I can't figure out why I'm sleepwalking. I've never done it before. When I woke up tonight I was downstairs, in the bathroom, on my butt on the floor. I had a bruise on my forehead, and it hurt. I remember a dream in which I was running, and I fell. That's when I woke up. But this is supposed to be a happy time. I should be happy, sleeping, rested. And I'm not...

The next few days we spent together, but not always. I had promised I'd help Becky Decker pick out a birthday present for her dad. We went shopping at both hardware stores, a jewelry store and a men's store. Obviously she had no idea what to get him. Since they lived on a farm and he did a lot of the maintenance on their equipment, she thought something along the automotive line would be good. But he had almost everything she could afford. She decided on a pocket watch. Mr. Decker was a nice dresser, and on Sundays he put on his best clothes for church. She got him a watch for him to slip into his vest pocket. It wasn't a great watch, but it had a nice design on the cover.

When we were done we went to get a malt. There was a soda shop downtown, believe it or not, called Snyder's, and lots of kids hung out there. But that afternoon, we were the only kids there. A few adults were having coffee.

"Sure," I replied, taking a spoonful of malt. They were so thick there you had to about suck your brains out to get any through the straw. (Mental note: Practice for Danny by drinking malts at Snyder's.) It was easier to start with the spoon till they melted a little.

"Do you think you and Danny will ever be friends again?" she asked. I choked on the malt.

"Jeez, you guys haven't spoken since before school got out. I've never seen you apart for so long. What did you guys fight about anyway?"

Oh, god. I hate lying. I really do. I don't do it well. And I don't feel good afterward, either.

"Yeah, and we promised we wouldn't discuss it any more." Okay, one little lie. I can handle that one.

"WHAT? I mean, what?" Several heads turned to look, but most must have had their hearing aids turned down. "What do you mean 'a prick?'"

"Well you were," she insisted. "You never laughed any more, you were always in a bad mood. And that night at my party, you were really out of it. What got into you that night?"

Just then the door opened - it had a little bell that tinkled when it opened. Yeah, I know. Small town, remember?

"They split up a month ago. It looks like they're back togeth......" She stopped and looked at me with wide eyes. "Back together," she said slowly.

I made that loud, rattling, slurping noise you get when you reach the bottom of your shake through a large straw. The really, really loud one. Becky cringed.

Danny had a basketball camp to attend during a couple of days. It was at the local junior college. I rode out there with him each morning on my bike - my good one was fixed - and watched him go inside.

While he was there I hung out with some of the other guys. Richie, Kyle and Greg were all guys from our neighborhood, and we had all pretty much grown up together. My folks moved to the neighborhood when mom was pregnant with me and the subdivision was brand new. Fifteen years later the trees were maturing at the same time we were. We were all good friends, but we sort of divided up over the years. Danny and me, Richie and Kyle, and Greg just sort of hung out with everyone. I don't mean that Richie and Kyle were like Danny and I were now. They were just real good friends, and the five of us did a lot of stuff together. They knew about the swimming hole, played in our neighborhood baseball games, went to the same schools, things like that.

"What the hell do you mean by that?" I asked with just a little more anger than was called for.

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, we patched things up." Sounds like a stuck CD, doesn't it? It's the only answer I could come up with. I honestly didn't know what else to tell people. Saying as little as possible seemed the best route.

"Yeah, well I'm glad," Kyle said. "You were gettin' weird." Jeez, enough character assassination.

"Yeah, you were. You never wanted to do anything. You've been no fun at all this summer."

We rode over to Greg's. He had a long, double-wide driveway with a basketball hoop and backboard above the garage.

We played about two hours, until we were covered in sweat. Richie and Kyle won three games, Greg and I just one. Greg and Richie went in to get some pop and something to eat.

"Neither can I. That's why he's at camp and I'm not. Or maybe I can't play that well BECAUSE I'm not at camp," he laughed.

"Can't tell you," I said for the second time that day. It was like the Inquisition.

Had I dodged another bullet? Richie and Greg came out with Cokes and chips. I was home safe.

We joked around for another half hour, and then I got up to ride out to the junior college and meet Danny.

By late afternoon, it was one of those beastly hot Midwestern days, with the humidity thick in the air. The college was on the edge of town, surrounded by corn and soybean fields. The joke around here was that the humidity was tough on people, but it was great for the corn. Fuck the corn, I thought, as I rode past it on the edge of the highway, I want it to cool off.

"The hell with that," he said. "I'm gonna ride nice and slow. You ride ahead so I can watch you."

"Sshhhhhh!" Jeez. We're gonna get caught, I know it. "God, Danny, let's just go."

We rode in silence for a while. I had a lot to think about. I mean, Becky and then Kyle. Did they see something I didn't want them to? How could they? Danny's mom, too. I checked the mirror that morning. There was no giant "G" on my forehead. Was I acting different? Gay? I wasn't really sure how gays acted. We didn't have any in my town. Not that I knew of.

"Into the shower, both of you," Mrs. Shaw said as soon as she saw us. "Don't touch a thing with those sweaty bodies until you're clean."

We went into Danny's room, and immediately he grabbed me around the waist. We kissed, long and short ones, till we were down to little smacks.

"Okay, I was busy, but every time the coaches started to explain something, I thought of you."

"No, she said 'Into the shower, both of you.' She didn't say anything about at the same time."

"Just a little on the noisy side. It was sexy and all, but there wasn't anyone home to hear you. I think it might not be as sexy with your mom down the hall."

"Party pooper," he said. But he got me back. He stripped his shirt over he head seductively, pulling it just above his belly button. He twisted it back and forth around his torso a couple of times, hid his navel, then revealed it again. I was already hard. He slowly slid it up over his abs, which were fairly well developed. His tummy was flat, smooth, tasty and I knew how it felt on my fingers and my tongue. Then he stopped just before he got to his nipples, began to lower the shirt again, twisted it back and forth around him, then raised it again so half his nipples showed, just below the hard nibs. He lifted it over his left nipple first, then his right, trailing his thumbs over them, just where I wanted my tongue to be. In fact, I think I involuntarily wet my lips when he did it. As he pulled his shirt over his head, he raised his arms and his whole body stretched, making him even leaner, sexier, more desirable.

He slid both hands into his shorts, down his jock strap, and began rubbing himself. God. I was just gonna burst. I knew it. My balls would explode, coat the whole room in white goo, and I'd be lying in the middle, dead; the first known victim of self-exploding gonads. He rubbed his erection some more, then pulled it up so the very tip of that slender, delicious head peaked above the waistband. He used the backs of his hands to pull his shorts down, and once over those sweet butt cheeks, they fell to the ground. That left only his jock strap hiding the treasure, with a hint of his magnificence peaking above. Then he rubbed his thumb around the top of the head back before taking it in his fingers and rubbing the whole head back and forth across his stomach. He thrust his hands down into the jock strap again and massaged his balls in there. I knew there couldn't be much to massage, since the strap had held him bound for about six hours. Again he used the back of his hands to lower the strap, and again it pooled at his feet. That left only his Nikes and socks. But now he did a slow turn, so his back was to me. Then he bent over to untie his shoes. I gazed in amazement at his sweet ass. Firm, but pliable. I wanted it in my hands, but I knew there was trouble in that. And as he bent over, the pink puckered hole came into view. It was something I'd never seen before. And I wanted it. My cock was straining against my shorts and I wanted Danny so bad. He wiggled his butt as he untied his right shoe, then straightened up, and did the whole thing over again to untie his left. I had never seen anything so erotic before. To this day I remember every move - right shoe, then left. He turned around to face me again, sat on the floor, and unrolled his left sock down his calf, over the heel, down the arch, past the ball, and off his toes. Those tender toes. He repeated with his left, and as his toes came into view, I grabbed a pillow, hugged it to my mouth, thrust my hips forward and came. Again in my shorts. Again in front of Danny. But not in front of anyone else.

As I fell back onto the bed, Danny giggled, grabbed his robe and went to the shower.

I think when he got back and said it was my turn he expected me to put on a similar show. But I didn't. I just walked down to the bathroom, closed the door, stripped my soggy shorts off with the rest of my clothes, turned on the shower, pulled the curtain closed behind me and let the water beat away some of my tension. The water in our town was really, really soft, and a little soap made a mountain of bubbles. I scrubbed myself all over. When I went to wash my hair I was confronted with two kinds of shampoo - one for his mom and one for the guys. I chose the guy shampoo.

I knew I had stayed in too long when the water started getting cold, and turning up the hot didn't help. I rinsed my hair in lukewarm water, then shut everything off and stood there dripping dry. Danny had been nice enough to get a towel for me, and I dried myself, wiped some of the steam off the mirror and tried to comb my hair. I wrapped the towel around me, gathered up my dirty clothes and went back to Danny's room. I'd stayed over so much that his mom had a spare supply of my clothes, and I dressed unembarrassed in front of Danny, who was lying on his bed reading a computer gamer magazine. I sat down next to him.

He looked up and into my eyes. He had a pissed-off expression, but as he looked at me, he softened.

I told him about my conversations with Becky and with Kyle. I told him I was afraid people were already suspecting something about us. I told him maybe people could see something in me, and that they would connect us.

"Danny, if they haven't figured it out already, they're going to. How about your parents? And my parents? And Charlie?"

"Justin, I don't know. I wish I could tell you everything was going to be all right. I wish I could tell you it was going to remain a secret for ever. That we'd never have to tell anyone, and that we'd live happily ever after. Some people do, you know. They never tell anyone they're gay. But I don't know what's going to happen to us."

He got up and walked over to his window. It looked out to their back yard, where there was a rusting swing set and a bare patch of lawn that used to hold a sandbox. In the corner, a big maple tree grew. We used to climb it when were younger.

"Justin, I want to tell my parents. I need to. But I won't if you don't want me to."

I didn't know what to say. Maybe it would be good to have allies in this. But what if they weren't allies? What if they turned against us?

"I am. Justin, I've known you forever. I know every single thing about you. I know what you did most of those days after our fight. I know how you lie when you fall asleep. I know what finger you pick your nose with. I know how long your finger nails get before you bite them off." (Bad habit - I'm working on it.) "I am in love with you."

"No, Justin, it's not hormones. It's not infatuation. I've known you too long. I would have gotten over it by now. I love you because you are Justin Christopher Reynolds. I love your sense of humor. I love how you love to compete, but not blindly. I love how you balance your life. I love your concern for others. I love your brilliance in English and how you struggle in math. I love the way you part your hair. I love how you took care of me after the accident. I love how you've given me a second chance. I love our conversations. I love the silence. I love your knees. I love....I love your touch, Justin. I Love You."

I could have said those same things about Danny. He's better at math than English, and his knees don't do a thing for me. Those toes, though. And he never parts his hair. And doesn't bite his finger nails. But he is such a good person. So were Kyle and Richie and Greg. But not in the same way. We all had a mischievous streak, don't get me wrong. We had a lot of fun. A lot of it. But I knew everything about him. I loved him.

Danny was still looking at me, and I at him. I stood up and walked to him, put my arms around him and drew him toward me for a deep kiss.

"Okay, Danny. I trust you. I love you. I'm scared, though. What if what I feel isn't love. What if it's infatuation? What if it's just the sex? What if I fall in love with a girl? What if I'm not really gay? Cuz, Danny, I know I love you. But I don't know if...." I couldn't find the words.

"If it's a total commitment love," he finished. His eyes were locked on mine. I nodded.

"I don't care, Justin. I know teenage loves don't usually last. We may drift apart. And you're right, maybe you're not gay. But I know one thing: I love you. I do, Justin. And if you love me now, that's fine. If you love me forever, that's great. And if you fall in love with another, all I ask is that you tell me and not lead me on. I'll fight for you, but I'll let you go if it's what you want."

God, what have I done with my life to deserve that? How could I not make a commitment? I pulled him close for another kiss, tender, lots of tongue, saliva, the whole bit. Then we just held each other, standing in his room.

"You're always welcomed to eat here, but I'm glad you're spending time at home. She looked at the two of us standing there.

"Nothing. You're just both getting so big." She sighed, just like Danny. She came into the room. "We have to be gone part of the weekend, Danny. I was just thinking, if you don't want to go, we can leave the two of you here. Justin, your folks will be home, won't they?"

"Well, Danny probably doesn't want to come, and I don't want to burden your folks. If it's okay with them, Danny can stay home, and you can stay with him, if you two promise to behave."

"Wow, thanks, mom," Danny shouted, jumping in the air. He hugged her. "Wow. Home alone! Wow!"

"I hope you're old enough. I'll tell Justin's parents to keep an eye on you two so you don't burn the house down. We'll leave Saturday morning, and be back Sunday afternoon. Come on and eat."

When she left, Danny planted his lips on me. "Woohooo! Two days together, all alone. Wow."

I giggled, gave him another kiss, and went home. We had ham and baked beans. I love that. And homemade bread. It was from a bread machine, but homemade is homemade. Afterward, dad took us for ice cream.

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Journey of Love

Chapter 8