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Out of the Rain

by Junco

Chapter 12 - Without Condition

It was good to be in his arms again, to be held so tight, and I could feel his strength, pressing my body into his. He relaxed his hold on me, and ran his arm up and down my back. I had my arms across his shoulders, just holding on. I simply enjoyed his hands as they rubbed my back. It wasn't that I couldn't move, I just didn't want to. I felt warmth flood my soul, and I thanked him, turning my head, and sweetly kissed his neck. My arms lay over top his shoulders, gently holding him, as I tasted his body with my lips, and breathed in his scent. The effort I put forth in my kiss was simple and easy. There deep in my heart, it was my devotion to him, a love that I was feeling. My hand ran across the back of his head down to his neck, and I kissed him again, and the taste of him stirred something with me. I breathed in his scent again, and found myself not being able to stop, I couldn't stop. My kisses became more frequent, and more satisfying, as my hands started exploring him, and my love for him began to pour out of me. I had felt his body before, felt his muscles, and his hair in my hands. I had felt all of him, well nearly all of him. Now it was like starting over again, feeling him anew, like it was the first time. In the past we had been friends, and even though I wanted more, that was what we were together. We only touched as two different people but now he was truly a part of me and I a part of him. I had kept things inside, held back from expressing my true emotions. Being with someone, not sharing that love, was like, water being contained inside a glass. I was forced into the shape of the glass, not allowed beyond its boundaries. Now I was free, allowed to express myself, and take on a different form. I could call James my boyfriend now, and the walls that were once there, suddenly vanished. I had him there in my arms, and I was in his, and we weren't holding back any longer. I breathed in his scent again, tasted him with my lips, and I felt it again, something that was taking control of my mind. It was hard to say exactly what that power was, but it felt like a drug. I could taste him on my lips with every kiss, and each breath I took revealed his scent to me, and it only made me want more. I was telling him with my lips just how much I loved him, how much I had missed him. That expression of love was so sweet, so tender, yet it was also becoming more and more animal like. Not crazy, not wild, but it was becoming wild. The taste of him, his scent, his arms across my back, holding me, loving me, it was more than any boy could take. My soft little kisses were gone, as my mouth began kissing his neck more and more intensely. I couldn't hold back any longer, and grabbed his head with both my hands, and kissed his lips with mine, softly my lips melted into his. The softness of his lips was intriguing to me, as I lost sight of all my surroundings, and became aware of only him. His tongue reached out to my lips and parted them, revealing my own tongue to his. He did it again, and I responded this time as my tongue started pushing against his, moving in all directions. I felt myself getting very hard and a tightness pressing up against my shorts. My hands were pulling at his hair, then to his back, then holding tight, trying to get him closer, pulling him into me, as our tongues moved, fighting against each other. I couldn't restrain myself any longer. I had lost that battle, and now I was losing myself in him. Yes I was in love, in love with his spirit and his soul, but I was also in love with his body. Breathing was becoming more difficult, and finding a way to get air almost impossible. He started kissing my neck, and for a moment I thought I might breath again, but that thought vanished, because what he was doing to me was still taking my breath away. He worked his way from the side of my neck, down to the front, then he kissed me just under my adams apple. Then I really couldn't breath, as I sucked in one last breath and became paralyzed. Then his hands found there way to my butt, all the while kissing my neck, and I found myself making small little noises, sounds I hadn't heard of till now. I had never heard myself make those sounds before, and it didn't seem like I was the one making them, but it was my mouth they were coming from. He worked his way down slightly, kissing my chest, while his hands made their way down to the bottom of my butt, and I felt his hands clasp together. James wasn't a muscle head, but to me he was incredibly strong, and he started lifting me up. My feet no longer on the deck, just hanging there in space, and he bent his knees slightly, then quickly stood up bringing me up, and by instinct, I wrapped one arm around his head, the other around his shoulder, then my legs wrapped around his waist as he continued to kiss my neck and down my chest. Because it was so hot, I wasn't wearing a shirt, and the feeling of his lips on my chest made me glad that I hadn't. What he was doing to me felt so wonderful, and I felt my head go limp as my lover continued kissing my chest. I took it as long as I thought I could, as much as any human could endure, and both my arms went across both his shoulders, both of my hands pulling at his hair, till he lifted his head back up, and I felt his lips once again. I was kissing him harder than before, feverishly attacking his mouth. I had never kissed anyone like this before, not so passionately. I wasn't exactly inexperienced, not even close in the kissing department, yet I had never known myself to act this strongly before. Aggressive I wasn't, but something inside of me was making me do this. James let me kiss him, let me attack him, as my tongue reached for the back of his mouth. I felt myself moving, only I wasn't walking, he was carrying me. He stopped moving, stopped kissing me and I opened my eyes to see that he needed me to open the door for him. He carried me inside, and sat me down on the bar stool there in the kitchen, and I looked up at him, looked into his eyes, and I knew I was in love. The feeling of love was stronger now than it was just a few minutes ago. He bent his head down, and we kissed again, softer this time, slower, and with meaning. I never knew what kissing a boy would be like. I had somehow pictured it being rough, not the sweet and tender kisses I was getting now. We were talking, communicating with each other, but not saying a word. Our lips and only our lips were doing the talking. Love had become easy, relaxing, and fun. We kissed like this for sometime, then I broke away from his lips, and kissed his neck, working my way to the front. I found that little dimple, the space between two tendons there in his neck, just under his Adams apple, and I kissed him there and down to the top of his shirt. I felt him throw his head back, and I knew what it felt like, because he had just done that to me, and it had nearly sent chills up my arms. Now it was my turn as my hands found their way down to his butt, and I pulled him closer to me, and kept kissing him there, but I found his shirt with my lips, and it was in the way, so I reached for his side, pulled up the shirt, and he took it off the rest of the way. Now with his chest exposed, I worked my way down, between his two pecks, then started to explore his muscular chest with my lips, then back to the base of his neck, and around the top part of his chest. Then I licked him, tasting the salt from his body after his hard day at work. I found that he liked that too, and I alternated from sweet little kisses, to licking him. The scent of him, the drug that was James, was taking over again, as my lips and tongue kissed him everywhere on his chest and to his neck again. I worked my way down again, down his chest and explored his pecks with my mouth, then I found his nipple very close to my lips. I didn't know if it was acceptable to kiss him there. My inexperience was showing there, but I decided to go for it anyway. I kissed him once on his nipple, and I heard James gasp for breath, and I knew he liked it. I kissed him there again, and James found my hair with his hands, and started running them wildly around my head. I kept kissing him, and kissed harder till I heard James making moaning sounds. Not the quiet little sound I heard myself make earlier, but a very definite moan. I knew I had found something, knew he liked what I was doing to him, and couldn't wait for him to do it to me. I switched and did the other one, and listened to the sounds he was making get louder, till he couldn't take it any longer. He pulled on my hair at the back of my head, pulled hard, and I was forced to lift my head up and he attacked my mouth with his tongue. He was kissing me hard, his tongue inserting itself into my mouth, and his hands at the back of my head, holding me, keeping me his prisoner. He was going after me, kissing me hard, and he didn't let up till he started running out of air. I was nearly out of breathe myself, and he backed away from me, and we both started breathing again.

"Boy, you are a lot of fun," he said, barely able to get out his words, for he was still breathing hard, and so was I.

"Me? What about you? You have any idea what you're doing to me?" He just smiled at me, placed his hands on the top of my shoulders and looked into my eyes.

"I'm so glad we finally did this," he said, talking in a more normal tone.

"Me too," I replied looking into his eyes. "I missed you," I said softly, and he stepped closer, giving me a hug, while I turned my head to the side, pressing my ear to his chest. We both relaxed in each other's arms, and I started collecting my thoughts about what had just transpired over the last ten minutes. Okay maybe it was twenty minutes, possibly thirty, but that didn't seem to matter. What did matter was that I was in love with him, but more than that was the fact that he knew it, and didn't back away from that. He loved me too. Then I heard James's stomach growl.

"I made us something for supper," I said.

"It can wait," he said kissing the back of my neck.

"But your hungry, I know you should eat."

"I could eat you."

"Now who's being a silly boy?" I said.

"Okay sweetie." I just loved hearing him say those words. He backed up out of my way, while I went to turn on the stove. Thankfully my timing was very good, because I had turned on the oven a few minutes before he arrived.

"Look at this. You've got it all ready." It was the first time he had looked at anything else, his eyes had been fixed on me since he got home.

"Well I can't cook like you, but I wanted tonight to be special, and you just got home, so I made us something to eat." James held me in his arms again staring into my eyes. "You don't know how glad I am that you feel this way about me," he said.

"You, what about me? I've been going through hell not knowing how you feel. You've been so close, yet not close enough, till now that is. I'm curious," I said, "when did you know?"

"Well the first day at the auto parts store was a good beginning."

"So you knew right away?" I said rather strongly.

"No, not then, but I knew something was different."

James looked at me, and I knew the look, and I knew for sure it was love. "Well the next day at the lake, that's when I was pretty sure. You were so sweet to me, and I just knew there was something about you, and I wanted you, but you were still thinking about Shelly then, and so I tried to put it out of my mind, only I couldn't." He kissed me again.

"I'm confused," I said, "you liked me, after our second day together?"

"It's a long story Shawn. I'll tell you after we eat. I am kind' a hungry."

"Me too."

"Now what about you," he said putting his arms around my waist. "When did you start having feelings for me?"

"Well it was that same day, our second day together. I guess I felt sorry for you, and when I held you, well it was just so, different. I just felt close to you, knew that I liked you, just didn't know how I liked you. I didn't have any sexual feelings, I just liked you as a person. I had no idea it would ever turn out like this. Having feelings for another boy was completely new to me, but then you started growing on me, like when I saw you coming out of the shower one day with just a towel."

"Yeah, and you got real quiet that day."

"Well you were so sexy looking that day."

"Really. You thought that about me?"

"Oh yeah. I had no idea where it came from, but when I saw you, something clicked. Then remember last Saturday, at the lake?"

"How could I forget," he said.

"I wanted to kiss you then, in fact I almost did twice that day."

"Why didn't you then?"

"Cause, I was scared."

"Doesn't matter, you did it today."

"Glad I did too. It was killing me."

"What' a mean killing you?" He asked.

"Well just, just that's been hard for me, because when you left on Sunday, I sort of feel apart."

"I knew something was up with you," he said as he pulled my head back to his chest.

The next day I couldn't take it anymore, and when I got home from work, I... well it wasn't good." He hugged me, held me then ran his hands up and down my back.

"I'm sorry bud." I felt his compassion again, when he spoke. I knew he really did care for me.

"I felt so alone. I can't remember when I was ever that down before." James held me tight, rubbing his hands up and down my back. "Lucky for me my uncle came over, saw me crying and helped me out."

"Why what did he do?"

"He took me into town, we had ice cream, we talked some, and like an idiot, I asked him how do you know when you're in love."

"You're not an idiot," he said holding me out away from him, looking into my eyes.

"Felt like I was. I slipped up, said something about telling this other person that I loved them as a friend, only I said him. I was trying to be careful, I just wasn't ready to tell him everything, but some how he knew the other person was you."

"Doesn't surprise me," he said, brushing my hair back.

"What that he knew it was you?"

"Well you did look at me a couple of times that day, and they were long looks too."

"That's what he said." I looked at him with a slight puzzled look, then punched him in the arm.

"What was that for?"


"Cause why?"

"Well you knew how I felt about you then, so why didn't you do something?"

"I didn't know for absolute sure."

"Yeah, but you knew didn't you?"

James hung his head down, he let go of me, and his arms hung limply, not moving. I had been joking with him in a way. I hit him, not hard, but I realized, it was only half joking around. Inside of me, the pain I went through, the pain that I thought was gone, had suddenly come back. I was half serious when I hit him, and it was for not coming to me, when he really knew all along. He didn't look up, and I realized there was more to what had just happened. I put my arms around him, pulled him to me, and held him tight. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, whispering in his ear.

"You're right," he said, whispering back to me. "It's a long story. Can I take my shower first?"

"Sweetie are you okay?" He just nodded his head yes. "I'll wait, you take your shower, then we can eat."

"That sounds good."

"We'll talk later," I said, and I held him then kissed him. I wasn't expecting him to kiss me back but he did. He kissed me very sweet, almost like he was saying he was sorry. We kissed for a while, then I held him again, and when he let go he kissed me once more then left to take his shower. I checked on dinner, stirred a few things, then sat down and waited for him to return. It was suppose to be a happy time, and I still wanted that, so I put on some music, and started moving to the beat as I continued with dinner. I put the black cloud behind me, and was hoping that the shower James was taking would help him too.

He came out, wearing only his sleep shorts, no shirt, and I saw him, and he smiled for me, and I knew he was okay. He looked good before, but there he was, all clean, happy again, and I knew I wanted him even more. Without hesitation, he came around to where I was, and I stood up so I could kiss him again. His lips were soft and warm, and his kisses so light, and I could feel his body press against mine. Then he backed away from me and said, "So when's dinner?"

It can wait, I said," and grabbed his shoulders, pulling back to me again, and kissed him back, but I didn't extend that event. Not yet anyway. I asked him to sit, while I got out our plates and gave him some corn, mashed potatoes, and two pork chops.

"This looks really good sweetheart." Those words, the way he said sweetheart, made me feel so good. "Where did you learn to cook like this?"

"I called my mom up, and asked here for some ideas. It isn't like your cooking, but I did want it to be special."

"Your special," he said, and gave my knee a gentle squeeze as I sat down beside him. Normally we sat opposite each other at the bar, but tonight I sat next to him, and rubbed his legs with my foot while we ate. He thanked me again for making dinner, and it was a good feeling inside to have done something for him. I cleaned up dishes, while James rubbed my back and my shoulders. When I finished I turned around to face him and I became lost in his eyes. "So tell me," I asked, "how did you know so quickly? You know how was it that you liked me right away? I said this to him, and softly kissed his neck, and his ear, then to his cheek and his lips again, only I wanted an answer to my question, so I stopped kissing him.

"I think I knew pretty early on, maybe before you did," he said brushing the hair away from my face.

"I've been wondering about that. You said you were going to tell me."

"There is something about me that I haven't told you." He kissed me again and led me over to the couch, where we both sat down, not letting go of each other. "I haven't told you much about when I lived at Falcon Ridge."

"Nothing at all."

"Well I didn't learn how to cook overnight. We were taught a lot of things to help us survive later in life. That's what they told us anyway, but when you're young, you don't believe everything grownups tell you. Anyway our cook there, made us breakfast, and during the summer, and on weekends made us lunch. Then at dinnertime, he would instruct two of us on how to make dinner. We all took turns, and each time we were to work with one of the other guys, but it was always somebody different." I turned sideways on the couch, crossed my legs in front of me, and held his hand in both of mine. "That's where I think I fell in love with this guy. I was working with him, just the two of us fixing dinner, and for no reason at all I was looking at him. Wasn't sure, what I was seeing, but I was attracted somehow. Over time my feelings for him kept growing, and I found myself wanting to be like him, and went to do the same things he did, like swimming or lifting weights. Only problems was, he was about two years older than me, and totally ignored me."

"So that's how you got to be so strong."

"Yeah, that and swimming. Well, one day in the pool, we were all playing this game, and he had a soccer ball, and we were suppose to get away from the other team. I naturally tried to take it away from him, wrestled with him to get it away, and he threw it to one of his buddies and I let go of him. I never felt anything like that, my attraction for him. Later that night I followed him back to the pool. He dove in, and I dove in right behind him. When he came up for air, I came up right behind him, put both my hands on his strong shoulders, lifted myself up and almost kissed him on the back of his neck. He turned around, pushed me away then called me a queer. He told me to get away from him, and don't ever do that again. It was just the two of us in the pool, and I thought I was just playing around"

"So you almost kissed him?"

"Well, I didn't, almost did, but then he pushed me away."

"Did he hurt you?"

"No, not physically anyway. It did hurt though."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. Just left and went to my room. I wanted him to like me, but he didn't want anything to do with me, and I think it broke my heart. I cried for a long time, and my roommate asked me what was wrong, but I couldn't tell him, couldn't talk to anybody. It really hurt that he didn't like me, but then he called me that name. I made a pact with myself, that I would never be the first one to kiss again, at least not another boy. In fact I tried hard to put boys out of my mind. Word spread around about what happened, and some of Jack's friends would ask me to suck their dick, but they didn't mean it, they were all just making fun of me. I got called a lot of names, and even some of my friends would hardly speak to me. Nothing was the same after that. It was about two weeks later, one of the guys there Max, approached me. We all knew he was gay, but for some reason everyone left him alone, but then he didn't bother us either. He said that he heard about what happened, and he told me how sorry he felt for me. I made sure no one saw us, while Max and I talked. I kept my distance from him, told him I wasn't interested. He tried talking to me again one day, but we weren't alone, and some of the guys saw us, just talking. I was trying to break away from him, but it was too late. Jack and some of his friends saw us, we weren't doing anything, just talking, and not for very long, but that's when they called us lovers, then Jack said fagot, and I hate that word."

"Me too," I said, then I asked him a question, something I felt I needed to know. "Was there every anyone else?" He looked at me rather strange. "Oh, sorry, I mean was there every anyone else that you liked? Another boy."

"No. No way. I'm in love with you now," and he kissed me, and I kissed him back, then he broke away from me.

"I really do love you Shawn."

"And I love you James Ryan." We hugged each other, but my legs felt like they were falling asleep, so I uncrossed them, put them back on the floor, facing the same way he was. My arm went across his shoulder, and I tilted my head sideways against his, while he put his hand on my leg. "So this other guy, what was his name?"


"Yeah, ah...Jack, what ever happened to him?"

"Don't know. Haven't seen him. Don't want to see him. I hated the way those boys talked about me."

"Is that the way it's going to be for us?" I asked him this and reached with my free hand over to his chest, turning my body more toward him as I did it.

"I hope not baby."

"That's why I tried to put boys out of my head and started to think about a family of my own. So I hooked up with that girl my senior year."

"So you want to have kids?"

"Think so. After my mom and dad died, I didn't have a family, and it was up to me to start my own."

"Do you still feel that way? You know, do you still want to have kids?"

"I still think about it."

"Well, I don't think I can have any kids."

"You. You are a silly boy," he said and with his free hand reached around and started tickling me. I couldn't help but start laughing, squirming, trying to get away from him, but I didn't want to get too far away. He didn't tickle me for long, but leaned toward me and kissed me on the lips, and ran his hand up across my chest. In no time, I felt myself getting hard. I loved that feeling, and before long found myself pushing back toward him, trying to get closer till my hand found his chest, and I rubbed his strong pecks, then rubbed my fingers across his nipples. Suddenly I was in control, while he submitted himself to me. He almost sucked the air out of my lungs, gasping for breath, so I kissed his cheek, and worked my way down to the side of his neck, gave him a chance to breath, and slowly worked my way back up. I was kissing him hard till I reached just under his ear, then I slowed way down, kissed soft, and sweet on his cheek. I made my way down, along his cheekbone, like I was walking through the woods trying hard not to make any twigs snap. Slowly, I made my way along, till I reached his mouth and kissed him slow. I backed away from him, saw him smile at me, and kissed him again. I repeated my actions several times, each time looking into his eyes. I couldn't believe what was happening to us, how we were becoming lovers. Maybe not exactly lovers yet, not the true sense of the word, but we were becoming that. It was sweet, very sweet, and that feeling of love made it self known to me. I continued kissing him, then backed away, looking into his eyes, and each time I lingered on his lips a little longer. Then passion took its hold on me again, and I started kissing him longer, and harder. When I ran out of air again, I kissed his neck, then down to his chest, opened my eyes, and saw how hard he was. His shorts weren't tight like mine and the stiffness there inside them poked upward, almost teasing me. I couldn't see clearly because of his shorts, but it was right there waiting for me. I wasn't sure why I wanted that, but I knew the feeling of desire was strong, and now it was becoming even stronger. My hand moved down his chest to his stomach, while my mouth took over for where my hand had just been. I was kissing his chest, while my hand rubbed his stomach, then to his side, the one furthest away from me. I looked down again, saw that he was wearing my dark blue shorts, my favorite pair. They were my favorite, because they were so soft, and because they fit so loose, perfect to sleep in. My hand reached down, further till I reached the soft fabric of his shorts, and I began to rub the outside part of his hip, and upper leg. My hand moved up and down his leg, touching him only there, while my lips kept kissing his chest, sometimes licking him once or twice. I turned my wrist slightly, so that my forearm came closer, almost making contact with the part of him I hadn't touched yet. I turned my wrist slightly more till I did make contact, just barely touching, so light, that I hardly noticed, but by judging his reaction I had made the connection. He was extremely excited, and so was I. Touching a boy like that was totally new to me. His breathing had been heavy, frequent, but for a few seconds he quit breathing. I moved my hand back up, brushed him again, this time, I heard him suck in air twice in succession. I had never been this brave with a girl, but now I was with a boy, and I knew what he was feeling, knew I would like it too, so I kept running my hand up and down the outside of his leg, each time, the underside of my wrist, and forearm brushing by him, gently touching him. I got braver still, bent my wrist a little more and on my way back up, my forearm struck him, about mid way up, and my hand slowed down, as my wrist ran slowly up the shaft, bending it back slightly, until I cleared the tip, and he sprung back to his original position. I did this several times, each time applying more pressure, each time, my wrist striking him lower, catching more of what was down inside his shorts. I moved my hand to the top of his leg, no longer brushing him with my wrist, just my hand, moving up and down his leg, fingers pointing up toward his body, the palm toward his feet. Each time, my hand shifted slightly, almost imperceptibly toward the inside of his leg. I stopped watching what I was doing, took my eyes off of what I wanted, and kissed his chest, between his two pecks, and down along the top part of his stomach, still moving my hand up and down his leg. I was on the inside of his leg now, moving upward, till my thumb found the place where his leg joined his body, right at his crotch, and I stopped there, my hand rotated around, the palm, rubbing the soft parts of him, there between his legs, moving slow, till I reached something very hard. My fingers were pointing at his feet now, and the palm of my hand worked its way up, toward the top, till I reached the tip, and then back down again. I looked up at him, watching him enjoying the pleasure I was giving him, till he opened his eyes and kissed me. He kissed me hard, letting me know he really liked what I was doing to him. I was touching him, exploring parts of him that I had wanted to touch, and never did till now. His kisses no longer light and sweet, but very strong and passionate, and I was responding to that passion, kissing him just as strongly. Then I did get brave, and my hand moved back up to the drawstring on his shorts, and I gave a gentle tug as the knot came undone. Then I moved my hand down his stomach, under his shorts till I felt the silky hard smoothness there under his shorts. I was feeling him, exploring the feeling of his soft skin, his shape, and his size. Just under that smooth, silky skin, he was hard, quite unyielding, not giving way to the pressure of my hands as I squeezed him. I didn't squeeze too hard, but I could tell there was a definite firmness to him, like a piece of steel. My hand started moving up and down on him, while my lips and tongue were engaged with his. His sounds were muffled with my mouth over top of his, but when I started kissing his neck again, the soft noises had became louder, and the effect I was having on him must have been pure pleasure. He straightened his body pulling his butt of the sofa for a minute, and I pulled his shorts down further, till I exposed all of him, and ran my hand up and down on him. I liked the feeling there in my hand, the smoothness of him, soft, yet he was rock hard. He was trying to kiss me, but it just wasn't possible between his breathing, and his small cries of pleasure. A few times I think he tried to stop me, and I was sensing that he wanted to do something for me, but I didn't stop. He tried to kiss me again, tried to gain back control, and started turning toward me, but I knew what he was up to, and I wasn't ready to let go of my control over him. I felt strong and powerful, and enjoyed being in charge, so I squeezed him again, and he turned back to his original position, letting me continue. Perhaps there was a better way, someway we could enjoy each other together, someway that we could be united in our pleasure of each other. That was a true possibility, and I knew one day soon it would be like that, but for now, I was loving him, showing him without condition just how much I loved him. He tried again to push me back, but I stood my ground, as I continued to give myself to him. I was too much in love with him to care about myself. I felt something hard under my shorts, something wanting to break free, to be touched, to have him feel me the same way I was feeling him, but I denied myself that, and kept my hand where it was, moving on him, as his excitement continued to increase. I thought he was close to letting go, so I kissed his nipple. Soft at first, but then harder my lips closed around that sensitive spot on him, while my hand continued its journey up and down. James was strong, could have done anything to me, and I wouldn't be able to stop him, but I was in control. He wasn't fighting me, wasn't doing anything, only enjoying what I was doing for him. He had resigned himself to me, letting go of everything. I kept kissing his nipple, and my hand kept it's movement till I felt him stiffen up, heard his cries, so I kissed him harder as he responded to me, and he shot out while his body jolted under me, and he let out a long whale from his mouth, and then another jolt and another cry came from him. It wasn't words I heard, nothing that I could discern, only pleasure came from his lips, till he grabbed my head, pulling it up till our lips came together again, and he kissed me hard at first, then he eased up and his kisses got softer, and my grip on him relaxed. I didn't notice at first, but my hand was now wet, and his kisses became softer, and I felt his body relax again. He got up, and gently picked up my legs, swinging them around on the couch as I reclined into the back on the sofa, and he lay partly on top of me.

"I'm not too heavy for you, am I?"

"No, babe, you just lay there and relax. I ran my hand, the dry one, through his hair, and rested my other hand on his back.

"I'm sorry," were the words he said, and it surprised me.

"Sorry about what?"

"That I came so quick."

"It's okay, don't worry about that. I love you."


"No sweetheart, I wanted to do that for you, and I enjoyed it too. I wanted to feel you."

"But I want to feel you too."

"And you will," and I kissed him softly on his cheek, as he squirmed up against me. "You just lay here and relax." I felt him nod his head yes, and he got heavier to me, as he relaxed his body. It really didn't bother me, I had done something for him, given him my love, something I had wanted to do for a long time. Maybe it wasn't exactly special, but he did enjoy it, and I was the one doing it for him. I still had something of my own in need of attention, but I relaxed with him, let go of that, and tried to go to the same place he was. It wasn't easy at first, the pressure I was feeling in my shorts was so confining, but I did relax, as I felt the warm body next to mine. Felt him there in my arms, holding him, and my heart began to fill with love for him. It was quiet, peaceful, laying together, just the two of us, and I felt his body get heavier still, as he fell asleep.

I was still in shock, still hard to believe what was happening, but it was true. The feelings I had, were stronger than any feelings I ever had for a girl. I was in love with a boy. I had never thought about being gay until I met James, and even then I didn't think about it seriously until the past week. Now there was no going back. Being gay was a label it seemed, a way to classify a person into a group. It wasn't what I wanted, never wanted that, but my love was too strong, and going on living without him wasn't what I wanted either. We were two people in love with each other, and if that meant I was gay, I would have to live with that, but I didn't have to do it alone. The thought of being alone, and trying to live with being gay is what scared me before, but now I wasn't afraid. I wasn't alone, and I was about to find out first hand what being gay was like, and it looked like James and I were going to have fun finding out.

I felt myself starting to fall asleep, as I held him in my arms, running my hand through his hair, relaxing with him, holding the boy I loved.

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