Outed

by Victor Thomas

Chapter 19

The damndest thing happened as I was getting ready to leave school at the end of the day. From now on, until I leave for Aunt Sandra's house during Thanksgiving break, either Mark, Ryan, or one of my other remaining friends have decided to take me home and pick me up in the morning to keep me safe from another beating. I hated to put them out, but I also really appreciated them.

Anyway, just as I was closing my locker, Todd, my former best friend and slowly becoming my friend again, walked up to me. He looked a little nervous as he approached. He had actually come to see me in the hospital the first time I was there, and apologized for his role in everything. I still don't quite trust him, although we are slowly getting past all that.

"Scott, I know I've said it several times already, but I really am sorry about everything that happened between us," he said. "Would you possibly be up for a movie tonight, and then dinner afterward. I'll understand if you don't want to. Please."

I eyed him suspiciously for a second.

"I'm sort of under house arrest right now," I told him. "Dad walked out the other night, so I'll have to clear it with my mom. I'll call you later and let you know."

"Thanks," he said. "That's all I can ask. I just want to try and make things right between us, if that's even possible. I'm sorry those guys got to you again, and I promise that I'll keep an eye on them from now on."

"Thanks," I said. "I've got to go. Mark is waiting to take me home, but I'll call you later."

With that, I grabbed my backpack and headed for the door. I got to Mark's truck and climbed in.

"Todd just asked me if I wanted to go to a movie with him later," I said. "Then we'll eat afterward. I'm not sure what to think. I still don't completely trust him."

"I think you should," he said. "He's talked to me a few times and Ryan has also talked with him. I think he really is sorry about everything he said to you and about you. He actually had tears in his eyes the last time I talked to him, if you can believe that."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes, really. You guys were best friends for over twelve years, and he misses you, Scott. You should give him a chance."

"I think I will," I said. "If I can convince mom to let me go that is."

"Is your dad still gone?"

"He was this morning, but mom seems to think he'll eventually come around. Him and I used to be close and I miss that. If not, it's his loss."

Ten minutes later, he dropped my off at home. Mom still wasn't home from work, so I grabbed something to eat and drink and headed to my room to start my homework. I don't know why I bother since I'm leaving this school next week to move to Blackford to live with my Aunt Sandra.

I've also got some payback to do, but I'm still trying to figure out how to do it. I'm still not fully recovered from this last beating, so that may not come until later, but it will happen, one way or another.

Mom finally got home about four thirty, and I went out into the living room to see her.

"Todd asked me to the movies tonight," I said. "Is it okay if I go?"

She hesitated.

"I don't know, Scott. You and him have been fighting over the last couple of months. Besides, your father doesn't like you running around at night."

Little did they know. Brian and I have been meeting up several nights a week ever since all this started, usually at an old abandoned house on the other side of the river. Unfortunately, they found out after the last time when I came home after having been beaten and raped. That's when dad had left.

"He isn't even here anymore," I said.

"I talked to him earlier and he'll be back later after he gets off from work," she said. "I've already told him I'm not going to allow him to hit you or anything like that. He agreed."

"Please, mom!" I begged. "Todd apologized and wants to be friends again. He'll pick me up here. We'll probably eat out and then see a movie. I'll be with him the whole time. He might even bring his girlfriend too."

"He has a girlfriend?" she asked suspiciously.

I knew what she was doing. She was making sure Todd wasn't gay.

"He's going with Stephanie Adams."

I knew he wasn't going to bring her, but I knew what she wanted to hear.

"Maybe he can find you a nice girl, too," she said hopefully.

She just wouldn't give it up. My parents were determined that I wouldn't be gay. I felt like screaming, but I played it cool, because I really wanted to go out with Todd.

"Maybe," I said, playing along. "Todd knows a lot of girls."

That seemed to appease her and she agreed to let me go.

I quickly called Todd before she could change her mind, and he arrived ten minutes later and we took off toward Joplin.

To say that the conversation was awkward would be an understatement. I just don't know what to think. He apologized as soon as I got into the car and a couple of more times before we got to the theater. There was also a lot of silence between us.

We ended up seeing Ocean's Eleven , a new movie that had just came out, about a group of guys attempting to rob a casino in Las Vegas. Not very realistic, but a good movie never the less, and Brad Pitt was certainly a nice piece of eye candy to look at.

Afterward, we went to Parrot's Pizza , less than a mile from the mall. We ordered a large meat lovers pizza and drinks and talked some more while we ate.

"I don't want to freak you out, Todd," I told him, "but I used to love you. I suppose part of me still does, but I just don't know what to make of things right now. I want to be friends again, but I'm not sure if I completely trust you."

He looked up in surprise and laughed.

"Thanks. I love you too, Scott. We were best friends since we were five years old and my own stupidity ended that. I know I keep saying it, but I really am sorry about everything."

"No," I croaked, a tear breaking loose. "I was in love with you. And I had been for about the last three years."

"Oh," was all he said.

"I never planned on telling you," I continued. "I never really wanted you to find out. But it's the most important part of what I'm about to say, because that's what this is really about. Feelings. I'm not some sick pervert or whatever else you or the other guys might think. The sexual stuff… I guess that's part of it too. But really, the only difference between you and me is who I fall in love with."

He was starting to look uncomfortable and started to get to his feet.

"I'm not…" he started to say.

"I know," I said. "I never expected anything from you. I loved you just the way you were, Todd. You were perfect, at least in my mind. I never wanted you to change for me. I just need you to be my friend like we were before, because I can't…" I struggled to get the words out as I began to cry. "I can't imagine my life without you."

He rushed over to my side of the booth and sat down beside me, putting his arm around my shoulder.

I raised my head. How many times had I fantasized about this moment? This is when he would say what I had always wanted to hear. And then we would kiss. But oddly enough, I didn't need that anymore, especially now that I had Brian.

"Look at me," he said. "When I first started to suspect that you were gay, I guess I did get freaked out a little. I guess a part of me thought you might try to put the moves on me, even though you had never once done anything like that. And maybe I got a little jealous as well. First you had Allison, and then all those other girl's wanting you as well. I wanted a girlfriend, but couldn't seem to find one. Then, you and Brian started hanging out more and more and I guess I thought you had forgotten about me. I guess after a while I began to suspect you might be gay, but I was never really completely sure until Coach Benson outed you that day."

"That's a day I'll never forget," I said. "That was the day my life started going to hell, and it's only gotten worse since then."

"I bet. Coach had no business saying that shit. But anyway, I overreacted and really hated you, and I guess I just went along with the crowd. But I hope you can one day find it in your heart to forgive me, Scott."

"You're my best friend," he continued, "and you always will be. Always! Do you hear me?"

I nodded with a sob.

He pulled me close, hugging me like a python. I clung just as tightly to him, crying into his shoulder. Why did he always smell so good? I felt his hand clutch my shirt, as if needing to comfort me. I tried to pull it together, if only for his sake.

"We're, okay?" he said when finally releasing me.

"Yeah," I said. "I think so. But I guess I still need to actually say it to you."

He nodded encouragingly.

"Yeah, man, you should."

I stared into dark eyes that were filled with kindness. He made is too easy. In fact, I might not have accepted the truth if not for him, because the love he inspired was impossible to ignore. So, I stated the conclusion that those feelings had led me to.

"I'm gay."

"And I'm cool with it now," he replied. "Three months ago, I might not have been if you'd told me, but I've had a lot of time to think about it, and I've done a little research, so I know it's not something you chose."

"Thanks," I said.

By now he had moved back over to his side of the booth and we were both eating pizza again.

"For what it's worth, if I was gay, I'd go out with you," he said.

"Thanks," I said, "but I already have a boyfriend."

"Oh yeah, Brian," he said. "Dude, he's so hot. Wow… have you done it yet? I bet he's got a big one."

"Oh my god, shut up," I said, pushing his shoulder playfully. "You know we've done it. That's what started this whole mess when my dad busted us. And just so you know, he's got about six inches. I measured it once, so I know."

"Oh my god, too much information," he said, laughing. "Do you love him? What you said about me… I kind of like it actually. It's flattering. But what about Brian?"

"I love him," I said without hesitation. "And I love you. It's weird, but I can deal with it."

"Good," he said. "I don't want you getting hung up on me when you've got such a great guy on the line."

I would always be hung up on him. For the rest of our lives, which it sounded like we would continue to spend together. Thank goodness I've got my best friend back.

"I mean, I know I've got a hot body," he said with a toothy grin, "so it's probably for the best that we're both taken. Still, it must have been hard to sleep next to me at night. How did you manage to keep your hands to yourself?"

"I didn't," I said. "You're a really heavy sleeper. We've already done it a few dozen times. You just weren't awake for it."

"So, that's why I always woke up feeling so relaxed when you stayed over." He reached over and touched my hand for just a second. "Okay, enough joking around. I want to know how you and Brian are getting along. Tell me everything. Just don't go into too much detail."

"Only if you tell me about you and Stephanie."

I stared at his handsome face, my heart pounding for him like it often had before, but this time it felt different. Lighter. Happier. I meant what I had said earlier. I didn't want him to change. Not even for me. I would though, in a good way, because I was finally free to be myself around my best friend.