I rushed through the hallway and looked around. The first classes would begin in a few minutes and Chouteau High was full of students. Wherever I looked, there were students sitting on the benches, laughing and telling each other what had happened over the weekend.
After walking from one end of the hallway to the other, I walked back the way I had come. Where on earth had he disappeared, I thought. Javier was nowhere to be found, and I was running out of time.
Suddenly, I bumped into someone in the crowd.
"Whoa! Dude, watch where you're walking," the boy said, glaring at me.
"Um, sorry," I said, before realizing it was Bryan. "I was just looking for… forget it."
"Looking for your boyfriend?" he said, pushing me against the wall.
"Boys! Behave there," the principal's resonant voice echoed in the hallway.
The old bastard was creepy, but I was pleased that Bryan let go of me and continued on his way in the other direction. I smiled at him, but the strident look on his face indicated that he considered me as guilty as Bryan. I didn't have time to fix the understanding. I had to find Javier before classes started.
The kiss yesterday had been surprising, as had mom standing at the kitchen door a few seconds later. I had panicked and literally pushed him out the door, telling her that he was jogging and just needed something to drink. Technically speaking, it wasn't a lie.
But what am I going to say to him, I pondered. Thanks for the kiss, and sorry that I asked you to leave?"
The whole night and morning I had been sick with worry that he would be upset because I literally pushed him out the door so suddenly. But why would it matter? We were hardly friends, or were we. And had he realized the kiss was hardly unrequited.
I wanted to give him an explanation, but it felt risky. Will the other students start rumors if they see us talking?
I tried to hold my growing concern, but my mind was full of questions I was afraid to answer, and the closer the moment when I would meet him came, the more uncertain I became. Still, every time I thought of him, I felt his hands on my face, I felt his lips, and I smelled his scent.
A hand touched my shoulder, but this time it wasn't Javier.
"Why are you smiling like an idiot?" Chris asked.
"Um, hi. I was just…" I said, blushing.
"Wait. You did it with Hannah," he whispered, grinning. "I know that face."
"Actually, Hannah and I…" I began.
"Too much information," he interrupted. "Besides, I need your help."
He pushed me farther from the other students and explained how his meeting with the coach had failed. His parents didn't have too much money, and I felt sorry for my friend. Besides, it would suck big time if I left after high school and my best friend had to stay in Chouteau. It had always been our plan to go to college together.
"I hate that fucking fag!" he hissed. "He fucking ruined my life. Why couldn't he stay in his pathetic closet?"
"Yeah. Kicking you off the team was unreasonable. Um, I'm just not sure if Javier did anything wrong," I said, quickly adding, "or maybe I don't know everything."
"Are you defending him?"
"No, of course not."
"Good. Tell me what I should do then."
I glanced at the clock on the wall. There were still three minutes before class started. Wishing time would speed up, I cleared my throat, but no words came out. Students passed us on their way to class and I gestured to Chris that we should follow them.
"I should tell you something about Hannah," I said as we walked down the hallway.
"Please, spare me the details," he said, pretending he wasn't interested.
"No. it's nothing like that. We…"
My words trailed off when I saw her standing outside our classroom. My stomach rolled, and I did my best to avoid eye contact with her. The little I glanced at her; she seemed more composed than I had expected. She approached us with small and slow steps, like she was hesitating.
The calm before the storm, I reminded myself, closing my eyes. When I opened them again, she was a few steps away from me. She had the smallest smile on her face, which was surprising.
"Can we talk?" she asked.
I looked at Chris and then checked the time on my watch. The bell would ring any minute. If she wanted to tell me off, shouldn't we have this conversation after the school day was over. Besides, I had gotten the messages already. We were officially over.
"See you in class," Chris said, patting my shoulder. "And please think of a way to get me back on the football team. I don't want to let that faggot win," he whispered before he left.
He walked to the classroom, and I followed with my gaze until I couldn't see him any longer. His words hurt me like a knife had been stabbed in my back. I slumped; the energy suddenly sucked out of me.
Our friendship is over, if I tell him, I thought. I remembered then that Hannah was standing in front of me.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"Um, it's not your fault. I should…"
"I shouldn't have sent those messages," she said, blushing. "And can we forget what happened in my bedroom?"
The offer was tempting. There were few things I wanted more than to never talk about the events on that horrible night again, and now that option was in front of me on a silver platter. Something in my head told me that I couldn't be that lucky.
"So, can you forgive me?" she asked, looking me in the eyes like a puppy.
"Um, sure," I said, still too afraid to smile.
If I had any doubts she wasn't sincere, they disappeared when she hugged me tightly. Hesitantly, I wrapped my arms around her and patted her back. The next moment, she pulled back a bit and kissed me on the lips.
"I love you so much," she said, her eyes flashing. "I thought I had ruined everything."
"I love you too," I heard myself saying just before the bell rang.
What if it was best for everybody that we stayed together? Maybe that was how the universe had planned things to be.
"See you at lunch," she said.
She stood on her tiptoes and gave me one last kiss.
But when she pulled away, I noticed Javier, standing only a few steps away, staring right at me.
The universe had screwed up big time.
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