Secrets

by Victor Thomas

Chapter 11

After four days of abstinence, I couldn't stand it anymore. I'd been whacking it like a madman, but it just wasn't the same. I truly pitied all those guys who went for months and even years without getting any. My desire for Paxton was at a fever pitch and I wanted to try something new. It's not that I was bored with blowjobs, not at all, but I wanted more.

During one of my days off I called Paxton and told him to get his ass over to my house. Carson was at work and mom and Janelle had taken Colin out to search for after Christmas bargains. I had several hours before their return. Once they had began shopping, there was no stopping them. They'd made shopping into an art form.

I knew I was taking a bit of a risk, but the slight edge of danger only added to my excitement, not that I needed more; I was about to bust a nut. He showed up looking fine in a green sweater and jeans. I took him to my room and ordered him to strip.

Damn, he was gorgeous, even more so than I am. Yeah, I know you're thinking what a conceited dick I am, but I don't really care what you think. If you were as hot as I am, you'd think you were hot stuff too; what's more, you'd be right!

I stripped completely naked, too, then commanded him to get on his knees. I loved the way he obeyed without resisting. I'd broken him, and it gave me no end of satisfaction. It was even better than the sex, believe it or not, and that's saying something, because the sex was incredible. No girl could hold a candle to him, now that he'd had some practice.

I won't be vulgar and describe his technique. If you wanna read that kind of thing, you'll have to go somewhere else. I'm sure you pretty much know what he was doing anyway, and if you don't, well, this isn't sex education class. I nearly laughed for a moment. I'd taken sex ed and it was nearly worthless. Even if I'd been a hetero it wouldn't have taught me much.

I finished up way too fast. I was just too worked up. If Paxton had been a girl, I would've been worried he'd gossip about my premature ejaculation, but I knew he wasn't telling anyone. He stood up and reached for his boxers, but I grabbed his wrist.

"We're not done yet."

"But we always…"

"Yeah, I know what we always do, but today we're going further. The girls have been way too busy with all their holiday crap to put out for me, so it's your turn."

"What… do… you mean?" he asked nervously.

"I mean you're going to lie down on your back and be a girl for me."

"Fuck no, I'm not!"

"You'll do what I say!"

"Not that! No fucking way! Having to blow you is as far as I go. I'm not into this homo shit!"

"Need I remind you that you're my little bitch? You'll do it now and anytime I want."

"No! I'm drawing the line here, man."

"You're in no position to make deals," I said, walking to my dresser drawer and pulling out a tape.

I put the tape in the VCR and pushed play. I had it queued for just such an occasion. On my small TV screen was Paxton going down on Wyatt. You could see Wyatt's face in the shot, but that hardly mattered.

"How would you like all the guys on the team to get a copy of this?" I asked. "I'm sure your girlfriend and your parents would just love one too, and Coach Benson."

"Please, Bryce, come on! You wouldn't really do that, man!"

"Try me."

"I'm begging you, Bryce, don't do this to me, please. Any girl in town will put out for you. Can't you just wait another day or two? I'm sure something will turn up for you."

"Paxton, I've got something right now, you, and I'll bet you'll be tighter than any girl I've had."

"This is sick, man! Come on, we're both guys! You can't be into this homo shit!"

"What I'm into is making sure you know you're my bitch. I know you, Paxton; if I don't show you who's boss, you'll get cocky on me. We're two of a kind, but I have the upper hand."

"You're the boss, okay. I'm your bitch! Just please don't make me do this!"

"Ah, but Paxton, this will make you remember it forever."

I nearly took pity on him, the poor little straight boy, but then I remembered what guys like him did to boys like Shayne and Oliver. They didn't cut the gay boys any slack, did they? I didn't know Shayne all that well and Oliver not at all, but did they deserve what happened to them? Maybe I was being cruel, but the world was a cruel place. The strong dominated the weak and took what they wanted. I wanted Paxton's anal virginity.

Okay, I truly can't tell you what happened next without getting totally pornographic. I wouldn't mind that too much, but I'm not sure if you could take it. If you're into that sort of thing, you can think about it all you want; nobody is stopping you, but all I'm gonna say is that I did to Paxton what I said I would. I know it hurt him some, although I wasn't trying to make it painful. It was the most amazing sensation I'd ever experienced before. I'd done a few girls, but none of them felt as good. Doing it bare made it even better. My world was perfect.

Perfection never lasts. About five seconds after I finished the most intense climax of my entire life, my bedroom door opened. I whipped my head around, still inside Paxton. Carson entered, followed closely by my sister.

"It's just over… holy fuck!" he said, his voice going from normal to a shout."

I jumped up, but it hardly helped to hide what was going on. I might as well have still been thrusting into Paxton.

"Oh, my god," said Carson, his mouth hanging open.

Janelle was standing there looking more embarrassed than I'd ever seen her.

There was Paxton and me, completely naked. The tape of him having sex with Wyatt was still playing, more incriminating evidence to hang me, not that any was necessary.

"You, you… oh god, this is sick," said Carson.

Janelle led him out of my room, closing the door behind her. Paxton looked at me, stricken.

"We're both going down now, Bryce. You've just fucked up your life and mine! Thanks a lot, asshole!"

I thought he was going to strike me. instead, he pulled on his boxers and began to dress.

"You just keep your mouth shut about it," I said. "I'll keep Carson quiet."

"You got something on him, too? Are you blackmailing the whole fucking world?"

"Just let me handle it. Don't freak out. We've got to be cool about this. If nothing else, we can just deny it. Even if I can't stop Carson and he tells everyone, we'll stick together on this. No one is going to believe it anyway, are they? If necessary, we'll turn it back on Carson. I'll take care of it."

"With a friend like you, who needs an enemy," he said, clearly disgusted.

I noted, however, that he was beginning to calm down considerably.

I began to dress as he finished. After he departed, I put away the tape, put my clothes on, and walked into the living room. Carson and Janelle were sitting there talking, no doubt about me, because they fell silent as I approached.

"I'll talk to you first," I said to him.

"I have nothing to say to you!" he growled.

"Well, I have plenty to say to you. Come on."

He didn't budge.

"You can come to my room of your own free will, or I'll drag you there," I said, crossing my arms and flexing my muscles.

He angrily stood and stomped toward my room. My eyes met Janelle's. she didn't seem nearly as surprised to find Paxton and me together as Carson did. She didn't seem surprised at all.

I followed Carson to my room and closed the door.

"You just stay over there," he said. "Don't come near me, you fag."

"I'm not a fag."

"Well, what the fuck was that I saw when I walked in? It sure as hell looked like you fucking Paxton."

"Oh, it was exactly what it looked like, but you misunderstood."

"I misunderstood what?"

"I'm not gay," I lied. "I was just proving a point to him. I've got something on him, and I'm using it to my advantage. I'm going to be quarterback and team captain next year because Paxton wouldn't dare stand in my way."

"You're blackmailing him?" he finally asked.

"You saw the tape."

"So, Paxton's a fag?"

"You got it," I lied.

"I fucking hate faggots, but I'll tell you one thing; you're no better, Bryce. What I saw you doing to him was just too gross for words. How could you…"

"Hell, he probably liked it," I said.

"You're sick, and I still think you're a fag."

"Listen, I don't care what you think of me, but you're going to keep your mouth shut about this. You're not going to go around spreading rumors. If word gets out about Paxton, I won't be able to control him anymore."

"What if word gets out about what I saw you doing to him," he threatened.

"Then I'll know you're the one who talked."

That's all I said, but the threat of violence was implied. He knew I'd fuck him up bad if he breathed a word about what he'd seen.

"Fuck, I bet you groped me while we took that nap, didn't you? I can't believe this! My best friend, my former best friend, a faggot!"

I grabbed him by the throat and cocked my fist back. I was trembling with anger. It was all I could do to keep myself from smashing his face. As it was, I squeezed his throat hard. He slowly turned blue. A part of me didn't want to stop.

"If you ever call me that again, I'll beat the shit out of you."

His eyes were wild with terror. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to hurt him bad. I finally released him, and he grasped his throat, gasping for breath.

"You're a fucking psycho," he said, backing away.

"And don't you ever forget it," I said, grinning menacingly.

"I'll keep my mouth shut, Bryce, for one reason and one reason only, your mom. It would break her heart if she found out what a disgusting piece of filth you've become. You make me sick! We can't be friends anymore, got it? I don't even want to be near you, but I'm going to act as if everything is cool between us for her sake."

"Fine," I said. "As long as you keep your mouth shut, I don't care why."

He stormed out of my room. When he was gone, I locked the door and sank down on my bed. I felt like crying, but I didn't; I was far too tough for that. Still, it hurt to have years of friendship end just like that. I'd wondered for a long-time what Carson would think if he discovered I was gay. I'd lied to cover it up, but I didn't know if he believed me. I guess it didn't matter anymore. We were finished. It was going to be damned hard to pretend nothing had changed, but I wasn't going to hurt my mom by getting into it with him in front of her. I'd have to cool it big time for her sake.

I realized as I sat there that she must have come home with Janelle, but where had she been during all this? Why wasn't Carson still at work? I guess one of the other guys could have been covering for him. The reason hardly mattered. Mom, on the other hand, mattered very much. What if she overheard?

I got up, unlocked my door, and walked into the living room. Mom was sitting there holding Colin. Carson glared at me as he stood behind her, but then smiled when he came into mom's line of sight. Janelle was gazing at me, too, but trying to act as if an intensely dramatic scene hadn't just played itself out a few minutes before. I looked at mom again. If she had any clue about what had happened, she didn't show it.

"Bryce, would you like to go for a walk?" asked Janelle. "You and I haven't really had a chance to talk since the drive over from the airport."

"Yeah, sure," I said.

I walked to my bedroom to dress for a long winter's walk, then returned to the living room to wait on her. She wasn't long in coming, but it felt like an eternity under the gaze of my former best friend.

Her and I stepped out into the falling snow.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"You're sorry?"

"This is my fault. I wanted to borrow your CD player, and Carson said he knew just where it was. We thought you were gone. If I had any idea… well, I'm sorry."

"I didn't know any of you had returned, and he was supposed to be at work."

"We'd only been home for a couple of minutes. Carson arrived just as we did."

"Did mom hear anything?" I asked.

"No. She was still outside with Colin when we… walked in on you, and she was in the kitchen when you and him were shouting at each other. I turned on the TV and went and talked to her so she wouldn't hear."

I looked at her for a moment, then looked away. I still couldn't believe she'd walked in and seen Paxton and me going at it. So, this is what it felt like to be on the other end. I'd walked in on Carson and mom, and now him and Janelle had walked in on Paxton and me.

"You don't seem terribly surprised by what you saw," I said.

"Well, I was shocked because, like I said, we didn't know you were home, but as far as what you were doing… well, I've had suspicions about you for a long time. I don't mean that in a bad way, Bryce, it's just that ever since you were a kid, I just had this gut instinct that you were gay."

"Well, your instinct was dead on."

"I suppose your harem is just a cover?"

I grinned.

"A cover and a release. A guy had needs, you know." I paused. "Do you think I'm a coward for hiding what I am?"

"You're anything but a coward, Bryce. I think you're smart. Nothing freaks people out quite as much as homosexuality."

"It just wrecked my friendship with Carson, or rather his prejudice wrecked it."

"I assumed as much when I saw the look on his face when he returned. Do you think he'll cause trouble?"

"No. I threatened him, and he said he'd keep my secret, for mom's sake. We're going to pretend to still be friends, for her."

"I don't know if that will work very well, Bryce. The hostility between the two of you is pretty obvious."

"We'll get better at covering it up, around mom at least."

"Are you okay, Bryce?"

"I'm tough. It hurts to see my friendship end with him, but on the other hand, if he'd going to be such a dick about it, he can just fuck off. Everything else in my life is awesome now. I don't need him."

"Well, if you want to talk, I'm here."

"Thanks, Janelle," I said, giving her a hug. "So, what do you think of your little brother being gay?"

"I love you no matter what you are, Bryce. I just want you to be happy."

"Then your wish is granted."

"I'm pleased to hear that. You're really happy?"

"Hell yeah! Everything is going my way; then there's Paxton…"

"I never had a boyfriend that good looking," she said, enviously.

I grinned. I thought it best not to dispel her misunderstanding about Paxton. The less she knew about the real situation, the better. I didn't want to lie to her, but the truth would not do.

"He's a lot of fun."

"I'm not surprised you picked him; he's gorgeous."

"Oh yeah!" I said.

I felt strange talking to my sister about him. It was a good strange. Never before had I been able to talk to anyone about my attraction to other guys.

"I'm totally embarrassed about you walking in on us, but I feel like some kind of weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I always wondered what you'd think of me if you knew I was gay, and now I know."

"You should have known already, little brother. As for being embarrassed, I'm the one who walked in on you."

"And you got quite an eyeful."

She laughed.

"That's certainly true."

"I'm glad we can laugh about this," I said. "When it happened, well… I figured my life was over."

"Now you know it's not."

"Yeah, Carson is being a total dick about it, but if that's how he feels, then he can go screw himself."

"Bryce…"

"Don't worry. I'll make nice for mom's sake."

I wrapped my arm around her and we walked on in the falling snow. I wished she could stay home for good.