusiasm for the idea. He wondered briefly why he wasn't worried about planning the activity in careful details, but realized that he trusted Ian to help him make everything work. That was a new feeling, too; trusting someone and opening himself up to disappointment. He just didn't believe that Ian would disappoint him.

Josiah barely looked up from his desk when Mia Evans sidled up to him before Psychology class and reminded him that the Valentine's Day dance was just a week away.

Mia and Britney were close friends. Everyone in the classroom was paying close attention to Mia's performance. Josiah didn't need a sign language interpreter to explain to him what was happening.

He thanked Mia politely for reminding him about the dance. He told her that he was sure there were a lot of guys who would love to take someone as pretty as her to the dance, but that he would prefer to take someone from his own class.

Mia introduced a new twist to Misty and Britney's game. She feigned concern and asked Josiah if there was anyone in his class who would want to go to the dance with him. The rest of the class erupted with laughter.

Josiah just shrugged and pulled a notebook out of his backpack. Ms. Porter would be arriving to start class soon. He wanted to show her that he was ready and eager for her to begin teaching.

At the end of period, he and Ian stayed a moment to thank Ms. Porter for her positive comments on the homework assignment she had returned during the class. They didn't want to be too obvious about their intention, so they kept their remarks brief and used their enthusiasm to demonstrate their appreciation.

Josiah thought that Ms. Porter wanted to prolong the conversation. There was a subtext to her questions, but all he could interpret was concern. He did his best to show that there was no reason for concern. He liked his Psychology class. He liked his teacher and appreciated what she was doing for her students. He hoped that she would have a nice weekend and he would look forward to seeing her in class on Monday.

Mission accomplished, Josiah thought to himself.

Ian understood that the game wasn't over yet. He chattered enthusiastically about class as he and Josiah left the classroom, bumped shoulders with Josiah as they passed through the doorway, and maintained his energy level until they separated to go to their respective homerooms. He made a note to share the concept of 'playing through the whistle' with Josiah when they began to prepare for soccer season.

It felt good to be starting another school week. The previous week had ended on a positive note. The weekend had been great. Josiah woke up feeling in a surprisingly good mood and eager to start the day. Even a breakfast of lukewarm oatmeal hadn't affected the way he was feeling.

Looking forward to school wasn't a familiar attitude, but he was still feeling good when he pushed through the school's main entrance and entered the lobby. Glancing about, Josiah thought that for once he was happier to be in school than most of the people milling around him.

His homeroom was empty when he Josiah settled in at his desk. Even Mr. Gilchrist hadn't arrived yet. He re-organized his backpack for the school day, slipping old worksheets and school notices into his desk. Instead of burying his face in a book, he sat attentively at his desk and waited for the school day to begin.

Jodi arrived somewhat later than was customary for her. For once, she had a small entourage in tow, whispering conspiratorially to her before each homed in on their own desk.

Jodi fixed her eyes on Josiah and marched up the aisle to his desk. He felt and combination of excitement and anxiety when she stopped in front of him.

"Hi, Jodi," he tried a smile to gauge her mood. "You look great this morning!" Girls liked to hear stuff like that, at least he was pretty sure they did.

Her expression softened. "Thanks, Josiah." She appeared uncertain about what to say next.

"Are you looking forward to the dance Friday?" Josiah had heard the expression 'leading the witness' in television court dramas. He thought it could be helpful.

For a moment, she seemed confused. "Oh, uh, yeah. I think so." She didn't give Josiah time to formulate another question.

"I, um, I saw you running with a bunch of freshmen this weekend." Josiah thought that he noticed a change in her expression. "I thought you looked really good!"

He wasn't quite sure what he should say to that. Instead, he blushed.

"Josiah?" The intimacy of her smile did strange things to his heart. "How come Ian Corse was running with you?"

The question reminded him of a conversation with Jodi a week or two earlier. His instinct told him to deflect.

"Oh. Those guys are going to be running track with me in the spring. I thought it would be good to start getting them in shape. You know," he smiled apologetically. "I'm trying to be a team leader and that sort of stuff."

She seemed vexed by his response.

"That sounds good, Josiah." And, as a thought struck her, "I think you'll make a great leader. You really command a lot of respect."

That possibility had never occurred to Josiah before.

"But to keep respect," she continued, "You have to be careful about who people see with you."

Josiah tensed. He had been hoping to avoid this.

"I like you, Josiah," Jodi rubbed her hand along his forearm. "I'm just trying to help you. People aren't going to respect you if they see Ian hanging around with you."

She waited for his response. He couldn't meet her eye. He might have murmured, "I'm sorry," out loud, but he really wasn't certain.

Jodi strolled back to her seat as Mr. Gilchrist entered the room.

Josiah was sure that Ian must be in school, but he wasn't waiting at their usual lunch table when Josiah exited the lunch line. He glanced down. It wasn't a bad lunch. Better than oatmeal. But his enthusiasm for the day had dimmed after his conversation with Jodi. When he noticed Ian's empty seat, he started to worry.

Jake and several of the other freshmen greeted him excitedly when Josiah sat down. Apparently three rather long runs over the weekend hadn't dampened their spirits at all.

Jake read the question in Josiah's eyes. It wasn't too hard. They were fixed on Ian's vacant seat.

"He'll be here in a few minutes," Jake reassured Josiah. "Mr. Gilchrist wanted to talk to him after class."

The news was a profound relief. Josiah wondered why he was reacting so strongly to even a suspicion that something might have happened to Ian.

He was reminded of something. Josiah tried to keep the question neutral, even casual. But it had been in the back of his mind for over a week.

"Did you ever tell Ian that I only hang around with him because I feel sorry for him?" It still sounded like an accusation.

"No!" Jake looked shocked, then hurt. "I never even thought that! I like Ian. And I know Ian likes you.

"I like you, too," he added. And that assertion really seemed to amplify the pain in Jake's eyes.

Josiah scrambled to repair the damage. "But Ian told me… " That definitely seemed like the wrong course! And as he thought about it, Josiah realized that Ian hadn't named Jake explicitly when he had inquired about Josiah's motives for spending time with him. Ian had said that it was suggested by someone named J---, but he never finished naming that person.

Josiah scrambled awkwardly to explain. Jake listened. He accepted Josiah's apologies. But the hurt lingered in his eyes.

Ian's arrival energized the table. The conversation turned to the time everyone had spent together over the weekend and plans to keep training during the week. Josiah thought it would be best to simply share his schedule and invite everyone to join when convenient for them. Ian had other ideas. It took some persuasion from Josiah to convince him that everyone shouldn't be expected to train all seven days of every week!

Josiah noticed that Jake hadn't participated in the conversation as much as he usually did. He slipped in alongside Jake when the boy took his empty tray to the return line. He apologized again for failing to think before asking his earlier question. He squeezed Jake's shoulder reassuringly as they left the cafeteria together. But the stiffness of Jake's muscles and his posture suggested that it might take a while for Jake to get over having his loyalty questioned.

Josiah struggled for the remainder of the afternoon to regain his equilibrium. He realized that social skills really weren't his strength, and that he had inadvertently stepped on an emotional landmine with Jake. He never hurt anyone intentionally, and it really bothered him that he had hurt Jake. He seemed like a good kid and a loyal friend. He didn't know how he would make up for his mistake, but he vowed that he would.

When Josiah and Ian entered their Psychology classroom, Abby Joyce, the quiet junior girl, was the only person waiting in the room. She didn't even give them a chance to get settled at the desks.

"I think it's awful the way the rest of the class is treating you, Josiah," she informed him. "I hate even been here with some of those guys. I took this class because I thought it was for serious people, but instead… " she gestured helplessly toward the rest of the classroom.

"Ms. Porter is great. But sometimes these kids make it feel like we're still in grade school."

There wasn't much for Josiah to say, so he just nodded to express his agreement.

"I don't know if you even want to go to the Valentine dance," Abby continued. "If you do, I'd be happy to go with you... as your date or just as your friend." Her tone radiated sincerity. And a little self-righteousness. But mostly just sincerity.

Josiah found himself at a loss for words. Abby seemed nice. He believed that she meant what she said. But the idea of going to the dance just to be there didn't hold a lot of appeal for him. 'If Jodi were asking… ', the thought crossed his mind unbidden.

"Thanks, Abby. That's really nice of you," he said. "But I guess I'm not going. Nobody really wants to go with me."

In the corner of his eye, Josiah was aware of Ian's offended expression.

"Oh!" Abby smiled uncertainly. "I'm sorry, guys. I just thought that if you wanted to be there it would be nice… " She trailed off, then smiled brightly at both of them. "I hope that I do see you there!"

Josiah was confused. He thought there was some additional message in her words. He just couldn't decode it. But he had a thought.

"You said that you like Ms. Porter, Abby?"

She agreed, but seemed bemused by the change in the course of their conversation.

"Tell her," Josiah suggested. "I think it would be good if we all did that."

Abby looked at him quizzically. But she was smiling as she returned to her desk.

During their run that afternoon, Josiah, Ian and a half dozen freshman boys maintained a decent pace through the center of East Grange. The few streets were fairly quiet.

Josiah and Ian were chatting back and forth at the front of the pack, bantering casually, when he noticed movement in the corner of his eye. A flash of red exiting Maureen's Baked Goods. He glanced in that direction just as Jodi looked up, directly at him.

Josiah smiled and waved. Jodi's expression? He found it hard to read. But he was certain that she wasn't thrilled to see him.