I woke up sometime during the night needing to piss real badly. As I jumped out of bed, my piss-swollen cock slapping against my stomach, I realized that I was naked and then, I remembered Gramps putting me to bed.
Matt and I had had our own bath since we had moved into Mom and Dad's room after they died. Matt and I thought it would help us feel a little less lost without them, but I always thought it was because we wouldn't have to put on robes or other clothes before leaving the bedroom for the bath which we had shared with Gramps.
Anyway, after I drained the lizard I felt a whole lot better but was still tired. Except for a small nightlight the room was dark, and I could hear the rain still beating down outside. Getting back in bed, I pulled the covers up under my chin and lay on my side, facing the pillow where Matt would have lain facing me. The bed was so big and empty without him in it with me that a wave of loneliness swept over me. Tears started welling up in my eyes as I thought about all of the things we had discovered about each other in "our" bed. Blinking the tears away, I smiled and pulled his pillow to me - hugging it. Memories of the summer that Gramps had explained some of the elementary things about how we were growing, and how we used the big book he had gotten from the library lingered in my head. My eyes grew heavy as memories of our boyhood flashed though my head like the pictures in a kaleidoscope, and I held the pillow tightly to me, Matt's aroma lulling me to sleep.
Tucking my cock back into my shorts, I pulled the big barn door open and stepped out just as Matt was handing the basket of eggs to Gramps. My cock was still a little hard but I managed to walk and not show a lump.
Gramps had a big book in his hand and he tucked it under his arm as he took the basket from Matt.
"You boys have really been busy, haven't you? How many nests did you find in the hay loft Matt?"
"We didn't really count, Gramps, but there must have been at least six or seven," Matt exclaimed, his attention suddenly diverted as his eyes focused on the large book under Gramps arm. "What's that you got under your arm?"
"That's the book I was telling you about," he said as a matter of fact. "After we finished the rock removal, Lester took the team over to his place for some work he wanted to do. I ran on into the town library to see whether they had a book that would answer some of your questions, which I think this book will. So let's store these eggs in the root cellar and see whether we can find answers for those questions you were asking this morning."
Matt was jumping up and down in front of Gramps, "Let me carry the book, Gramps; let me," he cried excitedly.
Smiling patiently, Gramps handed the book to Matt, and he raced on to the house while Gramps and I walked a little slower, his arm around my shoulders.
I knew that Gramps loved Matt and me, but most of the time he was not an outwardly affectionate man. I was learning that when he put his arm around me there was something he wanted to say and that it usually was not good news.
"Your mother wrote me, Luke, and said that she and your dad will be here in about three weeks. She mentioned that the housing or whatever it is they call it was all taken care of, but you and Matt will have to be registered for school this coming September. What grade are you boys in now?"
"I'm in the eighth grade this year, and Matt is in the sixth, Gramps, but I don't see why we have to be there to register. Mom and Dad do everything, and Matt and I just sit around looking stupid while they fill out papers and talk with teachers and counselors. It's the same thing every time Dad gets transferred to another base. I wish he would get out of the Army so we all could stay here on the farm with you."
"You don't really mean that, Luke," Gramps said, briefly squeezing me closely to him as we walked. "The army is your Dad's job, and he has to go where they need him. You boys are growing and getting older, and I know it's hard on you and Matt, but you know why your Dad is moved around so much."
"Yeah, Gramps, I know why, but it doesn't seem to bother Matt. He still thinks it's exciting going to new places all the time. I used to like it, but next year I'll be in high school, and it's hard making new friends again and again when Dad moves to another base."
"Well, I can understand that, Son; but you have Matt. Your having moved about so much is probably one of the reasons you two are as close as you are. Let's get inside before Matt tears that book up looking at pictures he won't understand."
Gramps was right; Matt had his head buried in the book when we walked into the kitchen. When he looked up from the book, he was grinning from ear to ear, and his eyes were shining. Somehow, remembering what we had done in the hayloft and from what he had told me about the boy in school, I had an idea that Matt understood a lot more than Gramps gave him credit for.
We sat down at the table with Matt, and of course, he had dozens of questions and they spilled out in a continuous jumble of words. I sat quietly looking at the pictures in the book and listening as Gramps tried to answer Matt's questions. He wanted to know all of the different parts of the female body that were shown so graphically, and the overall difference between the male and female anatomies. It wasn't easy for him, but Gramps tried to explain the difference between a man's penis and a woman's vagina and the reason women had large bulbous breasts while men did not. Matt of course picked out two words that Gramps had the most difficulty explaining: intercourse and masturbation.
I already had an idea about what masturbation meant from hearing some boys in school talking about it. However, knowing how inquisitive Matt seemed to be about anything sexual, I didn't say anything as Gramps was trying to explain it to him. I had seen some of the older boys pulling on their cocks in the shower and they had called it "beating their meat," but I didn't stay when they invited me to join what they called a "circle jerk". The thought of jerking off with some of the boys was exciting; but, since I didn't have very much pubic hair, and my cock was not as big as some of theirs, I didn't want to embarrass myself.
Gramps tried to explain intercourse using some of the farm animals as examples, and Matt made grotesque faces when Gramps tried explaining about a bull inseminating a cow, and the way his penis would penetrate the cow's vagina.
"Yucky, Gramps, that sounds nasty," Matt said, sticking his tongue out and trying to make a disgusting face. "Do men and women do it the same way animals do?"
"Depending on how you look at it, Matt, you could say they do, but as you get older it will become clearer," Gramps said, looking at me inquisitively, and attempting to answer Matt's question.
Matt surprisingly didn't say anything else, and Gramps closed the book with a bang, as he said, " that's enough for now. You guys better get cleaned up for supper, and check to be sure you didn't pick up any ticks from the hay while you were in the hay loft."
Matt raced up to our bedroom about three steps ahead of me. When I got to our room he had already stripped and was sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing his smooth hairless crotch.
"I'll look you over for ticks after you take your clothes off Luke. They can really itch if you get one. I don't have any on the front of me but you can check the back of me."
"You check the back while I check the front, Matt, and then I'll check you."
"Okay," he replied, teasingly pinching me gently as if he were removing ticks. I was about to tell him to knock it off when he suddenly said, "Were you looking at those pictures of girls in the book, Luke? That opening between their legs with the scraggly hair around it looked nasty. I wouldn't want to be like that, I think it's better having a cock like we have, don't you."
"Of course I do, Mattie," I said, scratching in my armpits while he was checking my back. "Do you see anything back there?"
"No, I don't," he answered, "but you better bend over so I can look between your cheeks," he said, inserting his fingers between my ass cheeks as he asked, " Do you think you would like doing what Gramps said girls and boys do? I'm not sure that I would like it."
"How do you know Mattie? Neither one of us has done anything like that. It might be fun."
"You mean you'd like putting your cock inside that nasty looking place where girls pee from," he exclaimed vehemently. "That's nasty Luke."
"Gramps tried telling you that is called intercourse, and if you were listening, he said that's the way older men and women make babies. When a man puts his cock inside of a woman they both get excited, together they make some kind of stuff that mixes inside of the woman, and a few months later a baby is born."
"Yeah, I heard all of that but it still sounds nasty. I don't want to put my cock inside a girl and get it all icky. He didn't explain what that big word mas-tur-bation meant. "What's that?" he asked as he finished looking for ticks in the crack of my ass.
"Stand up so I can check you like you did me, and I'll try and explain it while I check you over." I said.
Matt stood and turned his back to me as I inhaled deeply in an attempt to suppress the exciting sensation created by his fingers searching between my ass-cheeks, and around my asshole. I wasn't sure that I completely understood what the word meant but had somewhat of an understanding and thought that he would understand too if I told him.
"That word, Mattie, is what they call it when a boy plays with his cock, and it gets real hard like when you did it to me in the barn. As long as you continue doing it, your cock stays hard and it makes you feel good all over. I saw some of the older boys at school doing it in the showers, and they called it 'beating your meat' or 'jerking off.' A bunch of them were doing it, and they asked me if I wanted to join them. It looked exciting, but most of them had more hair and bigger cocks than I did, and I didn't want to stay and be made fun of."
"You didn't tell me about that, Luke." Matt exclaimed, twisting his head around to look at me over his shoulder. "When did that happen?"
"I don't tell you everything, Matt, but it happened once when we were taking a shower after gym class."
"That's not fair, Luke," Matt said, a little dejectedly. "I told you about that big boy in the bathroom who pushed his cock at me."
"Mattie, you're younger then me, and bigger boys do different things from what younger boys like you do," I said, feeling a little ashamed at not having told him. "I guess maybe I should have told you about it, but you get real excited, and sometimes you say things that you shouldn't say. I was afraid you might say something to Gramps."
"You know I wouldn't do that, Luke," he replied, clamping his lips shut and looking at me in disbelief. "I'd never tell anyone about stuff like that, especially not Gramps."
"I'm sorry, Mattie, I know you wouldn't, but I just wasn't thinking when it happened. I promise I won't forget to tell you anymore," I said apologetically, playfully slapping his ass as I said, "I guess we didn't get any ticks on us, so we better get showered before Gramps starts hollering for us."
Matt and I had been showering together ever since we were little kids so he got the water ready while I picked up the clothes we had dropped on the floor and put them in the dirty clothes hamper. Matt was already in the shower soaping up when I stepped in under the water. He turned as I wet down and started rubbing the soapy sponge over me, his hard cock sticking out proudly from his groin. Matt was eleven, but his cock was fat and maybe a little over three inches or so long. Not really as big as me when I got hard but pretty good size for his age. I had seen some of the boys in his class naked and none of them had cocks that looked nearly as big as Matt's did.
His eyes gleamed wickedly when he saw me looking, and he started playing with me pulling on my cock and running his hands over my balls. I should have stopped him, but I felt the excitement building in my groin, and it felt good. I leaned back against the wall of the shower, my cock getting harder as he pulled on it. Strange electric like feelings were running all through me, and I felt sort of weak in my legs really intense feelings building in my balls as he stroked my cock.
My muscles tightened as he increased the tempo, and I was sort of standing on the balls of my feet pushing my hips and cock upward at Matt as I pressed my shoulders against the shower wall. All kinds of hot feelings were rushing all through me, and I was breathing real hard gasping for breath when he suddenly stopped. Matt was breathing as hard as I was and playing with his hard cock, his body quivering. Moving closer he put his cock under mine and squeezed them tightly together. I gasped at the intense feeling as he squeezed or cocks.
"Do you like that, Lukie?" he whispered huskily. "You're bigger than me but not very much. All those feelings you were telling me about, I think I'm feeling the same way. It's hard to tell what it feels like but something is happening down there that makes us feel the same way. Do you feel the same way I do, Luke?"
Matt was moving his hand back and forth between us holding our cocks together, and he was right; it felt like my cock was on fire. My heart was beating so fast I could hardly breathe because of the intense feelings that were causing my muscles to tighten. Matt was moving his hand faster and faster when suddenly it felt like my cock was going to explode, and I arched my back driving my hips into him causing him to lose his grip. Every muscle in my body tightened, and I groaned reaching out for him and pulling him tightly against me.
"Mattie, Mattie!" I cried as an intense burning feeling surged through my cock and over my body and I rammed my hips tighter against him with our hard cocks trapped between us.
"Luke, you're scaring me," Matt said, his eyes wide open with worry. "Are you alright?"
Breathing deeply, I could feel my muscles relaxing, and I ran my hands over Matt's smoothly muscled back and buttocks to assure him I was all right. When I released him, he moved away a little, and I could still see the worry in his eyes as he looked at me.
"You alright, Luke? What happened to you? There was all kinds of feelings going through me the faster I jerked on our cocks but then you went crazy ramming into me and squeezing me like you did."
"I don't know what happened, Mattie, but the faster you went the more it felt like my cock was going to explode, and all of my muscles started tightening up. I don't know why I pushed my hips into you; it just sort of happened. I didn't hurt you did I?" I asked, reaching for him.
Matt melted into my arms with his smooth body pressed against me. I could feel our still half hard cocks pressed together and, putting my fingers under his chin, I lifted his face to mine and looked into his eyes.
"You know how much I love you, Mattie," I whispered softly. "There is no way I ever would hurt or let anyone hurt you."
"I love you too, Luke; you just scared me that's all," he whispered softly. "I guess since you are older you were feeling more than I was, but it really did feel good."
"It really did," I said, laughing softly and moving my hands up and down over the rippling muscles of his back. "Where did you get the idea of squeezing our cocks together like that?" I inquired. "It felt fantastic."
"I dunno it just seemed natural. I liked it too; I could feel your heart beating and your cock throbbing," he said. "You don't think we have done something that would hurt us do you?"
"No, I don't," I answered. "We haven't hurt each other, but I don't think we should tell anybody about what we did. It'll be our secret."
"You wanna do it again Luke?" Mattie inquired, bubbling over with excitement.
"Not now, maybe later."
Matt and I stood holding each other and the shower water was getting a little cool when Gramps called.
"Hey, you boys about finished? Supper is almost ready."
Drying ourselves, and dressing quickly, we ran downstairs to the kitchen. Gramps was just sitting down when we burst in.
"Did you guys find any ticks on you?" He asked, turning toward us holding a large wooden spoon in his hand that he had been using to transfer potatoes to a crockery bowl.
"No, Gramps, no ticks, and we looked closely to be sure we didn't miss any," Matt said winking at me and grinning.
"Good," he replied turning back to his task. "Anytime you boys play in the hay loft, you best check each other close. Once a tick gets its head buried in your skin it can be a misery."
"Yes, Sir," we replied as we sat at the table.
Gramps joined us at the table, and as usual, we joined hands and Gramps said grace. He had fixed one of my favorite meals, a meal of ham, cabbage, and boiled potatoes; but I kept thinking about the way I felt in the shower, and my cock started getting hard. Matt must have known what I was thinking; he kept glancing at me with a wicked look in his eyes. We both were learning things about each other with each passing day.
Gramps woke me shaking my shoulder, and I tried rubbing the sleep from my eyes with the knuckles of my hands.
"It's getting late, Luke; are you feeling better this morning?"
"A little, yes, Sir," I replied, struggling to sit up in the bed. "What time is it?"
"It's going on nine o'clock, and I gotta help Lester put blankets on the horses before we let them out of the barns. It rained most of the night but no snow, at least not yet. It did stop raining a couple of hours ago, but it's getting colder, and the horses need some exercise. We need to stay with the pregnant mares though because we can't take a chance on losing one of the new foals. Got any plans for today?"
"No really but, I could help you and Lester," I said quickly.
"That's not necessary, Luke, we can handle the mares with no trouble," he replied, looking at me intently. "If you feel up to it, I'd appreciate it if you drove to the cemetery and see that they set Matt's stone in place the way that I wanted it set."
"I'd rather help you and Lester, Gramps, if it's okay." I said looking up at him.
He ran his fingers through my hair, his gray eyes watering a little. "Sure, Son," he said softly, "get dressed and come on down for some coffee."
I waited until he left my room before jumping out of bed naked. I wasn't a little boy any more, and my cock was half hard from needing to piss and from thinking about Mattie and what we had done as kids.
Matt had turned twenty in March, catching up a year on me until my birthday last June when I would be twenty-two. Physically, we both had improved considerably from working out in our school weight room, being engaged in athletics, and from working with Gramps on his farm.
Lots of people said we could pass for twins except I was ever so slightly taller than Matt, but we told everyone we were six feet tall since the difference was so slight as not to make any difference. We both had dark auburn hair, sapphire blue eyes and weighed a solid one hundred seventy five pounds of hard muscle.
Matt had excelled at basketball, baseball and swimming while I was better in soccer, football, and track. We had concentrated on doing light weightlifting routines so we could avoid bulging muscles. We both loved swimming, and like most things that we were involved in together, it always became competitive. I liked diving and, I excelled in it, but Matt was the better all around swimmer. He could dive well enough; but when he dove into the pool from the coping, he would cut through the water like a knife, daring me to catch him even though he knew I was the slower swimmer. We knew what we were capable of.
The one sport we both excelled at equally well was horseback riding. Gramps had taught us, from an early age, how we should sit, and control a horse. Only after many hours of practice under his watchful eye would he allow us ride over the farm alone. On several occasions when we were riding, Matt's wild streak would surface, and he would challenge me to a race even though he knew that Gramps would have a fit if he ever caught us racing one of his Morgan's.
Morgan's were not bred as racers, but they would when urged into it, and I was competitive enough to let Matt sucker me into a race. It was an exercise in futility since he always won, and, of course when Gramps saw the horses lathered up he would fuss at me for allowing it, exclaiming, "Luke, you're the oldest, and you should know better." Matt, standing out of Gramps line of sight, would look at me grinning, his beautiful blue eyes twinkling impishly.
The truth be known, Gramps didn't really get as mad as he let on since he knew we would never do anything to injure one of the horses. He loved his Morgan's equally as much as he loved Matt and me, and his fussing was more for effect than an admonition.
Thoughts of Mattie flooded back in on me and I gripped the edge of the washbasin, breathing hard, trying to keep the tears from my eyes - but not succeeding too well. "Mattie, Mattie..." I whispered softly, his loss crushing down on me. "I love you so much, what am I going to do without you?" I moaned, tears flowing, dripping from my chin into the sink. As miserable as I felt, when I heard Gramps calling, I knew that I couldn't let him see how I felt.
"Luke, you about ready boy? Lester is here. Get yourself some coffee, and come on out to the barn, we'll be with the mare's first."
"I'll be right there, Gramps." I hollered, quickly washing my face and pulling on my jeans along with one of my sweatshirts.
Running pell-mell down the stairs that Matt and I had run up and down for years, I burst into the empty kitchen. While I peeled a banana and ate it, I glanced out of the kitchen window and I could see them walking toward the barn. Drinking a quick cup of hot coffee, I grabbed my jacket and bolted through the door.
Gramps was right; it was getting colder, much colder. I hesitated for a moment wondering if I should run back up to my bedroom and put on some shorts or long-johns when, in the recesses of my mind, I heard Mattie laughing at me, and saying as he always would when he saw me trying to be logical, "Come on ya big sissy, it ain't that cold." I ran on toward the barn.
The main doors of the barn were locked, but Gramps had opened the smaller access door that led through the tack room into the barn. The musty sweaty smell of leather smacked me in the face when I opened the door. The tack room was where; I was jerking Mattie off when he had his first ejaculation. After that day the tack room became our favorite place to jerk each other off.
Swinging the door open into the main barn, I saw that Gramps and Lester in the holding pens with two of the pregnant mares. They were being very careful as they placed thick blankets over their backs and buckled the holding straps under their distended bellies. When I opened the pen gate to step inside and join them, Gramps held his hand up waving me off, and I backed out securing the latch behind me.
Moving slightly to the side of the gate, I stood on the bottom rail with my arms over the top railing watching and wondering why Gramps had waved me off. I could see that he and Lester didn't really look like they needed assistance with the mares, but I felt as if I had to be doing something, anything at all would help keep my mind off of Matt.
"They are a little skittish, Luke," he said quietly as he walked toward me, pulling his gloves off. "I know you know horses, but you better let Lester and me take care of this. Sunglowis getting really close to her time, and from the way she is dilating and running water, she could drop her foal at any time. Why don't you throw some fresh hay down from the loft so we can make beds in the pens; that'll be a big help."
Climbing the same ladder that Matt and I had climbed hundreds of times, I grabbed a pitchfork and started pitching hay down into the pen where Gramps and Lester were working. I couldn't help but smile to myself, and think of the times that we had hid in the loft and jerked each other off after we learned what masturbation was, and I felt my cock starting to harden.
Everywhere I looked was somewhere that Matt and I had been together making love and doing things on the farm that we both loved. Gramps had always said that one day the farm would be ours since we were the last Lawrence boys. It never entered into my mind that it might be mine without - Matt.
Boyhood memories were everywhere that I looked, I couldn't shake the feeling of sadness that filled me, and I was trying to suppress the all to realistic memories when I heard Gramps calling out to me.
"Luke, Luke boy, you all right?"
"Sorry Gramps," I replied quickly. "I was just remembering when Matt and I used to pitch hay down from here. It seems so long ago now."
"Well, not that long ago but, that's enough hay for now so, you come on down."
As I was climbing down the ladder I heard Lester ask Gramps,
"Is Luke gonna be alright, Walter? He looks like he is taking Matt's passing pretty hard."
"He'll be alright Lester, it just takes time. Him and Matt were like two peas in the same pod and that'll take some getting over. Did you put Matt's horse 'Runner' in the barn behind your place?"
"Yes, sir, I did it other day, while you and Luke were at the undertakers," Lester answered, glancing up at me coming down the ladder. "Milt and I penned him like you said. Are you gonna keep him?"
"I'm not sure, Lester, that depends on Luke." Gramps answered softly, glancing in my direction. "I'll let you know when it's decided."
I reached the bottom of the ladder not letting on that I had heard them talking about what had happened to the horse that had thrown Matt. Runnerwas a gorgeous chestnut stallion, and it hadn't even crossed my mind until then, but I didn't say anything, as I walked toward the pens.
"Is there anything else I can do, Gramps?" I asked as I approached him and Lester.
"Yes, there is one thing that I would like done, Luke, but it's up to you," he said, hesitating and looking at me intently. "I'd like to be sure Matt's stone gets set properly. When I talked with Groomes, he told me that Billy would get it set today but I'm not that sure he will. The way the temperature has dropped, it may be too cold to pour the concrete for the base if they haven't started by now."
I knew what he was going to ask before he said it. I knew he was concerned about the stone being set, and I didn't want to disappoint him even though I really did not want to go back to the cemetery just yet. "Okay, Gramps, I'll do it," I said, suppressing my reluctance without anymore dissent even though, I knew as well as Gramps did that if Groome Williams said his son Billy would set the stone, it would be set come hell or high water.
"Good, Boy," he exclaimed, clapping my shoulder as he said it. "You had better use one of the pickups. I don't know what you call that thingamajig you drive, but I'm pretty sure it won't make it on that road. Be careful and don't be gone long."
"Yes sir," I replied softly.
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