A story (C) 2002/2003 by ZUSTARA ORUR. Contact address: firstname.lastname@example.org 2.0 May not be redistributed, commercial use prohibited!
English is a second language to me, so please excuse any goofs present herein regarding grammar, spelling. I try to do the best I can!
Legal mumbo-jumbo BS: this story features explicit descriptions of sexual acts between consenting male youths. The story is fictional, and only took place in my mind. If this sort of thing bothers you; you are under-age (and anybody cares about it); reading this story happens to be illegal wherever you may be right now; etc, please STOP READING. I won't get in trouble, but you might, who knows. If all is hunky-dory, feel free to continue, if that is your wish.
Also note that this is a real STORY centering around love rather than sex, those mainly interested in long descriptions of copulation and such may want to look elsewhere.
SPECIAL DEDICATION: My love and sincerest gratitude goes out to Dwayne, Pointblue, Daniel, Caeru, Blue, Taryn, Leonard, Warp1, Ryan, Ratatosk, Michael, Odius, Squidsgerbil, Tamsyn, Maxy and Genesis, all of you listed in reverse order of appearance, just to be a bit different. *Grin!* Special thanks to Jalaki for approving my posts in a prompt and regular fashion, my close friend IOMfAtS for looking over my stories and hosting them on his incredible website and finally, Comicality for having created the Library forum. Visit it at http://www.voy.com/17262/, read a story and give an author some comments. We all love it, please come and share the fun!
Chapter Fifteen - Together:
Dad was a hundred percent clinical and efficient in handling the situation, knowing if he showed the smallest hint of emotion of any sort - anger, sympathy, kindness - I'd break. I was barely able to cope as it was, but I had to be strong. Strong, for Brazil's sake. I was the one who held him upright in the back seat of the car as we rode back home. I was the one that supported him when he nourished the shrubbery next to our front door with the contents of his stomach. I was the one that cleaned him up in the bathroom afterwards and took him to bed. My bed, with me.
I did it because I had to be strong, but I cried the whole time, dad keeping away on purpose as long as there wasn't some emergency. I made Brazil lay himself down in my bed still dressed in a white T-shirt (one that wasn't entirely brand new I could see) and a pair of his old green bikini briefs, he was only half conscious but still started to wriggle out of his clothes, mumbling to himself.
"Brazil - stop, okay. Stop."
"Nnh. Nnoo. Don' wanna...", he mumbled. As soon as I pushed his hands away they returned. Soon he was all naked despite my attempts to interfere, and then we lay down together, him on his back in towards the wall, and me on my side, facing away from him so he would not feel crowded or anything. It took him about two seconds, then I felt him roll over towards me and clumsily sling an arm over my body, only to pass right out again. I laid there, hearing his heavy drunken breathing that was like a thick haze of liquor, feeling his small, warm solid body next to mine, all inert and kinda gelatinous in his totally inebriated state. If I'd leaned back towards him, he'd flopped over on his back again, he was completely relaxed in a way we don't normally are even in our sleep. All the signs I had that he was even still alive was his breathing.
I didn't dare falling asleep. Not when he was in this condition, what if something happened? What if his heart stopped or something? What if...?
Thus, I laid there, and I started crying again. Crying like a baby, but only quietly mind you. I felt so horrible about the way I'd treated him, I'd only tried to do the right thing and look what I drove him to do! I should have stayed with him, I thought, only to turn right around again in my reasoning. If I'd stayed I would just have continued to push him into an even more uncomfortable position, I then thought. I felt like a rat in a cage, no way out no matter which way I turned...
I cried for so long, I can't tell myself how long it was, but it certainly felt like hours. I just knew all of a sudden I was sleeping, and Ali was with me again.
It was him, I'm sure of it. It was HIM, not some sub-conscious thought in my mind that turned into the image of him... It WAS him, and while he appeared to me in the most frightening shape possible, he didn't mean to scare me.
Sweet, beautiful Ali, his pretty cinnamon skin was completely pale like all color had been drained from him after death, like he'd been powdered with confectioner's sugar or something. He had long gashes in his arms all the way down from the elbow to the wrist on both arms, cuts deep down to the very core of his flesh, and his lower arms and hands were completely covered in arterial crimson-red blood.
He stood before me as if alive, though he wasn't, in some nether-place, not dream, nor reality. I was a bit scared, yet I was calm. Ali wasn't angry, in fact he smiled at me, sitting down in my lap and put his deep-red hands on my face. They smeared blood onto my skin, but it didn't feel unpleasant, he wasn't cold. He was warm.
'Nathanael... It's alright. You can love him. I won't blame you.'
I shook my head in a silent reply, feeling emotions pushing at me deep down under the surface.
'Nathanael... It is all right. You did more for me than anyone ever did. I owe you more than you will ever know, ever understand. You love me, but now it is time to give that love to someone else. It is all right. I won't be angry.'
I tried to shake my head again, but Ali was kissing my lips and caressing my face with hands covered with his own life. Kept kissing me and caressing me, whispering my name over and over...
'Nathanael... Love him and be with him...', Ali whispered as my dream faded and was replaced by someone else sitting on top of me, touching my face and kissing my lips, over and over and over...
"Love you, I love you, I love you, I love you...", I heard through the darkness of the night, a small kiss following each whispered declaration.
I stirred slightly as I woke up, smothering by velvety darkness in the night, and then all activity and movement stopped. I felt a lingering scent of alcohol in the air, though not nowhere near as strongly as the evening before. "You're drunk, Brazil, you don't know what you're saying. Go back to sleep...", I grumbled, though I wasn't really annoyed.
"Yes I am drunk, but only a little now. I still know what I feel though, and Nate, I know I love you..." I knew he leaned down towards me in the darkness of the night, even before I could feel his quick kiss on my lips. He paused a short moment. "Please... I need to hear it. I need to hear you say it too."
I was fully awake by then of course, and busy boning up in a hurry as well, even though it wasn't what I wanted. Brazil was anxious for my reply, but he could feel the change I went through as I started poking his naked bum through my underwear as he sat on me and it calmed him, relaxed him. "Brazil... You know how I feel-"
"Say it!" I jerked at hearing him yell like that. His voice should have been loud enough to wake my dad! "Oh please Nate, why won't you say it, it is okay. I'm not afraid of you, you must not be afraid of me! You promised you wouldn't be afraid!" His voice was filled with such enormous sadness and pain.
I hesitated. My boner was as hard as it had ever been with the boy of my dreams so close. He didn't make matters any easier, he had backed down his butt even more firmly on it, making it totally impossible for me to ignore which part of whom made contact with what. "But Brazil... You're not gay... How can I, how can you...?" My uncertainty made my dick start to lose its stiffness, and not just me took notice.
I felt his tears on my face. "Nate, I don't wanna be gay... I just wanna LOVE you, don't you understand?! Nobody's ever made me feel this way before! I don't CARE you're a guy. Why does this have to be so complicated for you when it isn't for me, can't you just say you love me back and forget we're both guys? I already know you love me, PLEASE, just say it..." He shuddered as he sobbed, feeling rejected and miserable, especially as my dick had gone down almost entirely from the confusion created by my inner struggle. "PLEASE", he repeated. "Just say it..." He shuddered as he sobbed unhappily and more tears fell and struck my skin.
I could not resist him any more, I could only hope he was telling the truth, that this was what he really wanted, as my hands reached for him, and then found him, gripping him at the waist. "Sshh, Brazil, I love you...", I said, and then my arms slithered up along his body and encircled his back, pulling him down on top of me. "Sweet Brazil, you know I love you", I whispered and then he shuddered.
"I stole it...", he suddenly admitted and withdrew himself a little again.
"What?", I asked, unsure of what he was talking about.
He swallowed kinda loudly, as if he was a little scared to proceed. "I lied about the poster... The Aaron Carter poster. You were right, I did steal it." He felt scared again, really scared. "I stole the clothes I wore yesterday too... They almost caught me, but I got away. I steal things, Nate. I'm a thief, that's all I'm good at."
"Ssshhh, it's alright my love", I said and pulled him down flat again onto my chest. "Don't worry, I love you okay?" He whimpered much like he'd done the weekend I'd stayed over, sort of a cross between when he'd been lying naked and satisfied on top of me in the garden, and the time we'd been sitting in his aunt's sofa and wanted me to put his arm around him... He whimpered again and fidgeted on top of me, feeling only half-safe. I did what I had to do, I did what Ali wanted me to do. I could feel Ali near me, nearer than ever before since his death. It was as if he sat with me in my bed together with us, silently urging me on. Urging me to take care of my sweet Brazil, because there was nobody else that could do it, because I was the only one that loved him...
"Let me feel it", Brazil whispered with emphasis and lifted himself off my groin so I could start to pull down my underwear. "I wanna feel it...now...!", came his kinda hoarse, loud whisper. Underwear came off, I flicked the thing down on the floor with my foot and Brazil lowered himself back onto my legs. I felt his cute soft dickie slither down in between my thighs. I rose my torso up from the bed and that made Brazil rise up from my chest. T-shirt literally flew away into a corner and then we leaned back down together as I held my hard-on pointing upwards, making sure it went up in between his thighs. The whimper that came out of his throat was nothing but full of ecstatic pleasure as he squeezed his thighs together on my stiffie and laid himself down fully on top of me, as naked as we both could possibly be. I wrapped my arms around him to hug him HARD, so hard - and he whimpered again out of pleasure and kissed my throat.
"Can you feel it now?", I asked, a kinda naughty edge to my voice.
All he did at first was sigh, and smile. I couldn't see it in the dark, but I knew it. I could sense it, in my heart. "Yeah. I can feel it, I can FEEL it... It feels so nice. Keep it there okay? Keep it there. Always..."
"Good." I didn't have to say anything more, that was all that was needed because I could believe him now. finally, when he said he wasn't gay yet still in love with me... His cute dickie was still as soft as ever, I felt it touch my titanium-strength shaft as I bored myself up in between his thighs. I could not possibly have felt as comfortable otherwise I think, but now I knew. It was true, he's not gay, but he loves me anyway!
Ali patted me softly in my mind, snuggling up to my side and staying close just like Brazil did. 'Now kiss him', Ali asked of me, so I did, and the reward was fantastic. I took my braided boy's head and put my lips to his, doing it real gentle-like, applying a light suction. He went "nnhhH" deep back in his throat and started kissing back right away, as if on instinct. I broke the kiss and immediately he asked, "Would you like to tickle me?", really shyly...
No need to answer. I just started kissing him again, kissing with total abandon now that it was alright to finally do it, ignoring the traces of spirits I could still detect on his breath and caressed his perfect, dimpled butt with just the tips of my fingers at first, making good on my promise to tickle! His skin reacted by prickling up and getting all goosebumpy, it was incredible!
He squirmed of pleasure on top of me while whimpering like a puppy, then our kissing deepened as I explored his backside more deeply as well, my dick hardened further still and I closed my eyes, content by knowing the one person in the world I desired the most was totally mine at last!
We kissed once for all the times I had previously wanted to kiss him but been denied it, and then we kissed twice that amount! Brazil loved to tickle me with his tongue, and he was really, really GOOD at it. He kissed me like a boy would his girlfriend, it was so sexy! We loved it so much we both stopped several times and just held each other, and actually wept a little just from the relief we felt. It had been such strain, loving him without knowing it was okay or not... We wept and asked each other if I really was his, if he was mine. 'Yes', was the simple answer. 'Yes', and 'I love you'...
It didn't matter he stayed soft the whole time, I caressed his butt and lower back and what I could reach of his thighs, he shivered from my 'tickles', kissed me more, and then I came as strongly as the last time I was naked with him in bed. I knew my seed would fly high up in the air and splatter down on his butt and his back as I held my hands on the sides of his ribcage. Knowing I was cumming all over him, all over another boy with reckless abandon made it feel naughty and even more intense, it felt as if I was about to pass out, as if I was ejaculating all of my soul along with my semen. I couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything except groan quietly and somehow live through that painful pleasure, my body as tense as a bowstring as I pumped so many times in just a few seconds... My first release of breath was just a guttural uttering, almost like the first groan ever back at the dawn of time, except a totally lust-filled one. I felt as if my heart was redlining, but Brazil seemed more content than ever: he was falling asleep again still perched on top of me. Poor little thing... I let my hands wander over his dorsal side and he was MESSY. It was at least as bad as the last time I came right on his butt, though it was more spread-out this time. He seemed to become even more content when I started rubbing my essence into his skin much like a lotion as I caressed his lovely young form, he was so sweet to touch!
We fell asleep together snuggled up in under the duvet. All my bedclothes would have to be changed in the morning, but who cares about such stupid things? I had my Brazil now, finally...
I gradually came to realize the night had gone, that I was curled-up in a ball and spooned by Brazil, and that his hard dickie had somehow made its way inside me during the morning. I felt the tip of his dickie had settled just inside the ring of muscle sealing off my butt hole and he seemed to be snoozing so softly, so sweetly. He was harder than a rock, and I just knew I had to push at him, so I pushed. Gently, slowly, making his shaft disappear inside me... Just as an amazing warmth filled me, I woke up with a start, orgasming, panting, shuddering of pleasure.
I had done it AGAIN! Was I never going to make it through a night without dreaming and spraying my boyseed all over my friend's firm sexy butt?! It was just like that first time we were in bed, me sleeping with my head on his back, my dick mashed into one of his buttocks, my body experiencing that thrilling rush of orgasm.
"Oh...god...", I heard myself mumble as the stream of semen abated down to just a slow trickle. Christ... I knew I didn't love Brazil MORE than I love Ali, but it was more okay to love Brazil. That seemed to make my body lose all inhibition, I cum so much every time I was with him, it was actually almost frightening in a way, yet...gloriously good too!
Brazil moved a little under me. "That, felt... Nice.", he said quietly. "Thank you."
My lips touched his lightly tanned back, my body still trying to recover. "How's the head, darling?", I said without even considering having another freak-episode just in case he'd forgotten all about yesterday. He said it had been nice, that meant it was okay...
He paused a short moment. "I haven't really checked yet, but I think it's horribly bad. I hate the day after, always have."
I sat up, taking him in my arms as I did, sitting behind him with my arms wrapped around his chest. Neither of us were bothered about the mess we were making of my bed. "Uh... Brazil... Have you done this before?"
He fell quiet, it was obvious he hadn't meant to tell me that. "Uh... A couple times", he whispered.
"How many?" He refused to speak, so I kissed his back again to make him continue.
"Four. Maybe five."
"So that's like six times in all?"
I could hear his frown on his voice. "No Nate. In total, and never this much before. I couldn't, or my aunt would have noticed."
"I didn't think you were out partying on Friday nights..." I said it as kindly and softly as I could, but he still tensed up.
"I'm NOT. I've never tried that before. The other times I just sat at home..."
"At HOME? By YOURSELF? But, why?!"
"Because I was lonely! Alright?!" His lip started quivering so I had to kiss him quick to stop it. Yuk. Morning breath, but at least no smell of booze anymore... Besides, he still tasted sweet, morning breath or not. "I just took a little from the top of each bottle so she wouldn't notice and she didn't... She never noticed! She'd be out on some fucking party or a premiere or something and so what if I had a headache the day after, it wasn't as if she cared or anything!"
I held him tight. "Ssshhh... My baby, you know I care, right? My baby, I love you so much."
He held back a sniffle. "I... I know. I love you too", he gasped, holding back another sniffle.
"Don't keep it in", I whispered. "Let go, if you have to."
"It's-it's okay", he said as he started sniffling. "I'm okay, I don't ha-have to cry." His chest heaved as he sobbed against my neck. "I really...don't need to cry, I'm fi-fine... Promise."
We held each other and cried more, both of us did, and we kissed too. After many tears and many kisses, he really did seem to be okay. Or better, at least. "Brazil, I'm sorry man but I think your aunt's going to care this time. You remember you broke her bottle...? It looked way expensive."
He nodded and then kissed me again real quick, right on my mouth. "Yeah, it was like eighty year old malt whisky, to say she's going to get real pissed would be the understatement of the century."
"It's all my fault", I whispered, feeling guilty as hell all of a sudden. "I shouldn't have treated you so bad, none of this would have happened."
"Nate, I think there's enough blame here to go around. Maybe some of it is you, and some of it is definitely me, and some is hers too. Nate, I just wanted some company, that's all... I... Uh, I saw you on Wednesday last week. You came walking through the corridor and Kurt was with you and I thought..." He shuddered. "Nate, I'm so sorry! I thought you didn't want to be with me anymore because I'm not gay, and I know Kurt's been looking at you, he likes you, you know, and I thought... Maybe you were his boyfriend and you loved him instead of me so I just walked away... Then I lied to you again. Nate, I'm so sorry, please forgive me!" We cried more together and I had to tell him many times I love him and not Kurt, only him, and he had to tell me too how much he loves me before we managed to calm down again. Then he continued his story. "Those guys I was with, they're some of my old friends from... Well, from way back when we were still friends. I said I could get some stuff to drink and asked if I could come with them tonight, I thought maybe they'd accept me that way." He shrugged like he wasn't sure anymore how the heck he could have reasoned that way, so I hugged him. "I... Uh, I saw you with Kurt and his friends all the past week and you all seemed to have such a good time, I guess I got a bit jealous of that because I don't have any friends at all anymore, except you, and when you weren't there... Like I said, he's been looking at you, and that made me really really jealous...!" I felt SO guilty when he said I hadn't been there, and it struck me, I hadn't. I never asked if my gayness or my presence bothered him, I just went ahead and ASSUMED it did! Damn, I felt like kicking myself... Then when he said Kurt had made him jealous my chest simply swelled with pride. Not of me, but of him! A straight guy getting all jealous over another guy looking at his friend, damn. It made another part of me swell too...! I gave him a good jab in his stomach with my dagger and he grinned.
"Really? Didja get jealous over me when Kurt looked at me?", I asked, my face all full of sheer amazement.
He giggled. "Yeah! Like, stab-his-no-good-flirting-eyes-out jealous!" I looked at him and he was really serious. "Nate, I'm sorry. I know Kurt's a really nice guy, but then I really hated his guts."
I hugged him and gave him a really nice soft smooch with my arms around his neck before speaking again. "I am very sorry too I wasn't there for you, and hope you can forgive me. I am also very flattered you feel that way about me, but did you really have to go to such extreme measures? Couldn't you just have talked to me?"
He sighed in a kinda despairing way. "Nate, I really TRIED to talk to you, but every time I did you just dodged me. At first I thought I was just imagining things, but then it seemed as if you just didn't want to be around me anymore... Like I wasn't...gay enough. I'm sorry, I know I'm hurting you telling you this."
I grabbed him hard and held him SO close to me it made him gasp. "Brazil, no! I'm the one hurting YOU! I'm so sorry!", I said and gulped, swallowing down a sob. "I never wanted to dodge YOU, just your... Well, your touches! I thought it was me doing that, forcing you... I didn't want to crowd you, sweetie!"
"You weren't crowding me... I touched you because it just felt right doing it... Somehow I knew that I should do it, had to do it, and when I couldn't anymore, it just hurt an awful lot!" He smooched me and I smooched him many times, both of us saying 'I'm sorry!', and 'you're forgiven' to each other with actions, not words... He was stroking me all over, slowly, as if savoring the experience, finding out what it was like touching another boy. I stabbed him more with my dagger just to show it was okay and that I loved it! I really pushed into him and made my dick twitch on purpose, that made me notice how bad I was sliming him up! His tummy and groin area was all slick, I just glided along his skin, it felt fantastic! He seized my genitals in a firm yet pleasant grip and they were pretty slimy too. I made more slime as he massaged my rod gently, an amazed smile on his face. I could barely contain the scream of ecstatic pleasure that was building in me as he spread my thick mucus all over my super-hard dick and balls with his silky soft nimble fingers and palm, stroking, squeezing, rubbing...
My face was just pleasure, total ecstatic pleasure, my back arching, breaths coming in short gasps. I couldn't focus, my eyelids were fluttering wildly. All I could do was utter a fairly load moan as I erupted right onto his stomach, shooting several large slimy gobs at his hot sexy body. He wouldn't stop rubbing my dick, I was in over-sensitive mode but he couldn't get enough of my dick! He wanted to touch me! I writhed and moaned and pleaded and then suddenly the much too tingly sensations subsided from my rather flaccid penis and pleasure returned again. I went through the not most rapid erection of my life because my dick was kinda exhausted still, but certainly one of the most enjoyable ones! It felt so unbelievably good to have him hold my sex in his hand as it filled out and stiffened up. He cooed at me out of pure wonder and admiration, seeing how I boned up right in front of his very eyes. My dick tingled sooo good as I felt blood rush into it while he held it, it twitched with every beat of my heart, and then Brazil leaned down and blew softly on my wet, exposed dickhead. I nearly came yet again, but there was nothing left to shoot! (Was just as well really, because I would have hit him right in the face). A slow stream of totally clear goo poured out instead and he gave me a good rub once more. I just went "Aaaah!" and fell down backwards flat onto the bed, him still holding on to my super hard rod.
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