© 2002 SunShine DayDreamers UnLimited
DISCLAIMER: This story contains descriptions of sexual encounters between minors that are homosexual in nature. If offended by such things or if you are not of legal age in the country where you live, then read no further. The characters and events depicted in this story are completely fictional and any resemblance to any real persons, places, or events is purely coincidental. This story may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the author.
For an eleven year old, my brother was an awesome football player. God I wish I could throw like that. I'd swear he can throw the ball better than I can and I'm fifteen. I stuck around after Cross Country practice to watch him play. I didn't want to go up into the stands. I'd seen my dad up there and there was no way I wanted to acknowledge his presence if I could get away without it.
I walked down behind the team and yelled out David's name as he came off the field after throwing a touchdown pass. I'd promised to be there and wanted to make sure he knew I'd kept my promise. He looked over and I flashed him a thumbs up. He smiled.
I noticed Kevin standing with Jim and Scott at the other end of the bleachers. I headed in that direction.
Scott and Jim had their backs turned and hadn't seen me approach. Both turned their heads as I walked up.
"So whatch hap'nin' dudes?"
Jim furrowed his eyebrows and sneered a little. Scott turned back towards Kevin.
"Not much Mike. You here to watch your brother?"
"Yeah, you shee that passh?" I made a passing motion. "And a pretty good catch by your little bro', Shcott."
"C'mon Jim, let's leave these two love birds alone." Scott took hold of Jim's elbow and they both turned and walked away.
"Damn, that was so cold I thought maybe Hell had frozen over." My eyes were on the two of them as they left.
"Maybe it has, buddy. They didn't take it too well when I told them you were ok."
"Fuck 'em then."
Kevin and I watched the game and chatted until it was over. Then he surprised me by offering me a ride back to my aunt's house. Kevin's birthday was just after the start of the school year. He'd already turned sixteen and had wasted no time in getting his license. I wouldn't turn sixteen until February. The fourteenth to be exact, St. Valentine's Day. It was fitting though. That had to be the gayest birthday anybody could have.
The next couple of weeks developed into a semi-comfortable routine. I'd started running again, but had lost my edge. I didn't make the roster for the next two meets. Even Joey had outrun me. That punctured lung was still not in shape to allow me to breathe. But it did seem to be getting better. The worst part, though, was looking at Chris. It had been bad enough seeing him sit across the cafeteria at lunch. He looked so lost and forlorn. I can't say that I was much better. I felt like crying every time I saw him. The locker room before practice was the worst. I had to change lockers to one on a different isle so I couldn't see him undressing. I just didn't think I could handle seeing him naked. I managed to avoid the showers by grabbing my gear and running home. Chris had been my ride so at least I had a legit excuse.
Joey was spending lunch with Chris and I didn't see him after school at all during the week. He'd stop by on Saturdays, usually to beg me to talk to Chris. I really wanted to, but I was letting my pride get the better of me. I kept insisting that Chris had to approach me first. I couldn't even remember why anymore.
Andrea never let up. Every day I spent lunch period and study hall with a hard on. Her teasing was relentless. Tonya had caught onto the game, too. She thought it was extremely funny that she could give the gay kid a hard on just by mentioning his dick to him.
Recob and I seemed to meet up outside the gym just before practice every day. We'd trade a few insults before Kirshner would come by and the two of them would head to the practice field.
Then on Friday I got some of the best and worst news of all. That morning I had gone to the doctor. It seemed that I was a very quick healer. He really liked the progress I was making with my lung, but was thoroughly impress by my jaw. One more week and if everything continued the way it was, I could get rid of these damned wires two weeks early. YEAH! The bad news, my father would be visiting after church on Sunday. Ugh!
"Hey ya Joey, c'mon in." I'd answered the door in response to an unexpected knock.
"Nothing much. Just watchin' the Buckeyesh flatten some bunch of pathetic nobodysh." If OSU wasn't playing Michigan or some non-conference team, the games usually weren't very interesting. Good 'ol Woody would have the game won and the second team playing by halftime. They didn't joke about the Big Ten being the Big Two and the little eight for nothing. "Wanna head downstairs?"
"Sure. Oh hey Cliff." Joey turned to my cousin as he entered the room.
"Hey Joey, how's it hangin'?"
"Long and lean, just like always." Joey giggled until he turned around to see my aunt standing in the doorway looking rather disgusted. "Oops, Sorry Mrs. Paul."
Maxine just shook her head whileJoey turned about as red as I'd seen him get.
We headed down to my room giggling the whole way.
"Whatcha been up to?" I asked as I flopped down on the sofa.
"I was just over talking to Chris." Joey threw himself into the chair across from me.
"You need to talk to him, Mike. He's really hurtin'."
"I told you, Joey, he'sh the one that ran. I'm not chashing him. If he wantsh to talk he can come to me." I wanted to talk to Chris real bad. I don't know why I was still insisting on him coming to me. Stupid pride I guess. I can be such an ass sometimes.
"God Mike, you know you want him back. Go get him."
I shook my head. "Yeah, I want him back, but doesh he want me? He doeshn't act like it."
"C'mon Mike, you gotta know Chris better than that. Of course he wants you. He just doesn't know what to do. He too scared to approach you. He thinks you hate him."
"Christ Joey, he can't believe that. You must have told him I want him back." I just looked a Joey in disbelief.
"Of course I have. But he won't believe me. He says you'd talk to him if you wanted to. He thinks you look at him funny, like you can't stand to look at him."
"Every time I look at him, I have to fight back tears. I feel all empty inside. I have to turn away before I start crying." It was true, all I had to do was catch sight of my beautiful boyfriend and my knees would go weak. I wanted him. I needed him real bad. I couldn't stand to look at him. I missed him too much.
Joey just shook his head. "I fuckin' swear. I think both of you have rocks in your head. You're stubborn as a pair of jackasses."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Joey was fucking right. But so was I.
"You know you're driving him fucking crazy. Three hours I was over there this afternoon. The tears never stopped. He loves you God Dammit! Go fucking talk to him. I can't stand to see either one of you anymore. You're both so goddamn depressing." Joey got up and headed out the back door.
I fell asleep on the sofa.
I had stopped going to church on Sundays when I moved out of my parents' house. Maxine didn't really like it, but I convinced her it was because I couldn't stand to see my parents and didn't want to cause a scene. That was only half true. The rest was how bad I felt whenever anyone mentioned God and homosexuality. I couldn't get over the words I'd heard from my mother and the preacher. How I would be condemned to Hell. It didn't seem like I was doing anything wrong, like I was sinning against God and nature, but I still couldn't help but feel that way.
Instead, I had gotten into the habit of sleeping in, then while everyone was gone, taking a good long time to jack off. It was the one time I knew I had the house to myself and wouldn't be interrupted.
But this morning I had slept too late. I don't know what had come over me lately, but I always seemed tired. I'd slept a couple hours after Joey left last night, then went to bed before midnight and hadn't woke up this morning until just before everyone was due to arrive home from church. Not that I really wanted to get up, but I figured it would be much less hassle if I at least showered before my dad arrived.
I quickly decided against jacking off. There just wasn't time. But like nearly every other decision I've made lately, it was a poor one. Feeling my hands rubbing all over my body while washing, and especially when I got to my genitals, well, it was more than I could take. I knew I needed to hurry, so I did. But God I hated doing it in the shower. I always felt like my dick needed one of those warning signs you see on bridges, "Slippery When Wet." The faster I tried to go, the more my hands slipped off the end. It was damn hard to concentrate that way.
Somehow I managed and got dressed in time to hear them all coming in the door upstairs. I figured I'd better go on up.
"Hello Michael." I had barely gotten around the corner and into the family room before my dad greeted me.
"Um, hi." I wasn't about to call him dad' and I had no idea what else to call him. The 'Mrs. Paul' thing had only provoked my mother. I didn't want to risk that with him. I wasn't looking for a fight, just to survive the encounter.
For some reason I felt like I should shake hands with him, but I couldn't remember ever having done that before. He didn't extend his hand to me, so I didn't extend mine to him either.
"I suppose you're wondering why I wanted to see you today?" It was more question than statement.
"Come on, boys." Maxine was instructing my cousins to follow her out of the room. "Let's give them a little privacy."
I looked over at my Uncle Jim. I did not want to be alone. Jim simply stayed while his wife and sons headed into the next room.
While they left, I stepped around my dad and backed away from him a little. I moved towards the front door, putting some space between us.
"It's time for you to come back home." He always did like to get straight to the business at hand. "Your mother thinks that it's where you belong."
I just stood there looking at him trying to control the anger building inside me. No way was this going to happen. He'd have to fucking drag me.
"What mother?" I regretted it as soon as the words left my lips. FUCK! Why couldn't I hold back? Why couldn't I just let it pass? Mike you are so FUCKING STUPID!
I could see his muscles tense as he took a step towards me. His eyes were cold and hard. The only other time I could remember seeing that look on his face was... the last time I saw him. He had hit me then.
I took a step back to brace myself. My fists clenched. I hadn't fought back last time. This time I would.
Uncle Jim stepped between us. "Hold on you two. There'll be none of this in MY house."
"Stay out of this, Jim. It's between me and him."
"Too late. Besides, this is my house. That means what I say goes." He put a hand to my dad's chest. Jim was not only the older brother, he was easily the bigger brother.
My dad stopped. "Don't worry Jim, I don't think the little pussy has it in him anyway. He's damn near out the door already."
"C'mon, you old mutherfucker! I'll show ya what I got in me. You might shtill be taller, but you ain't bigger. You ain't stronger. And I've kicked better asshes than yoursh." My fists were up and my jaw was clenched, but it had to be, it was still wired shut.
"Outside you disrespectful little faggot!" His face was turning red from anger.
"THAT"S IT! BOTH OF YOU! SIT DOWN BEFORE I KICK BOTH YOUR ASSES!" I'd never seen Uncle Jim mad before. It was rather scary.
It must have scared my dad too. He took a seat in the chair across the room. I sat on the sofa. That was about as far from him as I could get and still be in the same room.
"Now look. It's obvious that Mike ain't goin' home." Jim turned towards me. "But you, young man, ARE going to listen to what your father has to say and you are going to be respectful about it. GOT IT?"
"Yessir" I replied rather sheepishly while looking at the floor.
"Alright, then." Jim turned to my dad. "Now tell him what you came here to tell him."
My dad looked right at me and I stared right back at him.
"Your mother would like you to come home. She thinks it's where you belong and she wants you there."
"It'sh where I belong." The sarcasm in my voice was thick. "She wants me there." I took a breath. "I didn't hear an apology."
"She's got nothing to apologize for. It's you that owes the apology. Do you have any idea what this has done to her?"
"Done to her? I didn't walk out. You two kicked me out. I'm the one that had to find a new place to live. I'm the one that got thrown out of the family." God this was sweet. UnFUCKINGbelievable! I owe HER an apology! Fu-uck! "You two owe ME the apology. But I don't fucking care. 'Cause even if I get it, I ain't going back there." I turned and stepped towards the door.
"You WILL be back. Even if I have to drag your ass."
"You'll fucking die trying." I pulled the door shut behind me. It shut firmly but didn't slam.
"Hey, Kevin!" I caught my best buddy in the hallway just outside his locker. School had just let out and we had a few minutes before we'd have to head to the locker room to change for practice.
He spun on his heels. "Hey Mike. What's up?"
"Nothin' much. Just haven't seen you in a while."
"Yeah, I know. Just been busy. You know, football and all."
"Yeah, I know how it is." Despite having settled our differences, Kevin and I had not really seen much of each other. We hadn't spoken since my little brother's football game.
"Yeah, we ain't got all day."
I didn't even have to look to know that it was Scott and Jim.
They ignored my greeting. "You wanna see this or what?"
"Yeah, just a sec, I'm talking to Mike, ok?"
"Oh, I thought something smelled like shit around here."
"Fuck off, Jim. What the hell is with you two anyway?"
"I ain't hangin' with no fairies, Kevin. You comin' or what?" The sob was still ignoring me.
"Will you fuckin'talk to me. We been friends too long for this shit." Jim was really starting to get under my skin. I knew it was the two of them who were keeping Kev and I apart.
"I ain't friends with no fairy. And neither is Scott. Whatever we were, you're the one that fucked that up." He turned to Kevin, "you comin' with us or you sproutin' wings?"
"Yeah, man. I'll catch up to ya."
Scott and Jim walked away. Kevin was backing towards them.
"Sorry, man. I promised them." He started to leave.
He turned towards me while the other two continued to walk away.
"Are we still friends?" I had thought we were, but now I wasn't too sure.
"I still want to be, Mike. But we both know that we're fooling ourselves if we think it can be the way it used to be. If it was just the two of us... maybe."
I turned to walk away. In my heart I knew it was true.
I looked back towards him.
"I meant it when I said I still want to be friends."
I nodded and smiled, then kept on walking. Yeah, we'd still be friends. But we'd be the kind that says 'hi' and 'bye' in the same sentence. We'll pass each other in the hall, say a few words, remember old times, then turn and walk away. I sighed and watched my feet as I walked to the locker room.
"Hey Andrea. Wait up." Friday had finally arrived and school was out. I had waited all day for this. I couldn't let her get away.
"Yeah sure, Mike" She smiled as I approached.
"I wanted to catch you before you left. I got somethin' for ya." I pulled a thin notebook out of the books I was carrying under my arm.
"Hey, your mouth. It works!"
I couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, got the wiring undone this morning. Hurt like hell, but it's finally over."
"Well, it's looking good."
I was smiling as I handed the notebook to her.
"What's this?" She giggled a little as she said it.
"Just something I thought you'd like. Go ahead, open it."
She opened the cover and thumbed through the pages. "Poems?"
I chuckled a little. This was kind of embarrassing. Not many people knew that I wrote poetry. "Yeah, I wrote them. I thought you might..."
"For me!" She grabbed me and planted her lips on mine.
I let her kiss me for a second, then pulled away. God I could get used to that! No Mike, take a breath. Calm down.
"Oh God, Andrea. It's not... um... I just thought you'd enjoy them. That's all."
She laughed even though she must have been hurt just a little. "Oh. It's not like a ring substitute, is it?"
I smiled. "Just friends, ok?"
"This is the second time you've broken my heart, you know."
"You know what they say, don't you?" I was grinning from ear to ear.
"What?" She was grinning too.
"Third time's a charm." I turned and practically ran down the hall.
I knew she like poetry. I'd seen her carrying a couple books of the stuff. I hoped she'd enjoy them. This was a collection of some of my best stuff. I'd even written a couple just for her. But I hadn't intended for her to think I was proposing or anything. I just want to show her how much I appreciated our friendship. I hope she understands.
I had just spent the whole weekend with Joey and he had totally blown my mind. I tried to put it in order as I headed across Branyan's farm on my way home. The poor little guy had really had it hard. He'd pretty much told me his whole life story. It was no wonder he'd tried suicide a couple of times. And what they did to him after... Well If I ever get that bad, I just have to make damn sure I do it right. I was really glad he didn't succeed. Joey was about the best friend a guy could have. It would be so easy to fall in love with him. So easy.
Forget it Mike. You've got Chris. Well, sort of. You know you still love him.
"But what am I gonna do about him? I want him back so much. I don't think I can survive any longer without him."
It's these times, when I'm alone. I feel so empty when he isn't here. It's like there's no future.
It used to be tough when we were together, then he'd go home and I'd be left alone. It hurt to be away from him. But at least then, there was always a tomorrow. There was always the hope of another great day.
"But not anymore."
I was crying by the time I walked through the basement door. I just needed some sleep.
"Mike! Hey Mike!"
I was standing in the school lunch line and looked up to see Joey headed my way. I smiled.
"What's happenin', Joey?"
"Oh God, Mike. Did you hear?" The little guy was just about out of breath.
"It's Chris. He's been in an accident."
"Oh shit, is he ok?" FUCK! Please don't let him be hurt.
"I think so."
Oh thank you God. "So what happened?"
"It was while he was at his grandma's this weekend. He lost control of his car and went over a cliff."
"Holy shit! You're sure he's ok?"
"It's what his mom said. Barely even a scratch."
"You're sure!" I had put my hands on Joey's shoulders and was looking him straight in the eyes.
"That's what his mom said." Joey still looked a bit worried.
"Fuck!" Well at least he wasn't hurt. I was breathing a little easier.
"Yeah, not last week either."
"What?" What did he mean last week? "Joey, what else is there?"
"His mom said he got into an accident last Thursday night on his way home from practice."
"You mean another one?"
"Yeah. She said he made a left turn in front of a guy. The guy saw it coming, though and slammed on his brakes. Chris just got a little dent in the driver's door. The other guy didn't even get a scratch on his bumper."
"Fuckin' A, man."
"I'm really getting' worried about him, though. This whole thing is getting to him, Mike. You gotta go talk to him."
I took a deep breath. "Maybe you're right, Joey. Maybe you're right."
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