A story (C) 2002/2003 by ZUSTARA ORUR. Contact address: email@example.com 2.0 May not be redistributed, commercial use prohibited!
English is a second language to me, so please excuse any goofs present herein regarding grammar, spelling. I try to do the best I can!
Legal mumbo-jumbo BS: this story features explicit descriptions of sexual acts between consenting male youths. The story is fictional, and only took place in my mind. If this sort of thing bothers you; you are under-age (and anybody cares about it); reading this story happens to be illegal wherever you may be right now; etc, please STOP READING. I won't get in trouble, but you might, who knows. If all is hunky-dory, feel free to continue, if that is your wish.
Also note that this is a real STORY centering around love rather than sex, those mainly interested in long descriptions of copulation and such may want to look elsewhere.
SPECIAL DEDICATION: My love and sincerest gratitude goes out to Dwayne, Pointblue, Daniel, Caeru, Blue, Taryn, Leonard, Warp1, Ryan, Ratatosk, Michael, Odius, Squidsgerbil, Tamsyn, Maxy and Genesis, all of you listed in reverse order of appearance, just to be a bit different. *Grin!* Special thanks to Jalaki for approving my posts in a prompt and regular fashion, my close friend IOMfAtS for looking over my stories and hosting them on his incredible website and finally, Comicality for having created the Library forum. Visit it at http://www.voy.com/17262/, read a story and give an author some comments. We all love it, please come and share the fun!
Did he really? I mean, I wanted to say that it was super-sexy, mega-hot, ultra-yummy. That, and more... Brazil's butt was even nicer than that guy's had been. It was so full and rounded and the lack of tanlines drove me completely crazy just by thinking about it, and I was getting a boner all over again from him talking about his own perfect rump! "Uuuhh... It's... It's decent, I guess...", I muttered, feeling myself blush so bad I just couldn't believe my face didn't catch on fire.
"Are you serious?!", he yelled, sounding rather worried actually! "Don't you like it?" He poked it out in an even more exaggerated fashion and I was really getting turned on by his display.
"I'm just kidding man", I said. "It's a great ass!" Then I giggled, and he smiled back.
"Thanks...!" I could tell he meant it, and he kept smiling and looking at me... He rightened his body posture again clearly showing the discussion was over. Then he suddenly slung an arm around my waist and started to lead me off! It was confusing as hell, that I tell you.
We went into the park, me walking with his hand on my waist, him smiling at me, having no idea what he was doing to me. It was a nice, warm summer day. As far as Brazil was concerned, he was simply being with a close friend. That he was being rather close with a friend, that didn't seem to strike him. We sat down on a low stone wall in the middle of the park, Brazil scooting up right next to me. Within moments of getting settled, he grazed my leg lightly with the tip of his index finger, tracing a spiraling, swirling pattern across it. He seemed lost in reveries, while my heart was doing backflips in my chest at his every touch.
Why was he behaving like that? Especially so soon after having had that particular conversation... I had been thinking much about Brazil's rather odd behaviour. I think he had me figured out a long time ago, maybe from the very beginning even. It was as if he really wanted a girlfriend, but was too shy to actually try to approach someone. Maybe, on some level, he saw me as some kind of substitute... A person who wouldn't mind his wish for closeness and intimacy... Was that it?
Now the boy's hand was simply resting on my thigh, near the knee joint. I could see on the happy vacant look on Brazil's cute face he probably thought he had his hand on his own leg. I grinned back and he poked me in the ribs with his elbow quickly, then the hand returned to my leg. "Whaat?", he said teasingly.
"Nothing", I said and blushed a little, still grinning though. We sat like that for... Well, I don't know. A good long while, at least half an hour, while watching people walk by. Young and old. Some with kids, big and small. Some were fat, some were thin. Men and women, boy and girls.
I was stiff once more of course, my dick a clearly outlined elongated lump in my shorts. So what if he could see it, I didn't give a damn. I felt all jittery, it was so nice having him touch me. I wanted more of his touches, but I thought maybe he'd get withdrawn if I reminded him of what he was doing... Slowly, slowly his hand was rubbing my leg. It made the tiny hairs on my skin rise up. They were too thin to be felt, but I guess he noticed my goosebumpy skin because he turned to look down (and I knew he should be able to see my hard-on), and then he raised up his eyes to my face.
"You freezing in THIS weather, man?", he asked, sounding totally disbelieving!
I felt my face go all red again. "Uh... No. Not really", I mumbled. Then the words just jumped outta my mouth on their own, without me really wanting to speak them! "So, you like my leg huh?"
He kinda jerked and the hand he held on me twitched. I thought, this is it. Now he's freaking... He said he's not gay and I just made him aware he is holding a hand on my thigh. Dammit, I'm so stupid! Brazil looked up at me again, into my eyes even actually as he so often did. "Uh...", he started, just like I'd done. "Yeah, well... It's kinda muscled I think. I'd really like to have legs like that." His face seemed worried again, maybe he was thinking he was doing something wrong. Actually, I was constantly trying to understand just about any aspect of him, it was so difficult!
It worried me though, that I might have hurt my friend. I tried to smile soothingly, and then I remembered his hand was still on my leg, and as soon as the corners of my mouth started turning upwards, that hand did a little rub again and then the real smile came. "I'm no more muscled than you are, you silly-billy!", I told him with a grin, and suddenly I understood Brazil a little better. It was as if one of a hundred small pieces of a puzzle slid into place. He wasn't touching my leg because he thought I was hot. He did it because for some reason he thought I had nice muscles! He also knew, deep down, that I would not protest, and he had this need for human contact too and that part of him probably did think I was hot I suppose...
"Well I think you are!", he stated in a both honest and bold voice. "I'd like to get big and strong when I grow up. You know, like Arnold Schwarzenegger."
I giggled. "So how come I never see you do any kind of physical training, huh?"
He shrugged. "There's time for that later. I'm still young."
"Arnold started lifting weights when he was sixteen, dude. You better get cracking!"
"Yeah, but it's so much work, you know?"
I giggled again. "Most things are a lot of work! You can't get anywhere without putting some effort into it."
"Naah. That's so boring!" He grinned at me like an eight-year-old would do, so full of life and mischief.
I was suddenly cast in the role as the adult and pretended to be annoyed. "So how do you want it, huh? You can't have it both ways! That's not possible."
He still grinned at me in that childish, carefree manner. "I only said I'd LIKE to get big! Not that I'd actually DO it." Then he added in a more calm, grown-up manner, "Not all childhood dreams get fulfilled. Sometimes it's too much of a bother trying. Besides, could you ever imagine a muscle-man with great swelling arms and chest and legs named DORIAN?"
I almost lost it! I laughed so much, and it took me ages to calm down. "But now you're called Brazil instead. I think that's a great name for a guy with huge muscles."
He smiled. "It's just you who calls me that. Nobody else even know about it."
"Yeah, you're right... But you ride your bike a lot. Isn't that fun?", I said, still giggling.
"Sure it is, but that's not the same. Fun stuff isn't work. Only work is boring." He managed to say it with a completely straight face. I have to assume he was totally serious.
"So working out is boring huh?"
"Yeah. I did it with my dad a couple times. He was a firefighter, so he had to."
"Was a firefighter?" I was thinking, maybe he quit his job or something.
"Mm-hm. Was. A roof collapsed on him... He died."
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."
He shrugged. "Don't be. It happened over a year ago. I'm okay."
"So you live with your mom then?"
"No, she's dead too. Died when I was little."
"Oh no! How did that happen?"
"When she had me... I mean, gave birth to me, she bled a lot, so they gave her a transfusion. She got better, except the blood was infected with hepatitis, and after a while she got sick and died. Dad tried to sue the hospital, but he had no way of proving it was their fault, and they had a million dollar a month salary lawyer sitting there telling him he was welcome to go to court, and if he tried they'd gut him and pick his bones clean. Wouldn't it be much nicer to be able to afford to put me through college on his own salary, they said. If they'd spilled hot coffee on her instead we could have sued for a gazillion and won!" He laughed tiredly.
I wanted so bad to hug him, but it didn't feel like the right thing to do. I just spoke to him instead. "So where do you live now? Grandparents?"
"No, they all croaked too years and years ago. I live with my aunt... She ain't much fun. She don't like men so she never married. Don't like boys much either for that matter." He sighed. "But it's somewhere to live..."
"Oh man, I'm so sorry... I, I don't know what to say."
"It's OK, I didn't like my dad that much anyway. He always said I had been HER baby, and that he didn't know much about raising kids so I shouldn't expect too much of him either. He always worked so much, he'd tell me to look after the house and then slam the door and then he'd be gone. He slept at the station five nights a week and most of the time when he was home I was at school.
"Hey... My dad works a lot too. With the store and all, and stuff like that." True, he did, but it wasn't nearly the same. My dad loved me, I knew that... Not the same by a long shot.
"It was fun though when he took me to his gym to work out. Even though it was boring as hell, at least I was doing something with him, you know?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I understand...", I said slowly. Then we sat there for a while, not doing much of anything. Not even looking at each other, though I still felt his hand on my leg. It was squeezing me every now and then, as if to make certain I was still there, that I hadn't disappeared like all those other people in his life. Even his friends...
"I'm home alone all weekend", he said when we were sort of getting ready to start walking off towards dad's store. I was going to check in with him just to see if there was something he wanted me to buy. I tried to do the shopping whenever I could because I knew he was so busy with running his business and I had more time for such things than him. "My aunt says she doesn't like it to leave me alone, but it's only words", Brazil continued. "It's never stopped her so far." He hesitated, looking at me. "So I wonder... Could we sort of hang out this weekend? You could even sleep over if you'd like to!" He paused, looking at me, again with some worry in his eyes. "I mean, if you're not busy or anything?"
I was quick to respond. "No! I'm not busy." I laughed all of a sudden, because Brazil instantly lit up of happiness like that 8-year-old I'd seen in him not that long ago, and it was really awesome to witness. "You know, I've never been to a sleep-over before... I'm sure dad will be thrilled even though I suppose he wanted us to do something to make up for all the time we lost since we moved here."
"Aaaw, I wouldn't want to get in between you and your father. We can do this some other-"
"Brazil, shut up!", I told him firmly, and then HE giggled. "I want to do this with you! Dad will understand." I could see how happy hearing this made him, the hand that still held my thigh squeezed me good and then rubbed my skin firmly (making me go goosebumpy all over again), and then it went around my shoulders and pulled me in tight.
"It will be such fun! I PROMISE!", he said. "When can you show up?"
"Well, if you tell me where you live I can be there when you wake up if you like."
He grinned a really happy boy-grin at me. "GREAT!", he said and gave the address. "Come at ten if you can, okay? I'll be finished with my newspaper delivery round by then, and at eleven there's this really cool thing I want to show you!" It was almost a crime to get up that early on a Saturday I thought, but if Brazil wanted me to, I'd get up at three in the morning!
We talked and we walked, reaching my dad's store a little later. All the little details had been arranged. He told me not to forget swimming trunks either. Naomi came by as the two of us was doing the rounds looking for dad and joked if she needed to start stapling things to the shelves so they wouldn't somehow sprout legs and walk away, and I told her to get lost. Guess I sounded kinda angry because she just giggled in an infuriating manner and winked at me! I started asking myself what the hell she meant by that and then I realized Brazil was standing really close and holding his hand on my shoulder. He was doing stuff like that all the time and I guess I just didn't react much to it anymore. When I looked at him, he gave me a funny look back and a smile. He hadn't noticed a thing!
Sweet, bitter irony! Here I had Naomi thinking she'd insulted my boyfriend, and making matters worse, not only was Brazil NOT my boyfriend, she wasn't even being very apologetic about it herself, just teasing! She'd laughed her butt off if she knew the whole truth I'm sure. Grrr! Come to think of it, I had never explained to her I like boys, and she didn't seem surprised at all. Only made it even more annoying in a way, though even I couldn't help smiling about it on the inside...
We found my dad, and he was a little disappointed about not getting to spend the weekend with me like he'd hoped, but it quickly passed once he saw how excited I was about that sleep-over. He too knew I'd never done that before of course. Brazil said he needed to do some stuff for his aunt, and I knew we were both disappointed about having to say goodbye for the day.
"Hey... I really had fun today", he told me in a low voice. His hand was on my neck, making me lean in towards him. "I had more fun today than I've had in years."
"Yeah, me too", I mumbled. "But I'll see you tomorrow, right?"
He smiled. "Oh you better count on it! Don't be late, you hear?!"
I felt relieved. "Don't worry, I won't."
We said goodbye, and that was it. Dad said I'd better look at the homework first, but I didn't really have much of that. A book report was the most elaborate item on my list, but I'd read most of it already and I had until Wednesday the next week anyway. I'd do the write-up on Monday, there was plenty of time.
Dad took off from work early to surprise me. We went out for dinner at a pretty decent restaurant. Plank steak with oven-baked veggies along with béarnaise contained within walls of mashed potatoes (also oven-baked, yum!), really really yummy! After that, we went to a café and he had a latte, and I had hot cocoa with whipped cream on top (which started melting; delicious!). As we sat in a booth at the back near the windows, he wanted to know how I was feeling, about Ali and everything else. He said he was a little afraid he was becoming an absent father, and he didn't want that. It was getting a bit dark outside, and the café was done in muted colors, leather brown, stuff like that and with muted lighting, it was getting a bit dark inside too. We were sitting side by side on one of the couches facing either side of the table.
"It's been a couple weeks since Ali died...", he started.
He looked at me expectantly, seemingly wishing me to speak more. "And...? How do you feel about that? Are you handling it okay?" I squirmed, not really wanting to say anything, so he put a hand on my shoulder. "It's okay. You're my only son and I am your father, and I love you. You can talk to me about these things. I have to make sure you are okay!"
"I don't wanna talk about it...", I mumbled, looking down.
Dad's hand came and touched the tip of my chin, raising it up again. "Does it hurt too much?", he asked gently.
"Y-yess...", I stammered, my lip quivering.
"You can't keep it bottled up forever, child. That will just hurt even more..." He held me and I sniffled a little into his sweater, me feeling his dad-scent strongly due to him holding me so close. It was familiar and very comforting. I was wary about speaking about my innermost feelings though, particularly those regarding Brazil, so when dad asked about him I tried to dodge the issue.
"What about your new friend then?", he said quietly. Obviously inferring I was feeling something for him too.
"Yeah, what about him?", I returned in a neutral voice. Or tried to, anyway. It wasn't easy.
He looked me in the eye. "You know what I mean, Nathan."
"He's just a friend, dad", I said, and in my voice, in the look on my face and in my eyes he could see everything about Brazil. The way he acted around me, towards me. My feelings for him. His, for me.
Dad caressed a cheek of mine. "He seems a very good friend to have, my boy. I hope you will let him be that, and not try to pressure him into filling a pair of shoes he can't handle..."
"Dad, I know... I won't. I mean, he just does these things, he doesn't mean anything by it." My voice was filled with frustration and sadness. I told a little about my friend, how he didn't have a mother or a father, the accident when he was a kid, and the lack of real friends.
My father nodded as I explained more in gestures and looks how torn about him I felt. How much I liked him, even desired him, but how impossible it would be to have him... "I understand, son. I understand", dad said gently. He paused. "You will find someone that can be all these things for you, the things your friend cannot. In the meanwhile though, you should just accept him as a friend. You need it, and by the sound of it, he needs it too."
I nodded silently, and then I leaned up against him. He slipped his arms over my shoulders and I just rested like that and closed my eyes. I think I fell asleep almost at once.
I guess dad had another cappuccino or two as I slept sitting next to him, because when he shook me gently I noticed a bunch of cups sitting on the table in front of me. I was still pretty groggy as he lead me out to the car.
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