Group sessions are a trip. There's a kid in mine I want to bust. And you know what? I haven't felt like that since . . . well, for a long time. He's always riding my ass about something or other. I think he hates it that he's gay. Or at least hates it that his parents hate it. I didn't need this group session stuff. They told me I had to go because of the jail and some other aggression problems I've had. I said no, I'm used to being gay. They said yeah, but you've got some other shit to deal with. So here I am. My lover drives me there twice a week, and home again. And he can read me. He knows when I need hard sex, soft sex or no sex.
I've been trying to keep up my end of the deal, too. Anyone who just takes you in off the streets deserves the best person they can get. I'm trying to be that. I get lots of encouragement, and I can feel a house full of love. It's working. Sometimes that love is filled by me, too.
Danny had his arms and legs around me, and mine were around him. He was sobbing into my chest, my shirt long ago soaked. He had tried to talk several times, but could not each time. He choked on his words and on the gunk that formed in his throat.
Me, I cried silently. The tears ran down my cheeks, and I breathed deeply, but I did not sob. I couldn't. It wasn't in me. I was the one who had to be strong right now. I was losing Danny, but he was losing all of us. Becky, Kyle, Greg, Richie. He was losing his home, his school, his childhood. I had no idea what I could do for him.
Mrs. Shaw came to the room after about an hour.
I let Danny answer, except he didn't.
"Boys, can we talk?"
"There's nothing to talk about," Danny said thickly. "You've already torn my heart out."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"Mom, it hurts," he wailed. "It hurts so bad. It does. It hurts in my chest. It feels like I'm going to explode."
She sat down on the bed and put her arms around both of us. Danny clung to me, but leaned into her. This was what I was losing. I was losing my haven. The woman who loved me. The boy who loved me. The little brother I never had. The house that for almost 16 years meant I would be safe, would have a quiet place to lay my head.
There were no words left to be spoken. We didn't eat dinner with them that night. It was quiet in the house. Danny and I lay on the bed after we'd cried ourselves out. The shades had been pulled, but we could see the sunlight from the bright June day still coming through the window as the sun set.
We must have drifted off to sleep, exhausted from the emotion of the past few hours. School was out! That rush of freedom - excitement for the summer ahead. Then a crash to earth, learning that my lover was being torn from me.
Something woke me up later that night. I'm not sure what - a door closing, I guess. I noticed the hall light was on. Now that I was awake, it would be hard to get back to sleep. I didn't want to lie there tossing and turning and maybe waking Danny, so I eased out of his arms, tucked the covers around him and slipped out the door.
The light was on in the kitchen. As I turned the corner I saw Mr. Shaw at the table, staring out the window. I made some small noise so I wouldn't startle him.
"Hi, Mr. Shaw."
I got a glass of milk and sat down at the table across from him. He just stared out the window. There was a long silence.
"Can't sleep, eh?" he asked.
"Me, either. How's Danny?"
"He's able to sleep, I guess. He used a lot of energy crying."
"Yeah," he said, followed by a heavy sigh. "You didn't?"
"I tried not to. One of us had to be not . . . I mean, both of us couldn't be . . . I mean we couldn't both lose it."
Another sigh. "I wish neither of you had to lose it."
"Why do we?"
He still hadn't turned around, but I could see his reflection in the dark window. It was fuzzy to begin with, but fuzzier because I hadn't put my glasses on. He didn't answer.
"I mean, Danny and I just discovered we love each other," I went on, "and now we're being split apart."
"Do you think that's the reason I took the job in California? To break you two up because I disapprove?"
"No, sir. I mean, you admitted it was hard to adjust to, but you said you would be okay with it. I think you were being honest. And if you tell me that it's not the reason, I'll believe you."
"Then please believe me, Justin. I took the job because I had to. The bank believes in promoting from within. I started as a low-level employee and I've worked my way up. But there's someone behind me, and they want to promote her into my job. So they want to promote me, and the only way to do that is to send me to the new banks in California. It really is a nice compliment - that they have confidence in me that I can do this. And I'll be even more honest and tell you that I'm really looking forward to the challenge. I think I can do this job."
I didn't say anything.
"There's going to be more money for us. Not that money's the reason I'm doing this, but we'll be able to save for Danny's and Charlie's college."
He was quiet again. I could hear the clock in the family room ticking. The night was black beyond the window, and the only light in the house was the pool of light we were sitting in.
"God, it sounds like I'm trying to justify all this," he said quietly, almost to himself.
I hesitated, then I said, "No, sir."
For the first time he turned and looked at me.
"No, sir. It sorta sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that it's the best thing to do. But you don't need to. Because it isn't the best thing to do."
He cocked his head and looked at me.
"It isn't the best?" I think he was ready to get mad.
"No, sir. You're taking Danny and Charlie and Mrs. Shaw away from their home and their friends. You're taking Danny away from me, his lo . . . his best friend. We're all they've ever known. Danny and Charlie will have to get used to a new school, a new house, new neighbors, new friends, maybe even a new lifestyle. Mrs. Shaw will have to find new friends, new stores, new ways around a new town. It's not the best thing you can do. But, Mr. Shaw? It's the only thing you can do. So you have to do it, and hope this is the worst thing that ever happens. Because, as hard as this is to go through, it is survivable."
There was a long moment of silence. He looked out the window again, then back at me.
"I can see why Danny has always wanted you as a friend. Do you always do this for him? Make him feel better?"
"No, not always. I've made him feel pretty shi . . . um, pretty bad in the past. But mostly, yeah. I try. But he does the same thing for me, too."
"I'm glad you're his friend. Our friend. You talked about all the things Danny and Charlie will be losing. You didn't say what you'll be losing."
"No, sir. Right now this is about Danny as far as I'm concerned. He's all that matters to me." I started to choke up. "I just want to help him over this. I'll still have the rest of our friends."
"And your family."
"Yeah, well . . .."
"I'm sorry, Justin. I now that's really not much comfort."
Suddenly I couldn't catch my breath.
"No . . .[gasp] . . . no, it's . . . [gasp] . . . no, it's really not." My eyes started leaking. "I . . . c-c-can't s-stay . . . it isn't . . . I mean, that's my b-b-b-biggest f-fear. I've always come here . . . and now I don't . . . [gasp] . . . I d-don't know who's g-g-gonna take care of m-me." And then I broke down. I guess it was my turn.
Men don't do the comforting thing well. But Mr. Shaw got up, stepped over to me, and knelt in front of me. I leaned in and he took me into his arms. I cried and cried on his shoulder. He felt solid and secure. Not soft and warm and loving, like Mrs. Shaw always did, but safe. Strong. He held me firmly, even squeezed me, then rubbed my back. He didn't say anything, he just let me cry. I didn't want to leave his grasp. I'd never felt it before. In all the time I'd been coming over, he had never held me. Oh, what I had missed. I needed Mrs. Shaw's mothering, but this - I needed this as well. Why had I discovered it only now? I cried even harder.
I felt his head turn, and heard him say softly to someone, "Get Danny."
The next thing I knew, Danny was there.
"Justin? Justin, bud, I'm here. I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't hear you wake up and get out of bed."
I wasn't quite sure what to do. My lover was rubbing my neck, but I didn't want to leave the strong, safe arms of his father.
"It's okay, Justin, stay there. I know how good it feels." He wrapped his arms around his dad and me.
We stayed like that, the three of us, for a few minutes. I finally lifted my head from Mr. Shaw's shoulder. He stood up, put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me into a hug. He bend his head down and kissed me on the top of my head, then put his mouth next to my ear. He didn't whisper. He spoke softly but firmly.
"I love you, Justin," he said. "I love you as much as I love my sons. Things are going to be okay. I don't know how, but I'll make sure they are."
Then he took my hand and he took Danny's hand. He put mine in Danny's and said, "Go to bed. And hold each other."
We went to bed. And we held each other. And we didn't cry. And in between us were two cocks. We kissed, trying to soothe the passion of our misery. And as we kissed, the two cocks awoke. The kisses became deeper, and our breathing became deeper. Our hands began to wander, stroking arms, backs, butts, faces, hair. Tongues dueled back and forth as we tried to push into each other. Our cocks rubbed against each other, dry. Nipple-to-nipple, we sucked on each other's mouth, trying to get tighter together, trying to melt into each other. When we stopped to take a breath we licked around lips. I nibbled his ear, he sucked my cheek. His hands worked their way to my butt and found my hole. Kissing again, Danny on his back, me on top, he wiggled his finger into me.
It lit us both up. Our legs had been entwined, but I opened mine so he could get to that spot. We were grinding into each other furiously, and finally small spurts of precum began lubricating our action. Our cocks slid together, almost hot enough to generate steam. We were consumed with each other. The fear of separation drove us to try to bond together forever. If we were going to be split up, we would leave as much of ourselves in each other as possible.
The kissing became more and more intense. We thrust our cocks together, and Danny's finger, now joined by a second, swirled urgently in my hole.
Then he pushed me up off his mouth.
He reached into the drawer by his bed and got out the lube. I slid up higher on his chest. He poured it into his palm and grasped my cock, mixing the KY with the precum. I drew in my breath as he slid his hand up and down my shaft. Then he smeared the rest over his ass hole. I toyed with his nipples, pinching them lightly but firmly. He squirmed under me and I slid back so his cock was at my hole. I wiggled back and forth on it, spreading his precum over my hole, the pushing back. He had been playing with mine, so I was loosened up. The head of his cock slipped in and I held it here, contracting my muscles around it.
"Oh, god, Justin. I'm about to explode. Please, please fuck me."
I really wanted him inside me, but I pulled off. His legs were spread wide and he raised his knees. Between his legs, I slid my arms under his knees and lifted. It pulled his butt into perfect position and I lined my penis up with his hole.
"Now, Justin. Please."
I raised his legs further, so his feet were even with my head. Those perfect soles, the plump toes.
"No, fuck me, bud. I need it. Please."
When a lover begs, it's cruel to deny and delay. I pushed against the pink, juicy hole to get the head in. He pushed back, not content with only the head.
"More. All of it."
I pushed, and in one steady stoke was buried in my lover. He moaned in pleasure. I knew at some level we were making way too much noise, and that his parents knew exactly what we were doing. I don't know if they had even gone back to bed yet. Normally I would have tried to quiet him, but I wasn't thinking of that. I was beyond caring. Our emotions were a tangled mass of nerves, confusion, desire, need and greed. We had been skinned raw by the news today. We faced extinction as a couple, torn apart by faceless corporate suits who made decisions detached from society. Who sent men and women over the grid of the United States like chessmen over a board, playing their silly corporate games without regard as to how those moves might affect others. Our nerves had been stimulated beyond reason. This was the result. There were no inhibitions, no restraints. We were going to fuck. That's all.
I wiggled my ass so my cock would find the spot inside Danny. And I did find it. He almost convulsed the first time I hit his prostrate. He drew his knees up and I used that as leverage to pull out. Then I plunged back in. I so wanted to get off quickly, but I restrained. If I did, Danny wouldn't cum, and I wanted us to cum together. So I started a slow rhythm, concentrating each time to try to hit the spot. I wanted his prostrate to be as sensitive as the rest of us was, so I wanted the head of my cock to scrape it with each stroke.
I pulled his feet up and licked his toes, then sucked each one in. It made his ass even tighter, provided a brand new angle and gave me a little distraction so I could try to hold off my climax. Each toe disappeared into my mouth, one at a time, and got a juicy bath. All around and in between. The balls of his feet got soaked next, then the instep. Finally, the heels got their attention. All the while I slowly worked in and out of his ass, gliding like silk.
Our passion was evident in the moaning. I lowered his feet, but still held them in my hands. His left heel scraped against my right nipple and it was like a jolt of electricity. I held his feet so each heel would rub my nipples as I worked in and out.
The more I stroked, the more his heels rubbed my nipples, and the more chafed they became. It increased their sensitivity, and I was having trouble holding back. It was torture I was inflicting on myself.
"Fuck, Justin, I'm almost there," Danny said, breaking me out of my own little word. "Come on, bud, cum with me."
I so badly wanted to speed up and finish with swift, hard strokes, but I couldn't I was mesmerized by the feel of his heels on my nipples. I knew I was on the verge, and somehow I knew that if I kept this slow, steady pace, I would have one of the top 10 orgasms of all time. There were only two feelings left - my cock as it slid inside his golden chute, and the heels on my almost bleeding nipples. Rocking in and out, the sensation took me higher. Danny was on the verge of screaming. He grabbed my pillow and held it over his mouth, then screamed into it as the first volley of cum jetted out of his delicious slit and landed on his right nipple. One, two, three more strokes and my balls contracted almost to my liver. I could feel the contractions in my groin. I let his heels scrape my nipples one more time then helplessly erupted into him. It was a long, steady stream and I didn't slow my strokes. I rocked in and out of him five more times before the sensation became overwhelming and I had to stop. I got a cramp in my balls I came so hard.
I lowered myself onto his chest, squishing the cum he had shot all over himself between us. We were both gasping for breath, not because we had exhausted ourselves with frantic and violent thrusts as in the past, but simply because of the overwhelming intensity of the moment.
We lay in each other's arms, exactly as we had started, utterly drained by the events of the day. Danny didn't ask me to get off, and I didn't offer. We slowly drifted toward sleep - a sleep we both needed and deserved. Almost there, the last sound I heard was two people coming down the hall, and a bedroom door closing.
The next day we broke the news to the gang. It did not go well.
"So, what're we doing today? It's our first day of freedom." Richie said with his usual enthusiasm.
But Kyle was watching us.
"What's the matter guys? You didn't have another fight, did you? Not on the first day of summer vacation."
"Uh, we need to talk to you," Danny said.
"What? What's going on?" Greg asked.
We were in Greg's back yard, sitting around his picnic table.
Danny took a big breath. "Guys." He voice choked. "I'm moving away."
There was stunned silence. Greg and Richie were looking at Danny. Kyle was looking straight at me.
"What?" Richie asked. "What did you say?"
"I said I'm moving. My family is moving. We're going to [his voice caught again] California. I just found out last night."
There was more silence. Usually teenagers can find the most inappropriate things to say. Right now, no one could think of anything to say.
Finally Kyle spoke up. "I can't believe it."
"I can," I said. "I heard it all last night."
"Why?" asked Richie.
"My dad's being transferred to a bank out there. He has to go or be fired."
"Fuck," Richie exploded. "Are you screwing with us? Cuz if you are it isn't funny."
"I'm not," Danny answered.
"Moving? You can't move. What's this shit all about?"
Danny told them. I was pretty proud of him; he didn't cry, didn't lose it at all. He just told them what his dad had told us. Calmly, coolly. Greg and Richie just stared at him. But every time I glanced at Kyle he was watching me.
Greg's mom hollered at him about the same time Danny's called him home. Our first day of summer vacation, and those two were off to mow their lawns. I figured I had to mow mine, too, and I got up to go home. But Kyle stood up and said, "Let's go get a Coke down at the little store."
The little store was a small corner grocery store that had lots of candy, pop, magazines and stuff for kids. A few of the older people in the neighborhood used it to buy canned goods and stuff, but it wasn't really a grocery store. It was the little store.
"Let me get my bike," I said.
"No, let's walk."
We walked around to the front of Greg's house and down the sidewalk. Kyle was silent for about half a block.
"So, what?" I said.
"Fuck you. You know what I mean."
"What do you want me to say? I mean, how do you think I feel?"
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I haven't even had time to think about it. I really have no idea. Kyle, I've slept at Danny's house almost as much over the past few years as I've slept in mine. I won't be able to stand it. I won't have any place to go." I said it very matter-of-factly. I was trying to figure it out, not bawl over it. "This really fucks things up."
"It means we're not going to graduate together."
"Yeah. It means we're not gonna hang out together this summer."
He stopped. "It means you're not going to have a boyfriend."
"Yes, I will. Danny will be my boyfriend. He just won't be here."
"Well, yeah, that's what I mean. I mean, I didn't mean he wouldn't…I mean, you know. Not that he would stop being your boyfriend, just that . . ."
"Kyle, shut up. I know you didn't mean it. I'm having a tough time dealing with this."
"They just told you last night? Did Danny already know?"
"No. They told us both at the same time. God, it was awful. Danny's really broken up about it."
"And you're not?"
"Yeah, 'course I am. But there's nothing I can do about it."
"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't meant to make you mad."
"I'm not mad, Kyle. I'm lost."
"You know the we'll all be here for you."
"I know that. But see, the thing is, you've been here for me a lot lately. I haven't been able to give anything back."
"You've been here for us."
"Yeah," I said, "but you guys haven't needed anything."
"That's beside the point. You've been dealt some really bad hands lately, and none of it's your fault."
"I don't want to rely on you guys."
"We've known you for our whole lives, Justin. That kind of help is real easy to give."
"I don't want you guys to get pissed at me. I just want to be one of the guys."
"You are one of the guys, and you'd do the same for us."
"I haven't had to."
"Doesn't matter. You would."
Wow. A whole conversation about Danny moving and I hadn't cried once. Not even got close. We each got a bottle of pop and headed back.
"Kyle, what do you think would happen if I followed them to California?"
"Followed them? How?"
"I don't know. Hitchhike."
He stopped in front of me and looked at me hard. "Shut the fuck up. You're not going to hitchhike. That's just stupid. Buy a bus ticket if you want to go."
We started walking again. "I can't," I said. "Danny leaving is bad enough. I can't leave you guys. Danny's dad said he'll be making a lot more money, and Danny can come visit. I'll just have to wait and hope it happens a lot."
When we got back, I was right: I had to mow the lawn, too. I think all the parents get together and decide the chores for the day and then everyone has to do it. Either that or one gets this great idea and everyone else copies it. Anyway, I had to mow the lawn.
Danny's dad flew out the next day to start looking for a house. He was gone a week, and when he came back, he said he had put a down payment on one. He showed us pictures of the house. It was twice as big as the one they lived in now, and it had a swimming pool in the back. He showed us pictures of each room - living room, family room, media room, kitchen, dining room, five bathrooms, master bedroom, Charlie's room, the spare bedroom. And then there was one last picture. It was a picture of another bedroom.
"And this," Mr. Shaw said, "is Danny's and your room."
I gave him an odd look.
"When you come visit. You will, Justin. You'll come see us. And you'll always have a place to stay."
Well that pretty much did it. I mumbled a thanks, made a quick excuse to get home, bolted out the door, across the street and into my back yard, where I sank to the ground, my back against the wall, and cried. It's what I needed, really, a long, hard cry all by myself. No one to comfort me, to say they understood or that it would be all right. Just a cry. A self-pitying, puke-up-your-heart cry.
I slept at home that night. It was time to start. The shouting lasted until 3:00, but I did my best to block it out. I listened to my CD player, read, wrote in my journal (the basis for all this), read some more and just tried to ignore everything. I woke up at 7:30 exhausted. I was a zombie all day, and the guys knew it. Kyle was at Becky's, Richie was out doing something hyperkinetic and that left me, Greg and Danny. We were walking toward the YMCA. Well, they were walking; I was plodding. Danny and Greg were talking, and I was using all my energy to stay awake. Then all of a sudden they stopped, but I kept walking. I walked half a block before I realized I was alone. I stopped and looked back. They were standing on the sidewalk, just staring at me.
"Why'd you guys stop?" I asked.
"We wanted to see how long it would take you to notice," Greg answered. He wasn't smiling.
"Justin, we've asked you, like, five questions and you haven't heard any of them. I bet you don't even know what we were talking about," Danny said, a little hotly.
I didn't. I had no response. I didn't have a clue what they were talking about. They caught up to me and we began walking again.
"What the hell's the matter?" Greg asked.
"A lot on my mind."
"I don't think anything's on your mind."
"Fine. Think that."
"Jesus, just leave me alone."
"Did you spend the night at home last night?" he asked.
"What does it matter?"
"You didn't sleep, did you?" Damn. I have all these geniuses as friends. How's a person supposed to keep things to himself so he can brood over them, let them fester and put him into a pissy mood? I didn't even look at Danny. I could feel his anger.
"I did, too."
"Did they fight?"
"Yeah, till about three."
"Damn. Richie said he saw you outside this morning before 8:00. You got like four hours of sleep."
"A little more."
"Why didn't you go over to Danny's?"
"Greg, this is a little personal."
"I don't care. Danny's going to be moving and you're only going to be left with us. I gotta get to know some things."
"That's about the same thing that Kyle said. But the thing is, I don't want to have to rely on you. I have to start relying on myself."
"Why? I mean, friends help each other out. I can't begin to tell you how you've helped all of us. It's time we did something for you."
"Time you did something for me? Have you forgotten a recent head injury? Have you forgotten homework? Have you forgotten physical therapy? You've done everything for me."
"That's beside the point. Danny's leaving, and I know you've relied on him to help out on those nights when it's unbearable - like last night. But just because he's moving, don't let yourself get crazy."
"When he's gone I won't have any place to go."
"Of course you will. You can come to any of our houses."
"No, I can't. I can't ask your family to do that. It's not fair. I'm 15 years old. I have to start doing things for myself."
"Well, this isn't one of them. It'll affect you, your health, your grades, and all of us."
"Yeah, but, Greg, be real. How would your mom feel if I just walked into your house at night while everyone was asleep?"
"You walk into Danny's house."
"I've been doing that since I was six. They know what's going on."
"Tell my mom what's going on. I hate to say it, but she's pretty cool when it comes to things like this."
"I don't know. I can't ask your parents to do that. I mean, I've been going to Danny's three or four times a week. It wouldn't be fair to your family."
"Why don't you let my family decide?"
"Where would I sleep? You got a spare room?"
"No. I got a double bed." He glanced at Danny. "And if you're not comfortable with that, there's a mattress we can put on the floor."
"You should listen to him, bud," Danny said. It startled me. He hadn't said anything this whole time.
"Justin, you can't stay at home every night. You'd be fried within a week. It would really hurt you. I don't want you to be hurt."
"Oh, god. I don't know. I'll think about it."
We played a couple of games of Horse at the Y, and a pick-up basketball game. Shirts vs. skins. I LOVE that game. Danny and I were on opposite teams. He was a skin. And believe it or not, my team won. I wasn't much help. Every time I had the ball he'd come over to guard me and I just wanted to hand him the ball and clamp down on one of his nipples right there. Nonetheless, we won and I felt pretty good about it.
We walked home, and as we turned the corner to our street, we saw it. A "For Sale" sign in Danny's front yard.
It was all over in three weeks. The house was sold. Danny's dad was in California, coming home on weekends. The sale would close in 30 days, and they'd be gone. The entire foundation of my life.
Packing started. Old stuff was thrown out. Danny and I tried not to cry, but at night it usually overwhelmed us. He wasn't his cheery self. I know I wasn't. I can't tell you if the sun shined, if it rained or if the earth split open and swallowed the rest of the town. I just don't know. My entire life was focused on Danny. I wanted as much of him as I could get before he left. But maybe he wouldn't leave. Maybe there would be a last-minute reprieve. Maybe they'd realize how valuable Danny's dad was at the bank and let him stay.
Two weeks before they were to move, Danny's dad flew home early, on Thursday night instead of Friday. The next morning at breakfast - I was starting to stay at Danny's again overnight when things got bad - he gathered the family around.
"Well, next weekend is our last one in town. There will be a lot to do. So I think this weekend we need to do some visiting. My sister wants us to come for the weekend, and I think we have to. We won't see her for a long time."
Danny immediately protested.
"Hey, that's not fair. I . . ."
Mr. Shaw cut him off.
"Let me finish. Mom, Charlie and I will go to see her. Someone needs to stay and keep an eye on all the stuff that's packed. That would be you, Danny, and Justin if he wants to."
We just stared at him. He was trying to hide a smile.
"Well, it's pretty important. And something you need to do together. You'll need to spend a lot of time together."
"You mean . . ."
"I mean you don't need to go to Aunt Deena's with us. You guys need to stay here. You need to say goodbye to each other."
Wow. He was giving us permission. He didn't say it in so many words, but that's what he meant. We knew it.
"We'll leave about 7:00 in the morning. I'd like you boys to be awake and see us off so we can give you any last minute instructions."
That night we went out for pizza. I stopped by home to tell mom and dad that I'd be at Danny's the whole weekend. They didn't mind. They didn't seem to be talking much any more.
When I got to Danny's he was digging some stuff out of the attic for his dad. Charlie was in the back yard, so I went to talk to him.
"How ya feeling?"
"Awful. I don't want to move."
"I know, bud, I don't want you to move, either."
"Yeah, but you don't because of Danny."
"Yeah, but because of you, too, Charlie. You and your mom and your dad."
"Yeah, sure. But you, too, Charlie. I mean that."
"I gotta leave all my friends."
"Well, I could tell you that you'll make new ones, and you will. But I know that doesn't help."
"No, it doesn't. Justin, what am I going to do?"
I sighed. The weather was perfect. Warm but cooling off now that the sun was down. This town may have its problems, being so small, but it was a good place to grow up. You could get in trouble - Richie had proven that. But for the most part, although it was a little boring, we had a lot of freedom. Now he was having to trade that for a larger town, warm weather, new friends, bigger schools and a truck load of uncertainty.
"I don't know. I guess you're just going to do it, Charlie. You're going to move, and you're going to make new friends. You don't have a choice. You're going to do the best you can. Lots of kids have to move. It doesn't kill them. You're a smart kid. You know how to make friends. You're nice. You're cute. You like to laugh. You can play sports. I don't think you're going to have any trouble."
He was silent for a moment. "Ya think?"
"I'm sure," I chuckled.
The back door slammed.
"Hey, bud," Danny said. "Whatcha doin'?"
"Just hanging out with Charlie while you're busy."
"Mom's got some ice cream for a bed time snack."
"Okay. Go get it and bring some for all of us," I said.
"Cuz you're outvoted, right Charlie?"
"Yeah, you're outvoted," he giggled.
Danny rolled his eyes and left to get the ice cream.
"Thanks, Justin," Charlie said quietly.
"You'll be fine, bud."
I was horny when we went to bed. But we agreed to wait till tomorrow when everyone was gone. I have no idea how we got to sleep without fucking. But we did.
The alarm went off at 6:30. Ungodly for a Saturday during summer vacation. We got up, dressed and went out to breakfast with the rest.
There weren't many instructions. Mr. Shaw had this grin on his face like he enjoyed seeing us up at 7:00 in the morning. Either that, or he wanted us to take maximum advantage of the day and a half alone. At 7:00 they piled into the car. Just before he got in, Mr. Shaw took us aside. He handed Danny 50 dollars. "Have a good time. Don't forget to eat. And be careful, boys. Don't get hurt."
The car backed out of the driveway. We cleaned up the breakfast dishes to give us enough time to make sure they were out of town. Then we got serious.
We started slow by finishing cleaning in the nude. I just let my jeans fall to the floor. Amazingly, I was soft and so was Danny. For a few moments. I can't help it, I love his soft cock. I dropped to my knees and slipped it into my mouth, and sucked it till it was hard. I love feeling it harden in my mouth. I got hard too.
After that, there was no stopping us. We fucked and sucked everywhere. Our first orgasm came in the kitchen, him laying on the table, me sucking him off. Then he lifted his legs to be fucked. The butter was the only thing handy, so we lubed with that and it fucked him till we both came. Into the shower for a quick wash. Morning cartoons took on a new dimension. We lay naked on the sofa watching them, sucking and licking each other's toes. Then I scooted up on the couch and put Danny's feet against my cock. I rubbed my cock along the soles until they were covered with precum. Then I held them together while I slid my cock in between them and fucked. The pressure built and built till I sprayed a load up his legs and all over his feet. Then I licked them clean.
He moved to me and lay on top of me. Then he began grinding his cock against mine, which was still slick from my orgasm. His eyes had lust in them, and need and desire. I rubbed his nipples and he threw his head back. The pressure increased as he sought release. It was slow in coming, but I kept up the assault on his nipples. And I talked to him. "Come on, buddy. Cum for me. Grind against me. Yeah, bud, faster. Come on, my lover." Like that. He drifted off into his own fantasy. Still I didn't release his nipples. His body got stiff, he arched his back, and blew a load between us that was followed by my own. I hadn't even realized I was that close to cumming. He hugged us tightly together, letting our cums mix and squish between us. We took a nap that way. The cum dried. We loved it.
The whole day was like that. At one point we found ourselves in the hallway, Danny on his back, me bouncing vigorously on his cock. He blasted into me while I coated his gorgeous belly with my cream. When he went to get us some munchies out of the fridge, I attacked his ass hole and ate for all I was worth. He buckled to the floor giggling, but soon was gasping. I grasped his cock and jacked in time with the strokes of my tongue on his pucker, and we wound up having to clean chilled jism out of the crisper drawer.
The stairs to the basement became new ground for us. We tried all the chairs in the living room. We fucked so hard on his bed that the mattress fell off. We each came twice in the bathroom. The only rooms we didn't fuck in were his parent's room and Charlie's room.
We phoned for pizza about 6:00, when the delivery boy came, Danny answered with just a pair of Charlie's gym shorts on. I had asked him to put them on a while before because they were too small for him and they hugged his butt and cock. His cock was straining against them as he paid the delivery guy. I don't know of the guy noticed or not, but we both got a huge laugh out of it. If we hadn't been so turned on all day we would have been terribly embarrassed.
By 10:00 that evening we were fucked out. We had last cum at 6:30, and they were dry cums. We snuggled next to each other watching the end of a late baseball game on TV, when my cock became hard again. Hard and sore. I couldn't believe it. We had fucked all day long. Okay, to be honest, the reason I got hard was because Danny was smearing lotion on our cocks. And I got hard and horny, believe it or not. All right, believe it.
When he was done, Danny lay beside me on the couch, each of us on our sides, his back to my front so we could watch TV. That put my slickened cock against his juicy ass, and nature took its course. I slowly slipped into Danny's ready hole, already stretched by the day's activities. Then I just stopped. I didn't thrust. I put my arm around him and held him against me, me buried in him. We watched a movie connected like that. Now and then he would squeeze his muscle to keep me hard, or slide around on my cock. Toward the end of the movie he was lying still. My arm was still around him, and I began just lightly teasing his nipple. Actually, I began by lightly running my index finger around it but not touching it. He took several deep breaths. Then I touched the nib - right in the center, very, very lightly, and moved my finger around. He began to squirm and move his ass around.
I flicked across the small nipple a couple of times, and took it between my thumb and forefinger. Softly I pinched, then rubbed again, then flicked. I wetted my finger and slid it around the nipple. He started to thrust back against my cock and I assaulted the hard nipple more and more. He became more urgent, then slid forward on the couch until he could scoot his knees off to the ground. I followed, never leaving the warmth of his ass. Once I was knelt behind him the thrusts bean in earnest, hard and relentless, initiated by Danny, met by me. My whole body tingled, and I didn't know if I could cum once more that day. The base of my cock itched as if it were partially numb. Danny's ass wasn't as tight as when we started and I worried that it wouldn't be enough stimulation for my desensitized glans.
I continued to play with his nipple with one hand, and with the other began to jack him off. He was making "uh-uh" noises as I slammed into him, which I did harder and harder to increase the feeling. I could feel the climax build, but I wasn't sure I could actually get there. I sucked on his neck, matching his "uh-uh" noises with my own, which rose in intensity. I was pinching the nipple hard, and I had an iron grasp on his cock. Our voices were screaming as I felt Danny's cock harden even more. "UH-UH-UH-HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnn." Danny came all over my hand and the front of the couch. It made him squeeze his ass just tight enough to send me over, and my cum-shout was as loud as his.
Still hard, I stayed in him as we climbed back onto the couch, and fell asleep.
The next morning I woke to Danny sucking on my cock. Our 69 quickly led to spurts of high protein drinks for breakfast. We lounged on the couch, head to foot, and I just couldn't help nibbling on his toes and soles as we watched a DVD movie. We took a shower, but we started making out in the middle. We managed to get out, but out session had become so hot that as we opened the bathroom door and tumbled into the hall on the way to his bed we tripped and fell down. For the second time we fucked, and I mean FUCKED, in the hallway.
We managed to get the dirty dishes washed in the kitchen, but as he stood at the sink washing, I was licking his asshole. Then I dried as he sucked me and licked me clean.
We got lunch, and played footsie all the way through. Toward the end I put my bare foot on his chair and began playing with his cock. I rubbed as he tried to finish his sandwich, precum making the sole slick enough to slide along his length. The orgasm hit him suddenly, as he was taking a drink of milk, and he spluttered all over the table and floor as his cock oozed its cum over my toes. He lifted my foot to his mouth and cleaned it off. Then he went to get some paper towels to clean the mess. After wiping off the table, he got on his hands and knees to clean the floor. I planted my mouth on his rosebud and licked, then eased my cock into his open hole and we slammed against each other until we both came.
We crawled into his bed about 1:00. His folks would be home at 3:00. We set the alarm clock for 2:30 and drifted off. Danny hit the snooze at least once when the alarm went off, and by the time we woke up, it was 2:45. Giggling devilishly, we worked each other into quick hard-ons, and began masturbating, seeing who could get the other off first. I won, but just before Danny's hand fell away, I came, smearing his fingers with cream. We licked each other clean, jumped out of the bed, found clean clothes, and were just walking down the hall toward the kitchen as the car pulled into the driveway.
The whole next week was a round of sleeping at each others' house. Mine, Danny's, Richie's, Greg's and Kyle's, in that order. Each set of parents wanted to say good-bye to Danny. But since we were sleeping over, and all the guys were at each sleepover, it meant Danny and I couldn't make love. Not once that whole last week. Our quickie jerk-off session Sunday was the last. But at each house, the guys let us sleep together. And on Saturday, the fateful day.
We had stayed at Kyle's. The moving van came about 8:00, while we were still asleep. Kyle's mom fixed breakfast. By the time we all wandered outside, the process was in full swing. We stared open-mouthed at the efficiency of the movers. The house was half-empty all ready. Danny's bedroom was packed and loaded. So were Mr. and Mrs. Shaw's and Charlie's. The kitchen was barren. Only the couch and TV remained in the family room.
By 3:00 it was over. The huge doors on the back of the trailer swung closed. They placed a lock on it and pressed a seal into a thin metal strip, making sure Mr. Shaw saw it all. He gave them some last minute instructions, and the van made its way up our quiet residential street. It seemed out of place, aggressively intrusive. It was as if a behemoth had lumbered into our neighborhood, menacing and hungry, and snatched an entire family for its supper, then moved on to its next prey. The Shaws were its supper this time.
Mom and Dad came out with some other neighbors to wish the Shaws luck, then went back to their Saturday chores. Mrs. Shaw got teary through it all. Becky had come into town to say good-bye. Charlie went around and hugged us all, but when he got to me he couldn't contain himself any more. He cried into my shirt as I held him close. I had watched him grow up, too. He had been as much of my life as anyone else. He was the little brother I didn't have, but I did have him. I saw him every day. I teased him, fought with him, watched TV with him, played ball with him, ran and swam and ate with him. He was not the main thing in my life, but I realized he was damn close to it. I didn't want him to leave, either. I loved this kid. Why did it take this to make me realize it? I brushed his hair and hugged him close, planting kisses on the top of his head. He was only two years younger than me, but he felt so fragile. He quieted and looked up at me.
"I love you, Charlie. Please take care of yourself. I'm going to miss you so much," I said.
"I love you, too, Justin. 'Bye."
He got in the car and buried his face in a pillow.
"Where's Danny?" Mr. Shaw asked.
"He went back in the house for something," Mrs. Shaw said.
"We've gotta go."
"I'll go get him," I said. I knew why he was in there.
"Take your time," Mr. Shaw said quietly.
I walked through the door into an unfamiliar kitchen. Over the years the Shaw's had gotten a new table, new appliances and stuff, but it was always the same kitchen. This one was empty. The movers had taken the soul. This was not the Shaw's house any more. It felt cold and impersonal, not at all the refuge of safety and comfort it had been for almost 10 years, and my second home for nearly 16. There were no pictures on the hallway walls. The light was stark and harsh.
Danny was standing in the middle of his room. When I looked in, a tear rolled down his cheek. I walked to him and took him into my arms. We couldn't have kissed at the car. But here, for one last moment, we could.
"This is killing me," he said. "I can't do this."
"Yes, you can, bud. You have to. If we can stand this we can stand anything. Danny, nothing can keep us apart. We will be together again. I don't know when. But we will. Maybe you'll find someone else" I had to stop him from protesting, "but even if you do, we will always be friends. We will always be soul-mates. We have too much invested in each other to let it die.
"Danny, you saved my life. You've given me strength. You have never, ever shown me anything else. You taught me what love is. You make me feel fantastic, even if I only look at you. You are the flame inside me. You give me life."
It was not an eloquent speech. It came from the heart, not a thesaurus. I wish I could have said it better. Danny was quite simply everything to me, but that didn't sound like enough.
"Here," I said. I pulled out a box from my pocket . He opened it and took out a small picture frame with a photo of us. It was when we were nine. We had just gotten out of the swimming pool, dripping wet, with a huge orange beach towel wrapped around both of our shoulders as we each ate an ice cream bar and smiled cheesily at the camera. If you look up the word "friends" in your Funk and Wagnall's, that picture should be there.
Danny smiled, said, "Here," and pulled out a box from his pocket. I opened it and took out a small picture frame with a photo of us. It was when we were nine. In fact, it was the same day. This time we were sleeping, snuggled together in a sleeping bag, the chocolate from the ice cream bar still on our lips. There is no word for what that picture defines - it transcends simple language.
We held each other gently, I tilted my head, and our lips met. It was a good-bye kiss, not a passion kiss. Neither of us got hard. Our hearts were too broken for that. The pain was unbearable. Our tongues played, and then we kissed softy two more times, and turned to leave the bedroom for the last time in our lives.
We didn't try to stop crying at the car. Mr. Shaw hugged me tight. "Take care of yourself, son. I'll get you two together as soon as I possibly can. Please take care of yourself." I could only nod.
I dreaded hugging Mrs. Shaw. "Good-bye, sweetheart," she said. Or tried to say. She choked on her words. "Oh, Justin, I'll miss you so much. Thank you for everything. Oh, that sounds so lame."
"I didn't do anything, Mrs. Shaw. It's I who have to say thanks. Thanks for holding me, kissing me, opening your door. And Mrs. Shaw?" I broke down uncontrollably. "Thank you for giving me Danny."
Danny and I hugged once more. Then they all got in the car and backed out the drive. Mr. Shaw, Mrs. Shaw and Charlie all gave a sad wave. Danny could not.
We watched the car for two blocks, and then it turned toward the highway several streets away, and out of our lives.
The five of us looked at each other. Greg and Richie nodded at Kyle and Becky.
"I gotta mow the law," Greg said.
"Yeah, mom wants me home to clean the garage," Richie said. They rubbed my back and walked away.
"Let's go," Kyle said. We walked to his house. There's a nice sun room on the back of his house. The rest of his family had left to go shopping. It was just the three of us. We sat in that beautiful room and Kyle got us some Kool-Aid.
I took a sip, started to say something about the nice day, and lost it. Becky took me into her arms and I sobbed on her shoulder. Kyle came over and made it a group hug. The three of them held me for half an hour, until I could get under control.
I sniffed a big sniff and sat back. Kyle got me a washcloth and towel, which felt great. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
"I can't keep doing this," I said. "I have to move on."
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