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The Life of Matt Summers, Part 4

by Flaming Matt

Chapter 8

June 2015

"Oww, stop, stop Wesley it hurts." Carter almost cries out, his boyfriend had only just started pushing his finger in to lube him up and he had to stop him.

"I haven't even put it in much." Wesley states in a concerned tone, he wasn't sure why his boyfriend was in pain, the nozzle on the enema tube went in with no issues.

"I know, but it hurt, like I was being cut or something." Carter answers in an annoyed tone, he wasn't expecting this and he couldn't believe he might not be able to have his boyfriend play with his bum.

"Oh shit." Wesley then says, as he looks down at his finger and then at his boyfriends bum hole.

"What? What's wrong?" Carter quickly asks in a concerned and frightened tone and Wesley realises that he has scared his boyfriend.

"It's my fucking fingernails Carter, I think I caught it without realising and it's sharp." Wesley quickly explains and just feels horrible for hurting his boyfriend and hopes he hasn't actually cut his hole.

"Oh thank god, I thought it was me and I wouldn't be able to try it." Carter states and sighs in relief, although after his initial relief he can't help but be a little worried again. "You didn't cut me did you?" He then asks, if his boyfriend cut him on his hole then he knew that even if it was tiny it would hurt when he needed to go to the toilet.

"I don't think so and I don't see any blood." Wesley answers as he looks a little closer.

"Well don't just think so you moron, check it with your finger and look closer." Carter then instructs his boyfriend in a slightly agitated tone and although he knew it was an accident, he was going to be pissed off if he was cut.

"Okay." Wesley responds and gently starts to rub another finger over his boyfriends hole to wipe some of the lube away and can tell from the moans from his boyfriend that he was at least enjoying that and it also let him know that he couldn't have cut him otherwise it would have hurt. "There definitely isn't any blood and I can't see any cuts." He then says as he gets up from between his boyfriends legs.

"Well what are you waiting for, get that nail sorted and try again you moron." Carter then states with a big grin and giggles when his boyfriend sticks his finger up at him.

"Fine have you got some scissors or a clipper?" Wesley asks and despite playfully sticking his finger up at his boyfriend, he really felt happy and excited and couldn't wait to make his boyfriend cum the same way he made him do it.

"Yeah in the bathroom, but be quick." Carter responds and gives his boyfriend a sexy grin, then enjoys watching his bum as he walks out of the room.

"Mitch I can't do any more." Matt calls out, he was only just finishing the fourth lap and he was starting to seize up a little and even his foot started hurting again.

"I got you." Mitch says as he quickly pulls the boy into his arms, he was actually impressed that he had done four laps and knew all along that he would never get close to ten of them.

"I'm pathetic." Matt then states in a sad tone and Mitch realises that he really has pushed the boy too hard and feels guilty.

"Matt I never expected you to do ten laps, in fact I was sure you would stop after two." Mitch quickly states honestly as he slowly swam to the side of the pool, while still holding the boy safely above the water.

"What?" Matt then asks in a surprised tone and he wondered if he was being honest or just patronising him.

"Matt I was just trying to push you and you were amazing, I half suspected you would just be lazy, but I could tell that you were really trying." Mitch then says in a sincere tone and hoped that he had avoided upsetting him.

"But I was so slow and it really hurt." Matt then says as he reaches for the side of the pool when he is close enough, but instantly realises that they are on the wrong side and his boyfriend and brother are on the other side.

"Matt speed isn't important, but the fact it hurt and you still pushed yourself proves just how amazing you really are and I know Ben and Tobias will be proud of you." Mitch responds with a proud look on his face.

"Why did you bring me over here?" Matt then asks, he couldn't help but smile with pride at the older boys words, but he wanted to know why they were next to the others.

"Because I want to talk to you alone and I want you to be honest with me." Mitch answers and can see that the boy is nervous. "Before you asks, you aren't in trouble Matt, I have a few questions and then we can go get ourselves an all over tan, while those two play for a while." He then adds, he was sure he knew what the boy would ask and decided to quickly reassure him.

"Okay." Matt then states and still can't help but be nervous.

"Should we go over?" Tobias asks, they had just turned back on to their fronts and saw that his brother had stopped swimming and was being carried to the other side of the pool by their big brother.

"I want to, but Mitch took him over there for a reason and well I trust him." Ben answers and gives his brother a quick smile before looking back over to his boyfriend and brother.

"Ben, when we play strip poker next weekend, will we like you know touch each other and stuff?" Tobias then asks, but quickly looks over in concern when he hears his brother coughing. "Are you alright?" He then asks in a concerned tone and hoped he wasn't ill or something.

"Yeah, well jeez Tobias." Ben responds and turns to his brother again, he just couldn't believe the things he came out with and couldn't help but smile a little. "We all agreed to just play strip poker, but we can all talk about it again before we play, because I think it will be boring for whoever gets naked first, because they will just have to sit there while everyone else plays." He then states and can't help but notice the uncomfortable look on his brothers face.

"What sort of thing though?" Tobias then asks in a half curious and half nervous tone, he would do some things, but he didn't want to do anything really gay.

"What do you mean?" Ben asks in response and although he had a pretty good idea what he meant, he wanted to let him say it and gauge his reaction before answering.

"Me not want to give er... suck willies or er... touch bums like er.. sex stuff with bums." Tobias explains nervously and can't help but blush a little and Ben can't help but smile at his brother.

"Well when I played with the others before Tobias, we did dares like kissing each other, masturbating in front of everyone and there was two nipple sucking dares, but we didn't do any real sex stuff, especially with each other." Ben decides to say as he tries to give him an idea of what to expect if they did play dares.

"Me one er... there no making fun of each other?" Tobias then asks and again Ben can see that he is slightly uncomfortable, but he is also glad that he is at least thinking about it and knows it must be hard for him.

"We might tease each other a little Tobias, but it is just fun like we tease each other normally and it isn't nasty or mean." Ben answers honestly and gives his brother a reassuring smile.

"Can I try to play, but stop if I don't like something?" Tobias then asks, but this time uses his elastic band, he had tried not to use it most of the day because he was talking a lot better, but he wanted to make sure his brother understand his question.

"Tobias, even if we are just playing strip poker, you can stop playing whenever you like and we will play something else, we just want to have fun and we don't force each other to do anything, all you have to do is say you want to stop and I will stop the game, well I bet Matt will stop it before I get a chance, but you know what I mean." Ben responds with a smile and is happy to see his brother return it.

"Thank you, but well who is playing?" Tobias then asks, he was sure he knew who will be playing, but he hoped he wouldn't be on his own while the other four were together.

"Just you, me, Matt, Wesley and Carter, but we won't be sitting as couples Tobias and I promise we won't leave you out or ignore you." Ben answers honestly, although he hadn't even thought about what it would be like for his brother being on his own with two couples and felt bad for not realising sooner, but he would tell the others that they had to sit away from their boyfriends and knew they would understand.

"Mitch not play?" Tobias then asks, although he was happy with his brothers answer, even if he would still prefer someone else there, although saying that he didn't know anyone else and wasn't sure he wanted someone he didn't know to see him naked and do dares with.

"Not this time, he has a girlfriend now and well we want it to just be us boys." Ben responds with a warm smile, he was really enjoying talking like this, although he would prefer a different subject it was still good to talk with him.

"Okay." Tobias responds and turns his attention to his brothers in the pool and Ben gets the hint that for now his brother doesn't want to talk and decides to watch his boyfriend for a while.

"Well I think we can call that a draw." Wesley says with a giant grin after making his boyfriend cum without even touching his boner, just like his boyfriend had done to him.

"Yeah." Carter answers, he would have said a bit more but he was just feeling so many things right now that he couldn't think straight.

"You did like it right?" Wesley then asks in a concerned tone, he knew his boyfriend was tired, he was the same but his response sounded underwhelming and he wondered if he didn't actually like it.

"Of course I did you moron, just give me a chance to recover you dick head." Carter responds with a small grin and Wesley quickly relaxes, he just loved how his boyfriend talked when he was horny, it was just so dirty and filthy compared to how he normally talked and he just loved it.

"I love when you swear." Wesley then states, while he starts to trace little circles over his boys stomach and chest.

"Did it hurt when I put the second finger in you?" Carter then asks, deciding to ignore his boyfriends attempts to tease him and find out if he should be a little worried about what happened.

"A little bit, but only for like a few seconds, same with when you put the first finger in, but not enough to want it to stop." Wesley answers honestly, but then realises what his boyfriend was really asking when he sees the worried look on his face. "Did it hurt you?" He then asks in a concerned tone, his boyfriend whimpered and grunted a little when he put the second finger in, but he hadn't told him to stop and said he was fine when he asked at the time and was now worried that he had lied.

"It hurt a lot, I mean It felt great and I loved it Wesley, I really liked it but er... it really hurt and I er... maybe you were right about having sex." Carter answers honestly, he felt a little uncomfortable with one finger, but the second took him a long time to get used too and even then it was painful and realised now that if he had convinced his boyfriend to have sex like he wanted, then he would have probably been crying and passed out or something.

"Holy shit Carter, why the hell didn't you tell me to stop?" Wesley then asks in a slightly annoyed tone, he knew his boyfriend enjoyed it and the fact he orgasmed proved that, but that doesn't make it alright if he was in pain the whole time.

"I know, but I really enjoyed it and well I guess I just need to get er... I don't know, but I want to keep doing this Wesley, just a little slower and for now you just have to use one finger until I'm ready." Carter answers, he wasn't quite sure what to say, but he definitely wanted to keep experimenting, although he now knew that he did have to slow down a little and that he was being stupid for thinking he could do it all.

"Carter I really want to well shout at you or something, but well I just want you to try and listen to me in future, I know you know more than I do about this stuff, but I never want to hurt you Carter and knowing that I just did makes me feel like a monster and please don't pretend that you're fine again if you aren't." Wesley then states in a firm and serious tone, he was feeling a lot of different emotions, but decided that he didn't want a fight and just wanted to love his boyfriend.

"Sorry." Carter responds meekly and looks down at the floor, he never intended to upset his boyfriend and felt awful, until he feels himself being pulled down to the bed and rolled on to his back.

"Don't get upset, we are experimenting Carter and we are going to make a mess of it sometimes, we just have to always be honest and not get angry or upset, deal?" Wesley then asks, while looking down lovingly at his boyfriend, he knew his boyfriend was going to start crying if he didn't do something and he didn't want to spoil the rest of their day.

"Okay, but I just feel bad for not saying something, one finger was amazing and I should have just told you to do that." Carter responds and smiles up at his boyfriend and is delighted when his boyfriend leans down and kisses him for a few moments.

"Want to sixty nine for a while?" Wesley then asks with a smirk, he knew what the answer would be before he even asked it and just loved the way his boyfriends eyes lit up when he said it.

"Can I still use two fingers on you?" Carter decides to asks, he knew he didn't need to answer his boyfriends question, but he wanted to know how far he could go.

"Just start with one and go from there, but I'm only going to use one on you okay." Wesley answers and gives his boyfriend another quick kiss before sitting up on his boyfriends stomach.

"I love you." Carter then says, while gently rubbing his boyfriends thighs.

"I love you too." Wesley responds with a loving smile as he slides off his boyfriend and turns to face his feet, they then move on to their sides and start to lick and tease each other, before taking each other into their mouths at the same time and then after a few minutes start to move their hands towards their other target and both moan at the contact of the others fingers on their holes.

"You want to know about our bed?" Matt asks in a surprised tone, he was sure he was going to get told off or told that he is going to the hospital whether he liked it or not and was just confused by the older boys question.

"Well not exactly, I should talk to you and Ben about this together, but well I want you to tell me if he is pressuring you about doing certain things." Mitch explains and watches the boy careful to see if he gives anything away.

"Ben would never do that." Matt answers quickly in a firm tone, he may have been surprised by the first question, but he wasn't going to hesitate in defending his boyfriend.

"Then tell me what he was really going to ask me earlier and don't lie to me Matt, you were quick to change the subject to the bed and I want to know what he was going to ask." Mitch then states and again watches the boy for anything suspicious, he didn't actually think his little brother would force him to do anything, but he had to be completely sure and he was also concerned that Matt could still be a danger to his little brother, even if it wasn't his fault, he was still unpredictable.

"We wanted to ask you if you could buy us an enema kit each and some other stuff from Jim's shop." Matt answers quickly, he probably could lie his way out of this, but in all honestly he was tired and he just wanted to lay down and knew they were going to ask him later anyway, so decided to just get it over with as quickly as possible.

"Matt are you sure you're ready for that?" Mitch asks in a concerned tone, although he was also trying not to show how shocked he was by the boys answer, he was expecting maybe something to do with sex, but the mention of the enema kit left him in no doubt as to what the boys were planning and he was worried for both boys.

"Eww no, we aren't going to have sex Mitch, but we want to try some other stuff, but do I really have to tell you?" Matt asks after explaining that they weren't going to have sex, he was definitely not going to be ready for that for a long time, even if he did enjoy what he and his boyfriend were planning.

"No you really don't, just be careful and I need you to promise me something else and this is going to be really embarrassing Matt, but I need you to promise me that you won't tie Ben up any more." Mitch then states and tries to keep his tone steady and not make the boy feel like he was getting told off.

"What?" Matt asks in a surprised tone, he wasn't expecting that and was now worried again.

"Matt what you did earlier could have killed Tobias, I know you didn't mean too and it wasn't your fault, I really mean that Matt, none of this is your fault, but you can't tell me that you won't lose control again and I know you and Ben tie each other up and I need you to promise me that you won't tie him up again." Mitch answers as clearly as he can, he couldn't imagine how embarrassing and mortifying this conversation is for him, but he also had to do it for his little brothers safety and he knew he would want his boyfriend to be safe.

"Never?" Matt asks in a timid and almost frightened tone, not because he might not be able to tie his boyfriend up again, but because he realised that he was dangerous and that realization started to make him tremble a little.

"Matt you may never fully recover from what you have been through, we all know that and so do you, but I promise you that whatever is causing these attacks you have been having will go away, but you need to be safe until then, do you understand?" Mitch answers and again tries to keep his tone friendly, he could see that the boy was trembling and knew he was pushing his luck now, but he had to make sure he understood and he just had to push a little more.

"Ben wants to buy a bed with posts." Matt states in an almost despondent tone and Mitch edges a little closer and puts an arm around the boys waist.

"Matt he can still tie you up and it won't be for long, you just have to make sure that you talk with us all about what is happening with these attacks and also talk to a professional, you have an appointment tomorrow with Wesley's dad and there are other people I could take you to see, so please don't get down about this, I can't even imagine how I would deal with even some of the stuff you have been through, but what I do know is that you're stronger than any of us and I'm so proud of you." Mitch tells the boys and pulls him a little closer, before kissing the side of his head.

"Do you promise to really try and get my mum to let me see my dad?" Matt then asks, he had managed to stop himself from trembling thanks to the older boys words and even managed a small smile, but he just knew if he saw his dad than he could really get his recovery moving in the right direction again.

"You're not going to see him alone, you know that right Matt?" Mitch decides to ask, instead of answering the boys question directly.

"Ben will come with me and Tobias wants to see him remember, but I want to talk to him alone as well Mitch." Matt answers, he was a bit annoyed that his question was dodged, but got the sense that the older boy would try his best.

"Matt if you want this to happen then you can't be alone with him, your mum will never allow it and neither would Ben." Mitch then explains and can tell just by the way the boy turns to him, what he is going to say and decides to get in first. "Matt I will sit in the room with you, I will be in the corner and I will try not to listen, you can say anything in front of me and it will never get repeated to anyone else by me, I promise you that Matt." He then states and knows that he was right, when he sees the boys eyes flicker and he can tell that he is thinking it over.

"I need to see him Mitch, you have to help me make Mum understand." Matt then states and gives his boyfriend a quick look over his shoulder and can't help but smile when he sees him watching him, he loved how happy his boyfriend could make him feel with just a smile and he really needed it right now.

"I will do what I can, with your mum and with the other stuff you asked for, just give me a day or two for that stuff." Mitch responds with a smile and kisses the side of the boys head again. "Now let's go and get our backsides tanned while the other two play a little." He then states with a smile.

"I want to try swimming over there, but I don't think I can get far." Matt then says as he pulls himself away from the older boy.

"I will be right next to you, just try your best." Mitch responds and watches as the boy begins to swim to the other side of the pool, but he can tell that he isn't going to make it when his legs barely move and stays close to him.

"Oh no." Ben says, causing Tobias to quickly look up, he had fallen asleep and was now confused and wondered what was going on.

"What?" Tobias asks and when he turned to the pool he quickly got to his feet and was about to dive in, when he felt a hand on his arm.

"Don't, Mitch has him." Ben says in a strained tone, he had just been about to dive in himself when he saw his brother quickly pull his boyfriend above the surface, he had been watching them swim across and could tell straight away that his boyfriend wasn't going to get far by how little his legs seemed to be moving, but he was horrified by what he had just thought and was struggling to make sense of it.

"What happened though?" Tobias asked, he had only seen his brother flailing a little underwater and didn't know how that could have happened.

"He tried to swim on his own back over here, but he was too tired, I think he wanted to push himself and just couldn't do it." Ben answers in a sad and defeated tone, which Tobias quickly picks up on and turns to his brother.

"Hey, cut that out before Matt gets here." Tobias tells him in a firm tone with a look to go with it, he wasn't really angry and could hardly blame him for being like this, it must be so hard for him, but he also knew that he couldn't let Matt see him like this and it was the quickest way he could think of to snap him out of it.

"Sorry, it's just hard to..." Ben begins to respond, but just trails off for a few moments. "I need to go to the toilet." He then says and before his brother can even think of something to say in response, he quickly heads to his house, leaving Tobias both confused and concerned.

"Hey where did Ben go?" Matt asks, causing Tobias to jump a little as he wasn't expecting his brothers to swim over so quickly.

"He needed the toilet." Tobias answers, trying his best to hide his actual concern and gives his brother a warm smile. "Are you alright?" He then asks, deciding to change the topic to him instead of Ben.

"You mean apart from being crazy and unable to swim more than a few metres without almost drowning?" Matt answers and although he was trying to be sarcastic, he couldn't help but realise how badly he really was doing and wished his boyfriend would hurry back.

"Well me not talk properly and wet self all the time." Tobias then states and while it was no where near what his brother had to deal with, he knew it would stop him feeling sorry for himself for a while and was happy to see him smiling a little.

"Thanks Tobias." Matt states with a genuine smile and tries to pull himself out of the pool, but realises that he can't, but deciding to not get upset turns to Mitch. "Can you help me?" He asks and gets ready to be lifted on to the side..

"Sure thing." Mitch says before effortlessly lifting the boy up and sitting him on the side.

"Can I swim now?" Tobias then asks his big brother, he did want to spend a bit of time with them to talk, but he knew they had all day and he really wanted to do some swimming.

"Okay, but I want you to dive in as best you can." Mitch responds with a smile, he remembered he had promised to teach him to dive and how to do different strokes, so thought he would take the chance to see how well he could dive now.

"Why?" Tobias asks in a curious tone, he wasn't bothered and would do it, but he wanted to know why his big brother insisted on it

"To see how you do, remember about me teaching you to dive and how to do some of the other strokes." Mitch responds and smiles when the boys eyes light up and knows he must of thought he wasn't being serious before.

"Oh this is so cool." Tobias says in a cheerful tone, before diving into the water and without looking back starts to swim to the end of the pool so that he could do a few laps.

"Did he do it right?" Matt then asks the older boy, he didn't know anything about diving, but to him that looked alright.

"It was pretty good, but it's hard to mess up a dive like that, I want to teach him to go off the board eventually and do some real dives." Mitch answers as he lifts himself out of the pool and sits next to the boy.

"Will you teach me when I'm better?" Matt then asks, deciding that he would like to learn to dive a little too.

"Sure, maybe you can even get Ben to take an interest, I tried a few times and he never wanted to learn." Mitch answers and can't resist trying to getting his little brother interested and knew if anyone could convince him, it would be his boyfriend.

"Cool." Matt answers, before watching his brother for a few moments. "We are all going to strip poker when Wesley and Carter sleepover next weekend." He then states and can tell he surprised the older boy who quickly turns to him.

"Really?" Mitch asks in a surprised tone, not just because of what he said, but because he actually told him, he had no issues because boys will be boys and he had played it with them not so long ago, but he didn't know why he had told him.

"Yeah, but I don't think we are doing dares, you know like we did before." Matt responds, before looking back to his brother, who seemed to be gliding through the water with the ease that he used to be able to.

"Matt what's wrong?" Mitch then asks, he was suddenly getting the feeling that something wasn't right and wondered if he had something he wanted to say to him.

"Everything." Matt answers, but just continues to stare at his brother swimming instead of saying anything else and Mitch wishes he could make it better, but he knew this wasn't something he could fix this time and looked towards the pool house hoping to see his little brother coming back.

"I wish I could make it all better Matt, I would give anything to make it all go away and you know you can talk to me about anything." Mitch then states, turning back to him after seeing that his little brother wasn't out yet.

"Can we just lay down now? I just want to sleep a little." Matt then asks, as he gets up and moves over to the towel his boyfriend was using a little while ago and lays down on his stomach.

"Okay, but I need to put sunscreen on you." Mitch responds, as he kneels next to the boy and begins to cover his entire back, arms and legs, before doing the same to his bum and crack.

"Thanks Mitch." Matt then says before resting his head in his arms and closing his eyes.

"Do you want me to wake you up in a little while or just turn you over and put sunscreen on you?" Mitch then asks, he would prefer not having to wake him because he could tell that he was exhausted and realised that is why he was talking the way he was and knew he didn't need to worry too much.

"Just turn me over if I'm still asleep." Matt answers before yawning and Mitch decides to put sunscreen on himself, although he knew he would probably miss a few spots on his back, he would just get his little brother to get any of spots he missed when he came out and laid himself down and watched as Tobias glided through the water.

"Come on pick up, please pick up." Ben says as he tries his friends number again and hopes they pick up this time, after having no luck the first three times. "Fucking hell Wesley, please pick..." He begins to say before hearing someone on the other end.

"Ben?" Wesley answers in a slightly annoyed tone and Ben can tell that his friend isn't happy, but he needs to talk and he didn't want anyone else.

"Wesley I need help." Ben then says and can feel the tears running down his face, he just couldn't stop himself and knew he was going to break down and even hearing his friend telling his boyfriend to stop couldn't get a smile out of him.

"Ben are you hurt?" Wesley asks in a concerned tone and Ben can't hear any of the annoyance in his friends voice that was there a few moments ago.

"I just can't bare to see him like this Wesley, I just can't do it any more." Ben says before falling silent, he just couldn't deal with seeing his boyfriend not even being able to swim and on top of everything else, he just felt like he was being crushed.

"Ben where are you?" Wesley then asks, he was angry at being interrupted by his phone constantly ringing and almost turned it off, but now he was just concerned for his friend and knew he needed to do something.

"Wesley he couldn't even swim properly and he had another freak out earlier and I can't cope, I'm pathetic and I hate myself and..." Ben begins to say, but trails off and starts to sob and Wesley can only sit and listen as he looks to his boyfriend in concern.

"Ben you need to tell me where you are." Wesley then tells his friend in a firmer tone and hopes it gets his friend to focus a little, before holding his hand over his phone and looking to his boyfriend. "Carter go in another room and phone Mitch, Ben needs someone and we won't get there is time." He tells him and smiles when he gets a quick kiss and watches as his boyfriend leaves the room. "Ben talk to me please." He then says as he turns his attention back to his friend.

"Wesley I don't know what to do." Ben says after a few moments of silence and he really didn't know if he could go out and be with his brothers and boyfriend without breaking down again.

"You need to tell me what is really wrong, too much has happened for this to just be about him struggling to swim or another freak out." Wesley then states, he knows this might be harsh, but he figured his friend phoned him for a reason and needed someone who wouldn't be afraid to push him.

"It's me Wesley, I hate myself and I'm not good enough for Matt." Ben then states and starts to cry again, he felt so ashamed of himself and couldn't believe he could think what he did.

"Oh fuck, seriously Ben tell me because you're scaring me." Wesley tells his friend, he was now really worried and started to get dressed so that he could go to him.

"I wished he was dead Wesley, I thought he looked pathetic and thought he would be better of dead, I'm a monster Wesley and I..." Ben tries to explain but just stops and cries his heart out, he couldn't believe he could ever wish his boyfriend was dead, but seeing him struggle so much and after hearing him saying he wanted to die so many times and then finding out he did try to kill himself and with the attacks and now the swimming he just couldn't help it and now he didn't know how he could face his boyfriend or anyone else ever again.

"A monster? Fuck off Ben, you're human that is all and most adults couldn't deal with half the shit you have been dealing with and so fucking what if you had a moment of doubt, Matt has had them and what have you told him? Did you tell him that he was pathetic and a monster or that he isn't good enough for you? No, no you didn't because you know he has been through so much and so have you Ben, so you need to cut this self hate crap out and get yourself washed up and ready to go and be with Matt." Wesley lectures his friend, trying his best to shock him into getting his head together and just hopes it works because he didn't know what else to do after pulling that speech out of thin air.

"I knew you're were the only one who I could call." Ben then says after a few minutes of silence and Wesley sighs in relief that his speech seemed to work.

"Ben talk to me though, I mean you said he couldn't swim, but we saw him yesterday and he was swimming, I just don't get it." Wesley then asks, he wasn't trying to upset his friend, but he thought if he could get him to talk about it, then maybe he would see that he was overreacting or something.

"Mitch tried to get him to swim ten laps of our pool and two lengths equalled one lap, but he only just managed four and it took him so long Wesley, he used to be a good swimmer and then when he tried to swim across from one side of the pool he couldn't even get half way before he went under the water." Ben explains and even as he finishes he realises how harsh he was being on his boyfriend and knew his friend was going to tell him that and a lot more bluntly.

"Oh wow, you may not be a monster, but you're a prick Ben, after yesterday and the way he took you off last night, I'm surprised he could even stand up today and you're getting upset because he only swam eight lengths of the pool and then struggled to swim across it? Wow Ben, if I was with you right now I would punch you in the arm for being an arse hole you dumb ass." Wesley responds in a mocking tone and although he is joking around, he knows that he and his boyfriend need to get their friend alone and help him deal with things, it was clear he wasn't coping and needed help and he wanted to make sure he doesn't break.

"Wesley I just..." Ben then begins to say, but he trails of and doesn't know how to express himself, he appreciated his friends words and they helped, but he knew he was struggling to cope with everything and didn't know what to do about it.

"Ben talk to Matt, if it was him feeling like this then you would want him to tell you, me and Carter can come round as well if you need us, we are here for you any time you need us." Wesley then tells his friend, he had given him a few more moments to say something else, but it was obvious he wasn't going to carry on and hoped his words helped.

"Am I a bad person?" Ben then asks and throws his friend completely off guard.

"No, no way Ben, you're one of the kindest and most loving people I know, you just need to talk to Matt and he will help you." Wesley answers quickly, he was now getting scared by his friends words and walked over to the door, just as his boyfriend walked in.

"I couldn't get through to anyone." Carter says as he closes his bedroom door behind himself. "Why are you dressed?" He then asks in a curious tone, after noticing his boyfriend is now dressed.

"I think we need to go to Ben's, he is in a bad way and I'm worried Carter." Wesley answers before deciding to put his phone on speaker.

"What's happening?" Carter asks in a now concerned tone, as he slowly moves around the room to get dressed, he knew his boyfriend was serious and didn't hesitate to start getting dressed.

"Ben did you hear me?" Wesley asks his friend, holding his finger up to to his boyfriend to stay quiet for a few seconds.

"I wished he was dead though, how can I even look at him now, I'm disgusting and I hate myself Wesley, I wished he was dead." Ben says before breaking down and crying again.

"Ben we are coming over." Wesley responds and gives his boyfriend a sad and worried look.

"NO!" Ben then quickly shouts, if his friends come over, then his boyfriend would find out what he wished and he couldn't bare that.

"Ben you're scaring me and I'm not going to let you do something stupid." Wesley responds in a firm tone, although he gives his boyfriend another sad look and hoped he could help him out.

"No, please don't, I'm just being stupid I know, but please don't come round, I just need a few minutes and I will be fine." Ben then states as confidently as he can, although he wasn't fine and didn't think he could ever forgive himself.

"Ben it's me, it's Carter, I only just heard the last bit you said, but please don't hate yourself, you just need to talk to Matt about it and he will understand and help you." Carter then states, deciding to try and do something to help, although he wasn't sure he made any sense and wished he thought of something better to say.

"He is suicidal though, he will hate me for wishing he was dead." Ben responds and starts to cry again, he was shocked by his friend talking, he had only thought he was talking to Wesley, but it was a welcome shock as he knew his friends together might be able to help.

"You don't wish he was dead Ben, I didn't hear what happened but... wait a second." Carter then starts to say, but stops when his boyfriend leans over and whispers what happened into his ear and he only just manages to stifle a gasp and had to quickly compose himself and remember what he was going to say. "Okay Wesley just told me, but I know it is bad and you feel like a monster Ben, but it's hardly surprising you thought that and to be honest I can't believe you haven't thought it before." He then states, he wasn't an expert and certainly didn't know how these things worked, but he was sure that when someone watched a loved one suffer enough, that at some point they wished they were dead, just so they wouldn't suffer and was surprised his friend never had that thought before.

"What?" Ben then asks, he heard his friends words clearly, but he didn't understand what he was talking about or what he was trying to tell him.

"Ben, when we see someone we love struggling and hurting there is always a part of us that wishes we could make it stop or wishing we could swap places, you know so you could be the one suffering and not them and well there are also times when you wish they were dead, not because you want them to be dead, but because you don't want them to suffer any more, do you understand?" Carter then asks after explaining, it may not have been completely right, but he knew he wasn't lying to his friend and hoped that he listened.

"I don't know." Ben answers, if he was thinking clearly and wasn't in such a state he would understand straight away, but right now he was a mess and just couldn't think straight.

"Ben, he means that what you thought, was something anyone in your situation will think at some point, it shows how much you love that person and I know that sounds fucked up, because well it is a little bit, but not in a bad way, our minds are weird as fuck Ben and honestly you shouldn't be upset, well okay maybe a little but you aren't a monster Ben and please don't hate yourself." Wesley then states, after getting the go ahead by his boyfriend and while he started well he could tell from his boyfriends open mouth that he made a mess of it.

"Maybe just let Carter do the explaining Wesley." Ben then suggests and while he was still feeling down, his friends attempts to reassure him worked and despite the fact he made a mess of it, he got his point.

"Yeah sorry, I thought I had it sorted." Wesley states with a smile, he was still worried but he could tell that his friend had calmed down and felt comfortable enough to relax.

"He did alright." Carter then says, although he gives his boyfriend a teasing look.

"I still can't tell him though and I still don't want to see him, I just know he will see something is wrong." Ben then states and while he was a lot more calm than he was, he still felt himself on the edge of crying again.

"What are you all doing at the moment?" Carter then asks, it was clear his friend shouldn't be alone with his boyfriend until he calmed down enough, but in a group he should be fine.

"I'm meant to be playing with Tobias in the pool, while Matt and Mitch sunbathe for a while." Ben answers and again manages to calm down a little more, thinking if he just played with his brother for a while he could calm down enough to be around his boyfriend without feeling guilty and hating himself.

"That's perfect, just play with Tobias and then go from there, just remember that you're normal Ben and if you need anything just call one of us, we will keep our phones with us." Carter then says in a reassuring tone and smiles when his boyfriend gives him a loving kiss on the cheek.

"I love you guys." Ben then states and just feels so lucky to have them as friends and knew he could talk to them about anything.

"We love you too." Carter responds for the both of them and smiles when he feels his boyfriend holding his hand.

"I better go now, they will be wondering where I went." Ben then states, while wiping his eyes with his free hand. "Thank you so much for this." He then adds, knowing he would be a crying mess if they hadn't answered and made him see sense.

"You would do the same for us and remember anytime you need to talk just call us." Wesley responds and can't help but smile when his boyfriend starts to strip, but decides to stop him and despite the disappointed look on his face, he just wanted to talk for a while after this and wasn't in the mood for continuing with what they were doing just yet.

"Bye guys." Ben then says, as he heads to the sink to wash his face.

"Bye Ben." Carter and Wesley respond in unison, before they hear their friend hanging up and they do the same.

"Where Ben?" Tobias asks after swimming to the side of the pool, he had enjoyed swimming lengths but just wanted to play now and was both disappointed and concerned that his brother was still not back yet.

"I'm not sure, maybe he is on the phone or something." Mitch answers, he was a little worried himself, but not enough to go searching for him just yet.

"How long Matt sleep?" Tobias then asks, he wasn't totally convinced by his big brothers response, but it was good enough for now and turned his attention to his other brother.

"Pretty much since you started swimming, he was really tired though." Mitch answers and gives the sleeping boy a quick glance and smiles, he just looked so peaceful.

"He did pretty good though right?" Tobias then asks, he was worried and sad at first after seeing him struggling, but after really thinking about it, he knew that his brother had actually done pretty well and was proud of him.

"He did more than I thought he would Tobias." Mitch answers, while giving him a warm smile, he had noticed that he had started to talk properly for longer periods of time and more often in the last few days and was proud of him.

"What's it like having a girlfriend?" Tobias then asks and Mitch can't help but almost choke, he wasn't expecting that and wondered if he was ever going to get used to the boys ability to switch topics so quickly after getting his answer to the previous one.

"Well it's amazing, but you have to be with the right girl, I have had a few and they have been alright Tobias, but Erica is just perfect and she makes me happy." Mitch answers and can't help but smile as he thinks about her and wonders what she is doing right now.

"Girls are different to us though right?" Tobias then asks and despite the vagueness of the question, Mitch knows what he is asking and smiles.

"Mostly, but some aren't that different, but they do tend to not mess around and have fun like us boys Tobias, you won't see them skinny dipping or playing strip poker with each other and they take forever to get ready to go anywhere." Mitch answers with a grin, he was generalizing a lot and knew Erica wasn't like what he just described, but he doubted the boy would find someone like her any time soon and thought it would be best to give him a good idea of what to expect.

"Can we go somewhere where girls are soon?" Tobias then asks, so far he was getting a little worried that he would never get to meet any his age and he really wanted to meet some.

"Ah well that isn't as easy as you might think, but I can think of a few places and we can go during the week with Matt, he really needs to go out and walk around more than he has been." Mitch answers and can see that the boy had mixed feelings about what he had said and had a pretty good idea what it was. "Tobias, you will have plenty of time to meet and talk with girls, but for now Matt is our first priority and besides some girls might come over to say hello to him and ask how he is and that is a good way for you to talk to them." He then adds with a smile and could see that eased the boys concerns.

"Matt say he not know many girls though, they be school to in week." Tobias then says as his smile drops and Mitch realises that he hadn't thought about that and felt a little bad.

"The boys know more girls then they think Tobias and trust me girls seem to have this thing where they see someone hurt and want to help them, not every girl of course, but Matt will definitely get more attention from them now." Mitch explains and lets that sink in while he thinks about how to help him meet some girls.

"We could visit school and meet Ben, Wesley, Carter and the others on the field." Matt then suggests and smiles when his brother and Mitch turn to him in surprise and knows he startled them.

"How long have you been awake?" Mitch asks with a wry smile and cant help but wonder how long he was listening.

"Long enough to know my brother wants to meet some girls." Matt answers with a smile, although he suddenly realises that his boyfriend wasn't with them and wondered where he was, but decided not to ask just yet and focus on his brothers little problem.

"How meeting them help meet girls?" Tobias then asks, he remembered that it was an all boys school and didn't see how it would help.

"The girls school is right next to ours Tobias and we share the same playing field, we will just walk across it starting at the girls end and see if any girls come up to us, like Mitch said, girls will probably come and ask how I am and I actually do know some of them." Matt answers and giggles at how happy his brother looks and quickly grins at Mitch.

"Are you sure you're ready for that though Matt?" Mitch then asks in a slightly concerned tone, he knew it was basically his idea, but he also knew that while it sounded easy and great, it was going to be hard for him for a number of reasons and wanted to make sure he could handle it.

"Maybe we can go for some short walks for the next few days and go to the field on Friday?" Matt answers with his own suggestion, he knew he still had issues about going outside, but being out in the back garden and being naked helped his confidence and what he did last night with his scars gave him a massive boost and knew if he eased himself into it, he could do this for his brother.

"What do girls talk about?" Tobias then asks with a big grin, he was so happy that this was going to happen and he was happy that his brother seemed to be happy and enjoying himself.

"Themselves." Mitch and Matt answer in unison and can't help but laugh and despite finding the fact they answered together amusing, Tobias was confused by the answer.

"What?" Tobias asks curiously and Matt and Mitch give each other a look and Mitch knows he should answer this.

"Tobias girls can be very strange and they are all different, but in general if you talk to a girl, try to ask her questions about herself and never be afraid to compliment them." Mitch explains and can see the boy is taking it all in, although if he remembered how unfiltered and naïve he was, he would have gone into a little more detail and cautioned him on what not to say.

"Never interrupt a girl either Tobias, they don't like that, so just let them talk even if it's really boring." Matt then adds and grins when he hears Mitch chuckle and knows he is right.

"Yeah definitely never do that." Mitch then says and chuckles again, he had done that a few times himself when he was younger and it really wasn't something that ended well in terms of him trying to get a date.

"I need buy new clothes." Tobias then states, remembering what his brother had told him earlier about the clothes he had at the moment and how they weren't like his normal style and he figured it was a good time to get back to himself if he was to meet girls and also thought it would be a good excuse to get his brother out for a day.

"You have some though, we only went shopping last week Tobias." Mitch then states in a curious tone, he knew he didn't get everything, but couldn't see why he wanted to go so soon and there was something about his eyes and tone that told him this wasn't just to buy some bits and pieces.

"Oh cool, you're going to start dressing normally again." Matt then says, earning a curious and confused look from Mitch and a delighted look from his brother.

"You remembered." Tobias then states gleefully and he was just so happy that his brother not only knew he wasn't dressing like himself, but referred to it as 'normal' and knew that not many people thought that way, but his brother had always thought he looked great and it meant a lot to him.

"Normal?" Mitch then asks, completely confused by the conversation and wondered what 'normal' meant for the way the boy normally dressed.

"He has the most awesome way of dressing, I tried to copy him but just looked stupid, but he looks so cool and cute." Matt explains and can't help but blush a little, he knew he didn't have any of those feelings for him any more, but he still felt a little weird for saying he looked cute.

"I remember seeing him when they used to Skype and Matt showed me pictures and he just looked great Mitch." Ben then says, startling everyone as he stands next to his brother, while purposely staying away from his boyfriend, he still felt awful about what he thought and tried to not even look at him.

"Hey Sexy." Matt then says with a grin, but when his boyfriend barely gives him a glance, he gets a little worried that something was wrong.

"Oh hey." Ben replies, before looking at his brother in the water. "Want to play?" He then asks and manages a smile, he just couldn't be around his boyfriend right now and knew he had to get in the water before anyone noticed his behaviour.

"Yeah, please." Tobias answers with a grin, he was glad he got the chance to talk with his brothers, but he really wanted to play.

"We will decide later what day we go shopping Tobias." Mitch then says and smiles when he nods happily.

"Hey Ben, later we can..." Matt then begins to say, but stops when he sees his boyfriend give him a half glance before diving into the water and swimming away from them and can't help but feel like something was wrong.

"Come on you, it's time we turned over and get our fronts done, just make sure you get everything covered with the sunscreen, we don't want you burning anything important Matt." Mitch instructs the boy with small smile, although inside he was a little worried by his little brothers behaviour, he noticed that he had practically avoided Matt and he realised that he had actually been gone for almost twenty minutes and knew something was going on.

"Mitch?" Matt then asks, as he turns over and reaches over for the sunscreen and Mitch can tell just by the tone of his voice that he wasn't the only one who noticed the odd behaviour and just got sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and hoped he could reassure the boy.

"Matt I wouldn't worry, he was probably just trying to make Tobias happy after taking so long to come out." Mitch states, deciding to not bother asking what he was going to say and hoped he hadn't misread the boy.

"No, he was being weird and when he gets out can you take Tobias somewhere, I need to talk to him alone." Matt responds, he appreciated the older boys attempts to make him feel better, but he knew something was wrong and despite many thoughts going through his mind about how it was somehow his fault, he had these gut feeling that this was something his boyfriend did and he wanted to help him.

"I'm sure it's nothing Matt." Mitch then states, although he was concerned himself, he really didn't think it was something that bad.

"It's something big Mitch, he has never looked at me like that and I need to help him." Matt then says and Mitch can't help but look at him in surprise at the 'help him' comment and now he was curious as well as concerned.

"Help him?" Mitch asks as he watches the boy finish with the sunscreen before laying on his back.

"Mitch I know you two are super close, but I know him and I know his expressions and something is bothering him and he is scared of what I will think." Matt explains, he couldn't be one hundred percent sure, it wasn't like he was psychic, but he and his boyfriend could read each other pretty well and he was going to go with his gut feeling.

"You got all that from two half glances and a few words?" Mitch can't help but ask, he could always read his little brother and he got that something was wrong, but nothing like what he had just heard and was impressed if not a little confused.

"You really will like what Tobias buys when we go shopping, but you have to leave us alone so you don''t see them until he is ready to buy them." Matt then states, changing the subject away from his boyfriend, he had started to tremble a little and knew that if he kept talking about it and worrying himself then he was going to freak out.

"He's not a Goth is he?" Mitch asks in response, he got the hint that their previous conversation was over, but then realised what he said and quickly felt a little guilty. "Not that there is anything wrong if he is." He adds, it would be weird, well really weird but he wouldn't treat him differently because of it.

"No you dumb ass." Matt answers after laughing out loud, all his worries and concerns quickly disappeared after the older boys comment and he just thought it was hilarious. "A Goth, yeah right." He then says and again laughs and despite knowing he is being mocked, Mitch can't help but laugh with him.

"Well how am I meant to know, you go all cryptic and ask me not to see the clothes until he is ready to buy them." Mitch then says as he lays down on his back, he was enjoying this little exchange and it was a relief to see that he wasn't getting upset and seemed to be in good spirits.

"Well you might get a little freaked out when he starts picking out the dresses." Matt then states and manages to somehow keep a serious tone, despite feeling himself wanting to laugh.

"Oh my good he wears..." Mitch begins to say, but realises too late that he is being set up, when he hears the boy trying to hold back from laughing. "You little shit, I actually thought you were being serious for a second." He then states and can't help but laugh as the boy bursts into laughter.

"Think we should just go round?" Carter asks, they had been talking for almost twenty minutes and he could tell his boyfriend was still not convinced their friend was alright.

"I want to, I really do Carter but we can't and well tomorrow at school we need to try and keep an eye on him, I only have one class with him though, how about you?" Wesley responds and looks at his boyfriend, hoping that he has more than that.

"I got two with him, but come on Wesley he isn't a baby and he will get annoyed if we crowd him." Carter answers, but he is concerned himself, he had only skimmed over psychology but he knew it might be something serious or at least the start of something serious.

"So you think it could be serious too?" Wesley then asks, he may have no interest in following his parents or boyfriend into anything to do with medicine, but he had read enough books in his dads waiting room and at home to know that their friend could be having a breakdown.

"We are kids who have read a few books Wesley, is there a chance well yeah he could be having some sort of breakdown, but then if you look at anyone close enough you could think up all sorts of problems they might have, let's just talk to him tomorrow and I bet he will be fine, well not fine but I bet he will have realised that he isn't some kind of monster." Carter responds, while he shared his boyfriends concerns, he felt like they were just going round in circles and working themselves up, he knew it was considerably more likely they were wrong and wasn't going to ruin the rest of their day getting upset.

"Okay fine, but let's get something to eat and drink, then we can have a bit of fun and try some of that other lube." Wesley suggests, he wasn't going to stop worrying but he could see his boyfriends point and knew it was pointless trying to figure it out now.

"Only if we go naked." Carter states as he starts to strip off, he knew his parents wouldn't be home for hours and he really wanted to see his boyfriend naked, he just loved his body, especially his muscles, they weren't huge and gross, but were just perfect in his opinion.

"Pervert." Wesley responds with a grin and starts to strip, he knew that his boyfriend loved his body and could tell when he he flexed it made his boyfriend almost drool and likewise he loved his boyfriends body, there was only a tiny bit of muscle, but neither was there any fat and he just thought he was perfect.

"Shut up and kiss me." Carter then states in a firm tone and kisses his boyfriend as he steps out of his briefs.

"You have fun boys?" Mitch asks as he watches the two boys swim to the side of the pool in front of them.

"Yeah." Tobias answers happily, although he is really tired now and just wants to do a bit of sunbathing.

"It was good, I'm going to do some lengths though." Ben answers and gives his boyfriend a quick look before pushing away and swimming to one end of the pool.

"Need help getting out Tobias?" Mitch asks the boy, who hadn't made any attempt to get out of the water yet.

"Yeah please." Tobias responds with a shy smile, he could do it himself but he was tired and wasn't embarrassed to take the offer of help.

"Hold your hand up then." Mitch instructs the boy as he leans over the edge of the pool and chuckles as he lets out a squeal of delight as he is lifted out of the pool.

"So cool." Tobias then states before looking down at his brother. "What's wrong Matt?" He asks in a concerned tone, it wasn't like he was crying or anything, but the way he was just staring at the pool and he assumed Ben, was a little sad to see.

"Why don't you two go make some food and drink for us all." Matt suggests, ignoring his brothers question without taking his eyes away from his boyfriend.

"Come on Tobias, I need the toilet any way and I bet you do too." Mitch then tells the boy, he was still not sure if he should leave them like this, but he knew that unless he wanted to cause a scene and upset Matt, he had to go and would make sure to give them as much time as he could and also decided to use the time to talk to Tobias about what he saw the previous night after he had walked into their room.

"Matt?" Tobias asks as he stops his big brother from pulling him towards the house.

"It's fine Tobias, I promise." Matt answers with a warm smile as he turns to his brother. "Seriously it's alright." He then adds, hoping his brother listens and goes with Mitch.

"Okay." Tobias responds and this time when his big brother pulls on his arm he walks with him, although he knows something is up and just has to trust that it will be alright.

"Ben." Matt calls out after waiting for his brother and Mitch to disappear inside the house, but doesn't get any reply. "Ben get over here." He then calls out again and this time gets up and sits at the edge of the pool with his feet in the water, he was feeling a little better but was still a little hesitant to swim to his boyfriend. "Ben come on." He calls out one more time, but his boyfriend was either ignoring him or genuinely couldn't hear him.

So deciding to go to his boyfriend, he slips into the water and slowly starts to swim to the middle of the pool, his boyfriend was at the other end but he figured by the time he got to the middle his boyfriend would be there, but even as he got half way to where he intended, he felt his foot throbbing and his pelvis ceasing up and started to really struggle and started to flap about and tries to call out, but every time he opens his mouth he just takes in water and realises that he was stupid to get in the water and just as he starts to go under, he suddenly feels someone grabbing him and when he feels himself being pulled above the surface he sees his boyfriends face looking at him in concern.

"What the hell are you doing?" Ben asks and immediately slaps himself mentally, he should have been asking if he was alright, but he was still upset with himself and wasn't thinking straight.

"You were ignoring me and I wanted to speak to you." Matt answers after coughing a few times, he was a little hurt by his boyfriends attitude, but the shock of almost drowning had him distracted enough to not get angry.

"Oh shit, I wasn't ignoring you Matt, I was just er... shit sorry, it's all my fault." Ben then states, before looking around and realising that they were alone. "Where did Mitch and Tobias go." He then asks, he hadn't realised they weren't there, he just saw his boyfriend going under the water and reacted.

"I told them to go inside, but why are you ignoring me?" Matt asks after explaining why the other two weren't there, deciding to try and get his boyfriend to talk.

"I'm not ignoring you." Ben responds unconvincingly and knows his boyfriend can see right through his lie.

"Help me out to the side and then you're going to tell me what you did." Matt then instructs his boyfriend in a firm tone, he was still going with his gut feeling that his boyfriend had done something or at the very least thought he had.

"No." Ben states firmly, he was terrified of telling his boyfriend and wasn't going to just swim to the side and tell him.

"Either you help me and tell me what is up with you or I will sleep in the house and not speak to you until you tell me." Matt responds in a serious tone and stares at his boyfriend, surprising himself that he actually meant it and wasn't bluffing.

"I will help you out of the water, but there is nothing to tell Matt." Ben then says and this times really tries to sound convincing, but again he can see that his boyfriend isn't buying it and tries to think of some excuse that would explain his behaviour.

"Then hurry up and I will get Mitch to move my stuff into the house, there are plenty of rooms and it's not like we have a bed anyway, well not one I can use, but I guess you might as well keep the waterbed now." Matt then states and again surprises himself by just how serious he is about this and wonders what the hell he is doing, he knew this was mean and if his boyfriend threatened him like this he would be so angry with him.

"Please don't make me tell you, Matt please it's nothing and please." Ben then pleads, he had tried to think of an excuse, but his boyfriends threat had just thrown him off completely and he knew he wasn't bluffing.

"If it's nothing then you can tell me." Matt then says and Ben realises that he had no comeback to that and couldn't stop himself from crying. "Ben just talk to me, we don't lie to each other remember and if it was the other way around you would want me to tell you." Matt then states, although he is also a little nervous as his boyfriends grip on his slips a little and he almost goes back under water, before being gripped and held tightly as his boyfriend realises what is happening. "Ben please tell me." He then asks again and begins to rub his boyfriends back.

"I wished you were dead." Ben then whispers and Matt only just made out the words and knew he must have misheard his boyfriend, he couldn't possibly have said what he thought he had said.

"What?" Matt asks, still hoping he misheard because this was not even close to what he was expecting and he didn't know how to even begin to deal with it.

"Earlier, when I saw how much you struggled to swim, it just came into my head for like a split second and I'm so sorry Matt, I know you hate me now." Ben says, as he starts to swim backwards to one of the ladders to get out of the pool, he just knew his boyfriend would never speak to him again and just wanted to get him out of the pool before running away himself.

"You better not run away when we get out." Matt then states, almost hissing as he feels himself getting angry, but while he was devastated now, he also knew that he was overreacting a little bit and that his boyfriend obviously was punishing himself for thinking that and knew they needed to talk about it right now.

"You hate me though, I'm disgusting and don't deserve you any more." Ben responds in a confused but sad tone and wished he had thought of some stupid but believable lie to avoid telling his boyfriend the truth.

"Just get me out of the pool and we can talk about it." Matt states in the same harsh tone, he had wanted to come across a lot less hostile, but failed badly and he could tell his boyfriend was devastated when he feels him shudder a little and realises that his boyfriend was not okay and knew despite being upset. he needed him this time and he owed him that and much more.

"Okay." Ben responds as they reach the side and he helps his boyfriend to climb the steps and then holds him under the shoulder and walks him nervously to their towels, which were on the other side of the pool and every step felt like he was walking to to his death.

"Sit down Ben." Matt then tells him, although this time he manages to say it in a warm tone and gives his boyfriend a smile, he was still hurt by his words, but it was so clear that his boyfriend didn't mean it and was hurting himself and he couldn't let him think he hated him.

"You can keep the pool house, I will live in the house, you deserve to have your own space." Ben then says as he sits down and stares at the ground.

"Don't be a dumb ass Ben, just talk to me and tell me what happened again and then we can figure out what happened." Matt responds, deciding to just try and get his boyfriend talking and hoping that they can both get over it.

"I told you, I saw you struggling and with everything else, I just thought you wouldn't suffer any more if you were dead." Ben answers honestly, he didn't see the point in lying now and knew his boyfriend would hate him and could feel the tears rolling down his face.

"So you want me to die?" Matt then asks, although the thought hurt him more than he thought possible, he also started to wonder if it was just one of those things people thought when a loved one was in pain, he was sure he had seen it in some hospital shows he had watched, like when someone was in a coma or something and it was only because the person loved them and if this was like that, then he could accept that.

"No, no I never want you to die, I love you Matt and couldn't bare you not being with me." Ben quickly responds and looks at his boyfriend as tears continue to run down his face and Matt can't help but want to cuddle and kiss him, but he knew if he did that he might not be able to get him to talk about this again and could tell he was feeling guilty and that it might eat away at him.

"So it was just like a second and then it went away?" Matt then asks, struggling to not just smoother his boyfriend with kisses, but was sure that this was the right thing to do.

"I didn't mean to think it." Ben then says and starts sniffling, he just hated himself so much and all his friends words from earlier and their reassurance that he shouldn't hate himself just vanished and he starts to imagine how he is going to cope with his boyfriend hating him.

"Well you're a prick for thinking that, but I think it's normal for those kind of thoughts, I mean it hurts Ben, it hurts a lot but I don't hate you or anything." Matt decides to say, he had thought about a few ways to take the conversation, but he just felt like he should just make sure his boyfriend knew he didn't hate him and then hopefully help him to stop feeling guilty.

"But I wished you were dead, I'm a monster and I hate myself." Ben then states, he just couldn't believe his boyfriend was saying what he was and was sure it was a trick.

"Mr Jones and my dad are monsters Ben, you're are my boyfriend and I love you and I know that you love me, so you can quit thinking you're like them, because you're the kindest and best person I know." Matt responds and despite resisting a few moments ago he can't help but take his boyfriends hand and rub it gently. "I mean it Ben, but I need you to tell me everything, then we can just enjoy the rest of the day together." He then adds, before sliding a little closer to his boyfriend.

"Stop it, stop being so nice, I wished you were dead and I hate myself." Ben then states and quickly gets to his feet and runs to the pool house, leaving Matt looking on stunned and scared of what just happened while he watches his boyfriend disappear inside their home.

"Tobias last night, did you er... oh shit, look last night when I came home Tobias you were er... was that your first time?" Mitch asks nervously, they were in their room and just sitting on their beds and he couldn't believe how hard he was finding this, although it was probably the fact they were both naked that made it even more awkward.

"First time for what?" Tobias asks in response, he only did one thing last night that was his first and there was no way his big brother could know about that.

"Tobias when I walked in last night, you were laying naked and uncovered, with your penis in your hand and well it doesn't take a genius to work out what you had done." Mitch then states, deciding to just come out with it and instantly he can see the boy blushing and looking mortified at what he had just said.

"But... but I covered myself up, I woke with my er... no, no you no, no you didn't see me, you couldn't." Tobias then states and just can't believe that his big brother saw him like that and knew what he had done. "Me trouble now?" He then asks, thinking that he must be in trouble and is going to get punished.

"Well I did and we have a lot to talk about Tobias, but you aren't in trouble and I have caught your brothers doing worse and even Carter and Wesley, so don't get too upset please." Mitch answers honestly, while thinking about walking in on his little brother and Matt a few times and then seeing Carter with Wesley's cum on his face and then hearing them in the hospital toilet that time, all made what he had walked into the night before pretty tame in comparison.

"Me not allowed to do it no more?" Tobias then asks, resisting the urge to ask about the other boys and just focusing on his own embarrassment.

"No way Tobias, all boys do it and it's perfectly natural, however you need to do it in private and get cleaned up and cover yourself up afterwards, your mum almost walked into the room just after I did and that would have been, well that would have been mortifying for everyone involved." Mitch answers and can see the mention of Sarah has embarrassed the boy even more, when he turns an even deeper shade of red.

"Sorry." Tobias the apologises meekly, he was just embarrassed and could feel a few tears roll down his cheek and seeing this Mitch gets up and sits next to him with his arm over his shoulder.

"In a little while I will tell you about the time my dad walked in on me in the shower and trust me when I say Tobias, that me walking in on you asleep with your penis in your hand, is nothing compared to what happened to me." Mitch then states and while it was probably the most humiliating thing to have ever happened to him, it was proving to be a great story to help the boys through some tough experiences in their young lives.

"What happened?" Tobias then asks, but Mitch had other things to say before he told that story and just smiled at the boy for a few moments.

"I will tell you in a little while, but first you have to tell me if that was your first time masturbating, I know it's embarrassing but we already have to go through the sex talk again in a little while, so let's just get it all out now and hopefully never have to talk about it again for a long time." Mitch answers with a smile and is glad that the boy seems to accept what he had just been told, if not turning a little more red in the process.

"I played with it before, but this time I didn't stop when I thought I was going to pee." Tobias answers honestly as he looks to the floor and just found the whole thing embarrassing, just a few minutes ago he was playing and having fun and now he was talking about touching himself and knew it was just going to get more embarrassing.

"So it was your first orgasm?" Mitch then asks, he really didn't want to embarrass him, but it was best he got this over with and just try not to humiliate him in anyway.

"Yeah, it was so cool." Tobias answers and again just stares at the floor, he understood the point of the conversation and with what happened with Erica the evening before and obviously knowing now that Mitch saw what he had done last night, along with his growing interest in girls, that it was just something he needed to know.

"Next time you have to make sure you cover yourself up though, I know that you were tired anyway and after your orgasm that would have made you even more tired, but just make sure if you do it before you go to sleep to cover yourself up and I will make sure your mum or my dad don't come in here at night or in the mornings from now on just in case." Mitch then tells him and again doesn't push him for too much information and just kept it to the basics.

"Is stuff meant to come out?" Tobias then asks, catching Mitch by surprise as he was hoping to get away with avoiding going into details, but he knew he had to still do a good job, otherwise he would just be going through this chat again in the near future.

"Did something come out?" Mitch decides to ask, instead of answering the question directly, he didn't see anything on the boy and couldn't see how he would have cleared it up, then just leave himself exposed like he was.

"No, but isn't stuff meant to come out?" Tobias answers in a curious tone, he remembered the first talk he had with Mitch and he talked about sperm, but he had already forgotten most of it.

"It is different for every boy Tobias, some can cum when they are like ten or eleven and some not until they are like thirteen or fourteen, but there is no set age and you just have to wait until your body is ready." Mitch explains, although he wished he had an actual answer for the boy, as he was just going of what he had seen on a TV show and didn't know if he was accurate with his age examples.

"Can me ask others if they make sperm?" Tobias then asks, he wanted to find out if his brothers or friends could, but at the same time he didn't want to make a fool out of himself or embarrass them if it was something you weren't meant to ask that sort of question.

"Well to be honest it depends on the person, some are shy and some won't mind telling you Tobias, for me when I grew up, me and my friends were very close and we were always comparing our sizes and bragging about being able to cum and I'm pretty sure if you ask Ben, Matt, Carter and Wesley they will answer any questions you have and just to help you on your way, I can tell you that Wesley can cum Tobias, so you can ask him first if you want and he will be honest with you." Mitch answers, he figured the boys would be open with Tobias and they all knew that he had missed out on a lot of growing up over the past couple of years.

"I speak Matt and Ben first, me not see others until weekend." Tobias then says with a small smile and for the first time feels confident enough to look at his big brother, although he can still feel himself blushing.

"If that is what you want to do, but let's have another crack at the birds and the bees talk Tobias and this time don't pretend you understand something if you don't okay." Mitch then tells him and he smiles when he sees him blush even more and knows he is ready.

"I promise, I just still not ready when you said first time, but me ready now me promise." Tobias answers and despite feeling a bit embarrassed still, he knew he needed to understand this puberty thing and Mitch just smiles at him before beginning round two of 'the talk' with the boy.

"Ben open up please." Matt calls out through the door again, he had struggled to even get to the door and was surprised to find that it was locked.

"Go away." Ben calls out, he was busy getting dressed and just needed to get away from his boyfriend.

"Ben I'm tired and in pain, just let me in and I will leave you alone, just don't leave me out..." Matt then begins to say, but stops as the door suddenly opens.

"Hold your arms out." Ben then says, he may hate himself and want to be away from his boyfriend, but he wasn't going to leave him in pain.

"Okay." Matt responds, letting his boyfriend pick him up and wraps his legs around his waist as he is carried over to the sofa bed. "Ben I understand what happened and like I said it hurts that you thought it, but I've said worse things to you and you've never hated me and I don't hate you for this." He then states, deciding that while his boyfriend was holding him, it was the best chance to get him talking and just hoped it worked, he had noticed his boyfriend was dressed and was sure he was going to run of somewhere.

"You've been through horrible things though, I'm just a stupid and disgusting boy who deserves to be hated." Ben responds, but as he tries to lower his boyfriend on to the sofa bed, he just feels him hold on tighter. "Let go Matt." He then states and while he tries his best to sound firm, he knows it was a weak request.

"Oh fuck off Ben." Matt responds firmly and he can tell that his boyfriend wasn't expecting that and decides to up the ante and starts to kiss his neck.

"Stop it Matt, stop being so nice and stop doing that." Ben protests and again tries to put his boyfriend down, but this time loses his balance and just ends up on top of him on the bed.

"You stop being a complete moron and I will stop, well actually I'm just going to keep kissing you either way." Matt responds and tightens his grip on his boyfriend before resuming kissing his boyfriends neck.

"STOP IT... STOP IT... STOP IT NOW!" Ben then shouts out and this time when he tries to pull away he succeeds, then looks down at his boyfriends shocked expression. "You don't understand." He then adds before quickly turning away from his boyfriend and running to the door.

"Ben wait, Ben please just talk to..." Matt begins to say, but just stops talking as he watches his boyfriend opening the door and disappearing from sight, he just didn't have a clue what was going on with his boyfriend and was scared of what he might do and decides to call his friends to see if they could help.

"I can't believe how much that tingled, it just felt so good." Wesley states in a surprised yet happy tone, when his boyfriend described the lubes before he wasn't totally convinced, but after trying the tingly one he just loved it and thought it was amazing.

"Oh, oh get it off, get it off Carter, it's weird get it off." Carter then states in a teasing tone, while grinning at his boyfriend.

"You fucking prick." Wesley responds with his own grin and quickly pulls his boyfriend down and rolls over so he in on top of his boyfriend. "I knew you wouldn't let that go." He then says, before leaning down and kissing his boyfriends nose and smiles when he scrunches it up and lets out an adorable giggle, he really loved the sound of his boyfriend giggling and kisses his nose another three times before giving him a chance to talk.

"Oh come on, it was so funny and I got it off didn't I." Carter responds with a cheesy grin, he just loved his boyfriend so much and loved when he kissed his nose like that.

"Yeah you did, you little pervert." Wesley states with a wry smiling, remembering the blow job and quickly feels himself getting hard again just by the thought of it. "Although I don't see how two fingers going up my bum was getting it off." He then adds and smiles even more when he hears his boyfriend giggle again.

"Well it helped get you off." Carter answers before quickly rolling his boyfriend over so he could be on top again. "And you're hard again." He then adds as he starts to grind himself against him and giggles when his boyfriend starts to moan.

"So are you." Wesley retorts, before rolling his boyfriend over again, but this time he is a little too forceful and they both fall off the bad and hit the floor hard.

"Oww." Carter then groans as he feels his whole left side hurting.

"Oh fuck, are you alright?" Wesley quickly asks in a concerned tone, his arm and knee hurt a little, but he was just worried about his boyfriend as he sort of landed on top of him.

"You know if you keep doing that, I'm going to kick you arse." Carter responds, he wasn't seriously hurt and would just be sore for a little while, but this wasn't the first time his boyfriend got a little carried away and knew that while he only had a single bed, it wouldn't be the last time.

"Sorry." Wesley then apologises and knew that his boyfriend wasn't mad at him, but he still felt guilty for hurting him.

"I'm just hoping my parents take the hint and buy me a double or king sized bed for my birthday." Carter then says after giving his boyfriend a loving kiss, just so he knows he isn't in trouble.

"Still leaving books open and telling them how cool my bed is?" Wesley then asks as he gets to his feet, before pulling his boyfriend to his.

"Yeah, it's not that far away and I just hope they get me the right one." Carter answers, before grinning a little as he notices that they were both soft now.

"Want to just kiss for a while?" Wesley then asks as he climbs on to his boyfriends bed and lays on his side.

"You really have to ask?" Carter asks in response as he joins his boyfriend on his bed and is just about to lean in, when his boyfriends phone starts ringing.

"Oh shit, it must be Ben again." Wesley states as he sits up and reaches over to his phone.

"Why do I need to put one on a banana?" Tobias asks as he holds the banana in one hand and the small packet in the other, while looking at his big brother in confusion.

"Because er... well because er... look just do it alright, just like I told you how to." Mitch answers with a shake of the head, he hadn't done this with his little brother or Matt, but with Tobias's interest in girls he felt like he had to include this, but wishes he just showed him how to put one on his penis instead of using a banana, as it obviously just confused the boy.

"I thought you put willies in girls though." Tobias points out and again just looks at the banana and packet with a confused look, his penis was tiny compared to it and couldn't work out why a girl would want a banana inside her.

"You do, but the banana is just to help you learn how to put a condom on Tobias, you don't put a banana in a girl to have sex with her." Mitch quickly explains, resisting the urge to face palm at the boys misunderstanding, while knowing that it was his own fault for confusing him.

"Why not just put it on my willy then?" Tobias asks, thinking that using a banana was pointless when he could just put it on his actual willy and Mitch wishes again he just did that in the first place, instead of trying to teach him the same way his dad had taught him.

"Do you really want to get a boner in front of me and then try to put a condom on it?" Mitch then asks, trying to hide the fact the boy is right and he was overcomplicating things, although he felt like an bit of a jerk for trying to save face instead of just helping him understand.

"I not mind if it you Mitch." Tobias answers honestly, sure it would be embarrassing still, but they had both seen each other with one a few times now and this was something he apparently had to learn, so he was willing to do it.

"Oh well er... go on then." Mitch instructs him in a surprised tone, he wasn't expecting him to be that willing and still wasn't quite sure he wanted to see the boy get himself hard and try to put a condom on, even if they were having the sex talk and had seen each other with boners, this was definitely not something he was comfortable with.

"No fun of me promise?" Tobias then asks as he puts the banana down and moves his hand to his willy, but just holds it until his big brother promises to not make fun of him, although this wasn't a totally innocent act as he knew he might have to touch himself when he played strip poker and dares with the others next weekend and thought this might help him not be as embarrassed about it then.

"I promise." Mitch answers, but keeps his eyes off the boy and tries to ignore the noises coming from across the room and was glad that he had moved back to his own bed a few moments earlier.

"I don't get it." Tobias then says and Mitch nervously looks back at him, but makes sure he just looks to his face.

"Get what?" Mitch asks just as nervously, he had explained what to do already and was half dreading what he was getting confused about.

"I thought it was meant to go over my willy." Tobias explains and Mitch has to try hard to not laugh out loud, when he realises that he had either forgotten what he told him earlier or just didn't understand.

"Tobias you have to hold it over the tip and roll it down your boner, just remember what I told you earlier and hold the little nub bit at the top and just slide the rest down." Mitch instructs him and despite not wanting to, he looks down to make sure he is doing it right, but this time can't stop himself chuckling as he sees that the boy must have stretched it out before waiting for him to explain how to do it.

"You promised no fun of me." Tobias then states in an angry tone and quickly gets to his feet and Mitch quickly realises that he just messed up and gets to his feet to hold him by the shoulders.

"You can be angry with me later and I really am sorry for laughing Tobias, but sit back down and try again, but this time don't stretch it out, you need to hold it over your tip and while holding the little nub bit, roll the ring part down okay." Mitch tells the boy in a warm tone, hoping he hadn't really upset him too much and that he could get through the rest of this talk without humiliating him any further.

"It not me fault I don't know to do." Tobias then complains as he sits down, but when he looks down he sees that he is now soft and lets out a little sniffle and Mitch realises what happened and mentally slaps himself for being such an idiot.

"Tobias I fucked up, so how about I tell you that embarrassing story I told you about earlier and then you can laugh at me a little." Mitch then suggests and can see that while he still has his work cut out, it had got his attention and he could see his eyes light up a little.

"Okay." Tobias responds, he had been wondering what the story was and he also knew that his big brother wasn't making fun of him and he had laughed at a few things that he knew he shouldn't have done many times and wasn't going to get mad at him, but as soon as his big brother starts telling the story his mouth opens wide as he quickly guesses what will happen, although by the time the story is over, he will realise he underestimated just how bad it actual was going to turn out.

"No we haven't heard from him Matt." Wesley states after his friend had quickly given him a run down of what happened and he was debating whether to mention the fact that Ben had called them earlier and told them about what he had thought.

"Can you two go look for him please?" Matt then asks, he wanted to go himself, but he was in no condition to be walking around town and with his mum and Mike out somewhere, Mitch wouldn't be able to leave him and Tobias alone, so his friends were the only ones he could ask.

"Of course, any idea where he might go though?" Wesley answers, ignoring the look from his boyfriend, who he knew wanted him to tell their friend that Ben had called them earlier and that they had already known what he was upset about.

"I've never seen him like this, I mean I can think of a few places, but I really don't know for sure." Matt answers and just feels useless and tries to get up but quickly lays back down and groans, almost as soon as he had been laid on the bed and his body relaxed, it had just seized up and stiffened too much for him to get back up.

"Matt are you alright?" Carter then asks in a concerned tone, the phone had been on speaker for the entire conversation, but he had kept quiet through most of it, but hearing his friend groaning had him worried.

"Yeah, well no but I will be fine, just find Ben please." Matt responds, if he was actually in a lot of pain he would ask for help, but he knew he just need to rest for a little while and was just worried about his boyfriend.

"Okay, but I'm going to stay here and keep talking with you, while Wesley goes looking for him." Carter then states and points to his boyfriends clothes and smiles when he gets the hint and begins to get dressed.

"Why aren't you going?" Matt then asks and Carter can hear the annoyance in his friends tone and knows what he is thinking straight away and normally he might have been angry and hurt that his friend would think it, but he knew this wasn't his fault and he couldn't blame him for being on edge.

"Ben might come here Matt and if both of us go looking for him we could miss him, plus I will just slow Wesley down if I went with him." Carter explains and smiles when his boyfriend blows him a kiss.

"Oh right sorry, look just tell Wesley to try the park and try that bench and that tree we showed you that time, you know the one where me and Ben liked to go to be alone and er... then try his old house, Mitch told me that no one has moved in it yet and he might have gone there." Matt suggests, he knew he was being rude and just hoped his friends knew he didn't mean it and was just worried about his boyfriend.

"Matt, do you want me to bring him home to you or just bring him back here and look after him?" Wesley then asks, he had just finished getting dressed and wanted to know what to do if he actually found his friend.

"Just talk to him and then decide Wesley, I really want him back here, but I just think he will run off again, just let me know if you find him though, just so I know he is safe please." Matt answers and can't stop himself sniffling, he just couldn't stop himself thinking something might happen to his boyfriend.

"I got it, but I have to hang up so I can take my phone with me Matt, just call Carter's okay." Wesley then states, realising that they were speaking on his phone and that he would need it.

"Okay and thank you so much." Matt responds and hangs up straight away.

"Oh shit Wesley, we should have done something earlier when Ben phoned up." Carter then states, he didn't know what they could have done, but they should have gone to their friends house and at least kept an eye on him or tried to call Mitch to give him a heads up.

"I know and you were right, we should have told Matt about him calling us as well, shit we just need to find Ben and make sure he is alright, otherwise this is all our fault and shit Carter you were right." Wesley then says, but he knows he has to get his head together and starts walking to the door.

"Try the house first, it's closer than the park, if he isn't at either of those then try the school field." Carter then suggests, before pulling his boyfriend in for a quick kiss, which starts to linger until his phone starts ringing. "Just find him Wesley." He then says, before walking over to his phone.

"I will." Wesley responds before leaving the room.

"Yeah he just left Matt and well I got to tell you something we should have told you earlier." Carter states nervously, but despite knowing it might get him and his boyfriend in trouble, he knew it would come out anyway and it would be better if they told their friend first.

"You okay?" Peter asks, he had been walking through the park to meet someone when he heard someone crying behind one of the trees nearest to him and was surprised to see who it was.

"Go away." Ben answers, before burying his head further into his hands.

"Did something happen to Matt?" Peter then asks in a nervous tone, everyone knew that Matt and Ben were boyfriends now and everyone knew what happened to Matt, so he just took a guess that something must have happened to him for Ben to be crying.

"FUCK OFF!" Ben then shouts and despite the fact he was sitting on the ground with his knees drawn up to his chest, Peter backs off a little in fear and knew he wasn't even close to being a match in a fight with him, especially if he was angry.

"Should I call someone?" Peter then asks, he might have walked away a few days ago, but knowing that he had a chance to join their group of friends, he felt he had to try and help if that was ever going to happen and just tried to not show how scared he was.

"FUCK OFF!" Ben repeats, he just wanted to be alone and cry, not have some random do gooder trying to comfort him.

"Well I'm just going to sit here for a while then." Peter states as he sits down a few metres away from the crying boy, he knew he could just go and that Ben probably didn't even know it was him, he hadn't even looked up once, but he really did want to join their group of friends and wanted to do the right thing.

"You aren't mad at us?" Carter asks in a surprised tone, he had explained how Ben had called them earlier and was upset and then how they thought they had calmed him down, which was now obviously not the case, but he expected his friend to be angry for not doing something more.

"What's the point? He came out of the pool house and was weird, but he really looked like he had fun playing with Tobias, I just think something else is going on with him as well." Matt responds, sure he could get angry that they didn't come round or phone him or Mitch to warn them what was wrong with his boyfriend, but he was just focused on his boyfriend right now and wanted him to be alright.

"Like what?" Carter asks, deciding that he shouldn't push his friend about being angry at them.

"I don't know Carter, but it can't just be about wishing I was dead for a split second, I mean yeah that hurts a lot, but then all the times I told him I wished I was dead and then trying to hurt and actual kill myself in the hospital, it's not that bad compared to what I did, so something else must be upsetting him." Matt explains, but as much as he tried he just couldn't think of anything that made sense, he even thought about his attacks and how he punched him earlier and tried to kill Tobias, but ruled that out as he was completely fine and knew his boyfriend wouldn't be angry at him for it and there was the fact it was clearly something his boyfriend blamed himself for and not something he did, well at least that is what he thought was happening.

"Well we kind of thought that too, but we couldn't think of anything, up until he called us he has been fine Matt, well okay that week you two fell out was hell for everyone, but he hasn't shown any signs of being depressed before as far as I have noticed." Carter then states, but as he says the word he actually starts to wonder, after everything that has happened they could see that Matt might get depressed, but he never and he was sure no one else gave any thought to Ben getting depressed and wondered if they have missed something.

"Depressed?" Matt asks, thinking the same as his friend and wondering if that might be what is happening.

"So much has happened Matt, I mean it's possible that he is depressed but I don't know, I have only read a few books Matt and please don't think everything I say is right or even close to being right." Carter responds nervously, he was aware that his friends seemed to be coming to him a lot about medical stuff and while that is something he was very interested in, he was just a kid and didn't really know anything above the basics and even then that was stretching what he actually knew.

"Sorry if we do that to you." Matt then says, despite worrying about his boyfriend he could tell by his friends tone and words that maybe they have been pressuring him a little bit when it comes to their problems and knew it wasn't fair.

"It's alright, but it's a bit like if I kept coming to you about anything to do with music and asking you to tell me how you make a piano because you can play it or how to play a harp just because you can play a guitar and they both have strings, it's a crap analogy I know but you get my point right." Carter explains, hoping that despite the crappy analogy, his friend understood what he was trying to say.

"I will tell the others to back of a bit for you, we just trust you Carter is all and well I just want you to know that your help with the physio stuff has been so good and thank you so much." Matt then says and feels guilty that his friend felt like they were expecting him to have all the answers and again knew it wasn't fair.

"Matt I know you're worried about Ben, but do you want to talk about something else, just to give yourself a break for a little while, I don't want you to get too worked up and well I got something to tell you that might get me in trouble with Wesley, but it's worth it." Carter then states, while trying to hide his nervousness, he knew his boyfriend might be a little annoyed, but they didn't have many secrets from their two friends and it was great having someone else to talk to about that kind of thing.

"You pervert." Matt responds, deciding to go along with his friend and just get his mind of his boyfriend for a few minutes and knew that it would do him good, especially knowing that his friend was going to tell him something naughty.

"Nothing you haven't at least talked to Ben about doing with each other." Carter retorts and from his friends little chuckle he knows he isn't far off.

"So what did you do to each other?" Matt then asks, but as his friend starts to explain things his mouth just hangs open, he was expecting something more than just groping and kissing, but this was just amazing and he had to admit, it turned him on a little as he thought about what it would be like with his boyfriend.

"I'm sorry for what I did to Carter." Peter decides to say, it had been almost ten minutes of him listening to his potential friend crying and sniffling, so he just decided to try a different approach to getting him to talk and guessed that he would know about what happened at school.

"What?" Ben asks in a confused tone, he still wanted to be left alone, but he couldn't stop his curiosity getting the better of him this time and when he looked up to see who was there, he couldn't be more surprised. "Peter." He then states, he had no idea who had sat next to him, but he would never have guessed it was him and wondered why he would even bother sitting with him for all this time.

"I know they would have told you what I did and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry and I hate myself for it." Peter then explains, he had done a few things in his life that he was embarrassed about, even more so when he was around people like Jarred Miller, but what happened with Carter was the first time he had been ashamed of himself and he did hate himself for becoming someone who did that to another person.

"Oh that." Ben half mumbles, but instantly realises how selfish he is being, this boy who he barely even knew existed, had sat with him while he cried without judging him in the slightest and was genuinely apologising for hurting his friend, so he decided to try and pull himself together. "You shouldn't have done it though, especially to Carter you prick." He then adds and while it wasn't quite the olive branch he was meant to offer, it was what it was and if this boy was really sorry, then he would take it on the chin.

"I know, I should have just walked away." Peter then states, but while Ben knew he should be forgiving, he couldn't help himself in his current mood.

"Walked away? Just walk away you prick, you should have tried to stop it or went for help, not just FUCKING WALK AWAY!" Ben responds and could see the boy flinching in fear, but to his surprise he made no attempt to run away and just looked ready to take whatever he got.

"Then they would have done the same to me, they're arseholes Ben and I was scared." Peter then states in a sad tone, he knew it was a pathetic excuse, but it was the truth and it just made him feel even more ashamed of himself.

"So you volunteered to kick Carter in the balls because you were scared? Fuck off Peter, if you didn't want to hurt him you could have just done something that wouldn't really hurt much, but you didn't." Ben then states as he sits up and looks at the boy and knew that if he wasn't so angry with himself, he wouldn't be this harsh on him, but he couldn't stop himself from venting and he seemed willing to take it.

"If you want to hurt me I won't try to stop you." Peter then states and as soon as Ben takes in his words, all his anger vanishes and he just looks at the boy in shock.

"What?" Ben asks, he just couldn't work out what was happening and as angry as he was, he had no intention of hurting him.

"I deserve it, I'm pathetic and weak, I just hate myself so much." Peter responds and shifts so that he is kneeling with his arms behind his back.

"What are you doing?" Ben then asks in a shocked tone, he wasn't sure what was going on but he wasn't going to hurt him, he knew that much and despite his own problems he can't help but want to help him.

"Letting you beat me up." Peter answers, before looking to the ground and closing his eyes.

"Peter quit it, I'm not beating you up and just the fact you would take a beating proves that you aren't pathetic or weak, you just need better friends to hang around with." Ben responds honestly, he had to admit the distraction was doing him the world of good and he was grateful that he had not scared him away earlier.

"Carter and Wesley said the same thing, but I don't think Carter wants me anywhere near him, although they told me to make friends with you guys, but if he hates me then that isn't going to work." Peter then states as he relaxes a little and sits back down with his legs crossed.

"Carter doesn't hate you, but it's going to take a while before he forgives you and if you were really sorry then you won't mind earning it." Ben states in a neutral tone, while taking in the boy sitting in front of him and thought he looked a little weird, not bad or ugly weird, but he had an interesting look.

"I just want to be happy and have friends that aren't arseholes." Peter responds, although he can't help but notice that he is being checked out and sighs a little bit.

"What's wrong now?" Ben asks bluntly and again slaps himself mentally, he was meant to sound concerned but he was still not quite thinking straight and just hoped he didn't upset him any further.

"You're looking at me like people always do." Peter answers, before looking down at the ground between his crossed legs, he hated people staring at him like that, but at the same time he couldn't help but think about Alex, he was the one person who never made him feel ugly or weird and he really felt like he wanted to go and see him.

"Sorry, you just look weird." Ben answers and quickly holds his hand over his mouth, he couldn't believe he just said that out loud and felt like a compete jerk and could see the hurt in the boys eyes when he looks up at him.

"Bye, I hope you feel better soon." Peter then says as he starts to get to his feet, but is surprised to feel his hands being held and looks at Ben in confusion.

"I fucked up Peter, but well you know I'm gay and I love Matt, but well you look weird, not bad weird Peter but interesting weird, it's like I look at you now and I see you, not just someone you look at and forget, but look at and remember." Ben states with a warm smile, although he just realised he referred to himself as being gay, instead of pansexual, just like his boyfriend had done before and he had to admit it didn't feel any different and that made him feel a little better inside.

"Oh." Peter responds, not really knowing what to think of his potential friends words, only Alex had said something like that to him before and it took him by surprise. "You never noticed me before though and we have been at the same school since, well forever." He then states, thinking that maybe this was some kind of joke and he was being set up.

"I never really noticed many people before Peter, I mean I had my circle of friends and never had any interest in getting to know everyone else and it's not like I used to stare at boys to see what they looked like." Ben responds and sits back as he lets the other boys hands go, he didn't think he would leave now and didn't feel like holding them for the rest of the day.

"So I'm not ugly?" Peter then asks, people always made fun of him and stared at him and just assumed there was something wrong with him.

"I don't think so, I like your freckles, I mean they aren't like really noticeable, but just enough to make you take notice and the grey eyes are cool, although you might want to do some plucking because you got a bit of a unibrow thing going on." Ben answers with a shy smile, he had to admit the boy was cute in his own way and felt guilty enough from his earlier comment, to boost the boys ego a little by being honest.

"You're so cool." Peter then says, he could see why Wesley had seemed to moved so quickly to the group if they were all like Ben appeared to be.

"Thank you for sitting with me." Ben then says in a sincere tone, even though he was far from being alright, he couldn't deny that he was feeling better now and that was thanks to the boy sitting in front of him.

"Want to talk about what happened to make you that upset?" Peter then asks with a small smile, he really wanted to help and hoped he wasn't going to make him angry or upset again for mentioning it.

"Not with you." Ben answers honestly and again realises how harsh he sounded. "Not because I don't like you, I actually do like you Peter, but I don't know you well enough to talk about it with you, you understand right?" He then asks after explaining himself.

"I figured that you wouldn't want to open up to a stranger, but it's cool, I just wanted to ask just in case you were really upset and I couldn't just leave you like that." Peter responds with a genuine smile, he was so glad he didn't just ignore the crying sound he heard, normally he would have walked on or worse if he was with his 'friends' he would have joined in with their mocking of whoever it was crying, so he felt pretty good about himself knowing that he had helped someone.

"You aren't a stranger any more Peter, so tomorrow at school wait for us at the gates and sit with us at breaks okay." Ben states and slowly gets to his feet, before offering his hand and pulling his new friend to his feet.

"What about Carter though?" Peter then asks nervously, he wanted to be friends with them all and couldn't have been happier at being invited, but he was still worried about upsetting Carter by hanging around if he wasn't wanted.

"It was his idea as well remember, just don't sit next to him or try to hard around him Peter, if you start agreeing with everything he says or laughing at everything he says, then you might as well fuck off somewhere else, just be yourself and you can't go wrong." Ben answers and for once he doesn't sound like he is having a go at his new friend and gives him a friendly smile.

"Which way are you heading, because I was actually meant to meet someone and you can walk with me if it's on the way if you want." Peter then asks, although as he says the words he got a little nervous and hoped that it was on the way and not where he was going or past that, that would be a disaster and he was already going to be in trouble for taking so long.

"Honestly Peter, I think I'm just going to walk around the park for a bit, there is a bench across the other side where I want to sit for a while, but thank you so much for being here and remember wait for me at the gates tomorrow." Ben answers, he really didn't want to go home and he had nowhere else he wanted to go, although he was tempted to go see Carter and Wesley, but for now he just wasn't ready.

"Okay cool, well see you tomorrow then." Peter says and before he can stop himself he gives his new friend a hug, before quickly letting go and blushing. "Oh shit er... sorry, look er.." He then tries to apologise, but just gets more embarrassed.

"It's fine Peter, really don't be embarrassed we all hug each other all the time, now get going and remember do some plucking when you get home." Ben says in a reassuring tone and smiles when his new friend turns away and starts to walk to wherever he was going and after watching for a few moments he turns the other way and heads to the bench he and his boyfriend used to sit on together and can already feel a few tears rolling down his face again as he remembers what it was like before his boyfriends dad did what he did.

"Seriously?" Matt asks in disbelief, he couldn't believe his friends had actually done it and actually enjoyed it.

"Yeah, it was so scary though, I mean the enemas feel so weird and it's really embarrassing to do it in front of someone and the smell Matt, jeez it's so bad, just make sure you got air fresheners with you." Carter answers with a grin, he doubted that he would ever get the memory of that smell out of his mind and felt embarrassed that his seemed to smell worse than his boyfriends.

"Oh shit, like wow Carter and it didn't even hurt?" Matt then asks, he was just stunned and a little jealous as well.

"Ah, well as a warning cut your fingernails and file them a little as well, just trust me on that Matt." Carter answers, while wincing a little at the memory of his boyfriend almost cutting his hole.

"Will do, so wow I can't believe it doesn't hurt though." Matt then says and relaxed a little more and really couldn't wait to try it for himself even more now, but Carter realises that he wasn't clear enough and felt bad for misleading his friend.

"Matt it does hurt a little, I mean you have to go really slow and be honest with each other, you see I started with one finger on Wesley and then slowly put another one in, he said it hurt a little at first but in the end he liked it, but when it was my turn and Wesley put a second finger in me, well it hurt like hell Matt, but I didn't say anything and well it really hurt and Wesley was mad at me for not saying anything or telling him to stop." Carter then states, hoping he hasn't scared his friend, but also knowing that he had to be honest with him.

"Oh wow, but you said you liked it, how could you like it if it hurt that much?" Matt asks in a confused tone, he had read a little about people who enjoyed pain, but his friend didn't seem like he would be a weirdo like that.

"I hated it when it hurt Matt, I mean it still felt nice because he was rubbing my prostate, but the pain kind of ruined it, but that was just because he used two fingers, one finger felt so nice and well when you two are ready, just try to be gentle and honest with each other, because lying about it hurting ruins it Matt." Carter explains as best he can, he really wanted his friend to understand and not make the same mistake he did.

"Ah I think I get it, more doesn't always mean better right." Matt responds with a smile, he definitely wasn't going to be trying too much too soon and just wanted to enjoy himself and for his boyfriend to enjoy it as well.

"Yeah and it's not a competition either remember, just because one of you likes two fingers doesn't mean the other has to, just don't be an idiot like me and not say something." Carter responds and again tries to get his friend to understand so he didn't do what he did.

"Did you both really orgasm without touching each others boners though?" Matt then asks and can't help but grin when he hears his friend giggle and while he didn't find it sexy like Wesley obviously did, he did find it adorable and it always made him smile.

"Well we touched them a little while we were doing it, but we both orgasmed after we had stopped touching them for a bit." Carter answers honestly, it was embarrassing to admit, but he started the conversation and they had reached a point a long time ago that they were comfortable enough to talk about this stuff with each other.

"Carter you don't mind if I go take a shower do you? I'm feeling a lot better, so I want to get dressed and be with Tobias and Mitch for a while." Matt then asks, he felt a little guilty for wanting to spend time with his brother and Mitch instead of carrying on talking with his friend, but he needed to hold someone and be hugged and while his friend had been amazing, he couldn't get that from him right now.

"It's cool Matt, I can do with a quick shower myself and I need to get dressed in case Ben comes here." Carter responds, he knew his friend probably needed a cuddle or something and he couldn't do that over the phone.

"I love you Carter." Matt then says in a sincere tone, he just really appreciated how his friend had calmed him down and cheered him up and wasn't embarrassed to let him know it.

"I love you too and I will call you if he comes here." Carter responds and while it wasn't the same as when his boyfriend told him that he loved him, it was still a great feeling to hear his friend saying it to him and knowing that it was genuine.

"Thank you." Matt then says before hanging up, he then slowly gets to his feet and with the help of his cane manages to make it to the bathroom without too much pain and steps into the shower.

"I knew I should have tried here first." Wesley says as he holds his hands on his knees and pants a little, he had been running around like an idiot from his house to his friends old house and then around the park and was relieved to have finally found his friend.

"What are you doing here?" Ben asks in a surprised tone, he wasn't expecting to see his friend and couldn't help but look around to see if Carter was here as well.

"I think I should be the one asking you that Ben, what's the fuck is going on in that head of yours?" Wesley asks bluntly as he sits down next to his friend, while stretching out his arms and relaxing.

"Matt phoned you then." Matt then states, dodging the question for now, although he knew it wouldn't get him out of talking about it eventually.

"Well when your boyfriend is being a complete moron and runs of like a little gay boy, then wouldn't you call your friends?" Wesley responds with a grin and knows that his friend wasn't expecting that.

"Jeez Wesley, you really have to work on your pep talks." Ben retorts with half a smile and although he would have preferred Carter to have been the one to come, he couldn't deny that Wesley's approach to a pep talk was amusing, even if he was on the receiving end.

"Ben as much as I want to joke around, you're being a dick and I'm not here to make you feel better." Wesley responds in a serious tone and when Ben turns to look at his friend, he can tell that he is being serious and quickly realises that he isn't here for him.

"Can I spend the night with you and Carter please?" Ben then asks and can tell that his friend wasn't expecting that, but he needed space to sort himself out and knew if he went back home, he wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Holy fuck Ben, why the hell are you doing this to him?" Wesley asks, ignoring his friends question and just wondering what is going through his mind right now.

"Wesley please." Ben responds pleadingly, he couldn't explain something he didn't understand himself and knew he was being an idiot, but he just couldn't go back home.

"Ben he isn't angry at you and I thought you understood that it was natural what you thought, you said you understood, so why are you acting like this?" Wesley asks, he wasn't sure what he was going to do and knew unless he wanted to try and drag his friend kicking and screaming, then he wasn't going to get him to go home unless he understood what was happening.

"Because every time I look at him or he tries to talk to me, I keep thinking about how I wished he was dead Wesley and it doesn't matter if it was a normal thing to think in these situations, it is there and it won't go away and I'm so scared Wesley, I just need to get myself together and I can't do that with him around me and asking me what's wrong or if I need anything, I just can't do it." Ben decides to say and actually found himself relaxing a little bit after getting it off his chest, although there was something else bothering him, but he didn't want to get into that right now and was still not sure what it was himself.

"So you think if you just spend a bit of time away from him, you can get yourself together and then get past it?" Wesley then asks and if he was honest, he didn't think that it was such a bad idea and he thought Matt would understand if they told him that.

"I have to try Wesley, I just need some time." Ben answers honestly and could tell that his friend understood.

"Well I was going to carry you kicking and screaming back to your house, but okay I get what you're saying and you can even have Carters bed, me and him will take the floor." Wesley then offers and can see that his friend appreciates his support.

"I was thinking more on the lines of me having the sofa if his parents let me." Ben responds, before thinking of something he hadn't even considered. "Oh shit, do you think they will let me stay and what will my dad say?" He then asks in a panicked tone and Wesley knows his friend is fragile enough to actually have a panic attack, even if it isn't really something to get this worked up over.

"Ben come on, Carter's parents adore you and your dad will understand." Wesley tells his friend in a reassuring tone and is happy to see him smile a little bit. "But the sofa? Seriously just take the bed and I promise me and Carter are just going to sleep." He then adds, he didn't see why his friend wanted the sofa and also didn't want to leave him alone while he was this emotional.

"Wesley I just want to be alone, it's nothing to do with you two perverts sucking each other off and well I just want to be alone." Ben responds with half a smile, knowing his friend would appreciate the teasing, but also respect his decision.

"Okay, but you know I'm going to tell Matt what's going on and what you just told me right?" Wesley then asks, even if his friend wasn't happy with it, he was going to tell Matt everything.

"I know and well just tell him that I love him please, this is all about me Wesley and I want him to know that I'm aware of how stupid I'm being and well just tell him I love him please." Ben answers and can feel a few tears roll down his face.

"Ben I know I called you a moron and a dick earlier, but you're not being stupid, something is going on in your head and you're trying to sort it out, okay you might have handled it badly, but at least you're dealing with it and trying to sort yourself out, Matt will understand that and I bet Tobias will love the chance to spend a bit of one on one with him for a while without feeling guilty for keeping you two apart." Wesley then states after pulling his friend in for a loving cuddle.

"I love you." Ben then says, he really did love him and while not in the same way as his boyfriend, it was real and he was so glad that they had become friends.

"I love you too, but don't tell anyone, people might think we are a couple of gay boys." Wesley responds and can't help but laugh when he hears his friend laughing.

"You're such a prick, you know that." Ben then manages to say as they both get to their feet, while still laughing at each others remarks.

"Come on then, let's go and while you shower, I will call Matt and tell him what's going on." Wesley then states as they start to walk to his boyfriends house.

"Shower?" Ben then asks, he was happy enough with his friend calling his boyfriend, but he didn't think he needed a shower.

"Ben you stink of chlorine and you got mud and leafs all over the back of your jeans and top so you will have to change anyway." Wesley answers with a grin, sure the smell of chlorine was hardly disgusting, but he needed to wash it off.

"I don't have any other clothes on me though." Ben points out and really doesn't want to have to go home and get some.

"You can borrow some of mine, I got plenty over at Carter's and I'm not that much bigger than you." Wesley offers and smiles when his friend just puts an arm around his waist and they carry on heading back to his boyfriends.

"So any other questions?" Mitch asks, after the boys first few attempts at putting the condom on were amusing, everything else had gone pretty well and the talk wasn't as embarrassing as he had feared, although thanks to the boys naivety it was hard to stop himself laughing a little at some of his reactions and questions.

"Yeah, I mean..." Tobias begins to ask, but the door opening interrupts him and both he and Mitch are surprised to see Matt walking in with tears streaming down his face.

"Matt what's wrong?" Mitch asks, but instead of getting an answer he can only watch as the upset boy limps over to his brother and hugs him tightly, while still crying his heart out and he knows they have to just let him get it out of his system, although he is also worried about his little brother, but for now he just lets it go until the young boy starts talking.

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