By the time they got back with the food it was getting late and although Jimmy had tentatively suggested they might go to a film, neither of them really wanted to go out and Martin had cast his vote for an evening in front of the television. He was severely limited at home as to how much, and what, he was permitted to watch, and looked had forward to watching whatever he liked all evening.
They ate at the breakfast bar. Jimmy, smiling, refused to have the television on while they ate and grinned at his companion's disappointed face. "If you think I'm going to waste my time watching that thing while I have you with me, you've got another think coming, kiddo," he told him. Martin, too happy to really care, bestowed another of his brilliant smiles on him and gave himself over to whatever his companion had in mind. Jimmy felt his heart miss a beat and couldn't say anything more until he'd got his feelings under control.
When he could speak again, he simply said "Coffee?" and was about to get up to make it when Martin said, "I will."
Watching his neat, efficient movements, Jimmy marvelled at how competent he was with physical things, in contrast to the problems he had with his emotional life and relationships with his peers. Considering the attractiveness of his features, he couldn't understand why Martin was not one of the most popular boys in his class, if not the entire school. Memories of his own very different experiences had conditioned him to equate good looks with popularity and it seemed to him that there had to be something seriously wrong somewhere. Grateful as he was that the boy's isolation had drawn Martin to himself, he nevertheless wanted him to be happier at school where he would have to remain for some years yet. He had always assumed, since he got to know him, that Martin's troubles stemmed principally from his mother. He wondered now if there might not be a contributing factor from the boy himself, something deep in his personality. Putting the thought aside as disloyal, his gaze rested on Martin's back as he stood at the work surface. Even that view was beautiful he decided, admiring how it tapered down to his small waist then flared out slightly at his slim hips. He sighed as Martin surreptitiously put three spoons of sugar into his own mug before bringing him his coffee.
"Thanks Martin," he said, getting up, "Television time?" and sat down on the sofa.
Martin putting down his coffee carefully on the floor, dived into the Radio Times and rapidly read through the lists then having made his choice asked Jimmy what he would like to watch.
"I don't mind, you decide." All he really wanted was to look at Martin all evening. It was a pity ... then broke the thought off as he looked at the boy, sitting Japanese fashion with his legs tucked under like a Geisha girl, drinking his oversweet coffee.
"You look like Madame Butterfly in jeans," he told him.
Martin smiled. "Do you think I'd look better in a kimono?" he asked innocently.
"I think you'd look great in anything," Jimmy replied. "Or even in nothing at all," he added, smiling as Martin turned red.
Even as he blushed Martin felt a rush of happiness and experienced a surprising urge to pull off his clothes right then and there and show Jimmy exactly what he did look like. Provided he did the same of course he thought with a touch of guilt, and hurriedly picked up the remote control to turn on the TV.
As they watched a film which Jimmy found far less absorbing than the sight of the body sprawled on the carpet in front of him, Jimmy found his desire for the boy getting stronger by the minute. Try as he would, he couldn't get remotely interested in the story on the screen, his eyes kept coming back to the boy lying on his stomach, chin resting on his hands, seemingly completely absorbed.
In fact Martin wasn't as interested as he appeared to be. After nearly an hour he needed to change his position because he was getting a crick in his neck, and had no more knowledge of the drama unfolding on screen than Jimmy did. He was also starting to wonder if it had been a mistake to take up his favourite TV watching position. If I'd sat on the sofa, he thought, we might have been close together, even touching by now and that, he admitted to himself, was where he wanted to be very much. He was just nerving himself to make a move when Jimmy spoke.
"I don't know about you, but I haven't the faintest idea what it's about."
Martin rolled over onto his back displaying, Jimmy felt after a discreet glance, an even more delectable sight, and looked at him. "I'm a bit confused myself," he agreed. "I got to thinking about other things and stopped following the story."
"What things?" Jimmy asked, interested.
"Just, different things," Martin replied evasively, getting up and sitting for some unknown reason on the furthest chair from the sofa. "Shall I switch it off?"
"If you want to. It's not very interesting," Jimmy agreed, noting the evasion and hoping that it meant that Martin had been thinking about something sexy. Preferably himself.
"May I have some more coffee, please Jimmy?"
"Of course you can, kiddo, you don't need to ask. Just go and make it. No, on second thoughts I'll make it. I don't trust you with the sugar bowl," he replied, thinking no way kid. If you make it you'll hand it to me terribly politely then go and sit on the chair at the other end of the room again. I'm going to pile stuff on all the chairs before you arrive from now on, then we'll see.
"By the way Martin," he said over his shoulder, "Are you still feeling okay, no more headache?"
"I'm fine thanks, it's gone completely. I'm getting a bit tired though. It's all right," he said as Jimmy stopped what he was doing and looked concerned. "It's the effect of the tablet. It always happens. Tell me about the opera tomorrow."
Jimmy looked closely at his face, then said casually, "Okay. Get me the Opera book from the shelf by the window, please."
While he was searching for the book, Jimmy made up his mind about something, went into the bedroom and pulled the duvet and top sheet down to the bottom of the bed before bringing the coffee. He put the cups on the table in front of the sofa saying casually, "Come and sit here. There're some pictures of previous productions I want to show you."
In between sips of coffee, he described the characters and summarised the complicated plot then they poured over the pictures, their heads close together and their hands touching occasionally as they turned the pages.
Although Martin had never been to a live opera performance, he had seen several productions on television and was familiar with some of the music of Der Rosenkavalier which Jimmy had managed to get tickets for. It was one of Jimmy's favourites and he had played some of the music to Martin on several occasions. He was particularly looking forward to seeing the boy's reaction to it, but was at the same time, a little nervous. It was a complicated piece and not precisely what he would have chosen for someone's first visit to the opera house. Something simpler and more spectacular like Carmen would have been better but he'd had no choice in the matter, they were the only tickets available at such short notice. They talked for another hour or so and Jimmy made more coffee saying as he gave Martin the mug, "You're looking tired, and it's way past your bedtime, kiddo."
Martin attempted to glare at him but gave it up and raised a haughty eyebrow instead, provoking a grin from his companion.
He had known of course that bed was going to come sooner or later, but had not allowed himself to think about it in case his thoughts showed themselves in too embarrassing a fashion. Now with the thought of being in bed with Jimmy to say nothing of the leg pressed warmly against his own as they sat side by side on the sofa, the problem was growing more embarrassing by the minute. He was also getting nervous and to his annoyance as he brought his cup to his lips, the slight trembling of his hand rattled the rim against his teeth. Furious with himself he tightened his lips and forced his hand to stop shaking. Jimmy who had finished his coffee turned, and firmly taking the cup away from him, put it down on the table beside his own. Then before Martin could protest, put his arms around him and pulled him close.
Jimmy's earlier doubts had all but vanished. He was confident that the time was right and from the evidence of his eyes, that Martin was as ready as he was. Even, he thought wryly as he felt the boy tense, if he isn't ready to admit it. He forced himself to be patient and although he desperately wanted to caress the firm body, simply held the boy until he felt him begin to relax. Only then did he turn Martin's face towards him and kiss him gently, almost chastely, on the lips. He was certain that Martin would reject anything more passionate.
I wish he wasn't so shy he thought a little sadly, I want him so much and I know he really wants me too, but he keeps pulling back at the last minute, as if he's afraid of me. He doesn't have to do anything to me if he doesn't want to, he told himself, as he gently stroked the back of Martin's neck, as sensuously as he could.
Martin, whose entire body was beginning to tingle, found himself breathing faster and when Jimmy caressed his neck then ran his fingers gently up into his hair, it was all he could do to stop himself trembling. The more Jimmy touched him, the more sensitive his skin seemed to become, and just when he thought that he couldn't stand any more of it, it stopped. Coming to himself with a pang of disappointment, he found that Jimmy had got up off the sofa. Then Jimmy bent over, put one arm under his legs slid the other under his back, picked him up like a baby and carried him into the bedroom.
Although small and slim, Martin was well muscled and Jimmy found him surprisingly heavy. It's a good thing I'm reasonably strong, he thought as he managed the boy's weight. Martin was warm in his arms and in a contradictory fashion, both soft and firm at the same time. He looked down at the boy's face, admiring the neat dark eyebrows and the long lashes protecting the closed eyes. He has a beautiful nose he thought, and unable to resist it, lowered his head and kissed it. Martin's eyes flew open and gazed up at him with something in them of the clear, uncompromising look of childhood. Putting him down on the bed, feeling the pull on his muscles as the boy's weight shifted from the balanced position in which he had carried him, he saw that Martin had closed his eyes again and wondered what he was thinking. He hoped that it was about himself.
As he was put down gently on the bed Martin's mind seemed to be circling around aimlessly in his head. He knew what this was leading up to but was not able to visualise the details and he was growing more and more nervous as he wondered what Jimmy was going to want him to do. Intellectually, he was no sexual innocent. His surreptitious reading coupled with snatches of playground talk had told him what to expect, and he had dreamed of this moment for a very long time. But now that it had come, he was painfully aware of his lack of knowledge of the physical side of things.
Apart from the one episode with Alan that had caused him so much grief and pain, and his seduction at the age of fourteen by a younger though more mature boy, he had no experience to draw on, and he was desperately afraid that he would not be able to give Jimmy what he wanted.
He lay where Jimmy had put him down, nervous, frightened, eyes firmly closed, his heart beating fast, his breathing shallow. He felt Jimmy take off his trainers and socks then sit next to him and pull up his T-shirt. Almost against his will, he lifted himself as Jimmy pulled it carefully over his head, thinking that it would be his jeans next, then only his underpants would be between Jimmy and his most secret self. He knew only too well what Jimmy would see. Already he was hot, swollen and huge, and he began to panic as he felt Jimmy undo the button then gently pull down the zip. He wanted to stop him. All I have to do is say no he thought, and he'll stop. Or maybe he won't, and I don't know if I really want him to or not. But it seemed as if his body had a will of it's own and at Jimmy's urging hands, he lifted himself slightly as his jeans were slid down and then removed altogether.
He began to shiver, not from cold, as he waited for the inevitable next move. He can probably see everything anyway, he thought, but there was some comfort at least in the fact that he was still covered.
He barely heard Jimmy murmur softly, "God, but you're beautiful."
Jimmy had put his hands on the Martin's hips, ready to remove the last piece of his clothing when he felt him trembling. It was like being drenched with a bucket of cold water. He had been seeing the boy as a sexual object that he wanted desperately, and only now did he realise that Martin was literally shaking with fear. He found it almost impossible to understand. From the time that he himself had first been introduced to sex, he had approached the act with eager anticipation seasoned with lust, and with no hesitation or guilt. Martin's state of arousal had been more than obvious in his jeans and was positively riveting now without them, so why was he so afraid that he was actually shivering? For a moment he stayed absolutely still, then suppressing his own desires, he stood up, gently drew the sheet over the boy, rapidly undressed and climbed into the bed beside him.
"It's all right love," he murmured soothingly, much as he would have comforted a nervous puppy or kitten, "It's all right. Just trust me and lie still." He put his arms around Martin feeling instinctively that the boy needed some contact, and held him gently until his shivers died away to the occasional tremor, then finally stopped.
"I'm sorry," Martin whispered opening his eyes after what seemed to him a very long time.
"There's nothing to be sorry about," Jimmy reassured him. "Don't worry," he repeated, trying to think himself into the boy's head and feel what he was feeling. "Sometimes it's frightening to find out what you really want."
Martin wanted to tell him that that was the whole trouble. He wasn't sure what he wanted and even more important, he wasn't sure what Jimmy wanted. I could write it he thought, and a vision of himself in bed, solemnly writing notes to Jimmy about sex crossed his mind. His face broke into a small involuntary smile.
Jimmy, catching the movement out of the corner of his eye began to relax as well, and he wondered if Martin had noticed the erection pressing against one slim hip, and if he had, what he thought about it. As a matter of fact, Martin had been aware of it right from the start and had been unable to decide whether to feel complimented or ashamed that the sight of him seemed to have provoked it. His own penis was harder than ever and beginning to feel extremely cramped and uncomfortable, bent over as it was at an awkward angle in his underpants .
"Jimmy," he said, turning on his side to face him, but careful to pull away slightly so that there was no chance of it touching.
"Nothing," he muttered his courage, such as it was, deserting him as usual.
Jimmy, disappointed at the loss of contact pulled his head against him, his nose in the dark hair. It smelt young and sweet, not from shampoo he thought, but from himself. His whole body smells sweet like a baby, and he wondered what his own body smelt like to Martin and whether he liked it or not. He gave the boy a few minutes then moved his hands downwards, cupped the small firm buttocks and pulled Martin against his body. Martin resisted for a minute then with a small sigh, melted, as far as he was able to in his aroused state, against him.
"You are beautiful, you know," Jimmy said into his hair, "To look at, to feel and to touch," and moved his hand, caressing the strong yet delicately formed bones of the boy's spine. He could feel the tense muscles surrounding the bone and pulled the boy more tightly against him, wanting almost to crush his body right into his own, to make it part of him.
"I'm strangling," Martin muttered into his chest.
He felt the boys soft breath on his nipple and relaxed his hold slightly.
"I wouldn't want to strangle you," he said smiling, "You're far too pretty to be dead."
Martin felt a thrill go through him, delighted by the words but too shy to reply.
Jimmy caressed his back again. "I've wanted you ever since I first saw you. Have you ever wanted me?" he asked diffidently.
Martin wanted to shout, "Yes, I've wanted you all my life," but could only close his eyes despairingly.
When he didn't reply, Jimmy pulled his face up with a hand on his chin.
"Look at me. Look at me, please."
Martin's eyes opened.
"Don't you want me ... even a little?"
His voice was pleading and Martin, surprised out of his absorption with his own feelings, understood that this was really important to Jimmy and managed a small nod.
Jimmy relaxed, the tension going out of his body, except where it was most needed.
"That's okay then," he said with relief and kissed him. "I meant it about you being pretty you know," he said after a pause.
Martin looked at him dubiously. He liked being called beautiful but wasn't too sure about pretty, which had rather feminine overtones to it.
Quite aware of this Jimmy added teasingly, "You're not only pretty, you're very cute. As cute as... " he hesitated, searching for something that would amuse the boy, "As cute as sliced bread," he came up with triumphantly.
As he had intended, he knew how Martin's mind worked by now, the boy had an immediate vision of himself in a plastic wrapper with just his head and feet sticking out, and "Mother's Pride" printed in large letters across his congested midsection. He began to laugh, thinking hard.
"And you're cute too, like, like corn on the cob!"
"Huh?" Jimmy said inelegantly.
"Because of the colour of your hair, of course," he proclaimed between giggles, thinking how much he liked that particular shade of blonde.
"I'm too big to be called cute," Jimmy grinned at him. "And I'm not so sure about the corn bit either, except that the cobs do stick out from the stem rather." Then firmly pulled Martin towards him until their bodies touched again.
Martin's smile faded.
Jimmy sobered instantly. "What is it Mart? You were just beginning to relax and enjoy yourself. Now you've gone all serious again. What's wrong? Tell me. Please." Then added in a caring voice after a pause when Martin didn't reply, "Is it really so bad that you can't talk about it, even to me? Come on, you should know by now that you can tell me anything."
Martin took his courage in both hands, took a deep breath and said in a small voice before he had time to think and chicken out, "Do you think I'm too big?"
Jimmy was about to tell him that he was the perfect height and shape as far as he was concerned, when he realised what Martin really meant as he took in the significance of his emphasis on the pronoun. Oh Christ, he thought, they haven't given him a complex about that as well have they? At least it couldn't have been his bloody mother, though I wouldn't put anything past her. I need to sort this out right now, the kid has enough complexes without that as well.
He thought for a minute about how to handle it.
"I don't think so, by the feel of you. Close you eyes," he ordered unnecessarily, Martin's eyes were shut tightly. He gently disengaged himself and urged him onto his back.
Martin felt Jimmy move down in the bed then the sheet was drawn back uncovering him completely. He felt himself going scarlet as Jimmy put a hand under the small of his back and lifted him as his other hand slid his underpants over the small mounds of his bottom. Then Jimmy's hands were under the front of the waist band and gently working it over his erection and down his legs.
For a moment, after his released penis swung up and whacked with an audible thump against his stomach, nothing happened. He felt a lump in his throat and thought, I disgust him. I'm a freak just like Ross said, and he'll want me to go home and never see me again. I should never have said I'd stay tonight, if I hadn't been here he wouldn't have found out and, and we'd still be friends.
Jimmy didn't move and Martin lay there beginning to shiver again as he felt a cold drop of pre-orgasmic fluid drip onto his skin. He knew that Jimmy was looking at him and waited miserably for him to say something, tears beginning to squeeze through his eyelids. He was so convinced that Jimmy would reject him now that he knew the truth, that he didn't realise that the older boy had moved until he felt a gentle kiss on his penis which lifted strongly against the warm lips in response, and oozed another drop of fluid onto his belly. Jimmy's lips felt incredibly soft and agonisingly sexy. His eyes flew open in astonishment, as Jimmy slid up the bed to face him.
"It is a bit big compared to the rest of you, but that’s only because you're so small," Jimmy said seriously. "If you were taller, it would be exactly in proportion. And anyway, it's perfect, and beautiful ... and I love it." He had to smile at Martin's stunned expression. "You should be proud of it, not worried or ashamed. Who's been giving you a complex about it? Kiddo, any man would be proud to have one like that, let alone a boy. Did you think I wouldn't like it? Is that what you've been so afraid of all this time? Listen to me Mart, I'm gay. That means I'm turned on by cocks and balls and I'm specially turned on by yours because it's beautiful and a lovely shape. Heterosexual guys are turned on by tit's and cunts, so why shouldn't we be turned on by balls and cocks?"
This was such a new idea to Martin that he stumbled into speech. 'I've always thought that it was wrong to, you know, to think about it. I mean that ... well, it isn't, it can't be, I mean it shouldn't be ..." he broke off in utter confusion.
"You thought that your cock was just for wanking and screwing and not to be thought about, or even admired?"
Martin nodded at his understanding. Jimmy always seemed to have an answer for him. For someone who had been forced to rely on his own resources all his life, this sharing of a burden was very comforting.
Jimmy, lying on his side, his head propped up on his arm looked at him consideringly and decided he might as well get everything straight once and for all.
"I like every single bit of you Mart, from your mind," he touched his forehead, "To your cock, your bum and all the way down to your toes. There's just one thing..." he stopped as he felt Martin tense. "It's all right," he continued, "I was only going to say that I want to touch you and feel you and do things to you. But if I do anything that you don't want me to, or you don't like, tell me and I'll stop straight away. Okay?" He saw Martin nod, and added in an offhand tone, feeling that he shouldn't make too much of it at this stage. "That, by the way, goes for me too, though I can't imagine you ever doing anything to me that I wouldn't like."
He didn't wait for Martin to reply but very gently, and with a feather light touch, began to caress him, marvelling at the perfection of the beautifully formed body under his fingers. By the time his hand had moved from Martin's face, via ears and throat to his tiny but well defined breasts, he could feel the boy relaxing, relaxing as much physically as his sexual tension was rising. Still moving his hand he leant over and put his lips on Martin's. At first he was passive and unresponsive then his lips firmed and he started to return the kiss. Jimmy felt an almost overpowering urge to use his tongue but held back, afraid of going too fast. As his fingers reached and investigated Martin's neat little belly button, he felt him shyly and tentatively begin to touch him in return and knew that everything was going to be all right.
For Martin, who had only once touched someone other than himself, to freely feel and caress Jimmy was a delight. His nervous fingers became bolder as his embarrassment at feeling their erections pressing against each other began to subside. He even admitted to himself that he badly wanted to touch Jimmy there as well, but was still too shy.
Boys know instinctively that what gives them pleasure will be equally pleasurable to another boy and as he began to trace the outlines of Jimmy's chest, he found to his surprise that this increased his own pleasure in a sort of ascending spiral of delight and passion.
Jimmy's hand moved lower, his fingers delicately brushing through Martin's small patch of soft, silky pubic hair, and he sighed as Jimmy skirted his cock then gently began to stroke his balls. He started to tremble and Jimmy, realising that he was close to the point of no return, took the boy's velvet skinned, hard to bursting cock in his hand, and gently started the delicious, familiar movement.
Martin felt a sweetness that seemed to start at his toes and move up his legs until it reached the part that Jimmy was manipulating, at the same time as a similar sweetness crept down his body from the top of his head. As the two met, he felt his passion rise until suddenly the feeling took hold of and firmly grasped his lifted cock, sweet, beautiful and totally out of his control. It overcame him in a white hot flash of pleasure and as Jimmy held his shuddering, spasming, spurting body, his hand groped blindly and grasped Jimmy's own swollen and aching penis. He had barely done so, when he heard Jimmy's, indrawn gasp, felt him stiffen, convulse and ejaculate in turn against his hip, over and over again.
Weak and dazed, they lay still for some minutes, then Jimmy tenderly pulled Martin's wet, sticky body even closer and settled it comfortably against himself.
Martin feeling uplifted, relieved, tingling, satisfied and drained all at the same time, felt how they fitted together so satisfyingly and whispered, "That was my best ever. Thank you Jimmy."
Jimmy, who had expected him to run true to form and be highly embarrassed and unable to talk about it, was so moved he couldn't speak himself for a minute.
"It was the greatest for me too. I've wanted to do that to you for so long," he said and kissed the top of his head.
"I didn't really do much to you'" Martin said in a conscience stricken voice. "I hardly touched you before you started."
"It was enough love, just you touching me was enough. And next time will be even better because we won't be so quick."
Martin nodded a little doubtfully. Nothing, he thought, would ever feel as good as what had just happened to him, but for the moment he was feeling so satisfied he couldn't be bothered to think about it. Content to be held securely in Jimmy's arms, enjoying the occasional small after shocks still occurring in his penis, all at once he was filled with an overwhelming love for the older boy.
I love him he thought, utterly astonished. I have for ages and never knew it. How could I not have noticed? For a moment in the shock of his discovery, all his inhibitions and unexpressed feelings of guilt vanished, and he wriggled round in Jimmy's arms, pulled his head down and kissed him passionately.
"Did you mind me coming against you like that?" Jimmy asked diffidently, when he had got his breath back after this satisfying, if surprising move. "I couldn't help it when you touched me, I just exploded!"
In reply, Martin leaned up and kissed him again. "I didn't mind," he answered politely, so as not to hurt Jimmy's feelings, then discovered that he really meant it! Another surprise, and just as nice. "But next time I want to watch when it happens to you. That would be really exciting."
"I don't think you'll have to wait very long," Jimmy said, glancing down to where they were both still youthfully erect, and added wickedly, "It'd be only fair. After all, I watched you!"
Martin punched him lightly and lovingly in the ribs then, as Jimmy hoped and expected, blushed brilliantly and beautifully, all the way down to his toes.
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