Have you ever awoke to a 4 year old lying flat on your chest and belly, quietly jabbering away minding his own business, with his arms around your neck, his head nuzzled into your neck, and his little fingers toying with your hair?
I opened my eyes then brought my arms up and around this little boy named Kevin who was stealing my heart and soul. I then ran my thumb up his spine. He started giggling then raised his head up, looked into my eyes as he kissed my chin then my cheek then my forehead and then my lips.
Giggling, "Joey – you're poking me!" He started wiggling and squirming… he thought that was hella funny… I was moaning and groaning, not because I was about to pop a nut rather I had to pee… and I had to pee badly. I felt myself dribble.
With a mighty heave ho I squeezed Kevin in my arms then got out of bed with him clinging tightly to me. With extreme urgency I headed us to the bathroom then without even shutting the door I dropped my underwear, no, I about ripped them off and sat down on the stool where I blew a large gush of air then everlasting relief flooded my brain as my bladder began emptying… I would have sworn that the relief I was feeling compared to sex… well not quite…
Kevin kept hurrying me up saying repeatedly, "Joey, I gotta go, hurry."
"Hold still, I'm about done… okay… okay… get down, I'm finished but I have to get up first."
Kevin climbed down, grabbed my finger and pulled. I made a big production and playfully exaggerated his pull on my finger… he paid no attention. He yanked his underwear down, half-assed pointed his little guy in the direction of the stool then let loose. He was hitting the floor… I turned him around, lifted him up enough so that he could point it down so that he could take care of business.
Meanwhile, I was standing there with my underwear down around my ankles, a killer hard, holding a little boy with an equally distended prong, peeing a healthy stream to his little hearts' content.
When he finished, he reached for his underwear, pulled them up and then turned around to face me. His eyes riveted on my dick standing out at rigid attention. He giggled when I pulled my own underwear up… but they didn't hide much through that thin cloth. He was totally intrigued.
Not really wanting him to thoroughly analyze a bigger boy's morning wood, I grabbed him up then carried him back to our bedroom.
Skeeter was wide awake but lazily lying there in his bed all comfy and shit. The first thing that caught my attention was how his own bone was tenting up the thin sheet lying across his body. He had an impish sleepy smile on his face. He bounded out of bed, gave Kevin a quick kiss on his cheek then gave me a quick little kiss on the lips then ran to the bathroom after saying, "I'll be right back."
I put Kevin down, reached into my bag for a clean and dry pair of underwear, turned away then quickly shed my wet ones and replaced them with dry ones, rearranging my bone so that it wasn't sticking straight out threatening to tear the thin fabric.
Skeeter arrived back. He said to Kevin, "Go squirt, mom's fixing breakfast. See you in a little while."
"Otay." He replied then grabbed my legs for a hug. In the process, his head hit my dick and pushed it sideways into my thigh. I groaned. He giggled then ran out of our bedroom.
Skeeter and I both giggled then Skeeter closed the door, drew me into a hug… belly to belly, chest to chest, hips to hips, and dicks to dicks.
Quickly, I pulled Skeeter's underwear down. He kicked them aside then did the same for me. Playfully, I pushed him onto the bed then arranged myself so that we would be in a 69 position. I immediately gobbled his length and began giving his maleness 'exercise'.
Skeeter is a quick study. Soon he had about half my cock firmly in his mouth while his hand grabbed hold and began jacking me in earnest.
Soon, we reached the moment of no return and then provided our mate with protein offerings. I held his in my mouth then quickly turned around. Skeeter had grabbed the towel we had used the previous night and spit my sperms into it. I swallowed his offering down then lied beside him. We immediately kissed tenderly and hugged gently.
"Let's go get some breakfast, lover boy." Skeeter said as his tummy was continuously rumbling. Mine was too.
After putting our underwear on, I reached for my jeans and put them on as well while Skeeter was waiting for me at the door. When I had my jeans up, he opened the door and we went down to breakfast.
Kevin had about half his pancakes across his face. I grabbed a towel and wiped him as clean as I could, but it wasn't all that great because of the sticky maple syrup. He also gave me a dirty look… I giggled. Vera came with a wet kitchen towel and then wiped his face properly. With his sticky hands he reached up, innocently, and pulled Vera down and kissed her lips.
Unable to stop myself, I giggled when she stood up. Needless to say, her hair had sticky contrails from her son's loving, but she didn't say anything nor did she have any anger in her expressions.
When she had Skeeter and I dished up she said, "Joey, we're going to be leaving at about 3:00 for the airport in Wichita. Gather up your dirty clothes. I'll wash them up while you two goof off. Be back here at about 2 so you can take a shower and get ready to go."
"Yes ma'am. You really don't have to… I'm sorry. I'll get them right now." I said apologetically.
"Eat your breakfast while it's still hot. There's plenty of time." Vera said.
When we were finished eating, I ran upstairs to Skeeter's bedroom, retrieved my dirty clothes – except the ones with stiff dried cum which I stuck deep in the bag.
I was on my way downstairs and met Skeeter on his way upstairs. He said, "I'll be right back."
I went on downstairs then took my clothes into the laundry room where Vera was busily putting in a load of whites. She allowed me to drop in my own whites then she shut the lid and started it up.
Meanwhile, Skeeter appeared at the door. Ceremoniously, he was holding 3 pairs of my underwear by the tips of his fingers then said, "You forgot something didn't you?" Then he tossed them at me. I caught them… I thought I'd spontaneously combust right there on the spot. Vera had a look of consternation on her face but opened the lid to the washing machine. I tossed them in and took off after Skeeter. He couldn't get away with doing that to me.
He ran in the barn and took the first step up the ladder to the loft but I caught him and pulled on the back of his jeans and underwear. We both tumbled to the ground then I got on top of him, straddling his legs and threatened him with a luggie then began tickling him without mercy until he threatened to pee his and my pants.
I helped him up then dusted him off, paying extra attention to his fine ass and front size. I grabbed hold of his dick, squeezed several times until he became super erect. I then let go and took off out of the barn. He said loudly, "I'll get you for that, asshole!"
The chase was on. I ran to the far pond then sat down on the bank. He soon caught up then after stuffing a wad of grass, straw, and who knows what else down the back of my shirt he sat down, and grinning, said, "I love you, asshole!"
"You love my asshole, eh?"
"Well, yeah, I love that too… but I like this asshole better." He then ran his hands down from the top of my head down to the tip of my toes.
I gave him a good nuggie then pulled him into my arms. We kissed sweetly after looking around to make sure nobody was spying on us. We tongue wrestled, searched out tonsilar tissues, caressed teeth, and did some serious feeling up.
After carefully looking around then not seeing anyone, I unzipped his jeans, fished out his cock and sucked him to completion. After regaining his composure, he leaned into my side while his opposite hand found my zipper… but instead of unzipping it he grabbed my raging hot tool and began jacking in earnest. My moment of no return was quickly approaching so I reached down, unzipped, whipped it out and then exploded all over my shirt and the top of my jeans.
Skeeter, meanwhile, thought that was the funniest thing that ever happened. He was giggling and laughing uncontrollably.
"Very, very, very funny!" I said sarcastically as I started wiping up my splooge and sucking it down.
Skeeter looked at me working feverishly then when I put my equipment back in its confines, he said wonderingly, "You like cum don't you Joey?"
"Yip, I do… I love yours the best though." I said sincerely, meaningfully.
"Joey, I love you. What's going to happen to us…? I mean we live so far apart… are you going to find someone…" Skeeter said, putting his head between his knees.
"Skeeter, listen to me."
Skeeter looked up and into my eyes. Our souls touched. I kissed him then said, "Skeeter, you ARE the only person who's touched my soul as a mate and as a lover." I giggled, "We could have phone sex every night…"
"Is sex the ONLY thing you have on your mind?" Skeeter asked perturbed.
"Yes." I replied.
"Me too, shit. Joey?"
"Yes my love."
"All we can do is jack off… no sex with anybody else, okay?" Skeeter said seriously.
"I don't want to have sex with anyone else. You and I have more than 'just sex'… granted, we make good music together… the best… but we have more than just that. I promise. I want to put you at ease, Skeeter. I like sex. I like lots of sex… but with you we make love." I replied tenderly.
"Okay, me too. Can you come back real soon?"
"I've thought of that… why don't you come to my house… you'll like my parents… they're pretty kewl."
"I'll have to see. We don't have much money. I don't know how they do it… I don't know how they feed all of us with yummy stuff. I'm really blessed here, Joey."
"Yeah, you are. I like it here. I like it a lot. We'll work something out."
"Yeah, okay. You're right. I guess I worry too much. Come on, let's go up to the barn and fuck off."
That said, Skeeter got up, gave me one hell of a nuggie then took off. He looked like a deer. I noticed that he was filling out, gaining weight – but not too much – he looked healthy.
He stopped then turned around. When he saw that I hadn't yet moved, he flipped me the bird and took off again.
I giggled heartily, got up then took off after him. Nobody flips me the birdie, especially him… ha haa… he was in for a treat!
When I arrived at the barn, out of breath, Skeeter peeked over the loft edge and smiled. After he saw it was me, he then stood up… he was totally and completely – naked. He then grabbed his dick. When he was sure that I saw it (how could I help not seeing it!), he disappeared.
When I arrived up on the platform, Skeeter was lying on his back with his legs up in the air. He had his finger deep in his chute. He also had this inviting look on his face… like he wasn't going to be denied. I would not deny him, I couldn't.
"Hey lover, fuck me." He said seductively.
I replied, "Skeeter, I'll never fuck you… but I'll damn sure make love to you."
My clothes were lying on the floor in no time flat. My dick was waiving wildly in the chilly air, my balls were up tight, and I began panting…
I lied on top of Skeeter and pushed his legs down. I wanted to make love. Instinct took over. We kissed feverishly, demanding of each others' tongues… until we were so hot we couldn't stand it any longer.
Skeeter reached into his jeans, retrieved a packet of something – I looked at the package, it was personal lubricant. I tore off an edge of the packet then squeezed it on my dick and made sure I was coated really well.
"Are you sure you want me inside of you?"
His only response, not verbal mind you, consisted of him drawing his legs up my back then pulled me down to him. With a free hand he aimed my dick right at his back door then adjusted himself so that we were aligned perfectly.
"Tell me to quit if it becomes too much. It hurts at first…"
Paying no heed to my advice or warning, he took hold of my buns then pushed the head of my cock up against his back door. He then rearranged his legs so that they rested on my shoulders, "Push. Put it in me, Joey."
Over the next few minutes, we worked the head of my prong past his sphincters. When he'd tense up or his face would register pain, I'd back out a little bit. When he'd open his eyes with an inviting look in them, I'd go a little further.
Finally, after drawing in a deep breath he pushed down hard. I then entered him completely. My pubes were against his soft yet strong butt cheeks. I gasped when he took hold of my hips again and smashed mine against his. I just about lost my reserve right then and there. He sensed my impending explosion. He took his hands off my hips then pulled me down where we kissed tenderly – yet we kissed like lovers, soaking in our profound connections of mind, spirit and yes, our bodies.
With my ardor under control, I began slowly going in and out of his white hot virgin-to-me love tunnel. Instead of any indication of pain or discomfort, Skeeter began gently swaying to my motions. When I opened my eyes, he was already looking at me then he said, "You look so beautiful when you're making love to me… your face looks so gentle, calm and serene… let me try something, stop."
He then scrunched his face up, pushed down like he was taking a monster crap… then squeezed as hard as he could against my throbbing member. I thought I was going to faint, but, instead of fainting I pushed my cock inside of him urgently and completely.
The moment of no return was beginning… my last conscious thought before going over the edge… I pulled my dick out of his tunnel then wildly grabbed my cock as a glob of cum oozed out… I was frantic for release… after two jacks I sprayed him with my nectar offering. The second shot hit him in the face, the third, stronger than the first and second splashed into his hair.
Skeeter was wild with need to release. He grabbed his dick with both hands then wildly jacked until he too sprayed his hair and face with his own offerings.
Still very hard, I inserted my dick back into his tunnel of love and experienced major aftershocks.
When our motions calmed down to an occasional thrust in and out, we both heard a grunt… and it wasn't coming from either of us… quickly I looked around, Skeeter raised his head up as far as he could… Luke was standing next to the ladder on the platform. His pants were around his ankles. A strand of white jizz was seen hanging from the end of his cock. He still had his hand wrapped around his dick, and he had the deer in the headlights look on his face.
I looked at Skeeter, he looked at me… we both, at the same time, shrugged our shoulders. Skeeter said, "Luke you really need to give people their privacy. We're busted so why don't you come lay down with us? It's okay. We're not mad at you, are we Joey?"
"No, not really." I said then removed my cock from his orifice, lied down then pulled the sheet over us. When I was settled in, I said, "No way, but yeah, please respect people's privacy. You probably didn't know. No big deal this time, okay… nobody's pissed. Come over here away from the ledge, okay Luke?" I said reassuringly.
Skeeter, knowing Luke better than I did, said, "Luke, let's talk about this. This could very well be a turning point… for the better… if we talk you might be able to better understand things that are going on inside of you."
Then I saw it. In his pants, down around his ankles, I saw the silhouette of a gun in the right front pocket. Although shook up, I kept my cool, however I did get up and start heading toward Luke. My main focus was on getting him off the ladder and onto the platform. So long as he didn't make a move for the gun he'd be safe. When I arrived just past arms' length I held my hand out toward him. Skeeter joined me after haphazardly putting on his underwear.
"Luke, come on. Everything's okay. Joey was making love to me. He didn't hurt me. He went really, really, really slow, and he didn't do what you and I both hate."
"It's happened to me too, Luke. I was raped. I'm okay now. You're okay too. You're safe. I have no doubt that your dad will permanently hurt anyone who hurts, or even anybody who tries to hurt you. Come on Luke, get off of that ladder."
Luke pulled his pants up to his knees. I was watching him very, very closely but he didn't reach down inside of his pants. Both Skeeter and I went over, took his hands and brought him onto the platform. When we had him far enough away, I quickly reached into his pants pocket, grabbed the gun then tossed it across the loft to the top of a hay bale, clearly out of reach.
Luke looked at me carefully. Skeeter took a deep breath in and then exhaled loudly. I turned to him; his color had turned white as if he'd seen a ghost. He put his hand in mine, squeezed then put his other hand in Luke's. We led Luke to the bed then sat down with him between us.
"He hurt you. I saw the pain on your face." Luke said haltingly.
"No he didn't hurt me. He made me feel very, very good. Luke, my dad raped me too. He was mean, rough and didn't stop when I told him to. Joey was gentle… I don't know how much you saw of me and Joey… but trust me, he didn't hurt me."
"I saw everything. You're telling the truth. If he would have hurt you then I would have killed him…"
I put my hand on Luke's chin and turned him to face me, "Luke, I've been raped twice. Both men died. I killed one of them, and my friends killed the other. I understand where you're coming from. Tell me what happened to you."
"He put his thing in me. I screamed for him to stop. He didn't. He kept hurting me over and over again… he wouldn't stop…" Luke said then he broke down hysterically. I pulled him into my arms and let him express his pain in any way that he needed to. Thankfully he didn't get violent or anything because I don't think I could have taken him on… he was strong. Although he was not that big in size, he was tough as an ox.
Skeeter asked me quietly, "Do you want me to get dad?"
I shook my head no then whispered in his ear, "We're not in any danger. He's letting it all out now. I think he's going to be okay. Let's just give him some time. Let's not break this moment, okay?"
Skeeter nodded then sat back down after removing his underwear and laying them at his side. I smiled then reached over and tweaked his semi-flaccid maleness. He reached over. We kissed briefly.
After about an hour, Luke's emotional distress waned to a more manageable level (for him under the circumstances). He'd occasionally sniffle, grimace up his face then he'd relax deep into my arms. When I thought my arm would break off from his weight, he got up, walked to the loft door then pointed his dick out and began streaming pent up urine from his bladder. Skeeter looked at me, I looked at him then together we got up, and joined Luke.
When we were finished, we gathered up our clothes and put them on. Before leaving, I turned to Luke, "Luke, not everybody is like your dad and Skeeter's dad. Most dads are good. Even my dad, despite him being a dope dealer, was a good man. He got killed in a drug deal went bad… that made me mad inside. I took that being mad out on other people, Luke. I hurt and shit on a lot of people. Skeeter knows very little of what I actually did. We protected him and my brother. We kept them out of that shit."
"Yeah, thanks Joey. But I knew you were mean and mad on the inside. But now I know why. Luke, I love Joey. He's a good person. He'd never intentionally hurt me. And he didn't hurt me today. You've got to believe me."
"I know he didn't hurt you. I saw you guys… well you saw what I did to myself… I gave into temptation." Luke said ashamedly.
"What do you mean by temptation, Luke? Do you mean making your spermies come out of your dick?" I asked sincerely.
"Yes. It's wrong."
"Luke, have you had wet dreams? You know when your spermies come out in your underwear while you're asleep?"
"Yes. Sometimes, I give in and hurt myself by spraying my spermies all over the place. I've tried to control where it goes… but well, you know… I even try to stop it from coming out…"
I chuckled, "Hey bud, we're sperm machines. The only time masturbating, jacking off, choking the chicken or whatever other word you want to use, is wrong is when you force yourself on somebody, or they force their selves on you. I don't think anybody's died from jacking off. Remember this: your body is making spermies; your body will eject them whether or not you want them to or not, so you might as well enjoy the experiences. Those experiences are normal and natural."
"Dad will get mad…" Luke said sheepishly.
"No way. Just don't do it to anyone who doesn't want to do it… and don't do it to the younger kids, and don't do it in front of them… they have to find their own way, okay?"
"Okay, I can talk now. I don't feel guilty, do you?" Luke said to me. He was boring a hole deep into my soul with his eyes like I'd never been penetrated before.
Nobody had ever confronted me like that before. Initially, he pissed me off then Skeeter, seeing my building anger, spoke up, "Joey, I think maybe he's got a point… think about it."
They were both staring at me, waiting for me to say something… but I couldn't come up with anything to say. I thought about what mom and dad had said, Nathan had said it too… Nathan said I had had no choice. It was either kill Christopher or be killed, or have Nathan killed, or have Wayne killed… perhaps all of us. Christopher had gone absolutely berserk … I had absolutely no choice but to do what I did. I had to do it. Nathan's alive. So's Wayne.
With tears in my eyes, I leaned over and meaningfully kissed Skeete's lips three times then said, "I love you. You're right."
"No, Luke said it all. You two have a lot in common. You guys talk… I've got to… uhm, I'm going to the bathroom… see ya." Skeeter said, kissed me then headed to the ladder but before he got there I grabbed his clothes and said, "Hey, Skeeter… uh… you might want to put these on… can't have cockleburs sticking on ya."
Skeeter turned around then after seeing his clothes in my hand, he walked back over, grabbed them from my hand coldly. He went toward the ladder then at the last moment he veered left and disappeared.
I found his attitude and demeanor 'weird'. I got up and walked over to where he disappeared. I then saw him walking the rafters, dressed, toward where I'd thrown the gun. I stood watching him to make sure he was safe. Without looking in my direction after fetching the gun he went down the opposite side ladder and left the barn.
I walked to the barn window, hung my dick out, pissed out a large arcing stream then returned to Luke who was still sitting where I'd left him.
When I returned, Luke had taken his jeans off, sat up, smiled when he saw me then beckoned for me to join him. I felt comfortable enough with Luke that I joined him. I didn't even bother to get dressed. When I sat down we pulled the comforter over us because the air was still quite chilly in the barn.
We sat there quietly for God only knows how long… I lost track of time. I picked up a piece of straw and began chewing it. The flavor was kinda sort sweet, kinda sorta not… it was weird… but it wasn't bad.
Luke spoke up, offering, "That's brome grass. It's really good for feeding livestock during winter. It helps the livestock grow thick coats so they can survive cold winters. I don't know how they do it. I just know that they do. I guess we do the same thing with memories. When we try to push bad memories out of the way, something else gets fucked up. Does that make sense? I don't know. Sometimes I get all messed up here…" I turned to look directly into his eyes… he was pointing to his head. At the same time he was smiling… it was only the second time I'd ever seen him smile.
I'd never thought of it that way before. When we try to push bad memories out of the way, something else gets fucked up. He's brilliant. It all made sense.
"I'm usually wrong though. I've never been right… they told me so many times. I believed them. I still believe what they said, sometimes." Luke said softly then got up and reached for his underwear.
I said softly, "Luke, you've put it altogether for me. I've been to head bangers out the yin yang; I've had many discussions with my parents… trying to figure it all out… and despite everything, I still couldn't figure it out. You see, and I've never told anybody this, I'm basically a dumb ass punk kid with several screws loose up here <pointing to my head between my eyes>. You said everything exactly right. I understand perfectly now."
"What? What did I say? I have all these random thoughts going through my brain… most times they make no sense." Luke said while taking hold of my wrist and urging me back onto the makeshift bed right next to him. With my back to his front, he put his arms around me. For some reason, I felt comfortable with him doing that but then I wanted to answer his question. What he had said was monumental – for both of us.
"Luke, you said that when we try to push bad memories out of the way then that causes other things to get fucked up. I get paralyzed and lose control of my bladder. You lose your voice and you lose control of your bladder too. We both have demons inside of us. I killed my brother but I had to. I had no choice. I see that now. What happened to you, Luke? Did you do something bad?"
Luke's arm fell off of my shoulders. Quickly, I turned around. He was going away. He had a blank stare in his eyes.
"Luke, don't go. Stay right here. Everything is going to be…"
"No, Joey. Everything is not going to be okay. It'll never be okay. Some things can't be undone. I must go." Luke said with authority. He got up then started walking toward the ladder but before he arrived, he looked back. We looked at each other through our souls. He must have seen something good deep inside, down and behind those closed and locked doors in my heart and mind. He held his hand out to me, "Come with me Joey. We'll deal with this together. That way we won't be alone, and maybe then we can make some sense out of things."
When I realized what he was talking about… the look on his face, the bright light in his eyes, and his calm self-assured manner, I knew what he wanted us to do, together, as one, not two, not individually...
I must admit I had seriously given serious consideration to the thought, as I've written about it before in this story.
I walked to him then took his hand in mine so that I could turn him to face me. In his eyes I saw calmness, serenity, purpose, and a solution.
Then the words that mom and dad had said to me more than once came to my mind. I said, "I won't give up on you, Luke. Don't give up on me. It's all I've got left. Just don't give up. Sometimes I give up, or wanted to give up, but people won't let me give up. What you said to me today gave me strength to not give up. Come on, let's sit back down. You can share with me whatever your demons are… I won't give up on you, and I won't give you away, and I won't tell your parents unless you want me to be there with you should you yourself decide to tell them."
"You'll hate me. Everybody else who knows about what happened hates me. Let me go. I must go now." Luke said with an air of finality that seriously bothered me. The little hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up, the hairs on my arms did the same thing, my dick twitched not because it was horny … rather… I looked down; I was peeing myself. Luke was peeing himself. My stream quickly ended, actually I just dribbled a little that was all, however he continued, and did nothing to stop it nor did I.
Strange as it may seem, we embraced. Luke held onto me as if his life depended on me being there… I have no doubt that it did.
Luke embraced me tightly… I returned his hug readily and easily. His strong arms really felt good. I felt secure. I felt 'right'. Even though we were attached with our arms, and our chests, thighs, bellies and dicks were 'together', neither of us boned up. I said, "Luke, I'm feeling something good inside of myself, I think it's coming from somewhere deep and dark and secret in my soul… I believe in you. What I'm feeling is really good. I feel safe and secure like I've never felt safe and secure before. Please don't go. I'll listen to anything you have to say. I won't judge you. I won't hate you. I promise."
After a few moments of silence, Luke spoke up, he said, "Joey, I can't take the chance of you getting hurt by what I would say. No, I'm sorry. Let me go. The secret will be safe. You won't be hurt, and I won't hurt anymore, and I won't hurt anyone."
Not knowing what else to do… then a thought came into my mind, something mom had told me time after time again… "Joey, you never again have to be alone, unless you just want to be alone." She would always hug and kiss me when she said those words.
Then again, I remembered what my clean and sober friends had told me, and what I told newer people to the program, "Don't quit before the miracle happens. We'll love you until you can love yourself."
I cradled Luke's face in my hands. I turned his face so that we could look each other in our eyes again, soul to soul, body to body, face to face, spirit to spirit… I then said, "Luke, don't quit before the miracle happens. I'll love you until you can love and forgive yourself, and I'll even love you beyond those limits, we'll know no limits."
Without even thinking about what I was about to do, or think about whatever ramifications might result, I brought his face to mine. Our lips touched very lightly – not as lovers, but as brothers… somehow it felt right so I kissed him lightly as a feather dropping from above two more times. On the last one, he kissed me too.
He then hugged me so hard some bones in my spine popped. I'd only been to a chiropractor twice in my life… anyway, that's what his hug made me think of. It didn't hurt, I didn't feel threatened, I didn't feel he was acting from anger, or anything else sinister.
He released his grip then leaned over the platform then looked at me then looked over again then back at me where he kept his gaze. He was facing that moment of indecision… like do I or do I not. I've been there. I knew what he was feeling at that moment in time.
"Luke, let's sit down. We have a lot of talking to do."
When we parted, I kept one hand in his hand, squeezed it gently then nudged him toward Skeeter's makeshift bed high up in the loft.
He looked over the side again and turned his body to face it. "Don't Luke. That's not the answer. If we don't heal our demons then the devil, if you believe in one, will get our souls and take it to hell, and heal our hurts that way… with more and more hurts… more than we could ever imagine. I've danced with the devil, Luke. I came back with some help."
He looked at me then turned his body to face me again. That time he initiated our bond. He cupped my face with his hands then drew me in and kissed my lips.
I felt my reserves weaken… emotional reserves… physically, I was fine. I had no desire to screw. Skeeter had satiated my needs sexually, emotionally, and spiritually. I don't know about Skeeter. I felt he was okay… but we didn't have time to talk about our first real experience without interruption during our bonding moment.
I kissed him quickly then led us away from the edge, toward Skeeter's makeshift bed. I motioned for him to sit down. He did. I joined him then I did something I've never done to anyone ever before that moment, or since.
I laid my hands on his cheeks while looking into his eyes intently then rearranged myself so that we were fully facing each other and touching knee to knee… then… as if he were reading my mind he put his hands on my cheeks gently cupping his thumbs at the base of my eye socket. I did the same.
It was then that we became one.
We knew it.
Our spirits were touching… no they were intertwined… no, they were one, together.
At the very same time, we leaned into the other; touched our lips together… and then I felt his blinding pain. No, I didn't only feel it, I experienced it. The heat was like a white hot poker stabbing through my brain from one side to the other, then back again, then from one side to another, and then it pierced my heart, ripped down my aorta then tore through my legs. The experience was absolute terroristic… I was about ready to utterly and completely lose my mind. When the hell and fire subsided maybe, perhaps only 2 degrees, a vivid vision came front and center… I was experiencing it as if I'd been there, I was there, I was experiencing it through Luke, our souls were touching, we were each feeling what the other was feeling in that slice of time.
Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse… the horrific pain subsided but then the absolute and total horrors and terrors of that one night took me over completely. In the vision, in Luke's reality, a reality he felt safe to share with me, I saw his 4 year old brother, his 3 year old sister, a baby, and his mother… they were screaming while they were dying in a house full of flames, it was absolute hell on earth; it was an inferno. Then his dad exited from a utility room… he was fully engulfed in flames. He was screaming obscenities AT and ABOUT Luke then the man collapsed in the inferno while screaming his hatreds at his wife, sons and daughters.
As if that were not enough, the vision immediately cascaded… through Luke's eyes, I clearly saw him standing all alone in their front yard – with a gasoline can in his hands. He was a little boy, no more than 7 years old. His head was down, he was naked. He was broken, his life shattered, all hope dashed in a sea of flames, he had nobody, and nobody would have him. I watched as his grandmothers later kicked and beat him, his grandfather on his mothers' side hung the boy up on the side of a barn by a pair of suspenders then took target practice with a loaded weapon, intentionally missing by only an inch or two, maybe less. Had Luke flinched or in any other way moved he'd have been blown away into smithereens. I saw through his soul how his cousins had kicked, belittled, smacked around, spat upon, had his eyes poked at, and the awful beatings he was subjected to by a man of the religious cloth all in an effort to exorcise the boy of his demons… no, they were trying to exorcise Luke from Luke…
Then the dreams, his soul took me on a journey through the court system, how he was locked up in solitary confinement for his own safekeeping from others. They did nothing to keep Luke from harming himself. Then it went blank for a few moments. Then the blank spots came to life, he took me into the totally white sterile looking floors of a hospital, and all the pills, potions, treatments, sitting in a chair in a psychiatrists' office. He underwent shock treatments leaving him mumbling, disoriented, without feeling, *and* peeing himself. Another vision, in yet another psychiatrist's office showed him looking out a window at a flock of geese doing geese things in a pond on the grounds. He loosened his grip on me as we continued to share that peaceful moment. He said, "That's where I've gone to sometimes. When things get too bad, I go there Joey."
"I understand. It's peaceful there."
"Joey, my dad raped me. He did it more than once. My mom knew. I had to stop it. I couldn't think past the thoughts that he'd hurt my little brothers and sisters when they got old 'enough'. I was 6 when it started. I'd just had my birthday. It was really fun then he turned on me that very night. Everything became a living nightmare, Joey."
"I know it was." I replied calmly, quietly even though I was quaking over those visions.
When no more visions were forthcoming, I sat down next to Luke then pulled him into my arms and held him firmly after pulling the comforter over our chilling and shaking bodies. Then we lay down then cocooned face to face where we just chilled and let our metabolisms return to normal, whatever normal meant, or means. I still don't have 'normal' figured out.
"Luke, your secret is safe with me. Thank you for trusting me. Do your parents know what happened? I mean did they hear the truth from you?"
"Yeah, they know about the fire but they only know that I was the only survivor… nobody really knows what really happened. You know. You know everything. Joey, can I ask you a question?"
"Yeah, sure, if you ever have a question, just ask, okay? I don't think you're stupid, or those nasty wicked lies and other things you were told"
"Do you hate me, Joey?" Luke asked with tears freely flowing from his eyes, streaming down his cheeks and landing on the comforter we had tightly wrapped around us.
Tears immediately sprang from my eyes… they were as if my head had exploded… everything came gushing out of my soul in that space of time. But with the explosion, relief and positive pressure pervaded my soul… it was healing pain – you know when you have an operation then after its all over the only thing left to do is to heal where the incision was made… then you go on about your life. The scar is there but it just becomes a passing thing that reminds you how sick you were and how the operation fixed you. That's how I felt.
When the sharp jagged edges became as rounded as a glass blower makes them, I collapsed into Luke's arms. He held me firmly but not too tightly so I could breathe.
As it turned out, he began reassuring me that he'd seen everything I'd ever done, everything that had ever been done to me.
When my choking sobs subsided, I brokenly said, "No, Luke, I don't hate you. I don't hate anybody anymore; I do not even hate Christopher for taking my mom away. I don't even hate me anymore. So, how can I hate you – I can't."
"I don't hate you either, Joey. We did what we had to do with what we had… we were just little kids, Joey. We snap. We can only take so much then we break into a million pieces."
"Yeah. We survived though, Luke. I think where we go from here is largely up to us… we can accept our new parents' love or we can just wither away in our minds and live in hell until our bodies die."
"Yeah. Joey, it's going to be real hard to talk to mom and dad… but I know I need to. Maybe if they kick me out I can come live with you?"
"I don't see them kicking you out, Luke. They love you… and besides that, your dad would thrash you into the next world if you left. He'd find you. I know he would… he's pretty smart you know."
Luke smiled because he knew THAT was a truth if there was ever a truth to be told.
We the sunk into the mattress then clung to each other as if our lives depended on it. Luke looked into my eyes. I looked through his and saw, not that terror and horrific soul burning shit, but rather a peace and serenity I'm not sure he'd ever really felt before… at least since he just turned 6 years old.
I raised my head up off the pillow, as did he. We met in the middle… our lips came together, our bodies came together as one with my prong wild with desire. I felt wetness envelope my pecker's head… or was that his… or was it ours mixed together?
My body was quickly approaching that moment of no return, yet it wasn't.
I backed off and away, looked into his eyes… and realized that, although we had shared what we'd never shared with anyone else ever before, his eyes were not Skeeter's. His soul was not Skeeter's, and never would be. While we shared that emotional, physical and spiritual release, we did not share Love as Skeeter and I designed it to be, what it was unfolding out to be.
Luke sensed my feelings better than I did… he pulled away and just as we separated, his cock spewed forth a mountain, a raging roaring fountain of his essence into the covers, all over him and he splashed my legs completely. He was moaning, writhering, sputtering, and snorting his colossal release.
Meanwhile, I grabbed my underwear and put them on quickly before spewing that which was reserved solely for Skeeter, and for me when he wasn't around physically. Nevertheless, I was at that point, it hurt so I got up, ran to the open barn window, stroked my wand no more than 4 times then spewed my own male juices in an arc onto the straw bales far below. I said softly to myself, "Skeeter, that one's for you. Where are you?"
Luke soon joined me, he aimed his then wilted cock out the window and let loose with a stream to be proud of. His face was dreamy… he was definitely enjoying his forage into pee, ha haa.
Meanwhile, I went back to Skeeter's makeshift bed, fetched a rag, wiped Luke's cum from my legs then tossed my wet underwear under the mattress, my jeans and t-shirt, socks and shoes on. Luke joined me with getting dressed.
"I'm sorry, Joey. I've never done that before." Luke said with forlorn in his voice and seen in his body language.
"You haven't what? Jacked off with someone?"
"Well, we didn't exactly jack off… it just came naturally <giggling>… don't be sorry, Luke. I'm not ashamed of what you did, or what I did… it's pretty normal and natural for two guys who are gay and attracted to each other to do as we almost did. Luke, you and I have a natural love of each other but our hearts are in different places. Mine's with Skeeter… I love him as a lover and a mate. You're like a brother to me. Being brothers is a really good thing, Luke. Truly it is. We can share a lot but it would be wrong for me to share my body with you. It would be wrong for you to share your body with me. Do you understand? We're not lover material."
"Yes. Yes, I understand. I felt something missing too, even though I don't know what was missing… ha, haa… there I go around in circles again." Luke then broke into giggles.
"Yeah, me too." I giggled then said more seriously to bring Luke up and make him feel attractive, "Luke, you're really beautiful people. I like you a lot. So will everybody when they get to know you. Don't sell yourself short in the guy department, okay?"
"Okay… uhm, before we go find Stephen… can we kiss just one more time… just brothers… I understand." Luke said with big round puppy dog eyes… this boy is smitten… I can't have that happening.
Without verbally answering him, I leaned over, kissed him quickly then said, "Where do you think Skeeter went to? He seemed pretty upset about something. What time is it?"
"Uhm, its 11:40."
"That gives us time… we need to leave for Wichita at 3."
"Yeah, okay, uhm, he might have gone to the duck pond… he and I've been there together a few times. He likes it over there too. It's just past the grove of trees on the west side of dad's farm; down a little hill… watch out for cow pies. Oh shit, we can't go; mom's probably got lunch ready… maybe he's at the house."
That said we took off for the house. When we arrived, Dan met us at the door. He was none too happy. With a cold calculated voice, he demanded, "Where's Skeeter? He was with you two when you left this morning. His chores aren't done. I've scoured this entire farm… he's not to be found."
Luke looked down. He was actively pissing his pants. He looked at me.
I had a sudden urge to pee but was able to use my internal sphincters to hold it in check. I said to Dan, "I'm sorry sir…" then turned around away from him, unzipped, pulled my underwear down in front, and peed normally. I shook it twice then returned everything back to their previous state. I turned back around and faced Dan but not before seeing Luke with tears streaming down his face, "Mr. Richardson, I don't know where Skeeter is. We had a misunderstanding… I think I hurt his feelings but I didn't mean to…" I turned to Luke, "Luke, do you have any idea where Skeeter might have gone? What about your place, does he know where it's at? Have you guys been there together before?" (Knowing we already had the answers to those questions…).
Luke nodded then turned to his dad. He tried to say something but any audible portion of his communication evaded his abilities to speak.
"Sir, there's a duck pond on the neighbor's property. We need to go there. Uhm, sir, he had a gun with him… it's a long story… can we tell you about it later?"
Dan yelled to Vera, "Call the Smiths. We're going to see if Skeeter is on their property."
Dan then transcended the stairs leading down from the wrap-around porch, took Luke under his one arm and me under the other then led us to his pickup truck where we got in. He sent gravel spraying in all directions as we took off for the neighbors' house.
When we arrived, Dan talked to the neighbor man, a huge person, bigger than Dan. Mr. Smith jumped on his ATV and led the way down to as close to the duck pond as we could get in vehicles. Without waiting for directions or parental guidance, Luke and I exited the truck then took off for the pond with Luke leading the way. He's a fast runner, faster than me, but I never lost sight of him.
I looked back… Dan and Mr. Smith were making their way however their size made them slower. I took off at a gallop, faster than I had ever ran before then just about ran into Luke who had stopped, observing the pond. From our distance, we saw a very small appearing boy sitting on the bank, and a shiny object lying on the ground next to him.
I looked at Luke, "Wait here. I need to talk to him alone."
Without waiting for an answer, I began walking to the pond, "Skeeter, don't do anything stupid. We need to talk. You know, about serious stuff."
Skeeter turned around. He then stood up facing me. His hair was blown wildly all about his head. His eyes were sparkling clear though he scrunched up his face… I'd never seen that look on his face ever before.
"We don't have anything to talk about, Joey. Luke needs you. I don't need you, not like he does. Just leave me alone. Go away. Go home. Tell dad I'll be there after a while. Tell him I'll take my thrashing… I just need to be alone right now. Just go, will ya."
Luke, standing next to me, said in a crystal clear voice, "Joey loves you, Stephen. He loves you with all his heart. I felt it. I experienced it. I asked him to have sex with me, so that I knew it didn't hurt, you know, like how he made love to you. He wouldn't do it. And he told me why. I understand now, Stephen. He wouldn't… he wouldn't… he wouldn't put his penis in me. And he'd never hurt you by having sex with me. It wouldn't be right."
Skeeter's facial features dramatically softened. He looked at me then he looked back to Luke then he saw Dan slowly walking toward the pond.
When Dan arrived, I turned around to see if Mr. Smith was with him… he wasn't. He was standing about 300 yards away. I then looked at Dan, then Luke, then Skeeter.
Haltingly, Luke said to Dan, "I was bad. I tried to make Joey do sex with me… I had to know that sex isn't bad… I mean that it doesn't hurt. He wouldn't do it." With not another word, Luke walked to Dan, turned around facing Skeeter and then dropped his jeans, lifted up his shirt, and waited for whatever Dan decided to do to him.
My blood ran cold. Luke knows that his dad does not bare-ass thrash his kids, none of them, for any reason… shit, Luke was offering Dan his ass…
Dan said to Luke after looking at me then back to Luke, "Pull your underwear up, boy. Your pa doesn't thrash any naked boy ass around here."
Dan looked at me. I said, "Sir, excuse for being blunt… but Luke is expecting that you'll fuck him in his butt… that's what his dad did to him. Now, I can't apologize for something I didn't do. If you're mad at Skeeter, then here I am because it's my fault… I hurt Skeeter's feelings." I said then turned around away from him and dropped my jeans down to my ankles, lifted my shirt and waited.
Skeeter walked over to me, patted my shoulder then turned around to face the same direction Luke and I was facing… he then dropped his jeans and lifted his t-shirt up to his shoulders. Luke adjusted his t-shirt to match Skeeter's. I did likewise.
Dan then walked past us down to ponds' edge, leaned over and picked up the gun lying on the bank. He removed the bullets after double checking the chamber then put them into his pocket. He left the chamber open.
"Why is this loaded gun with you here alone, boy?" Dan bellowed.
Skeeter looked up at his dad, tried to say something but nothing would come out of his mouth. Luke spoke up, clearly, "Dad… I saw no way out. I couldn't live with what I did to my mother, my little brother, and my little sister. Joey took my gun away and threw it to where I couldn't get it. Stephen brought it here."
Then, silently, Luke looked at me with terror in his eyes… he walked to Dan, turned around to face me and Skeeter… then… while staring at us with blank eyes, he reached around to his backside… then lowered his underwear back down to around his ankles then spread his butt cheeks apart.
I couldn't believe it. Skeeter couldn't believe it either. Dan was horrified – he was unable to move.
Without prompting, spontaneously, with absolutely no aforethought, Skeeter and I went to Luke. I pulled Luke's hands apart then Skeeter pulled Luke's underwear and pants up, fastening his zipper, then together we took Luke in our arms and held him tight.
I looked up to Dan who had regained his wits about him. He was shaking violently… I thought he was going to collapse on the spot.
He walked to Luke, pushed Skeeter's and my arms away then stood Luke up straight and tall. He looked Luke directly into his eyes and said, "Lucas David Richardson, don't you EVER do that again. Do not ever show me your private areas like you just did – that territory is between you and God. You will never disgrace yourself because you cannot possibly ever in a million lifetimes ever bring a man to commit depravity as your biological father did to you. You are my son, one of many, but you are God's child." Dan then took Luke's face in his big gnarly yet gentle hands, kissed his forehead then pulled him into a bear hug and held on tightly. Dan had his eyes closed. He was fighting his emotions to be strong for his chosen son.
Skeeter said softly to Dan, "Don't fight, dad. Luke needs to know that it's okay for him to cry out what he needs to cry out. He'll never learn how to feel until you teach him how and that feeling things is okay."
Dan then picked Luke up, cradled him in his arms then walked down to the pond where Dan sat down on the ground and held his son tightly.
I turned to Skeeter, "They need to be left alone now, let's go. Your dad will do and say the right things. He's a good man."
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