Discovering Brazil

by Zustara Orur

Chapter Thirteen - A Father and His Son:

I got chewed out for being late and disrupting class, which was totally unfair since the lesson hadn't even started yet, she was still getting everyone in order and taking attendance. Oh well, who listens to a student? We're just kids after all, nobody cares about us...! I sighed under my breath and rolled my eyes with my back turned towards her. It's a pity Miss Carmine's so unpleasant, because she's quite young and rather cute. I bet many other guys would have crushes on her if she wasn't such a cast-iron bitch. I amused myself with a fantasy involving Cal and Evan, the two sort-of beefcake jocks in my class who were re-taking this year and not doing very well this time either. They always sat at the back row shooting spitballs at the rest of us, and I started thinking about how THEY had crushes on Miss Carmine and how they let her talk dirty to them and handcuff them to the posts of her bed and whipped them into submission and stuck dildos up their butts and rode their big teen-jock dicks and did all kinds of naughty stuff with them. I almost got in trouble with her again when I let loose a big snorting giggle when I thought of all the kinky activities they were up to together! It was all leather and chains and stuff like that, it was really fun and I had a boner through the whole period...!

I'm sure none of it was true, but it sure as hell made time pass quicker than listening to a boring ol' lecture that's for sure. In fact I had such a good time I totally forgot all about Brazil for most of the period. Only on my way out did I remember again, and I started scanning for him, assuming he'd be ready to pounce on me when I got out of class like he usually did. No Brazil... I actually got a bit worried.

Brazil didn't show up at all that day. I shared ever more puzzled and concerned looks in the hallways with Kurt as one period followed the other. After school let us out the final time I ran to my bike and hurried off in the direction of where he lived, only caring about finding out what was so wrong with him that made him not come to school that day... I don't know why I didn't stop and ring the doorbell when I reached his aunt's house. I just coasted past it mostly on my own momentum, I was too surprised. On the driveway stood a carpenter's van or something like that, and I saw two guys rummaging around inside doing something, I'm not quite sure what. I didn't stop to have a close look. I continued on, feeling confused, then I went around the block and biked back towards the city center and went to dad's store to put in my few hours of work and try to do my homework as well. It wasn't easy, I kept getting distracted by my own thoughts all the time while attempting to solve my math problems, and I was an absolutely worthless pair of hands around in the store, I couldn't listen to what the customers were saying due to me again getting interrupted by my own inner conflict. Finally dad had to send me to the storeroom and have me sort through some unsold stock, and also to prepare a shipment of wrong colors and sizes to send back, a shipment that had been delivered by mistake the day before.

When I was done, dad merely laughed softly at me. He wasn't mad, which felt good to know, but I couldn't bring myself to laugh along with him. All I could manage was a faint smile, thus dad knew for sure something was wrong, then promised we'd talk more later. I felt glad in a way, it was like my dad was turning into a best friend as well as a father, it felt really weird in a way, but also safe. He promised if I'd just be patient for a little while longer he'd leave early and take me out for dinner again. I jumped up and down with joy and gave him the biggest hug ever and that made him chuckle. He ruffled my hair and caressed a cheek, then told me to be a good boy and that he would be along pretty soon.

He left Karen in charge of emptying out and counting the cash registers and locking up for the night, she's a bit older than him, in her early 40s I think, and she never lets a day go by without hitting on him! She knows he's single, she always says how handsome she thinks he is and sometimes even how great his butt looks or stuff like that! Dad's only 36 years old, which means he had me when he was just 22! Or, I think it means that anyway, math never was one of my stronger subjects. That was probably the final nail in the coffin of his and my mother's marriage by the way, her having me, even though they continued to live together for over a decade after I was born. Her parents were already sort of displeased when my sister was born some years previous, they wanted their daughter to get a good university education and become a rich and successful lawyer or doctor or such, and instead she kept having children! Well, that's what it looked like in their eyes anyway.

Mom always loved my sister more than me, maybe because her own parents sort of poisoned her against me. I didn't notice it when I was just a kid, but it became much more obvious later on after she started distancing herself from me. She never became a lawyer, "only" a law clerk at a pretty successful firm. She made good money, but it wasn't what she wanted, and maybe she blamed me. Her parents certainly did! Not directly to my face, but you don't have to say something outright to make it apparent what you really think. I always thought, maybe dad chose to love me more than the two women in the household just to make his wife angry at him, I wasn't sure. That day however I became certain he loved me more just because...he loved me more. I felt really bad because I hadn't understood he'd ALWAYS loved me exactly like that and I hadn't realized it! I also felt really good, because it felt so nice knowing he loved me SO MUCH. He refused to let go of me until it was time to eat. We walked to the restaurant, him having his big grown-up arm around my shoulders the whole way and he held me really close. I couldn't stop smiling!

I smiled at everybody we met, just to tell everyone, 'look at us! Here's me and my dad that loves me THIS much, isn't he a great dad or what!', sort of. I grinned foolishly at him many times and he merely hugged me tighter for a few seconds. We spoke nothing but nonsense really during the meal, but it was a good kind of nonsense. Just stuff we wanted to do during the summer, dad promised to take at least two weeks of vacation even though he wasn't really sure if he could afford it or not, and even promised to take me to some nice tourist attraction like Seaworld perhaps or Disneyland, once I had decided where I'd like to go! It was so nice to just be able to talk, we don't do that much usually since he works so late most days. We both found we missed it just as much, it was really pleasant and we felt closer than ever before I think, like we'd really bonded together like father and son. That gave me the confidence I needed for what I wanted to do next. When we'd finished eating, I did something I hadn't done in I don't know how many years, probably not since I turned six and started to become conscious of how people expect you to behave. I leaned over towards my dad and stretched up at his face, kissing him. Not his cheek, but his mouth, in a REAL kiss.

When I was just a little kid, kissing my dad was no big deal, but ever since I started school it just didn't seem right anymore for some reason. I can't explain it. Even hugging my parents (or being hugged) was something I always tried to avoid if I was in public, especially in front of people I knew. In private, that was alright, but kissing plain stopped more or less unless it was lightning quick as thanks for that wonderful Christmas or birthday present or something like that, and ALWAYS on a cheek, not lips. This time though, I just wanted to kiss my dad. Say thank you for not just putting up with me, but plain loving me without demanding anything in return.

His love was the greatest gift he as a father could give me as his son I think, and thus I let the kiss linger on and on, and my dad's hand slipped up on my neck and held me until I let go of him, like you do when you kiss someone you really like to kiss...! I don't think he actually meant to do it (it just happened I guess because he was surprised or something), but it was okay, I did not mind at all! When I finally detached myself after...well, at least ten seconds, I just started blushing and giggling, looking shyly at him. He smiled softly and blushed a little too. It was okay, he wasn't angry with me for doing that.

"Thanks dad", I said quietly. That was all that was needed, I had already said everything else, how much he meant to me, in that kiss.

"It's alright", he said and patted my head in a fatherly manner. He made it in a NICE way so I wouldn't start to feel bad and awkward for kissing him like that. I knew he understood that I'd just needed to do it, to show that I too love him too so much. A lot more than I ever realized... I really hoped he'd let me kiss him like that again, and maybe he hoped I would. Not right away however, I wanted to save my special kisses for special occasions, and I knew dad wanted that too; it wouldn't be right otherwise for more than one reason...

He asked for the check and paid with plastic as usual, then we went on to that same café where we'd ended up last time we went out together. He had a latte again as we sat at the exact same table, but I just wanted a mineral water this time. We did split a slice of cherry cheese cake however, and it was rather yummy I have to say!

I was leaning up against his much bigger body with his arm around my shoulders again, my eyes closed. He held me lightly though, so my sun-scalded skin wouldn't hurt me.

"You were pretty spaced-out today Nathan", dad started. "Yesterday too in fact. Wanna tell me what it's all about? Didn't you have a good time this weekend?"

A sigh came out of me as a response, totally involuntarily actually. "No dad, the weekend was wonderful... It was awesome. In fact it was too great."

"What do you mean TOO great, how can anything be too-" He stopped himself and then it dawned on him. "Oh", he said and was quiet for a moment or two. "Nate, I am sorry... You're sure that's what you feel for him?"

"Yes dad", I said with another sigh. "I love him to bits, and... Well, he started to get close you know... Close like you do to someone you like a lot, but I know he's not gay, and I'm just so afraid he's doing it because of all the money I've spent on him, and so I'll stay his friend! I mean, I don't care about the money, I just want to make him have a good time when we're together, but it's as if he thinks he has to pay me back somehow, pay me back with his body since he knows I like him and since he can't afford to do it with money. Or that what I think it is anyway!" I paused, hesitating. "It's like he's prostituting himself, you know? Dad, I...I don't want that."

My dad patted me and held me close. "I understand, I think. As much as anyone on the outside can understand, I suppose. I am glad you care about your friend, and I am very pleased that you behave so responsibly and don't want to abuse your friendship."

"Dad, I would never do that! I swear!"

He chuckled, then ruffled my hair again which made me smile. "I know you wouldn't."

We sat there together, I got sleepy again just like the first time, not because I really was, but because I wanted to. My dad loved me, and I loved him. It felt good to sit there and let him support me.

I had almost nodded off by the time we had to leave. He extracted himself and made me lean up against the high armrest instead and whispered he'd go get the car and then return. I mumbled in response, and then he smooched my forehead and said he'd be back soon. I think that made me smile again.

Can't say I remember much of the rest of the evening, I just felt tired and emotionally drained. I watched the evening news with dad more than half asleep and then I woke up to see Jay Leno hosting his Tonight Show after that. Darn it, he's so funny! I love Mondays, he always has all these wacky headlines on Mondays! Then, when Jennifer Aniston or whomever came on after all the fun stuff was over, I became sleepy again so dad made me go brush my teeth before I got back to the sofa with him. I was snoozing the second I'd settled in next to him...

If dad was my new best friend, that would have to mean Brazil was my boyfriend...right? Or did it? I wasn't sure! I awoke in my bed with a wild start, feelings of horror and confusion swelling over me. Ali had been with me in my dream, but I couldn't remember what he had wanted with me. Was he angry and jealous because I was deeply in love with Brazil now? I could not remember as I sat there shaking and sweating.

Next thing I knew, I was standing next to my dad, asking if I could sleep in his bed. He agreed, in a half-sleepy voice, though I sensed he was fully awake and concerned about me. He still slept in that same double bed he and mom had always used, and I went around it and slipped in on her side, not wanting to intrude on my dad. He needed his rest. Also, I was stark naked as it happened, having felt how incredibly great it was to sleep that way during my night with Brazil. No way I'd ever go back to my old way of T-shirt and boxers in bed! Dad did not want me to be alone though. He put a hand on my shoulder and made me scoot over to him. He put an arm out for me to lay my head on, and then I curled up to his side, it felt so good. He felt I was naked of course, but he didn't blame me or anything, and he was still in T-shirt and boxers of course, so it was okay for us to sleep like that. Just as father and son, who also were best buddies. A father, with his young teen son in his arms to comfort and keep him safe as they both slept, doing it the way only a daddy can do.

Waking up felt good actually, I had slept like a log, and when the radio started playing classic rock tunes at a low volume at six thirty in the morning I actually felt totally rested! I had morning wood as I laid against my dad, not because of him of course, but because I needed to pee really bad. I didn't move though, I just stayed in that position, relaxed, and listened to the music. I felt a little freaky about it, but also good, for some reason I couldn't quite describe.... My dad looked down at me and saw my eyes were open, and then he smiled a little.

"Mornin', sport", he said. "So... Would you like some breakfast?" I nodded vigorously, and then he squeezed me tight in a big monster hug. I couldn't help it, I just mashed my stiff penis into the side of his stomach as hard as I could. I didn't plan it, didn't even intend to do it, it just happened. It was so nice to be hugged and loved, I wanted to be close to my dad, and I was naked and a bit sexually frustrated too I guess. It was okay, dad just laughed and ruffled the hair on my head yet again. "Nathan, I think it's time for another father-son conversation", he said in a friendly voice so I would not get upset. "Now go get a shower, and take care of your needs as well okay?" He laughed a lot as he saw me blush a deep red, then he patted my butt as he got out of the bed (and not too quickly either!). That made me blush more. I looked at my dad, he had an okay body for his age! He'd had a bit of a gut before we laid off the junk food, but then he dieted it away and now he was pretty slim actually! He put on a bathrobe and went out to the kitchen, and soon I could hear pots and pans start to make the characteristic banging and rattling sounds of breakfast. "Come on now son!", he yelled back at me. "Don't go back to sleep on me here!"

"Alright dad, I'm going! Quit shouting at me okay!", I hollered back with a laugh. I went to the bathroom and got the water flowing. "Can you hear it? I'm having a shower just like you wanted!"

He chuckled, and I heard it all the way into the shower. "Alright son, breakfast's in five okay?"

"Thanks dad!"

I finished up quick, and with 'almoist' wet hair (almoist! I'm such a funny guy, ain't I?), I plopped down at the kitchen table.

"You're dripping on the floor, but I'm going to let that pass today", dad said and sounded in a pretty darned good mood actually. We entertained ourselves solely with eating, and after we got that part over with (and pretty quickly too since we hadn't really talked much above the level of 'pass the OJ please'), he pushed back his plate and looked at me from across the table. "Nate, you're a wonderful boy, a good-looking boy, and I love you very much. However, there are places a father should not venture with his son no matter how much they love each other, you understand that, right?" He smiled at me as I blushed and looked down at my now empty plate. "Hey, come on now buddy, look at me. It's okay, don't feel embarrassed. I told you we'd have a father-son talk, and I will keep my word. We need this, because it seems the apple didn't fall that far from the tree." I peeked out at him from under my fringe and saw him smiling gently, encouraging me to raise my head more. "I had quite a thing for my old man when I was almost your age, or a bit younger still actually. He got me when he was just seventeen and it almost caused a scandal back then, he had to get married in an awful hurry. You know what he was like, you seen the pictures..."

Yes I had. My granddaddy had been a worker in an iron-mine, a big, tough, strong guy with black hair almost like a fur covering all of him like a bear. My dad had told me though that his dad hadn't been a bear in his temper though, he'd been very patient and understanding, and had only spanked my dad maybe three or four times at most during his entire childhood, in a time when beating your kids when they misbehaved was much more the norm than an exception. Dad had never spanked me at all of course (mom had though - twice, when I was little). "What do you mean, 'thing'?", I said, a huge grin on my face.

My dad smiled. "When I was around eleven or maybe twelve and up to around your age, I thought my dad was the most handsome person alive. It wasn't just pride in my father, it was something else as well. He was like...some larger than life figure. He often let me fall asleep on his chest when I was a little kid, he hummed to me and I heard his voice buzzing deep down in his chest like some enormous bumble bee, it was very soothing, and I enjoyed the closeness, as did he. You have to understand this Nate, love takes many shapes and sizes, like you've experienced yourself. Sometimes it is just a fleeting thing, like my infatuation with my own father as a little kid. That passed, and I wizened up, went on with my life and married your mother, which as you remember, was such a roaring success..." He chuckled and I giggled. "Well, having you sure was." It might have sounded like a joke, but it wasn't. He was dead serious, and it made me smile again. He held a hand on the side of my neck, reaching up into the hair on the back of my head. "What I guess I'm trying to say is... I am happy you feel close to me. I guess I've not shown enough previously how much I love and care about you, and it might have been a bit sudden for you. I guess you also feel a need to be close to someone right now, this friend of yours, and that is understandable considering what you felt for Ali and the much too abrupt way you lost him... We all need someone like that, you feel lonely now that he is no longer alive. I want you to know though, that I would never take advantage of your feelings, not ever. You're my son, and you're more precious to me than anything else, I would never do anything to hurt you. Is that clear, young soldier?" He got a salute, then I nodded with a smile, showing the message was received.

Of course he ruffled my hair afterwards and I smooched his cheek very quickly to show I was okay and that his father-son talk hadn't scared me, and then he helped me to clear the table. I went off to brush my teeth as usual and when I was done he came and looked at my sunburned skin.

"You're looking if not much, but at least slightly better today", he said. "Guess one final round with the ointment should do it, though you're flaking bad still."

"Thanks, dad...", I said and pulled off my shirt so he could get to work. The thick fluid felt very cold on my skin initially but quickly warmed up as he rubbed it out with his big grown-up hands. I couldn't help smiling at the sensations, despite the way his touch burned due to my skin being over-sensitive. Then afterwards I put my shirt back on and went to pack my bag, and after that it was off to school of course. I thought about Brazil, wondered if he'd be there or not...

That started probably the most difficult period of my life, or second-most difficult, it's hard to decide which. Sometimes I feel one way and sometimes the other. Learning of Ali's death had easily been the worst thing that ever happened to me bar none up until then. Now I found myself occupied with pushing away the one person I loved more than anyone else, for his sake and mine. It often felt as if that was just as bad!

When I came to school, I saw Kurt standing on top of the stairs leading up to the main entrance. He raised an arm, greeting me and started to approach. Then he abruptly turned away and disappeared inside and I became terribly confused. Then I saw why also. Brazil was coming towards me running as fast as he could, arms outstretched, smiling and laughing. He tossed himself at me in a quite reckless manner, almost tackling me to the ground.

His arms tried to encircle me, and I suddenly found myself dodging him. He seemed a little surprised for about a second, but then that was gone. Maybe he just thought I was embarrassed about hugging him in public or something like that, instead he seized control himself and just stood there smiling at me. That's when I noticed the bruise above his left eyebrow. It wasn't really visible through the mass of braids hanging down his forehead, but I still saw it.

"Oh my god, Brazil! What's happened to you?!", I yelled out and despite my previous intentions to keep away tried to touch him. It was an instinctive thing, as was his dodge this time, I suppose he was afraid it would hurt - which it probably would have, it was a pretty big and nasty bruise!

He shrugged apologetically and I put a hand over my mouth in an embarrassed 'oops!' kind of way, apologizing in return for almost hurting him. "My aunt happened, that's what... She came home on Sunday and found the floor in the hallway had de-laminated because we forgot to wipe up all that rainwater after we came home on Saturday... She went wacko of course."

"Oh, god! No, Brazil... I'm so sorry, it's all my fault-"

"Sshh, no Nate. It's... It's my fault. I should have known better, I always do some stupid thing like getting the floor wet and not wiping it up, and then she gets angry and I end up paying for it...in more than one way."

I wanted to hug him and kiss him, cuddle him close and make the pain go away, but that would just put him in an uncomfortable position. Instead I placed a shaky, hesitating hand on his shoulder for a few seconds, then let it slip off. "So, how much...?"

"Oh, less than fifteen hundred I hope", he said in a glum voice. "Guess she'll just take it out of dad's life insurance fund as per usual..." A sigh followed, and I again wanted to hug him, I really did. He tried to, but I sorta sidestepped and he again gave me a confused look. I smiled back soothingly to show it was okay and then he smiled again. I took him inside, and we were suddenly talking again just as we always did. I didn't tell him I'd come by the previous day, I didn't want to, in case maybe he'd feel embarrassed about it now that I knew he'd stayed home because his aunt had beat him up. I suggested, maybe he should like report her to the police or something, but he responded saying she was the only family he had left, and you couldn't rat your family out that way. The fact she didn't seem to have any inhibitions about mistreating him was something he didn't touch on, and in fact almost glossed over.

Instead, he told me a little more about his dad. He had had a nice, big life insurance since his occupation was kinda risky, but of course since Brazil was so young he wasn't allowed to decide himself what to do with the money. That task was given to his aunt until he became an adult, but she didn't really maintain the fund for Brazil's future use, instead she was using it for running expenses and repairs whenever he managed to break something either by accident or on purpose. Whenever she was upset with him she got physical, which could be several times a week sometimes. When he said that I couldn't resist any longer, I simply had to hug him, but he immediately tensed up and even gasped of pain!

"Jeez, Brazil, I'm sorry!", I blurted. "She beat you bad huh?" He nodded, turning his back towards me and pulled up his shirt. His back was all blue bruises, and I know my face got really pale. "Oh my god! You need a doctor man!"

He shook his head. "Naw. She's done a lot worse in the past." I felt sweat break out all over my body, I almost freaked out! "It's okay. I promise, it hurts a bit when I move, but that's it. She's not hitting me anymore, the floor's fixed so she stopped being angry."

Stopped, 'til she got angry again the next time...