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Finding Nico

by c m

Chapter 2

I emerge from the changing room just as Jules comes out of the one next door. She's wearing a well-cut bikini which shows off her figure.

'Looking good, sis.'

'Why thank you, kind sir. Looking pretty good yourself.'

'How come there aren't any boys who think that?'

'Maybe you should give them an indication that you're interested.'

'That's what Jack said.'

'Jack? You told the receptionist you were gay?'

'It sort of…came out…accidentally…'

'Well, aren't you full of surprises. How come you told a perfect stranger? You've always been very careful about who you tell.'

'I know…that's what's so weird. I have no idea why I told him.'

'Well, if it's any consolation, I think it's really good. You shouldn't be so hung up on telling people. You've nothing to be ashamed of. And you're quite sexy…in your own way.'

'You think I'm sexy?'

'No!...I'm your sister. But my girlfriends all seem to think you're pretty cute.'

'I see. And I'm not ashamed of being gay, you know. Just… know, about telling people.'

'I know you're not ashamed…and actually, you're not really shy…just worried. And you don't need to be. Just be you. See what happens. Maybe there's someone here in the hotel…who knows?'

'Thanks, sis. And you're probably right. Maybe I'll try loosening up a bit.'

'Go Nico! Now come on, enough chat. Race you!'

We both run to the edge of the pool and dive in. I'm a decent swimmer, but Jules is class. Her technique more than makes up for my extra strength. She wins by a couple of feet.

'Beat you!'

'So what's new? But I reckon I'd win an underwater race.'

'You're on.'

We both take a couple of deep breaths and dive under. Here, my strength counts for a lot more, and as our underwater techniques are more or less evenly matched, I win.

'Hah! One all.'

Having satisfied our competitive urge, we both start to take in who else is in, and around, the pool. There are a couple of families with young children, an elderly couple sitting under a sunshade, and two boys about our age. One of them is Josh. He's sitting beside another boy who has quite close-cropped hair and Mediterranean type looks. Jules notices them.

'Totty alert!' she says.

'The one with the curls is called Josh.'

'How do you know?'

'Bumped into him – almost literally – in the changing room.'

'Hmm…not bad. Not bad at all. Who's the cute guy beside him?'

'Don't know…want to get introduced?'

'Why not?'

We hoist ourselves out of the pool and wander over to where Josh and his friend are sitting.

'Hope you don't mind if we introduce ourselves – well, reintroduce in our case,' I say, looking at Josh, 'I'm Nick and this is my twin sister Jules.'

The boys exchange a glance before they both stand up and shake hands with us.

'Hi, good to meet you – again,' says Josh with a smile. 'I'm Josh and this is my good friend Alex'.

Alex is good-looking in a clean-cut sort of way. He's wearing baggy shorts and has an earring in one ear. He can't take his eyes off Jules.

'How nice to meet you, Jules,' he says, 'and you too, Nick,' he adds, almost as an afterthought as he turns briefly towards me.

'Want to join us?' asks Josh.

'Great. Thanks,' I say.

I pull over a couple of loungers, put our towels over the cushions to stop them from getting wet, and sit down opposite them.

'So where are you from,' say Josh and I almost simultaneously.

This makes us all laugh.

'Nico and I live in Oxford,' says Jules.

'I live in Bristol,' says Josh, 'and Alex here lives in a village a few miles outside the city.'

'How do you know each other?' I ask.

'We're school friends. Have been since we were about eight.'

'First time staying here?' I ask.

'Yes…lovely isn't it?'

'What we've seen of it so far, for sure. Apart from the hotel facilities, is there much to do around here?'

'Not really. The beach is nice – there's a diving platform and a place where you can hire windsurfers and stuff if that's your thing. The local town is a short walk away, but there's not a lot there. Some nice shops, apparently, and places to eat – but the food is so good here that we always eat in. I've no idea if there's much night-life, that's not really our thing.'

He looks across at Alex who just nods.

'Are you here with your parents?' I ask.

'Yes…well, with my parents. They invited Alex along.'

'Which was very kind of them,' puts in Alex. 'My folks wouldn't be able to afford this sort of place.'

'Nor would ours a year ago.'

'Really? What changed?'

'Our Gran died. Left Dad her money'

'Oh, I'm sorry to hear that...well, about your grandmother passing. Guess every cloud and all that…'


'Umm…I was about to go and get some ice-creams…can I get you guys one too?' asks Josh.

I look at Jules. She nods enthusiastically.

'Is there a place here?'

'Just over the road outside. Proper Italian ice-cream. Loads of flavours.'

'That's very kind, but we didn't mean to interrupt your afternoon.'

'You're not. As I said, I was going to go for some anyway.'

'Then that would be great. Why don't I come and give you a hand…carrying four might be a bit tricky.'

'Great…what does everyone want?'

'Mixture of cherry and chocolate for me,' says Alex.

'Chocolate and vanilla for me,' says Jules.

'OK, see you in a few.'

Josh pulls on a pair of flip-flops – and I realise I've only got the shoes I was wearing down to the changing room.

'I need to get something on my feet,' I say.

'That's OK,' says Alex, 'borrow these…size 10 OK?'

'My size exactly.'

He throws a pair of yellow Crocs across. Josh grabs some money out of a belt thing and we make our way back through the hotel. I feel a curious sense of pleasure at being alone in his company. At the front door, we have to step aside as a lady in a wheelchair comes through the door. I'm briefly pressed back against Josh. His skin is silky-soft and warm against mine.

'Thank you, young man' says the lady as I hold the door open for her. Once she's inside, I step back beside Josh.

'Sorry, Josh, I didn't mean to crowd into you like that….'

'That's OK. Not much room with that wheelchair.'

We cross over the road and walk maybe a hundred yards up from the hotel. On the promenade running along the top of the beach are a number of small shops – including Aldo's Gelateria. There must be twenty flavours on offer. I settle for a mix of chocolate chip and strawberry, while Josh chooses blueberry and something called stracciatella. We take two of the generously-heaped ice-cream cones each and set out on our way back to the swimming pool.

'I expect Alex will be all over Jules by the time we get back, 'says Josh, 'he's always had a bit of a thing for blondes – and your sister's a cracker, if you don't mind my saying so.'

'She has her fair share of admirers, but I think she's quite high-maintenance.'

Josh laughs.

'And how about you? Blondes not your thing, then?' I ask.

'Blondes yes, girls no,' he says.

I can hardly believe it. I come to a dead halt.

'Sorry…is my being gay a problem?' asks Josh.

'No…no…absolutely not…not at all…amazing in fact. But you and Alex aren't….'

'God no!' Josh laughs. 'Alex is heterosexual – rampantly so. He's certainly not my boyfriend.'

'Ah, right. Umm…forgive my asking, but do you have a boyfriend?'

'Well, not exactly. No-one special. Much as I'd like to. Just haven't met the right guy, I guess. And how about you – a girlfriend, I mean. A good-looking boy like you must be festooned with girls.'

'Not exactly.'



'How come?'

This is it. I told Jack…why not Josh?

'Because I don't have a thing for girls either.'

A grin spreads slowly over his face.

'You're gay too? Well bugger me…if you'll pardon the expression.'

We both laugh.

'God…when I saw you with Jules I thought she must be your girlfriend and I thought 'dammit'. And by the time I found out she was your sister, I didn't think…anyway. Wow. But you must surely have a boyfriend?'

I shake my head.


'But how the hell not?'

'Until just now I've only been out to my family and two close friends. Doesn't make it easy to meet anyone. '

'Really? I'm the first…stranger…you've told?'

'Second…but the first was an accident…although, as it turns out, a happy accident.'

'Then I'm honoured. Umm…maybe we can…get to know each other a bit better this week?'

'I think I'd like that a lot, Josh.'


We just look at each other for a moment, then he becomes aware of a trickle down his arm.

'God…look at these ice-creams, we better get back – they're starting to melt.'

As we hurry back, I ask him something.

'Does Alex know you're gay?'

'Oh yes…first person I came out to maybe four years ago.' He starts to laugh. 'God…when I got back to him after bumping into you in the changing-room, I told him I'd seen this great-looking boy and then you emerged with this pretty girl and Alex said 'another hope dashed' and I just sighed. He won't believe this….'

When we get back to the swimming pool, Alex is now sitting beside Jules on the same lounger. Josh looks at me and grins.

'Told you so.'

'Told him what?' asks Alex.

'Never you mind. Here are the ice-creams. They've started to melt so get licking.'

The ice -creams turn out to be absolutely delicious – as good as I've ever had, even if they have dripped everywhere. Once we've finished, we're all a little sticky so I suggest a quick dip. This produces nods all round.

The pool is cooling and cleansing and we muck about for a few minutes. Alex and Jules are clearly getting on very well, and Josh and I have a mock fight that enables both of us to get our hands on each other's bodies – strictly above the waistline, but God he feels good. Eventually we break apart. I swim a couple of lengths on my own so that the arousal caused by my touching his flesh isn't all too obvious by the time we get out of the pool. I wonder if I've had the same effect on Josh.

I get out first and head for the changing room. I notice that Josh follows; the other two are still busy swimming. Once inside, I open my locker and remove my clothes from it. I'm just shucking off my swimmers when I'm aware of Josh coming in. I use the towel to dry my hair, leaving my body exposed. Might as well let him have a look. When I drop the towel to my waist, his eyes meet mine.

'Good body, Nico…is it OK if I call you that?'

'The only person who ever calls me Nico is Jules…but from you…yeah, I'd like that.'

'Good. Guess I better get changed too.'

He knows exactly what he's doing as he strips his swimmers off, with his back towards me, before going to the locker to get his things. He has a nice bum – and when he turns to come back, he makes no effort to cover himself. The front view is every bit as good as the rear.

'Good body, yourself,' I say.

We smile at each other.

Once we're both dressed – not that shorts, along with a t-shirt in his case and a polo shirt in mine, take long to put on – he says,

'Is your family eating in the hotel tonight?'


'Cool. Mine too. Maybe we could have a drink or something together afterwards? I'm really excited about getting to know you better.'

'Yeah…me too. Sure. See you later.'

We give each other a brief hug – just as Alex walks in.

'Whoa…hope I'm not interrupting?'

'Not at all, you know I hug all my friends,' says Josh, 'and Nick is definitely a new friend. And is Jules a new friend for you?'

'Deffo,' he says with a grin, 'your sister is something else, Nick.'

'Tell me about it,' I say, 'see you both later.'

'Will do – take care.'

As I walk back to my room, I'm floating on air. Might I really have found someone at last?

Back in my room, I take a shower. I not only need one to get rid of the chlorine, but I want to try out the various knobs and dials on the shower in my bathroom. Once I've worked them out, what I get is a powerful, hot and thoroughly enjoyable torrent of water. As I stand there reflecting on the afternoon's developments, I inevitably get an erection. Not only does Josh seem to be a thoroughly nice guy - and very good-looking - but he seems that he might just have the same sort of feelings for me as I do for him. And as I stroke myself to the explosive climax that I enjoy a minute or two later, it's his hand that I imagine is touching me.

Afterwards, I go and lie on the bed. I can't get him out of my mind – not that I try very hard – and I end up having to go back into the bathroom to wash off the remains of a second, equally enjoyable, if more delayed, climax.

I'm guessing – hoping actually – that Josh may be a bit more experienced in the matter of boyfriends than I am. Not just the sex thing – though I'd be lying if I said that I didn't hope that might be part of it at some point – but the protocols around how well do you have to know each other before you kiss or hold hands or…and then I realise I'm getting ahead of myself. We've agreed that we want to get to know each other better, and we've had a hug. Maybe that's all it will be. A friendship with another gay boy. Maybe that's all he wants. And if it is, that's fine. At least I'll have someone to talk to and share things with.

That will be fine…

Who am I kidding?

I've just masturbated twice thinking about him…imagining it was him. I know so little of these things. I know that he excites me – but I'll never forgive myself if I blow this by being too keen or too hasty. I look at the clock. It's almost half-past six. Where has the last hour gone? I put on something a little smarter for dinner. As I'm trying to bring some sort of order to my hair, there's a knock on the door. I open it and Jules is there.

'Can I come in?'


She goes over and sits on the sofa.

'Nico, can I ask you something?'


'It's a bit personal.'

'You can ask.'

'Did you know that Josh is gay?'

'Why do you ask?'

'I guess that answers the question.'

'What do you mean?'

'Well, if you didn't know, I think you 'd probably have said something different.'

'OK. Busted. You're too smart. How did you know?'

'Alex told me. But how did you find out?'

'Josh told me on the way back from getting the ice-creams. He was telling me that Alex had a thing for blondes – like you - and I asked him if he did as well. He said yes he did, but not for girls.'

'And did you tell him that you were gay too?'

'Yes. I told him…that I was the same...that I didn't have a thing for girls.'

'Wow…what's happened to my shy twin brother?'

'You're the one who said I wasn't shy, just scared. So I decided to see what happened if I was brave. Well, it wasn't that brave…I mean, I already knew he was gay.'

'Still sounds quite brave to me. So, are you and he going to be more than just friends?'

'Truth? I don't know - but I hope so. We've agreed that we'd like to get to know each other better.'

'COOL! He seems really nice, Nico.'

'I think so too. Did you tell Alex I was gay?'

'No, of course not. I wouldn't do that without your permission.'

'And have you got a bit of a thing for him like I do for Josh?'

'That's no question to ask a lady.'

'No, but I'm asking my twin sister who has just enquired into the details of my prospective love life.'

'OK. Fair dos. Yes, I like him.'

'And does he like you?'

'He gave me a goodbye kiss after swimming. Just a peck. But he asked if it was OK first. Has Josh kissed you?'

'Just a hug. Do you think you and Alex might end up…you know….?'

'NICO! Why, are you going to sleep with Josh?'

'I don't know. But I'd like to. If he wants to. There. That's the truth.'

She gets up, comes over, and kisses me.

'I love you, Nico. I hope everything works out for you.'

'Thanks, sis. For you too. Oh…and if the subject comes up, feel free to tell Alex I'm gay.'

Mum, Dad, Jules and I all meet up in the bar before dinner. My parents are pretty relaxed about Jules and me having a drink, and Dad orders me a vodka and tonic, while they and Jules all have a glass of white wine.

Dinner is every bit as good as Josh had suggested that it would be. There's a starter of crab and avocado, followed by either Dover sole or rump of lamb – I have the lamb – and then a choice of desserts including my favourite, Eton Mess. Dad orders a bottle of nice wine and the whole meal is a complete pleasure.

Josh's family are seated at a table on the other side of the restaurant, but we acknowledge each other's presence with a nod.

We opt to have coffee served in the lounge afterwards, and Josh and his parents follow us in some fifteen minutes later. Jules and I have told my parents over dinner that we'd met Josh and Alex earlier that afternoon by the pool.

'You must introduce us. And I'm delighted you've already made some friends,' my mother said.

The coffee is full-flavoured and delicious, but as I finish my cup I catch Josh's eye across the room. He beckons me to go over.

'Is it OK if I….?'

'Of course, love.'

Josh introduces me to his parents.

'Mum, Dad, this is Nicholas. He and his family arrived today. Alex and I got to chat with them beside the pool – when I say them, I mean Nico and his twin sister Jules.'

Nico; it sounds both strange and wonderful to hear that name come out of his mouth.

'Delighted to meet you, Nicholas. I'm Henry and this is my wife Tamara.'

'Good to meet you. And please, call me Nick.'

'Have a seat. Can we get you some more coffee?'

'Thank you but no. Any more and I won't sleep.'

Josh and Alex are sharing a two-seater sofa; Josh shuffles up to make room for me. We end up with our legs pressed firmly against one another.

'I'm delighted you've arrived;' says Henry,' I think these two have been bored out of their minds for the last week. Nice for them to have some similar-aged company for the rest of the holiday.'

'It was a really pleasant surprise for us too – we're looking forward to sharing one another's company,' I say.

'Good. Now, I was about to order a brandy, and these two were going to have one with me. Can I get you one too – if that's OK with your parents, of course?'

'I'm sure it will be fine with them…and thank you.'


In truth, I've never been much of a fan of brandy; I find it a little harsh – but whatever it is that Josh's father has ordered is not like that at all; it's smooth and round and tastes of caramel and nuts and vanilla.

'This is amazing,' I say

'Ah yes….my little indulgence. It's hard to beat a good XO…not cheap of course, but most things worth having aren't.'

'Well, thank you…thank you very much.'

'A pleasure.'

I see my parents and Jules get up from their table and come across to us. I do the introductions. There is the obligatory small talk between parents, then my father says,

'Nick, Jules - your mother and I are just off for a gentle stroll along the Prom. You're welcome to join us, but don't feel obliged.'

'Would you mind if I didn't?' I say.

'Not at all.'

'Actually, the idea of a stroll is rather appealing,' says Henry, looking at my parents, 'would you mind if we joined you and left these youngsters here to enjoy themselves without us?'

'We'd be delighted,' my mother says.

His parents get up, vacating the sofa they were on. Alex immediately moves onto it, and invites Jules to sit beside him. Josh – a little reluctantly, or so it seems to me – moves over, breaking the contact between us.

'If you'd like another drink, just order one,' says Henry as the four of them head out of the lounge.

We let them leave, then Josh says,

'OK…so what would everyone like?'

To be honest, I'm feeling the effects of my pre-dinner vodka, the wine and the brandy. But I am feeling a little thirsty.

'Half of lager for me.'

'Just a half?'

'Yeah…I've had quite a lot tonight already.'


'Espresso martini?'

'Good call. Me too. Alex?'

'Mmm…sounds good.'

Josh looks up and catches the barman's eye; he picks up a pad and comes over.

'Yes sir?'

'Three espresso martinis and a half of lager please.'

'Very good.'

The drinks arrive and we chat conversationally about this and that as we enjoy them. Josh and I keep exchanging glances. About half an hour later we see our parents return from their walk. My father pokes his head around the door of the lounge and sees that we are all still in there.

'We're off to bed,' he says, 'see you at breakfast in the morning.'

'OK, 'night Dad.'

'Actually, bed sounds like a good idea,' says Jules, 'I'm knackered.'

'Can I see you to your room?' says Alex

'How very gentlemanly.'

Josh and I exchange glances. We smile.

Once they've left, Josh says,

'Guess it's just you and me then.'

'Guess so.'

'Want another drink?'

'No thanks…I'm done for tonight.'

'Yeah, me too actually. Got any plans for tomorrow?'

'Not really. Maybe go to the beach, check out the diving platform.'

'Sounds like a plan. Maybe we could do that together?'

'That would be great.'

We smile at each other. It's as if we both have things we want to say to one another, but that we're a bit nervous about how and where to start. But one of the things I want to know is if Josh is as inexperienced as I am. I break the silence.

'Josh…can I ask you something?'

'Sure. Shoot.'

'Did you say you realised that you were gay at thirteen?'

'More or less. Might have been late twelves, but about then.'

'And had you…you know…done stuff with other boys before that?'

'Well, a bit of the usual fooling about. Alex and I had compared stiffies and touched each other – but whereas it excited something in me, for him it was a one-off. Just curiosity. Then – and I know it's a cliché – I stayed over with one of my cousins who was a bit older…maybe fourteen…and he was the first boy who I had a mutual orgasm with. But it made me certain I was gay. And my folks had always made it clear that they had no problem with that if that's what I turned out to be, so I told them. And you've told your parents, right?'

'Yes...a couple of years ago. But…and I know this must sound stupid…I'd never so much as touched another boy…I still haven't…but I was – I am - absolutely sure that I'm gay. Does that make any kind of sense?'

'Completely. Gay isn't about what you've done, it's about how you feel, what excites you, who attracts you, who you think about. And you've really done nothing with another boy?'

'No. Sad isn't it?'

I look at him. He shrugs. 'It's just how it is, Nico.'

'I suppose. Umm…is it OK to ask if you've had many boyfriends since you came out?'

'It's fine to ask. I've had four…experiences. I'm not sure any of them count as boyfriends, though. Three from school and one from the Rugby club. All around my age. All fun in their own way. But nothing serious or anything that lasted more than a few months. The first one only lasted for fifteen minutes, in fact!'

He laughs – and that makes me laugh too.

'And is it OK to ask if you…did you…go all the way with any of them?'

He smiles.

'No. I'm still very much a virgin in that sense. Still to be deflowered. But I'm in no rush. It will happen when it happens. It's more important that it's with the right boy than that it happens soon.'

He yawns. It's catching. I yawn too.

'Time for bed for both of us, I think. Which room are you in?' I ask.


'That must be close to me. I'm in 212. Does your room look out over the sea or the garden?'

'Garden, unfortunately. You?'

'The sea. Guess I got lucky.'

'Wow. Could I see?'

'See the sea?' I say with a grin.

'Yes!' he laughs. 'See the sea!'

'C'mon, I'll show you.'

We make our way upstairs, and his room turns out to be two down from mine on the other side of the corridor. I open the door to my room and usher him inside.

'Wow! Nice room, Nico. Bigger than the one Alex and I share. And look at the size of that bed!'

'I know…big enough for three I reckon.'

'Planning on a threesome, huh?'

'Don't be silly – I told you, I don't even have one, never mind two people to share it with.'

'No, but theoretically?'

'I suppose it is. But I've never even thought about a threesome…I'd be more than happy to be in the position of using it for a twosome.'

Josh grins, then walks over to the window.

'And you've got a balcony!'

'Yes, I know. It's great. Hold on.'

I open the doors and we both step outside. The air is still warm and although it's nearly 11 o'clock, the light from a crescent moon means it's not completely dark. The tide's out, but there's the faintest sound of the sea as the waves break along the length of the bay.

'God, it's beautiful, isn't it?' he says.

'Very. And so peaceful too.'

We're standing beside one another. I feel his fingers brush against the back of my hand. It's an invitation. I hesitate for a moment, then wrap my fingers round his.

He smiles.

'That feels nice,' he says.

'For me too.'

Our eyes meet.

'Let's not rush things, Nico. We've both had quite a lot to drink right now. I really like you. I know we've only just met, but I think maybe…there's something about you…'

'I feel the same.'

'Good. But right now I think we both need to go to bed.'


We step back inside and walk across to the door. He goes to open it, then turns round. He hesitates for a moment, then says,

'May I…kiss you?'

I can scarcely believe it. I wanted to kiss him on the balcony, but I didn't dare.

'Yes please, Josh.'

He leans in and I feel his lips on mine. They are soft and dry. He kisses me. My first kiss with another boy. I kiss him back. Then I feel his tongue flick over my lips. I let him inside. It's wonderful. He still tastes slightly of coffee. Our tongues meet and intertwine. I don't want it to end. Ever. But eventually, and reluctantly, and in need of air, we break the contact.

'Thank you, that was…amazing,' I say.

'For me too, Nico. See you in the morning.'

'Yes, indeed. Oh…one last question. Does Alex know I'm gay…have you told him?'

'Not yet.'

'Then do. I think it will make things easier for the rest of the week.'

'Yes. I will. Thank you.'

I give him a final hug and then he's gone.

My head is in a whirl. I've been kissed. He likes me. More than likes me. The week ahead suddenly feels full of promise.

I strip off and climb into bed. I only need a sheet to cover me. But first things first. I have a monstrously hard erection that needs dealing with. And it may be the third time today, but my climax is unbelievably intense. And no prizes for guessing who I'm thinking about as I erupt. And as I lie there, spattered with my seed, I make a decision. Being brave and coming out to Josh has turned out just fine. More than fine. It's time to stay brave. We don't have many days left together here. I'm pretty sure we both know what we want. This is no time for slow and steady.

Carpe diem.

Carpe Josh.

The thought makes me smile – and I'm asleep almost immediately.

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