Robin, Chapter 10 - A break from the pain

by Two Flower

You are still there? That's a relief. I thought you'd gone mute on me for a second there. Annoying as you are, it is good to finally get this off my chest. Okok, I'll carry on. Please . . . just comment every now and then so I don't feel so alone. There's been too much of that in my life.

When I woke up, Robin was gone and it was dark. I had a horrified moment where I pictured my mother physically throwing him, kicking and screaming out of the house, but I realized that something like that might just have woken me. I must have slept for ages! Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I went in search of food. By a surprising stroke of luck, it was dinnertime; so I sat down to eat with the rest of the family.

"Robin left in quite a rush." Mom said pointedly. Matter of factually? Or was there, perhaps, a hint of worry?

"You didn't scare him, did you?" Yeah, ok, it was the wrong thing to say. But hey; after the day I'd had, I didn't need my mother terrorizing my boyfriend. I was lucky that she didn't get upset with my response (although, by gosh on some level she deserved it).

"No, he said something about needing to get home, and ran out of the house. Did something happen today that I should know about? Something that shouldn't have happened here?" She did NOT just imply that. I decided to give her a piece of my mind, but before I could explode, Beth plopped onto my lap, looked Lady Macbeth straight in the eyes, and said:

"No, mom. Joey and Robin took me to the park to play earlier, and some bullies tried to beat them up. I don't know why! They weren't doing anything to bother anyone . . ." My heart wrenched as I saw tears in her eyes. I hate that she was there when it happened. I hate that she is involved in all of this. Amazing how only then did my dear, loving mother notice the bruises on my neck.

"Oh Joey, are you alright? I'll take you to the doctor first thing in the morning . . ." Well, I suppose at least on some level she was still the mom that I spend most of my life growing up with.

"I'm fine mom. We managed to get away without any serious damage." I wanted to say that it's the price we pay for being gay, but I didn't want to hurt Beth. I didn't want her to lose her innocence at such a young age. Dinner was rather subdued after that. I'd forgotten my hunger, but I knew if I didn't eat then, I'd be starving later. After it was over, I decided to give Robin a call to make sure he was surviving. The phone rang and rang, and just before I was about to hang up, Jack answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jack. Can I chat to Robin, please?"

"What did you do to him today, dickweed? He got home, went to his room, and only came out to eat. He says everything's fine, but I know something's wrong." Well, that was a bad sign. Yeah, I know it's obvious that it wasn't good; I'm just illustrating my line of thinking ok? - call it artistic license.

"Jack, I didn't do anything." I was getting to the end of my tether, and I could feel the annoyance creeping into my voice. Everyone always assumed I was in the wrong. Why couldn't people just assume that it wasn't my fault once in a while? Would that be so hard? The only thing that kept me from either hanging up then and there, or snapping at Jack was the fact that Robin was upset. "A group of thugs tried to beat us up in the park today. We managed to get away, but it wasn't what you might call a happy experience." I was damned if I didn't put a hint of sarcasm in my voice.

"Shit, man. Sorry to hear that. The way Robin's acting, I thought you dumped him or something. Why do you think he's so upset?" Why indeed.

"Well, maybe it has something to do with the fact that every time we try to show affection in public, something bad happens!" Even in private, for that matter. "Maybe it's because he finds a boyfriend who won't hurt him, and the rest of the world pulls the whole 'fuck you!' move on him. Maybe he just wants to spend a time in his life where he doesn't have to worry, or be afraid, or upset." Silence. I wasn't sure if Jack was still there. Then I realized that I had been shouting. Too much pent up frustration. "Sorry Jack, this isn't your fault." Mom poked her head into the room in alarm, but I shooed her away.

"It's alright. I see where you're coming from." He sounded sad. I pictured his face looking up at mine, filled with the question 'why Robin? Of all the people on the planet, why does everything bad happen to Robin?' He sounded like he wanted to cry.

"Should I come over tomorrow?" Everything not said was implied. There were no extra bits of fluffy conversation here. It was just two people trying desperately to help a third.

"I think that would be a great idea. Lets make it a surprise for him. Can you get here by 8?" Freaking hell. 8 on a Sunday morning. But for Robin, I would do anything.

"I'll make a plan. Will it be ok with your parents?"

"I'll check with them when I'm done here. If you don't hear from me just now, it's fine."

"See you tomorrow then?"

"Sure. See you then." We were both too emotionally drained to do anything but the bare minimum in that conversation. I decided that I'd better check with my parents, so I headed to the living room where they were watching TV.

"Is it OK if I go round to Robin tomorrow? I think he needs me after what happened this afternoon." Because I was on an honesty crusade, I decided to keep no secrets. They would probably have figured it out anyway. Mom shot a warning glance at dad. That wasn't a good sign, but apparently I had nothing to fear.

"Sure son. I would have expected nothing less of you." Dad, you really are back. I ran up to him and gave him a hug. Being around him, I was beginning to feel that everything might just work out.

It was early, but I went up to bed anyway. If I were going to be at Rob's by 8, I would have to be up early. And I like my beauty sleep, damn it. I set my alarm for 6 to be safe, and tried to get to sleep. But sleep just would not come. It had something to do with sleeping in the afternoon, but that didn't make me feel any better then. I knew that I needed to get to sleep so that I could get up early, but since I wasn't sleeping I was worrying about not sleeping which made it harder to sleep, which prevented me from getting to sleep. Arrrrr!!! Tossing and turning I finally fell into a dreamless, restless slumber.

And was awakened by and angry 'beeeep!' from the alarm. A schmaltzy picture of Robin formed in my mind, so I jumped out of bed bleary eyed and got ready to go out. Everyone else was sleeping when I got to the door, so I left a note. They did say that I could go, so I went. I was actually running early, so I had the time to indulge in a leisurely walk there and think. The previous day's episode had got me thinking. I badly wanted to do something special for and with Robin. Something that would be exclusively ours. That, no matter what happened, would always be a thing that we would remember fondly, and would bring us close together again. The kind of thing you site by the fire on a cold winter's night and say: "hey, remember the time . . .". The concept was there, but the specifics were hazy. I wanted it to be something like spending a week on a desert island, just him and me. Yes, ok, that would never work - no need to crush my fantasy. Sheesh, I know I said you should comment, but you should also know when to shut your pie hole.

As I got close to his house, I stored my 'big surprise' idea at the back of mind for future reference. There were more pressing issues to deal with.

I got to the door and took a deep breath. Why was I so nervous? Throwing caution to the wind, I knocked on the door. Almost immediately someone started to unlock. Good sign or bad sign? There were eagles flapping around in my stomach. It was Jack. That probably meant it was a good thing.

"Um, hi Jack." I shuffled my feet, and looked purposefully at the floor. It's so much easier to be mad at someone over the phone. Funnily enough, he also looked nervous then - like I might just rip his head off again.

"Hey Joey - you wanna come in and not stand on the doorstep looking like a beggar?" I suddenly felt relaxed. We did rather need an icebreaker. I wasn't really in the mood for bad jokes though, so I laughed half-heartedly and walked in. "Parents are still sleeping, but they said it's fine for you to get here early. I thought it might be nice for Rob to wake up and have you right there." So that's why he got me out of bed at the crack of dawn! Not a bad idea.

"So is it fine if I go to his room now? I don't want your parents to think there is any monkey business . . .?" Well that got a giggle out of him.

"No, it's fine. I told them my plan. They think that it will work nicely. Go and get ready for him to wake up, lover boy." With that, he made a face at me. He really is a good buddy. On impulse, I hugged him. I half expected him to pull away, but he accepted, albeit a bit reluctantly. I headed up to Robin's room, and made myself comfortable in a chair by his bead. All the worry and stress was gone from his face while he slept. He looked almost happy. I felt tears coming to my eyes. The only time my lover could be happy was when he was not conscious. The idea for the big surprise came unexpectedly back into my head. I felt my determination burning inside. I will make it happen. And it will be the best time we have ever had together. But it needed to be something especially for Robin. My thoughts scattered as I saw him stir. I edged forward, putting my hand on his check and whispering:

"Morning sleepy head." Yeah, ok, you're right. Extremely lame. I'm no great poet, so give me a break. His eyes fluttered open, a surprised look crossing his face and finally he jumped out of bed and into my arms. In hindsight, it must have looked a bit silly, him trailing bedding and jumping semi-clad into my surprised arms.

"I don't know why you're here, but I'm so glad that you are. I missed you so much yesterday after I left." He nestled into my embrace like a frightened cat.

"Robin? What's wrong? Jack said that you were upset when you got home yesterday."

"I . . . hate that we have to hide who we are. I wish that we could just be the same as everyone else. I want to be able to hold you and kiss you in public without being scared that someone will want to hurt us for it." I could feel him breaking down to tears. What can one say to something like that? That was not the time for words anyway. I simply held him and tried to comfort him by saying meaningless words and just being there for him. I let him cry. After a while, the tears began to subside, and his body relaxed. Those were sad tears, but good tears. He had let go, for at least for then, the bad things that had happened to us.

I could also hear other people stirring in the house. "Rob, I think it's time to get dressed. I know it's boring, but would you like us to do homework together today?" Yeah, all right! This is my story, so if you think it's so lame, go and listen to someone else's. All right, then behave yourself.

"That would be great Joey." His sunshine smile peaked out at me, and for the first time that day I felt happy. He bustled about the room, waking up and getting dressed. We then went down and had breakfast. The rest of the day really wasn't anything special. I knew that he needed me around, so I stayed around. I left late afternoon after we had, miraculously, actually done the work we set out to do.

I lay in bed thinking that night. I was beginning to like this big surprise idea more and more. The summer holiday was coming up, so I wanted to have whatever I planned then. But the question was what. There were all sorts of things that Rob was into, but what specifically would make a wonderful personal gift? Reptiles - he liked reptiles. Get him a pet? No, bad idea. Lets see: he's really into movies. Movies and actors. He has posters of actors all over his bedroom wall. He'd been following someone's progress for a while. Became something of a devoted fan. But who was it? I'd seen the posters all over his room, but I couldn't place a name to the face. Why? Well, smartass, it's because it's some obscure recent actor. Oh yes, the kid who played Luscious in Gladiator. Since I had absolutely no idea what his name was, I decided to do my research online the next day. I didn't know where I was going with that idea, but it would have something to do with the planned adventure.

Monday. The devil's day. The worst day of the week, because you know the whole week lies ahead of you, and the weekend is just finished. I turned off the alarm and put my head under the pillow. I didn't want to get out of bed. But then, of course, mom came in. The walk to school sobered me up, because the air was a bit chilly. I caught up to Rob and Jack, we greeted and then Rob told me the news.

"I'm going to start learning the piano. It's something I've wanted to do for ages, but because of us having to leave and . . . all the stuff that happened before that, I never got round to it. Are you ok with that? Cause I won't start if you're not. . ." It all came out in quite a rush. He just kept talking. I wasn't altogether sure why my opinion mattered so much to him, but if it was something he wanted to do and it was something that would make him happy, I was all for it.

"Stop - hehe! If it's something you want to do, do it. I'm behind you all the way." His eyes glowed.

"My parents have found a teacher. I start lessons this evening. I'm so excited - can you picture me as a concert pianist?" He squatted down, and flailed around with his hands, causing Jack and me giggle hopelessly.

"Yeah, but not like that." Jack's contribution made me realize how close the three of us have become. We had a quick group hug and continued on to school. I couldn't get that damn surprise idea out of my head. The details were becoming clear, but I would need someone to help me make it work. Just then we saw Amy.

"Amy!" I ran over to her and give her a huge bear hug. That day, I was on top of the world. My boyfriend was happy, and I was planning something to make him happier. Monday blues were fading into the background.

"What's up with you today? You two have a good night last night, or something?" How can she look so innocent and have such a sharp tongue?

"Amy! Not that it's any of your business, but no. Can't a guy be happy once in a while just for the fun of it?" She didn't look convinced. But before she could follow it up, Jack pointed out:

"If we don't get going, we'll be late for assembly. You lot can horse around later." Chattering as only good friends can, we headed in for the morning brainwash. Why brainwash? Well, because it's so boring, our brains are washed clean of anything useful. Harhar, smarty pants. Maybe you should just shut up. It was easier to tell the story when you weren't playing the peanut gallery.

History was later in the day, so after assembly, Robin and I parted ways. That was my first chance to talk to Amy about my devious scheme. I filled her in quickly about the weekend's happenings, and broached the topic of the surprise.

"Do you think it's a good idea? I mean, will he think it's really lame or something?"

"Well, I, personally, would think it's totally lame, but I'm not Robin, I think he'll love it. He's just that kind of guy." The disdain was palpable. There still seemed to be no love lost between Amy and Robin. I hate that. I hate that they fight over me.

"Amy, please, please, please try to be nice to him. I know you and him don't get along so well, but do this for me, ok? I really want you two to try to be friends."

"Oh alright. I'll be civil. But he has to be polite as well." I suppose that that was the best I would manage to get from her. It's not often that Amy concedes anything.

"So how can I pull this off? I know he likes this guy, in a hopeless, besotted fanboy sort of way, but there's no way I can arrange a meeting. You need connection to do something like that, and I ain't got connections." It was beginning to dawn on me, then, after I'd stated what I wanted, that my plan might have been a teensy weensy little bit too complicated. I suppose that it's easier to entertain a possibility if you don't articulate it, since articulating it makes it somehow more real. I felt my euphoria evaporating, and said despondently, "It can't be done, can it?" Amy, however, looked thoughtful.

"Well, it just so happens that I might be able to help you there. If you promise to keep this a secret, I'll try to help you out."

"I'll promise anything to make this happen. I want to do the biggest, most stupendous thing for Robin this holiday, and I think this is it." Excitement flooded back into me. It was possible - yay!

"Talk to me in the lunch break. You'll have to make an excuse to get away, but I think it's definitely possible." Good old Amy. I liked her best like that. The hours to lunch managed somehow to pass, and I gobbled down the food, trying not to look suspicious. Amy ate slowly, probably just to annoy me. I told Rob and Jack that Amy and I needed to go work on a project in the library, and we left. There were so many possible problems with that excuse, but it passed the judges. Rob seemed to be coping with life at that point, which made me want to make my plan work all the more.

"Ok, how might you be able to help me - and my lips are sealed."

"Weeeeell, my dad has all sorts of connections in the movie business. If I can convince him to pull some strings, you might have yourself a mega surprise. You'll just have to find out what you can about this Luscious character because I sure as hell am not going to. I'll do what I can from there. Give me a call tonight if you want it arranged before summer break, since it's almost summer break."

"Thank you soooo much Amy. I owe you big time for this." Another bear hug.

That night I headed straight (har har - keep your trap shut) to imdb.com. His name is Spencer Treat (who on earth is called Treat? I mean, what on earth kind of a name is Treat?) Clark. Now, I'm not the kind of guy to worship celebrities. They're just really rich, really famous and really messed up normal people. So I don't see any reason so swoon about them. But if my surprise would give Robin joy, that would be my mission. Apparently this Treat character spends a lot of time in New York. Off to the phone, and I gave my newfound information to Amy. Excitement built with the possibility of actually making the plan work. I couldn't sleep again that night because of it. I'd be tired by the end of the week.

Two weeks till the holidays. That was all the time left. That rather vital piece of information only dawned on me as I got ready to go to school. To weeks and so much to organize. Well, there was nothing that I could really do until I knew what Amy had managed to accomplish the previous night, so there was no point in worrying about it. That didn't stop me worrying though. Amy was grinning ear to ear when Rob, Jack and I got to school, so there must have been something good. I tried to look nonchalant as we walked up to her.

"How was your piano lesson, Robin?" Holy cow, I forgot about that! I completely forgot to ask him, and now Amy does. If we hadn't just walked up to her, I would have said she was trying to show me up.

"Great. Mr. Spiegel is such a nice guy; I know I'll get along well with him. He was the world famous pianist at one stage, but then he was in a terrible car crash, which cost him the use of his right hand. The teaching is a way for him to stay in touch with the music, but I can see the pain in his eyes when he can't demonstrate something with his hand. By the way, Joey, I can't meet you after swimming today. I really gotta get home to practice. I'm so excited about playing the piano! Is it alright if you walk Jack home?" What a stroke of luck. I had a way to introduce a co-conspirator to my maniacal plan.

"Sure, fine with me." And with that, we all went about our business for the day. Amy managed to catch me between classes to fill me in on the progress so far:

"My dad got in touch with this director guy that he knows. This character is a good friend of a friend of a friend of this Spencer guy's mom's friend's aunt. To cut a long story short, they can't arrange a direct meeting, but someone along the line can get you invited to a party that he will be at. You'll have to work some voodoo to make it work from there, but I got you the opportunity." It was beginning to dawn on me that for all Amy's show of being the tough girl, she had a real soft spot for me. I had one for her as well, and I loved her so much at that moment for all that she had done.

"Wow, thank you so so much. How did your dad manage to arrange all that in one night, by the way?"

"Well, he had to call this guy anyway, so he mentioned this, and . . . well, never mind. Just be happy that it's arranged. You'll have to be in New York the first weekend of the Summer break - the party is on the Sunday evening. Get your skates on if you want to make this work." Bear hug for Amy.

"Thank you a million zillion trillion times. I'd offer to be your slave for life, but you might actually accept!"

"Well, just make the trip happen. Blondie needs something to cheer him up."

"Hoy! I'm blond as well."

The rest of the day passed in a haze of euphoria. I was actually on top of my swimming that day, which I haven't been ever since the trouble started. It was beginning to seem like everything might just be alright. As Jack and I started walking home, I filled him in on the plan so far, and I could see a grin tugging desperately at the edges of his mouth.

"You really are head over heals in love with him, aren't you? Well, since this is a completely selfless act for Robin, I'm in. Use me as you will - but not like that." The twinkle in his eye was back, and I tackle him to the ground. We wrestle around for a bit then carry on walking. Of all the guy friends I thought I had, Jack turned out to be the best. All the others treated me with caution at best after the gay-creature escapade, so I owe Jack so much.

We set the details of our plan in stone, and parted ways. I had things I needed to sort out with the parent beings if this is to happen. I sat them down, and explained everything. It felt somehow very clean and pure to be completely open with them, and to my utter astonishment, they were all for the plan. Even the until-recently-she-beast seemed to back me. Dad even offered to fund the trip - for both of us! Talk about a bonus. Tomorrow I would have plane tickets in hand and the invitation to the party from Amy. There was so much excitement bubbling up inside me. I wanted to literally jump for joy. Which in turn meant that I couldn't sleep - again. Just zip it for once. We're getting there.

The next two weeks passed in something of a stupor because of my recent lack of sleep, but I was injected with a bucket load of anticipation as the last day drew to a close. Everything was set. Bags were packed and the taxi should be waiting outside the Willaimson's house with all the luggage as we start to walk home. I'd confirmed with Jack that Robin knew nothing, but I knew he knew something was up. I'd been walking on air all day, but I was determined to keep everything a surprise, so as yet he knew nothing. He kept bugging us for details, but Jack, Amy and I were tight lipped.

We got to the Williamson's house, and a bewildered Robin had his parents say goodbye to him. I loved the whole atmosphere. He knew by now that it was something special for him, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out what. I loved watching him try to guess. By the time we got to New York, I was exhausted. I just couldn't sleep on the plane. As soon as we got to the hotel room, I flopped onto the bed and was asleep in seconds. It wasn't a great hotel, but I was going to take what I could get. Everyone had pulled together for me on this one, so I was just happy to be able to make it work.

When I woke up, Rob started with the questions, but I was vigilant in my efforts to keep him at bay. All I revealed was that it was happening in the evening, and that he'd have to dress up. We spent what was left of Saturday afternoon exploring the area of New York we were stationed in. It was a bit sleazy, but again, that was the luck of the draw I suppose.

We lazed around the hotel room for the most of Sunday, and got ready in good time late in the afternoon. I wanted that evening to be absolutely perfect, so I made sure that we both looked great. It was a black tie affair, so we looked as if we were going to a funeral, but I forced that thought out of my mind. No bad karma.

We climbed into the taxi, and I gave the destination. "Ok, spill the beans. What's the big surprise? Unless, of course, you got everyone to come to New York specially for a party for me." He laughed nervously. I love that he thought I might actually have done that - and I decided that one day I would actually do it. Nothing's too big for my Robin.

"You'll see. It's a surprise, remember." That got a grumble from him, and a grin from the taxi driver. If only she knew.

I was so nervous when we got to the party. I'd planned everything up till this point. Spencer didn't even know of our existence, so how was I going to pull anything off?

The possibility that the plan might not work dawned on me, but before I could think it through, we were swept past the guy checking invitations and into the party. And there Spencer was, on the other side of the room, chatting to a group of friends.