Out of the Closet

by Victor Thomas

Chapter 4

Kenny

I waited for Chris in front of the football field house when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I didn't need to read the message to know who had sent it. At the same time, one of the buses arrived to pick up the students who lived outside of town. I watched as the students stepped in, before I checked what my girlfriend had written.

'Hey babe! Free later? Haven't seen you in forever.'

We had eaten tacos for lunch together a few hours ago, but apparently that was forever for Hannah. Or maybe I had spent too much of that time talking about video games with Chris. What if she wanted to discuss her things, whatever they were?

Only when the boy looked back at me did I notice I was staring at a boy sitting on the bus. Why was it so hard to reply to my girlfriend? After a heavy sigh, I started to type that Chris was going to come over. I hesitated to suggest that she meet me tomorrow. It would make her happy, but soon my finger held the backspace and deleted the message word by word.

The sound of footsteps interrupted me, and I raised my head to notice Javier walking toward me. I scanned him from head to toe, his red t-shirt emphasizing his muscular chest and brown skin, and his light blue ripped jeans were something I had always wanted, but my mother would never allow me to wear to school.

Why is he smiling and staring at me I wondered, and I checked my clothes. My shirt was clean, and as far as I could tell, without giving it too much attention, the fly on my jeans was zipped. I gave him a shy smile, trying to make it look friendly and not creepy.

From the corner of my eye, I followed him when he passed me and continued behind the building. The tight jeans hugged his butt and made it impossible for me not to steal a glance or two. It wasn't the first time I had paid attention to him, or the other good-looking boys in school.

Feeling frustration growing in my body, I texted Hannah back.

'Sorry, I'm busy today. See you tomorrow at school.'

There was a new Xbox game waiting for Chris and me in my room, and I was eager to try it out, not the least because my mother wasn't home. Not that she didn't like my best friend, but we could use the living room, use the big TV and turn the volume up to a level she wouldn't approve of.

A group of guys came from the locker room and headed for the Hornet's Nest , which is only about a block from the football field. I recognized all of them as Chris' teammates, even though I seldom hung around with the jocks. Luckily, I had known him for years before he became one of them. We were in the first grade when the curly haired boy wearing a Mickey Mouse t-shirt had asked me if it was okay to sit next to me. I had nodded, and we had been friends ever since.

What's taking so long I thought. I looked around but didn't see him coming. I was pretty sure we had agreed to meet after football practice. Even Coach Barrett came out of the locker room and walked to his car.

I took my phone to check for messages from Chris, but there was only one new message from Hannah. The sad face of the smiley showed that she disliked my reply. To be honest, I couldn't blame her. We need to talk, but not today, I decided, and then I saw him coming.

"Hey," he said, jogging up.

"Finally. Where have you been?" I asked. "I've been waiting for like ages or something."

He sighed.

"Shit! Coach made me clean the locker room," he said, throwing his hands up. "And it smells like shit in there."

"Why? What did you do?"

"Javier got offended when I called Bryan a faggot for stealing my towel."

I looked down and rubbed my elbow. I let out a nervous laugh while thinking of what to say. Finally, I asked what was burning in my mind.

"Is Javier gay or something?"

"Yeah, who would've guessed queers like to play football," he said.

I looked around and saw that Javier was coming back and approaching us. Chris turned his back to him and suggested we leave for my house. I didn't manage to reply before Javier opened his mouth.

"Hey, guys," he said. "If you're leaving, would you mind if I hitch a ride with you?"

"Why don't you drive your own car?" Chris asked, still not looking at him.

"The front tire is flat."

Avoiding eye contact with his teammate, Chris muttered, "sorry, I've got to study. My stuff's in the library."

I followed the conversation as confusion filled my mind. Since when had he started studying in the library? He rushed toward his car and tore out of the parking lot. I was suddenly standing there with Javier, who was staring at me with his brown eyes. He flashed me a crooked smile.

"Are you going to help me, or do you need to study too?"

"Um… sure," I said. "I mean, I can give you a lift home."

"Thanks, man."

We walked over to where my car was parked under a big tree. The entire walk there, I tried to come up with something to say, but felt tongue tied. Not that I was the most talkative guy in my class, but Javier walking next to me made me nervous in a way I couldn't explain.

"Sorry about Chris," I blurted out when we approached my blue Honda Civic.

I was mad at my friend, but even more, I couldn't stand the silence any more.

"Not your fault," he said. "Chris was busy… with his studies."

He slowed his walking and said nothing. He waited until I had found the key and unlocked the doors. I tried to make eye contact, but he was clearly avoiding it. Finally, I gestured for him to take the passenger seat and sat myself behind the steering wheel.

I sat my phone on the console near the gearshift and started the engine. I put the car in reverse and backed up slowly, looking at the mirrors. Two times I hit the brake far too hard, when other players drove behind me, but finally I got the car out of the parking space. When I turned to the road, my phone shifted on the slippery surface of the console. We both tried to catch it, and our hands touched. The phone fell between his thighs, and he dug it up and handed it back to me.

"Thanks," I said.

When I took the phone, his fingers touched my hand again. Did he do that on purpose?"

"They vandalized my car," he said.

"Huh? Why?" I asked, and looked at the dark-haired athlete.

He stayed quiet and lowered his gaze to his lap, which gave me an excuse to glance at his jeans too. The voice inside my head told me that my interest wasn't innocent, and I turned my head away as soon as I found myself studying his crotch too long. All boys compare, don't they, I rationalized and focused on the road again.

"They painted 'FAG' on the car," he said, looking out the side window.

I nodded. I had guessed from his body language it was something like that. Some kids could be idiots. Luckily, most of them matured when they grew up.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"You did it?"

"What? No! I just…"

"Relax, dude. I'm just kidding," he said, poking me in the shoulder.

I turned left out of the football field and got a chance to look at the traffic coming from the right and at the boy sitting next to me. He was smiling, and there was intriguing confidence in his brown eyes. He had just come out, and despite every stereotype I had ever heard, he looked nothing but masculine.

Even though he was an athlete, there was still something about him that was different. It was something that made me curious. He didn't seem like a guy who spent his free time studying and learning. But what kind of guy was he? The closer we got to his neighborhood, the more I wished I wasn't dropping him off yet. We had known each other for several years, but I wanted to know my new friend better. Or were we even friends?

"It's this street," he said.

I almost sighed out of disappointment. I turned onto a street lined with old houses, some of them freshly painted, and some of them a bit shabby. He pointed to a house a few hundred yards ahead of us, and I parked the car in front of the house. It was quite old and could definitely have used some paint and a new railing for the steps.

He seemed to have something on the tip of his tongue to say, but I couldn't tell what it was.

"Let me know if…" I blurted out, but my words trailed off.

"If I need a lift again," he said, opening the door. "Sure. And thanks for the ride."

If you would like to hang around with me some time, I thought, and my eyes followed him walking to his house. He swung open the door and disappeared inside without looking back. Suddenly, the car felt empty, and I knew exactly why.