Geeks

Chapter Fourteen

By Paul Schroder

I had called my Mom from Kyle's cell phone while we were hiking back from the hot spring. I got permission to invite him to spend the night. Mom sounded kind of excited cuz she knows I don't really have any friends of my own. Then Kyle called his Mom and she gave him permission to spend the night ... yay! It seems Kyle's Mom had already met my Mom at a PTA meeting and said she felt pretty comfortable having Marcia (that's my Mom) watching over her Kyley Bear. I snickered pretty good when Kyle divulged his Mom's pet name for him - Kyley Bear ... that's sooo cute! I asked him what her nickname was for his older brother, Tyson, and he laughed for awhile before he told me.

"Barney Bear's what she calls Ty. He got his nickname first. He used to watch that purple dinosaur called Barney on TV, but if anyone called Barney a dinosaur he got mad. 'He's a BEAR,' he'd yell at ya, 'a PURPLE BEAR!' So Ty became Barney Bear. I can't remember real well, but I guess when I got old enough to realize my brother had a special name and I didn't, I got jealous. So Mom started calling me Kyley Bear."

"Har, har ... snort! That's so cute Kyle! Now I have a nickname for ya. But it will be special for when we're alone. You can be my Kyley Bear tonight" and I reached over and gave his hand a squeeze. Then Kyle said ...

"That works for me, my little Fuzzy-wuzzy!"

"Fuzzy-wuzzy?" I asked him. "What the heck's that all about?"

"Well, Mom used to tell me riddles when I was little. She told me one about Fuzzy-wuzzy the bear. It goes like this...

'Fuzzy-wuzzy was a bear, but Fuzzy-wuzzy had no hair! Fuzzy-wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he?' ... heheheh."

Anyway, that's the sort of goofy stuff we talked about as we walked home.

***********

The four of us manage to deposit three duffle-bags full of paint-ball equipment in our garage.

"We'll go through this stuff and clean things up tomorrow, guys. I just feel like vegging in front of the TV or something for the rest of the night," Jeremy says.

"Amen to that," Michael tells him. Michael's spending the night with us too.

"Come on, Kyle," I tell my new buddy, "I'll introduce ya to our Mom."

We find our Mom in the kitchen stirring something in the crock-pot. Wow, the aroma in this kitchen is wonderful. Mom has gotten pretty heavy into crock-pot cookery the last couple of years. She can leave things cooking and forget about them while she's busy doing work in her study. I can't tell ya how many forgotten roasts have been burned up in our oven that way ... heheheh. But that was okay by me and Jeremy cuz we'd end up having pizza delivered.

"Mom, this is my friend Kyle. His big brother Tyson is a friend of Jeremy and Michael."

"Hi, Kyle," my Mom says, squeezing the hand that Kyle holds towards her. "Actually, I feel I knew a bit about you before I even met you. Your mother and I have visited a bit after PTA meetings at your school. She told me a number of humorous stories about you and your brother Tyson."

My Mom says this while giving Kyle a bit of a wicked grin. That's our Mom all right. She knows how to dish it out to make a kid blush from his toes to his nose. And it seems to be working admirably on Kyle. He's doing his 'STOP' sign imitation.

"Uhumm ... I hope ya haven't shared any of those stories with these guys," Kyle says, while nodding in the direction of me and Jeremy.

"Har, har, har ... snort, snort ..." from Jeremy. "Not yet, Kyle. I have a feeling she'll be saving it for some dinner conversation this evening. We're going to break ya into this household reeeeal quick like ... har, har!"

Kyle manages to color up a bit more, if that's possible. Mom's just chuckling and giving her own imitation of a geeky eyebrow wiggle. Kyle's got a sheepish grin on his face now as he announces ...

"That's a bit of a coincidence. My brother has passed on a few stories about these two that it might be fun to share over dinner." He says this while nodding in the direction of Jeremy and Michael. Those two boys immediately end their chortling and get a sorta panicky look on their faces. My Mom looks over at them and sees their blanched expressions.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha!" She laughs. "I have a feeling that our dinner conversation will be highly entertaining this evening." Then she adds, "We have about 1 more hour until dinner time. This gives you guys some time to put your heads together and try to figure out how to wiggle out of this one ... ha, ha, ha!"

Jeremy and Michael give Mom their own version of the sheepish grin and Jeremy says ...

"What ever could you mean, Mom? Why, the three of us are sooo looking forward to Kyle's anecdotes - aren't we, fellas?"

Michael and I just nod our heads. I'm giggling behind my hand because I really AM looking forward to this. After all, I don't seem to figure into this anywhere at all as far as I can see. I'm little 'Mr. Innocent' here.

Jeremy says, "Well, guys, let's wander up to my room and play with the old X-Box or something." He's making a mad dash for the stairway as though his concept of 'wandering' is to pour acid on his ass first. I can tell that Kyle's pronouncement has frightened the living bejesus out of Jeremy. Har, har, har! Michael is right behind him. And if Michael were running any faster or any closer to Jeremy he'd be inside of him!

Kyle and I are still standing in the kitchen with Mom when the Geeky boys reach the top of the stairs. If Mom wasn't such an immaculate housekeeper you'd expect to see a cloud of dust from here to there. Me and Mom and Kyle just look back and forth from one another. With grins a mile wide we bust up laughing! Har, har, har ... snort, snort! (Of course Mom doesn't snort!)

"Uhhh ... coming, guys?" Jeremy asks from the top of the stairs.

"Nah..." I reply, "you guys go ahead. I think Kyle and I will relax in the living room over a DVD or something. You guys go ahead and play a computer game or something.

I'm remembering a few dinners back when a certain brother of mine wiped his hands on my lips - after regaling me and Mom with a story about handling poisonous newts. I think pay-back time is here ... heheheh.

"Come on, Kyle. I'll let ya pick the DVD. We have a pretty good collection. You like Action Adventure, don't ya?"

And all the time I'm making small talk and leading Kyle into the living room, Jeremy is upstairs making frantic hand signals. I'm pretty sure he's trying to intimidate me. At least I think drawing your forefinger across your throat is supposed to be intimidating. I just grin back up at him and say, loudly enough to be heard from the kitchen, "what's wrong with your throat, Jeremy?"

"Ummm ... nothing!" he says, quickly putting his hands down to his sides - the stairwell being just as visible from the kitchen as it is from the living room. "Sooo ... okay, then. Ummm ... you guys're just going to watch TV, then, eh? Are ya SURE ya don't want to do something IN MY ROOM with us?" And he has this pleading look on his face.

"Nah ... thats okay, bro." I tell him. "We all need a bit of a break. Let's just relax until dinner time, okay?" I really put some emphasis on the words 'dinner time'.

I can hear Kyle chortling under his breath right beside me. He's getting as big a kick out of this as I am. Of course I don't intend to let Kyle say anything to Mom that could be potentially dangerous to life, limb or ass of Jeremy or Michael. I'll question him and find out just how incriminating the stories are that Tyson has told him. But I'm not telling Jeremy that. Let him carry his heart around in his throat for a half an hour or so. After all, that's what brothers are for, isn't it? Heheheh!

Jeeze ... Jeremy's sticking his head out his bedroom door again and is giving me the calf eyes. Now he's putting his palms together and making a pleading gesture. Okay, okay ... I do love the big bugger and I guess I won't stretch this out any longer. I give him a thumbs-up to let him know I'll handle things. Jeremy grows a grin and blows me a kiss before sliding back into his bedroom.

Kyle is thumbing through our stack of DVDs, looking at the titles. I slip up to him and ask ...

"So, just how potentially dangerous are the stories your brother told ya about the Two Stooges?"

Kyle looks over at me and grins. He answers with, "Don't ya mean the Three Stooges, Scully? You're definitely included in his latest story."

I feel my eyeballs trying to pop out of my head. Whoa, Nelly ... I didn't think I was a part of any of their known shenanigans. I played a small part in the glue for shampoo caper but ... oh, alright, I guess it was more than a small part since it was my idea.

Kyle's giggling now. I guess he can see the wheels turning in my head; my trying to figure out what the latest story could be.

"I understand ..." he says, "that you were the mastermind for Sammy Smith's new hair arrangement. I guess Jeremy gave ya the credit when he and my brother were talking about it."

I suppose he can see the pleading look in my eyes now and he says ...

"Hmm ... are ya starting to feel some of the same worry the other Two Stooges are feeling right now?"

I rapidly nod my head yes and tell him, "Kyle, ya have to know our Mom would totally freak out if she heard about this, don't ya?"

He's still grinning so I'm thinking he isn't really in a mind to get our chops busted over this. My thoughts are confirmed when he says ...

"Relax, cutey. I don't plan on getting any of you guys in trouble. I just thought ya were acting a little too smug about your brother's suffering and all. I just thought it wouldn't hurt for ya to share it for a minute or two."

Pheew ... I was hoping it might be something like that. Kyle might be a jock and all, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have a sharp brain in his head. After all, his older brother is a geek ... and he quickly figured out a way to get my heart racing. I grin at him and then I smack him a good one on the arm. "Whack!"

"Ouch," he says, rubbing the spot. "What was that for?"

"Because, mister, you are always, always supposed to take my side against my brother." Then I lower my voice to a whisper and say ...

"That's what boyfriends are for!"

Kyles face gets this beaming expression and he answers me with ...

"Boyfriend, eh? Sooo ... you think of me as your boyfriend?"

By way of answer I just stand on tiptoe and give my jockey-hunk a quick kiss. Then I say, "I suppose the geeky-twins have suffered enough. Let's go up to Jeremy's room so they can beg ya to be nice to 'em ... giggle."

Kyle nods his head but not before he bends down and kisses me on the cheek. "Okay ... boyfriend."

I open Jeremy's door and see him and Michael sitting cross-legged on the bed. They're holding hands and have their foreheads pressed together. They pull their heads apart and look up at us when we enter but they don't make any attempt to let go of one another's hands. We're all feeling pretty comfortable with each other by now. No sense trying to hide anything at this point. I hop onto the head of the bed and rest my back against the headboard. Then I pat a spot next to me while looking at Kyle. He hops up and scoots next to me and then pulls me into him with an arm around my shoulders. I look up at him and then snug the side of my head into his neck.

Jeremy, who had been facing away from us, turns around so that both he and Michael are looking at us. Michael doesn't waste any time ...

"So, Kyle, what stories has Tyson regaled ya with regarding me and Jer's exploits at school?"

Kyle's arm has slipped down around my waist and his hand has gripped my arm. He gives my arm a little squeeze when Michael asks his question. He is sending me some kind of a signal, but I don't know what it is.

"Actually, guys, the only thing Ty has told me about is the glue-hair thing with Marc's big brother Sammy." He gives my arm a couple more squeezes. I think he is telling me that, as my boyfriend, he is going to continue the teasing just a bit longer. What a sweetie ... to show his loyalty he is going to tease the shit out of my big brother .. giggle.

I watch Jeremy and Michael blanch all over again when they hear this and Michael says ...

"Ya can't tell that story, Kyle. It was a stupid trick to begin with. We really didn't think it through very well and it could have easily ended up badly. We got lucky and only ruined the dick-wad's hair. When Mom ... I mean, when Mrs. Howe hears about it she is going to raise pure hell ... I guarantee it!"

I feel Kyle shrug his shoulders and he says...

"Sorry, guys, I guess I just wasn't thinking. I was kinda embarrassed with you guys laughing at me ... ya know, about me being the subject of the dinner conversation. I guess I just wanted to draw attention from myself." He gave my arm a couple more squeezes.

"But here's an idea," he continues, "why don't you guys give me a couple of stories it would be safe to tell your Mom. They need to be pretty good ones though cuz I told your Mom they were funny."

"Yeah, yeah! Good idea, Kyle. That'll save our bacon! Let's see ..." and you can see the cogs turning in their brains. They need to come up with a couple of stories that won't get them too deeply into the frying pan. Problem is, these boys have done a bunch of really outrageous stuff. Of course, to give them their due, it was usually in an effort to get even for some outrageous humiliation some bully had put them through.

"Mmmm ... how about the ink squirter trick?" I volunteer.

Both Mic and Jer shake their heads violently to nix that idea. I figured they would, but it's fun to pull some stuff out of the hat. I am really beginning to appreciate Kyle's thinking abilities. I have a feeling that he already has a couple of stories he could regale our Mom with, but this way he has the geeky-boys entertaining us with stories. My hand is resting on Kyle's leg and I give his knee a couple of quick squeezes to say I realize what he's doing. A couple more squeezes on my arm says we're sympatico.

"How about this one, Jeremy," Michael says, looking at my brother, "what if he tells the story about the buteric acid?"

Jeremy grins and says "I guess that one would be alright." And he tells Kyle ...

"There is an acid in the stomach that gives vomit its characteristic odor. Well, Michael found a beaker of the stuff in the Life Science lab at school. He put a few drops of it inside my notebook when I wasn't looking. I opened my book in my next class and had everyone gagging and wheezing ... myself included. After class I had to chuck my notebook in the nearest trash bin. I guess the book opened up when I tossed it in there because the smell of vomit started spreading through the hallway. No one could go near their lockers without getting the dry-heaves ... or worse. The poor janitor's eyes were watering as he carried the can outdoors. I don't mind telling ya I was a bit peeved at Michael for awhile after that ... har, har, har!"

Kyle and I are giggling as we visualize this. Then Michael says ...

"It didn't take ya long to get even, though, did it, Jer?" He looks over at Kyle and says ...

"That evening we went up to my room after school, as usual. Well, I had to go to the john and take a number two. While I was gone Jeremy grabbed a cordless screwdriver out of the garage and commenced to screw all my textbooks down to my desk ... har, har, har ... snort! I didn't even notice it until I went to gather them up for school the next morning. The bugger hid the screw gun so I had to use a screw driver to remove about 30 screws. I was late to school that morning ... giggle. You should see my poor desk. It looks like it was lunch for Woody Woodpecker! And I just hope I don't have to pay for a bunch of books at year's end."

Kyle's and my bellies are pulsing with laughter. God, I swear, these two can be their own worst enemies at times. It's a good thing they love each other so they can put up with one another. With minds like theirs you can see why the bullies in their school don't stand a chance. If this is what they do to friends ... look out enemies!

We are chortling and chuckling when I hear the phone ringing downstairs. A couple of minutes later Mom hollers up the stairwell...

"Jeremy, phone call!"

Jer slides off the bed and heads downstairs.

"So, Kyle, what sort'a stories will we expect to be hearing about you and Tyson tonight?" Michael asks him.

Kyle just grins and says...

"Actually, it kind of surprises me how the three of ya tend to tease each other pretty much the way Tyson and I do. Some of the stuff we've done to one another sounds like something out of the Howe and Wist game book."

"Like what?" I ask him, feeling intrigued. I realize I don't really know that much about my Kyley Bear yet and I'm anxious to know about his relationship with his brother.

"Well," he says, "I like to do my homework down in the dining room cuz it gives me lots of room to spread out my books. Sometimes Ty will do his down there too if he needs some room to spread out. I guess he's watched me enough to notice that I have a habit of holding my pencil in my lips while I'm reading. One day, while we were studying together, the bugger spread some crazy glue on my pencil. A couple of minutes later the pencil and my right hand had become a permanent part of my lips... hee, hee, hee... har, har! I couldn't even cuss him out cuz all I could do was mumble! Mom had to go to the store and buy some special crazy glue solvent. She made Ty pay for it and took his TV privileges away for a week."

"Oh my poor widdle boy" I giggle.

"That's okay," he continues, giggling himself, "I got back at him that night. I snuck into his room after he was asleep and glued his hand to his belly... haa, haa, haa! I could have done a lot worse to him too! His other hand was in his underwear... holding his dick. I was sooo tempted to glue that to his hand rather than his belly. But I just couldn't bring myself to be that rotten. Anyway, I lost two weeks of TV privileges over that one. And Ty lost a whole lot of belly skin cuz he woke up in a panic and just ripped his hand off his belly! Let me tell ya what... he woke up the whole damn household... haa, haa, haa!"

Oh God, he has me and Michael rolling around on the bed. Poor Tyson. I guess what goes around comes around! "Har, har, har... snort, snort!"

"I guess..." Kyle continues, "I guess... hee, hee, hee... it's a good thing I didn't glue his dick after all... haa, haa, haa! I'd much rather lose belly skin any old day of the week! That would be a real painful way to perform your own circumcision!"

Jeremy has come back into the bedroom and is watching us roll around on his bed in stitches. He has a huge grin on his face just from watching us. He says...

"I hope this is one someone can share at dinner time cuz it sounds like a story I don't want to miss." Kyle says...

"If ya don't mind, I'll just go ahead and tell ya later. I'm not sure it's one I'd like to share with your Mother... hee, hee, hee."

"Who was on the phone, Jer?" Michael asks him.

"It was Marc Smith - you know - Sammy's little brother. He actually wanted to talk to Scully but he couldn't remember your name. I guess you are little mister invisible at your school, aren't ya, bro?"

That comment had me coloring up pretty good. But then Kyle reached over and patted me on my stomach.

"Not to worry, Scully. After this weekend, I think you are about to become little mister popular at our school. These guys are going to talk about nothing else for a couple of weeks at least. You're going to have guys trying to make friends right and left just hoping to get included in your next party."

My gosh... I hadn't even thought about that. That's an awful panicky thought for a shy boy like me. I can feel my face draining of color when I visualize myself surrounded by a whole bunch of guys trying to get my attention. Kyle doesn't miss my panicky look though. He reaches over and wraps an arm around me and says...

"Not to worry, Fuzzy-wuzzy. They will have to get past your bodyguard first. I'll be on ya like Michael Jackson on a fifth grader."

This gets everyone to giggling until Michael asks Jer what Marc called for.

"It was Marc and Richie-Rich calling, actually. It seems that Trevor got his Mom to take them to the big sports outlet and bought them both a couple of top-of-the-line paint-ball guns, masks, targets and a couple thousand paint-balls. They are inviting us over to Trevor's tomorrow to do some target shooting and have a swim in their pool."

"Outrageous!" I yell out. "Trevor is supposed to have this huge house and I think their pool is even indoors! They'll probably have servants running around in the back yard as targets for us ... har, har, har!

I look over at Kyle. "Do ya suppose your Mom would let ya spend the day over there after spending the night here?"

"I don't know why not," he says. "She'll probably be glad for a bit of peace and quiet. I'll give her a call in the morning."

"What about you guys?" I ask, looking at Jeremy and Michael. "Ya wanna see how the rich people live?"

"Heck, yeah," Michael says, "let's see how the other half lives. I knew that kid had some bucks when I saw that Hummer that dropped him off this morning. You could hardly see any paint for all the chrome on that thing."

"Ole Marc has sure found himself a sweet deal, eh, guys?" Jeremy asks. "Trevor has his Mom buy Marc all that expensive paint-ball stuff so that their widdle wich boy will have someone to play wiff. Hey, maybe we can talk Trevor into getting interested in off-road racing and he can get his Mom to buy us all moto-cross bikes!"

"Keep dreaming, Cinderella. And maybe your prince will show up, too!" Michael tells him.

"Oh yeah?" Jeremy says, grinning at him. Then he leaps on top of Michael and holds him down. He tells him, "I already have my prince, fool." Then he whistles and says, "Here, Prince ... here, Prince, come kiss your Daddy!" And he gives Michael a big, wet mooch on the face.

"Get off me, ya butt-head! I ain't no stinkin dog! If I was I'd bite yer ass for jumping on me. Maybe I'll wait until we're having dinner then I'll hump yer leg in front of yer Mom ... har, har, har ... snort, snort!"

"Go ahead," I tell Michael, laughing my butt off, "she'll just smack ya with a rolled up newspaper and then have ya neutered in the morning ... har, har, har ... snort, snort!"

That has everyone rolling around, including Michael. He's making a show of holding his nuts and whining like a dog being dragged into the vet's office.

"Please, Momma Howe, please don't nut me. I'll be good, I promise. I'll only hump Jeremy at night and under the covers ... honest!"

That gets us all going on another round. Michael's wiggling his eyebrows at Jer and Jer is going, "bad dog, bad dog!"

>From downstairs we hear, "Okay boys ... dinner time." Right on ... I'm starved! We race each other for the bathroom to be first to wash up.

Mmm ... Mom has made stewed chicken with dumplings. She has a big bowl scooped up for each of us. We also have a small dinner salad by each bowl. There are about a half-dozen kinds of salad dressing so everyone grabs their favorite bottle. The only sounds coming from anyone for awhile are the normal chewing noises that ya come to expect from teenage and pre-teen pigs. Can't be helped: us boys are just eating machines after all.

Pretty soon you can hear Michael giggling around a mouthful of dumpling. Mom looks up at him, grinning.

"Share it with us, Michael" she says.

"Well, actually, I was just waiting for ya to share some of Kyle and Tyson's stories with us, Mom."

That has the rest of us giggling now, all accept for Kyle, of course. He is kind of grinning though. I think my huggy-wuggy boy is a pretty good sport. Good gosh ... ya have to be in this house and around this bunch!

"Well," Mom starts out, "Mary did mention a time when your brother was in the first grade and you hadn't yet started kindergarten. You were feeling a bit jealous because he was coming home with all those nice drawings ..."

Kyle's face has just turned beet red. Oh-oh, whatever this is he obviously remembers it. I would say, to look at him, it's not on his list of preferred stories either. Mom looks over at him and asks ...

"Does this sound familiar, Kyle?"'

"Ahhh ... yes, Mrs. Howe, it really does ring a bell."

Michael pipes up with ...

"Don't call her Mrs. Howe, Kyle. Call her Mom. She likes that and you'll get extra cookies!" Everybody laughs at Michael's funny, even Mom. Mom just looks at Michael and grins and says, "Yes, and tonight you can have Michael's cookies". Michael just gets a pretend petulant look on his face.

"Well," Kyle continues, "I might as well take over the story from here. My Mom might not remember all the details like I do." Mom and the rest of us just nod our heads and wait for Kyle to continue.

"Well, it's like Mrs. H ... I mean, Mom says. I was real jealous of Ty cuz he would get to do these neat drawings at school and our Mom would gush all over them and stuff. So I pulled what was probably my first ever trick on my brother."

Kyle takes a sip of milk before continuing.

"We had an older neighbor boy that would play with Tyson sometimes. This boy had an even older brother, a college student, who was still living at home. This older brother used to buy Playboy magazines and hide them in his room. His Mom found them and tossed them out. But the younger brother found them and hid them in our tool shed which was our fort and clubhouse."

Kyle takes another sip of milk.

"Anyway, I knew where they hid the magazines in the shed. So I tore a picture out of one of them that had a naked lady on it. I hid the picture under a sofa cushion and just waited for Ty to get home with his big manilla envelope with his drawing for the day. Ty set it on the kitchen table while he went upstairs to change into his play clothes. I pulled his drawing out of the envelope and stuck the naked lady picture in it instead."

We are all chortling and chuckling like crazy. We can easily see where this is going. Poor Ty: here's his chance to shine in front of his Mommy and Kyle is going to pull the rug out from under him.

"Anyway, Ty couldn't figure out why I was grinning at him when he came back downstairs. He probably thought it was kind of suspicious cuz I was usually giving him the evil eye when it came to show-and-tell time in the kitchen. Mom came upstairs from the basement laundry room and gave Ty a hug 'hello' then Ty handed her his envelope. He had a big smile on his face as he was waiting for Mom's usual gushy remarks about what a wonderful drawing he did. Well, Mom slid that magazine page out of the envelope and her eyes bugged out of her head. Ty's face got a look of total horror. He recognized the picture ... shoot, he and the neighbor boy had probably looked at it a hundred times."

Now Mom has her hand covering her face but it isn't doing a whole lot of good. You can see her shoulders shaking and she's trying awful hard not to laugh out loud.

"So," Kyle continues, "I tell my Mom -"wow, that's a really good drawer-ing of a booby, isn't it, Mom? Tyson drawer'd a real good boob, huh?" I guess I was pretty naive and expected Ty to get into trouble over that picture. But, funny thing, Mom figured it out in a flat second. So it was my butt that got warmed that day and not Tyson's ... hee, hee, hee."

"Har, har, har ... snort, snort!" Oh God, poor Kyle and poor Tyson. Sibling jealousy can lead to some real sore asses! Mom's not doing a real good job of maintaining a silent laugh now either and she is hee-heeing like crazy. She has both her hands covering her face now. Suddenly she pushes her chair back and stands up, her face red from laughing.

"Excuse me for a minute, boys" and she makes a dash for the downstairs bathroom.

Jeremy looks over at Kyle and says, "Har, har ... I think ya just made our Mom pee her pants ... har, har, har."

>From the bathroom we hear ...

"I heard that, Jeremy. And you don't get any cookies either!"

"Har, har, har ... snort, snort!"

Mom is soon back at the table and us boys are making our pig imitations again, not on purpose mind ya, it's just that the stewed chicken is delicious. Then Mom says ...

"Well, thank you for that rendition, Kyle. It was certainly ... er, entertaining. But I believe you said you may have a couple of anecdotes about Michael and Jeremy?"

Mic and Jer just smile and continue chewing. This part is all settled and, although a bit embarrassing, the stories aren't potential time bombs.

"Mmmm ... yeah, Mom. Ty has told me a couple. Like the time that their home room teacher opened the top drawer of her desk to find a garter snake curled up in it."

Michael and Jeremy stop chewing and quickly glance over at Kyle. Now, this isn't one of their rehearsed stories. And ya can see the wheels spinning in their brains as they try to remember everything about that practical joke and whether it is a safe one to tell our Mom. They glance at one another with raised eyebrows, their facial expressions asking the question - 'is this okay?'

"I guess the lady wasn't a snake lover and she jumped back quite a few feet. One of the boys in the front row had to take the snake out of her drawer and carry it outside. She wasn't real pleased with the joke, I guess."

Mic and Jer have started to color up pretty good now. This isn't a story about them joking on one another. Some poor lady teacher is the butt of this joke. But to be truthful, I've heard the guys refer to her as the Wicked Witch of the West. She hands out wicked punishments for the smallest infractions.

"I guess she got calmed down and a few minutes later opened one of the bottom drawers of her desk. That's when she saw like a two foot gopher snake resting in there. Ty said she didn't stick around for one of the boys to remove it - she was out into the hallway before anyone else even had time to stand up. And he said that teachers aren't supposed to scream out those kinds of words ... heheheh! She wouldn't go back into the classroom until every one of the drawers and cupboards in the room had been opened and searched."

Mom has a bit of a serious look on her face now. Mic and Jer are wearing their angelic faces. She is looking over at them when she asks Kyle ...

"Well, did they find any more snakes in the room?"

"No ma'am, just the two."

"Har, har, har ... hee, hee ... snort, snort!" I'm sorry, but I just couldn't hold it in. I slapped my hands over my mouth but I was too late. Kyle has a huge grin on his face because he is about to let the boys off the hook.

"It turns out that these boys weren't responsible for either of those snakes. Mic and Jer told a couple of other kids that they were planning to put a toad in her bottom drawer. I guess those kids thought they could play a trick on Mic and Jer and on the teacher at the same time. They were the ones that put the snakes in the desk. The bigger snake had a lump in it so they figured it must have eaten the toad.

You can see our Mom take a deep breath and slowly let it out. Then she's shaking her head at the geeky boys and grinning.

"Well, I guess I can live with a toad ... hee, hee, hee! After all, I have two of them living under the roof with me."

Mom wasn't the only one to let out a 'woosh' of air. Michael and Jeremy are visibly relieved. Thank goodness Kyle knew the whole story or the guys would have been made to look like demons.

"Okay! Well ... you know what ..." Mom says, "I don't think I really want to hear any more anecdotes - just in case I hear something that I'll really, really need to take exception too. I was actually just looking for a way to tease you anyway and ... well, I'd hate to have to tease you with a month's worth of grounding or something. You know what they say ... what I don't know won't hurt you. So ... someone pick a topic - any topic - pretty please."

Topics abound for the next half-hour. In fact, most are pretty humorous and we all have a good time together finishing our meal. I think Kyle is as taken with our Mom as Michael is. Michael wants to swap her for his Mom and sister, ya know. Actually I'd pay him handsomely just to keep that girl where she is. He's just joking though cuz I know how much he loves his Mom.

We finish off our dinner with bowls of strawberry shortcake. If I knew we were having that I wouldn't have eaten that last dumpling. I feel like a stuffed turkey when we finish cleaning up the kitchen and loading the dishwasher. Mom wanders back to her study to do some work but not before telling us not to stay up all hours of the night. She even turns towards Michael and Jeremy and asks them to please keep the noise down as well. Har, har ... those boys turn neon red when she says this. It was last week's bout of boisterous love-making that she was refering to and I'm pretty sure she could tell from the sounds what was going on ... heheheh!

The four of us plop onto Jeremy's bed. Then, of course, we have to have a burping contest to show how much we enjoyed our meal. Kyle gets up and runs for the bathroom, amidst our boisterous laughter. He must have gotten a little up-chuck with that last belch ... har, har!

"Quick..." Michael tells me, "run into the bathroom and French kiss him, Weasel ... har, har ... snort".

I make the motions of wrapping my hands around my throat and gagging, rolling around on the bed. But actually, as long as Kyle takes a sip of water or something to clear my way, I wouldn't mind doing a tonsil probe on my sweetie.

Jeremy bounces over onto Michael's belly and straddles him. He places his hands on Michael's shoulders and pins him to the bed. Grinning at Michael he says ...

"I've got something fer ya ta French kiss, me bucko." And he perches his head over Mic's face and lets a big drop of spit form on his lips. Oh gross ... he's done this to me before. He tries to see how long of a stream of spit he can dangle over your face and then suck it back up just before it's too late! I can't tell ya how many stringers I got deposited on me cuz he took it beyond the point of no return.

Kyle's picked this time to come back into the room and immediately recognizes what Jer's doing.

"Haa, haa..." he laughs, "goober bombs! Bombs away, Jeremy!"

And Jeremy does. You can hear him trying to slurp it back but he's way to late. Poor Michael gets a wet one right in his eye.

"OOHHH ... GROSS!! Ya butt-sucker, Jeremy! You just spit in my eye!"

Michael pushes my brother off of him and hops off the bed. It's his turn to make a dash for the bathroom. We don't let him escape with any form of dignity however because we are howling like maniacs.

"Pilot to bombardier," I announce, " right on target, matey ... har, har, har ... snort, snort!"

You can tell Jeremy's feeling a little guilty and so he climbs off the bed, trying to appear casual, and wanders towards the bathroom. I tell him ...

"Ya better take him flowers and candy, Jer. I don't think you're going to get any tonight!"

That has Kyle and me har, haring and rolling around the bed. Jeremy has this sheepish grin and doesn't say anything as he steps out into the hallway. That leaves Kyle and me on our own. Kyle rolls onto his side, facing me, and props his head on his hand, his elbow resting on the bed. He's grinning as he waits for me to end my giggle spasm. Then he reaches down and gives me a quick smooch. Boy howdy, that shuts me up right away. I just reach up, grab him by the back of his head and pull him down on top of me. We are doing mutual tonsillectomies when Mic and Jer wander back into the room.

"Oh jeeze ... get a room, you two!" Jeremy says. "How can I possibly kiss Michael's peter on the same bed you two have done that disgusting stuff on?"

"Oh, gross!" we all say, including Michael, who gives Jeremy a hard whack on the shoulder.

"Listen, buddy" he says, "I haven't entirely forgiven ya yet for spittin in my eye. You'd best be on your best behavior, mister." Then he looks at me and says ...

"Just ignore him, Weasel, we're glad ya finally have your own boy-toy."

"Weasel?" Kyle asks. He looks at me. "What's with the weasel name?"

"Har, har ..." Jeremy snorts, "that's Michael's name for him. It's cuz he was always trying to weasel in on stuff me and Mic were doing. My nickname for him is Skull. But he answers to most anything ... butt-head included ... har, har!"

"I kinda like Skull," Kyle says, looking at me with a large grin. "It sounds like a pirate's name or somethin. Maybe I'll just call ya my Fuzzy-wuzzy, weasel skull ... heheheh."

"Laugh it up, Kyley Bear" I tell him. That gets a grin from the other two but I don't explain myself. Instead I announce ...

"I think I'm going to drag my buddy into my room now. I think Jeremy needs to make up to Michael for spitting in his eye ... giggle. Come on, Kyley Bear, follow me."

I stand up and grab Kyle's hand, pulling him to his feet.

"Okay, guys" Kyle says, "see ya in the morning ... I guess."

"G'night, Kyley Bear. G'night, Weasel" Michael says. "Don't do anything we wouldn't do!"

"Snort ... yeah! Like that really restricts us from anything, ya horn-dogs," I tell them.

When I close the door to my room I think "This is so cool. I have Kyle ... THE KYLE SAMUELS -the biggest heart-throb of every girl in my school -in MY bedroom! And he's spending the night!!!" But to be truthful, now that he's here I'm beginning to feel pretty nervous. I mean ... I've never done any of those things on Jeremy's porno sites. Actually, I've never even wanked my willy before. It isn't really a sex thing that has me interested in Kyle. I just love the guy is all. I love being with him and having him hold me and especially kissing me. But I guess he's going to want to do some of that stuff and it just brings a big, scary lump into my throat. And now that he is actually standing here, in my room, I can't think of anything to say. It's just like at school all over again. I want to take off running.

Kyle's been looking around at my room. Picking stuff up and examining it, trying to get a better feel for me by my surroundings, I suppose. Finally he turns around and looks at me. His eyebrows do this archy-up thing and he quickly walks over to me and grabs me by the shoulders.

"Uh, uh ... me Scully boy. I've seen that look before. You're not pulling a disappearing act on me, my friend. You already told me that it means you're tongue-tied and nervous and don't know what to say. Well ... how about this? Don't say anything. Just let your Kyley Bear undress ya and put ya to bed, okay?"

I know my face must be pasty white I'm so nervous. And I really don't understand why. I just finished spending a big part of the day totally naked with the guy. I even ground my butt down on his willy to make him stiff. But I guess it was because I knew that things couldn't go very far what with so many people around. But it's just the two of us now ... alone ... alone and in my bedroom. All of a sudden I'm starting to feel a little pukey.

"Oh, oh ..." Kyle says, "I know that look, too!" He glances around the room and his eyes fall on my trash can next to the computer desk. He runs over and grabs it and pushes it into my arms. Then he guides me over to the bed and sets me down on the edge. I've got both arms wrapped around the can and I'm trying my darndest not to fill it up. I'm looking at him sheepishly ... God, this is soo embarrassing.

Kyle just sits on the bed next to me and starts rubbing my shoulders and then he kisses me on the forehead.

"Look, Scully. I'm pretty sure I know what this is all about, and I just want ya to know somethin. I don't care if we do anything in this bed of yours. All I want ... all I need, is to feel ya pressed up against me while I fall asleep. We can even wear tee-shirts and underwear if it makes ya more comfortable. Although I'm hoping ya don't want to wear either ... heheh. Just cuz we're naked doesn't mean we have to do anything. And to prove it ... I'm going to make ya this promise right now ... I will wait for you to make the first move to do anything like ... well, you know. If it's tonight, or next week or next year it doesn't matter. Nothing happens unless you want it to happen and you're ready."

Then he kisses me again on my forehead and squeezes me against him - the trash can in between us, and just sort of rocks me. I don't seem to need the trash can any more so I pull it out from between us and set it on the floor. Then I let Kyle pull me into him. In just one short little speech my hero has managed to erase all my fears and make me fall totally head over heels for him. Oh, I know I already loved him. But now I love, love him. He's thinking about me. He's worried about my feelings, not his own. My Kyley Bear isn't a user - he's a giver. Do I know how to pick a boy friend or what?

"Okay," I say to him, "so, are ya going to strip me and put me to bed, or not?"

I'll tell ya what, Kyle and I might not do anything tonight to set Mic and Jer back on their ears. We might not be at their level yet. But someday we will be. And for right now, feeling my naked Kyley Bear spooning me is pretty damn neat. I'm in no real hurry to fall asleep either.