"It's a mild cardiac condition, Ms Gardner. She can suit up and help you with records, supplies and cleanup while the other girls practice, shower and dress."
Jeff Collins, Mather High principal, suburban Tallahassee, Florida, was introducing his daughter Christine to the girl's gym coach the week before Christine was to enter ninth grade.
Christine Collins was born with genital anomalies that caused confusion as to the child's gender. Upon consultation and X-rays the female box was marked and the birth certificate issued.
Jeff and Pat, the confused parents, were counseled by their doctor and referred to a posek, a Jewish legal scholar intimately acquainted with the minutia involved in deciding gender. The posek confirmed the doctor's gender decision and recommended a neutral upbringing for Christine. As the family was not Jewish, a wait and see recommendation was presented.
Chris or Christy wore neutral clothing, played with 'girl' and 'boy' toys, had male and female playmates and was encouraged to express both sides of her personality. In short, Christine Collins was raised to become a well-rounded adult.
* * *
By Christine's fourteenth year it was becoming apparent to parents and child that development into a woman might be very slow and perhaps incomplete.
"And yet she could function as a woman, and adoption is available if she wished to marry and have a family without the risk of birth complications." The doctor was listing options as he laid out the future for Chris and her parents. "If you desire, Christy, you could have surgery to reduce the size of your pseudo-penis. Sensation would most probably be diminished however."
Parting with her 'Nicky' as she had lovingly named it, the best source of sexual pleasure Christine Collins had ever experienced, was definitely not an option.
No widening of the hips, no breast development, a slight deepening of voice and an attraction to girls as well as to boys, loaded Christy's plate. Equipped with a vagina and an enlarged clitoris that became erect when stimulated and had enlarged even more for the attention she'd given it the last year and a half, she was at a loss as to what to do. Changing schools to change apparent gender was a major obstacle for the family as Dad was principal of the school she'd be starting next week and was contracted to remain for four years. Legally becoming a boy seemed more than the family could handle, job- and emotion-wise.
Besides, if she opted to dress and behave as a boy, her attraction to boys could become a slight problem for all concerned.
Christine Collins was accustomed to being a girl. She was having fun as a girl. So she might have to take body hair growth inhibitors, shave, wax or have electrolysis to keep her feminine looks, many girls did. She was good with make-up, her body language said 'girl'. She adored feminine clothing and could pad things here and there for effect. A girl with a long clit seemed preferable to a boy with a vagina and no balls.
"One last thing," the doctor added. "You'll need this evaluation to excuse Christy from gym. Ethically I can't lie about her condition. However I can mix enough medical terms into my report that even the school nurse will be unsure of the real reason for the excuse."
* * *
There were many new kids. Five middle schools fed into Mather. Christine had a certain currency being the principal's daughter. This was useful in some circumstances, detrimental in others. Recognition could be good and bad, like being the preacher's kid after Sunday school.
There were few questions about gym. Satisfied by Ms Gardner's explanation, the kids accepted the 'coach's assistant who just happened to be the principal's daughter' with mixed feelings from sympathy for her condition to principal's kid privilege.
Christy kept a low profile, was helpful, friendly and social. It appeared that the transition to high school would succeed.
Halloween passed. Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks followed in quick succession. It seemed that no untoward events would mar Christy's first year of high school. There was a brief sensation before Spring break surrounding the dismissal of Nurse Cramer for doctoring certain football physicals in return for financial remuneration, the ultimate sources of which were not revealed. Being the principal's daughter gave Christy an insider's view to what happened. She read between the lines of local news accounts describing purported reasons for sudden vacancies in prominent political positions. Though the team had done well to that point, the deduction of three ineligible players' scores ruined the school's chances for the prestigious Weissman trophy for that year.
She saw no way in which the matter could involve her.
During lunch break Ron Riley, one of the disqualified players, did sit down next to Christy and invite her to a pool party the coming Saturday at his home. At first Christy declined politely on the basis of her age. When Ron, who was in eleventh grade, assured her of appropriate chaperoning and her father's ties with his, she added that she had a condition that precluded any form of stress such as swimming. Ron then suggested she sit out any activities poolside.
"I'd still rather not, Ron," she said politely.
"Afraid to show what you've got, Christy," he taunted, and rose suddenly to leave.
Christy was so taken back that she just stared in shock.
"What do you mean by that, Ron Riley?" Christy's girlfriend Sandy snapped.
"I think she knows," he shot back and sauntered toward waiting friends who were wearing broad grins.
Christy fought back her tears as they'd only bring questions. "I'm okay," she reassured Sandy, but she received a comforting hug and then an odd stare as they separated.
"Late bloomer, huh?" Sandy said, lowering her eyes to Christy's breasts.
"What? Oh, yeah, I guess." Christy was recovering. "Maybe that's what he meant," and she smiled, hoped it was true and thought nothing more about the incident.
* * *
"Mom! Come quick!"
Pat Collin quickly grasped the significance of the single word on the screen. In five minutes Principal Collins had personally confirmed that his daughter's medical folder containing the excuse was missing.
'CLITOROMEGALY' stilled flashed accusatively as Jeff Collins strode into Christy's room and bent over the screen.
[Author's note: Clitoromegaly-an enlarged clitoris.]
"Dead ends in India best I can tell," he said a few minutes later. "Can't prove a thing but I suspect nurse Cramer and some computer geek at school and probably the Riley boy are behind this." Christy had just mentioned yesterday's strange comment and the emphasis Ron Riley had placed on the word 'she'. He saved the message and closed the window.
"First, give no indication you've seen this or any other messages you might receive. Second, we get you a new email address."
* * *
Spring break was not the carefree time Christy had been looking forward to. The last week before break, there were increasing numbers of stares and snickers as she passed huddled groups. Girls began looking her over in gym. Even boys were beginning to examine her with prurient interest.
Hoping for relief, Christy planned some time alone at home.
Well into assigned reading, it was three o'clock before she stopped for lunch. The potato salad was interrupted by a knock at the front door. She answered and recognized two boys from school.
"Hey, Christy. What ya'll up to?"
"Reading, Bri," she said flashing the book.
The boys said nothing but shot each other glances and Bri nudged the other who Christy knew as JD.
"We were passing by and stopped to see if you'd like to go over to the fairground to watch them set up," asked JD. Bri had meanwhile moved slightly to one side and a little behind Christy so she could not back into the house.
She and her Dad had talked about curiosity, escalation and exposure in much more adult terms since the emails, of which several more increasingly crude examples had slipped by the address change. 'Be as casual as possible but be ready for anything,' her Dad cautioned.
Christy's awareness shot up as she sensed Bri's arm shoot across the doorway. At that moment JD lowered his hand to her crotch while Bri's other arm swept across her chest, his hand plunging inside her bra.
Christy lashed out with the book catching JD across the throat. Then she pulled back instinctively, catching Bri on the nose with the back of her head.
Angered, the pair was about to renew their exploration when JD suddenly jerked back, cleared the porch and landed on his face on the walk. Christy had seen her rescuer coming and ducked clear of Bri who quickly joined JD, still examining the walk close up.
A hand reached down and helped her up. "You okay Christy?" Luke Andersen, wrestling team captain, tenth grade, asked.
"I will be," Christy replied shakily.
Luke turned to attend to Bri and JD but they had struggled together to their feet and reached the street.
Luke turned back to Christy who had leaned back against the wall. Luke stared for a moment then said, "Perhaps you should adjust that," and nodded toward her chest.
Still in shock, Christy could do no more than stare down at her padded bra as it dangled to one side of her chest revealing one perfectly formed, ordinary, everyday boy's breast. She was close to tears.
Luke reached out, tucked the torn accessory into her blouse, buttoned the garment and placed a comforting hand on Christy's shoulder.
"Just a minute young man," boomed Jeff Collin's voice. "That's as far as you go."
Luke spun around as he was gripped fast on his wayward arm. "I was only... "
"I saw what you were only doing. Luke Andersen isn't it? I suppose you realize how serious this is?" Jeff Collins fumed.
"Dad-dy!" Christy cried, jarred to her senses and stamping her foot for emphasis. "Let him go! Didn't you see those two... bastards... " and she emphasized the word to get her father's attention, "running off as you drove up?"
"I saw them, but I caught this one! And don't you use that tone and word with me, young lady!"
Christy drew herself up to her most composed height, looked her father in the eye and with sudden deadly calm said, "Luke pulled those two bastards off of me and threw them off the porch. When you arrived, he was repairing the damage they'd done to my clothes and comforting me. Now please take your hand off him."
Principal Collin's mouth opened as if to reply, then closed. Then his hand dropped. He looked at Luke who had maintained a calm dignity throughout the whole exchange. "Yes, I see it in your eyes. You could not look at me if this were not true. You have my apologies Luke, and my thanks. Please come in while I see to Christy and get some details."
By the time Jeff Collins had added Luke's recounting of the incident to Christy's, she had returned, changed and with makeup on a bruised cheek.
Luke rose, placed his hands on her shoulders and asked, "You okay, kid?"
"After today I'm no longer a kid," she whispered.
Luke shuddered slightly and looked deeply into Christy's eyes. "No, you're definitely not a kid."
Christy nodded then drawing intimately close to him turned her face to his and said, "Thank you, Luke."
Luke was lost in Christy's eyes. "I could not have done otherwise... Christy." He spoke her name as a whispered prayer.
Luke tore his attention from Christy and turned to Mr. Collins. "I expect you'll want me here when the police arrive."
Mr. Collins stood and addressed Luke quietly. "There will be no police, Luke."
Luke looked at Christy who nodded in confirmation.
"I... think I understand, sir. Christy is not all she seems and I've heard some very nasty slurs. If I can be of any help, in keeping this quiet, in protecting Christy... " His voice trailed off as Christy put her arms around him and kissed him gently on the lips.
Addressing Mr. Collins, Luke asked for permission to take his daughter to the carnival that evening. "With your acceptance of course," he said to Christy.
* * *
"For now we'll keep them guessing." Jeff Collins was outlining a plan to Pat and Christy.
"This is a delicate matter. I'll not have you dragged through a show and tell in a 'court of law' but not of compassion. And my position as a principal would place me under suspicion of retaliation against the pair who would lose no time making life difficult for you and the school community."
Christy was pensive. "Perhaps we should explain my nature and ask for understanding," she suggested.
"In a better world, dear," said Mom. "But to people in this part of the country even homosexuality is still considered a sin punishable by banishment and worse. You understand from the history of sexuality we've discussed that as a hermaphrodite you'd be feared, hated, even looked upon as a witch or devil's child, and most certainly made fun of. That your father was able to hold onto his job after we stopped going to church was due only to the quiet way in which he handled the dismissal of nurse Cramer."
"I'm sorry this has happened to you. I've already sent feelers to schools in states with a more progressive outlook on sexuality," Dad said. His teaching specialty was sex education. He preferred it to a principal's position.
Christy nodded in understanding.
"Now, when's Luke picking you up?" her Father asked, changing the subject.
"Seven-thirty. He said we'd be back from the carnival by ten."
"Ten-thirty latest," her Mother said, remembering how quickly time could fly on a date.
"Thanks, Mom, Dad. Got to get ready."
* * *
Luke Andersen took after the short stocky side of his family. A year older and barely taller than Christy, they were a good match with light and medium light blonde hair.
Luke had easily moved to team captain. Those he'd wrestled said it was like trying to sit on four springs at once. Arms and legs refused to be pinned, body twisted and writhed. He was never still, never where expected from one moment to the next.
Christy still maintained the litheness of a boy yet carried it well in girl's clothing, giving her the Twiggy look of the 60s. She moved with a controlled grace that complemented her slight appearance. Sweeping her dress under her, she settled on the bench of a picnic table in the central eating area. She watched Luke's movements at the ticket booth and drink stand.
Luke returned with a strip of tickets tucked in his belt and placed two orange drinks on the table. He sat, on the opposite bench Christy noticed.
"Do I please you?" she asked as Luke, who had failed to comment on any aspect of her appearance, drained his cup and set it aside.
Luke's eyes lowered, then his head and his shoulders. Christy reached for his hand. When Luke raised his head, she saw that his eyes were glistening.
"Christy, I'm sorry. I'm a little new at this."
"My first date too," she replied. "I guess that was a loaded question."
Luke looked sheepishly at Christy and said quietly, "I mean with a girl."
Christy stared at Luke for long moments before understanding, maybe, just maybe, what Luke was trying to tell her. She reached for his other hand.
"But not with a boy? Is that what you are trying to say, Luke?" she asked, squeezing his hands to give him assurance that she was not in any way repelled by the prospect.
"Yes, Christy," he said softly. "I can take you home if you are uncomfortable with me or if I'm not what you hoped for. We did meet under unusual circumstances. And yet... "
"And yet?" Christy encouraged.
"And yet I've been drawn to you ever since I first saw you last September. And when I saw... " and Luke blushed with confusion.
"I've been meaning to thank you for not asking about that," Christy cut in. "I don't think either Bri or JD had time to see the results of their mischief between my bookwork on JD and your handiwork on them."
"You are welcome." He paused, then words pent up inside tumbled out. "That moment... when I saw... you. I would never share that moment with anyone. I've thought of nothing but you since. You have no idea what you mean to me... what you do to me... "
Christy placed a finger on Luke's lips. "I think perhaps I do Luke. I am the boy you long for and cannot have openly, in the guise of a girl who you cannot desire inwardly but can be seen with outwardly."
Luke's tears began to flow. He could barely make his words understood for the constriction in his throat. "You have no idea what it's like to be torn like this, never having been free to love openly, to be made to feel like dirt under everyone's feet because you are not like everyone else, to live in constant fear of discovery, and to find you and to want you desperately and to know that I'll never be able to make you happy... " Luke's remaining words were unintelligible.
Christy stood and came around the table, sat next to Luke and put her arms about him, holding him tight. People passing by glanced their way. Christy did not care. This was far beyond the world's business. This had become deeply private and personal and at this moment no one could help or perhaps even understand.
"Shhh my love. It's all right. Listen to me. I've something to tell you but you must be receptive and we must go elsewhere." Christy was rocking Luke gently, comforting him, waiting for him to return to her.
Luke was nodding in understanding, shaking his head in denial. "I cannot be your love, ever, you understand why yet you call me that. Do you know what a life of misery I'd impose on you? Always longing for that which you are not and can never be but only seem to be."
"Let's go to the lake," Christy encouraged. "Away from this noise and confusion." She lifted Luke.
* * *
In a few minutes that seemed endless, the couple had picked their way through the carnival throng. Some of Christy's girlfriends made signs of recognition and approval. One boy gave Luke a longing and questioning stare but Luke did not respond. He was not fully aware of his surroundings and relied on Christy to guide him, the devastation of the evening uppermost in his mind.
The breeze off the lake chilled them and they drew together on the leeward side of a sheltering tree trunk, their jackets placed over them.
Christy turned toward Luke. "Please listen carefully to what I'm about to tell you. You say I have no idea what it's like to be torn, yet I am; to be feared, hated perhaps, but I have been; to know what it's like to be different, and I am; to live in fear of discovery, yet I do; to need someone like you desperately, and I have that need; and to despair of making another happy, and I am that despondent.
"You say that you were attracted to me and you saw a part of me and understood that attraction. What you may have heard about me is quite true. Luke do you know what a hermaphrodite is?"
Luke's breath drew in suddenly at the word. "We are studying mythology. They were mentioned. I seemed to know a lot more about it than anyone else in class did or would admit. That is one of the slurs some boys were spreading about you."
"Give me your hand Luke." Luke hesitated. "Don't be nervous."
Christy guided Luke's hand under her dress and toward her panties.
Luke was resisting. "Don't expect too much Christy. I've often wondered what it would be like to touch a girl and whether I'd enjoy it."
"You've touched a boy." It was more a statement than a question.
"That's a probable yes. Then touch me. You might like it just as much."
Christy placed Luke's hand on the front of her panties. As she did so she drew a shuddering breath. Her enlarged clitoris, usually about two inches long had extended to nearly four inches. Although she had no scrotum, her large labia gave the illusion of such. The whole effect was quite convincing.
Luke's hand began to explore of its own accord. Christy was breathing in short gasps. "Don't stop Luke. It drives me wild when I do it to myself."
Luke's hand was wandering under the elastic of Christy's panties. He was weeping quietly with joy, with relief, with bare comprehension. "I... " he began.
"Don't talk beloved, just do. Be yourself. Climax me... gently." Then she lost herself in the pleasure of Luke's touch.
* * *
Luke's arms held Christy tightly to him, warming her, protecting her, treasuring her. He had come with the sheer joy of discovery while pleasing her but was not sure of her understanding and acceptance, and had left it unannounced. He was seeking the right words of gratitude, of care, of appreciation for such an unexpected and delight filled discovery. A whispered, 'Chris, I love you,' was as much as he could manage without revealing the inadequacy of words at such a time.
Luke and Chris lingered long that carnival evening. In later life the sounds and smells of a Spring carnival would elicit poignant memories of how perfect newly discovered love could be.
* * *
"How was your date dear," her Mom asked as Christy closed the front door softly. "Have you been crying?" her Mother asked, suddenly alarmed.
"They were good tears," Christy reassured her. "Everything went wonderfully. Now I need to be by myself. Talk to you in the morning. G' night, Mom."
* * *
"Luke loves me. I love him." Christy was still flushed from last night. "I think he has since September." Her parents knew the signs and let her get to what she would and would not reveal.
"He is the most amazing match for me, Dad," she exclaimed.
"Most boys and girls are an amazing match, Christy. You didn't... " Jeff Collins began to inquire.
"No Dad, we didn't match that way."
"Ahh... the other way then. So he's gay... and you... "
"Dad! I can go either way. But to find a boy who does not want to change me, well he did ask if he could call me Chris. But to be loved for all of who I am by someone who needed me so much but thought he could never love me the way a girl needs to be loved... Ohh it's so wonderful!" And Chris rose, swirled about the room, and settled in a nearby chair.
"Don't you see? It's perfect. I want to be a girl but with a man he'd have to get by the extras. So would a lesbian. If I had to be the husband I'd have to find a girl who could be happy with less than a full load or didn't want children. But with a gay boy... oh it's so much better this way!"
"Christ-ine!" her Mother exclaimed.
"Now dear, she's had to grow up under very unusual circumstances, she's bound to have a few unusual... prospects, " Dad explained.
"Along with a unique solution, a girl with a gay boyfriend. Who'd have thought," Mom concluded.
* * *
"Luke," Jeff Collins nodded as he let the boy in.
"Sir," Luke acknowledged as he entered.
"Sit down, Luke. We need to talk."
Mom and Chris entered with refreshments and all seated themselves at the dining room table.
"Well," Jeff Collins began, addressing Luke primarily, "this is a bit different from the usual teacher and student conference."
"Yes sir," agreed Luke, not picking up on the lead.
"Some cookies, Luke," Mom offered, "and perhaps a little on your intentions." Then she quickly added, "Not marriage," when she saw the alarm on the boy's face.
Luke placed the cookie un-nibbled on the plate and said, "This is a little difficult. I'm not sure what I should say."
Chris scooted her chair next to Luke's and put her arm about him.
"Luke I think what they mean is how will we handle a rather unique love affair and school," Chris said.
Luke thought for a moment. "Chris told me what she told you so you know I'm... gay." He paused. "Funny, I've never said that out loud to anyone before. It's such a relief. But when I think of how I relate to Chris, somehow it doesn't feel gay because although I'm attracted to her in that way, she is a girl too and I can be with the one I love in that special way all out in the open with no stress for either of us."
"Luke it's good to know that you are comfortable with your and our daughter's differences... and similarities. But others are not. Have you given any consideration to that?"
"For a few years, sir. I'm gay. It creates problems. It taught me to fight. There are rumors of Chris's differences. A few boys know of mine. It wouldn't take long for kids to figure our match was a little more perfect than the usual couple's. The occasional fight is effective. Continuous fights confirm suspicions. Denying peoples suspicions will bring Chris's medical record on line.
"Chris and I are going to keep things low key hoping that to most we will appear the usual couple going steady, if you have no objection to that, sir, ma'am."
Jeff Collins glanced at his wife who nodded.
"I like that approach. But consider this, your unique qualities and needs have drawn you together and bound you as no others in your school could be bound. A separation would leave Chris dangerously vulnerable to heterosexual males advances as a girl with 'experience' and dangerously void of the very advances she needs, those of gay males. And you, Luke, would lose a treasure of great value, the freedom to love openly in a homophobic society. This is not a demand that you stay together but a request that you not take lightly the display of your commitment to each other. "
"Dad you have no idea how much we want and need this to work. It's like being married, big personal expense to separate." She paused. "How soon could we marry, Dad?"
"It's a little premature to be talking marriage, Chris," said Dad. "But just so you know, in
Florida it's sixteen or seventeen with parental consent, younger if pregnant." He paused to allow comment and to refill his coffee cup.
Luke turned to Chris. "I don't think my parents would give their approval, even under the extreme condition of pregnancy. They're awful straight laced."
"More juice, Luke? And tell us about the avoidance of a pregnancy," Pat Collins inquired.
"Mo-ther!" Chris exclaimed. "Really! I'm quite capable of handling that. There's a lot about me that I'll have to explain to Luke since I'm not your regular model. We've scarcely had time to think about pregnancy, let alone seek it. But just so you know, neither of us are particularly thrilled about the mechanics."
Luke was squirming a little at the open treatment of the subject. Suddenly he lowered his gaze. Chris knew the signs and put her arm around him again.
"What is it dears," asked Pat Collins, addressing them both.
Luke raised his head. "My folks don't know I'm gay and here you are talking about everything and anything to do with the most intimate details of our sex life and our love without the slightest embarrassment or anger. I'd be dead meat if my folks found out about any of this. I stopped going to church 'cause I didn't like what everyone was saying about gays. Did that ever cause a fuss.
"The real source of our problem, ma'am, is homophobia. In wrestling we are taught to attack the source of an opponent's strength, not to nibble around the edges."
I think I can do something about that," said Dad.
* * *
At a specially convened meeting of the school board Principal Collins proposed the long overdue founding of a local chapter of PFLAG. To involve the school directly, he suggested Luke encourage his gay friends to start a GSA. Backed by federal rulings on equal access and freedom of expression, the GSA blossomed overnight despite local pastors' dire warnings.
Mather's rival school immediately implemented its own GSA. Then the alliance spread to middle schools and the slightly younger, more progressive parents succeeded in establishing a PFLAG group despite the initial hostility to Principal Collins' proposal at his last school board meeting.
"I guess I just found something I like better," explained Luke to his friends. "Must have been more bisexual than I though. Chris sure set me straight," and he winked.
Chris and Luke joined the GSA and contributed an unusually broad understanding about issues for two 'straight' members.
Brian and John Donald, Bri and JD, apologized profusely and privately to Christine and her parents. "Luke wouldn't have had anything to do with that, would he, Christine?" her Dad asked after closing the front door.
"Of course not Dad," she winked. "But I did hear something about their approval to join the wrestling team being delayed by the team captain for some obscure reason."
* * *
"So there's nothing wrong with your heart?" Luke asked in relief as Chris began her second year at Mather with a gym excuse.
Chris shook her head and swallowed a bite of an after-school snack. After glancing about the diner she leaned close and whispered, "It's 'Nicky' that's the problem."
Luke stopped in mid-bite, "Nicky? Who's Nicky. Don't remember meeting him."
"Silly, you met him on our first date," and she leaned over and whispered, "in my panties."
Luke hastily chewed, swallowed and nodded. "I can see where he would be a problem in girls' gym. So who're you taking to the Sadie Hawkins Dance?"
"Haven't decided yet," she said playfully. Then, "Seriously, do you think we should date someone else?"
"I don't think we can ever date someone else, Chris," Luke said. "I guess it could come naturally to you to date a boy," then he winked, "me too. But not an option for me... yet."
"Ever, Luke Andersen," Chris emphasized.
"'Sides, I've only seen one boy who attracts me," Luke mused. They were strong enough in their trust of each other that such thoughts could be voiced in comfort.
Chris elbowed him. "Who? Have you... "
"Of course not Chris. I talked to him during the GSA membership drive and I know he's attracted to me but he believes he hasn't a prayer of getting in my shorts."
"Luke Andersen! You can be so crude... does he?"
"Sorry. Guess it's a bit different for girls. No he doesn't. It's just a natural thought. Haven't you thought of another boy... ?" Luke remembered Chris's handling by Brian and JD and wished he'd not said that. He still had to exercise some restraint when loving her. The sex-craved rush to lay hands and mouth on genitals that he'd experienced with boyfriends before he knew her, was misunderstood by Chris who was emotionally all girl.
"Sorry again," he apologized quickly. "Guys use the direct approach."
"And girls the indirect," Chris reminded him.
"What about girls? Haven't you thought about it?"
"Sure," Chris replied without hesitation. "But not fucking them. It would be a lesbian involvement with an unusual extra."
The thought of Chris's 'unusual extra' in the employ of a boy or a girl stirred twinges of jealousy in Luke, and insecurity. He'd needed to know about the girls but wished he hadn't asked.
Chris detected Luke's concern. She placed a reassuring hand on his arm. "Won't happen, Luke."
Their relationship had not been entirely blissful as with any relationship. It was sometimes seriously stressed by the knowledge of what a split would do to them beyond the usual let down that couples experience. A third party's involvement with either of them would raise complications beyond comprehension.
Chris was developing tiny, child-like breasts, but try as he may, Luke was not sexually aroused, by them or by her vaginal opening though he'd explored it with a finger.
"How big do you think your breasts will get?" Luke asked.
It was time. "Luke you need to know what our future may hold. X-rays have shown I have all the parts to grow a child. What they don't show is if they will all work together or at all. I haven't had my first ovulation yet, though it's not beyond hope. Final breast size is unknown but they'd enlarge if I got pregnant and would probably serve. If I ovulate, and if I become pregnant, unless my bone structure had enlarged, I'd not be able to pass a baby and would be delivered by C-section.
"I don't know about hormone imbalance but I've not started growing boy-like body hair so there's some hope that I'll remain woman-like without too much maintenance to stay that way."
Luke became alarmed. "Will you... ?" he began, then hesitated and lowered his eyes. 'Is that all she means to me?' he asked himself. 'A socially safe girl on the outside with a boy's dick underneath.'
He felt shame, confusion and trepidation. What if she did finally develop into a woman at the expense of her... attribute? He realized he'd never settled on a word for 'it' and had avoided the subject. He remembered the original attraction, boy breasts, boy-like figure, the miracle of her... her what? Again he searched for the word. He did not fancy a female descriptor yet she was becoming a young woman. Was it a betrayal to use a male word? Chris called it 'Nicky'. He tried it in various sentences and found it wanting, cute, but not serious or sexy enough for a revered sex object.
And could he remain attracted to her if she became all curves and bulges and looked like Sandy with those huge flaring hips boys drooled over, the over-stuffed butt and the projecting breasts they longed for?
Then he thought of his grandmother, now small and frail with pendulous desiccated breasts, skin wrinkled and tissue thin and speckled with age spots, bowed of body, white of hair. He thought of how he cared for her, and how his grandfather had, and he saw the value of love as a bulwark against fleeting youth. It will be all right as long as there is love, of the whole person.
Chris was waving a hand before his eyes. "Hello in there. Where did you go? What did I say that sent you away?"
Luke grasped her hand. "I don't know what to call it," he confessed. "You won't lose it as you grow to be a woman will you?" he blurted out.
"Luke Andersen you can be such a ninny at times. I won't lose my dick any more than you'd lose your dick."
Luke shuddered with relief and with sexual delight. "God I love it when you say dick. I wish we were alone right now."
"You've got it bad haven't you, you poor thing. We'd better get you somewhere where you can jump my bones," she whispered.
Luke shuddered again. "I think there's more boy in you than meets the eye."
They departed discussing the most available place.
* * *
Understanding of GLBT issues was improving at school and in the community but the spreading acceptance created vociferous hate groups opposing such 'blasphemy'. One group consisted of Ron Riley and friends.
At home the pressure was finally off Luke to begin dating girls. 'If they only knew,' he thought, and immediately dismissed the consequences with a shudder. 'With any luck they need never know.'
His folks had almost discovered his secret. Last September in tenth, Luke and his boyfriend devised a plan whereby they could be seen at a distance together by Luke's parents to assuage concerns about dating.
In his friend's bedroom, he'd helped Tony get into his sister's clothes. Lacking experience, the makeup and hair would have failed a close up. They managed a hurried wave as they passed Luke's house and begged off an invitation to come in claiming they would miss the start of the movie.
Forgetting to bring a change of clothes for Tony, they'd walked the streets for three hours until they could sneak into Tony's bedroom. While out together they discovered and enjoyed the freedom to hold hands in public and to sit close while drinking sodas. They even kissed twice.
"What?" Tony asked as Luke stood staring at him, his head cocked to one side.
"You, in your sister's clothes," Luke mused. "It's very attractive. It's also very confusing and makes me sad because as careful as we might be, we'd soon be discovered, and separated. I don't think we should ever do this again or I won't be able to keep my orientation hidden, and I don't want to be forced to stay away from you."
After that night, Luke sought what he feared didn't exist and thrilled to find it that very month in Christine Collins, a ninth grade boy-angel in girl's clothing.
* * *
Mather's approach to the harvest season was to hold a Sadie Hawkins Dance in mid November to cover the Halloween and Thanksgiving period. One could dress in themed costumes and the decorations suited either occasion.
That afternoon, at Luke's house in the cellar a private costume fitting was in progress.
"I knew we should never have stripped to our underwear, Luke Andersen," Chris sighed as Luke placed his mouth over 'Nicky' and she found his very erect penis with hers.
Chris was by now quite accustomed to the 'peculiar way' boys with fully functional penises displayed their satisfaction. As she moved with Luke toward that satisfaction, she though of the first time she experienced 'cum'.
It was an early Summer Friday night. She could not remember the movie or whose car it was. Though Sandy and her latest were out of sight in the front seat, Chris and Luke had extra reason to guard against exposure. They were rubbing each other gently beneath clothing. She felt Luke stiffening in the seat, raising his buttocks. He had stopped stroking her. Then he gave a stifled sigh and she felt warm wet squirts in her hand. Luke slowly, quietly settled back. He resumed rubbing her.
Chris held up the band of Luke's underwear, withdrew her wet hand, smelled, tasted, licked and swallowed until her hand was empty. Then she put her hand on Luke's shrinking penis and milked the rest from him. She'd been reading about this but words cannot describe everything. Taste, smell, the empowering feeling of having such control over a boy and of receiving such a uniquely delivered reward in return for her efforts, it was truly satisfying, and a little magical.
The remaining reward she folded into a small dainty handkerchief. "To remember you by my love," Chris whispered.
Free to concentrate on Luke's touch, she immersed herself in the joy of having it done for her, to her. The extra sensory nerves in her enlarged clitoris made it very sensitive to the touch. It did not need the firm grasp she'd learned to give Luke's penis. Luke understood her needs. 'Mine gets sensitive as hell after I come,' he'd instructed her when they were still in the show and tell phase of their exploration of each other, 'so I know what to do.'
And he did. He had become very attuned to her needs. When to be gentle, when to let her rest, how long to continue as she tensed during the minute-long climax that she'd had that wonderful evening.
The cellar surroundings returned as Luke's attentions broke her reverie. Only the second time they'd done '69', she was already addicted and had secretly hoped this would happen when they were alone trying on costumes. Taking Luke's ejaculation directly was as close to a religious experience as she could imagine and she likened it to a communion and revered it as such.
She longed to give Luke something of herself in return. But he was coming and she focused entirely on all the sensations associated with it, being attentive to the instant she felt him withdraw slightly from her grip signaling that he was too sensitive to enjoy further caressing.
Luke continued his ministrations. Chris lost herself in one long surge of pleasure after another as Luke rested her and worked her to his satisfaction. He was getting good she thought as the itchiest strongest contraction yet swept over her.
"You peed a little with that one," Luke mumbled, his mouth still full. "Jeez that turns me on."
"That's never happened before. Sorry."
"Don't be. I want you inside me."
"I thought I was."
"No I mean I want to take your pee like you take my cum."
Luke turned so he was between her legs, lowered his mouth to her clitoris and covered her urethra. Then he gently brought Chris to another climax.
"Did I?" Chris asked.
"A little. I want more. Pee Chris, when I get my mouth on you."
Luke felt Chris straining. In a few moments a steady stream of hot liquid was squirting into Luke's mouth. Then it was over except for a final spurt or two.
"Sorry," Chris said. "I couldn't stop it once it started. Guess I could work on that," she grinned. "Go spit it out in the laundry tub."
"No need for that. I said I wanted something of you inside me."
"You swallowed all that!" Chris exclaimed.
"You swallowed mine," Luke retorted.
"But that's different, pee is so... "
"It's perfectly clean, Chris."
"Let me taste," she demanded.
Luke moved toward her to kiss her.
"No silly," and she placed her mouth over his penis.
Between the heat and wetness of her mouth and the extreme arousal brought on by the thought, it took Luke several seconds, but he released a small stream into Chris's mouth.
Christy swallowed and shook her head. "Takes some getting used to."
"It did," Luke agreed.
"Luke Andersen, don't tell me you've done this before," she exclaimed.
"Boys can be very curious. Before we could come, my boyfriend and I would pretend... "
Chris swilled her tongue around in her mouth and swallowed. "I prefer cum," she observed.
"So do I," Luke replied softly.
"Luke Andersen, you are so-o-o bad."
Luke just grinned. Then he pressed her to the pad they'd been romping on, spread her legs and inserted a finger in her vagina.
"I thought... " she began.
"Shhh! This is for you love."
Luke inserted another finger to increase his reach. Through mutual exploration, Chris, the female, was technically no longer a virgin though they'd yet to have male-female intercourse. Luke had never tried anal penetration with a boyfriend. 'Though I feel the thrusting urge,' he told Chris when asked.
Now Luke curled his fingers and slid them along the belly side of Chris's vaginal passage until he felt the slight roughening he sought. Then he began massaging the spot with his fingers, his palm pressing Chris's belly.
At first he thought he had the wrong spot or that Chris was not sensitive there. Then she responded.
"Luke Andersen," she said in mock accusation, "and just where did you learn this?"
"Oh from a boyfriend," he said too casually as he adjusted the pressure to Chris's response.
"Interesting... boyfriend," she managed between gasps.
"We have that place too, it's reached through the anus."
"Luuke! That's so icky... Ooooh that's good. Don't stop. Just ease off a little."
Luke took Chris's dick in his mouth. It was all Chris needed to reach a soaring climax.
* * *
"Tell me about him," Chris said as they walked to the dance. "Your interesting boyfriend."
"You and he were very alike in some ways," Luke began.
"Did you love him?" Chris wanted to know.
"I began to one memorable evening when we walked about town holding hands, sitting close and kissing."
"In public!" Chris exclaimed.
"He'd dressed in his sister's clothes. By the time we got back to his room I was becoming infatuated, but it was with a dream I thought could never be... until I first saw you at school. And then the dream was a torment until that day on the porch." Luke was becoming overwhelmed by the thought of how his dream had turned to reality as a boy-angel in a doorway.
Chris stopped and turned to Luke. "I knew while I was upstairs changing and cleaning up that afternoon that I was what you were searching for though I didn't suspect which half you wanted. I was in love with you by the time I reached up and kissed you." Then she did.
The dance went well. There were many calls to change partners and Chris soon became accustomed to being held by unfamiliar arms.
One pair made her very uncomfortable. Ron Riley, the disqualified football player cut in on another boy while Luke was getting drinks. She was being held too close for comfort when Luke set the drinks down and cut in. Ron Riley leered at Chris and reluctantly relinquished his partner.
* * *
The dance over, Luke had been delayed in conversation by one of last year's disqualified football team players. The talk had been about sports and Chris had excused herself at the start whispering, "I'll just be a minute, Luke. Drinks are coming through."
They were becoming quite familiar with each other. 'Like a married couple already,' Luke thought as he watched Chris disappear down the hall. It was getting quiet. Most couples had left, along with the boy. The custodian had moved all his supplies in for an all night cleaning. He talked to a last friend then, feeling uneasy about Chris's long absence, got up to intercept Chris in the next hall and leave through the back way.
He tapped on the girl's restroom door but received silence in reply. As he retraced his steps he heard the sounds of a struggle coming from the janitor's storeroom. Flinging open the door he was in time to see Ron Riley, pants and underwear down, about to mount Chris who was pressed face down on the floor, her panties around one leg, her dress above her waist.
Luke flung Ron Riley from her, fell upon him and placed him in a full nelson.
"Chris, the tape! Hands together behind your head, asshole!" and Luke applied a bit more persuasion. "Now his feet."
As soon as Riley was secured enough for Luke to release his hold he took the duct tape and immobilized the boy. Then he turned his attention to Chris who had repaired the damage to her costume as best she could.
"You okay," he asked, his arms enfolding her. He'd never seen her cry before. The sight brought forth a cold fury that his wrestling training had, he thought, bred out of him. He led Chris from the room and took her out the back way.
"Wait here," he ordered. "In the shadows so you are not seen. I have some unfinished business inside. One thing, did he... see you?"
Chris's tears welled anew. "He knows," was all she could get out before bursting into convulsive sobs.
Luke turned toward the door. Chris gripped his arm. "You're not going to... kill him or anything are you?" Chris asked in alarm, never having seen Luke so resolute, so sinister.
"Nothing that final. I have a more memorable evening planned for him, a secret of his own he'd be as reluctant to have revealed as you would yours. He suspects we would not want the publicity and would not go to the police. He's correct. I'm not putting you through rape kits, exposure, ridicule, a year of picking over your every move that might have misled an otherwise 'outstanding young man' into mistaking your intentions and ultimately watching him go unpunished because of his tender years. I am going to send a very strong message to those who cannot let this drop."
* * *
"I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do to save them," the doctor began as the surgery room door swung shut behind him. "Circulation had been cut off by that lamp cord for over eight hours before he was found."
Ron Riley had been discovered and released by the janitor. The boy had struggled home where his pain and fear brought out a confession to his distraught parents.
"Doctor, you will keep this quiet of course. We are pressing no charges, for personal reasons, and to protect the boy. You do understand."
The doctor didn't understand. But though a bizarre prank, it was not mandatory to report. "A most curious matter," he muttered as he closed the folder on the only castration case he'd ever dealt with.
Ron Riley did not return to Mather and the family left town over Christmas break. Luke and Chris never received another threat, implied or otherwise.
* * *
The Collins family did not leave Tallahassee, Florida until Chris graduated. Then Jeff, Pat, Chris and her husband Luke moved to a large west coast college town where Jeff Collins taught sex education and where Luke graduated.
Chris and Luke had two of the three genders, a girl and a boy.
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